Simon Rex
Appearances
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
All right. At least Pacino, you've got to just let him go.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, that's incredible. Yeah, it was cool. Did you get the photo?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
You want that photo, but you don't want to ask. It's a tough spot. It's funny you said it, too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
If he dies, though, I mean, he's going to forget the photo a bit later anyway. He's just saying that. He's never going to die.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
That was awesome. Yeah. He was great as, what's it called? Billy the Kid.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
What's it like going to walk around Vegas with Pacino? You've got to feel like a boss.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Wow. Yeah. I'm a fan out of the gate. I mean, when I saw him in Swingers 30 years ago.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
That was fun. What's that? P. Diddy. Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah. Put him on the wish list of, like, all-time guests. Yeah, P. Diddy. Get him on there.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Right, right. And he escaped from prison. Pretty impressive.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
You're going to listen to the director after that. Maybe we should do something different here. Fuck you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Interesting. Oh, he was a soldier in Vietnam. Yeah, there we go.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
And there was no Google. So he would just kill a bunch of people in Utah and then take a bus to Florida. And he was just back on the scene.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, yeah, there we go. He did an eternity war, just like, hey, everybody.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, shirtless, cowboy hat. What was that, California? California with a K? Yeah, with a K, but this might be before California.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Wait, is that his wife or his daughter? Where? Daughter. Oh, it's his daughter, okay. He's got the arm around the waist, looked a little chubby. Yeah, it was funny.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Third one? I think it is. Holy shit. Wow. You had a solo, then you had a Halloween, and now here. Yeah, that's right.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
To be abstinent, you either get a ton of pussy and pull back or just get none. That's it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, yeah. I can see it. My Dahmer joke. Did you watch the show on Netflix?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, watch it. Hey, hey, Joy Mode. We Might Be Drunks brought to you by Joy Mode. If you're struggling in the bedroom, it's time to check out Joy Mode. Their sexual performance booster is an all-natural science-backed supplement to give you Johnson all the tools it needs and nothing it doesn't. Joy Mode also supports your blood vessel, cardiovascular, and heart health.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, it's pretty good. It's pretty well done. Super creepy, but it's set in the 80s. So at one point they bring Jeffrey Dahmer's dad into the police station. They're like, we got crazy news. Your son is gay. He's a serial killer, and he's a cannibal. And the dad's like, he's gay? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Athletic performance, blood pressure... erectile function. You never hear about function. All you hear about is dysfunction. So they're bringing back function. Functioning alcoholics over here. Oh yeah. Just mix it up with six to eight ounces of water and drink up to 45 minutes before you get it on.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Ha, ha, ha. Yeah. And bring a kid, or they won't let you in. I had to learn that the hard way. But, yeah, this stuff's great. And, you know, a lot of these pills, you look like a psycho. A buddy of mine was at a restaurant with a girl on a date, and he liked her, and the pill fell out of his pocket. And he went to the bathroom, and two people said, get away from this guy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
He's trying to rue for you. And it was a dick pill. Damn. So this is way better. So, yeah, put that shit in your cocktail and snort it. When it comes to your sexual health, you don't want to skip corners. Forget those sketchy gas station ED meds, too, and get Joy Mode. Go to joymode.com and get 20% off. Use code DRUNK at checkout. That's 25% off free shipping with code DRUNK at usejoymode.com.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Sorry, U-S-E-J-O-Y-M-O-D-E.com. Great sex solved naturally. Yeah. Like I was abstinent in high school.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah. But it's still good to just get it over with. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was actually blown before. Oh, me too. No, wait. I had sex before blown.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, yeah. So that's pretty great. What's another good sequel?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
It was unbelievable. I put a podcast in on a plane and John Wick on silent just because it's a great visual. Just the kicking ass and the knife fighting and the shooting.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
By the way, that's so funny how overstimulated we all are. I know. I know. The pod isn't enough. I got to fucking. I had a porno going the other day while watching a documentary. I was like, what am I doing? I'm getting like the worst and the best kind of entertainment.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
yeah well i what'd you say about white noise sopranos oh yeah or i actually put on brown noise i do that just uh what's brown noise it's like white noise but different octave or something it's like a yeah oh all right noise more violent i got it all right well i was just in martha's vineyard and i'm like all right here i am the most relaxing place on the planet i'm sitting on a porch in a rocking chair looking out at the ocean there's boats the seagulls and i'm like
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I wonder who's texting me. What's on Instagram? Hey, let me check my For You page and watch some whore twerking. Yeah, we're fucked. So I put the iPod in. You got to leave the phone in the room.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
It's hard. If you can get over the hump, like you're like, all right, I'm going to pick up this book and read it. And everything is telling you, fuck the book, get the phone. But if you can get over the hump of the boredom, you'll get into the book.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, and I would say the same with sex with the wife. She's like, I don't want to. I'm like, give it five. I'll be done. She's reading. Yeah, she's reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Well, fuck me. But, yeah, got to push through. You got to do it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
