Behind the Bastards
Part One: In Honor Of Our New Monarchy, Let's Talk About Versailles
Tue, 04 Mar 2025
In honor of the American oligarchs trying to form their own aristocracy, Robert and Ed Zitron look back at the court of Versailles, how it was formed as a sort of frat house pentagon that broke the brains of every subsequent generation of French nobles.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: Who are the hosts and what is the theme of this episode?
Welcome back to Behind the Bastards, a podcast about terrible people. You know, we've got a great episode, a couple of episodes for you this week with Ed Zitron of Better Offline. Ed, how are you doing, buddy? I'm doing fantastically. Love being here. I'd be doing better. But, you know, we have something sad to talk about today, Ed.
We're going to give a little moment of silence for 14 FDA agents who were just trying to do their job. But unfortunately, you know, they they got between Sophie and her HGH ring. And, you know, that's just that's just never never a safe thing to do. Also back on the show is Sophie Lichterman, who is recovering south of the border in a
hidden uh uh steadfast sophie why did those men need to die why why why is that the cover story you gave me i feel like you could have done something so much cooler i think that's pretty cool shooting it out with the fda and going on the run to mexico yeah an hgh ring well i didn't want to like accuse you of selling hard drugs I mean, sure. And everybody loves HGH. At least Joe Rogan loves HGH.
Sophie, maybe you could get on his show. I mean, I've been sent some very fascinating messages. Is that the only reason you told people I was out?
I just told people you'd shot it out with the FDA and you were on the run.
I mean, I kind of wish.
Yeah, it would be more fun. But, you know, you're back. You're healing. You're feeling a little better.
A little. I mean, surgery sucks. Don't have surgery unless you absolutely need it, is my recommendation.
The surgery sucks. And let's talk for a second here. Doctors are not giving out enough painkillers. You should have gotten dilaudid for what you went through. And they just gave you a little bit of codone. I'm livid on your behalf.
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Chapter 2: What historical events led to the creation of Versailles?
Impress everybody. Yeah, so everybody can see this is how rich the king is. And themselves at every corner. And they can, yeah, see themselves at every corner. Frances Loring Payne describes in her book The Story of Versailles, Nice. Nice. So pretty fancy. And this is, in fact, a palace unlike any the world had seen before.
Louis XIV, the man who would call himself the Sun King, was not a patient person. So he ordered the construction rushed and damned the cost, either in money or in lives. Once he has this idea, he's like, I want this operational as soon as possible. He's like the Emperor Palpatine. If the Death Star was just a place for rich people to party and be spied on.
In an article for BBC History Magazine, Johnny Wilkes writes, Building went on from dawn to dusk with up to 36,000 people working in the gardens in dire and dangerous conditions. Injuries became a daily occurrence and so many died that bodies would be quietly removed at night in bulk. The workers went on strike, but Louis saw Versailles as a symbol of his prestige and therefore France's prestige.
It was worth any price. When half a dozen men were crushed in an accident, one grieving mother approached Louis to request her son's body. He had her imprisoned. Okay. Seems fair. Seems cool. Yeah. Of course. How dare she?
Yeah. Fucking rude.
She didn't understand that this was about France's prestige. Not how many people are getting crushed to death. Yeah, put her in prison with the fucking horse tiara guy. Yeah, yeah. Rude asshole. Look, people are going to get crushed to death, obviously. It happens. Oh, my God. Yeah. Get over it. You can't have a frat house pentagon without breaking a few hundred laborers. God. Yeah.
Jesus, give me a break here.
People are so fucking unsafe. Mm-hmm.
People are unreasonable, you know? So by May 6th, 1662, the whole palace is still very much under construction and would remain that way for years. But enough had been completed that Louis was able to throw a grand party and begin the process of moving in. Now, this would be a years-long process.
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