Schulzy

I like that you're making it consensual sweet love. Can I say that?

Kendrick, we love you, bro. Butt love you. That's true. He loves you. That's love. This is all said with love. No malice.

Maybe that's the only clip that got sent his way. Exactly. And if you only get sent one clip, then you're like, oh, fuck this guy. But, yeah, I just, that was disappointing. As a fan, I was like, ugh.

A little bit.

Anything is better than suing. So call him anything you want. He's a terrorist. He's a terrorist. He's a terrorist. He's a terrorist. He's a terrorist.

You know what I mean?

Also, guys, tour dates. We got a lot more dates we're going to announce soon for 2025. For 2024... The last show is December 4th. We sold out Long Island. You know, shouts to Trump. You did your thing on that one. December 6th and 7th. This is the last weekend for me for 2024. We're going to be in Albany at the Funny Bone Comedy Club. Buy your tickets. AkashSingh.com before they sell out.

Thank y'all. This has been so fucking cool. The ticket sales have like doubled. I am selling out. Knock on wood. I don't know how many weekends in a row. It's been awesome. We've been adding shows. I'm so grateful to you guys. Thank you guys so much. I love y'all. I'll see y'all next week with announcements for 2025. What is going on with this Drake lawsuit?

Yeah, Mark, please break this down, because on the surface, it seems embarrassing.

Embarrassing.

It's a petition. Okay.

Well, whatever.

Well, the 30% discount thing... That is true, though, right? Yeah, the 30% discount thing is true, but apparently that's been done before, and I think it's been done for Drake. Essentially, something... This might not be it, but something like when you become the featured artist on a Spotify page, UMG might say, hey, if you do that, we'll discount the licensing fee or whatever. Mm-hmm.

And then Spotify is incentivized to be like, okay, bet. And Drake was all over Spotify and Apple Music for, I think, Gemini? Guaranteed. Or Scorpio, whatever it's called?

I'm fairly certain they boosted Family Matters and they must have boosted Back to Back. Back to Back slapped. It was a crazy hit. But I'm positive, again, like you said, bots are just everywhere. They're just working every song. Back to Back was the fucking song of the year, whatever year it came out.

I put together their certain people. Yeah, yeah. All that stuff.

I mean, there were comedians who were coming up on those when we used to take. We really care about those like hottest comedians. Yeah, yeah. There were some comedians that they were funny. Sure. But early on, they were on every fucking list. And you were like, what? What the hell is going on?

Their agents or manager, the P-whatever. The manager probably, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then you start to buy in. This guy, this is the hot part.

What? No, no, no, you gotta understand.

I didn't know.

Oh, yeah, dude. We'll get to it with the Biden stuff. You can hear the same line from different media outlets, sorry, about Joe Biden and defending it. This exact line, boom, boom, boom, boom, everywhere.

I tell. Litigation. Okay? You little squabble up in a jail cell. Here's what you got to understand about Kendrick. It's very important to him to protect black women. That's why he's never done a song with an abuser confirmed. He's never done a song with anybody that's suspected of abuse.

Of course. He didn't count on us taking Thanksgiving off. Crazy, spooky, scary, hilarious.

That's what I would say to anybody who says his streams are going to be up because Drake is a pop star. It's like saying Nelly outsold, I don't know, Jay-Z maybe in the year 2000. From 2000 to 2007. That don't make him a better rapper than Jay-Z or nobody's going to put him on a rap list above Jay-Z, but

He's never threatened to remove his music from Spotify because they removed R. Kelly's music, who for sure fucked and held captive underage black women. Hold on, hold on, hold on. This is all very important to Kendrick.

it was pop music that hit drake has pop music that hits so he's always going to be crazy ahead on streams i just think as a rapper he's moving horribly anita max win not a great name for a tour the lawsuit it's like you already got embarrassed and now you're just embarrassing yourself what do you do but what if it goes to a lawsuit and then he's able to win and successfully prove in a court that kendrick's streams were inflated no one cares

Yeah.

Yeah, dog, if you said it about Euphoria, and I love Euphoria, but, like, we'd be like, oh, yeah, Euphoria being the number one song in the world seems a little weird. Yes. But not like us. You hear it outside everywhere, and everybody's rapping every lyric when it comes on.

