Tom Papa
Appearances
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Electric toothbrushes can do a lot of things. Time your brushing, enhance deep cleanings, and now catch your lover having a secret dirty affair while you're at work. Paul Jones, a private investigator of ARF Investigators, worked with a client who became suspicious of her husband after noticing the unusual times he'd brush his teeth. She knew he wasn't great at dental hygiene.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Sometimes he would forget he brushed his teeth, walk back into the kitchen and eat a stack of Oreo cookies like a hungry diabetic raccoon. But the smart electric toothbrush app connected to his electric toothbrush showed he was consistently brushing his teeth late in the morning on Fridays when he should have been at work.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
The private investigator exposed that the husband had started an affair with a work colleague and they'd meet every Friday when the wife and kids were out of the house. Four out of five dentists agree. that when a digital toothbrush says someone brushed their teeth at 10.48 a.m., when they were supposed to be at work at nine, they're probably naked. All right.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
The only reason people don't like it, let's be honest, is that they haven't realized how to have sex with it yet.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
It really is. I mean, I didn't like PlayStation for a long time, but I figured it out.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
And if you were to die and nobody come and get you, the cat will eat you.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Well, I've never, I'm sorry to disagree, but I've never woken up from a nap and had a dog chewing on my leg, and I have had my cat do that.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
That's true, there is a wide range of dogs. I have a black lab and a pug. And the pug is like a bag of marshmallows with eyes. And the lab, you look in the lab's eyes and it's like, oh, this is so intelligent. I think, do dogs have souls? And then I look in Frank's eyes, the pug's eyes, and I think, no.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
That's true. I know what you're saying, but I don't think you can trace a wolf to pug. I think it's more like bag of laundry to pug.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
My daughter was coming home from college, she goes to college in New Jersey, and she had to fly out of Newark because she has a pet rabbit, and rabbits are only allowed on Alaska Airlines. And the only place that it flew out of was Newark. And she's also scared of flying. And she's coming home for the summer. And I said, well, you're going to have to go to Newark.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
And it was the day after they lost all the planes on the radar. And she doesn't have a rabbit anymore.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
That's true. It's just a bad story. While we're flexing cities. It's just a bad story. Like, what happened to Peter? Well, he was flying back into Newark. It's like if it was into Paris, or he was on a flight to Hawaii. You're like, that's a shame. Things were going so well. And you're like, no, he crashed on his way into Newark. They're like, well, he's in a better place.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Yeah. It's true. The whole time he's doing it, he's like, look, I'm just like you. I'm just like you. I'm a regular person. No one eats popcorn like that. Normal people get a fist of it and just start nibbling around. Yeah.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
No. But when's the last? Because I keep saying, like, what's happened to the movies? Why aren't people going to the movies? I don't remember the last time I went to the movies myself. I've been to the movies recently. What'd you say?
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
But if you had asked AI, if you went back to AI and you said, hey, half of these are not real, they would say, give me a second, now they are.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Yeah, it's good. I know it's hard to, like, envision it, but once you read a couple pages, you're like, oh, right. Dragon sex.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Do they specify what kind of poop? That's a good question. Their own poop? Who knows? People poop, cat poop, fish poop.
