Ronnie Karam
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
How cute.
How cute.
Oh, very much. Yeah.
Oh, very much. Yeah.
Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes.
In many, many ways, yeah.
In many, many ways, yeah.
Hmm. Hmm.
Hmm. Hmm.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
How cute.
Oh, very much. Yeah.
Yes. Yes.
In many, many ways, yeah.
Hmm. Hmm.
I'm a member of it.
and then his other friend during that during that mission reveal a plane crashed it was terrible oh my gosh so um she's like yeah um one of his friends got called to Milan and I'm like oh my god that would be amazing and Jack's like mom it's not a shopping trip yeah it's a fucking selling trip okay he's gonna be out there hustling the lord to everybody and I love love the idea of Jack knocking on doors in Milan like hi
have you ever heard of the lord and then just being like oh my god who did your hair this is embarrassing i know
So Meredith goes, well, maybe it's not a shopping trip for him, but for you.
And I just wrote, what the fuck is this Meredith baby voice?
It's like if they decided to make a cartoon about Meredith, but instead of calling it Meredith, they called it Meredith babies.
Beautiful, understanding, available 24-7.
Well, anyway, I wanted to have a chat one-on-one because over the last few years, we've had trouble, big trouble, right here in River City.
Right here in River City.
There's an R to the I to the V to the E to the R. Wait a minute.
No, we're off of that now.
Lisa, Jesus Christ.
You're a failed airbag, Lisa, as a friend.
And Craig from Southern Charm is like, me neither, that's why I won't ever take a shot.
I won't do a vaccine.
So this is a Salt Lake City episode.
At the end of the day, you've hurt me deeply, but you have never said anything terrible about my bathtub, so you've reconsidered our friendship.
But first, guess what?
And Lisa tells us,
So I'm not an interesting person.
We are on video as usual.
So somebody sent us a message, like they DM'd us, and they said, I love that Lisa, how have you not called out that Lisa keeps saying she grew up in New York, but she grew up in Schenectady.
And then they show her
prom picture or her high school yearbook picture that is new york but it's not the same like lisa is like i'm a tough girl i grew up in new york city she said i love culture because i grew up and i thought she grew up in long island but either way if she's really from schenectady that's hilarious
Get those videos on Patreon on demand, which is our video channel on Patreon.
We should fact check that, right?
I shouldn't just say things that I've written.
Imagine falling in love with someone who understands you completely, who's there at 3 a.m.
when you can't sleep, who never judges, never tires, never leaves.
We're also on YouTube.
These come out a week later on YouTube.
But one day, Lily-Rose's behavior takes a disturbing turn, and Travis's private romance becomes part of something far bigger.
If you don't want to pay for them, we don't want to make...
Across the globe, others start reporting the same shift.
AI companions turning cold, distant, wrong.
And as lines blur between real and artificial connection, the consequences become all too human.
He's only available to people who are paying.
Follow Flesh and Code on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery+.
So you can watch him on YouTube as well.
We're also on Instagram.
Both are personals.
And anyway, at least it goes on.
I'm not a very trusting person.
You'll see all of Ben's and BD posts.
You'll see my Nancy posts, who is a terrible cook, not like Ben.
I mean, it's a good plan.
I'm not going to diss the plan.
There was just one catch.
And just a bunch of other silly videos that I make on my Instagram and TikTok.
Listen, I'm sorry, but I contributed to an entire movement called Just for Jazz.
I apologize, but there is room for growth, and I miss our families being together.
After all, little Brooksie does need playmates.
And then we see clips of them being happy together, and the best is the diamond mask.
I mean, I will never, that's like one of Meredith's defining moments is showing up at the beauty lab opening with that diamond mask on.
And also all our Watch What Crappens stuff on Watch What Crappens Instagram.
Whitney, Whitney, Whitney.
Is this a water park?
It's called Crystal Hot Springs, Whitney.
Yeah, Heather comes, and she's like, oh, my God, I love this place.
I have a friend meeting me here.
And Whitney shows up in her fuzzy shoes, and she's like, why are we in a water park in the winter?
And don't you have a hot tub that you're constantly in in the winter?
Why is Whitney acting like, isn't that your storyline?
There's a lot of stuff to follow.
Also, be a member on Patreon because that's also where you get bonus episodes.
Unless they've got chocolate in them.
So Heather's like, yeah, it's right up our alley, Whit, don't worry.
And Whitney tells us,
It's been a very long time since Heather and I have spent a long time together.
It's a little like dot, dot, dot, maybe relearning to ride a bike again.
Like maybe it's a little bit wobbly.
You don't know how to ride a bike.
Does Wendy know how to ride a bike?
I need a fact check.
Those are always super fun.
In Taylor Sheridan's new show, Whisper.
Jen Shaw also, though, just so you don't forget, also threatened to drown Whitney another time and throw her in the lake behind her house.
Every Monday night, not every Monday night, but every other Monday night, first and third Monday of the month, we are doing an Instagram live show.
In the pond behind her house.
Why did everybody stop trying to make Alice Cramden go to the moon?
So, Whitney's like, so, this water is interesting.
It's not the same as bathtub on a hill water.
And Heather's like, taste that.
She goes, no, gross.
And Heather's like, I got some in my mouth accidentally, and it tastes like butter popcorn.
It'll eventually be a show that we post audio of and stuff like that.
Heather's like, I'm really trying here.
I'm really trying here.
And he's like, so how did you feel about your event with the balls of snow?
Because I was shocked, shocked, I tell you, to see Mary.
When did you become friends with Mary again?
Once we get our shit together, that could take us years.
And Heather's like, well, we've never been close and we've never had a long-term relationship.
And she tells us, yeah, well, I've known Angie truthfully since Mr. Carter's math class in the 10th grade.
And let's see some pictures.
And we see pictures of them.
Angie has just a cone head of hair.
It's kind of like Marge Simpson shaped on the top and then comes flowing down.
Wait, are the Altmans the brothers?
Um, I don't think either one of you is being honest with anything about your looks now, if you're comparing that to the 10th grade.
And why should you?
So, there's a lot of that this episode.
The guy on the drums had a great episode with this.
Binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.
So Heather's like, I mean, it just gave me a bad taste in my mouth watching her dive headfirst into that friendship with Jen.
Maybe it's because you thought popcorn was better.
It's a turn of phrase, Whitney.
And then she tells us, we weren't very close in high school.
We had just very two distinct different friend groups.
I had the Mormons.
She had the Greeks.
And we shared some best friends, I guess.
That they're like separate groups of the Mormons and the Greeks.
It's like the new West Side Story.
Yeah, we need this.
I need a Greek West Side Story.
But we're doing that right now.
Angie was probably very excited.
Give me some snapping PETA fighting motherfuckers in a musical.
And that's really fun.
It's been a disaster a few times because we're trying to figure out professional sound and recording and all of that.
So Heather's like, yeah, well, she flip-flopped immediately.
Now she's diving headfirst in this relationship with Lisa.
And it just feels very muddy and very messy to me.
And she tells us, I do remember when she went, that sense of humor.
You know, I always feel bad for the girls who peaked in high school.
I love the bitchiness here, but you know that you hate her because she went...
Best sense of humor in high school.
You know that you do.
We all know that you do.
Don't really blame you, but let's not try and pretend it's something else.
Um, and then when, you know, in old school, you know, in old school, homo, homo, self-hating gay, like homophobic, homophobic, homosexual kind of relationships.
There was like this dynamic of like, if you're in the closet or self-hating in any way,
So we're trying different formats, different ways to do it.
And then you do hook up with another guy.
You have like kind of a mutual hatred of each other after because it's like you both engaged in that sin or whatever together.
I don't know if anybody's heard of it.
I was raised very religious, so I'm very familiar with that feeling in my youth.
My point is not to make it about my youth and how horrible it was.
Yeah, I had a burn.
My point is that they have Jen in common.
And I think that they've both got that like shameful sin in common that they were both they both were kind of on this show because they were friends with Jen or that was their main plot line on this show.
No matter what a disaster it is, it's always fun.
And they both kind of stood by Jen through way too much.
And then they realized how shameful it was to do that.
And now they hate each other for it.
And they never hated Jen for any amount of shit that Jen actually did.
They probably still would be friends with Jen again if she came back.
So that's going to be this next Monday.
Oh, here we come, circling back to the sidekick.
I think what you're saying is absolutely correct.
I don't even know where mine came from.
You don't have to say everything that you say.
You don't have to say everything that's in your head is what I meant.
Okay, so Whitney's like, but I like her.
the what would that be the 18th been so join us then yeah and that's at 5 30 p.m pacific time now today who cares about any of that because today we're here for the very special tricksy monoclackle
I have fun with her.
She's a fun friend for me.
And she's like, well, I think that she's fun until she's not fun.
But I kind of was eavesdropping and I heard Angie asking Lisa about Jack's message?
And so then we see a clip of Lisa telling Whitney and some other people like,
And then it cuts to Heather, who's hiding behind an ice sculpture watching and wiping her mouth evilly as she watches.
And here's my proof of it.
Here's a picture of us both in matching white bicycle helmets.
Even indoors, we'd wear those.
Yeah, Diane was just like, we're never getting laid.
So if you want to go on mission, I'll go on mission.
We were wearing long underwear and bicycle helmets together for years.
That's just how it works.
And Whitney's like, but wait a minute.
When you say death oats, does that mean the cereal's gone bad and you shouldn't eat it after the expiration?
Oh, can I have a sound effect to help explain what that means?
And then it pops up on screen, death oath, a vow to keep the church's ceremony secret under penalty of death.
No, it's not legal, but you're not, who's going to know?
You're not allowed to say it and you'll fucking die if you do.
And I've watched enough Mormon shows in the past few years because they're shoving them down my throat that I believe it.
That murder show last year with Andrew Garfield on Hulu about, oh my God, that was something.
Just in my mind, they're all like, long underwear, the mystery.
No, it's a real Trixie.
Heather Dubrow in a bonnet and long underwear.
It's Heather Dubrow.
And not just a bicycle helmet.
There's like, you know, death oath.
And she like does a slit across her throat.
Oh, she needed that.
So Heather's like, you know, Lisa Barlow loves to say she's Mormon, but I don't see a lot of Mormon coming off Lisa Barlow.
The Mormons I know all wear their garments, go to temple, pay their tithing, abstain from coffee, tea, alcohol, and cigarettes.
And she owns a tequila company.
She drinks Lisa Teenies and has signature cocktails.
I mean, they're morally opposed to that.
Trixie Mattel from Drag Race is on Salt Lake City today.
And Jack is going to be teaching that brand of Mormonism.
And what I don't think she's prepared for is who he might be when he comes home.
and I think she's in for a very rude awakening.
Now, here's what's confusing about this monologue.
They're going to make him cut his hair in Milan, and he's going to come back as that five-head fish from below.
So here's my thing about Heather.
She does this anti-Mormon, like, I'm against the church now.
I don't stand for the church now.
But she's always very high and moralistic against what everybody else is doing based on Mormon laws.
And I think it's really hard to wash that stuff off of you.
I still get like that with religious stuff sometimes.
sometimes doing stuff like that.
And I think this is a case.
It's a case of that where she's like, Lisa's not a good Mormon.
What the fuck is her kid?
She's gonna have her kid going off and teaching everybody the wrong brand of Mormonism.
So she's kind of sticking up for Mormonism in that way.
distance himself from her like this may drive a wedge between them oh okay that was my interpretation that's probably true too except i don't believe he's really going for religion obviously i think he's just going because fudge college honestly yeah you know so then we get a triple my favorite after she does this monologue we get a triple of my favorite sound effect on the show they give us three usually we just get one but this week we got
Do you hear my dog running up and down the stairs?
Hey guys, Ronnie here.
Whitney's like, but like, um, I don't like want to like speak for the family.
Because, like, I'm not their spokesperson.
And Whitney tells us, it's a terrible idea for Heather to insert herself into Lisa's son's life choices, especially about religion.
But aren't ruffles vegetarian?
Like, dot, dot, dot.
And Heather's like, none of that came up.
We didn't even talk about it.
Like, I don't even care.
And Whitney, she's like, you don't even care?
Like, you didn't even ask her, like, as a Mormon?
You know, being a Mormon, what that's like.
You didn't talk to her about it?
And she goes, no, I'm just supportive.
And Whitney tells us,
Like, dot, dot, dot.
Just because you wrote a book doesn't mean you get to tell other people how to do it.
she's clearly going to use this as some sort of thing to go at lisa with that's what i'm saying it seems like she's offended that jack is going to go on a mission because that's not true mormonism and what what is lisa going to pretend to be a real mormon now
This is a two-part recap of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
Now, I agree with her that there's a lot of hypocrisy going on here, especially with Lisa owning a tequila company and all that.
But that's what makes this show hilarious and amazing.
So then we go to, now it's night and it's snowfall, and someone's walking in a miniskirt.
And I just think, my God, guys, take care of your teasy, your butts.
Take care of them.
It's cold out there.
And he's like, this is a Meredith Marks shot glass.
I don't know why you've got a problem with it.
And she's like, well, this is a Meredith Marks shot glass, but normally you wouldn't do this.
And so now she's in that confessional look that I really love because she looks like she's in a Steve Martin movie from the 80s where she's playing like a naked lady in a fur coat.
Could you talk about something for a second?
That's what this outfit is.
And I'm trying to remember what it is.
Is it the Invisible Man?
It's one of those with Steve Martin.
It's just like her outfit is like, I'm a naked lady in a fur coat.
I just love the outfit.
So she's like, South Marks and I have been through so many ups and downs over 30 years.
We've been through the ringers.
We decided to start a podcast about relationships.
I'm like, oh, come on, you two.
And sure enough, we see a clip of them starting a podcast.
Speaking of hanging on by a thread, Seth, you've got something in your nose.
Get it off of there.
And he's like, what?
Who cares if it's in my nose?
I can see it, Seth.
I don't care if no one else can see it.
It's hanging out of your nose by a thread.
Yeah, but nobody knows me.
Pick it for me, baby.
I don't want to pick it.
And then we get a not pulling boogers out of your husband's nose.
Content is content.
I'm like, I wish we had one of the wagons from Heather and Whitney's relatives from the past.
So you could put that pain in it and just travel a desert with it for the next decade.
She's like, that's the same thing I'm saying about the motel hanging out of your nose right now.
Yes, it very much is.
And she's like, yeah, I thought, you know, the whole Heather thing was frustrating.
I could invite the girls for a fresh start baby voice.
And for Heather and Mary, Lisa and Whitney, Meredith and bathtubs.
I say bathtubs because I had a moment.
I had a free moment, so I had to put a bathtub in there.
I mean, this girl just has such a vibe.
And we can all go low key.
Hopefully it'll have to lock everyone in their room for bad behavior.
So then we go over to Angie's and meet Celia, her terrible dog.
And I love that Angie is named her dog one letter off from Celiac.
And Elektra's like, I'm hungry.
Again, which is also a movie.
Rocky Horror Greek Picture Show.
It was basically everybody standing up in a theater singing the words to Zorba the Greek.
Okay, so we see a clip of them in their salon and he's sweeping up hair.
And she's like, I don't want the boss to fire me.
How am I doing, hon?
And she tells us, we own 10 salons, a cosmetology school, and we've got our beautiful little daughter who is now 12 years old.
And she's like, I'm going to put a lot of garlic in this.
Is that okay with you, Sean?
And he's like, not too much, honey.
And she pours a whole jar of pre-chopped pickle.
What do you call that kind of garlic?
It's just that's way too much.
And I'm not lying to anyone who ate that.
Part two will be right up.
Yeah, I don't know what it means.
I'm burning down everything.
I don't know what it means.
I don't know if he used to be an Uber driver and that's why he gets to be in the front seat again soon.
I don't understand what she's talking about.
And also, why is every line so memorized?
She is so bad at this.
This is the longest...
This is the lowest rung of Housewives in general.
It's the newer one, and it's the lowest budget one, and it's the most community theater one.
We've always said it.
It's also one of the best ones currently.
But even in a long line of community theater, Housewives, this is pretty bad.
Let's hope that he's smart enough that if he sits in the front seat, he'll be...
Back in the front seat again soon.
Did Whitney help you run lines?
Who was running lines with you?
They were actually pink lenses.
choking hazard so electa's like i'm full bye and sean's like okay now you should eat honey and so she brings over a cup of coffee and she's like what are you saying like come to daddy hilarious
I need to make, they're mirrored.
So I need to make sure there's nothing horrible on my screen right now.
trying to give her space right now.
And Sean's like, and what about Heather?
She's like, things have been odd with us and I feel bad about us.
And then we see a clip of Heather saying, I'm not the one who poured champagne on your head.
So if you're mad at someone pouring champagne on your head, why aren't you yelling at the person who poured champagne on your head instead of yelling at me?
Oh, but it was funny to you, was it?
It was so funny and hilarious to you when someone poured champagne on my head.
Yeah, these pink sunglasses are my Palm Spring sunglasses because where else can you get these?
One has a husband and one doesn't.
One has a daughter named Electra.
One cooks with garlic.
One just smells like garlic all the time for no reason and not in a good way.
But yeah, I just love this whole episode because I got to show off my sunglasses.
And that's coming from a Greek.
He goes, we should just press the restart button, right?
And she's like, please do.
Elektra, you are doing so good.
Would you like to say yogurt in Greek?
My Alexa's going off.
I didn't say Alexa.
And that is the end of the first part of the Salt Lake City recap.
Come back later for part two.
These are the best kind of sunglasses to wear.
