[video available on spotify] welcome back to "advice session", a series here on anything goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and i give you my unprofessional advice. today’s topic is how to face moral dilemmas. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the main topic of this episode?
And I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is how to face moral dilemmas. Okay. We're faced with them every day. We're faced with them every day. The moral dilemma is always a little different. It feels like, you know, we rarely get the same one twice. But every time, we're forced to find the best way forward. And it's not easy.
And that's why today, I am going to give you some unprofessional advice on how to face yours. So without further ado, let's begin. I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Westin Hotels and Resorts. Westin Hotels is designed with your wellbeing in mind.
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Chapter 2: How should you handle sharing sensitive information about a friend?
I found out my friend's boyfriend sent a naked picture of her to his group chat. Do I tell her? How do I tell her? She's so in love with him. This is really hard. It is a horrible feeling to know something about your friend that you know will hurt them, but that you know is wrong not to tell them.
And I've noticed in life, people tend to have two complete opposite perspectives when it comes to telling your friend about their romantic relationship. Some people are like, don't ever get involved. The golden rule is just don't get involved. And then some people are like, no, you have to get involved. If you know something, you have to tell your friend. That is being a good friend.
And I just noticed throughout my life, it seems to be like a 50-50 split. I tend to fall on the side of to be a good friend is to tell them. That's where I tend to fall, I'd say, 90% of the time. And I would say in this specific scenario, I think you need to tell your friend because... Here's the deal. There's a really high chance that your friend doesn't want her nude in the group chat.
Listen, is there a chance that your friend doesn't mind and is like, hey, I'm proud of this nude. Show all your fucking friends. I don't give a fuck. You know, some people are like that. In fact, if I took a really good nude, I would tell my boyfriend to show his friends. I'd be like, fuck yeah, it looks really good.
Unfortunately, I don't take nudes because I'm too afraid of having them on my phone. And... Uh, something about it just has always felt kind of ingenuine to me, like inauthentic to me as a person. I've never been somebody who really takes nudes, but, but I think if you were to put yourself in your friend's shoes in this scenario, I would assume that you would also wanna know.
And that's a good test. Like, should I tell my friend about this, should I not? Put yourself in your friend's shoes. If you were them, would you wanna know? Of course you would. We always wanna know what's going on. If something's happening behind our back, we wanna know. And there's a really, really high chance that this is happening behind your friend's back.
She's unaware of it, and this isn't okay with her. This wouldn't be okay with her, right? You gotta tell her. But I do think it's important to tell her in the right way, okay? This is a very sensitive situation. It sounds like your friend really loves this boy. You know, you want to handle this tactfully. You want to communicate it tactfully. And there are some ways to do it wrong, right?
You don't want to tell her in front of anyone else, okay? That would be bad, right? You want to tell her in private. That's number one. Number two, you want to communicate it gently. And you want to communicate it... Honestly, right? Like you don't want to make light of it. You don't want to make a joke of it. But you also don't want to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be.
You want to present this information to her in a way that is gentle and calming. Because she might freak out, right? Let her be the one who dictates the energy of the conversation, okay? Don't come in and be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry I found this out. Oh my God. Be like, hey, you know... I'm going to be honest. I found out about something.
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Chapter 3: What to do when your job conflicts with your morals?
And I'm sorry if this is something that upsets you, but I really... felt like it was my duty as a friend to let you know. That's all you have to say. Do it in private. Say it gently. Say it really calm and rational like I just did. And then you go from there. And then you just be a supportive friend from there. I really do think, because this is something that is...
usually wrong, like that's kind of an objectively wrong thing to do. Like I think 99.9% of people would look at that and say, that's not right. And when that's the case, I think you can safely tell your friend about it and not worry about overstepping. If it's like an objectively bad thing to do. I think it is generally considered wrong to share someone's nudes with
when they shared those nudes with you in confidence in private, right? So I would say, tell your friend. Okay, next somebody said, I hate my job. I don't agree with the ethics of the company, but I desperately need the money. I feel like I'm betraying myself. What do I do? Well, to start, I would say, you're not betraying yourself. You're doing what you have to do. This is how life works.
We have to work. And sometimes we have to work somewhere that we don't want to work for survival. So don't feel bad. Don't feel guilty. Don't feel betrayed by yourself. Reframe the situation that you're in right now. You know your morals and your values. It's clear that you're connected to what they are. That's an incredible thing, okay?
The fact that you are aware of the fact that your job goes against your morals and values only confirms your morals and values, right? And that's a beautiful thing, I think. Your job doesn't reflect those morals and values. Your feeling about the job does. So find confidence in the fact that you know how you feel about this job. You know what I'm saying? You aren't the problem.
You're not doing anything wrong. You're just showing up to work because right now this is your job and that's totally okay. You are not the CEO of the company. You are not the founder of the company. You are not responsible for what this company does. This is not your weight to bear. So let that go.
And also understand that this is just a stepping stone in your life, getting you to the next step in your career. This is not your career. This is a stepping stone in your career. Every single person on this planet, I think probably at some point in their lives, work a job that in some way goes against their morals or values.
