Show Clip

Tan Levitard.

Tan Levitard.

Stu Gatz.

Stu Gatz.

It's just a factual detail on where he was physically.

It's just a factual detail on where he was physically.

So what? Your kid has ringworm! Dandy bear! Elder! Inside the Gus Ritchie Red Zone!

So what? Your kid has ringworm! Dandy bear! Elder! Inside the Gus Ritchie Red Zone!

This is the oral history of the Tan Levitard Show with Stu Gatz.

This is the oral history of the Tan Levitard Show with Stu Gatz.

All we had was an alley.

All we had was an alley.

I wanted that.

I wanted that.

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Bredos is handsome, dude. What kind of observation is that?

Bredos is handsome, dude. What kind of observation is that?

Whoa.

Whoa.

Okay, let's just keep it moving. I don't, this is a disaster. Let's keep it moving. I'm just telling you what she said. I didn't know how to respond to it. I was uncomfortable as well.

Okay, let's just keep it moving. I don't, this is a disaster. Let's keep it moving. I'm just telling you what she said. I didn't know how to respond to it. I was uncomfortable as well.

Man, that's a 98-mile-an-hour fastball right there.

Man, that's a 98-mile-an-hour fastball right there.

This is quite a way to get reacquainted with Super Dave. You didn't know. Look, you have shocked.

This is quite a way to get reacquainted with Super Dave. You didn't know. Look, you have shocked.

You have shocked Bomani Jones. Bomani Jones would look less strange right now and horrified if his eyebrows were on fire.

You have shocked Bomani Jones. Bomani Jones would look less strange right now and horrified if his eyebrows were on fire.

How could I shock him? What happened to the day is we used this to get hurtled through stuff. Like, you know, you did like a stunt type thing. Oh, that's real good hurt.

How could I shock him? What happened to the day is we used this to get hurtled through stuff. Like, you know, you did like a stunt type thing. Oh, that's real good hurt.

Now you know who he is? Now?

Now you know who he is? Now?

Repeat that. I didn't get the gist of that.

Repeat that. I didn't get the gist of that.

Oh, please don't make me repeat that. You want me to try? Yeah, you try it.

Oh, please don't make me repeat that. You want me to try? Yeah, you try it.

Well, that depends on the consistency of what I'm doing. Thank you, bud.

Well, that depends on the consistency of what I'm doing. Thank you, bud.

He brags about having never been late to work, but then he leaves the show early for a fantasy draft. He does advertisements for testosterone boosters that he declares have improved his sex life, and then complains about his languishing sex life on the air. He says parenting is all luck, but then requests to leave the show early for a family dinner so he can set a good example for his children.

He brags about having never been late to work, but then he leaves the show early for a fantasy draft. He does advertisements for testosterone boosters that he declares have improved his sex life, and then complains about his languishing sex life on the air. He says parenting is all luck, but then requests to leave the show early for a family dinner so he can set a good example for his children.

He tells everyone how great he is at fantasy sports, only to reveal years later that he hired a guy named Inferno to draft all his teams. He is the most inconsistent man in the world.

He tells everyone how great he is at fantasy sports, only to reveal years later that he hired a guy named Inferno to draft all his teams. He is the most inconsistent man in the world.

I don't always have takes, but when I do, they're all over the place. Stay inconsistent, my friends.

I don't always have takes, but when I do, they're all over the place. Stay inconsistent, my friends.

30! Touchdown, Miami's aquarium!

30! Touchdown, Miami's aquarium!

Also brought to you by Publix. So everything on the broadcast is sponsored? Like every play? It's our Brandsmore USA kickoff.

Also brought to you by Publix. So everything on the broadcast is sponsored? Like every play? It's our Brandsmore USA kickoff.

Every play.

Every play.

So it's everything.

So it's everything.

Is it everything?

Is it everything?

Touchdown Miami's aquarium Lolita. Come see Flipper.

Touchdown Miami's aquarium Lolita. Come see Flipper.

Kane Ferguson. $9.99 coupons. You've got to keep going. Kids free on Sundays. bunny palooza right now yeah you gotta you gotta keep going come see our sad wailing come see lolita swim in a bathtub yes that's how you do it like just think of think of more kids will awkwardly ask you why does our friend look like that and you'll have to tell them It's because she's in a bathtub.

Kane Ferguson. $9.99 coupons. You've got to keep going. Kids free on Sundays. bunny palooza right now yeah you gotta you gotta keep going come see our sad wailing come see lolita swim in a bathtub yes that's how you do it like just think of think of more kids will awkwardly ask you why does our friend look like that and you'll have to tell them It's because she's in a bathtub.

That's not her natural habitat. It's a terrible habitat for a giant animal. Come see sharks, possibly drugs, swimming in green water.

That's not her natural habitat. It's a terrible habitat for a giant animal. Come see sharks, possibly drugs, swimming in green water.

Spend $5 on a wax figure that you'll regret as soon as you get home.