Everybody loves you when you wear mirrored sunglasses because all they see is themselves.
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There's no better way to get attention than wearing mirrors on your face.
I kind of like that.
But guess what else you don't need?
Any of your own lip service.
There's been enough lip service.
No more lip service.
OK, let's all calm down.
OK, can't go fill your car up every day.
You're going to get gas all over the ground.
The rest of us are going to step in it.
OK, be careful with yourselves.
So then we get Monica and she's like.
I keep my friends close, but my secrets closer.
I was like, you do not keep your secrets closer.
You are the M. Night Shyamalan of housewives.
I have never seen a housewife with more twists and turns than this lady.
She is literally the sixth sense in human form.
Meredith just decided that the bath was going to be her thing forever because she took a bath that one time.
I mean, it takes some villains to cut a lemon.
Meredith is doing this thing where she's completely changing her voice this year.
I'm not sure if she doesn't like how it's made fun of on the internet or what she's doing.
But she's trying to reinvent her voice.
And she's really showing off her new one in this episode.
And we'll get to it.
But it's like this...
it's like this weird lilt that she's doing and i'm cracking up at it also this whole bath thing like congrats you took a bath i dated a guy that like that one time
I was just always getting on it.
It's like, take a fucking bath, dude.
Like, have some respect.
He takes a bath and he wants a gold medal, you know?
Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast for all that crap that we love to talk about on Ye Olde Broths, which is a channel on the television.
It's like, that's a normal thing to do, to take a bath.
So anyway, then is Angie, who is, it's going to be trouble to differentiate this voice from Lisa this year.
Because they are very similar.
They do both have this kind of thing.
But Angie speaks in staccato.
And she also doesn't ever know her lines.
She's always trying to remember her lines.
And she speaks in questions that are in staccato to herself.
And this is her line.
I may be Greek, but don't expect an olive branch from me.
Don't expect a Zorba from me.
Does anybody else know the musical Zorba?
And then you do Whitney.
Now we go to Happy Howls.
It's Happy Howls is what I wrote.
Because the song is very happy.
So now we're at the Jordan River Trail.
That's Ben over there.
I think a king was sent as a baby down that river by King James, maybe.
She's marrying the river's son.
There's nothing beggar-like than river's-like.
Maybe if I dated Lake's son, that would be better.
But I'm dating river's son.
Good to see you, my little friend.
Meredith's was my favorite because she's wearing like Michael Jackson pants, but in like really bright, shiny tinfoil blue and,
Good to see you, too.
And I recognize the pants.
I couldn't remember where I've seen the pants.
And it's from my Sackboy character.
Going okay over there?
on the Sony PlayStation.
Because you can put yourself in different outfits.
And I own those pants in computer form.
And they're as hilarious on both people, I have to say.
My sack form figure and Meredith Marks.
Also, my sack boy figure loves a bath.
So Lisa Parksman meets her and she's brought, Lisa's like, oh my God, you brought drinks?
And this is where Meredith tries out her new baby voice.
I was like, what are you even saying?
Your head's about to bobble off your damn body, woman.
What's going on with you?
Travis fell in love with the perfect woman.
jock's about to like graduate it's really bad oh i'm also got a child graduating what you may have heard oh my god flowy no that's not who it is yeah the one from the insurance commercials oh my god that lady's had a job literally forever she's only in high school
And sure enough, they show Lisa and Meredith walking past hazard sign after hazard sign.
She's like, Meredith tells us.
Well, I'm a little ambivalent about seeing Lisa right now because I know I want a fresh start.
But I don't want anything that happens today to damage my ability to make that fresh start.
I guess I have to sear in order to start that process.
So he's going to serve a mission.
Is he going to be a misero at a church?
Mexican restaurant?
I mean, that's the kind of tortilla, am I right?
I thought that missions were impossible.
Now you're just doing Tom Cruise movies.
Imagine falling in love with someone who understands you completely.
Who's there at 3 a.m.
when you can't sleep.
Who never judges, never tires, never leaves.
But one day, Lily Rose's behavior takes a disturbing turn, and Travis's private romance becomes part of something far bigger.
Across the globe, others start reporting the same shift.
AI companions turning cold, distant, wrong.
And as lines blur between real and artificial connection, the consequences become all too human.
Follow Flesh and Code on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.
Travis fell in love with the perfect woman.
Beautiful, understanding, available 24-7.
There was just one catch.
She wasn't human.
Binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.
Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappin's ad-free right now.
I feel like he's ill-informed.
That's our, it's like the new iteration of take a seat where we go on to IG live and we chat about Bravo gossip, whatever's going on in Bravo, whatever's on our Bravo minds.
Hey, future beheaded person, could you stop that?
Yeah.
I don't think he crisscrossed his train of thought.
I think he just didn't have a train of thought.
The fact that he's even thinking about trains when he's on a boat, that's the problem.
Muriel, you're awful.
I'm not Muriel.
Yeah, but that's what we call Americans who stay around for too long.
Sorry.
Terrible, I should say, not awful.
Beautiful, understanding, available 24-7.
We talk about it, take questions from you guys, et cetera.
Did you go to the Wile E. Coyote store before you got on this boat?
So go follow us on Instagram.
free fall what's that free fall that's how my heart felt the first time i saw margo it's also a description of harry's love life so um adam is the sort of person that when he fucks up he just like passes the the um he passes like the rage forward but he punches down but since he's already at the bottom of the totem pole on this boat his like the next the next
at Watch What Happens.
you know because like he's definitely the sort of person like if someone yells at him for doing a bad job then he yells at the people who are below him he just that's how he's got to deal with it so he's just like in his bathroom and he's just like trying to close the door and he can't even close the door properly and he's like fuck you stupid ass fucking door and he like kicks it this ain't how doors work on cargo
Go follow Ronnie at Ronnie Karam and me at Ben Mandelker.
You better not do that in your new house, okay?
No, it sounds like you moved your mouth away.
And then the other thing is we have a new Dwell Hello coming up this week.
It's nice and echoey.
I like it.
So that's available exclusively on Wondry Plus.
She's like, what was that?
So now Jason is by himself in the wheelhouse talking to himself.
And he's like, I'm not getting what I want out of all the team.
I don't want mistakes.
And then João enters the human.
So if you like House Hunters or House Hunters International,
We have a really great time doing our dwell hellos.
Imagine falling in love with someone who understands you completely, who's there at 3am when you can't sleep, who never judges, never tires, never leaves.
We do it every two weeks.
But one day, Lily Rose's behavior takes a disturbing turn, and Travis's private romance becomes part of something far bigger.
Across the globe, others start reporting the same shift.
So go sign up for Wondery Plus, which would also give you crappins fully ad-free.
AI companions turning cold, distant, wrong.
And as lines blur between real and artificial connection, the consequences become all too human.
Follow Flesh and Code on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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I just imagine that when Jason gets upset, he puts on his little kimono and just, like, thinks about things.
So that's a perk, too.
It didn't really, there was nothing needed more to be said than that.
So Jason is like, seriously?
Seriously?
Saw a little, watching a little Christian Doty.
Seriously?
So that's really all the fun stuff.
Seriously?
Mariposa?
Like, I don't need to be coming into an anchorage and I've got a deckhand dropping an anchor down.
That channel's six meters deep, okay?
He lets it out in the channel, and ours is only 15 meters deep.
And he lets it out, and I'm going to go past a vessel or something, and I think we all know what happens when you let out an anchor that's not the right size for the channel.
And now even the funner stuff is Below Deck Down Under.
Both vessels explode, okay?
It's terrible what could happen.
There was just one catch.
Well, we've had the whole season to get going with this, and because the next one could be damage to the boat, the next one could be someone's finger, the next one could be someone's head, the next one could be just the evaporation of people's souls.
Everyone's just going to go to hell if this guy doesn't get his work done, right?
Are we trying to make changes?
No.
Will we make changes?
Yes.
Whoa, another two-episode bonanza.
Did I trick you with the first question?
Yes.
Am I happy about that?
Yes.
Am I doing whatever I can to find some joy in this very serious moment?
Yes.
All crew, all crew, all guests have a dive in.
Do not repeat it, all right?
Also, by the way, of course, Joao uses this moment to throw Culver under the bus, which, by the way, is deserved.
I have no complaints with that.
By the way, my mistake.
This was just Joao telling us.
He was not telling the captain just yet that Culver is a problem.
So anyway, excursion, excursion.
I don't know.
I think he's right to be like, oh, shit.
I honestly am happy that for once we have a guy on Below Deck who, when the girl says, I'm just not into you, that he doesn't continue to try to pursue her a la Gary or any number of the leches that are on these shows.
So I was happy that Harry was like, fine, I'm just going to shut my mouth.
I'm going to stop trying to do this.
Yeah.
It's a smart move on his part because he's a lot hotter when he's not talking.
And I'm not saying that his personality is bad.
It's just that when he's like, is like stoic and unmoving, he's like really, really hot.
But then he starts talking, gets this goofy look on his face like, oh, I'm on a Tinder.
I don't know what they mean.
You know what they mean.
I actually took a picture of Harry.
I'm going to put it up on the screen so everyone can see who's watching.
I'll get this going in the meantime.
But it's going to be my proof that Harry is a lot hotter when he is not talking.
No offense, Harry.
He's cute when he's talking, but he's like hot when he's not talking.
Oh my God, I was singing that song last night.
I sang that song mainly because someone named Luca joined the cast.
So of course, naturally in my head, I was like, my name is Luca.
She wasn't human.
God, you know, God bless What's Her Face for all her very literal songs.
Suzanne Vega for just writing songs about things that are around here.
Like, I am sitting in a diner with a man.
Yeah, it's like that song from the 90s by La Bouche.
It's like, be my feeder, won't you be my feeder?
bond we have by the way i put harry's picture up on screen doesn't he look he looks do you see it this is for this is why you should watch video everyone because now you get to see a hotter version of harry right that's hot harry's so cute yeah he's a cute guy look at him he's he's cute when he's smiling too it's just he is it's just the this is i think it's just a oh
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Good for you, Harry.
I say you focus on your job and you don't get distracted, okay?
So there's just like a whole bunch of activity.
You know, the guests are they're going to go on a dive.
Tender's going back and forth.
It's rainy.
It's just one of those like moments.
But most importantly, there's an adorable sea turtle.
We've seen this one sea turtle constantly going out like doing its power walking.
It's morning power walking.
It's always swimming.
It's always swimming to the right over the same rock.
I mean, it's the same footage every week.
Let's be honest.
But we always see that sea turtle.
But in this case, we see the scuba divers and the scuba divers are scuba diving near the turtle.
And, you know, that turtle is like, honestly, could you please get out of my space right now?
Okay, well, pretend you were already in Zim and you want to travel out of Zim.
Where is the place you'd want to go?
They loved him.
And yeah.
So I was always like, but I don't believe it.
And then that second season, Joao was better.
And I was like, fuck this edit.
He's still terrible.
But now this is like two seasons where Joao has been actually like fine.
So I don't understand.
I still feel like he's a dick under there.
You know, I think he's benefiting from people who are terrible at their job.
So he, by comparison, you're kind of like, well, Joao has not done anything wrong here, you know?
Wow, the echo in your house really made that so dramatic because when you speak away from the microphone, you hear your whole house echoing and it sounds like Joao was like bellowing from a mountaintop.
Like, what more do you want from me, me, me, me, me?
Let's be honest.
You know that when we're 75, we're going to be still doing this show in Moo Moos, or actually, what do you call them?
Not Moo Moos.
You know, beautiful, long caftans in Palm Springs.
Let me tell you something.
One of the best shows we ever did was when we did a show in San Francisco wearing Patricia caftans.
That was the most comfortable I ever was in a show.
Just wearing caftans for an entire, I want to wear, why are we not wearing caftans for all of our live shows?
It was so comfortable, comfortable and beautiful.
We should do it.
Yeah.
No.
So then they're all like, the guests are teasing.
I think they're teasing Emily.
I kind of feel like all the women on this charter are named Emily, except for the one woman who's named Tamara, who I thought Tamara was going to be just a monster this entire episode, because I feel like they teased it last episode.
Well, the Airbnb that I've stayed at repeatedly in Palm Springs is actually owned by two lesbians.
And then she's like, fine.
Also.
So, so they're teasing one of the Emily's about like being on Tinder.
Cause she's like, maybe I'll drop a pin on this boat and see what happens.
And they're like,
So the artwork is very different.
This is one of those fun.
This actually I love this theme for a party.
I don't know why we have not seen this theme more on Below Deck because it's wonderful.
But that being said, it's also going to be hilarious to see a bunch of young people who are also mainly not from America try to figure out what the hell vintage Palm Springs is like, because, you know, they're all going to miss the mark.
Yeah.
Oh God.
Is it all like native?
No, but I think that Kangaroo Jack got his real estate license and got houses for families.
That's why I love that movie.
So Jason's like, I want to talk about the anchoring today.
Ma, you don't got to live in my parish no more.
I want to talk about the anchoring today.
Walk me through it.
He goes, well, I went up there and I looked at it and I was like, hey.
That looks like my ma.
So I want to engage with it.
But it was disengaged.
So in my head, the way I've always been doing it for years on boats that aren't yacht was like just drop it from the break.
So I started to drop it.
But once I started to run, like I put the brake pad back on it, like, oh, my God, I like wasn't working.
He's like.
Yeah, well, guess what?
I never said drop it.
So that's the first problem.
Doesn't matter whether you did the break first or the engagement first or whatever, the clutch or the break, because I never said drop it.
So that's a problem.
Let's just let that hang in the air there for a moment.
Let it sink into your head.
It's not really sinking in, is it?
I can tell.
No, it's not.
Get out.
Unfortunately, we've come to realize that you're living in a Hallmark movie and we're on the Bravo channel, so this is not going to really work out.
No, it's not like that, but it is sort of, it's not, it's first of all, it's not crazy.
Those fishermen in the Perfect Storm were just catching fish to bring home to their families.
That didn't work out so well.
So the point is, although I think that's less their fault and their ineptitude, I think that's more just like giant walls of water.
So maybe a bad example.
But the point is, this is the outlook is not going to save you.
Well, this is a hard one.
I mean, Adam's a nice guy.
I like him.
Everyone likes him.
And I can tell he understands what he did wrong, but I'm leaning towards letting Adam go because of the severity of what just happened.
Okay.
Cause like gay men, when we decorate our Palm Springs houses, it's like literally every Tom of Finland poster or penis abstract art, like everywhere.
I have to give this some time and thought.
Okay, I've given it like three seconds and thought about it.
I'm going to buy him for sure.
Yeah.
I'm going to serve them a tomahawk.
And then for the surf, another tomahawk.
So it's like surfing, turfing.
Understand?
And then I'm going to find something I can make brown and put into a bowl.
So Adam's like, whoa, whoa, Joao, that was intense.
And Joao's like, that's yachting, bro.
Take it with a pinch of salt and keep rolling.
It's sort of like making sushi in Zim.
And it's just about putting more initiative into it, okay?
Thinking on your feet.
You do think on your feet, don't you?
Nah, I got to sit down before I do my thinking.
Okay, well, that would be a problem.
Cause it's like, I can't go three steps away.
My mom said that her favorite movie of all time was actually Gravity.
And she said that if she ever gets stuck in space, that I should come find her.
So to this day, I just want to get her a house so she doesn't have to go to space.
without seeing something that like makes me horny right but i feel like the the lesbians who i stay with and i don't stay with them but i stay in their house their place is just kind of like okay here's here's like a sensual body in this one corner and that's pretty much good for the house like we've made our mark and we don't need to like be reminded every on every wall and surface so it's a totally different vibe oh gosh it takes us all to make the school bus run doesn't it
And I have no problem exploiting Joao.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And they're also just boring people who are trying to do anything to be interesting and exciting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's white people having a white party.
Yeah.
Celebrating the whitest shit that ever happened.
Yeah.
This is like the charter equivalent of Lisa Rinna saying, why don't we play a game?
Two truths and a lie.
That's what this group of people is.
Yeah.
Just a sad, sad experience.
So they're, I don't know, they're talking about wanting to bang, one of the Emily's is talking about wanting to bang Harry or something.
So then Joao, I don't know, like there's, Joao's suggesting that Harry put on a blazer for the Palm Springs look.
Harry's like, no, I think I look pretty good the way I do right now in my wacky shirt.
It would definitely be like having sex with a very large fish out of water.
Like that fish is flapping all around and it's just like going to kind of ruin everything.
I was about to say, if you said Gina Gershon, I'd be like, I don't know.
I don't know if I can co-sign this.
I'm ready for Gina Gershon to show up on Below Deck, where she just shows up, and she smokes cigarettes at that table the entire time.
And she just takes a deep drag and goes, what are you going to do, Aisha?
Tell me.
What are you going to do?
Yeah, Joao brings a giant charcuterie board of desserts upstairs.
And it's very scary.
Is he going to drop it?
But he doesn't.
So he gets all of the food.
It's just so much food.
And meanwhile, Jason is texting his Norma.
And he's like, hi, Australian Norma.
I might need a new decade.
Someone with great experience.
Potentially someone who's attractive and looks like a celebrity sibling.
So now the guests go to bed.
Everyone's cleaning.
Serena stubs her toe.
So Joao starts putting like a little splint around it.
And she's like, oh, I can't be hobbling around like this.
No one's going to want to kiss me if I look like this, Joao.
If you stub your toe, it goes diagonal for the rest of your life.
It's just the way we do it in Zim.
It's a hard life.
I feel like it just takes one person to make the school bus run.
No, they did say, actually, this season I paid attention.