Yeah. Dot, fuck him up.

it's a tough pill to swallow for i think and has been co-signed by every other goat every other goat also says nah this guy's a fucking truth so it's not even you can't just say oh only casuals like him you can't just say like if i hate on drake but snoop jay-z whoever every one of them is like nah that guy is different i'm a dickhead fucking snoop apologized yeah yeah to kendrick kendrick

It is a comedic device.

He said it must have been the edibles. He said, like, I prayed it was the edibles or something like that. Basically like, why is a West Coast guy big up in someone else using Tupac's voice and whatever? And then Snoop tweeted, GNX album is fire. You're right, Kendrick, it was the edibles or something like that with the laughing, crying,

A reign that we have never seen. Phenomenal. Maybe not all the music, but definitely rap. We've never seen someone on top for a decade plus. 15 years? On top. Even when Push exposed him for whatever. Came back.

Hey, thank you, dog.

she is okay just checking are you sure yeah you're rewarding her for what she did for those what do you think the flaps look like i think she got like a palm tree hanging out of her

Confirmed. Wait a minute. Convicted? yeah i don't know what you call uh chris brown but yeah whatever that is not breezy not breezy i took a picture with chris brown hey bro i'll take a picture with him can i tell you something yes we ain't protecting nobody you're gonna protect your fucking self everybody gets these jokes over here yo you guys been telling me for a year straight indians fuck mud

First of all, there's going to be great games this week. Who we got? The best games is this Thursday. Thursday night games are not always good. Is that on Amazon? Amazon. Amazon Prime. Packers-Lions. The Lions are, I think, 11-1. Best team in the league, according to most people. Packers are a little up and down, but still very good. They're like nine and three, I think.

But it's a divisional game. And I think it's in Detroit, but still, it's going to be a fucking good game. I actually think Green Bay has a chance. I think Detroit has been kind of, they had some huge wins, massive wins, but they had a few in a row, it seems like, where they just kind of squeaked by. Why are they so good this year?

i know they were good last year but like i think the offensive coordinator's name is ben johnson he's a fucking like an amazing like really creative play designs a good offensive coordinator can level up the play of the quarterback jared golf has been fairly good his whole career nothing incredible at all but this year he's like playing out of his mind um so i think that's the main thing and then i think the coach dan campbell made like a culture that is like he's that he's legit

Did you watch the Hard Knocks at all? No. It's a show I don't normally care for. But if you watched the Detroit Lions one from like two years ago when he first got there, it's awesome. You love this guy. You love playing for him. You love rooting for him. And they've just all bought in. In a way that I didn't know if they could recover from San Francisco, but they did.

Yeah. Like when you reach almost the mountaintop. Right. That's a far way to fall. And they had a big lead and they blew it. They just fell apart. Yeah. And I don't know if they'll fall apart this year. The Eagles look really good. The Packers look good. They could lose. I mean, this Saquon Barkley turnaround is unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable, dude. And what is it?

I think he's healthier and it's a good offensive line. Good offensive line makes the biggest difference. But also, he's just healthy this year.

Yeah, he was kind of disrespected by the Giants in free agency, which we all identify with, feeling disrespected, unappreciated by employers, blah, blah, blah. So we're all kind of rooting for him. The other game that's going to be really good, though, is the Chiefs and Chargers. I think the Chargers actually have a shot at this. Because the Chiefs just keep beating, they barely beat everyone.

They're winning every fucking time. It's like defying all probability, but they're winning every game by like three points, two points.

I think so. But the Bills beat them, I think, pretty handily, I think. And the Bills are really good. They're like a truly good team. And I think the Chargers, with Jim Harbaugh as their new coach, and he's a quarterback guy, I think they're a good team. So you're going, what are your picks? I think I go Lions, and I think I go Chargers. Wow.

But I don't know what the spreads are or anything like that. Those are teams I think will win. Okay. But, yeah, I think the Chargers can actually beat the Chiefs. I think. Again. I mean, that's probably the money right there. Yeah. Mahomes seems to pull it out. But, like, those would be my picks. Yeah, he's just so talented. But this is a fun football season, man.

