Samaiya Mushtaq

There wasn't anything wrong with him. Sure, he's not emotionally complicated, but maybe emotionally being simple is a good thing.

There wasn't anything wrong with him. Sure, he's not emotionally complicated, but maybe emotionally being simple is a good thing.

I didn't really hear about marriage as this really joyful or emotionally connected type of union. It seemed like much more. You marry somebody that you have a lot of shared characteristics with, you have children with them, and you raise those children.

I didn't really hear about marriage as this really joyful or emotionally connected type of union. It seemed like much more. You marry somebody that you have a lot of shared characteristics with, you have children with them, and you raise those children.

Those moments where I was really vulnerable talking about something and the reaction wasn't like an emotional hug. It was just, it was, those were so painful.

Those moments where I was really vulnerable talking about something and the reaction wasn't like an emotional hug. It was just, it was, those were so painful.

He was watching TV or something, and I just went into our room, and I sat down, had my back against the door, and I just cried. And that's when I think I really understood this is not something that's sustainable. I liken it to death by a thousand paper cuts.

He was watching TV or something, and I just went into our room, and I sat down, had my back against the door, and I just cried. And that's when I think I really understood this is not something that's sustainable. I liken it to death by a thousand paper cuts.

I had separated, stayed with my parents, tried to go to couples therapy, went back, separated again. And then that second time, I was like, you know, I just have to make a decision, go through that tunnel of anxiety and fear and shame and get to the other side.

I had separated, stayed with my parents, tried to go to couples therapy, went back, separated again. And then that second time, I was like, you know, I just have to make a decision, go through that tunnel of anxiety and fear and shame and get to the other side.

Thank you, Anna. I'm excited to be here.

Thank you, Anna. I'm excited to be here.

I think at that time, it was definitely made harder that I just didn't know anyone who'd gone through that. And it just seemed like such a U-turn and failure. And I don't mess things up so colossally. So to be able to acknowledge that, not just to myself, but then to have this be announced to anybody I've ever met and have them know, it just felt so embarrassing and shameful.

I think at that time, it was definitely made harder that I just didn't know anyone who'd gone through that. And it just seemed like such a U-turn and failure. And I don't mess things up so colossally. So to be able to acknowledge that, not just to myself, but then to have this be announced to anybody I've ever met and have them know, it just felt so embarrassing and shameful.

So we're all in my parents' living room. It was middle of August or something, I think, in 2016. Their formal living room, which is also, I think, interesting. And my husband was there, my parents, his parents. And my understanding going into it was that this is where my husband and I were going to share this decision that was, if not necessarily mutual, but we both had aligned on.

So we're all in my parents' living room. It was middle of August or something, I think, in 2016. Their formal living room, which is also, I think, interesting. And my husband was there, my parents, his parents. And my understanding going into it was that this is where my husband and I were going to share this decision that was, if not necessarily mutual, but we both had aligned on.

But then it was more the parents in particular really trying to talk me out of it. So lots of questions from his parents, my parents. I remember my mom specifically saying, he doesn't hurt you. He's not a bad person. And his mother saying something about how, you know, he took me traveling to so many countries.

But then it was more the parents in particular really trying to talk me out of it. So lots of questions from his parents, my parents. I remember my mom specifically saying, he doesn't hurt you. He's not a bad person. And his mother saying something about how, you know, he took me traveling to so many countries.

It was like a case being made by everyone about why what I am deciding is wrong and how he's right and I need to course correct. And I think that's probably the peak of loneliness for I felt so solitary and so alone in that decision. And it was like, is my judgment off? Like, have I just been interpreting the last three years wrong?

It was like a case being made by everyone about why what I am deciding is wrong and how he's right and I need to course correct. And I think that's probably the peak of loneliness for I felt so solitary and so alone in that decision. And it was like, is my judgment off? Like, have I just been interpreting the last three years wrong?