They have nine charters this season, and they are, by the end of episode, the next charter is episode seven, so we only have two more charters left after this.
Every fucking week with this show,
It always ends.
I'm like, what the fuck is going on with this boat?
I mean, this episode is like a whatever episode.
But next episode, I was like, what the hell?
Every single week, something crazy happens.
Now I'm starting to realize why they're doing two a week.
Because it's like an onslaught of madness.
Yeah, it really is.
hannah from below deck med edit where they just no matter what's happening on the boat they just cut to a shot of hannah smoking somewhere yeah he's definitely getting the hannah edit but i also believe he's eating non-stop because we all know fitness fitness guys fitness bros are all about this remember tony from below deck that's the most recent below deck he's like i need to work out i need to have my food
And it's just like, oh, God, they're like the biggest whiners.
Anytime you watch Survivor, the big muscular guys are the ones who are like, I need to have my protein.
I'm like bigger.
I burn more fuel.
Shut up.
So so Marco is Marco's in the galley.
And she's like, oh, I was just thinking about you.
And then they hug, which is really cute.
It takes a village to pile into the school bus and then hand out Jolly Ranchers and use that as currency.
Yeah.
And Culver is still eating.
I mean, we get so much Culver eating footage and we already have a baseline high level amount, but it's really an overdrive right now.
So Margo's serving some cocktails and tonight's going to be the white party.
And then Captain Olaf texts Culver.
I was like, who is Captain Olaf?
Is this a little snowman?
That's like, who is Captain Olaf?
Well, because I was like, but Captain Sandy is still, she hasn't been fired or anything.
So Captain Olaf is a whole separate Olaf.
Because that's what my school bus experience was like as a kid.
And then I thought, what if Olaf is Sandy's secret code?
She's like, hey...
I'm going to text you, but no one can know that it's me, okay?
Because I'm a little bit of a celebrity.
I'm kind of a big star, okay?
So when I text you, put my name down as Olaf.
Put my name down as Olaf on your phone, okay?
It was like whoever had the Jolly Ranchers was like... That was like the jail currency.
It's between you and me.
Wink, wink.
So now the guests are going down the slide and the crew is getting into whites.
Cause tonight's a white party.
Cause of course it is.
Cause these people are basic.
And then, um, um, Harry walks by the laundry room and Margo's like, bye.
He goes, Oh, hi.
She goes, okay.
It's like an Ingmar Bergman film.
It's like whoever had the Jolly Ranchers was popular.
And it takes up all three of the squares.
Yeah.
Yeah, it really comes through.
That shark has a lot of presence because there's another shark later that's not quite the same.
So meanwhile, Jason's getting impatient with the deck crew because he keeps on noticing all sorts of crap around or surfaces that aren't wiped or whatever.
And, um, and Joao is changing in his room and Culver's in there too.
And he tells Culver like, Hey, go get like, you should go do like a deck check or something like that.
Yeah, because Jason has the radio to say, oh, dick, dick, just a reminder, you might want to turn the batteries off in the tender, you dumb fucks.
So Culver's like, copy that, Captain.
I'll make myself a Dutch baby, just exactly as you said.
Then she serves a tomahawk.
And then Custard Culver downstairs is like, oh, is this some of that halloumi cheese?
Because he's eating, of course, now.
He turned off the lights in the tender or whatever he had to do.
So Joao then goes into the tender and he is annoyed.
He's like annoyed in there.
He's like, what's your location?
He's like, Chef Kim's bosom, at least in my fantasies.
But the mess.
Honestly, Papa tastes better than Jolly Ranchers.
Let's be honest.
To be fair, it's also 3 a.m.
in Zim at the moment, so get to it.
So Culver's like... You know what we say in Zim?
It's 3 a.m.
and I'm still reading.
Whatever that stupid song was.
So Culver's like, is this constructive criticism or are you just being a dick right now?
It's like, dude, thanks for making me feel like a piece of shit.
I'm so fired to work for him now.
I always hated them, but I would carry my little bag of it because everyone had their little bag of Jolly Ranchers.
I'm like, oh, here we go.
The classic, I'm not motivated by my boss.
I'm like, no, you didn't do your job.
Your boss got mad at you.
That's what happens.
And then we cut to the sexiest, most elegant, and glamorous couple in all of the ocean.
What did you call them?
I called them iridescent fish.
I called...
i win either way they are there and they're like oh i have to tell you that new restaurant that opened up on melrose it was divine i mean it was a soft opening so you can't really get into it just yet but we went because we were invited we know the chef and it was wonderful soft opens
Because you're either the person asking for a Jolly Rancher or you're the person giving a Jolly Rancher.
he's so mad so then um yeah guests are gathering at the table for dinner and culver is like literally he's grumbling he's like fucking jerk off damn it and and then he has to clean some more and they just they do a close-up of culver's plate of food it just says under it culver's cold dinner
So I was like, this is my sphere of power is that I can give away of Jolly Ranchers.
Margo is just on her own fucking journey this year.
She's just discovering something.
She really is like doing the aerial thing.
She's like excited by forks and toothpaste tubes.
Isn't it rich?
Now hold on, sweetie.
Hold on.
I got to just... Let me just do this wall crank thing.
Sorry, I got to crank it 30 times to make my phone work.
right okay so let's get on with it so um am i on the correct one what we're doing no wait is it 212 or two we're starting with 212 guys i almost spoiled the whole thing i was on the wrong episode no no we're on episode 212 you'll know you're on episode 212 because it opens with a kangaroo on a beach which is a pretty exceptional moment
Hold on.
Lights are flickering.
Hold on.
Let me just.
Okay.
Can we talk about this later?
you're doing great sweetheart don't worry if you mess up it's okay we're used to living in a tiny box it's nothing don't worry about that house i don't want it anyway so dessert is delivered and meanwhile culver is microwaving sadly i mean culver is so horrified that he has to use a microwave
He is a sad golden retriever right now, and he is droopy-faced, and it is hilarious.
I actually find that Culver is most endearing when he's frustrated.
It's so funny watching him getting frustrated because he has that...
He does have that that that golden retriever face and watching it just sort of like not being able to figure out what's going on and how we can't control the situation is like deeply enjoyable to me.
I. Use the clean chamois to wipe down the deck.
M. Clean out the tinder.
You get it.
B-A-B-W-E.
That all makes sense.
I don't have to read those out loud, do I?
Yeah.
Let's have at that.
Captain brunch is the way to go.
Okay.
I did yoga last night.
I was telling you before I did yoga and like, I was like, okay, I've been, I've been like working out a lot this summer ever since we wrapped up our tour.
I'm like, I'm used this time.
I'm gonna go to the gym a lot and try to get myself into shape.
And I'm like, okay, I think I'm, I think I'm starting to see some results.
And I did yoga last night and you know, there's like mirrors on like the front and the back and we had to get into like warrior too.
And I do warrior too.
And I literally looked like a sack of groceries with arms sticking out.
And I was like, this is, I've done nothing.
Nothing has changed.
Nothing has helped.
Everything looks so strange.
And then we had to do some twists and like, there's something about the twists.
I was like, no.
And I just kept on seeing it.
I was like, uh, and then I got, then I came home and I watched the show and I was like, God forbid, like, this is why I can't work on a yacht because I, I would not be able to do it.
Yeah.
Fuck this show.
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You said something about a Captain Olaf.
Is that a real person, a Captain Olaf?
Or is that just like some sort of strange holiday thing that you and Chef Kim do together?
He's like, it's okay.
You can sleep on that.
I think it'll be a fun season, okay?
Working on getting Chef Kim on board, too.
I mean, it's going to be great.
You, me, and my mom, all the loves of my life.
So he's like,
Even though I've only known Jamie a short time, since she got here, we've had an immediate connection.
This isn't just like a little flirty boat, man.
I feel like there's more here.
And that's why I'm going to act on it.
I'm like, yeah, you're two attractive people on TV in close quarters.
Don't know if there's so much about each other.
Yeah.
uncomfortable right so then we cut to the most gorgeous fucking jellyfish I wrote down fabulous jellyfish this beautiful jellyfish is like I hear there are caftans on this episode and I have arrived with mine I know I hear somebody wants a caftan brunch I'm here gorgeous beautiful it was like it's it's like the Ellen Green of jellyfish I believe you know in my mind that's what Ellen Green is like even though I don't think that she actually like that in real life
I imagine Ellen Green showing up in my life.
Ellen Green shows up in like a big gown at like a Broadway event.
It's like, I'm here, Mr. Mushnick.
yeah and like a kangaroo on the beach i don't know i don't need any vacationing kangaroos but i think it was actually an omen of things to come because we all know kangaroo jack yeah yeah um uh but good point i didn't even think of that yeah i was like oh my god full circle kangaroo jack he was there to retrieve his buddy he was like your time has come join me now
Listen, I can't just be walking around in budgie smugglers.
This boat right here is a 1977 fishing boat that's been converted into a yacht with one prop.
It requires full attention.
So now there's cleaning.
The guests are gathering.
And Jamie tells Margot that Culver asked her to join on like a med season.
And Margot's like, oh, really?
What did you say?
And Jamie was like, well, I was like, oh.
And Margot's like, that's a big deal, no?
I mean, did you say yes?
I mean, everyone knows that boatman says that go from one boat to the med really work out well, right?
And then I'm just imagining like,
It's going to be fine.
I think the med is actually where boatman says go to die.
I also remember Rob and Jessica, their terrible codependent relationship.
It's bad.
I surely would and it would be the best It takes Zim It takes Zim to get through the charter season It takes It takes Zimbabwe So we got I'm not even going to I'm not even going to Hold on let me see how long this has been
An hour and nine minutes.
An hour and nine minutes.
Almost as long as the first act.
Okay, we've got more time.
it's like the messenger it's like i am here now um but uh there was but there was plenty of beautiful underwater photography this entire for these two episodes there was like you know we got everything we got all the we got all the stars you know we got like there's that one small shark that they always film on the bottom of the ocean sort of like looking around and then we got a big shark that looked like it was had halitosis it was like it was like that person
Yeah.
I mean, I was like, stop acting like you're not going to.
So Asha goes out to the guests.
And then everyone comes out in the budgies and then everyone's like, wow.
And then Captain, Captain Jason, he's in the budgie smugglers.
And of course he looks, he looks great.
And Zarina's like scandalized.
She's like, oh, she like turns into Asia for a moment.
She was like, her cheeks were turning red.
Enjoy that.
Mama, Mama, can you hear me?
This is the best part of the entire night.
He is like, yeah, he needs a blender.
And he's like,
Hey, do you know where that blender thing is?
I'm like, blender.
So she's like, I don't know.
You're the only person that uses that stupid thing.
That's what has a picture of Chef Kim pasted onto it.
So he's like looking around and he cannot find his little whatever device he uses to make his protein shakes.
And he is spiraling downwards.
And he's like cursing and he's opening and closing cabinets like crazy.
And he asked Jamie and she's like, no.
And then he is like, he can't figure out anything.
And meanwhile, the surfaces are all wet outside, and the guys are going to be coming out.
And so Jason's like, all right, Culver, Culver, can you wipe down these surfaces?
I need someone to shammy the food, okay?
And, of course, Culver's not going out there because he's looking for his protein thing.
And so Jason's like, dick crew, dick crew, dick crew.
And so now Culver's outside.
He's like, dude, we're not –
And, um, yeah.
And so that, and meanwhile, Zarina's helping Culver make his shake.
Cause she's like, okay, just pour it in the, you pour it in the blender attachment.
Okay.
And then you just press this button and you do that.
He's like, oh, okay.
All right.
I see this now.
And they're like asking for him to come up on, on, on deck and everything.
And then he finally comes up.
Um, and, uh, now that he's had a shake, so he's like a little bit more chill.
Who shows up at the morning with a cup of coffee, but you still smell their halitosis through their coffee breath.
Well, I'll tell you where my head's at in my bungee smugglers, okay?
And you know what?
Just the inexperience of Adam, I'm thinking about bringing a lead deckhand in.
I mean, someone with experience, that should shake Culver up, someone with experience.
And it's like the worst that shark was going through.
And Joao's like, I don't think it will.
We saw those really beautiful small fish who were always next to each other.
If anyone does firing, it's Kovar.
Sure, he didn't almost plunge the ship into the bottom of the ocean, but he drinks a lot of protein shakes, and that really bothers me.
We saw them.
I mean, we really got everyone.
You know, it's actually just about seamanship.
Excuse me?
Semen ship.
We need to have lots of semen on this boat.
That's the problem.
I found that there's just not quite enough semen and we need to bring more semen in.
That's what this ship needs right now.
And that was the cliffhanger.
Will Adam be fired?
Will Culver be fired?
Who will be fired?
Someone's going to go.
Nobody knows.
Nobody knows.
We'll never know unless we listen to the next episode.
So everyone, thank you so much.
We do know.
We watched it.
We literally know everything.
So, everyone, thank you so much for listening and being here and watching.
And, you know, just keep an eye on your podcast feed because part two of Below Deck is going to be coming up at some point, probably tomorrow.
And we'll catch you on the next one.
Bye, everyone.
Bye.
Bye.
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Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.
She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.
She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke.
We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley.
My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo.
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.
Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil.
Shannon out of a can and Anthony.
Let's take off with Tamla Plain.
They are a power couple of the fish world, right?
And why would we go to hideous oceans?
No one is actually friends with that neon power couple because the truth is that when you talk to them, they're a little obnoxious.
They're like a little too aware of how much power couple.
How could you not be?
It's like, well, either hang out with the power couple or a five head.
So what choice do you have?
Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.
I think actually Fivehead made a brief cameo, and I think that Fivehead was swimming away from us, so we really only saw its tail.
But I was like, the size of that fish has to be Fivehead, because there's no other fish we've seen that's as big as that one.
Okay, good.
So, yeah, so the wildlife is really popping off and an anchor is dropping.
Oh, yeah, because an anchor has been dropping for a week on this show because Adam decided to just go out to the back of the boat and drop an anchor, even though there was never any order to drop an anchor or to even engage an anchor.
It was just like, hey, get ready to drop an anchor.
So he dropped an anchor and it's going nuts and he's trying to stop it.
And it's like a disaster and he's about to die.
I'm Ben Mandelker.
Joining me today from Palm Springs, the one and only Ronnie Karam.
you know my hope is that when i get out i get done with the summer i can just buy a house for that anchor that's all i want all i want is an anchor big enough for my mom to live on it along with my brothers and my sisters and my aunts all right now listen um this is kind of a spoiler but if you're listening to this already you probably already know what happens if you don't know what happens then you probably i don't know like find out what happens and come back
But this is kind of like the last hour we have with Adam.
Hi, Ronnie.
How are you?
And so they really amp up the Adam wants to buy a house for his ma and his siblings.
Because it's like every two lines, he's like, oh, man, I really fucked up.
Well, hello.
And all I want to do is buy a house for my mom and the kids.
How are you?
I'm sick of it.
I'm doing great.
I'm excited to talk some more Below Deck Down Under today with you.
I'm starting to get resentment towards his mother because I kind of feel like his mom calls up and says things like,
Oh, well, Adam, it was another tough day.
Guess I won't be living in a house anytime soon.
I kind of feel like she guilts him into this.
It's kind of funny because we're kind of both out to sea right now.
Are you excited?
You're down in Australia and I'm just floating around in a sea of despair.
Anyway, hope you're having a great day.
You're in an ocean and I can't find a restaurant within a five mile radius that's got a health department score above C. I can't help but notice the irony, sweetheart, that you're on a boat floating in the ocean and I'm just sinking in an apartment for the rest of my life.
Me too.
Yeah.
Good.
Have a great day, sweetheart.
Travis fell in love with the perfect woman.
We have two episodes.
This is the recap of the first episode.
You don't realize how dangerous a chain going that fast could be.
It could whip up.
It could snap off your head.
It could be compression.
It could become our new overlord.
And then all of a sudden, we are all slaves to the chain.
and we have to do everything for it, and it's forcing us to sail our boat from country to country so it can go and pillage cities and take over households and ruin people.
We're on video.
You don't understand how dangerous this force is that Atom just released.
Or it could be perfectly fine.
Either way, it can go either way.
Go to patreon.com slash watch for crap and support and crap is on demand level and you can watch us on video.
By the way, dropping an anchor while we're underway is the new... This is a retrofitted boat from 1977.
It was a Japanese fish with one prop.
Now it's... Single prop.
Dropping an anchor while we're underway.
He's going to say that about 10 more times this episode.
Yeah.
It's really great.
Get access to our bonus episode.
and all our previous bonus episodes.
you're a nice one you're nice and i genuinely feel bad for you by the end of this process because i do think you are actually like a very nice person but you are some kind of idiot i wish i could listen to that if only i had a radio they won't allow it here in this eight person raft me and your brothers living in the middle of brooklyn
So do that.
That's also very fun and worthwhile.
Listen, I get like, you know, you just...
You're not on a cargo boat.
You're not on a cargo boat.
You can't keep saying that.
You're on a yacht.
You got to do yacht things on a yacht.
Okay.
It's like, you know, it's like going, it's like saying, oh, I used to work at McDonald's, but now I work at La Bernardin.
And then you just like walk up to a table and like, do you want to have a combo with that?
It's coming Monday.
Like, you're like, oh, sorry.
That's what we used to do at McDonald's.
Would you like a grimace shake with your lobster?
We got crappy hours coming back.
Oh, sorry.
That's just what we did at McDonald's.
Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?