Yeah, yeah. So you need to like really pad that fucking lead against him. Yeah, I guess actually the Bills game did get close now that I think about it. But yeah, that could be it. But the NFL, the talent disparity is not what, because of free agency and all these other things, there's a lot more parity. So it's not like you can just slide by doing that forever. Sorry, go, go, go.

What you going to do?

The talent gap between you and the guys across you from the net is probably pretty big. Yeah, big. This is not the NFL. I mean, he's the best, but like, you know. Can you tell me the Derrick Henry story that I keep hearing about? Derrick Henry. There's like a resurgence. Oh, dude. So he, the idea is that running backs, you don't pay him after 30.

Derrick Henry is one of the best running backs ever, maybe. And he enters free agency. He says kind of openly, I want to play for Dallas. Dallas is like, nope, we want to save our money. We're cheap. We're like the fucking Clippers from back in the day. We just don't spend on free agents. They don't sign him. Baltimore picks him up and he's having a crazy year. But he's like insanely dedicated.

Like one of these Tom Brady type guys. That's what I.

i've heard no fried food no refined sugar intermittent fasting won't eat until after his workout but like if he does eat it'll be like a banana or half an avocado suffering uh but then also the play that went viral in thanksgiving is he got like to handle handily tackled by some little white cornerback oh dijon yeah yeah yeah yeah cooper dijon is his name

I mean, the tackle was beautiful.

Fucking beautiful.

Yeah, yeah. Like, kind of just not wanted by their old teams, and nobody was really going crazy and crazy.

Back handspring.

And team wise, underdog wise, Buffalo looks like at the moment, the best team in the league. Right. Historically, never won anything. Yeah.

super loyal fans the best bills mafia you almost want them to get one like and then the other one is detroit yeah detroit like we all feel bad for detroit as a city yeah and then all of a sudden the best team in the league this is the best record they've ever had through 12 games yeah so like those two storylines alone in each conference is enough to make this exciting yeah the charges are good again jim harbaugh's kind of taking this quarterback that we thought might not be good and turning or might be falling apart and turning him around it's like there's so many storylines going right now it's so fun

Hey, at least we go down, Jamaicans.

Yeah, it's going to be interesting.

It's also just habit. The first thing most people go to is Netflix.

Whoa! Whoa!

double triple yeah skyrocket yeah yeah what does that do for the brand how much will netflix pay for the rights because networks would pay everything because sports is one of the few things you have to watch live there's like a few tv shows maybe every year maybe maybe one honestly a year but sports if i'm watching if i'm waiting it might get ruined for me oh fuck so i'll watch it live i'll talk to my friends and so networks will pay for it because advertisers are like people aren't going to fast forward through these commercials

They'll sit to watch it live. But if Netflix throws crazy bags, it's done.

High expectations kills it.

She's a great actress. I heard the one with Mahershala Ali was good. Oh, that was pretty good, too. Yeah. Yeah, that was pretty good, too.

I mean, with McConaughey and... Mesmerizing. I had never seen a performance like that. The Harrelson's. Woody Harrelson's. Harrelson's a beast, dude. I love Harrelson.

There's a catch for sure. Yeah, he would not pardon my brother. You will pardon me, but then he just will make sure I had like a really shitty life after or something like that. You wouldn't accept a pardon.

I'm going to be honest. These kids look Asian. Well, I mean... I mean, they... I mean, it's the other Asians. I agree with you. I'm with you on that.

No, what did Hunter even do?

I think he said he'd never been convicted of a crime or something like that.

And you said Democrats, y'all got to eat this one. You said for months we are not. Joe Biden will not pardon Hunter.

I don't like that, dude. Watching legacy media, like I was saying, the line, everybody has one line, which is, well, now that we have a convicted felon in office, all rules are off. It's like, don't make it they're worse than us still. Just be like, hey, who gives a fuck? What y'all expect? You wouldn't pardon your son? You wouldn't lie about it? Of course.

You want me to try to lose the election?

That's crazy. Anybody who says they wouldn't is lying.

