Trent Shelton
Appearances
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
I'm a believer, and I'm sure there's exceptions to certain rules, that people will consistently and continuously give you what you allow them to give you. I believe that you're in control of two things in this world. What are they? Nobody can stop you giving anything and what you accept. So if I was like, Mel, this is a cup of poison, drink it. You wouldn't accept that.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And it's crazy because I feel like emotionally, we accept so many emotional poisons in our life that we don't have to accept. Nobody can force you to accept it. And the first thing it starts with, again, we go back to setting that boundary, saying no. Boundaries are not walls to keep things out. We hear the word boundary. We think, oh, boundary is a bad thing and it's toxic.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And no, boundaries aren't walls to keep things out. Boundaries are bridges to let the right things in. Ooh, that was boundaries are not walls. To keep things out. It can be. If somebody makes it a wall where they disrespect your boundary over and over, then it becomes a wall. Like, hey, I'm blocking you from my phone. Leave me alone. I'm blocking you.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
But boundaries aren't walls to keep things out. They're bridges to let the right things in. That's in relationships. That's in marriage. It makes it more beautiful. Me and my wife, we've set boundaries with each other. That makes it more beautiful. I give her her time on self-care day. She gives me my time, my hours. And we're better for our kids and our family when we come back to that.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Do I want to every minute of her life? Yes. No, I don't want you to go out there, babe. But I realize that's what she needs. Friendships, boundaries, your work.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
boundaries and the thing that i see is that so many people aren't setting boundaries or they're setting boundaries and not standing on their boundaries so if you're the go-to person for everybody else but you can't go to anybody set a boundary say hey if you can't do this for me i'm not doing this for you no more unapologetically if you're the person that's always being there for everybody if you're somebody's 2am and they call you with all their problems oh my gosh
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Then set a boundary. Hey, you know what? If you're not going to take my advice, don't call me no more with your problems. If I can't call you at 2 a.m., I call you, you sleep. I get the do not disturb. Then set that boundary. And boundaries aren't a mean thing. It's a necessary thing to protect your peace and to protect your energy.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Because as we said at the beginning of this episode, you don't get an infinite amount of energy to use. Like, no, it's a battery. If we're honest, some of us protect our phone battery more than we do our cell battery.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
So to bring this back, set boundaries and look at boundaries as bridges. And I think it will change your life when you ask yourself what you need. Can I give a three step process with that? Please. Let's go. Number one, when you're setting boundaries, first ask yourself. What do you need in your life right now? Write that down, whatever it is. Peace. I need sanity.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
I need better friends, whatever it is. Number two, then ask yourself, what boundary do you need to set? Do I need to set that will lead me to what I need? Okay. The number three, which is probably the most important. Why do I have to? not want to, why do I have to stick to this boundary? And this boundary is something that can't budge and write that down. What is it costing you?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
I like to call it opportunity costs. What is it gonna cost you not to stick to this boundary? Your future, your peace, maybe you're a mom and you keep saying yes to everybody else and you're frustrated now your kids get that. Maybe you're a dad and you're doing all the things and you can't be the man you need to be for your wife and your family. What is it costing you?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Because it's costing you way more than you think. Get clear on that and start there. You tell people how to treat you by what you accept. You tell people how to treat you by what you continuously accept.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
I just miss him.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
You're the best. It was supposed to be, it's a break there, right? Yeah. I thought so. Okay. I was just like, I don't think I'm supposed to say anything there. You can say anything you want, Trent. I wasn't sure.