Spend $5 on a wax figure that you'll regret as soon as you get home.

You're wasting this man's time! What do you think? I'm with your friend. You're wasting my time. Yes, why? That's a crazy idea.

You're wasting this man's time! What do you think? I'm with your friend. You're wasting my time. Yes, why? That's a crazy idea.

You would agree, more time, the stars are on the field, the better for baseball. Really? You're going to continue to argue this? You're really going to continue to argue this?

You would agree, more time, the stars are on the field, the better for baseball. Really? You're going to continue to argue this? You're really going to continue to argue this?

Let me give you a really serious answer about a suggestion like that. We are very open to the idea of making changes to the game. We see pace of game as one example of it. We see instant replays. from last year as another example of it.

Let me give you a really serious answer about a suggestion like that. We are very open to the idea of making changes to the game. We see pace of game as one example of it. We see instant replays. from last year as another example of it.

When you make those changes, I think it's always important to ask yourself the question as to whether you are interfering with the history and the traditions of the game. And I think the suggestion that you just floated would fall squarely in the category of would interfere with the history and traditions of the game.

When you make those changes, I think it's always important to ask yourself the question as to whether you are interfering with the history and the traditions of the game. And I think the suggestion that you just floated would fall squarely in the category of would interfere with the history and traditions of the game.

Yeah, let's get that started. No, I think that's a no.

Yeah, let's get that started. No, I think that's a no.

A defiant and angry no.

A defiant and angry no.

Did you hear the part about the smoke?

Did you hear the part about the smoke?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I don't blame you at all. Of course not.

I don't blame you at all. Of course not.

When I got it, it took me a little while to get it. You know, I got some whiskey on mine because I went right home, touched my baby in it. She said, no, we're not. I said, yes, we are. You're not getting into this bed.

When I got it, it took me a little while to get it. You know, I got some whiskey on mine because I went right home, touched my baby in it. She said, no, we're not. I said, yes, we are. You're not getting into this bed.

You're not getting into this bed with this jacket on. Yes, I am. Yes, you are. Yes, we do. All right. There you go. That is a startling story, but okay. You wanted to be wearing the Hall of Fame jacket. While making love, I don't know how many people have done that, but congratulations.

You're not getting into this bed with this jacket on. Yes, I am. Yes, you are. Yes, we do. All right. There you go. That is a startling story, but okay. You wanted to be wearing the Hall of Fame jacket. While making love, I don't know how many people have done that, but congratulations.

We got a Hall of Famer here, baby.

We got a Hall of Famer here, baby.

My three-year-old loves that song, by the way. Let me hear that again. I didn't realize we had. Not that version of it, though. Right. Unless there's a SpongeBob version of this one, too.

My three-year-old loves that song, by the way. Let me hear that again. I didn't realize we had. Not that version of it, though. Right. Unless there's a SpongeBob version of this one, too.

It's beautiful. It is beautiful.

It's beautiful. It is beautiful.

I mean, it's spiritual. It's emotional. Turn.

I mean, it's spiritual. It's emotional. Turn.

Like here, into the ground, your final punctuation, you are done. You've got more hymnals?

Like here, into the ground, your final punctuation, you are done. You've got more hymnals?

It's just been whispered into my ear. We've got three more hymnals if you want to go to them.

It's just been whispered into my ear. We've got three more hymnals if you want to go to them.

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

Sorry for party rocking.

Sorry for party rocking.

Okay, sorry for party rocking.

Okay, sorry for party rocking.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Dan, how you doing? Good, manly man. Stu, how you doing there, hombre? Doing well. Been a minute. I had a great weekend. My wife and I, we actually welcomed a little one. Yeah, she gave birth to a Dodge Ram.

Dan, how you doing? Good, manly man. Stu, how you doing there, hombre? Doing well. Been a minute. I had a great weekend. My wife and I, we actually welcomed a little one. Yeah, she gave birth to a Dodge Ram.

Really? That's interesting. So that is... Wow. You had something in your pants there. All right.

Really? That's interesting. So that is... Wow. You had something in your pants there. All right.

A hemi. Yeah. Which of the following is the most effective tool for settling a dispute? Is it A, rock, B, piper, C, scissors, or D, a punch to the head?

A hemi. Yeah. Which of the following is the most effective tool for settling a dispute? Is it A, rock, B, piper, C, scissors, or D, a punch to the head?

Wow. I feel like I laid that one open there for you, fellas. All you had to do was slam it down and hit him. Neither of you are the man. Punch to the head?

Wow. I feel like I laid that one open there for you, fellas. All you had to do was slam it down and hit him. Neither of you are the man. Punch to the head?

I mean, and besides, scissors beat paper, so I don't really know what you're doing there.

I mean, and besides, scissors beat paper, so I don't really know what you're doing there.