Same thing Trump did. Actually, that is exactly when they asked him about the taxes. He was like, yeah, I found loopholes around paying taxes. That's what you're supposed to do. If Joe was like, hey, I'm going to pardon my son, and if Trump says he wouldn't, he's a fucking liar. You might be like, I like that. I like that. I respect that.

Yeah, Biden. This is a witch hunt. They're only doing this because of what his last name is. Get the fuck out of here.

Those guys, those Tuskegee victims are the reason millions of black people didn't get the COVID vaccine. So they protected you. But some of them, yeah.

Mark is good, dude.

The first person of the Wright Brothers plan was just a black guy with a big fucking big gun.

Like real, real ones?

Yeah, it was about you. You were trending on my Twitter. No way. Yeah, I didn't want to tell you because you had things to focus on. What a time to be alive where- I was not one of the Asians who said, good luck on your special.

Can we edit that out? Nah, she wasn't World War II, dude.

That guy fucked your grandma? No! No!

And she murders it. Killed it. Okay. Murders it. And the both of them together are like, bro, I couldn't believe it.

It is too long.

I said, God damn. It is too long. It's 20 minutes too long. God damn. Ariana, so she's like, I've seen little clips. She's like dreamed of this role. She dreamed of the other role actually. Oh, she dreamed of being in this play.

But like, she was so excited to be a part of it. I guess she probably, I think she's like a theater kid at the end of the day. They all, yeah, like starting on Broadway. So she was like, this is the dream play to be in. Like she would get emotional talking about it before the Wicked movie was even announced. Like the idea of playing her. Yeah.

And she... You root for people to do well in those roles, but a lot of times they kind of just do it. She fucking knocks it out of the park, dude.

John Choo.

He's a tech window professor.

You got to start somewhere, man.

I think also, though, we didn't understand how big this play was when it came out.

I watched it like a year ago. I went in with super low expectations. Wait, you watched it live? I watched the Broadway play. It was like a date night. Yeah, yeah. And let me tell you something.

The play is fantastic. You've seen the play, too?

That shit is incredible. I don't give a fuck. I wasn't thinking it's going to be whack. I'm doing this for my wife. And I was like, this is the best.

It's a musical. I saw Hamilton. I saw Book of Mormon. I saw Wicked. I had the lowest expectations for Wicked, but I thought it was the best one of the three. Those are the three plays I've seen. Do you guys want to say what the storyline is? It's kind of like they created a prequel to The Wizard of Oz, and it's about how the witch becomes the Wicked Witch or whatever.

Apparently there was a lot of like fan fiction written about this, but then someone wrote a book.

No, no, no. We could do a prequel. Another Wizard of Oz. Yeah. But another prequel. But instead of Wicked, it's just a little different. It's about Mars Grandma. It's called Dickens. She was just misunderstood.

Yeah. I saw Wicked twice. What? My wife wanted to go a second time. My nephew wanted to go. That's crazy. Wow. Now that's gay as fuck. Six hours of Wicked. It was so fire. It was so fire. I got you. Six hours of Wicked. I didn't want to go. Second time was still, I was like, it's still good.

Yeah.

Okay. What'd you guys think of the album though? I mean, I like it. Here's what I'll say about Kendrick. Everybody knows I'm a fan.

I get it. I do get it. But at the same time, like... And I've always been a fan, but I also said this even in the Drake thing when he said the shit about your next show at the Bay. Whatever he said, basically kind of like Call of the Violence. Yeah. Remember when Rick Ross got beat up? I was like, yo, Kendrick, you got to fall back on that Call of the Violence shit. He's like Trump on January 6th.

Yeah, that's fire. I'm sorry I couldn't be there. Stop, stop. You keep apologizing, bro. Come on. Dude, I asked my mom, who loves you, by the way. She reached out, by the way, and she said congratulations. She loves you like a son. I told her I love her. I said, I can leave a day early. Andrew's taping a special. And then she goes, stay an extra day. I don't spend enough time with you.