And when you get to the other side, because they say if you go, they have all these retreats now where you go for two weeks and you don't use your phone, and the first four days you're like jonesing, and then you're like completely cured. You just got to get through it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
No, that sounds like hell. But they'll get there. I bet kids, too, in the future will have a thing where they're like, going off phone is cool. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, it's going to be weird when rap is corny. I know. You know, because we like rap. Right. So my kids are going to be like, oh, rap sucks. Yeah, that's like oldies.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Well, it's better than when the guy brings his own boombox.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Famous story. I used to work at the Rec, so it's just old people and poor people and me. And one guy would have the rap music blaring every day. We all hated him, but, you know. Radio Raheem. Yeah, exactly. But there's a racial component, so you let it slide. And then another guy brought one in one day, and they just played it together, and they hated each other.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
And they're like, fuck you, fuck you, this is my music. And he's like, but this is my music. And now everyone else in the gym is going, now you get it. We hate all of you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yes, the Larry David. Oh, is that a Larry David? Yeah, he's at dinner one time, and a guy's on this phone like, I know, right? Then the guy said this, and then Larry David just starts going, oh, man, the other day I was doing this. And the guy looks over, he's like, what are you doing? He's like, what are you doing?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Well, his wife was of age. He pushed her. So it was fine. What is it with serial killers and the three names? Is it because we identify them as three names or is it just a coincidence?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Whoa. That's like Pryor marrying Joan Rivers, you know? It's crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Great movie. Yeah. What's that guy's name? Never saw that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
History of violence. Yeah. Viggo Mortensen. Viggo Mortensen. We didn't Google.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Really? Oh, my God. What the fuck? Is that the dog? I'm trying to keep it low when I don't want to interrupt.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, yeah, the mom. Yeah, that's funny. Thomas Matthew Crooks. Get down here. You got to find his name.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Muchy, muchy. Now, is she related to Moira tyranny? No. Okay.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I think people were rougher. There wasn't as much health stuff going around. No one was like vegan or gluten free. Vegan Mortensen. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Well, they always show him versus Tom Cruise. Yeah, he's 22 right there.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
He was never a kid. No. Look at that. Wow. I see Paul Rudd. They got him next to Paul Rudd. That's not fair, though. At the same age.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
He's 51 in Cocoon? Wow. What? No way. That's hilarious. No one ever checked in on him? Like, maybe this guy's got some problems with health? He looks rough.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I bet we've had them, but we just don't know it. There's so many, they kind of go under the radar now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
All right. I can't wait. And they read our script and liked it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
oh yeah what uh who who Netflix did uh these churning brothers who wrote this oh nice yeah yeah all right I'll check it out check it out it's all it's so good but yeah there's a there's an Instagram account called kids in the 80s and it's high school kids and they all look like they're 71 it's fucking weird man I don't get it that it wasn't that long ago I don't understand what happened
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
But she's laughing at like sucking someone's soul. Yeah. That's not a real laugh. Yeah. And no one is allowed to look her in the eye. So maybe that keeps you. No way.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah. That's on a writer. That's a real thing. That's out there.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
geez eye contact too intense i think that's when you lost this when you're drinking your own cool egg when you can't have people look at you get over yourself right i mean what the fuck are we talking about yeah i mean what's that all what did uh bill burr had a thing where he's some one of his favorite rock stars puts a hood up and that means don't talk to me and then hey if the hood's down i'm um i'm willing to socialize god what's his take on that
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
He said it's a good move because you don't have to look like a dick. You know, if you're like, I can't talk right now, I'm going to go in my room and lock the door. But if you've got the hood up, everybody just goes, ah, he needs a minute. He's an introvert.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
The hood means. I was trying to think of a joke that you got me. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, I do that with a bar. You ever on a date with a girl at a bar? Yes, impossible to not look at the fuck. Oh, here's a peeve.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I got to rewatch it. I haven't seen it. It's Marty Brest.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
He's great. I love Roden. Was he a comic? Where did he come from?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Well, you're going into comedy. You could be ugly. Exactly.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
All right, I got a peeve for you. Please. Now, I was just in Martha's Vineyard with the lady, so it's a lot of lady time.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
It was great. It was great. We had a great time. You can't not have fun there. The beach all day, drinks at night, the food, the shrimp, the oysters, you know, it's great.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
We get like a little hotel right on the beach. Oak Bluffs.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
