Sidney Lynn Shandyhand
Appearances
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Trip Fest 2025!
And don't forget to pick up one of Heavenly Heartlet's skincare cleaning kits. You'll get two face exfoliators made from petrified wood and crumbled palm leaves. Plus, our patented skin cleanser with fish scales, turtle shell, and camel dung.
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And as a bonus, we'll throw in our night mask made from authentic BC cloth so you can accomplish your wifely nighttime duties without the discomfort of eye contact. And if you act today, I'll throw in the blessed tummy towel. With this towel, you'll be right with the word when you clean your righteous man's emissions from your sinful skin.
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And with our patented technology, you'll be able to freeze those little swimmers and save them for future conception. Remember the words of my husband in his now famous sermon, where would Jesus put it? Don't ever finish full of doubt. Save the children when pulling out. Being a proud, pious woman in the world today takes a lot of time, care, and instruction from the men.
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Well, hello, my fellow sheep and angels of the Lord. It's Sidney Lynn Shandyhand, dutiful wife of beloved pastor, provider, head of household, and true alpha man of God, Dr. Carl Shandyhand. As a mother,
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Serving those men of the church is our life's passion and purpose. And regardless of how we feel about it, we're gonna put on our face, smile through the pain, and bow to their every whim. It's a surefire way to get to heaven, and I sure hope I'm not wasting my life. Let the Heavenly Heartlet skincare and makeup line help you hide yourself.
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Heavenly Heartlet is proudly sold at the Crabapple Church's Women's Bible Circles, our monthly moon cycle retreats where we're ostracized from the men, and of course, Hobby Lobby. All proceeds go directly to the Church Real Estate Hedge Fund to further the wealth of the church elders. Heavenly Heartlet, be your best with your prettiest face and your longest dress.
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of seven beautiful young ladies I have the honor of molding these young impressionable mushy minds and souls as we walk in the light of his glory we often struggle to find the right balance between traditional female roles and our desire to look our best for the godly men leading our flock that's why
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With the permission of my husband and the church elders, I've developed Heavenly Heartlet skincare and makeup line in partnership with the Lord and strictly following the scripture. Heavenly Heartlet only uses ingredients and production methods available during the time of the Old Testament.
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Just one look at our products and you'll know you're going to look great, feel subservient, and be your best for the next interaction with the men of the word. Look here. Here's Terry Jo, our 18-year-old daughter wearing heavenly heart-lit lip lining. Made from unleavened bread, Dead Sea salt brine, and mud collected from the soles of first century sandals.
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Terry looks great, feels unconfident, and now she's ready for me and her father to pick her husband. Take a look at Lindsay Jean, showcasing our Heartlet Blush. We combined the dust of volcano rock, hair from two oxen, and the blood of baptized sheep to create that rosy red glow our church elders will see all the way from the pulpit. Lindsay Jean is a flower all the men are watching blossom.