You're trying to find me something that can beat my punch to your head. All right. Does paper beat rock? Yes. All right, fellas. Y'all ready? Yes. All right. Time to start chopping some wood. Playtime is over. I don't go home. You don't go home. You can go ahead and die for your man off. I'm going to live for mine. You want to answer the question as soon as I ask? Hang on. Music.

You're trying to find me something that can beat my punch to your head. All right. Does paper beat rock? Yes. All right, fellas. Y'all ready? Yes. All right. Time to start chopping some wood. Playtime is over. I don't go home. You don't go home. You can go ahead and die for your man off. I'm going to live for mine. You want to answer the question as soon as I ask? Hang on. Music.

Yeah, we start the music. Get that saloon music.

Yeah, we start the music. Get that saloon music.

A is green. For the love of God. Blue is a beautiful smoke gray. I'm going to go blue. All right. All right. Hit him. Hit him. You're my boy. You're my boy, Stu. 2-0! He's got beautiful blue papers! I'm upset Heavenly wasn't an option for that bongo-playing Adonis. How to lose a guy in 10 days? What kind of ridiculous premise for a movie is that?

A is green. For the love of God. Blue is a beautiful smoke gray. I'm going to go blue. All right. All right. Hit him. Hit him. You're my boy. You're my boy, Stu. 2-0! He's got beautiful blue papers! I'm upset Heavenly wasn't an option for that bongo-playing Adonis. How to lose a guy in 10 days? What kind of ridiculous premise for a movie is that?

Why in the hell would Kate Hudson want to lose Matthew McConaughey, let alone in 10 days? And his role as Dallas Magic Mike? That is a game-changer, folks. All right, all right, all right! Congrats, Stu!

Why in the hell would Kate Hudson want to lose Matthew McConaughey, let alone in 10 days? And his role as Dallas Magic Mike? That is a game-changer, folks. All right, all right, all right! Congrats, Stu!

This is Coach K. I can come back with Levitard.

This is Coach K. I can come back with Levitard.

Yes. Thank you so much for having me on your program. You know, a lot of people don't know that.

Yes. Thank you so much for having me on your program. You know, a lot of people don't know that.

All the publicity, you know, went to Dusty Rhodes, the American Dream. Nobody was giving me any of that publicity.

All the publicity, you know, went to Dusty Rhodes, the American Dream. Nobody was giving me any of that publicity.

Right. Right. It seems unfair.

Right. Right. It seems unfair.

Yeah, it does seem unfair.

Yeah, it does seem unfair.

I'm sorry that we forgot about you. Where are you now?

I'm sorry that we forgot about you. Where are you now?

Well, yesterday I was in heaven with the American Dream that derailed. We came up together, coincidentally.

Well, yesterday I was in heaven with the American Dream that derailed. We came up together, coincidentally.

Oh, no! That was yesterday? It's terrible. That happened yesterday, so today...

Oh, no! That was yesterday? It's terrible. That happened yesterday, so today...

I am in purgatory trying to work my way back to heaven. Right.

I am in purgatory trying to work my way back to heaven. Right.

With Gorilla Monsoon, the Junkyard Doll, Big John Stud. Wait a minute. Big John Stud was in heaven yesterday. Why did he get demoted to purgatory? No, I'm trying to get back to heaven.

With Gorilla Monsoon, the Junkyard Doll, Big John Stud. Wait a minute. Big John Stud was in heaven yesterday. Why did he get demoted to purgatory? No, I'm trying to get back to heaven.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay.

And pay attention. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What's happening?

And pay attention. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What's happening?

I know.

I know.

I know. Who is in purgatory with you? What are you doing in purgatory? I'm just waiting, trying to get back.

I know. Who is in purgatory with you? What are you doing in purgatory? I'm just waiting, trying to get back.

I don't know. I haven't seen anybody I recognize. I'm waiting for Holly Reese. I'm waiting for Ted DiGiassi. I hear they're coming, but they're not here yet.

I don't know. I haven't seen anybody I recognize. I'm waiting for Holly Reese. I'm waiting for Ted DiGiassi. I hear they're coming, but they're not here yet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, God. That's an excellent question. When I hang up, I'm going to try to find out. All right. Well, do you have anything else you got here, or do you want to go ahead and hang up and find out? Thank you for having me on the program. I'm going to go find out. I'll report back if I know anything.

Oh, God. That's an excellent question. When I hang up, I'm going to try to find out. All right. Well, do you have anything else you got here, or do you want to go ahead and hang up and find out? Thank you for having me on the program. I'm going to go find out. I'll report back if I know anything.

All right.

All right.

Thank you. Good talking to you, fake midnight rider.

Thank you. Good talking to you, fake midnight rider.

We can summarize it all in three words. Make that four words. We are the Lobos. Thank you. We are the Lobos.

We can summarize it all in three words. Make that four words. We are the Lobos. Thank you. We are the Lobos.

We are the Lobos. We are the Lobos. We are the Lobos. We are the Lobos.