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WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
If it's human poop, there's nothing on earth I would keep.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
All of it. I would get rid of... Yeah. If I had a stack of gold bars... and then someone came in and did that on that, I wouldn't have that anymore.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Wow. My son is a huge fan of yours, and by that, of course, I mean because of your Ice Age movies and TV shows.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
So you play, for those unlucky not to have seen the 4,000 Ice Age movies and TV shows and video games, you play Sid the Sloth, a prehistoric sloth, and we read that you actually got really deep into the research for his voice. Is that right?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
In November this past year, we talked to ultra runner Tara Dower. She had just become the fastest person to ever complete the Appalachian Trail, having hiked all 2,200 miles in just over 40 days.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
First question, did we get the numbers right? About 2,200 miles, end to end, Maine to Georgia, and you did it in 40 days, 18 hours, 5 minutes. Is that right? Yes.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
So break that down. To travel that far in that period of time, how far did you have to travel per day and how much time did it take to travel, to run every day?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
17 and a half hours. Okay. That's kind of amazing. And how much were you able to sleep? On average, about five hours. And at what point, I mean, I guess you ran from Maine to Georgia. So were you starting to hallucinate by the time you were in New York, say? Yeah.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Yeah. They have bathrooms in the trail. That's nice. And so, so when you say you're eating, so you're just like, she thought it was a bathroom. You may have been hallucinating a bathroom in someone's car. You can't guarantee that was a bathroom. So you're right. So I'm trying to feel that you're running along and like your friends are with you. You have a lot of support.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
I know in order to do this and they run up to you and they give you, hand you a banana or whatever it is you're eating and you just stuff it in your face as you keep running.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
A couple more questions. First of all, I understand that you said once that you have decided after lots of experiences, negative, positive, but you've just decided that you're done with toenails.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
You were done with them. You were tired of them getting bloody and coming off. Oh, yeah.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
What's next? What's the next achievement? And when are you going to be ready to do it?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Well, Tara, we are delighted to talk to you. And we have Astrid here to play a game that this time we are calling Try a Stroll Down These Appalachian Tales. So you ran the whole Appalachian Trail, but you went through it too fast this last time to hear any of the myths and legends of that particular region.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
So we're going to ask you three questions about folk tales from the places you ran through. And if you get two right, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they like on their voicemail. So Joshua, who is Tara playing for? Sarah O'Dell of Redmond, Washington. Okay. Thank you. Here we go. Here's your first question about Appalachian tails.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
In West Virginia, they still celebrate the Mothman. That's the mysterious creature that first appeared in 1966 near Point Pleasant, West Virginia. What was the headline in the Point Pleasant Register newspaper the day after the Mothman's first sighting? Was it A, insects seem to be rather large this year, B, couples see man-sized bird, creature, something.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Or C, annual rummage sale draws record crowds. Oh, I'm going to have to say B. You're going to go B, couples see man-sized bird, creature, something. You're right. Yeah. Yes. To be fair, it was something, and there is now an annual Mothman Festival in Point Pleasant, if you want to go down there and find out all about it. Oh, so cool.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
All right, here's your next question. Now, while Mothman is probably the most famous Appalachian cryptid, he's not the only one out there. Next time you run the trail, you might also run into which of these? A, the phantom trucker who stopped to use the bathroom at south of the border and never returned.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
B, the lost hiker and angry ghost who died of starvation and demands trail mix from every passerby. Or C, a Bigfoot-like creature called Wood Booger.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
I'm going to have to say B. You're going to go for the lost hiker, the ghost that demands trail mix from every passerby? No, it was the wood booger. Yeah. Yeah, he's called the wood booger because he's like the boogeyman. Not because of his, you know, texture. He's the boogeyman. Okay, last question. If you get this one right, you win. You've heard of Sasquatch, right?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
There are stories of Sasquatch in the area. But in West Virginia, there is a terrifying beast that, unlike Sasquatch, walks on all fours, right? Sasquatch stands up. What do they call this mysterious creature? A, the sheep squatch. B, Big Feet, or C, independent Senator Joe Manchin? I would say A. You're going to do it for A. Sheep Squatch. That's right, Tara.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
It's called Sheep Squatch because of its thick white fur, or so they say. Joshua, how did Tara Dower do in our quiz?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
And get some rest. Take care. Bye-bye.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
