Rusty Irani
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
It has been cool to know you for the last 30 years.
It has been cool to know you for the last 30 years.
And if I can make a few Americans cripple and bring them along on wheelchairs, that would help with my other startup as well. I'm starting a startup called Includetrip.com. It's like a travel startup for people with disabilities to come and visit India. That's interesting. That's a very cool idea.
And if I can make a few Americans cripple and bring them along on wheelchairs, that would help with my other startup as well. I'm starting a startup called Includetrip.com. It's like a travel startup for people with disabilities to come and visit India. That's interesting. That's a very cool idea.
Oh, and by the way, I'm not a great wingman.
Oh, and by the way, I'm not a great wingman.
I'll take your word for it when you're around here.
I'll take your word for it when you're around here.
Yeah, such a pleasure to talk to you. You made my day, my year, my decade since 1993 when I was channel surfing for porn and came across you for the first time.
Yeah, such a pleasure to talk to you. You made my day, my year, my decade since 1993 when I was channel surfing for porn and came across you for the first time.
No, no, no, no. It wasn't like that. The first guy I saw was the late great Joel Goddard with like a young Korean guy by his side. Oh, my God.
No, no, no, no. It wasn't like that. The first guy I saw was the late great Joel Goddard with like a young Korean guy by his side. Oh, my God.
The first godfather. By Preparation Edge, Raymond. Oh, my God.
The first godfather. By Preparation Edge, Raymond. Oh, my God.
Well, I'm from Mumbai, India. I am born and brought up in India. The accent is a result of me having traveled to the U.S. since I was 13 to find a cure for the disease that I suffer from. So I'm on a wheelchair. I've been on a wheelchair all my life. I suffer from this progressive neurological condition called psoriasis. Spinal muscular atrophy. It's SMA for short.
Well, I'm from Mumbai, India. I am born and brought up in India. The accent is a result of me having traveled to the U.S. since I was 13 to find a cure for the disease that I suffer from. So I'm on a wheelchair. I've been on a wheelchair all my life. I suffer from this progressive neurological condition called psoriasis. Spinal muscular atrophy. It's SMA for short.
Plages all mine, Conan. Plages all mine.
Plages all mine, Conan. Plages all mine.
Well, I hope we... And you guys are awesome too. Sona, Matt, Aaron, all you guys. Like, you know, like you made it worth like pushing through the pandemic. Oh, thank you. You made it worth my while. And like, you know... Yeah. I mean, I just put in this, like, you know, everybody like asked me even during the pre-checks, like, you know, how many times did you apply? I said, I just did it the once.
Well, I hope we... And you guys are awesome too. Sona, Matt, Aaron, all you guys. Like, you know, like you made it worth like pushing through the pandemic. Oh, thank you. You made it worth my while. And like, you know... Yeah. I mean, I just put in this, like, you know, everybody like asked me even during the pre-checks, like, you know, how many times did you apply? I said, I just did it the once.
And if it was meant to be, it was meant to be. Wow. Yeah.
And if it was meant to be, it was meant to be. Wow. Yeah.
It was meant to be.
It was meant to be.
Long days, pleasant night, folks. It was wonderful talking to all of you. Take care. Have a lovely, lovely, lovely day. All right, guys. Take care. Bye-bye.
Long days, pleasant night, folks. It was wonderful talking to all of you. Take care. Have a lovely, lovely, lovely day. All right, guys. Take care. Bye-bye.
It's got the world's most expensive drug right now, which I won't ever have access to because I don't fall under the compassionate user program. So it's a progressive disorder where my body doesn't make this protein that helps my nerves to create more nerve cells to help my muscles grow. So hence the atrophy bit. And yeah, I was a kid.
It's got the world's most expensive drug right now, which I won't ever have access to because I don't fall under the compassionate user program. So it's a progressive disorder where my body doesn't make this protein that helps my nerves to create more nerve cells to help my muscles grow. So hence the atrophy bit. And yeah, I was a kid.
It's a progressive neurological disorder.
It's a progressive neurological disorder.
So I could walk as a child. And then I met with a bike accident at the age of nine. Go figure. So yeah, met with a bike accident. And I've been on a wheelchair for the last 35 years. And I've driven different wheelchairs since then. And I went to school here in Mumbai. And then I went and studied English from a college here in Mumbai. I majored in English, got my first degree in English.