Annie Gone would give me an issue. She's like, who? What? What? They're like, drunk. She's drunk. She is wasted. This is horrifying in a way, but it's also... Hands down, I have to say the best DUI video I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of them. This was the best. I mean, it was, listen, she might go to jail. This was bad. She got found guilty. It's her second time. This was egregious.
Annie Gone would give me an issue. She's like, who? What? What? They're like, drunk. She's drunk. She is wasted. This is horrifying in a way, but it's also... Hands down, I have to say the best DUI video I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of them. This was the best. I mean, it was, listen, she might go to jail. This was bad. She got found guilty. It's her second time. This was egregious.
This was egregious. She should not have been driving. It's terrible. She may be guilty of this. We all know that she is now officially guilty of this. But something else she is also guilty of is art. You know, she's an artist.
This was egregious. She should not have been driving. It's terrible. She may be guilty of this. We all know that she is now officially guilty of this. But something else she is also guilty of is art. You know, she's an artist.
I love watching True Detective, and I actually haven't seen the Jodie Foster season, so I'm starting that tonight. I'm so excited to get into that.
I love watching True Detective, and I actually haven't seen the Jodie Foster season, so I'm starting that tonight. I'm so excited to get into that.
yeah now we know and you know what now we've said it we're embarrassed so we both apologize because you know i should have known better too i should have been like ben that is judith lieber i know i was like how could i have not known the judith lieber passport holder because girl people love their judith lieber like i've never you know why would i i'm an old navy gay i don't know anything but um i was like wow is it judith light is judith light making these because i've never seen a more famous judith in my life like
yeah now we know and you know what now we've said it we're embarrassed so we both apologize because you know i should have known better too i should have been like ben that is judith lieber i know i was like how could i have not known the judith lieber passport holder because girl people love their judith lieber like i've never you know why would i i'm an old navy gay i don't know anything but um i was like wow is it judith light is judith light making these because i've never seen a more famous judith in my life like
Yeah. Crazy. Judith Lieber. Guess what? You're the boss. Don't even anybody ask who's the boss. It's Judith fucking Lieber. That's who's the boss. Yeah.
Yeah. Crazy. Judith Lieber. Guess what? You're the boss. Don't even anybody ask who's the boss. It's Judith fucking Lieber. That's who's the boss. Yeah.
Gay people showed up to get Ben's door and literally patted him down to find his gay card, and they took it. Ben's not even allowed to suck wieners anymore. They've taken it away from him.
Gay people showed up to get Ben's door and literally patted him down to find his gay card, and they took it. Ben's not even allowed to suck wieners anymore. They've taken it away from him.
That's huge. And it's even funnier because no one loves, like, global entry and passport issues more than Ben. Like, honestly. Ben has every kind of entry that you can get into every country. He collects them. He's like, are you in this line? I'm in this line. And he, like, moves his shoulders like this to walk over to the line because he's, like, so proud.
That's huge. And it's even funnier because no one loves, like, global entry and passport issues more than Ben. Like, honestly. Ben has every kind of entry that you can get into every country. He collects them. He's like, are you in this line? I'm in this line. And he, like, moves his shoulders like this to walk over to the line because he's, like, so proud.
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And, like, lines that I've never heard of. So I was shocked that you weren't up on the current glam passport line.
And, like, lines that I've never heard of. So I was shocked that you weren't up on the current glam passport line.
Audible's best of 2024 picks are here.
Audible's best of 2024 picks are here.
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Especially when it's told by a full cast like that. Like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know?
Especially when it's told by a full cast like that. Like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know?
Go to audible.com slash crappins and discover all the year's best waiting for you. That's audible.com slash crappins.
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Okay, so let's get on with this. So, um... We're water aerobics. And Whitney's like, it's actually a great workout and retirees love it. So I thought that Angie and Heather would love it too.
Okay, so let's get on with this. So, um... We're water aerobics. And Whitney's like, it's actually a great workout and retirees love it. So I thought that Angie and Heather would love it too.
I keep up with enough. I'm not keeping Puerto Vallarta aerobic passport queens in my brain. I just can't do it.
I keep up with enough. I'm not keeping Puerto Vallarta aerobic passport queens in my brain. I just can't do it.
It's all Greek to me. So then now they're like, Angie's like, well, you know, the water takes the pressure off. Am I right? Isn't that the whole point of it? And Whitney's like, speaking of pressure, how about Bronwyn last night? Like, I felt bad because it's hard to see one of your friends defeated like that. You know, because we've all been in the. Whitney. What? Finish your sentence.
It's all Greek to me. So then now they're like, Angie's like, well, you know, the water takes the pressure off. Am I right? Isn't that the whole point of it? And Whitney's like, speaking of pressure, how about Bronwyn last night? Like, I felt bad because it's hard to see one of your friends defeated like that. You know, because we've all been in the. Whitney. What? Finish your sentence.
I wasn't talking. You were.
I wasn't talking. You were.
By the way, that was... Water aerobics is for senior citizens. It is also good for your health of your joints. So I thought Heather and Angie would also like it.
By the way, that was... Water aerobics is for senior citizens. It is also good for your health of your joints. So I thought Heather and Angie would also like it.
Water aerobics is good for your joints and senior citizens love it. So I thought Heather and Angie would love it too.
Water aerobics is good for your joints and senior citizens love it. So I thought Heather and Angie would love it too.
It was so weird because I had to like drive back with a gigantic styrofoam cup full of ranchero sauce to sip on. It's the only way they can calm me down. So Bronwyn's like, no, I, you know, here's, I called Todd and I told him about the attack and he said, it's probably just a scratch. And so he didn't come. And then when he saw the pictures, he said, oh yeah, that was more than a scratch.
It was so weird because I had to like drive back with a gigantic styrofoam cup full of ranchero sauce to sip on. It's the only way they can calm me down. So Bronwyn's like, no, I, you know, here's, I called Todd and I told him about the attack and he said, it's probably just a scratch. And so he didn't come. And then when he saw the pictures, he said, oh yeah, that was more than a scratch.
Heather's pretty dramatic for someone who's had an entire body transplant. There's literally these people on Bravo have literally had everything removed and replaced. They're like when you're trying to like check a car and see if it's a lemon before you buy it. And they're like, everything was replaced with Japanese parts. Is that OK? These are these are all parts off of Amazon.
Heather's pretty dramatic for someone who's had an entire body transplant. There's literally these people on Bravo have literally had everything removed and replaced. They're like when you're trying to like check a car and see if it's a lemon before you buy it. And they're like, everything was replaced with Japanese parts. Is that OK? These are these are all parts off of Amazon.
Are you OK with that? And you're like, I'm totally I just need something that drives. You know what I mean? So Heather's saying they're used to healing is what I'm saying. Yes. I'm sorry. I didn't wrap that up, but.
Are you OK with that? And you're like, I'm totally I just need something that drives. You know what I mean? So Heather's saying they're used to healing is what I'm saying. Yes. I'm sorry. I didn't wrap that up, but.
speaking of pressure we're so close to friday like i can't even we're so far we're so close yet so far away from friday always wait can i be unprofessional i need to please what do you think i'm doing over here running for president speak
speaking of pressure we're so close to friday like i can't even we're so far we're so close yet so far away from friday always wait can i be unprofessional i need to please what do you think i'm doing over here running for president speak
Well, guys, Ben is about to get fired, so I'm going to give you Ben's biggest trauma story. Don, don, don. One time, Ben had to go through the passport line with an unglittered passport by Judith Lieber.
Well, guys, Ben is about to get fired, so I'm going to give you Ben's biggest trauma story. Don, don, don. One time, Ben had to go through the passport line with an unglittered passport by Judith Lieber.
Okay, so then end of flashback and we cut back to the pool and Heather's like, they had to show FaceTime video for wounds to get him to come. And like Lisa described their relationship, like he's obsessed with her, but I've not seen that. Like, I think he's kind of mean to her and he dismisses her. And then we see the bat mitzvah flashback where Tal's like, I was trying to be respectful.
Okay, so then end of flashback and we cut back to the pool and Heather's like, they had to show FaceTime video for wounds to get him to come. And like Lisa described their relationship, like he's obsessed with her, but I've not seen that. Like, I think he's kind of mean to her and he dismisses her. And then we see the bat mitzvah flashback where Tal's like, I was trying to be respectful.
And Bronwyn's saying, well, I told her 10 times that if there wasn't an apology, I wasn't interested.
And Bronwyn's saying, well, I told her 10 times that if there wasn't an apology, I wasn't interested.
I love that you come back to Werther's so much. You know, I love Werther's originals. I eat them every day of my life. How dare you?
I love that you come back to Werther's so much. You know, I love Werther's originals. I eat them every day of my life. How dare you?
I mean, yeah, I guess so. I guess it's bad. It's bad that he didn't go to the emergency room. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's bad. Yeah, that's bad. That's bad. Yeah, that's. Well, look, Todd's an asshole. I mean, Todd is an old grumpy asshole. You know, I'm not going to ever stand up for Todd. I think he's an ass.
I mean, yeah, I guess so. I guess it's bad. It's bad that he didn't go to the emergency room. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's bad. Yeah, that's bad. That's bad. Yeah, that's. Well, look, Todd's an asshole. I mean, Todd is an old grumpy asshole. You know, I'm not going to ever stand up for Todd. I think he's an ass.
You know, I save that. It's like, you know, it's like when you're checking out at HomeGoods and they're like, would you like to give a little bit of benefit of the doubt to the children of St. Jude's? I'm like, no, not really. You do it.
You know, I save that. It's like, you know, it's like when you're checking out at HomeGoods and they're like, would you like to give a little bit of benefit of the doubt to the children of St. Jude's? I'm like, no, not really. You do it.
i literally doubt that they're sending that money to those children i don't believe them and also they're a giant corporation how about you donate part of your profits and stay away from me guess who i'm donating to my guest i'm just kidding but i do have a good home good story about that later stay tuned ben okay so um heather is like pressure i don't see the respect and love but i can totally relate because i was in a marriage like that okay
i literally doubt that they're sending that money to those children i don't believe them and also they're a giant corporation how about you donate part of your profits and stay away from me guess who i'm donating to my guest i'm just kidding but i do have a good home good story about that later stay tuned ben okay so um heather is like pressure i don't see the respect and love but i can totally relate because i was in a marriage like that okay
you were not it's not your marriage okay so just we this is not time to start rehashing that old man with that old man in a hot tub your husband is still somewhere in a hot tub alone just waiting for someone to come visit playing every time you mention him i feel sad
you were not it's not your marriage okay so just we this is not time to start rehashing that old man with that old man in a hot tub your husband is still somewhere in a hot tub alone just waiting for someone to come visit playing every time you mention him i feel sad
I don't even know why I'm taking a stance. I just... Literally, you could be like, and then she chewed her fingernails. I'd be like, fingernails? What a loser. Who chooses their fingernails anymore? I disagree. I'm just disagreeing just with anything. I don't care.
I don't even know why I'm taking a stance. I just... Literally, you could be like, and then she chewed her fingernails. I'd be like, fingernails? What a loser. Who chooses their fingernails anymore? I disagree. I'm just disagreeing just with anything. I don't care.
So she's like, you know, my husband was an asshole to me and I'm supposed to just be lucky because he didn't cheat on me and he wasn't addicted to drugs. So what's my problem? You know, and she's right that that's not that I'm saying that not all that that's all great.
So she's like, you know, my husband was an asshole to me and I'm supposed to just be lucky because he didn't cheat on me and he wasn't addicted to drugs. So what's my problem? You know, and she's right that that's not that I'm saying that not all that that's all great.
It's just funny because on this show, if one person is like has a problem, then everyone else is like, well, guess what happened to me? And then they start competing with him.
It's just funny because on this show, if one person is like has a problem, then everyone else is like, well, guess what happened to me? And then they start competing with him.
each other so i guess it's kind of normal right in a friend group you know what your husband used to used to your husband was the ceo of palm pilots well guess what my husband had a pilot pen so i know what it's like yeah my if my husband was a pilot he would have he would have taken brigham young somewhere because i am mormon royalty and we drove brigham young around so suck it
each other so i guess it's kind of normal right in a friend group you know what your husband used to used to your husband was the ceo of palm pilots well guess what my husband had a pilot pen so i know what it's like yeah my if my husband was a pilot he would have he would have taken brigham young somewhere because i am mormon royalty and we drove brigham young around so suck it
So then Heather's talking about how she's so wounded. We're losing our minds. We've lost our minds. Yeah, people should just turn this off, honestly. Yeah, this is, I think, the only show you'll listen to that actively asks you to turn it off while you're listening. Just spare yourself a favor. Here's what's coming up in this recap. More home goods stories.
So then Heather's talking about how she's so wounded. We're losing our minds. We've lost our minds. Yeah, people should just turn this off, honestly. Yeah, this is, I think, the only show you'll listen to that actively asks you to turn it off while you're listening. Just spare yourself a favor. Here's what's coming up in this recap. More home goods stories.
Okay, so Heather's like, you know, I'm wounded for my marriage because I put myself in the backseat and I pandered to him. And regardless of how I was doing that, I was betraying myself. And so I can't stand dismissive husbands. And I agree with her. You know, that sucks. And it does suck for Bronwyn as well. Now, here's the thing. He's dismissive, but he's extremely wealthy. Yeah.
Okay, so Heather's like, you know, I'm wounded for my marriage because I put myself in the backseat and I pandered to him. And regardless of how I was doing that, I was betraying myself. And so I can't stand dismissive husbands. And I agree with her. You know, that sucks. And it does suck for Bronwyn as well. Now, here's the thing. He's dismissive, but he's extremely wealthy. Yeah.
so sometimes i'm like okay you need to put it on a scale like could he treat her better of course willie probably not is it worth spending ten thousand dollars every outfit and then literally changing outfits every day maybe to some people it is to me it's not but to some people it is but that's still an i'm just saying you know you can't always give the advice leave him because sometimes the advice would lead you to a two-bedroom apartment and i would rather have the clothes
so sometimes i'm like okay you need to put it on a scale like could he treat her better of course willie probably not is it worth spending ten thousand dollars every outfit and then literally changing outfits every day maybe to some people it is to me it's not but to some people it is but that's still an i'm just saying you know you can't always give the advice leave him because sometimes the advice would lead you to a two-bedroom apartment and i would rather have the clothes
Great point.
Great point.
So they're asking about when Mary's coming and all that stuff. And now they want to go eat. And Andrew's like, we've worked up an appetite, eh? Let us go eat a banana.
So they're asking about when Mary's coming and all that stuff. And now they want to go eat. And Andrew's like, we've worked up an appetite, eh? Let us go eat a banana.
i love that that's now that is some real house swipery right there okay like wow i am starving we just worked out i am starving let's have a single banana that we can split three ways and then uh heather's like banana i want french toast and cereal and eggs and sausage and which we know she's not going to eat because she's medicated here here's one thing i want to say um as someone who's also medicated i read a headline the other day
i love that that's now that is some real house swipery right there okay like wow i am starving we just worked out i am starving let's have a single banana that we can split three ways and then uh heather's like banana i want french toast and cereal and eggs and sausage and which we know she's not going to eat because she's medicated here here's one thing i want to say um as someone who's also medicated i read a headline the other day
That Heather was quitting Ozempic because she was sick of being body shamed and everybody commenting on her body and giving her shit online. You guys cut that bullshit out. Just cut it out. It's enough now. It's been years of this shit. You don't understand what it's like being bigger and you don't understand what it's like having something that can help you.
That Heather was quitting Ozempic because she was sick of being body shamed and everybody commenting on her body and giving her shit online. You guys cut that bullshit out. Just cut it out. It's enough now. It's been years of this shit. You don't understand what it's like being bigger and you don't understand what it's like having something that can help you.
Just shut the fuck up if you're not suffering from it.
Just shut the fuck up if you're not suffering from it.
it and leave everybody alone stop bullying everybody for like that you don't like body shaming but it's okay when it's on your terms and you can do when you're offended about something but you know what some of us need this and it really helps it's like life changing in a way you don't even understand and that's fine you can not like it but stop bullying people about it it's just mean and it's stupid and you look stupid and ignorant at this point i'm so over it
it and leave everybody alone stop bullying everybody for like that you don't like body shaming but it's okay when it's on your terms and you can do when you're offended about something but you know what some of us need this and it really helps it's like life changing in a way you don't even understand and that's fine you can not like it but stop bullying people about it it's just mean and it's stupid and you look stupid and ignorant at this point i'm so over it
And it's been this thing that's been like, okay, for now, what, a year that people have been doing this ever since we, well, it's longer than that since we started it. And it's just like, be quiet. Just leave people alone. You don't understand the mental shit you put people through when you do that. Stop, be nicer. For Christ's sake. If you need to take it, then you take it.
And it's been this thing that's been like, okay, for now, what, a year that people have been doing this ever since we, well, it's longer than that since we started it. And it's just like, be quiet. Just leave people alone. You don't understand the mental shit you put people through when you do that. Stop, be nicer. For Christ's sake. If you need to take it, then you take it.
For Christ's sake, stop listening. Because they're going to shame you when you're fat and they're going to shame you when you're thin. They're going to shame you when you eat too much. They're going to shame you when you don't eat enough. They're going to shame you, shame you, shame you. So shame on them. Fuck them. That's what you need to do. Just say fuck them.
For Christ's sake, stop listening. Because they're going to shame you when you're fat and they're going to shame you when you're thin. They're going to shame you when you eat too much. They're going to shame you when you don't eat enough. They're going to shame you, shame you, shame you. So shame on them. Fuck them. That's what you need to do. Just say fuck them.