We are the Lobos. We are the Lobos. We are the Lobos. We are the Lobos.

Wait a minute. Let me just stop you.

Wait a minute. Let me just stop you.

It was fun to be out there. I think everyone enjoyed it. There's something different about how the football is coming off Andy's hand.

It was fun to be out there. I think everyone enjoyed it. There's something different about how the football is coming off Andy's hand.

It wasn't perfect today. There's going to be things that we need to correct, but I think this is a great building block for this team. A good team win.

It wasn't perfect today. There's going to be things that we need to correct, but I think this is a great building block for this team. A good team win.

It was a good week of practice. A lot of guys made plays. It was wins and losses. It was not about the stats. It's a long season, the same way we won two games and not get too high. We're not going to lose one game and not get too low. We got the pieces in places, you know.

It was a good week of practice. A lot of guys made plays. It was wins and losses. It was not about the stats. It's a long season, the same way we won two games and not get too high. We're not going to lose one game and not get too low. We got the pieces in places, you know.

I'm the engineer, and I have to do better. We lost as a team, and so, you know, we have to deal with that as a team. This win was big. We got to put our... tissues away and go out there and just get ready to practice and play. What we can do, we can go back, practice hard, take more reps after practice. That's how you get better.

I'm the engineer, and I have to do better. We lost as a team, and so, you know, we have to deal with that as a team. This win was big. We got to put our... tissues away and go out there and just get ready to practice and play. What we can do, we can go back, practice hard, take more reps after practice. That's how you get better.

We just want to have great pride and be a finishing team in all opportunities we get.

We just want to have great pride and be a finishing team in all opportunities we get.

It's an emotional game. Every game is, some more than others. This one certainly was.

It's an emotional game. Every game is, some more than others. This one certainly was.

Great day out there for football. We've got a dozen eggs, a quart of milk, a loaf of bread, a can of frozen orange juice, six small white onions, a green pepper, garlic powder, a package of American cheese, pickles, kosher that is, toilet paper, six bars of soap, hot dogs, quarter pound of chopped meat, steak, lamb chops, package of spaghetti, three apples, bologna, cottage cheese, a pound

Great day out there for football. We've got a dozen eggs, a quart of milk, a loaf of bread, a can of frozen orange juice, six small white onions, a green pepper, garlic powder, a package of American cheese, pickles, kosher that is, toilet paper, six bars of soap, hot dogs, quarter pound of chopped meat, steak, lamb chops, package of spaghetti, three apples, bologna, cottage cheese, a pound

Beer, ketchup, peanut butter, soy sauce, and a half a pound of coffee.

Beer, ketchup, peanut butter, soy sauce, and a half a pound of coffee.

Vin, you say that so slowly now, so carefully, like you're walking around landmines.

Vin, you say that so slowly now, so carefully, like you're walking around landmines.

And there's a Miami Seaquarium kickoff. Don't buy a ticket. Turn around. Do not support animal cruelty. It's a first and ten. A Miami Seaquarium first and ten. The center dolphin tank has a large steel pipe that makes me wonder how many people have hit their head on it. It's a fumble. They should close this abomination immediately. It's old, small, dirty, very boring, touchdown, Miami's Aquarium.

And there's a Miami Seaquarium kickoff. Don't buy a ticket. Turn around. Do not support animal cruelty. It's a first and ten. A Miami Seaquarium first and ten. The center dolphin tank has a large steel pipe that makes me wonder how many people have hit their head on it. It's a fumble. They should close this abomination immediately. It's old, small, dirty, very boring, touchdown, Miami's Aquarium.

You'll wonder how this place stays open. Where else can you ask, is that sea lion dead? The vending machine ain't my dollar at the Miami's Aquarium. And how can you keep a whale in a pool for 45 years?

You'll wonder how this place stays open. Where else can you ask, is that sea lion dead? The vending machine ain't my dollar at the Miami's Aquarium. And how can you keep a whale in a pool for 45 years?

The whale looks bored. I don't know what else to tell you. I've said a million times, Levitard is my favorite show. I think he's the most creative, different sort of individual that we have. He's the smartest guy. It's not for everybody. Not everyone is going to be into it. But the people who are going to be into it are going to love it.

The whale looks bored. I don't know what else to tell you. I've said a million times, Levitard is my favorite show. I think he's the most creative, different sort of individual that we have. He's the smartest guy. It's not for everybody. Not everyone is going to be into it. But the people who are going to be into it are going to love it.

I like the way he delivers it. He and I have disagreed more than a few times, you know, loudly on the air with one another, and I'm sure that will continue. But, yeah, I do love his take. And Stugatz, well, you know. I mean, what are you going to do?

I like the way he delivers it. He and I have disagreed more than a few times, you know, loudly on the air with one another, and I'm sure that will continue. But, yeah, I do love his take. And Stugatz, well, you know. I mean, what are you going to do?

Stugatz, anyone could be sitting where he is.