So I could walk as a child. And then I met with a bike accident at the age of nine. Go figure. So yeah, met with a bike accident. And I've been on a wheelchair for the last 35 years. And I've driven different wheelchairs since then. And I went to school here in Mumbai. And then I went and studied English from a college here in Mumbai. I majored in English, got my first degree in English.
And then I had this bug up my ass because I loved films. And during the whole period of my convalescence as a kid, my mom opened the whole world of cinema and books. And because I could not speak as legibly and as articulately right now as I'm speaking with you guys here.
And then I had this bug up my ass because I loved films. And during the whole period of my convalescence as a kid, my mom opened the whole world of cinema and books. And because I could not speak as legibly and as articulately right now as I'm speaking with you guys here.
I used to only speak with the head nod and like speaking like this guy, like all every typical Indian, how we usually tend to talk. And so my mom opened, like, the whole world of books to me and, like, cinema. And cinema, that is not meant for, like, a nine-year-old. Like, you know, I was exposed to, like, all the Arnold Schwarzenegger stuff and all the Sylvester Stallone stuff.
I used to only speak with the head nod and like speaking like this guy, like all every typical Indian, how we usually tend to talk. And so my mom opened, like, the whole world of books to me and, like, cinema. And cinema, that is not meant for, like, a nine-year-old. Like, you know, I was exposed to, like, all the Arnold Schwarzenegger stuff and all the Sylvester Stallone stuff.
I'll be honest with you, Rusty. You know what? I'm very impressed, though, because... And I thought, like, all Americans spoke like Arnie. Yeah, exactly.
I'll be honest with you, Rusty. You know what? I'm very impressed, though, because... And I thought, like, all Americans spoke like Arnie. Yeah, exactly.
And Sylvester Stallone. Yeah, yeah.
And Sylvester Stallone. Yeah, yeah.
I'm not one of those disabled guys who shows up on reality television with an inspiration porn story. I don't even have those kind of stories. All my life, it's all about these wackadoo incidents that have been happening with me. It's like one crazy adventure after another.
I'm not one of those disabled guys who shows up on reality television with an inspiration porn story. I don't even have those kind of stories. All my life, it's all about these wackadoo incidents that have been happening with me. It's like one crazy adventure after another.
I can't see myself sitting at home and moping about this shit, but I'd rather joke about it and crack a smile and go on with life because... It's hilarious to me. Like, you know, I don't know how some disabled folk can, like, you know, just make some kind of inspiration porn story out of their life. And yeah, self-entitled pricks, but like, you know, me, I'm like different.
I can't see myself sitting at home and moping about this shit, but I'd rather joke about it and crack a smile and go on with life because... It's hilarious to me. Like, you know, I don't know how some disabled folk can, like, you know, just make some kind of inspiration porn story out of their life. And yeah, self-entitled pricks, but like, you know, me, I'm like different.
So I like, you know, like just putting myself out there. Yeah, yeah, you can laugh. Like, you know, I'm allowed to make these jokes. So, yeah.
So I like, you know, like just putting myself out there. Yeah, yeah, you can laugh. Like, you know, I'm allowed to make these jokes. So, yeah.
Well, first of all, they all think like I'm some kind of a... Like you've been to Thailand, right? I mean, I saw the episode. So you remember all those tuk-tuks in Thailand, the small little rickshaw scooters? Bombay is full of those. So every rickshaw guy thinks I'm like some new competition in Thailand. So the moment I step out of my home, either... And I'm a big guy.
Well, first of all, they all think like I'm some kind of a... Like you've been to Thailand, right? I mean, I saw the episode. So you remember all those tuk-tuks in Thailand, the small little rickshaw scooters? Bombay is full of those. So every rickshaw guy thinks I'm like some new competition in Thailand. So the moment I step out of my home, either... And I'm a big guy.
I'm like almost like, you know, 56 inches across and I'm like six foot two. So I'm on this chair and everybody thinks I'm just out for a ride. The... The seriously creepy part about my disease is I don't look disabled.
I'm like almost like, you know, 56 inches across and I'm like six foot two. So I'm on this chair and everybody thinks I'm just out for a ride. The... The seriously creepy part about my disease is I don't look disabled.
Like, you know, when I speak like this and when I'm like sitting with you guys here, you would not even realize like, you know, I'm like, I can hardly function in terms of like my motor skills and my ability to like, you know, even transfer myself. But when I'm out there, like from the local, Transportation buses to guys on the cows and the dogs. Everybody chases me.