And I was like, all right, well, fuck. I'm here. Come on.

i'm here but i it was i saw it at msg it was and you know i'm a huge anybody everybody knows i'm a huge fan of you it was your best work by a mile and that is like it was it was awesome it was so fucking awesome and i heard it's gotten even better and i'm so excited to see it and obviously the team you guys all fucking kill it i'm so excited to see it i'm excited for people do you know when people can see it or do you or do you even want to float that don't

Yeah, don't announce nothing. It's the fucking worst thing you can do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanksgiving, tell me. Oh, best Thanksgiving I've had in decades. My wife and I went home, and it was going to be a little uncomfortable because, you know, I haven't really talked to my dad in like nine months. Wow. Yeah, I talked to my mom about that. My wife is like, just the whole vibe is different. You've been so happy recently.

you've been sleeping better i mean dude hilarious i mean you never sold more tickets it's really unbelievable so i tell my mom i voice these concerns and my mom my mom goes to my dad apparently and goes all right here's the options you either apologize to your sons for everything you've done or you're not here for thanksgiving oh shit your mom is yeah respect my dad bought a ticket to india

no it wasn't there it was all right it was awesome i had such a we had such a happy time dude my mom moved into a new house i'm blessed enough thank you god to be able to take care of the mortgage on it she took care of a big down payment but like but she's like built this house with us in mind she's like i want you guys to come here whenever so she got to do thanksgiving at her at the

Yo. You know what I mean?

new house well we go somewhere else for thanksgiving every year but like we were there and her house that she you know we lost she lost her house like 20 years ago whatever so this is like she's a home finally and the upstairs is just about like this is for my kids and whatever if you guys come visit we stayed downstairs the whole time we're having so much fun my mom can't really walk upstairs we didn't leave we're like this is the best vibe in the world this is awesome did you guys stay with her or yeah we stayed with her yeah how was everything with your mom and uh and jessaline

Oh, they're great, dude. They're great. Everybody's getting along well. My mom was so thankful. She even like, she said some crazy shit to my wife before she apologized to him and was like, I like a sincere, I understand what I did. And that was like, I was out of line. I'm never going to do that thing again. It was like a really, it was the best Thanksgiving I've ever had in my life, dude.

It was awesome. Real addition by subtraction kind of thing. You know what I mean? Sounds phenomenal. It was awesome. I was so sad to leave. And my mom is still fucking crying about it. I got to go home where I got to spend like weeks there or something. But yeah. How can you do that? How can you build that in? Yeah. I think if we have a week where we're not doing the pod, just fly home.

And then we, if I got work to do, whatever, I just do it remotely. Like any standup work, I'll fly out to the show from there or whatever. But yeah, we just got to figure this out. And my wife is more on board now. She's like, yeah, it's better. Just, you know, if we just get them a hotel or something, we're good. You know? It was a night and day difference I can't even explain.

No. None of us were surprised. I just laughed when I pulled back and I was like, that's so funny. Because he's gone for like a month and I was like, wow, that's a long time to go.

And normally I pay for the ticket. This time I'm not paying for a fucking ticket. But he was like, I got it. You're paying for it.

True. True. Their money's coming back. All right. So it was good time. It was awesome, dude. It was the best. I was so happy. Like truly the best week home in a long time. Yeah.

Are you talking about your son or are you talking about Miles? Both, actually. Miles came over.

Great. How was your first Thanksgiving with Shiloh? Because it's also the day before you film your special. Yeah.

Yeah.

And when you see other parents that don't do it for their kids or whatever, you see your friends and you're like, oh, that's different. I didn't know that existed.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Especially for dads. For moms, I think you know. Like, everybody talks about moms all the time. For dads, it's almost like your job is supposed to be thankless. Yeah. You're not supposed to get any credit. That's the sacrifice you make.

Maybe I'll let him choose a position.

Why are you doing this?

I've done that.

Wait, you did it?

Salad with my Muslim friends.

Yeah, how about that?

No emotions for 24 hours.

Like was he out there riding? She's Indian, apparently.

That's true. What I hope is he's just a person who fucked up. Like, this was a line, it was a throwaway line, you should have thrown it away. Yeah. Just say you weren't talking about me.

Well, it's hard to rhyme.

Indianapolis Colts. Woo!