Or they work a job that they look back on later and they're like, oh God, that was so bad for my spirit. This is a common part of the career journey. I look back at my career and I have moments like that where maybe I did something that ended up not being right. Maybe went against my morals or whatever. We've all done it. We've all done it. Good luck finding somebody who hasn't.
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Chapter 4: Is it okay to date your ex-boyfriend's best friend?
I think this is a common challenge. I think... What is valid and true though is like working a job that goes against your morals and values is bad for your spirit, right? It's bad for... That was really spiritual. It's bad for your spirit, the fuck? I sound like a psychic or something. It's really bad for your spirit, baby. Let me pull another tarot.
And then I pull another one and then... Anyways... Yeah, it just it doesn't make you feel good. So I think to sort of put power back into your hands and to sort of, I don't know, feeling control of the situation, I think just start dedicating a little bit more of your energy to figuring out your next step.
You know, a current maybe unfavorable situation feels a lot less horrible when you're working towards moving on from it. So I would say focus as much energy as you can right now to figuring out your next step, figuring out how you can leave this job. And it's not going to happen overnight, and that's okay. But just working towards it, I think, is...
enough to sort of, I don't know, again, I hate to talk about the spirit again. I mean, we're really getting into the spirit, but it will be good for your spirit and your soul to be working on the next step in your career that has nothing to do with this job that sort of goes against your morals and values.
Next, somebody said, I really want to date, kind of low-key am dating, my ex-boyfriend's best friend. Oh, wow. I'm scared of what other people might think. What do I do? Well, to start, I kind of think that vibe is hot. It is a little messy, but there's something about it that I have fantasized about before. I'm not going to lie.
After breaking up with every boyfriend I've ever dated, afterwards, I've fantasized about dating their friends. because of how like satisfying you'd be and how angry you would make them. And it's totally petty and it's totally messy, but I've always fantasized about it and you're living my fantasy. So good for you. However, it is a bit complicated, right? It is.
Listen, even though you might be living my dream, this is still a really complicated situation. I am sort of perplexed by the fact that, like, how are you dating your ex-boyfriend's best friend right now? They can't be best friends. If they were truly best friends, this would not be happening. So something is going on with the friendship and it's not good.
That friendship, like I think I need to be giving advice to the two boys in that friendship. Not you. Because their friendship sounds a bit corrupt. I think everyone knows that it's not great to date your best friend's ex. To date your acquaintance's ex. To date your friend that you hang out with once a year's ex. It's still a bit messy, but I don't know. It's like whatever.
It's obviously not ideal. It's a bit uncomfortable. But there's only so many options of who we can date in our... local community, and sometimes things become a bit, I almost used the word incestual, but we do not want to use that word. And that's not even what I mean. Yeah, sometimes you end up sharing. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you end up swapping. It just happens.
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Chapter 5: How to address inappropriate behavior from a teacher?
If you two are soulmates, and both of your relationships with your ex and his best friend were not that deep and not that serious or potentially even like deeply flawed or something like that, then it's not that wrong to me. I'm like, that's fine. But if you had a beautiful, beautiful relationship with your ex and like you're still friends and it's like this beautiful thing,
And, you know, you truly like loved each other and you want to remain friends after and all this. And like the guy that you're dating now, you know, they've been best friends since they were two years old and they've helped each other through life and they had this deep friendship. Then it's like, oh, this is really messy and not great.
You know, like, I can't safely say that what's happening is necessarily morally right and good. But at the same time, like, it's not really your job, though, to manage their friendship, right? And you don't owe anything to your ex. So let's focus on that perspective. Ask yourself why you're scared of what people might think, because that's what you said. You said,
I really want to date and I kind of low key am dating my ex-boyfriend's best friend. I'm scared of what other people might think. What do I do? You're not asking me like, how do I make this official? You know, whatever. You're asking me, what do I do? Because I'm afraid of what other people might think. Why are you afraid of what other people might think?
Why are we ever afraid of what other people might think? Well, I mean, it's a very normal human thing. But what I've noticed, at least in myself and my loved ones, is we tend to be self-conscious when we deep down are insecure about something or we know it's wrong or we know it's bad. You know what I'm saying?
Like, I tend to be self-conscious about things that warrant, or not warrant, I shouldn't say warrant, but I don't think I'm irrationally self-conscious. And people would say, no, Emma, like, don't be self-conscious about that. Like, that's, it's totally fine. I think usually when I'm self-conscious about something, it's because... It's actually rational and valid.
It's like, no, you know, that isn't ideal. That isn't great. Whatever. I don't know. So you're scared of what people might think because you deep down know that it feels wrong. It feels wrong to you. It goes against your moral compass. That is why you're worried about what other people might think.
If you felt confident in the fact that dating this person was like the right thing to do in your life, if you could, you'd be putting it up on billboards, you know what I'm saying? Because you'd be so excited. You know that this isn't quite right. Something about it isn't sitting right with you, okay? And so now you're faced with a choice.
Option number one is to find confidence in your choice because you love this boy. You truly want to be with him and you aren't doing anything terribly wrong and neither is he. Or you can honor your feelings of discomfort and moral hesitation and cut things off and just deal with the heartbreak and find someone else. you'll find someone else.
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