Like, you know, when I speak like this and when I'm like sitting with you guys here, you would not even realize like, you know, I'm like, I can hardly function in terms of like my motor skills and my ability to like, you know, even transfer myself. But when I'm out there, like from the local, Transportation buses to guys on the cows and the dogs. Everybody chases me.
Someone's trying to run me off the road. It's mayhem. And Mumbai roads and Mumbai infrastructure is not even meant for regular pedestrians. Let me tell you that.
Someone's trying to run me off the road. It's mayhem. And Mumbai roads and Mumbai infrastructure is not even meant for regular pedestrians. Let me tell you that.
I'm sure you guys also know about this, because if you've seen the documentary from Crip Camp, like, you know, the kind of struggle the disabled guys in the U.S. had to go through to get the kind of facilities that you got. Exactly. It was like such a, like they actually went and like, you know, took over the town hall in San Francisco.
I'm sure you guys also know about this, because if you've seen the documentary from Crip Camp, like, you know, the kind of struggle the disabled guys in the U.S. had to go through to get the kind of facilities that you got. Exactly. It was like such a, like they actually went and like, you know, took over the town hall in San Francisco.
You know, I wish I could do that, but nobody here would like even come to support me. First of all, I would not even be able to make it to the town hall here. So like, you know, that would be like a challenge. Right, right.
You know, I wish I could do that, but nobody here would like even come to support me. First of all, I would not even be able to make it to the town hall here. So like, you know, that would be like a challenge. Right, right.
The first thing I do is put you on a wheelchair, like, you know, without causing you any bodily harm. Like, you know, we just, I mean, this big guy on a wheelchair and this other tall freak on the wheelchair. Hey, hey, easy there, buddy.
The first thing I do is put you on a wheelchair, like, you know, without causing you any bodily harm. Like, you know, we just, I mean, this big guy on a wheelchair and this other tall freak on the wheelchair. Hey, hey, easy there, buddy.
I mean... Have you seen the attitude of the Indians towards like any person with like pale skin? Like, you know, you would be like the star attraction here. Like, you know, like I could pay, I could get money from people to just have you on the streets, like going over ramps like Evel Knievel. Hey, this isn't a circus.
I mean... Have you seen the attitude of the Indians towards like any person with like pale skin? Like, you know, you would be like the star attraction here. Like, you know, like I could pay, I could get money from people to just have you on the streets, like going over ramps like Evel Knievel. Hey, this isn't a circus.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Every time I try to get into my vehicle, I have like an audience of 15 to 20 people. Like, you know, if I had charged them, I could have earned enough to like, you know, pay for some medicine for my disease. Like, you know, that's the first thing I would do.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Every time I try to get into my vehicle, I have like an audience of 15 to 20 people. Like, you know, if I had charged them, I could have earned enough to like, you know, pay for some medicine for my disease. Like, you know, that's the first thing I would do.
And the other thing I wanted to do is like, you know, I want to get all this pent up energy and all this pop culture, like crap that's full of my like experiences. I want to start my own YouTube channel. Like, Oh, okay. I've already trademarked a name called Wheelie Vision. Wheelie Vision? I don't think... Wheelie Vision, yeah.
And the other thing I wanted to do is like, you know, I want to get all this pent up energy and all this pop culture, like crap that's full of my like experiences. I want to start my own YouTube channel. Like, Oh, okay. I've already trademarked a name called Wheelie Vision. Wheelie Vision? I don't think... Wheelie Vision, yeah.
It's a channel by the disabled, for the disabled, and it's got nothing to do with, like, side stories. It's all about one day dedicated to, like, you know, doing actual wheelchair reviews like you would do, like, a car review. A day dedicated to doing... It's cool. A day dedicated to doing, like, a talk show.
It's a channel by the disabled, for the disabled, and it's got nothing to do with, like, side stories. It's all about one day dedicated to, like, you know, doing actual wheelchair reviews like you would do, like, a car review. A day dedicated to doing... It's cool. A day dedicated to doing, like, a talk show.
Oh, I mean, from everything from like a key and peel kind of like a skit comedy show with no holes barred, like, you know, like like two blind guys having sex using dotted condoms where like the condoms are in Braille. So you get to learn new things as you're having sex. OK, I'm writing these ideas down.
Oh, I mean, from everything from like a key and peel kind of like a skit comedy show with no holes barred, like, you know, like like two blind guys having sex using dotted condoms where like the condoms are in Braille. So you get to learn new things as you're having sex. OK, I'm writing these ideas down.