Stugatz, anyone could be sitting where he is.

That's exactly right. And it would be fun. He tries to differentiate himself by wearing a tuxedo. I mean, seriously?

That's exactly right. And it would be fun. He tries to differentiate himself by wearing a tuxedo. I mean, seriously?

Well, starting on Tuesday at this time, two guys will be ranting and raving permanently about topics like this. We know them very well. Dan Levitard, Stugatz. Cats moving 10-1 right here on ESPN Radio. ESPNU. Dan, Stu, congrats. How are you? Good.

Well, starting on Tuesday at this time, two guys will be ranting and raving permanently about topics like this. We know them very well. Dan Levitard, Stugatz. Cats moving 10-1 right here on ESPN Radio. ESPNU. Dan, Stu, congrats. How are you? Good.

Thank you for having us on, guys. But we won't be talking about this. We'll be talking about who in sports is likely to throw out their back sneezing violently. Like, even I just raked.

Thank you for having us on, guys. But we won't be talking about this. We'll be talking about who in sports is likely to throw out their back sneezing violently. Like, even I just raked.

The most exciting part about what you said is that show ain't changing. Ladies and gentlemen, that's the best part about it.

The most exciting part about what you said is that show ain't changing. Ladies and gentlemen, that's the best part about it.

Yeah. We're excited about that. Like ESPN has been great to us. Like we've gotten so much support and, uh, And it's, yeah, they promised us that we can do the same show that we always do, so it'll be goofy. And, you know, we'll talk to Lemmy from Motorhead. But you guys probably should get back to this Deflategate talk. No, no, come on. Come on, Levitar. That's nice. Thank you.

Yeah. We're excited about that. Like ESPN has been great to us. Like we've gotten so much support and, uh, And it's, yeah, they promised us that we can do the same show that we always do, so it'll be goofy. And, you know, we'll talk to Lemmy from Motorhead. But you guys probably should get back to this Deflategate talk. No, no, come on. Come on, Levitar. That's nice. Thank you.

But I think people probably want to.

But I think people probably want to.

You're talking to us about a time change in the lineup, which is great. We appreciate it. We are excited for it. This is big breaking news that we were waiting like nine months for. I feel like you should be talking about it.

You're talking to us about a time change in the lineup, which is great. We appreciate it. We are excited for it. This is big breaking news that we were waiting like nine months for. I feel like you should be talking about it.

Following us every single day here on ESPN Radio and on ESPNU starting at 10 o'clock Eastern Time. I'm not sure why it's called the Dan Lebitard Show because clearly the star is Stu Goss. Without a doubt. Stu Goss. He's the man. With a contribution from Dan Lebitard every single morning. But it's the Stu Goss Show. It should be Stu Goss featuring Dan Lebitard. That guy's a superstar.

Following us every single day here on ESPN Radio and on ESPNU starting at 10 o'clock Eastern Time. I'm not sure why it's called the Dan Lebitard Show because clearly the star is Stu Goss. Without a doubt. Stu Goss. He's the man. With a contribution from Dan Lebitard every single morning. But it's the Stu Goss Show. It should be Stu Goss featuring Dan Lebitard. That guy's a superstar.

You know, you can tell that he's the guy who's going to become, you know, it's called the Dan Lebitard Show with Stu Gatz.

You know, you can tell that he's the guy who's going to become, you know, it's called the Dan Lebitard Show with Stu Gatz.

Listen, Dan is kind of that star now, but Stu Gatz is that ascending star. And soon it will be Lebitard that's latching on to the coattails of Stu Gatz's tuxedo as he rises to stardom.

Listen, Dan is kind of that star now, but Stu Gatz is that ascending star. And soon it will be Lebitard that's latching on to the coattails of Stu Gatz's tuxedo as he rises to stardom.

To the tails. Yeah, he's gonna be wearing exactly right the actual tail.

To the tails. Yeah, he's gonna be wearing exactly right the actual tail.

Yes, and and Levitt I'll just be the next great star that goes by one name.

Yes, and and Levitt I'll just be the next great star that goes by one name.

I can tell you something right now My dreams are all about deals and dollars.

I can tell you something right now My dreams are all about deals and dollars.

Sure, but they've had some unusual wins, too. I mean, you didn't expect them to go and beat the Clippers and the Bulls on the road, and you certainly didn't expect them to beat Cleveland two times in Miami and beat Portland a couple weeks ago.

Sure, but they've had some unusual wins, too. I mean, you didn't expect them to go and beat the Clippers and the Bulls on the road, and you certainly didn't expect them to beat Cleveland two times in Miami and beat Portland a couple weeks ago.

I don't know. It seems like it's about even probably at this point.

I don't know. It seems like it's about even probably at this point.

It depends how you define a bad loss. I don't know, man.

It depends how you define a bad loss. I don't know, man.

Are you okay? Is everything all right? You know where I'm sitting right now? I've pulled over into the parking lot of a KFC in Indianapolis. So you're sad about your life right now.