When we come back, one of the most fashionable people to ever walk a red carpet and the actor who made jury duty look fun. That's when we come back with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Thanks, Jokey. This week, we're honoring President's Day by listing as many executives-in-chief as we can.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
We'll keep working on our list. In the meantime, here's some great guests from the recent past. In February of 2023, guest host Peter Gross talked with Tony, Grammy, and Emmy winner Billy Porter, who became iconic for his amazing, elaborate red carpet looks.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Yeah. Next time I'm sitting watching the movies with my son, I'm going to say, you know, that's historically accurate. Among the many, many things you do, you've done these one-man shows where you play all these characters. And as you just demonstrated, you're really, really, really good at voices. Have you ever used that power for evil?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Did your mother know you were doing that?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
You mentioned your mother. We also read that like your mother to this day sees like everything you do and offers a critique afterwards.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Yeah, I know, man. I'm telling you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Thanks, Chioki. And thank you, everybody. This week was President's Day, and we're honoring George Washington's 293rd birthday by trying to bake a cake you can safely eat with wooden teeth.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Is she going to critique this? Is she going to listen and go, oh, I don't think you talked about me enough? I'm not going to tell her about this. Okay, yeah. All right, that's fine.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
B.J. Letterman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Monica Hickey and Hannah Anderson. Peter Gwynn is the only chief we hail to. Our vibe curator is Emma Choi. Technical direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilag.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Thanks to everyone you heard, to all our panelists, Chioki Ianson, and all our guests. And thanks to all of you listening. I'm Tom Papa, and we will be back next week. This is NPR.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Well, John Leguizamo, it is such a pleasure to talk to you again, and this time we have asked you to play a game that we're calling Can We Fix It? Yes, We Can. So this year, as I'm sure you know, because everybody's been celebrating, this year marks the 25th anniversary of Bob the Builder. Oh, wow. The beloved kids show about a British contractor whose trucks are alive.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
So in honor of that, we're going to ask you three questions about, I guess we'd call him Mr. Builder. Get two out of three right, you'll win our prize. One of our listeners, Bill, who is John Leguizamo playing for?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Here's your first question. Ready? Ready? No, go for it. I'll do my best. Bob the Builder is popular around the world, but some changes needed to be made internationally to show there, including which of these? A, in France, they had to add clocks to the background to prove that no one goes over their 35-hour approved work week.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
B, in Canada, Bob always includes maple syrup as a construction material in his projects. Or C, in Japan, they had to add a fifth finger to his animated four-finger hand so that kids did not think Bob the Builder was a member of the Yakuza. Oh, shoot, that's... I'm gonna go with Canada and maple syrup, because it sounds ridiculous, but plausible.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
So you think that Bob the Builder in Canada, they just cut into things and says, now, to make sure this sticks, here's some maple syrup. And they go, eh, sorry, eh? Oh, wow. That was amazing. I thought I was in Toronto. No, the answer was actually C. You see, as is well known in Japan, if you're a Yakuza member and you displease your boss, they cut off one of your fingers.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
So a four-fingered animated character would have unpleasant connotations. That's dark. It is. It really is. I didn't want to go that dark. All right. Here's your next question, John. You have two more chances. Bob the Builder is more than just a very popular kids' TV show. Which of these is another example of Bob's cultural dominance?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
B, Alexander McQueen had an entire runway show of Bob the Builder-inspired designs. Or C, he had a best-selling cookbook called Can You Bake It? Yes, You Can. Man. I'm going to go with A. You're going with A. You're right. Yes. He did a cover. Finally. Mambo number five. What a relief. All right. You have one more question. If you get this right, you win.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Bob the Builder popped up in a surprising place a few years ago when people browsing the on-demand menu of Britain's Channel 5 saw a picture of Bob as the image representing what show? A, the season premiere of Britain's Got Talent, B, a documentary about 9-11, or C, the movie Eyes Wide Shut?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
And since we're already celebrating, let's keep the party going with one of our favorite guests from the past few years, actor, writer, and comedian, John Leguizamo.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Just imagine Bob the Builder wearing one of those weird masks that Tom Cruise was having, you know? I won't picture that, so I'm going to go with A again. You're going to go with A again. Britain's Got Talent. The idea of like, oh, this guy's got talent. He can build stuff. Yeah, he can build things, right? Yeah. Sadly, the answer was B, a documentary about 9-11.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
He meant B. Let's give it to him. Okay. I'm sure, I mean, I thought I misheard you. And of course you were right. I have an accent, I have a New York City accent.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