Yep, and then, like, you know, somebody with, like, a sign language interpreter going with a deaf guy for a singing competition, and the interpreter does the singing, but the guy who's actually deaf and mute gets to win the prize because, you know, well, they're, like... So you're just sitting around thinking of this stuff.
Yep, and then, like, you know, somebody with, like, a sign language interpreter going with a deaf guy for a singing competition, and the interpreter does the singing, but the guy who's actually deaf and mute gets to win the prize because, you know, well, they're, like... So you're just sitting around thinking of this stuff.
Yeah, I think about... I wake up at night thinking, what if it's the next zombie apocalypse and I'm on a wheelchair and I turn into a zombie? I wouldn't be able to operate my wheelchair, like, you know? I mean, I think about these things. I think about going to a bar and like, you know, going way over the limit and I don't have a designated driver for my wheelchair.
Yeah, I think about... I wake up at night thinking, what if it's the next zombie apocalypse and I'm on a wheelchair and I turn into a zombie? I wouldn't be able to operate my wheelchair, like, you know? I mean, I think about these things. I think about going to a bar and like, you know, going way over the limit and I don't have a designated driver for my wheelchair.
Like, you know, how does that work? Like, you know. So you're suggesting. And to be honest, like, you know, I go to like a pharmacy in the U.S. Here it's all over the counter prescription. I go to a pharmacy in the U.S. The first thing they hand me is like a pill. like a bottle full of pills and it says, don't operate heavy machinery. I'm always operating heavy machinery.
Like, you know, how does that work? Like, you know. So you're suggesting. And to be honest, like, you know, I go to like a pharmacy in the U.S. Here it's all over the counter prescription. I go to a pharmacy in the U.S. The first thing they hand me is like a pill. like a bottle full of pills and it says, don't operate heavy machinery. I'm always operating heavy machinery.
Like, you know, what are you supposed to do? You know, it's shit like that. Like, you know, it's funny. It's, it's, I want people to laugh at the disabled and not in a bad way. You know, it's, it's, I think you want them to laugh.
Like, you know, what are you supposed to do? You know, it's shit like that. Like, you know, it's funny. It's, it's, I want people to laugh at the disabled and not in a bad way. You know, it's, it's, I think you want them to laugh.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up on video games. Like I said, if you are on a wheelchair, there's not a lot of outdoorsy stuff that you can do, though I gave it a shot. But yeah, video games were introduced to me at a very young age from the old Atari system, playing Pong with that big joystick thingy. You know, then moving on to like knockoffs, we didn't get like American game consoles.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up on video games. Like I said, if you are on a wheelchair, there's not a lot of outdoorsy stuff that you can do, though I gave it a shot. But yeah, video games were introduced to me at a very young age from the old Atari system, playing Pong with that big joystick thingy. You know, then moving on to like knockoffs, we didn't get like American game consoles.
They still proliferate the markets here in Mumbai. Like you get ripoffs of every known console ever. But they've got these funny Chinese names, like the Nintendo NES used to be called the Samurai system, like, you know, for some reason.
They still proliferate the markets here in Mumbai. Like you get ripoffs of every known console ever. But they've got these funny Chinese names, like the Nintendo NES used to be called the Samurai system, like, you know, for some reason.
There is one being developed right now in India where they've taken all the old versions of GTA, Grand Theft Auto, and they've taken all the tanned players from the non-NPC characters, the non-playing characters who are all having tans, and they put them into the Indian version of the game. So every tanned NPC player... I made it into the Indian version of GTA.
There is one being developed right now in India where they've taken all the old versions of GTA, Grand Theft Auto, and they've taken all the tanned players from the non-NPC characters, the non-playing characters who are all having tans, and they put them into the Indian version of the game. So every tanned NPC player... I made it into the Indian version of GTA.
That was insane looking. To give them due credit, it's still in the prototype stage. It's still a pilot project.
That was insane looking. To give them due credit, it's still in the prototype stage. It's still a pilot project.
From one cartoon character come to life to another, I would expect.
From one cartoon character come to life to another, I would expect.
They haven't progressed beyond rickshaws yet. But it's still called Grand Theft Auto. No, no, no. It's got some Indian name. It's a working title. They still haven't figured out what to call it yet.