and it's great and her sister's there with their kids so they have a pool so you can pop it on that do a little barbecue jump in the pool poke the kids and then get get the hell out uh but this is my my wife will do this one we'll walk by we'll be like hey we're gonna go get lunch let's go get lunch and we'll walk by a restaurant she'll go you want to go here or you want to go somewhere else
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
And I'm like, well, I guess we're going here now. Those are the options already. We can go here or we can go anywhere else. But you're pointing to here. So obviously, I'm like, just tell me you want to go here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, exactly. She wanted to do something else. But yeah, so it drove me crazy. I was like, just say you want to go here. She's like, I don't care. Well, you pointed this one out out of all the thousand restaurants. So just say it. Just own it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
What do you mean? Like Asian, like sushi, Indian, sushi, pizza, fucking three. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I know, right? It's crazy. Oh, they say the calories on there? Oh, I hate that. You have to. But everyone in there is fat as shit, so you're fucked if you're in there. If you're in there, you're getting fat.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
It's the last factory in America. They're all going away.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, you see? He's addicted. He can't stop. I'm just kidding.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, but along with the butt dial, you ever done this one? I'm on Instagram, and, you know, sometimes a little notification will pop down. Oh, my God. So I'm like, hold on. Yep. So I'm like, oh, how about that? And you click on it, and it's actually Godfrey's doing a live video right now. And you're like, oh, shit, I don't want to be in Godfrey's live video. Ah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I don't want to watch Godfrey work out and talk to the camera, and so you have to click out, click out, but he probably saw you coming in. He's like, hey, Mark.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
And I like Godfrey, but I don't want to watch somebody's private video or whatever.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
He doesn't laugh. I'm trying to picture it. Yeah, I can't do it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
That's like having a card counter in Vegas. You got a gay fashion guy helping you dress. The gay fashion guy. The guy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
All right. I'm not just going to keep telling the story when I see what's coming. Couldn't get it out. I had to do the weird not shit. Like the end of New Jack City. He's like, fuck you, man. I was doing a lot of dial gauging down there. Like, don't open it up too much, but keep it closed so it makes a noise.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
That's fascinating. Oh, my God. Your body knows as the keys open. You have a full 90s comic there. You ever notice? Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, yeah. But nothing better when your ass hits that scene. It just...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yes. Yeah, I get a pod going on the sink, and I'm just shitting like a toddler.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Shitting at the hotel room. It feels good to shit. Check your ass. There's a rec.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
i guess same thing i got a book in there too so i'll mix it up yeah just like i guess you limit your time sitting there because your body like interview books like in the in the bathroom and you just read a passage interview books yeah like oh yeah you know like an interview i brought in the cheesecake factory man well remember as a kid i was reading ajax i had the you know the the like the scrub shit mr bubbles i'm just reading anything because you're so bored shitting
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
But then it's the great debate of like, did I think of more shit when I was just wandering out the window? Or do I think of more shit because I'm being stabilized by the Gaza, by porn, by fistfights, by animal attacks? Who knows?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
There you go. They were wearing full burkas. It was a bummer.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
We have thousands of hours of footage of him from over decades, and I can't picture him laughing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Let's see. Yeah, no auditioning. You got any audition tips, by the way?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
All right, that was the last one. I have to lean my way. Lean my way.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Because I have the same thing. I always think I've got to be on and do this. And then you'll watch some guy. I'm like, that guy's never on. But he's enough. I still like him here. Yeah. Yeah. That's good advice.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah. Oh, yeah. You just want the writing to be enough. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, yeah. This is about as far as I'll go. So I was digging the other day. That's something. That's an act out.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Same with an orgy. One lady versus ten people. You're going to bring a different energy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
To your point, you ever seen UFC fighters? Like the relaxed guy, you know, he's just kind of like this. And he's like looking at the other guys. Yeah. That guy always loses.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Did you do the garden? I've only opened for people there. But you did the garden, technically did the garden.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, it's way harder. It's weird. Because comedy is all about a conversation and connecting. That's right. And now it's so much easier to lose people.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, of course. Yeah. I mean, you had to be broad because no one knew who you were. So you had to appeal to everybody.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
right let me fucking bring out this fucking safe one for the corporate one so i don't totally die yeah point yeah it's like i remember going to see the stones and they're like we're gonna do a new song and no one cared they want the old shit give us the old shit well it's funny how rock and roll or music is the opposite you know in the beginning they're playing their niche cool punk songs and everybody goes they sold out man they went mainstream whereas comics are mainstream in the beginning just to get some traction and then you can become you
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I can't even do Vince Vaughn, but he has such a distinct style of talking.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