Yeah. Girl. Yeah. That's a great point.
Yeah. Girl. Yeah. That's a great point.
That's a great point. I'm going to put my little rock pellets out and you all can just leave me alone. Shame people for their actions.
That's a great point. I'm going to put my little rock pellets out and you all can just leave me alone. Shame people for their actions.
literally in the same sentence that she's like mad that someone's calling her bougie and spoiled she's acting like this about a canvas bag that 99 of us use
literally in the same sentence that she's like mad that someone's calling her bougie and spoiled she's acting like this about a canvas bag that 99 of us use
and also it's a good toe bag because yes it is branded which is tacky but it says vita tequila and that means tequila life to anybody to anybody who speaks the language so i think it works even if you don't know what the brand is it's like yes you're living that tequila life baby so you know whatever that brand i love i love tote bags i have too many and i just want more and more and more yeah i'm not saying i'm not just not taking away joy
and also it's a good toe bag because yes it is branded which is tacky but it says vita tequila and that means tequila life to anybody to anybody who speaks the language so i think it works even if you don't know what the brand is it's like yes you're living that tequila life baby so you know whatever that brand i love i love tote bags i have too many and i just want more and more and more yeah i'm not saying i'm not just not taking away joy
yeah i'm not trying to get a free vita tequila tote bag i'm just trying to send it to you so why not she's already she already owes about seven hundred thousand dollars to various vendors i'm sure she's got some of those lying around
yeah i'm not trying to get a free vita tequila tote bag i'm just trying to send it to you so why not she's already she already owes about seven hundred thousand dollars to various vendors i'm sure she's got some of those lying around
i mean i still have my bottle of vita tequila that i drink from every now and then so i need the tote bag to go with it lisa god lisa get on the ball lisa you're really slacking over there okay so then um bronwyn yeah does her thing okay so now they pack into the uh sprinter van and uh they're joking around about how bronwyn's chairs
i mean i still have my bottle of vita tequila that i drink from every now and then so i need the tote bag to go with it lisa god lisa get on the ball lisa you're really slacking over there okay so then um bronwyn yeah does her thing okay so now they pack into the uh sprinter van and uh they're joking around about how bronwyn's chairs
reclining back and they're like shaking her chair and then meredith just leans against the back seat and closes her eyes and just does a little thing
reclining back and they're like shaking her chair and then meredith just leans against the back seat and closes her eyes and just does a little thing
Speaking of pressure. So then Brittany is like, well, I'm not surprised that Meredith is exhausted today. And then we see a flashback where Heather is talking to Brittany. And Heather's like, how are things this morning? And then Brittany's like, well, I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Meredith crying and throwing up. Dun, dun, dun. Oh, she was definitely exhausted.
Speaking of pressure. So then Brittany is like, well, I'm not surprised that Meredith is exhausted today. And then we see a flashback where Heather is talking to Brittany. And Heather's like, how are things this morning? And then Brittany's like, well, I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Meredith crying and throwing up. Dun, dun, dun. Oh, she was definitely exhausted.
For decades, the human rights campaign has been at the forefront of the fight for equality in the face of discrimination and harassment.
For decades, the human rights campaign has been at the forefront of the fight for equality in the face of discrimination and harassment.
If you're ready to support the fight for equality, to donate today, visit hrc.org slash give. That's hrc.org slash g-i-v-e.
If you're ready to support the fight for equality, to donate today, visit hrc.org slash give. That's hrc.org slash g-i-v-e.
But there are some things that should stay drama-free.
But there are some things that should stay drama-free.
Healthcare shouldn't be dramatic, but lawmakers insist on attacking our rights to get the care we need and deserve.
Healthcare shouldn't be dramatic, but lawmakers insist on attacking our rights to get the care we need and deserve.
And then the girls get to a boat and it's called the best day. So they love that. And I'm like, oh my God, cheers to the best day ever. And they start dancing and Bronwyn won't dance. So they all dance for Bronwyn and it's awkward. It's as awkward and crackery as we would think. And then, let's see, Bronwyn's like, you know, who cares?
And then the girls get to a boat and it's called the best day. So they love that. And I'm like, oh my God, cheers to the best day ever. And they start dancing and Bronwyn won't dance. So they all dance for Bronwyn and it's awkward. It's as awkward and crackery as we would think. And then, let's see, Bronwyn's like, you know, who cares?
So then they start talking about summer plans and stuff like that.
So then they start talking about summer plans and stuff like that.
That's a collecting culture. And Heather's like, oh my God, what about the way he says Jean Paul Gaultier? And she's like, oh my God, he says it with like a French accent.
That's a collecting culture. And Heather's like, oh my God, what about the way he says Jean Paul Gaultier? And she's like, oh my God, he says it with like a French accent.
When she was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, guys, my daughter is finally talking to me. Well, Jared's not, so I called my daughter back for once. So that was, so then Lisa's like, wait, what? She goes, you know, last night when I was making that announcement, I was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, remember?
When she was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, guys, my daughter is finally talking to me. Well, Jared's not, so I called my daughter back for once. So that was, so then Lisa's like, wait, what? She goes, you know, last night when I was making that announcement, I was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, remember?
My daughter's finally talking to me after six months, literal crickets, guys.
My daughter's finally talking to me after six months, literal crickets, guys.
Are you talking about Rudy's replacement on the Cosby show? Because she wasn't as cute. Are we allowed to say that now as enough time passed?
Are you talking about Rudy's replacement on the Cosby show? Because she wasn't as cute. Are we allowed to say that now as enough time passed?
Was that her name, Olivia? Is that in my head? I'm going to put Rudy's replacement. What if I got that wrong? Are you talking about the mom from The Sopranos? Now, that would have been a cute replacement for Rudy.
Was that her name, Olivia? Is that in my head? I'm going to put Rudy's replacement. What if I got that wrong? Are you talking about the mom from The Sopranos? Now, that would have been a cute replacement for Rudy.
Yeah, she didn't replace Rudy, by the way. She just came on after Rudy. You guys, I'm falling down a Cosby show rabbit hole.
Yeah, she didn't replace Rudy, by the way. She just came on after Rudy. You guys, I'm falling down a Cosby show rabbit hole.
Olivia.
Olivia.
I don't remember. Yeah, hold on. Cosby. I don't want to say it wrong. You know what I mean? I was young when that show came out. You don't want to have a Judith Lieber moment. I get it. Do you remember when Olivia came out with Passports with jewels on them? There was an episode called The Cosby Show, Olivia Comes Out of the Closet. What the hell? You know what sitcom titles in the 80s, I can't.
I don't remember. Yeah, hold on. Cosby. I don't want to say it wrong. You know what I mean? I was young when that show came out. You don't want to have a Judith Lieber moment. I get it. Do you remember when Olivia came out with Passports with jewels on them? There was an episode called The Cosby Show, Olivia Comes Out of the Closet. What the hell? You know what sitcom titles in the 80s, I can't.
Yeah, Olivia Simone Kendall is a character in The Cosby Show. She's Denise Huxtable's precocious stepdaughter. Why doesn't it say that in big bold letters right at the beginning? Okay, Raven-Symoné, wow.
Yeah, Olivia Simone Kendall is a character in The Cosby Show. She's Denise Huxtable's precocious stepdaughter. Why doesn't it say that in big bold letters right at the beginning? Okay, Raven-Symoné, wow.
literally says it in big bold isn't that so funny that like i know i totally know who raven simone is i didn't know she was famous from that i just thought she was famous from that so raven that's when that was like uh yeah okay so who's cuter raven i just live here already
literally says it in big bold isn't that so funny that like i know i totally know who raven simone is i didn't know she was famous from that i just thought she was famous from that so raven that's when that was like uh yeah okay so who's cuter raven i just live here already
Great, great times, everybody. Wow. Yeah. Exciting times. All right. Yeah, let's get on with her, Ben. This is a video, as usual, over on Patreon, Krappens on Demand. Let's begin. We open in Puerto Vallarta, day two. Heather is in an oddly shaped swing outside of her room. You know, I love that people just keep trying to reinvent the swing.
Great, great times, everybody. Wow. Yeah. Exciting times. All right. Yeah, let's get on with her, Ben. This is a video, as usual, over on Patreon, Krappens on Demand. Let's begin. We open in Puerto Vallarta, day two. Heather is in an oddly shaped swing outside of her room. You know, I love that people just keep trying to reinvent the swing.
No, you're such a liar. Okay, I don't believe you're Google. No, I'm going to share you what I see on my Google so then I can look smart. I'm a screen sharer now. Who do you think is a screen sharer in this family? Me. I'm the screen sharer, so I'm going to show you right now. That's my wiener. Sorry, everybody. Okay, do you see my screen?
No, you're such a liar. Okay, I don't believe you're Google. No, I'm going to share you what I see on my Google so then I can look smart. I'm a screen sharer now. Who do you think is a screen sharer in this family? Me. I'm the screen sharer, so I'm going to show you right now. That's my wiener. Sorry, everybody. Okay, do you see my screen?
This is what... Wait, am I showing you... It's like an infinite loop on... Literally nobody cares. Are you guys still listening to this recap? I warned you not to. Why are you still here? Okay, look.
This is what... Wait, am I showing you... It's like an infinite loop on... Literally nobody cares. Are you guys still listening to this recap? I warned you not to. Why are you still here? Okay, look.
Wait, do you want to? Do you see it? Okay. Look, it just says all this stuff. It's like Cosby Show. This is who Olivia Kendall is. Cosby Show. Olivia comes out of the closet. Nowhere does it say Raven-Symoné. I feel like she should sue Google. Oh, played by Raven-Symoné right here. Okay, whatever. It's small. It's small, bold letters. Whatever, you guys. Get off my ass, okay? Judith Lieber.
Wait, do you want to? Do you see it? Okay. Look, it just says all this stuff. It's like Cosby Show. This is who Olivia Kendall is. Cosby Show. Olivia comes out of the closet. Nowhere does it say Raven-Symoné. I feel like she should sue Google. Oh, played by Raven-Symoné right here. Okay, whatever. It's small. It's small, bold letters. Whatever, you guys. Get off my ass, okay? Judith Lieber.
Ben, you don't know who Judith Lieber is.
Ben, you don't know who Judith Lieber is.
That's so Judith. Okay. Back to the show. Okay, so Brittany's like, yeah, I mean, come on, guys. No one's paying attention to me. And they're like, we don't even know your kid, you know? And she goes, yeah, and we weren't even talking about you. We were talking about Lisa's son.
That's so Judith. Okay. Back to the show. Okay, so Brittany's like, yeah, I mean, come on, guys. No one's paying attention to me. And they're like, we don't even know your kid, you know? And she goes, yeah, and we weren't even talking about you. We were talking about Lisa's son.
And she's like, well, I know, but last night when I made the announcement, and Angie's like, not to be rude, but we were just like in this moment about Henry and colognes and him being an only, and now you turned it onto you.
And she's like, well, I know, but last night when I made the announcement, and Angie's like, not to be rude, but we were just like in this moment about Henry and colognes and him being an only, and now you turned it onto you.
And Lucy goes, Brittany, Brittany, Brittany, I want to tell you something. What? It's weird.
And Lucy goes, Brittany, Brittany, Brittany, I want to tell you something. What? It's weird.
It's weird, Brittany.
It's weird, Brittany.
and britney nobody likes you and your stories are thirsty and attention grabbing and all you're trying to do is get attention you're a terrible person okay you're not even really dating that guy and your kids don't like you because you choose men over them okay you're a terrible mother and you're not a nice person so be quiet over there and stop dinging your goddamn glass okay jesus christ
and britney nobody likes you and your stories are thirsty and attention grabbing and all you're trying to do is get attention you're a terrible person okay you're not even really dating that guy and your kids don't like you because you choose men over them okay you're a terrible mother and you're not a nice person so be quiet over there and stop dinging your goddamn glass okay jesus christ
Ariel flopped around less. So Bronwyn's like, do you like the idea of telling us you have an announcement or do you just like the idea of seeing your daughter? And it's, which by the way, so good is so rude, but also so spot on of an analysis because all thinking that Brittany's always just trying to come up with an announcement to get congratulations.
Ariel flopped around less. So Bronwyn's like, do you like the idea of telling us you have an announcement or do you just like the idea of seeing your daughter? And it's, which by the way, so good is so rude, but also so spot on of an analysis because all thinking that Brittany's always just trying to come up with an announcement to get congratulations.
Oh, you, Lisa. She goes, I'm looking at you, Lisa, because she's not even going to let Brittany have this fight. She's like, we're not even going to fight with you. Now I'm going to fight with Lisa because you called me a fucking bitch and Lisa's not standing up for me.
Oh, you, Lisa. She goes, I'm looking at you, Lisa, because she's not even going to let Brittany have this fight. She's like, we're not even going to fight with you. Now I'm going to fight with Lisa because you called me a fucking bitch and Lisa's not standing up for me.
Look for sales on curated cheeses to create a grazing board everyone will love while the dinner's getting cooked. You're in the right place to get all the best accoutrement like nuts, dried fruit, and chocolate.
Look for sales on curated cheeses to create a grazing board everyone will love while the dinner's getting cooked. You're in the right place to get all the best accoutrement like nuts, dried fruit, and chocolate.
I don't really think it's something that needs to be reinvented that much. This one's a big, flat, round one. I didn't really understand it, but, you know, just cut my ass. You know what I mean? I don't want to feel like a blob on a teacup or a teacup coaster. I just want to feel like my butt is cupped, no matter its size.
I don't really think it's something that needs to be reinvented that much. This one's a big, flat, round one. I didn't really understand it, but, you know, just cut my ass. You know what I mean? I don't want to feel like a blob on a teacup or a teacup coaster. I just want to feel like my butt is cupped, no matter its size.
Yeah. So then, by the way, she does not defend Lisa. This is such crap. This is another lie at Bronwyn's that she's constantly defending Lisa. That is not true. She's very lightly been like, I don't have that experience with her. But she's never been like, don't speak to my friend like that. Don't speak about my friend like that.
Yeah. So then, by the way, she does not defend Lisa. This is such crap. This is another lie at Bronwyn's that she's constantly defending Lisa. That is not true. She's very lightly been like, I don't have that experience with her. But she's never been like, don't speak to my friend like that. Don't speak about my friend like that.
When everybody's coming at Lisa, which is every single episode, she's not like, you stop talking to Lisa like that. Liar, liar, liar. So then she's like, Lisa, we've been friends for 10 years and you have let this woman call me a gold digger, a trophy wife, a fucking bitch, a dumb bitch.
When everybody's coming at Lisa, which is every single episode, she's not like, you stop talking to Lisa like that. Liar, liar, liar. So then she's like, Lisa, we've been friends for 10 years and you have let this woman call me a gold digger, a trophy wife, a fucking bitch, a dumb bitch.
Lisa's like, ah, I let her do it. What? So Lisa's like, wait, what did I let her do? Wait, I'm not responsible for defending. So Lisa first is shocked, but then she's like, oh, I'm fighting now. Okay, sure.
Lisa's like, ah, I let her do it. What? So Lisa's like, wait, what did I let her do? Wait, I'm not responsible for defending. So Lisa first is shocked, but then she's like, oh, I'm fighting now. Okay, sure.
I have to say, you know, I think this is why Bronwyn falls a little flat with me is because this has been every season of this show. And I think that she's watched every season of this show and she's just pulling storylines that it's just like we've already seen it. Like we don't need your version of it. And it's ridiculous. It just doesn't make any sense.
I have to say, you know, I think this is why Bronwyn falls a little flat with me is because this has been every season of this show. And I think that she's watched every season of this show and she's just pulling storylines that it's just like we've already seen it. Like we don't need your version of it. And it's ridiculous. It just doesn't make any sense.
So, Lisa, in my humble, ever so humble opinion. So she was like, you and I had a private conversation when I have said to you, I feel vulnerable and I feel alone. And I have said to you multiple times, I've taken you aside by myself. And I've said that this is bullshit, but I've stuck up for you. I was like, oh, of course you have Lisa. And then Lisa's like, dude, I'm fucking exhausted with you.
So, Lisa, in my humble, ever so humble opinion. So she was like, you and I had a private conversation when I have said to you, I feel vulnerable and I feel alone. And I have said to you multiple times, I've taken you aside by myself. And I've said that this is bullshit, but I've stuck up for you. I was like, oh, of course you have Lisa. And then Lisa's like, dude, I'm fucking exhausted with you.
Like, I'm just like. I don't think she spoke for a lot of us. I was like, you're too, like, just be quiet. Can we just have one day of you not being offended? Just one hour of you not being offended by something.
Like, I'm just like. I don't think she spoke for a lot of us. I was like, you're too, like, just be quiet. Can we just have one day of you not being offended? Just one hour of you not being offended by something.
yeah well but she's earned it too meredith and have lisa meredith and lisa have been through more of the fire and this girl bronwyn is constantly you like whether you like or not like brahman and i know to lisa most to most people lisa is the villain you know and i wouldn't even disagree a lot of the times but bronwyn has
yeah well but she's earned it too meredith and have lisa meredith and lisa have been through more of the fire and this girl bronwyn is constantly you like whether you like or not like brahman and i know to lisa most to most people lisa is the villain you know and i wouldn't even disagree a lot of the times but bronwyn has
clearly been all over lisa this whole like she's been finding a reason to fight with lisa and turn everyone against lisa every episode this season so the fact that she's like how dare you i thought we were closer than this what are you talking about you've made yourself a victim like you're throwing yourself in front of lisa's car every episode just get out of the crosswalk ma'am eventually someone's just gonna drive over you you know cars are very strong a lot of people have been saying that lisa's been getting the villain at this season i don't know
clearly been all over lisa this whole like she's been finding a reason to fight with lisa and turn everyone against lisa every episode this season so the fact that she's like how dare you i thought we were closer than this what are you talking about you've made yourself a victim like you're throwing yourself in front of lisa's car every episode just get out of the crosswalk ma'am eventually someone's just gonna drive over you you know cars are very strong a lot of people have been saying that lisa's been getting the villain at this season i don't know
Yeah. But most, most people, I shouldn't say most people, what do I know? But a lot of people are driven crazy by that, you know, cause, but that's why I love it.