They haven't progressed beyond rickshaws yet. But it's still called Grand Theft Auto. No, no, no. It's got some Indian name. It's a working title. They still haven't figured out what to call it yet.
They are my caregivers, my best friends. Nice. I'm on a first-name basis with them in that sense. They know everything about me, and I know everything about them.
They are my caregivers, my best friends. Nice. I'm on a first-name basis with them in that sense. They know everything about me, and I know everything about them.
Yeah. They don't throw potatoes at me. Okay, all right.
Yeah. They don't throw potatoes at me. Okay, all right.
Yep. No, but my dad, he's never given up. He's 72, and he always thinks there's a cure right around the corner. And my dad is also my biggest wingman slash cock blocker.
Yep. No, but my dad, he's never given up. He's 72, and he always thinks there's a cure right around the corner. And my dad is also my biggest wingman slash cock blocker.
i will tell you how mr conan my father thinks that every woman i meet is an ideal mate for me like you know like he couldn't do better than this like you know this is the one for him and so the moment i strike a conversation again i'll give you a movie reference you've seen the seventh seal with the god of death playing chess with that knight right the german surrealist from matt you know about this right yeah the
i will tell you how mr conan my father thinks that every woman i meet is an ideal mate for me like you know like he couldn't do better than this like you know this is the one for him and so the moment i strike a conversation again i'll give you a movie reference you've seen the seventh seal with the god of death playing chess with that knight right the german surrealist from matt you know about this right yeah the
My dad suddenly randomly pops out of nowhere while I'm having a conversation. I'm like using my best lines on a woman at a bar, like asking her to turn me on and play with my joystick. Oh yeah, that's a great line, Rusty.
My dad suddenly randomly pops out of nowhere while I'm having a conversation. I'm like using my best lines on a woman at a bar, like asking her to turn me on and play with my joystick. Oh yeah, that's a great line, Rusty.
And it's only 1.30 a.m. at night, you know.
And it's only 1.30 a.m. at night, you know.
Yeah. I mean, can you think of a better line for somebody on a wheelchair who's already like had like a few too many and like meets a very attractive woman who like has shown some promise towards it?
Yeah. I mean, can you think of a better line for somebody on a wheelchair who's already like had like a few too many and like meets a very attractive woman who like has shown some promise towards it?
And my dad comes up and then he rattles off like all the assets I own and that how I could live independently and I make a pretty decent living and then I would make a great husband and I would, I'm absolutely capable of getting erections and like, you know, giving her as many kids as she wants.
And my dad comes up and then he rattles off like all the assets I own and that how I could live independently and I make a pretty decent living and then I would make a great husband and I would, I'm absolutely capable of getting erections and like, you know, giving her as many kids as she wants.
Sorry about that, Rusty. I'm not even caffeinated yet. I'm not even caffeinated, so can you believe that?
Sorry about that, Rusty. I'm not even caffeinated yet. I'm not even caffeinated, so can you believe that?
Were you playing with your joystick when that happened?
Were you playing with your joystick when that happened?
It has been cool to know you for the last 30 years.
And if I can make a few Americans cripple and bring them along on wheelchairs, that would help with my other startup as well. I'm starting a startup called Includetrip.com. It's like a travel startup for people with disabilities to come and visit India. That's interesting. That's a very cool idea.
Oh, and by the way, I'm not a great wingman.
I'll take your word for it when you're around here.
Yeah, such a pleasure to talk to you. You made my day, my year, my decade since 1993 when I was channel surfing for porn and came across you for the first time.
No, no, no, no. It wasn't like that. The first guy I saw was the late great Joel Goddard with like a young Korean guy by his side. Oh, my God.
The first godfather. By Preparation Edge, Raymond. Oh, my God.
Well, I'm from Mumbai, India. I am born and brought up in India. The accent is a result of me having traveled to the U.S. since I was 13 to find a cure for the disease that I suffer from. So I'm on a wheelchair. I've been on a wheelchair all my life. I suffer from this progressive neurological condition called psoriasis. Spinal muscular atrophy. It's SMA for short.
Plages all mine, Conan. Plages all mine.
Well, I hope we... And you guys are awesome too. Sona, Matt, Aaron, all you guys. Like, you know, like you made it worth like pushing through the pandemic. Oh, thank you. You made it worth my while. And like, you know... Yeah. I mean, I just put in this, like, you know, everybody like asked me even during the pre-checks, like, you know, how many times did you apply? I said, I just did it the once.