Are you okay? Is everything all right? You know where I'm sitting right now? I've pulled over into the parking lot of a KFC in Indianapolis. So you're sad about your life right now.

What's happening right now is you're sad about your life and you're disagreeable.

What's happening right now is you're sad about your life and you're disagreeable.

Are we done here, man? Are we done? I'm done. All right. See you later, buddy.

Are we done here, man? Are we done? I'm done. All right. See you later, buddy.

But who'd we put the crown on?

But who'd we put the crown on?

He retweeted people thanking him for saving the podcast when he had absolutely nothing to do with saving the podcast. He starts sentences with, yeah, no. He calls Nikola Vucevic the Russian, even though he is Swiss. He says parenting doesn't matter, and then encourages his Twitter followers to purchase his mother's book on parenting. He is the most inconsistent man in the world.

He retweeted people thanking him for saving the podcast when he had absolutely nothing to do with saving the podcast. He starts sentences with, yeah, no. He calls Nikola Vucevic the Russian, even though he is Swiss. He says parenting doesn't matter, and then encourages his Twitter followers to purchase his mother's book on parenting. He is the most inconsistent man in the world.

I don't always have takes, but when I do, they're all over the place.

I don't always have takes, but when I do, they're all over the place.

Stay inconsistent, my friends.

Stay inconsistent, my friends.

Listen, the bottom line with Matt Harvey, if the Mets had any guts, any guts at all, they would take the one thing away from Matt Harvey that he wants most, and that's to pitch in his postseason. If they had any sort of guts, they wouldn't pitch him, they'd go with Bartolo Colon, they wouldn't pitch him at all in the postseason, and they'd trade him the offseason. They had any guts.

Listen, the bottom line with Matt Harvey, if the Mets had any guts, any guts at all, they would take the one thing away from Matt Harvey that he wants most, and that's to pitch in his postseason. If they had any sort of guts, they wouldn't pitch him, they'd go with Bartolo Colon, they wouldn't pitch him at all in the postseason, and they'd trade him the offseason. They had any guts.

And Colin, let me tell you something, okay? Matt Harvey being late? Are you kidding me? Matt Harvey's the one guy? He should have been there an hour early greeting the rest of the team. With gifts, I'll hang up and listen.

And Colin, let me tell you something, okay? Matt Harvey being late? Are you kidding me? Matt Harvey's the one guy? He should have been there an hour early greeting the rest of the team. With gifts, I'll hang up and listen.

Oh, my God. I'll hang up and listen. How can someone who has a national show be so clueless? Don't give him what he wants the most. Yes, so here's the Mets. If they feel, let's see, Matt Harvey, Bartolo, Colon. If the Mets as an organization say we have a better chance to pitch, win with Matt Harvey, let's not pitch him.

Oh, my God. I'll hang up and listen. How can someone who has a national show be so clueless? Don't give him what he wants the most. Yes, so here's the Mets. If they feel, let's see, Matt Harvey, Bartolo, Colon. If the Mets as an organization say we have a better chance to pitch, win with Matt Harvey, let's not pitch him.

Let's punish Matt Harvey where we can still trade him in the offseason if we want, but let's punish the entire team by not pitching the guy that gives us the best chance to win. Oh, yeah. That's the way to go, Stugatz. Perfect.

Let's punish Matt Harvey where we can still trade him in the offseason if we want, but let's punish the entire team by not pitching the guy that gives us the best chance to win. Oh, yeah. That's the way to go, Stugatz. Perfect.

How long has Ava Goda been old? He was old in The Godfather, and that came out in 1972. But, you know, James Codd and Marlon Brando were about the same age in The Godfather. Ava Goda in The Godfather.

How long has Ava Goda been old? He was old in The Godfather, and that came out in 1972. But, you know, James Codd and Marlon Brando were about the same age in The Godfather. Ava Goda in The Godfather.

One trick pony. One hit wonder.

One trick pony. One hit wonder.

Take a good look, Cleveland. Take a good look. Because this is what the world championship looks like, buddy. Hell, Johnny Idiot's face over there is never going to bring you a title. LeBron James sure as hell ain't bringing a title back to Cleveland. This is the only championship you should be celebrating. So suck it up! Because I'm living this piece of crap down!

Take a good look, Cleveland. Take a good look. Because this is what the world championship looks like, buddy. Hell, Johnny Idiot's face over there is never going to bring you a title. LeBron James sure as hell ain't bringing a title back to Cleveland. This is the only championship you should be celebrating. So suck it up! Because I'm living this piece of crap down!

And I'm taking this title with me! Money! Woohoo!

And I'm taking this title with me! Money! Woohoo!

Is that Joe? There was some Joe Zagacki?

Is that Joe? There was some Joe Zagacki?

You tell that to Josh Beckett!

You tell that to Josh Beckett!

There was some Joe Zagacki in there.