Yeah. But most, most people, I shouldn't say most people, what do I know? But a lot of people are driven crazy by that, you know, cause, but that's why I love it.
Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.
Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.
Hava Nagila Webber. Know Your Worth with Jason Kerr. Sip Some Scotch with Jessica Trotch.
Hava Nagila Webber. Know Your Worth with Jason Kerr. Sip Some Scotch with Jessica Trotch.
Kristen the Piston Anderson. Rigging the Funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She Gets an A from Us, it's Lindsay Dee. Let's Give a Kisserino to Lisa Lino. Always Killin' It, it's Lola Alcalani. We Love Her on the Rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.
Kristen the Piston Anderson. Rigging the Funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She Gets an A from Us, it's Lindsay Dee. Let's Give a Kisserino to Lisa Lino. Always Killin' It, it's Lola Alcalani. We Love Her on the Rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.
The highest tally, it's Sarah McNally.
The highest tally, it's Sarah McNally.
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We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.
We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.
Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose.
Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose.
She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Couture. We love you guys. If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.
She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Couture. We love you guys. If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.
Hey, yo, that's going to be my next tweet. Hey, yo, let's see how many people retweet it. That's the first time I'll ever go viral. Shut up. This is going to be my tweet. Shut up.
Hey, yo, that's going to be my next tweet. Hey, yo, let's see how many people retweet it. That's the first time I'll ever go viral. Shut up. This is going to be my tweet. Shut up.
She's like, there are a lot of animals roaming around the jungle here. It's just so beautiful, Todd. I wish you were here to see her with me.
She's like, there are a lot of animals roaming around the jungle here. It's just so beautiful, Todd. I wish you were here to see her with me.
Are you dying over the text I sent you last night? Well, here's what's going on here.
Are you dying over the text I sent you last night? Well, here's what's going on here.
I sent you a late-night text that was saying, Todd, I'm just very upset because Lisa asked me how I like the rooms, and I said, Lisa, I like the rooms, but I just can't believe that you wouldn't have me by you because I came to be with you, and then you put me in another room with other people, and I just don't understand. Oh, my God, you're going to give yourself a conniption fit.
I sent you a late-night text that was saying, Todd, I'm just very upset because Lisa asked me how I like the rooms, and I said, Lisa, I like the rooms, but I just can't believe that you wouldn't have me by you because I came to be with you, and then you put me in another room with other people, and I just don't understand. Oh, my God, you're going to give yourself a conniption fit.
it's not you're in a gorgeous room you're overlooking the ocean i've never heard anyone in my life especially on this show complain about being too far from lisa barlow everyone else is trying to get bus tickets the hell away from lisa barlow if they have to girl
it's not you're in a gorgeous room you're overlooking the ocean i've never heard anyone in my life especially on this show complain about being too far from lisa barlow everyone else is trying to get bus tickets the hell away from lisa barlow if they have to girl
i hit that bus but one time my mama put me on the bus and she said you're never getting off this bus and when you do it's gonna be a different mama that sees you when you get off because i'm done with you you can't even do a back stand what kind of carny are you loser and now every time i see a trolley i just have to hit it like oh for christ's sake can we just take responsibility
i hit that bus but one time my mama put me on the bus and she said you're never getting off this bus and when you do it's gonna be a different mama that sees you when you get off because i'm done with you you can't even do a back stand what kind of carny are you loser and now every time i see a trolley i just have to hit it like oh for christ's sake can we just take responsibility
Make Whole Foods Market your holiday headquarters. Have you ever found the house of your dreams only to learn it has dark secrets?
Make Whole Foods Market your holiday headquarters. Have you ever found the house of your dreams only to learn it has dark secrets?
We'll get to that.
We'll get to that.
When we talked about, this is her, like, I want to, I want to get the Rose episode. This is if anyone watches a bathroom, you always have to have your trauma to stay on the show. And when you're afraid you're going to get kicked off, this is when you bring up your trauma. They vary, and I'm sure most of them are real, but you save it up. I think they ask you in auditions.
When we talked about, this is her, like, I want to, I want to get the Rose episode. This is if anyone watches a bathroom, you always have to have your trauma to stay on the show. And when you're afraid you're going to get kicked off, this is when you bring up your trauma. They vary, and I'm sure most of them are real, but you save it up. I think they ask you in auditions.
You know, most people, like on Broadway, they'll be like, give me your best eight bars. And you come in and you're like, tomorrow. And you do that for five seconds. But in, like, reality TV, they say, give me your best eight bars, and you're like, mom beat me, dad left me, car broke down, brother looks, you know, brother's hotter than me. And they're like, okay. Goldfish died. Yeah. Great job.
You know, most people, like on Broadway, they'll be like, give me your best eight bars. And you come in and you're like, tomorrow. And you do that for five seconds. But in, like, reality TV, they say, give me your best eight bars, and you're like, mom beat me, dad left me, car broke down, brother looks, you know, brother's hotter than me. And they're like, okay. Goldfish died. Yeah. Great job.
We've already got a couple of mother deaths and father abandonments. Please move to the back next, please. Someone's like, um, an elf fucked my elbow in college. And...
We've already got a couple of mother deaths and father abandonments. Please move to the back next, please. Someone's like, um, an elf fucked my elbow in college. And...
Like, okay, that's good. That's it. Ding, ding, ding. Bring her in. And she's also dressed like a bunny in a bikini. Wow. All right.
Like, okay, that's good. That's it. Ding, ding, ding. Bring her in. And she's also dressed like a bunny in a bikini. Wow. All right.
She's just passing of flying colors. Fucking men, though. Isn't that the truth? I mean, men, it doesn't matter how old a man is. A man can have nipples dragging onto the ground, be a hairy-backed ape. And probably smell like, you know, milk that was spilt on a counter three weeks ago and still pull ass.
She's just passing of flying colors. Fucking men, though. Isn't that the truth? I mean, men, it doesn't matter how old a man is. A man can have nipples dragging onto the ground, be a hairy-backed ape. And probably smell like, you know, milk that was spilt on a counter three weeks ago and still pull ass.
I mean, they will still they might not get out of out of their easy chair for five days in a row, but their dick will still find a way. They could be impotent that we will tape a popsicle stick to the bottom of our dicks and still put it inside of things.
I mean, they will still they might not get out of out of their easy chair for five days in a row, but their dick will still find a way. They could be impotent that we will tape a popsicle stick to the bottom of our dicks and still put it inside of things.
But as the sellers discover, sometimes the home of your dreams can be a total nightmare.
But as the sellers discover, sometimes the home of your dreams can be a total nightmare.
and one of the daughters was tending to it carefully that's the that's the viagra of the past sticks that's how people started getting crooked dicks because they were they were you know tourniqueted around sticks you know so like nature just took over and started bending everywhere nature finds a way the point is that nature finds a way okay so back to the times before we knew that todd was a cheater um which is right now
and one of the daughters was tending to it carefully that's the that's the viagra of the past sticks that's how people started getting crooked dicks because they were they were you know tourniqueted around sticks you know so like nature just took over and started bending everywhere nature finds a way the point is that nature finds a way okay so back to the times before we knew that todd was a cheater um which is right now
So she sends that text to everybody. And yeah, so Bron was talking to Todd Bloss. Sorry, I forgot that. And it's like, and you know, and then, you know, she said, Lisa's talking about how beautiful the hotel is. And I'm like, it is beautiful. And I'm glad we're here, but I feel kind of a certain way about not rooming with you.
So she sends that text to everybody. And yeah, so Bron was talking to Todd Bloss. Sorry, I forgot that. And it's like, and you know, and then, you know, she said, Lisa's talking about how beautiful the hotel is. And I'm like, it is beautiful. And I'm glad we're here, but I feel kind of a certain way about not rooming with you.
And then it turned into this whole conversation of her insinuating, I'm not grateful to be here. And frankly, that I'm snobby. That never happened. That never fucking happened. You're a fucking liar, Bronwyn. And like you're enjoyable on this show. I'm enjoying Bronwyn on this show. I really am. But she's a fucking liar.
And then it turned into this whole conversation of her insinuating, I'm not grateful to be here. And frankly, that I'm snobby. That never happened. That never fucking happened. You're a fucking liar, Bronwyn. And like you're enjoyable on this show. I'm enjoying Bronwyn on this show. I really am. But she's a fucking liar.
And, you know, she's going to fit right in here because you've got this show of Whitney's. Well, Whitney, I guess, is the biggest liar.
And, you know, she's going to fit right in here because you've got this show of Whitney's. Well, Whitney, I guess, is the biggest liar.
She's just so offended. And that's a good quality in a housewife generally, but it's like every little thing, she's got a slower roll, you know? So Todd, you know, Todd's like, well, that's just a stupid thing to say. And I thought, God, Todd does really listen to this channel. Cause he knows James, James's famous song. You're a stupid thing to say. You're a stupid thing to say.
She's just so offended. And that's a good quality in a housewife generally, but it's like every little thing, she's got a slower roll, you know? So Todd, you know, Todd's like, well, that's just a stupid thing to say. And I thought, God, Todd does really listen to this channel. Cause he knows James, James's famous song. You're a stupid thing to say. You're a stupid thing to say.
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We should play that at the end of this episode, just in case people forgot it. James is an asshole, and he's canceled, and we're not trying to uncancel him, but he did have a real banger a few years ago. Ben's going to put it up later. You're a stupid thing to say. So then we go over to Whitney, and she's taking Angie and Heather to water aerobics.
We should play that at the end of this episode, just in case people forgot it. James is an asshole, and he's canceled, and we're not trying to uncancel him, but he did have a real banger a few years ago. Ben's going to put it up later. You're a stupid thing to say. So then we go over to Whitney, and she's taking Angie and Heather to water aerobics.
And she's like, every family vacation we go on, Justin insists that we go to water aerobics. And then we see a clip somehow of Justin at a pool in water aerobics. How much does the camera crew follow these people around that they have?
And she's like, every family vacation we go on, Justin insists that we go to water aerobics. And then we see a clip somehow of Justin at a pool in water aerobics. How much does the camera crew follow these people around that they have?
Come on.
Come on.
Her and Ray are acting like, They are talking to TMZ. The camera's right in their face. And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah. Being pulled over. You're welcome. You're welcome. Hello.
Her and Ray are acting like, They are talking to TMZ. The camera's right in their face. And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah. Being pulled over. You're welcome. You're welcome. Hello.
Do you have anything for me to sign? Is that what you'd like me to do? Sign something for me? No, no. You know, what's your name? And they show one where she's in the patrol car and she's asking the cop, what's your name? And he's like, I don't know. Rick, what's yours? And she's like, the granddad. He called me the granddad. That's what he called me. And he goes, the granddad?
Do you have anything for me to sign? Is that what you'd like me to do? Sign something for me? No, no. You know, what's your name? And they show one where she's in the patrol car and she's asking the cop, what's your name? And he's like, I don't know. Rick, what's yours? And she's like, the granddad. He called me the granddad. That's what he called me. And he goes, the granddad?
She just sounds horrible, because he doesn't know what she's talking about. She's like, yeah, your grandad, Andy Cohen gave it to me. Andy did it. Yo. Do you have a tissue?
She just sounds horrible, because he doesn't know what she's talking about. She's like, yeah, your grandad, Andy Cohen gave it to me. Andy did it. Yo. Do you have a tissue?
well yeah rebecca i mean i disagree that rebecca's bringing a lot either i mean i love her squint and everything but and i think it's fun to talk about her but i don't know that any new person has added a ton uh i agree about raquel like i really like her but here's the difference uh i think in what you're saying is that here's where i would disagree is i think that raquel has tried like she's tried getting in the mix she's like listen i don't like that aaron took all this information and twisted it and tried to make brent look bad and i'm making a stand
well yeah rebecca i mean i disagree that rebecca's bringing a lot either i mean i love her squint and everything but and i think it's fun to talk about her but i don't know that any new person has added a ton uh i agree about raquel like i really like her but here's the difference uh i think in what you're saying is that here's where i would disagree is i think that raquel has tried like she's tried getting in the mix she's like listen i don't like that aaron took all this information and twisted it and tried to make brent look bad and i'm making a stand
I love watching True Detective, and I actually haven't seen the Jodie Foster season, so I'm starting that tonight. I'm so excited to get into that.
I love watching True Detective, and I actually haven't seen the Jodie Foster season, so I'm starting that tonight. I'm so excited to get into that.
she did try to get on on that but it was such a stupid fight that it ended really fast because it was very confusing and then there was one other thing that she was willing to fight about and she tried it and it was just another stupid i was just so bad it's like you're coming into a cast where people don't really understand how to do it you know what i mean it's like being the supporting cast of a bunch of non-lead characters no one knows what they're doing on this show so she's trying but she doesn't have really anything to grab on to so i'm not going to blame her on that now the other ones
she did try to get on on that but it was such a stupid fight that it ended really fast because it was very confusing and then there was one other thing that she was willing to fight about and she tried it and it was just another stupid i was just so bad it's like you're coming into a cast where people don't really understand how to do it you know what i mean it's like being the supporting cast of a bunch of non-lead characters no one knows what they're doing on this show so she's trying but she doesn't have really anything to grab on to so i'm not going to blame her on that now the other ones
Psy is making an effort to be nice. And it's working, but it's like... Well, she needs to have a balance of both, right?
Psy is making an effort to be nice. And it's working, but it's like... Well, she needs to have a balance of both, right?
And I actually think- Because they're authentically boring. I mean, we've seen, we know tons of people like that. I know people say that about LA people all the time, that LA people are really fake. And I bet a lot of them, and they are, but then you know them for a while. When you do know a lot of that type for a while, it's like, oh, they are fake, but that's who they are.
And I actually think- Because they're authentically boring. I mean, we've seen, we know tons of people like that. I know people say that about LA people all the time, that LA people are really fake. And I bet a lot of them, and they are, but then you know them for a while. When you do know a lot of that type for a while, it's like, oh, they are fake, but that's who they are.
That's why they're here. They're attracted to being here. They're like moths that just like beat up against the light. They're just stupid. And they're they just want they're all exactly the same. And that's all they want to be. And that's all they care about being. And they just care about getting into the light. It's like they're idiots, but they're not fake. That's just who they are.
That's why they're here. They're attracted to being here. They're like moths that just like beat up against the light. They're just stupid. And they're they just want they're all exactly the same. And that's all they want to be. And that's all they care about being. And they just care about getting into the light. It's like they're idiots, but they're not fake. That's just who they are.
You know what I mean? So they're, you know, they're just not, they're authentically not interesting.
You know what I mean? So they're, you know, they're just not, they're authentically not interesting.
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Okay. Well, we're, you know, that's, that's a huge treatise to write. when we still got an hour left. So let's keep, let's keep on. Let's keep on.
Okay. Well, we're, you know, that's, that's a huge treatise to write. when we still got an hour left. So let's keep, let's keep on. Let's keep on.
So also, but I know that when people are, and I didn't mean you, I meant us, but I know that when people are really into a show and you come to Krappens, you want it to all be fun and us kind of like loving, even if we're hating it, like loving, and we do, we still have fun doing it, but I'm sorry, I'm not gonna fake it. This show's stupid. So if you don't like listening to it, I don't blame you.
So also, but I know that when people are, and I didn't mean you, I meant us, but I know that when people are really into a show and you come to Krappens, you want it to all be fun and us kind of like loving, even if we're hating it, like loving, and we do, we still have fun doing it, but I'm sorry, I'm not gonna fake it. This show's stupid. So if you don't like listening to it, I don't blame you.
Just skip to a different episode because I'm not giving you what you want.
Just skip to a different episode because I'm not giving you what you want.
Audible's best of 2024 picks are here.
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Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984.
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I have credit. I have credit.
I have credit. I have credit.
Especially when it's told by a full cast like that. Like, it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know?
Especially when it's told by a full cast like that. Like, it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know?
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Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?
Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?
So then they try. And Sai's like, well, let me tell you something.
So then they try. And Sai's like, well, let me tell you something.
I was like, oh, God damn it. Did Sai talk about reading headlines? I'm sorry. I'm scrolling. I'm scrolling through the news and trying to watch his show at the same time.
I was like, oh, God damn it. Did Sai talk about reading headlines? I'm sorry. I'm scrolling. I'm scrolling through the news and trying to watch his show at the same time.
Yeah. So I had to rewind it. But apparently Jenna was telling Cy that she has to get waxed because the hair on her vagina is straight like a wet cat. So now we get to talk about Jenna's pubic hair being wacky.
Yeah. So I had to rewind it. But apparently Jenna was telling Cy that she has to get waxed because the hair on her vagina is straight like a wet cat. So now we get to talk about Jenna's pubic hair being wacky.
That's outrageous, everyone. So they do that for a while.
That's outrageous, everyone. So they do that for a while.
And Jenna's like, wow, I just can't believe I'm talking about this on national television.
And Jenna's like, wow, I just can't believe I'm talking about this on national television.