And if it was meant to be, it was meant to be. Wow. Yeah.
It was meant to be.
Long days, pleasant night, folks. It was wonderful talking to all of you. Take care. Have a lovely, lovely, lovely day. All right, guys. Take care. Bye-bye.
It's got the world's most expensive drug right now, which I won't ever have access to because I don't fall under the compassionate user program. So it's a progressive disorder where my body doesn't make this protein that helps my nerves to create more nerve cells to help my muscles grow. So hence the atrophy bit. And yeah, I was a kid.
It's a progressive neurological disorder.
So I could walk as a child. And then I met with a bike accident at the age of nine. Go figure. So yeah, met with a bike accident. And I've been on a wheelchair for the last 35 years. And I've driven different wheelchairs since then. And I went to school here in Mumbai. And then I went and studied English from a college here in Mumbai. I majored in English, got my first degree in English.
And then I had this bug up my ass because I loved films. And during the whole period of my convalescence as a kid, my mom opened the whole world of cinema and books. And because I could not speak as legibly and as articulately right now as I'm speaking with you guys here.
I used to only speak with the head nod and like speaking like this guy, like all every typical Indian, how we usually tend to talk. And so my mom opened, like, the whole world of books to me and, like, cinema. And cinema, that is not meant for, like, a nine-year-old. Like, you know, I was exposed to, like, all the Arnold Schwarzenegger stuff and all the Sylvester Stallone stuff.
I'll be honest with you, Rusty. You know what? I'm very impressed, though, because... And I thought, like, all Americans spoke like Arnie. Yeah, exactly.
And Sylvester Stallone. Yeah, yeah.
I'm not one of those disabled guys who shows up on reality television with an inspiration porn story. I don't even have those kind of stories. All my life, it's all about these wackadoo incidents that have been happening with me. It's like one crazy adventure after another.
I can't see myself sitting at home and moping about this shit, but I'd rather joke about it and crack a smile and go on with life because... It's hilarious to me. Like, you know, I don't know how some disabled folk can, like, you know, just make some kind of inspiration porn story out of their life. And yeah, self-entitled pricks, but like, you know, me, I'm like different.
So I like, you know, like just putting myself out there. Yeah, yeah, you can laugh. Like, you know, I'm allowed to make these jokes. So, yeah.
Well, first of all, they all think like I'm some kind of a... Like you've been to Thailand, right? I mean, I saw the episode. So you remember all those tuk-tuks in Thailand, the small little rickshaw scooters? Bombay is full of those. So every rickshaw guy thinks I'm like some new competition in Thailand. So the moment I step out of my home, either... And I'm a big guy.
I'm like almost like, you know, 56 inches across and I'm like six foot two. So I'm on this chair and everybody thinks I'm just out for a ride. The... The seriously creepy part about my disease is I don't look disabled.
Like, you know, when I speak like this and when I'm like sitting with you guys here, you would not even realize like, you know, I'm like, I can hardly function in terms of like my motor skills and my ability to like, you know, even transfer myself. But when I'm out there, like from the local, Transportation buses to guys on the cows and the dogs. Everybody chases me.
Someone's trying to run me off the road. It's mayhem. And Mumbai roads and Mumbai infrastructure is not even meant for regular pedestrians. Let me tell you that.
I'm sure you guys also know about this, because if you've seen the documentary from Crip Camp, like, you know, the kind of struggle the disabled guys in the U.S. had to go through to get the kind of facilities that you got. Exactly. It was like such a, like they actually went and like, you know, took over the town hall in San Francisco.
You know, I wish I could do that, but nobody here would like even come to support me. First of all, I would not even be able to make it to the town hall here. So like, you know, that would be like a challenge. Right, right.
The first thing I do is put you on a wheelchair, like, you know, without causing you any bodily harm. Like, you know, we just, I mean, this big guy on a wheelchair and this other tall freak on the wheelchair. Hey, hey, easy there, buddy.
I mean... Have you seen the attitude of the Indians towards like any person with like pale skin? Like, you know, you would be like the star attraction here. Like, you know, like I could pay, I could get money from people to just have you on the streets, like going over ramps like Evel Knievel. Hey, this isn't a circus.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Every time I try to get into my vehicle, I have like an audience of 15 to 20 people. Like, you know, if I had charged them, I could have earned enough to like, you know, pay for some medicine for my disease. Like, you know, that's the first thing I would do.