You can learn the math of a joke a little bit, but you can't. Funny is funny.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Right. Right, right. Whitney Houston had pipes. Just put that together. Too bad no drain. All right, I'll tell you. All right, you're all right. He took a bath on that one. Okay.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah. I thought that's what we were doing. What the hell? She died in Bed Bath & Beyond. Horrible tragedy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
What, they were talking shit, so they stepped it up? I missed the beginning.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Can we pull up the parents? I want to do a little eugenics here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
That's true. Not me. I like being a comic and a white male. Life is good, man. People always say comics want to be rock stars. I'm like, I don't want to be a rock star. Some douche with tight leather pants on and long hair.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, what am I? I'm going to be Steven Tyler out there? No, thank you. I like sitting at a bar, telling a joke, and making fun of fat people.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
What's his name in that? It's so likable. Oh, the tall guy for the comedy guy. John C. Reilly. Nazi Reilly? John C. Reilly.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, I just love that movie. But I saw Inherent Vice on a date, and boy, was that a shit show.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
No, just boring and the date wasn't going great. I made a move. I got shut down.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, that's not fun at all. But man, what a movie. Saw that in the theater as well. How about Tom Cruise and those tighty-whities looking pretty good, huh?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Now, Kamala, I've only heard laugh. Yeah. I've never heard her say anything. She laughs too much.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I think he's got... Yeah, I think he's hiding something. I mean, he's a Scientologist for all these years. Something's up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
But look, I'm glad to have him as an actor. He is a great movie star. Great movie. He's the movie star.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah, Top Gun... You know he wouldn't take his Taiwan patch off on Top Gun? And China's like, we're not going to take the movie if you don't take that patch off. And he goes, leave it. So they probably lost out on billions of dollars selling it to China. But he wanted to keep the patch. Wow. Patch Adams. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Probably cheaper to go to space to shoot movies, to be honest. Now, how long do we get the first porno in space? That's coming.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Somebody said she's a wine mom, which is perfect. She's laughing too much, and then she won't talk later because she's too drunk. Somebody nailed it. I can't remember who that was.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, so they figured this out. Okay. Wow. I mean, you think these pilots. What was that? Boeing? Those two astronauts are stuck till 2025. You see that?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
They don't have enough food. The longest delay of all time. Stuck in space with just 96 hours of oxygen. Holy shit. Are they going to die?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
He looked like the fucking craziest angry person just screaming at someone on the phone. Does she get mad when you're mad? Is she like... She's always mad. Look at her. Yeah, I got to give a shout out to my buddy. During the crowd strike, you remember that whole thing for a week where they were canceling every flight? Uh-huh. System went down. He got fucked.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
He was stuck in Iowa for two days because his flights got screwed up. So he got a hotel. He had to get another flight. His flight home was three grand. So he's like, I'm getting money back from Delta. They're paying for all this. I'm like, good luck. He's like, watch me. That was like three weeks ago. He just got paid. So well done.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Baby, were you nervous? I mean, that's a cross-country life change.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, never thought of that. Holy shit. Wow, that's good stuff.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I remember when I first moved here, getting out of the cab. The cab was $45. I was staying at my mom's friends in Brooklyn for the first couple nights because I didn't know anyone or whatever. And she hated this, too. You know, you're barging into someone's New York life. People in New York are already scraping by. And then I'm like, hey, I'm 22, here to do stand-up comedy. But whatever.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
So all I had was three 20s. And I remember giving it to the cabbie and I went...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
uh it's 45 i got 320s he goes all right thank you and i was like huh and he just took the money and i was that was out of money then that was all i had that was it yeah because i worked $15 tip i worked a restaurant that's that's a fucking hilarious scene in the movie though yoink yoinked me and i he was like well you got a tip but i was like i guess you got a tip he could have given you a 10 it'd be nice a big tip give him a $15 tip i was i was i was a hayseed i was a rube i was a southern you could tell hard yeah you could feel it on me you weren't fucking overalls
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah. That's the new car parkway. Right, right. You drive on a parkway, you park in a driveway.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
A little straw in your mouth. I got the bag with the stick on it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I grew up in the city, so we don't really have one. We say y'all. Yeah. And we say, we take our T-H's and do a D. How's your mom and them? That's a big New Orleans thing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
It got purchased. That's true. But then I moved to Crown Heights. Landlord died of AIDS. Yeah. Got mugged immediately. And I lived as a Jewish side, Hasidic Jew and a Caribbean black. One big highway going down the middle, and I lived on the black side. So all the black guys thought I was Jewish. They were like, you're on the wrong side, motherfucker.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
They'd pull up in their minivan and be like, get in, get in. And I was like, I'm not Jewish. And they'd slide that door closed and Hava Nagila.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I did a gig in Lancaster. You ever see the buggies, the horse and buggy out there, the Amish people?
