[video available on spotify] i'm a closeted hater. no one knows how much of a hater i am. in fact, the majority of the hating goes on in the privacy of my own mind, and no one even knows it's happening. it's starting to bum me out, and it's just not a good head space to exist in. so i've decided that today, i'm gonna go on the internet, and i'm gonna figure out how to stop being a hater. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Why do I consider myself a closeted hater?
I discuss my morals and values frequently. Anyone who knows me, anyone who talks to me, knows how important my morals and values are to me. On the top of my list of priorities are following and abiding by my morals and values, but also constantly working on and strengthening my morals and values. This is a key characteristic of me. which is why it's hilarious how bad I am at it sometimes.
Okay, you would think for someone who's so self-aware of their own morals and values that I would be pretty on it and pretty good about it. But I'm not. I'm not. And I'm constantly like picking up after myself in a way. I'm constantly finding shortcomings and areas where I'm not abiding by my morals and values. I'm not getting there. And I think that that's normal. And I think that that's human.
And I'm not particularly angry at myself about it. I think it's to be expected. However, there are times when I sort of deviate from my morals and my values. And it becomes apparent, not because I checked up on it and was like, hey, you're not really... you're not really doing that. But instead it pops up for me because it causes me some sort of pain, right?
By not abiding by my morals and values, I have let something slip to a point where now I'm causing myself pain because at least half of my morals and values were created by me and to prevent pain, to prevent suffering. And so there's like a 50-50 chance when I drop the ball that it might cause pain. And recently I noticed that I had dropped the ball in the hater department, okay?
It is in my list of morals and values to not be a hater. I think that's on most people's lists. of morals and values. However, for some of us, it's incredibly challenging not to be a hater. Now, when I say I'm a hater, I'm a closeted hater. Like, no one knows how much of a hater I am. In fact, majority of the hating goes on in the privacy of my own mind. No one even knows it's happening, okay?
But I know it's happening. And I think being somewhat of a hater is inevitable. You know, like there are moments when you're going to dislike someone, something, and you're going to have those feelings towards it. And it just is what it is. But I have a tendency to like become a chronic hater again. Not necessarily on the outside, like I'm actually pretty proud of my character on the outside.
I truly think that I am kind and welcoming and nonjudgmental and flexible and easygoing on the outside. It's on the inside that I can be an absolute hater, okay? A hater. Now, I'm not just a hater towards myself. I'm a hater towards everyone and everything else as well. That's the problem. No one is safe. I'm not safe and neither is anyone else.
And when I look at it, I'm like, listen, Emma, you're not a hater on the outside. Most people don't even know you're a hater. It's all happening in the confines of your mind. Who is it really harming? And the truth is the only person it's harming is me. You know, I will talk a bit of shit to my loved ones every once in a while. You know, the closest people to me in my life.
Maybe sometimes it bleeds a bit wider than that. Dangerous. But for the most part, I keep it to myself. And it's not getting back to anyone. You know what I mean? It's just, it's normal human gossip, talking shit here and there. You know, I don't think it's to an unhealthy extent on the outside. Again, I don't think it's particularly harmful to others.
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