And the other thing I wanted to do is like, you know, I want to get all this pent up energy and all this pop culture, like crap that's full of my like experiences. I want to start my own YouTube channel. Like, Oh, okay. I've already trademarked a name called Wheelie Vision. Wheelie Vision? I don't think... Wheelie Vision, yeah.
It's a channel by the disabled, for the disabled, and it's got nothing to do with, like, side stories. It's all about one day dedicated to, like, you know, doing actual wheelchair reviews like you would do, like, a car review. A day dedicated to doing... It's cool. A day dedicated to doing, like, a talk show.
Oh, I mean, from everything from like a key and peel kind of like a skit comedy show with no holes barred, like, you know, like like two blind guys having sex using dotted condoms where like the condoms are in Braille. So you get to learn new things as you're having sex. OK, I'm writing these ideas down.
Yep, and then, like, you know, somebody with, like, a sign language interpreter going with a deaf guy for a singing competition, and the interpreter does the singing, but the guy who's actually deaf and mute gets to win the prize because, you know, well, they're, like... So you're just sitting around thinking of this stuff.
Yeah, I think about... I wake up at night thinking, what if it's the next zombie apocalypse and I'm on a wheelchair and I turn into a zombie? I wouldn't be able to operate my wheelchair, like, you know? I mean, I think about these things. I think about going to a bar and like, you know, going way over the limit and I don't have a designated driver for my wheelchair.
Like, you know, how does that work? Like, you know. So you're suggesting. And to be honest, like, you know, I go to like a pharmacy in the U.S. Here it's all over the counter prescription. I go to a pharmacy in the U.S. The first thing they hand me is like a pill. like a bottle full of pills and it says, don't operate heavy machinery. I'm always operating heavy machinery.
Like, you know, what are you supposed to do? You know, it's shit like that. Like, you know, it's funny. It's, it's, I want people to laugh at the disabled and not in a bad way. You know, it's, it's, I think you want them to laugh.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up on video games. Like I said, if you are on a wheelchair, there's not a lot of outdoorsy stuff that you can do, though I gave it a shot. But yeah, video games were introduced to me at a very young age from the old Atari system, playing Pong with that big joystick thingy. You know, then moving on to like knockoffs, we didn't get like American game consoles.
They still proliferate the markets here in Mumbai. Like you get ripoffs of every known console ever. But they've got these funny Chinese names, like the Nintendo NES used to be called the Samurai system, like, you know, for some reason.
There is one being developed right now in India where they've taken all the old versions of GTA, Grand Theft Auto, and they've taken all the tanned players from the non-NPC characters, the non-playing characters who are all having tans, and they put them into the Indian version of the game. So every tanned NPC player... I made it into the Indian version of GTA.
That was insane looking. To give them due credit, it's still in the prototype stage. It's still a pilot project.
From one cartoon character come to life to another, I would expect.
They haven't progressed beyond rickshaws yet. But it's still called Grand Theft Auto. No, no, no. It's got some Indian name. It's a working title. They still haven't figured out what to call it yet.
They are my caregivers, my best friends. Nice. I'm on a first-name basis with them in that sense. They know everything about me, and I know everything about them.
Yeah. They don't throw potatoes at me. Okay, all right.
Yep. No, but my dad, he's never given up. He's 72, and he always thinks there's a cure right around the corner. And my dad is also my biggest wingman slash cock blocker.
i will tell you how mr conan my father thinks that every woman i meet is an ideal mate for me like you know like he couldn't do better than this like you know this is the one for him and so the moment i strike a conversation again i'll give you a movie reference you've seen the seventh seal with the god of death playing chess with that knight right the german surrealist from matt you know about this right yeah the
My dad suddenly randomly pops out of nowhere while I'm having a conversation. I'm like using my best lines on a woman at a bar, like asking her to turn me on and play with my joystick. Oh yeah, that's a great line, Rusty.
And it's only 1.30 a.m. at night, you know.
Yeah. I mean, can you think of a better line for somebody on a wheelchair who's already like had like a few too many and like meets a very attractive woman who like has shown some promise towards it?
And my dad comes up and then he rattles off like all the assets I own and that how I could live independently and I make a pretty decent living and then I would make a great husband and I would, I'm absolutely capable of getting erections and like, you know, giving her as many kids as she wants.
Sorry about that, Rusty. I'm not even caffeinated yet. I'm not even caffeinated, so can you believe that?
Were you playing with your joystick when that happened?