A, B. Yeah, exactly. You know, apparently, the way it worked was if Channel 5, you know, and this is how it works. You turn on your streaming service. There are these icons indicating the shows you could be watching. And with Channel 5, they didn't happen to have a picture to go with any given show. They just plugged in a picture from Bob the Builder.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
So Bob was the image for this 9-11 documentary and also something called Murdered by My Daughter. So, Bill, how did John Leguizamo do in our quiz? Two out of three.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
John Leguizamo is an actor, writer, and producer whose new series Voces American Historia, The Untold History of Latinos, premieres on PBS September 27th. John Leguizamo, what a great thing to talk to you again. Thank you so much. Good luck with the show. We'll see you next time. Thank you. Thank you. So fun. Thank you. Bye-bye.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Before we wrap up this segment, here's a fun moment with some of our panelists.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Paula, one of the most famous prehistoric animals was the saber-toothed tiger. Sure. A fierce and deadly predator. Oh, yeah. And scientists now believe they know why they went extinct. What was it? Because they weren't procreating.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Why? The tooth. Exactly. They went extinct because of their very big teeth.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
A saber-toothed tiger, formerly a smilodon, informally, Bernie.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
If you talk to a paleontologist and say, oh, do you work with saber-toothed tigers? They'll go, there's no such thing as a saber-toothed tiger. They're called smilodons.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Because I have been reading a lot of books about old animals with my son.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
So this series, American History of the Untold History of Latinos, I understand was inspired by one of your many one-man shows. In this case, your own personal examination of Latino history, right?
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
When we come back, super producer Mark Ronson and ultra runner Tara Dower. One of them had their toenails surgically removed, but you're going to have to wait to find out which one. That's when we come back with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
Thank you, Chioki. This week, we're celebrating President's Day by building our own team of rivals with some of our favorite guests from the past few years.
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WWDTM: Billy Porter, Mark Ronson, Tara Dower, and more!
While we prepare for that, here's our interview with Grammy-winning producer Mark Ronson. When he joined us in August of 2023, guest host Nagin Farsad asked him if he remembered the first time he heard the mega hit Uptown Funk in the wild.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Very convincing. Organ paw from Rachel Feinstein. Your last story with a greenish hue comes from Peter Gross.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Next, an actor and writer who can be seen in the acclaimed improv show Two Square at the UCB Theater in New York on February 27th, Peter Gross. Hi. Hi, Peter. And a comedian who you can see in her Netflix special Big Guy or on tour. Tickets and info at rachel-feinstein.com. Welcome to the panel, Rachel Feinstein.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
All right. So, Chris, you've got Shantira's story of a cheater leaving behind a green trail of lies, Rachel's story of an organist with a case of organ paw, and from Peter, CBS trying to make Greenentine's Day a thing. Which one is real?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Okay. To find out the correct answer, we spoke to someone who reported on the real story.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
That was MJ Bradford, a radio announcer at Barry 360, talking about the cheater getting caught green-handed. Congratulations, Chris. You got it right. Thank you for making it right. Well done. You earned a point for Shantira and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today, Chris. Thank you for having me. Enjoy Brooklyn.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
And now, the game we call Not My Job. After being a part of improv groups at Second City and I.O. and interning for Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Vanessa Baer joined the cast of Saturday Night Live in 2010 and stayed with the show for seven years. She's now celebrating SNL's 50th anniversary, but we swear it doesn't look a day over 45. Vanessa Baer, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
I'm a huge fan, we all are. It's so nice to actually get to talk to you. When you look at your body of work, you have this great ability of being so sweet and likable, and then you kind of have this subversive kind of cutting comedy. I guess my first question, in real life, are you as sweet as you look?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
It seems that your whole family has a really great sense of humor when I've heard you talk about your family and especially, they were especially helpful getting you through challenges when you were younger. Was that something that just came natural or did that come out of the challenges?
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Right, just to kind of get through it. And it's funny, I've heard you tell stories about how you start off just trying to protect yourself and be strong, all of you, just to get through it. But then when the skies started clearing and it seemed like you were going to be okay, you didn't really stop taking advantage of some of the goodwill that people had towards you. Yeah.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Well, welcome to the show, Edie. You're going to play Who's Chioki This Time? Chioki Ianson is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail. You ready?