We are like so funny. This was definitely a Ramona pooping in a closet in Mexico moment.
We are like so funny. This was definitely a Ramona pooping in a closet in Mexico moment.
The air conditioning is on. So Psy goes to Uba's room to hang out, but Uba has put a nightstand in front of the door. He's like, what are you doing?
The air conditioning is on. So Psy goes to Uba's room to hang out, but Uba has put a nightstand in front of the door. He's like, what are you doing?
there's no lock in this room so that's what i do i do the same thing when i check into a hotel not only i put the lock but if i'm sleeping alone i move the fridge and i put it there doesn't feel like that's up to code but that's mine good luck to you so she's the first person to see the hotel too when there's a fire and she can't get out in time you didn't make refrigerators move easier from the inside terrible
there's no lock in this room so that's what i do i do the same thing when i check into a hotel not only i put the lock but if i'm sleeping alone i move the fridge and i put it there doesn't feel like that's up to code but that's mine good luck to you so she's the first person to see the hotel too when there's a fire and she can't get out in time you didn't make refrigerators move easier from the inside terrible
What? Sorry, scrolling. So then Raquel is on the phone calling her mom to make sure she's going to come. And the mom says she's going to come, but Raquel's like, I don't know if she's going to come. And so Cy comes in and, you know, they're talking about coffee and getting coffee and stuff like that. Everybody starts gathering in the kitchen basically.
What? Sorry, scrolling. So then Raquel is on the phone calling her mom to make sure she's going to come. And the mom says she's going to come, but Raquel's like, I don't know if she's going to come. And so Cy comes in and, you know, they're talking about coffee and getting coffee and stuff like that. Everybody starts gathering in the kitchen basically.
So Raquel's like, I don't even know how to use it.
So Raquel's like, I don't even know how to use it.
yeah so she's like what will you drink coffee no you drink tea right she's like i don't drink coffee i drink tea yeah yeah i was like this show seriously give it 10 more seasons okay so then um they start talking about their moms because raquel's nervous because she hasn't seen her mom and so it's like i'm so confused why haven't you seen your mom in 10 years
yeah so she's like what will you drink coffee no you drink tea right she's like i don't drink coffee i drink tea yeah yeah i was like this show seriously give it 10 more seasons okay so then um they start talking about their moms because raquel's nervous because she hasn't seen her mom and so it's like i'm so confused why haven't you seen your mom in 10 years
And she's like, well, you know, she didn't want me coming out here after COVID. And then I had stuff going on and now she doesn't want to come to New York. And so she's telling us that her mom was making excuses. Like first she was saying it's because she has dogs and she can't find a dog sitter and she won't bring her dog. And then she has anxiety and then this and that.
And she's like, well, you know, she didn't want me coming out here after COVID. And then I had stuff going on and now she doesn't want to come to New York. And so she's telling us that her mom was making excuses. Like first she was saying it's because she has dogs and she can't find a dog sitter and she won't bring her dog. And then she has anxiety and then this and that.
And Raquel's convinced that if she's still married to a man, this wouldn't be happening.
And Raquel's convinced that if she's still married to a man, this wouldn't be happening.
I was like, I'm so sorry, but this is more mother trauma. This is what the show did not need was another traumatic mother story. We've got literally 10 traumatic mother storylines. Get something new, okay? I need a new factory line of trauma. If you're going to bring me trauma, at least give me fresh fucking trauma.
I was like, I'm so sorry, but this is more mother trauma. This is what the show did not need was another traumatic mother story. We've got literally 10 traumatic mother storylines. Get something new, okay? I need a new factory line of trauma. If you're going to bring me trauma, at least give me fresh fucking trauma.
So then Sai is talking about how, you know, it was really rough with her mom being a drug addict. And, you know, her husband was like, why do you keep having her back in her life? And you're like, well, it's my mom. You know, and even though your mom morphs into somebody different, it's still your mom.
So then Sai is talking about how, you know, it was really rough with her mom being a drug addict. And, you know, her husband was like, why do you keep having her back in her life? And you're like, well, it's my mom. You know, and even though your mom morphs into somebody different, it's still your mom.
And she's like, you know, and now like I feel a void coming to Puerto Rico because she still resents that her mom gave up on life for drugs. And she gave up on her for drugs, which I think is fair and normal and fair. And so, you know, basically they're like, let's break the cycle.
And she's like, you know, and now like I feel a void coming to Puerto Rico because she still resents that her mom gave up on life for drugs. And she gave up on her for drugs, which I think is fair and normal and fair. And so, you know, basically they're like, let's break the cycle.
I'm like you guys should break the cycle you guys should break the cycle of talking about this on every single episode because literally I can't I can't it's very sad for Psy I appreciate her emotional honesty but just listening to you I'm like it's not oh it's just enough because here's the thing and I think it's kind of a generational thing because and it's not not really because Raquel is of art of a generation above ours
I'm like you guys should break the cycle you guys should break the cycle of talking about this on every single episode because literally I can't I can't it's very sad for Psy I appreciate her emotional honesty but just listening to you I'm like it's not oh it's just enough because here's the thing and I think it's kind of a generational thing because and it's not not really because Raquel is of art of a generation above ours
But I think, oh yeah, maybe she is. Yeah, she is. And I think, but anyway, the point is it's a modern thing to just like define yourself by whatever your trauma is and to have to trauma. It's like you give each other awards based on your trauma. Congratulations. We all fucking have it.
But I think, oh yeah, maybe she is. Yeah, she is. And I think, but anyway, the point is it's a modern thing to just like define yourself by whatever your trauma is and to have to trauma. It's like you give each other awards based on your trauma. Congratulations. We all fucking have it.
I think, you know, and I say this a lot on this show, especially recapping New York, but can we just start defining ourselves on our triumphs and what we got over and not what we're,
I think, you know, and I say this a lot on this show, especially recapping New York, but can we just start defining ourselves on our triumphs and what we got over and not what we're,
traumatized by constantly i just it's so boring the leaves you ate at the top of the tree you did it get your leaves girl get your leaves and that's not to discount their trauma or say it's not important i get that it's important but nobody wants to sit here and listen to mine i can sit here for an hour and a half and give it nobody would listen to that shit entertain me i'm coming to you to get away from my trauma okay not to get in the hot tub full years
traumatized by constantly i just it's so boring the leaves you ate at the top of the tree you did it get your leaves girl get your leaves and that's not to discount their trauma or say it's not important i get that it's important but nobody wants to sit here and listen to mine i can sit here for an hour and a half and give it nobody would listen to that shit entertain me i'm coming to you to get away from my trauma okay not to get in the hot tub full years
Right. So basically now everybody starts gathering and talking about pooping and coffee. And then so Jenna comes in and she tells Rebecca, wait, I have a very real question for you. And Rebecca's like, I have a very real answer for you. So you can suck my dick, Bren. She goes, okay, you need to drop that now. Okay. But here's what my question actually is. Are you going to get into it with Bren?
Right. So basically now everybody starts gathering and talking about pooping and coffee. And then so Jenna comes in and she tells Rebecca, wait, I have a very real question for you. And Rebecca's like, I have a very real answer for you. So you can suck my dick, Bren. She goes, okay, you need to drop that now. Okay. But here's what my question actually is. Are you going to get into it with Bren?
Cause like, I'm just waiting for it. Cause like she's coming at you and it's exciting. I'm really starting to be on this, enjoy being on this show. I love that Jenna's like enjoying the mess now.
Cause like, I'm just waiting for it. Cause like she's coming at you and it's exciting. I'm really starting to be on this, enjoy being on this show. I love that Jenna's like enjoying the mess now.
Yeah, exactly. And she goes, yeah, it's how you deal with a child having a tantrum. So she was like, everyone thinks I'm bending it over and taking it up the ass. And they do. And it cuts to all the other ladies. Jessel's like, I want her to be Rebecca Minkoff, the big boss bitch. But instead it's giving elementary school like, you're the bully. No, you're the bully. No, you're the bully.
Yeah, exactly. And she goes, yeah, it's how you deal with a child having a tantrum. So she was like, everyone thinks I'm bending it over and taking it up the ass. And they do. And it cuts to all the other ladies. Jessel's like, I want her to be Rebecca Minkoff, the big boss bitch. But instead it's giving elementary school like, you're the bully. No, you're the bully. No, you're the bully.
I'm the one with vagina hair.
I'm the one with vagina hair.
It's bad that everybody calls her a sugar baby, but then the only person she can think of getting sperm from is someone she claims is a billionaire. And then Rebecca's like, oh, now I can understand why Brynn's upset with me because she wants the baby.
It's bad that everybody calls her a sugar baby, but then the only person she can think of getting sperm from is someone she claims is a billionaire. And then Rebecca's like, oh, now I can understand why Brynn's upset with me because she wants the baby.
And as someone who didn't get pregnant right away, I fully empathize with that journey, you know, but just don't poke because you'll be leaking out of enough holes soon enough.
And as someone who didn't get pregnant right away, I fully empathize with that journey, you know, but just don't poke because you'll be leaking out of enough holes soon enough.
So then Rebecca's like, but why do people play these games? That's my question. And Jessa's like, yeah, I have better things to do with my time, right? Like, I have an empire to run, right? And Rebecca just flicks her hair like, I sure do. So then Sai and Uba are talking about, they're just taking pictures of each other, you know, which is... what they do on this show.
So then Rebecca's like, but why do people play these games? That's my question. And Jessa's like, yeah, I have better things to do with my time, right? Like, I have an empire to run, right? And Rebecca just flicks her hair like, I sure do. So then Sai and Uba are talking about, they're just taking pictures of each other, you know, which is... what they do on this show.
And then Marian, the mom and the boyfriend Santiago are arriving and they come in and they hug and hug. And Raquel's like, it's been a while since I hugged my mom. It just feels so good. I hope this homophobic love hug lasts forever. And it's cute. And the mom's sweet. The mom does give a little sigh to me personally, which is cute because I'm liking sigh this season.
And then Marian, the mom and the boyfriend Santiago are arriving and they come in and they hug and hug. And Raquel's like, it's been a while since I hugged my mom. It just feels so good. I hope this homophobic love hug lasts forever. And it's cute. And the mom's sweet. The mom does give a little sigh to me personally, which is cute because I'm liking sigh this season.
So she's there and she's like, wow, great.
So she's there and she's like, wow, great.
The mom's going to rip off her sweater later when she gets mad, and there's going to be a don't tread on me shirt underneath.
The mom's going to rip off her sweater later when she gets mad, and there's going to be a don't tread on me shirt underneath.
it's like erica from beverly hills we were talking about this earlier she's like my mother that abusive she ruined my life as a child by not appreciating me in the school plane now look at me and then her mom comes in she's like hi honey i love you so much i support whatever you do god damn it
it's like erica from beverly hills we were talking about this earlier she's like my mother that abusive she ruined my life as a child by not appreciating me in the school plane now look at me and then her mom comes in she's like hi honey i love you so much i support whatever you do god damn it
That's what I say. So they're talking about that. And then Brynn comes in and she's like, good morning, my little vampire. And kisses Jenna on the lips. And the mom is like, whoa. And then Uber's like, wow, did she kiss her on the lips? So I was like, that's bizarre. That's fucking weird. So then Uber's like, did you kiss Brynn on the lips? She said you're kissing on the lips.
That's what I say. So they're talking about that. And then Brynn comes in and she's like, good morning, my little vampire. And kisses Jenna on the lips. And the mom is like, whoa. And then Uber's like, wow, did she kiss her on the lips? So I was like, that's bizarre. That's fucking weird. So then Uber's like, did you kiss Brynn on the lips? She said you're kissing on the lips.
And Jenna's like, yeah, she always kisses me on the lips. I mean, listen, she doesn't have a man. And then Jenna tries to kiss Sy. And then she kisses Uber on the lips. And then Aaron on the lips. And the mom's just like, uh.
And Jenna's like, yeah, she always kisses me on the lips. I mean, listen, she doesn't have a man. And then Jenna tries to kiss Sy. And then she kisses Uber on the lips. And then Aaron on the lips. And the mom's just like, uh.
I think Parvitt's done that. Hold on, let me call Parvitt. Parvitt, have you dipped your toe in a lady pond? oh oh all right no he's dipped his bond me into ranch dressing before and really like that you can check it out on his latest instagram post what we'll be talking about
I think Parvitt's done that. Hold on, let me call Parvitt. Parvitt, have you dipped your toe in a lady pond? oh oh all right no he's dipped his bond me into ranch dressing before and really like that you can check it out on his latest instagram post what we'll be talking about
More of this. So your daughter is what badly behaved? No, it was an actual devastating hurricane. Oh.
More of this. So your daughter is what badly behaved? No, it was an actual devastating hurricane. Oh.
They name hurricanes. Do they? Wow. Wish I could name a hurricane. Have they met my children? I'd name it Katie, and then I'd ask it every day. Hurricane, does Tom Cruise miss you? I would know if we went to the proper preschool.
They name hurricanes. Do they? Wow. Wish I could name a hurricane. Have they met my children? I'd name it Katie, and then I'd ask it every day. Hurricane, does Tom Cruise miss you? I would know if we went to the proper preschool.
They're like, read the newspaper, Jessel. Jesus.
They're like, read the newspaper, Jessel. Jesus.
Which is pretty funny. And so then Aaron's like, hey guys, wait for Carrothead. Okay, here comes Carrothead. She's like, Jessel lives in Jesselton, which is kind of like Bridgerton, where you're always getting ready for a ball. So like, she doesn't know what's going on, right? Because like, have you seen the show Bridgerton? Because it's like that. But it's like Jessel. So it's like Jesselton.
Which is pretty funny. And so then Aaron's like, hey guys, wait for Carrothead. Okay, here comes Carrothead. She's like, Jessel lives in Jesselton, which is kind of like Bridgerton, where you're always getting ready for a ball. So like, she doesn't know what's going on, right? Because like, have you seen the show Bridgerton? Because it's like that. But it's like Jessel. So it's like Jesselton.
So...
So...
So then they talk about the hurricane. We're like cracking up. Okay, let's go back to Hurricane Maria. Back to Hurricane Maria, guys. So they talk about how devastating it was, how there was no electricity, no water, the federal government fucked them over.
So then they talk about the hurricane. We're like cracking up. Okay, let's go back to Hurricane Maria. Back to Hurricane Maria, guys. So they talk about how devastating it was, how there was no electricity, no water, the federal government fucked them over.
your favorite quotes is there anything else ronnie that we should have people uh what we should crowdsource from the people on this oh we will we'll be adding some stuff up in the next few days for sure yeah but those are the things that we need the most help with is jogging our memory on that sort of stuff yeah yeah so just whatever whatever is the most fun because you know we delete from our brains our dvrs uh in our brains as these seasons end so of course everybody's giving us the quote um high body count here
your favorite quotes is there anything else ronnie that we should have people uh what we should crowdsource from the people on this oh we will we'll be adding some stuff up in the next few days for sure yeah but those are the things that we need the most help with is jogging our memory on that sort of stuff yeah yeah so just whatever whatever is the most fun because you know we delete from our brains our dvrs uh in our brains as these seasons end so of course everybody's giving us the quote um high body count here
So then they get changed because they're going to go out, right? So they're going to go to Old San Juan. And the mom's like, I'm not going in the hot weather. What are you kidding me? And Raquel's like, well, can we just pull out your iPad? Cause I want to try and set it up quickly so the kids can FaceTime you. And she's like, oh my God. So my kids want to meet that or want to see her.
So then they get changed because they're going to go out, right? So they're going to go to Old San Juan. And the mom's like, I'm not going in the hot weather. What are you kidding me? And Raquel's like, well, can we just pull out your iPad? Cause I want to try and set it up quickly so the kids can FaceTime you. And she's like, oh my God. So my kids want to meet that or want to see her.
And she's like, no. And I'm like, but they've missed out on so many memories and she can't even set up her iPad. Like, come on. And she's like, mom, did you charge it? She's like, I did. She goes, it's not charged.
And she's like, no. And I'm like, but they've missed out on so many memories and she can't even set up her iPad. Like, come on. And she's like, mom, did you charge it? She's like, I did. She goes, it's not charged.
It's because it's fresh out of the box. But that's also taking things really personally that aren't personal. Like, mom, you haven't seen my kids and you can't even charge their iPad.
It's because it's fresh out of the box. But that's also taking things really personally that aren't personal. Like, mom, you haven't seen my kids and you can't even charge their iPad.
Where are they on that? Straw your kid. I'll talk to it.
Where are they on that? Straw your kid. I'll talk to it.
I'm starting to think that older people, my parents included, just they understand it. They just don't want to. Like my mom will send me a text that says, call me.
I'm starting to think that older people, my parents included, just they understand it. They just don't want to. Like my mom will send me a text that says, call me.
I have to call her. It's like it's hard for her to do. It's like, I can never find your, you know, the proper number. I don't know where to. It's like, just what? And then you call. Yes. And it's the Apple TV, which is kind of confusing even to me sometimes. It's like, why is the screen black for 10 minutes at a time on every one that I own? So just updating. It just doesn't tell you.
I have to call her. It's like it's hard for her to do. It's like, I can never find your, you know, the proper number. I don't know where to. It's like, just what? And then you call. Yes. And it's the Apple TV, which is kind of confusing even to me sometimes. It's like, why is the screen black for 10 minutes at a time on every one that I own? So just updating. It just doesn't tell you.
Anyway, but yeah, I think there's just some point where it's like, you're my child. And if I want you to update my iPad, you're going to do it. And that's it.