There was some Joe Zagacki in there.

What's he doing here? The Florida Marlins were better, and you can see Marlins at the beautiful Miami San Pedro.

What's he doing here? The Florida Marlins were better, and you can see Marlins at the beautiful Miami San Pedro.

Mike is actually growing a Josh Beckett goatee the more he yells. It's actually amazing.

Mike is actually growing a Josh Beckett goatee the more he yells. It's actually amazing.

D-Train! D-Train. Honey Harris! Mikey Mordecai. Lenny Harris.

D-Train! D-Train. Honey Harris! Mikey Mordecai. Lenny Harris.

Role players, Dan. All important.

Role players, Dan. All important.

We have a sponsored home run call.

We have a sponsored home run call.

It was a guy named Banks. He was huge.

It was a guy named Banks. He was huge.

Collinsworth in the gap. We got to like six names before it was a guy named Banks.

Collinsworth in the gap. We got to like six names before it was a guy named Banks.

Chad Fox, what a pickup. I was a good man. I was a good setup man, Chad Fox. Boogie Urbina, he lit a man on fire. He went to jail.

Chad Fox, what a pickup. I was a good man. I was a good setup man, Chad Fox. Boogie Urbina, he lit a man on fire. He went to jail.

He went to jail.

He went to jail.

He was in jail. He's still in jail. He lit a man on fire. Allegedly. There was a chainsaw involved. World Series hero. He traded for Adrian Gonzalez. It's true. It's all true. Everything Mike just said was not cartoonish and fictional. It was factual. You held on to your butt every time Brayden Looper went out there. And it worked one time. It was huge. Against the Yankees. Against the Yankees.

He was in jail. He's still in jail. He lit a man on fire. Allegedly. There was a chainsaw involved. World Series hero. He traded for Adrian Gonzalez. It's true. It's all true. Everything Mike just said was not cartoonish and fictional. It was factual. You held on to your butt every time Brayden Looper went out there. And it worked one time. It was huge. Against the Yankees. Against the Yankees.

I want this Sagaki calling everybody.

I want this Sagaki calling everybody.

Are we sure we want to use this on the local hour? I feel like the nation needs it.

Are we sure we want to use this on the local hour? I feel like the nation needs it.

The Joe Zygacki character is not someone anyone knows. The sing-song broadcaster. In fact, you're laughing at it, Bob. I'm pretty sure you have no idea the character he's doing.

The Joe Zygacki character is not someone anyone knows. The sing-song broadcaster. In fact, you're laughing at it, Bob. I'm pretty sure you have no idea the character he's doing.

I have no idea who he's impersonating, but it feels right. Right. It only works here, though, I think. I could be wrong, but I think it only works here.

I have no idea who he's impersonating, but it feels right. Right. It only works here, though, I think. I could be wrong, but I think it only works here.

We keep putting out the crap in the national hour.

We keep putting out the crap in the national hour.

Shut the hell up. Shut up. Keep your mouth shut. Your son got nailed. Keep your freaking mouth shut. Framegate my... Keep your... Shut up. Stay low. Shut the hell up. Framegate. You mean, are you kidding me? Come on, the guy cheated, folks. Let's be honest.

Shut the hell up. Shut up. Keep your mouth shut. Your son got nailed. Keep your freaking mouth shut. Framegate my... Keep your... Shut up. Stay low. Shut the hell up. Framegate. You mean, are you kidding me? Come on, the guy cheated, folks. Let's be honest.

I got to listen to Tom Brady's old man now, who, you know, has lived in the bubble, you know, and has lived under the scenario where his kid's been a phenomenal player all this time, and now he's trying to make excuses. Now he's trying to disparage the guy who spent 246 pages writing about it. Shut up. Put that guy on.

I got to listen to Tom Brady's old man now, who, you know, has lived in the bubble, you know, and has lived under the scenario where his kid's been a phenomenal player all this time, and now he's trying to make excuses. Now he's trying to disparage the guy who spent 246 pages writing about it. Shut up. Put that guy on.

See if he's got the guts to talk to somebody who's going to ask him a tough question. Go ahead. Better yet, put his son on. Let's see what he has to say. Put your son on. Don't hide USA Today. Come on. Come on talk shows. Hey, come on now. Come on right now. Say that to me. Say that to anybody. Say it to somebody.

See if he's got the guts to talk to somebody who's going to ask him a tough question. Go ahead. Better yet, put his son on. Let's see what he has to say. Put your son on. Don't hide USA Today. Come on. Come on talk shows. Hey, come on now. Come on right now. Say that to me. Say that to anybody. Say it to somebody.

Who wants to sex Mutombo? Who wants to sex Mutombo? You've heard it. You've heard it, haven't you?

Who wants to sex Mutombo? Who wants to sex Mutombo? You've heard it. You've heard it, haven't you?

Is the story true? We need to know if the story is true. You've heard it before. That's a confirmation.