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
I've never heard about your audition for SNL. What was that like?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Yeah, and did you know when you were done that you had in fact nailed it?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
A week later. Well, before we play the game, Rachel says, you really like gossip. Is there any gossip you want to drop? You guys talk about Tom.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Here's your first quote from the Wall Street Journal. This is the dumbest trade war in history. The Journal was talking about moves made by the U.S. government to slap what on Canada, Mexico, and China this week?
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
People don't do this when Peter hosts. Vanessa Bear, we've asked you here to play a game we're calling... It's a Golden Jubilee.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
You're helping SNL celebrate their golden 50th anniversary, but they're not the only one turning 50 this year. Answer our three questions about other things that started in 1975, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Chioki, who is Vanessa playing for?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
All right, here's your first question. Jaws turns 50 this year and wouldn't be nearly as iconic without John Williams' memorable two-note theme. When he first played it for Steven Spielberg, what was the director's response? A, he got so scared he fled the studio in terror. B, he reminded Williams that they were only paying him per note, so he better step it up.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Or C, he said, quote, that's funny, John. Really? What did you really have in mind for the theme of Jaws?
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
C. Very good. That was fast, with confidence. Okay, here's your next question. 50 Cent turned 50 this year, and almost as famous as his music is his feud with fellow rapper Ja Rule. Things got so heated at one point that 50 Cent did what? A, convince Ja Rule to invest in this super cool and not at all shady thing called the Fire Festival.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
B, bought 200 front row tickets to a Ja Rule concert so he'd have to perform to an empty arena. Or C, bought the URL jarule.com and made the homepage just say, more like Ja Fool. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
That's right, tariffs. Thank you. They were supposed to take effect Tuesday, but 11th hour negotiations delayed them, giving hardworking Americans a much needed reprieve from having to figure out what tariffs are.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
He's so mean. All right, here's your last question. Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton married for the second time in 1975, with Taylor saying, quote, we married once again, back where we belonged, where we always belonged. What did she say 10 months later? A, quote, these have been the most beautiful 10 months of either of our lives.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
B, quote, were you to look up love in the dictionary, certainly you'd see a picture of Richard and me. Or C, quote, we can't be together. I'm going to say C. You're right, C. I'll just say it. I was going to say it was all three. The couple divorced shortly afterwards. Chioki, how did Vanessa Bayer do on our quiz?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Nice job. Vanessa Bayer is an actor and comedian who's celebrating SNL's 50th anniversary. Vanessa Bayer, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. In just a minute, if you're wondering what gross thing should I rub on my face today, in the Listener Limerick Challenge, we have your answer. Call 1-88-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Tom Papa. Thanks, Chioki. In just a minute, it's the Super Bowl of early 18th century literary forms, the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-88-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Shantira, according to the Washington Post, as more people stopped drinking alcohol during January, they started drinking what instead?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Okay. You named two of my favorites just now. I'm not doing dry January. I'm doing high January. CBD drinks? Marijuana. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. For anybody who ever accidentally drank bong water and thought, um, yes, please. It's drinkable cannabis.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
According to distributors, it's incredibly popular among parents aged 35 to 55, which is not surprising if you've been to any block party in the last two years.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Dude, it's dry January. Yeah. Peter. Yes. A new essay in the New York Times recommends that those in need of peace, meditation, and community simply go where? Heaven.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Nothing more soothing than the sound of a urinal flushing. I guess they would go to a bathroom? Yes, public bathrooms.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Yes. The columnist says public restrooms are the perfect place to escape awkward social functions, high-stress work situations, and breathable air. Okay. Have you ever escaped to a public bathroom and said, ah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
I love the idea of community, that they're going in there for community.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
That's right. This is what I really thought was happening in there.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
You can't be standing at a urinal and going, you look great. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you like to play on air, call or leave us a message at 1-88-wait-wait. That's 1-888-924-8924.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Also, you can catch us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago and come see us on the road at the Walt Disney Theater in Orlando, Florida on March 20th. Tickets and info at nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, this is Jeremiah Donahall calling from beautiful Brooklyn, South Dakota. Ooh, nice to meet you, Jeremiah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