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Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Yeah. Yeah. It's weird because they're at the Wawa. What's a Wawa? Wawa is like a 7-Eleven.
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Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
But you can see them in there. It's like Disneyland. They're like, oh my God, they got a fucking slushy machine. It's just this red glowing slush going on.
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Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
And they're like, they'll turn on the lights. Yeah. What's the holiday call where they allow one guy to come into their village and bang all the women? Rumspringer? I don't think it's that. That's where you leave. That's where you leave. Yeah, yeah. This is something else. And I'm like, how do you get that job?
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Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
That's fucking. I've seen Witness. Oh, is that a good one? Oh, it's a great movie. Great movie. I should check that one out.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
There's a day where you go in, they let like random dudes go in and plow all the butter churning whores. Sounds good. Oh, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
that was once because we weren't here i do it on my phone everybody's like that's fine and then i get a million comments what do you have recording that on a potato tin can yeah what else anything else to plug some and anything uh geez not really man just uh blink twice is out now go check it out um greedy people's out now and uh Movies are back, baby.
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Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Well, I try to do the ice cold shower, but it's too easy to get in and out. You need the bath.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I went there with Tim Dillon once. Talk about a sight. Just this fat gay guy holding court, and he's snapping a twink with a towel. Yeah. Quite an image, seeing him in an ice bath or a Turkish bath. I love the Schwitz, man. Love it. Gotta sweat it out.
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Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Should we end on Schwitz or should we end on something else? See how dumb that is?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Break the ice. Break the, what was it? That's when ships show up with the cargo and they got to break the ice to get them in because they're like, finally some more supplies. Break the ice. Let those fuckers drop those diapers off.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Hey, hey, Orlando, Florida. Bring the kids. Worst flight in the biz. Easily the worst flight. And I'm doing the hard rock, which I've heard are tough for comedy. Fort Lauderdale, Portland, Oregon, London, Ontario, Toronto. We added a show. Newport, Rhode Island, Monterey, California, Oakland, Winnipeg, Edmonton, Cleveland. Come on out. Fayetteville, Wichita, Kalamazoo, Chicago, theater.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I told you the Larry David story. no uh i'll be i'll be quick so i'm doing the chicago theater at 7 p.m i get a call from my agent weird request larry david wants to do the chicago theater same day he wants 7 p.m so can you move to nine and i said i'll move to nine but i get to meet him really they said we can do that oh awesome he's gonna hate every minute of it but uh i'll get the photo
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
It's not selling well. I think people there are having trouble with money, but we'll see what happens.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Thanks, man. Always a pleasure. Thanks, guys. Vince Vaughn, get your fat ass on here, you four-headed freak.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Look at that. It's a real thing. Look at that bottle. It's strong and sturdy. It really hit a person.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Sexy bottle. That's a pet peeve. I'm out in Martha's Vineyard. Oh, you got a whiskey? You guys should do some ready to drinks. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to do it. We're on it. All this shit takes time.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, I thought it was the yoke. The yoke was the envelope.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, yeah. I know, right? Damn, this is a good flavor. Holy shit. I've been eating. I ate half that bag. All right, I'm going to have one. What is it?
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Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Laugh Factory. nah it's like a place they do live shows anyway dynasty type i got to perform with triumph oh okay fucking cool all right yeah i'm a huge fan for me to poop on yeah he's that was amazing michael's a man dude yeah that was cool i don't know if you could do half of his uh i mean he would just go call everybody a virgin at comic-con you could do it all right he's still doing it
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Oh, yeah. And we're off. The sound of domestic abuse. Here we are.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
That's all you need is to see the house because the attic is a little lackluster. Yeah. There's not much going on.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
She was like, a little more room would have been nice. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
I guess cried and screamed. She wrote. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, I guess so.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Remember going to 7-Eleven as a kid? You're like, they know. They have no idea. They're never thinking about you. You're like a 14-year-old idiot. They don't give a shit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Hollywood. Yeah, like always this way. She faces Mecca. Always.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
Big fan. If you ever want to see some shit you can't do, is it Jumbo the Clown? What's that? Oh, don't even pull it up. Really? I might have the name wrong, but he was just like an offensive clown.