Is the story true? We need to know if the story is true. You've heard it before. That's a confirmation.

How did y'all hear about this, man? Hey, man, I'm just saying.

How did y'all hear about this, man? Hey, man, I'm just saying.

I'm just saying. The first time you hear that, what do you think when you hear the man say, who wants those sex matambos?

I'm just saying. The first time you hear that, what do you think when you hear the man say, who wants those sex matambos?

Whatever. No comment, man. No comment.

Whatever. No comment, man. No comment.

That is so insincere. You can't no comment like that. Truly practical.

That is so insincere. You can't no comment like that. Truly practical.

Yeah, there's some truth to that. There's some truth to that.

Yeah, there's some truth to that. There's some truth to that.

Yeah! A journalism victory! Yeah!

Yeah! A journalism victory! Yeah!

While we're on it, you got any idea who Peaky was talking about?

While we're on it, you got any idea who Peaky was talking about?

That was his pick-up line. And it worked. It worked.

That was his pick-up line. And it worked. It worked.

I freeze books, baby. You're saying bookies run scared from you?

I freeze books, baby. You're saying bookies run scared from you?

That's what you're alleging?

That's what you're alleging?

We didn't even get to last week. I mean, once or twice you've gone bankrupt from gambling because I feel like books have been built on Norm MacDonald's wagers.

We didn't even get to last week. I mean, once or twice you've gone bankrupt from gambling because I feel like books have been built on Norm MacDonald's wagers.

So the crap table grabs you. What grabs you? What is it that grabs you from?

So the crap table grabs you. What grabs you? What is it that grabs you from?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What is the greatest beating, what is the most memorable beating that Norm MacDonald has taken at a craps table?

What is the greatest beating, what is the most memorable beating that Norm MacDonald has taken at a craps table?

You were at a $5 table betting hundreds of thousands of dollars at a $5. You're at the swingers table. Some guy's got an eyepatch on.

You were at a $5 table betting hundreds of thousands of dollars at a $5. You're at the swingers table. Some guy's got an eyepatch on.

Because you couldn't split it. Here come the face cards. Boom.

Because you couldn't split it. Here come the face cards. Boom.

22.

22.

That is an amazing – I mean, it's terrible, but it's an amazing story.

That is an amazing – I mean, it's terrible, but it's an amazing story.

That should have been the name of your book, Norm. No, not Better Luck Next Time. No, it should have been I Had Two 21s. It was 122. Oh, man.

That should have been the name of your book, Norm. No, not Better Luck Next Time. No, it should have been I Had Two 21s. It was 122. Oh, man.

Did you run roughshod?

Did you run roughshod?

27-24. Squib kick. Just fall down on it or whatever. No, they're going to try the lateral. Pass it to the other side of the field. This never works. Caught by Cornelder. Pitches it back to Jaquan Johnson at the Miami 30. Delaying the inevitable. Looking for a block. Pitches it backwards. As many laterals now as B has passed interference penalties on that last drive.

27-24. Squib kick. Just fall down on it or whatever. No, they're going to try the lateral. Pass it to the other side of the field. This never works. Caught by Cornelder. Pitches it back to Jaquan Johnson at the Miami 30. Delaying the inevitable. Looking for a block. Pitches it backwards. As many laterals now as B has passed interference penalties on that last drive.

Walton now pitches it back to Johnson. Guess we're going to keep going with this. Toss it back. Here comes another pitch. Cornelder has it. Throws it back to the Plumbers 9-1-1 goal line. Dallas Crawford looking for a block. Gets one. Definitely not a block in the back. He throws it across to the 30. To Cornelder. Big legal block. He's got it to the 40. Cornelder crossing.

Walton now pitches it back to Johnson. Guess we're going to keep going with this. Toss it back. Here comes another pitch. Cornelder has it. Throws it back to the Plumbers 9-1-1 goal line. Dallas Crawford looking for a block. Gets one. Definitely not a block in the back. He throws it across to the 30. To Cornelder. Big legal block. He's got it to the 40. Cornelder crossing.

El Palacio de los Hugos midfield. Cornelder. speeding now to the 40 speeding ticket fakehoward.com halter now dashing down the dandy bear sideline so what your kid has ringworm dandy bear elder inside the gus richardo red zone corn elder he's at the 10 he's at the 5 lindy eric scotty mike miami sequarium touchdown

El Palacio de los Hugos midfield. Cornelder. speeding now to the 40 speeding ticket fakehoward.com halter now dashing down the dandy bear sideline so what your kid has ringworm dandy bear elder inside the gus richardo red zone corn elder he's at the 10 he's at the 5 lindy eric scotty mike miami sequarium touchdown

There are presently no flags on the field, and certainly no one will have a problem with how this game ended! Oh, wait! We don't speak English, so everyone hates us!

There are presently no flags on the field, and certainly no one will have a problem with how this game ended! Oh, wait! We don't speak English, so everyone hates us!