If you're confused about how a 25% tariff on goods from Canada and Mexico might affect you, just think about it like this. Do you like eating food? Well, that's going to be way more expensive now.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
What goes on in South Dakota in the winter? Not much, but a bunch of blowing snow. Welcome to the show, Jeremiah. Chioki Ianson is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in the last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
According to beauty influencers and 14-year-olds on TikTok, the enzymes in banana peels can plump and brighten up your skin as a cheaper, more potassium-rich alternative to Botox. And according to scientists, no, they can't. LAUGHTER
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
By hoping to reverse falling sales, Starbucks decided to return to their roots of writing your name on your cup as a random collection of squiggles with a toxic marker. And it's working. Starbucks beat expectations last quarter.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
The CEO credits their approach of going back to basics on some things, like ceramic mugs if you order to stay, and keeping things that work, like pretending a caramel mocha frappuccino is a coffee drink and not a hot fudge sundae.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
It depends where I am. Like this week, I kept using Peter Sagal. Another free coffee, Mr. Sagal.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Jump rope. Professional jump roper David Fisher was out for a walk near a frozen pond when he heard someone screaming for help. Immediately, he sprung into action, grabbed his extra long double dutch rope, and dragged the person and their dog out of the water. While he was doing it, our hero could be heard saying, see dad, could an accounting degree do that?
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Yeah, I know. I always feel like when I see the Wall Street Journal in a lobby or something, I pick it up and I feel like, oh, yeah, I know money. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Yeah, you know, 10,000 hours. Yeah, that's true. Chioki, how did Jeremiah do? He got all three right. Nice work, Jeremiah. Thank you very much. Thank you so much. Enjoy the rest of your winter. I'll sure try. Give him a big round of applause, everybody. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Chioki, can you give us the scores?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
So Peter, you're in third place, so you're up first. Good. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump faced widespread criticism for his proposal that the US take over blank. Oh, Gaza? Right. On Wednesday, former Senate Majority Leader Blank slipped and fell outside the Senate chamber.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Right. This week, a doctor in Italy is being investigated for giving Blank an unauthorized CAT scan. A cat? Yes. He gave his cat a CAT scan.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
On Thursday, scientists discovered a new Blank that could hit the Earth in 2182. Asteroid? That's right. In good news for anyone struggling with the price of eggs, a new AI bot has recommended a cheaper alternative. Human eggs. Close. Cow eggs. The new French AI called Lucy was quickly taken off the market after it recommended eating cow eggs as a healthy and affordable breakfast.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Programmers quickly corrected the mistake, and now Lucy suggests starting breakfast with a big bowl of cereal swimming in chicken milk.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
So, Rachel, you're up next. Fill in the blank. Despite questions of legality, the White House began sending migrants to blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Right. On Tuesday, big box chain Blank Co. announced they were raising most worker pay to $30 an hour.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Costco. Costco. This week, the U.S. Treasury acknowledged that blank had access to their servers. Elon Musk. Right. According to a new study, the amount of blanks found in human bodies is rising rapidly.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Grocery prices have gone up already, but don't worry. Despite the high price of eggs, Trump has promised all Americans will still be able to die of bird flu.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Microplastics. This week, a man in New York who got out of jury duty by saying he thinks all defendants are guilty was forced to resign from his job as blank.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Yes, as a New York City judge. On Sunday, Kendrick Lamar and Beyonce were the big winners at the 2025 Blank Awards. Grammy Awards? That's right. After selling a stove that was responsible for almost 30 house fires, LG announced they were sending customers who bought the oven blank.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
A warning sticker to put on their ovens. It might seem like an insufficient response, but don't worry, the company has promised that the stickers will be 100% fireproof.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Shioki, how many points does Shantira need to win? She needs only five to win. Five to win. Okay, Shantira, this is for the game. This week, FBI agents filed a class action lawsuit against Trump's Department of Justice over alleged retribution following the investigation into blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Right, January 6th. On Wednesday, six dairy herds in Nevada tested positive for a newer strain of blank flu.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Right. In the latest of many such incidents, a zoo in China is under fire for blanking.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Close. For painting two dogs orange and black and insisting they're tigers. On Tuesday, search giant Blank updated its AI ethics policy. Google? Right. After winning a legal battle, a supermarket in Costa Rica owned by a man named Mario can continue to be called... Nintendo. Super Mario.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Hi, everybody. I'm Tom Papa filling in for Peter Sagal because my agent thinks Chicago in February is a great idea. We've got a great show for you today, and we'd like to say a big welcome to the millions of you who tuned in because you thought the Super Bowl was being broadcast on NPR this year. Right now, it's your turn to play the big game. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
In Costa Rica, almost every supermarket is called Super Something. But Nintendo challenged Mario Gonzalez's attempt to register a supermarket using his own name. But this week, a judge ruled that while the Super Mario trademark covered clothing and games, it did not apply to the category of independent Costa Rican grocery store. Chioki. Chioki.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict if Lucy's bad at running, what will we learn she is good at? But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. B.J. Letterman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn is certified certified. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Our Jolly Good Fellow is Hannah Anderson. Technical direction, Lorna White.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilak. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will we find out Lucy was good at? Shantira Jackson.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Yeah. I was watching Fox, and they're like, he did it. They backed down. He gave them everything he wanted, and then I went over to CNN, and they're like, they said they're going to put 10,000 troops on the border, which they already have.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
All right, here's your next quote. I'm stuck there for a half an hour watching stuff before it actually starts. That was someone responding to a new law proposed by a Connecticut state senator to force movie theaters to tell us what?
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Very good, when a movie starts. When it exactly starts. America needs a hero right now, and now we have one. Senator Martin Looney of Connecticut wants to require theaters to tell us exactly what time the movie actually starts so we don't have to sit through half an hour of ads and previews. Wait.
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Well, we've all been there. The show time's at 7, so you get there at 6.40. But then traffic is light, so you end up in the theater while they're still playing commercials for the company that runs the commercials. It's getting way too long. And here's the crazy part. When Martin Luther King Jr. said the arc of the moral universe is long but bends toward justice, this is what he was talking about.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
All right, Edie, here's your last quote. She would have been really slow. That was a researcher talking about a new finding that the ancient human ancestor Lucy could do what?
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Sure. Her remains were found wearing a pair of Nikes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Yes, run. Good job. Using advanced computer modeling, researchers now believe the early hominid Lucy was capable of running. And this is true. While she couldn't run far, she also couldn't run fast. Is it running then?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Now it's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Can you imagine falling out of a tree and dying, and then 3.2 million years later, they put your bones together to prove you were slow as hell? It's so unnecessary. I know, it feels really... Yeah, what's the next article gonna be? Like, yeah, and she couldn't read either.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Take care. Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Rachel, this week a proposal at a restaurant in China went awry when the woman being proposed to accidentally did what?
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Okay. Hiding the ring in dessert is not without risk.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
In a grand romantic gesture, the man had the restaurant hide a golden engagement ring in the cake that they ordered for dessert. Unfortunately, the woman never got a chance to say yes, yes, because she was too busy saying, yum cake.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Oh, hi, Edie. How's it going? Good. What do you like to do down there in Virginia?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
It was really awkward afterwards when the guy got down on one knee behind her. And said, I'm going to have a really important question for you in about six hours. Coming up, turns out it's actually very easy to be green. Find out why in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Thanks, Chioki. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air or check out the pin post on our Instagram page at waitwaitnpr. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Brooklyn. What's going on in Brooklyn these days? How's February in Brooklyn?
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WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
All right, that's good. You sound like you're really enjoying it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
Someone just yelled, yay, for being outside. That's what it's going to be in the future, just humans going, we remember. Now, Edie, let's introduce you to our panel. First, a writer for Clean Slate. Season one is on Amazon Prime now. Shantira Jackson.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
This week, we heard a story where something new turned green. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I guess so. I love your confidence. First up, it's Shantira Jackson.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
So that was Cheating Jeans Woman from Shandira Jackson. Your next story of something going green comes from Rachel Feinstein.