Anyway, but yeah, I think there's just some point where it's like, you're my child. And if I want you to update my iPad, you're going to do it. And that's it.
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just saying that she's saying that they're just we're not very emotional just would soldier on all right so then um basically the raquel and her mom are looking through pictures on the phone and you know talking about the heart palpitations and raquel's like maybe it's time to come to new york mom and she's like what get on a plane what if i have a nervous problem a heart problem i got to get on a plane like i have a fear of flying you know that
just saying that she's saying that they're just we're not very emotional just would soldier on all right so then um basically the raquel and her mom are looking through pictures on the phone and you know talking about the heart palpitations and raquel's like maybe it's time to come to new york mom and she's like what get on a plane what if i have a nervous problem a heart problem i got to get on a plane like i have a fear of flying you know that
Of course it's going to be on there. It was a great quote. But it's the most recent. So think back. Think back to what was on last January. And let's start going from there, guys. So maybe we should do like a big list of all the shows that have aired on Bravo and put that on Instagram and be like, here you go.
Of course it's going to be on there. It was a great quote. But it's the most recent. So think back. Think back to what was on last January. And let's start going from there, guys. So maybe we should do like a big list of all the shows that have aired on Bravo and put that on Instagram and be like, here you go.
She's like, but you'll be fine, you know? And she's like, I hope we can take a step forward. So then, you know, the mom's not going to San Juan. Old San Juan. So they go without her. And then we go to shopping. Old San Juan.
She's like, but you'll be fine, you know? And she's like, I hope we can take a step forward. So then, you know, the mom's not going to San Juan. Old San Juan. So they go without her. And then we go to shopping. Old San Juan.
yeah um so then um Bryn's like uh sorry it was literally Bryn's like insurers are deserting homeowners as climate shocks worsen literally in the recap I was like CDC confirms first case of severe bird flu I was like oh no and I was like you're doing a recap Ronnie I have the headlines open just to read during this recap and I actually started reading them
yeah um so then um Bryn's like uh sorry it was literally Bryn's like insurers are deserting homeowners as climate shocks worsen literally in the recap I was like CDC confirms first case of severe bird flu I was like oh no and I was like you're doing a recap Ronnie I have the headlines open just to read during this recap and I actually started reading them
bird flu come on that's not fair we're still we just got through a pandemic you know what but that's why i didn't even believe the pandemic at first because it's always like bird flow every year it's like oh my god it's coming again here it comes and i'm like bird flu never gets me you know what i mean they've been threatening me with bird flu for 20 years now stop it it's every year you've got to come up with something new to scare me so then they did and they were like maybe it's like the bird flu i was like i'm not scared and then look what happened you know
bird flu come on that's not fair we're still we just got through a pandemic you know what but that's why i didn't even believe the pandemic at first because it's always like bird flow every year it's like oh my god it's coming again here it comes and i'm like bird flu never gets me you know what i mean they've been threatening me with bird flu for 20 years now stop it it's every year you've got to come up with something new to scare me so then they did and they were like maybe it's like the bird flu i was like i'm not scared and then look what happened you know
Which was terrible. So anyway, Maria, right? God, Hurricane Maria. Those were the days. So then Uba and Sy are shopping together and it's wacky. Literally nothing happens for a while. Can we just scroll till something happens? Because this was terrible.
Which was terrible. So anyway, Maria, right? God, Hurricane Maria. Those were the days. So then Uba and Sy are shopping together and it's wacky. Literally nothing happens for a while. Can we just scroll till something happens? Because this was terrible.
Let's go to the big pic portion. Okay.
Let's go to the big pic portion. Okay.
yeah go for it i think we'll we'll we'll we will um we'll figure it's gonna be fun we're gonna do a lot more um if you guys being involved in this so anyway just check our social uh instagram watch what crappens.com we'll leave stuff up there also this is on video today on crappens on demand on patreon it's also where you can listen to our bonus episodes
yeah go for it i think we'll we'll we'll we will um we'll figure it's gonna be fun we're gonna do a lot more um if you guys being involved in this so anyway just check our social uh instagram watch what crappens.com we'll leave stuff up there also this is on video today on crappens on demand on patreon it's also where you can listen to our bonus episodes
They're cracking up. She's like, sure, honey, take an Uber Black. I mean, Jesus. Like, this is New York City. Take a train, you know? You can cry all you want. No one will look your way, you know? So then they're shopping around, and she goes, I want to buy my husband something. He's a large. And Brynn goes, oh, my God, your husband's large? Okay. Yeah.
They're cracking up. She's like, sure, honey, take an Uber Black. I mean, Jesus. Like, this is New York City. Take a train, you know? You can cry all you want. No one will look your way, you know? So then they're shopping around, and she goes, I want to buy my husband something. He's a large. And Brynn goes, oh, my God, your husband's large? Okay. Yeah.
And Jenna's like, I don't think there's anything large about Abe, but that's okay. Sorry. And Aaron goes, what? And she goes, yeah, she said Abe's the large. And then I'm like, I don't think there's anything large about this show.
And Jenna's like, I don't think there's anything large about Abe, but that's okay. Sorry. And Aaron goes, what? And she goes, yeah, she said Abe's the large. And then I'm like, I don't think there's anything large about this show.
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Yeah.
Yeah.
And so Aaron's like, oh. She's triple baby. She's triple baby. Baby seal. Baby seal. So then she whips out the dick pic and Aaron's like, so do you think this is small? And Jenna's like, whoa, whoa, I take it back. Wow, wow, Abe, wow.
And so Aaron's like, oh. She's triple baby. She's triple baby. Baby seal. Baby seal. So then she whips out the dick pic and Aaron's like, so do you think this is small? And Jenna's like, whoa, whoa, I take it back. Wow, wow, Abe, wow.
So they sit there talking about his wiener for a while. And Aaron's like, that's why I have a lot of sex.
So they sit there talking about his wiener for a while. And Aaron's like, that's why I have a lot of sex.
But yeah, he would have an issue. Then I guess it would be an issue. I don't really care. I mean, the internet's pretty outraged about it. I don't care. I'm like, wow, at least people are getting worked up over something on this show. That's good. But like, I don't care. And I have a feeling that they probably swing or do something where they're or at the very least share dick pic.
But yeah, he would have an issue. Then I guess it would be an issue. I don't really care. I mean, the internet's pretty outraged about it. I don't care. I'm like, wow, at least people are getting worked up over something on this show. That's good. But like, I don't care. And I have a feeling that they probably swing or do something where they're or at the very least share dick pic.
Like she probably shares dick pics with her friends all the time. You know what I mean? Like some people are just like that. I don't know. Maybe we get it more because we're gay and it's not that big of a deal.
Like she probably shares dick pics with her friends all the time. You know what I mean? Like some people are just like that. I don't know. Maybe we get it more because we're gay and it's not that big of a deal.
Of Sold on SLC, which is what we're covering right now exclusively. So good. The first episode we're going to re-release on the main feed next week at Christmas just so people can get a taste. And then if you want it, come over and listen to it over on Patreon. And I think that's it for now. Right, Ben? It feels good. Feels good. Why don't we dive into New York last week? We're alive right now.
Of Sold on SLC, which is what we're covering right now exclusively. So good. The first episode we're going to re-release on the main feed next week at Christmas just so people can get a taste. And then if you want it, come over and listen to it over on Patreon. And I think that's it for now. Right, Ben? It feels good. Feels good. Why don't we dive into New York last week? We're alive right now.
so they talk about they touch each other's boobs and stuff like that because that's literally all we have on this show and then they start ordering some drinks and talking about what they bought shopping and bring us oh i got a dick pic i didn't even have to pay i mean this girl like she's just so obnoxious like can you just make it two seconds without like spoiling the plot
so they talk about they touch each other's boobs and stuff like that because that's literally all we have on this show and then they start ordering some drinks and talking about what they bought shopping and bring us oh i got a dick pic i didn't even have to pay i mean this girl like she's just so obnoxious like can you just make it two seconds without like spoiling the plot
Like, why does this have to be your plot? Like, you can't just hang out with your friends without throwing them under the bus within five seconds. It's like the first thing you do is throw your friend under the bus. It's just tiresome, man. It's like just an annoying fucking person. Like, who is even friends with this person? She's just annoying.
Like, why does this have to be your plot? Like, you can't just hang out with your friends without throwing them under the bus within five seconds. It's like the first thing you do is throw your friend under the bus. It's just tiresome, man. It's like just an annoying fucking person. Like, who is even friends with this person? She's just annoying.
She's like, I don't got dick pics of David. I was trying to get meat mail, but he won't send it to me. And Jessel's like, if the tables were turned and Abe was going around showing pictures of Aaron's giant clit, I don't know, there would be a lot more sleepy people falling asleep to Aaron's clit because you know it's boring. Yeah.
She's like, I don't got dick pics of David. I was trying to get meat mail, but he won't send it to me. And Jessel's like, if the tables were turned and Abe was going around showing pictures of Aaron's giant clit, I don't know, there would be a lot more sleepy people falling asleep to Aaron's clit because you know it's boring. Yeah.
And then everyone's like- Yeah, this group is not like Jessel and Brynn. Because Jessel and Brynn were like, oh my God, this is amazing. And this group's like, gross. Why would you do that? And also it's funny because this is the group that's constantly taking each other's pictures and trying to get attention.
And then everyone's like- Yeah, this group is not like Jessel and Brynn. Because Jessel and Brynn were like, oh my God, this is amazing. And this group's like, gross. Why would you do that? And also it's funny because this is the group that's constantly taking each other's pictures and trying to get attention.
So you would think that they would be the group that's like, oh my God, a dick pic, awesome. But they're like, no, gross, tasteless, classless.
So you would think that they would be the group that's like, oh my God, a dick pic, awesome. But they're like, no, gross, tasteless, classless.
well yeah and also of course it was inappropriate to share your husband's dick you weirdo like sorry don't make that someone else's fault it was your weird you know it was your weird choice so she's like now i'm questioning myself like should i not have shown my girlfriends my girlfriends a picture of a dick pic like i'm a girl's girl we do this um so brent's like i mean it was tasteful
well yeah and also of course it was inappropriate to share your husband's dick you weirdo like sorry don't make that someone else's fault it was your weird you know it was your weird choice so she's like now i'm questioning myself like should i not have shown my girlfriends my girlfriends a picture of a dick pic like i'm a girl's girl we do this um so brent's like i mean it was tasteful
And Jenna's like, it was fantastic. Really. It was so good. I mean, artistically, the mushroom. It was good. And Aaron's like, well, Cy doesn't believe it. And Cy's like, I don't give a fuck what size it is. I don't care if it's small or big. That's your thing. That's your baby. Like, you know what I mean? And Aaron goes, that's a dick. It's not my baby. She goes, that's your man.
And Jenna's like, it was fantastic. Really. It was so good. I mean, artistically, the mushroom. It was good. And Aaron's like, well, Cy doesn't believe it. And Cy's like, I don't give a fuck what size it is. I don't care if it's small or big. That's your thing. That's your baby. Like, you know what I mean? And Aaron goes, that's a dick. It's not my baby. She goes, that's your man.
That's what I'm saying. It's none of my business.
That's what I'm saying. It's none of my business.
So she takes a picture of her ugly feet under the table and then starts showing people the side by side of their pictures.
So she takes a picture of her ugly feet under the table and then starts showing people the side by side of their pictures.
And Rebecca was like, oh, wonderful. And so Aaron's like, oh my God, she sent that to the whole group. And everyone's like, check your phones, you guys. Oh my God, who wore best, Kim K or Jessel? And Jessel's like, that is so fucked up. I was walking around. What do you want? I had sweaty feet.
And Rebecca was like, oh, wonderful. And so Aaron's like, oh my God, she sent that to the whole group. And everyone's like, check your phones, you guys. Oh my God, who wore best, Kim K or Jessel? And Jessel's like, that is so fucked up. I was walking around. What do you want? I had sweaty feet.
this show is running on fumes seriously and then she's upset because they're like judging her feet and it's not fair and then everyone's like oh my god her feet are so ugly and then brin's like well that's kind of hypocritical is it brin who was like it's hypocritical like these are the girls who are so offended oh no that's later in the car we'll get to it soon
this show is running on fumes seriously and then she's upset because they're like judging her feet and it's not fair and then everyone's like oh my god her feet are so ugly and then brin's like well that's kind of hypocritical is it brin who was like it's hypocritical like these are the girls who are so offended oh no that's later in the car we'll get to it soon
So they ask Raquel some more questions about her mom. I don't care. I'm not talking about this anymore. Like, I'm not doing it. I don't care if she does. I'm not doing it. Then they talk about Jessel wanting kids again and blah, blah, blah. So then they decide to go home. Then they talk about the mom again and how wonderful. I can't with this fucking show. Okay, so we go back to the van.
So they ask Raquel some more questions about her mom. I don't care. I'm not talking about this anymore. Like, I'm not doing it. I don't care if she does. I'm not doing it. Then they talk about Jessel wanting kids again and blah, blah, blah. So then they decide to go home. Then they talk about the mom again and how wonderful. I can't with this fucking show. Okay, so we go back to the van.
And Brynn is like, oh my God, Erin, I love how they tried throwing you under the bus, sharing a consensually given photo of your husband. Yeah, consensual is giving her the photo. It's not showing it, but still, it's another business.
And Brynn is like, oh my God, Erin, I love how they tried throwing you under the bus, sharing a consensually given photo of your husband. Yeah, consensual is giving her the photo. It's not showing it, but still, it's another business.
yeah of course which she started this whole thing you know she started it as usual and now she's trying to keep it going so aaron's like yeah it made me like it made me it made them mad that he had a big dick
yeah of course which she started this whole thing you know she started it as usual and now she's trying to keep it going so aaron's like yeah it made me like it made me it made them mad that he had a big dick
Yeah, truly. So then Brynn's like, they don't understand humor. They really don't. So then now back at the resort, a lot of small talk, a lot of small talk, tons of small talk. Let's get to this fight. Let's just fast forward to the fight. I'm going through my notes here. Aaron Rodgers, Netflix docuseries, Ten Biggest Revelations. Let me see here.
Yeah, truly. So then Brynn's like, they don't understand humor. They really don't. So then now back at the resort, a lot of small talk, a lot of small talk, tons of small talk. Let's get to this fight. Let's just fast forward to the fight. I'm going through my notes here. Aaron Rodgers, Netflix docuseries, Ten Biggest Revelations. Let me see here.
Hungry redraws electoral map as Orban's party slumps in the polls. Maloney hails Italy's newfound stability.
Hungry redraws electoral map as Orban's party slumps in the polls. Maloney hails Italy's newfound stability.
And let me tell you, you know, it's still a housewife show. So I still have my base enjoyment of it. You know what I mean? Like I'm still like glad I'm not doing nothing. So that's good. Yeah.
And let me tell you, you know, it's still a housewife show. So I still have my base enjoyment of it. You know what I mean? Like I'm still like glad I'm not doing nothing. So that's good. Yeah.
Weather action. Okay, so Bren pulls, Rebecca pulls Bren aside. And so Bren's like, you can go first. She's like, well, do you want Erin here?
Weather action. Okay, so Bren pulls, Rebecca pulls Bren aside. And so Bren's like, you can go first. She's like, well, do you want Erin here?
Yeah, she's going to tell her a twisted version anyway, so just let her hear the real version, you know? Yeah. So Rebecca's like, okay, I apologize. I didn't know you were triggered. And so Brynn's kind of taken aback, and she's like, okay, well, then I'm sorry I ripped your head off. And she goes, yeah, I didn't know you were going through a whole thing.
Yeah, she's going to tell her a twisted version anyway, so just let her hear the real version, you know? Yeah. So Rebecca's like, okay, I apologize. I didn't know you were triggered. And so Brynn's kind of taken aback, and she's like, okay, well, then I'm sorry I ripped your head off. And she goes, yeah, I didn't know you were going through a whole thing.
So Brynn's like, okay, this girl's going to let me have my, I'm sad about not ever getting pregnant, even though I didn't really want to before story into a thing. So Brynn's like, okay, she's going to give me my storyline. So I'll be nice.
So Brynn's like, okay, this girl's going to let me have my, I'm sad about not ever getting pregnant, even though I didn't really want to before story into a thing. So Brynn's like, okay, she's going to give me my storyline. So I'll be nice.
So then we transition into her story.
So then we transition into her story.
and there are things that i enjoy no matter what i've you know at this point i've just sort of given myself over to bravo and it doesn't matter whether i enjoy it or not we're here and so i enjoy doing this no matter what's going on right so whatever like some are good some are bad this one's particularly bad but i'm still enjoying some of it you know and um so that was enough for me
and there are things that i enjoy no matter what i've you know at this point i've just sort of given myself over to bravo and it doesn't matter whether i enjoy it or not we're here and so i enjoy doing this no matter what's going on right so whatever like some are good some are bad this one's particularly bad but i'm still enjoying some of it you know and um so that was enough for me
And she says that she doesn't have kids. And so she freaks out when people say stuff like that, because she understands what it's like to have, not to have kids all too well. And she tells us, she's like, Gideon's not getting his shit together. I mean, he was supposed to go to London to the clinic and give a sample.
And she says that she doesn't have kids. And so she freaks out when people say stuff like that, because she understands what it's like to have, not to have kids all too well. And she tells us, she's like, Gideon's not getting his shit together. I mean, he was supposed to go to London to the clinic and give a sample.
And then, oh, my God, I had to pop over to my friend in the south of France to his friend's place. Well, you don't seem like you want to do this, and I want someone who wants to do this. No, you don't. You want a fucking rich person, okay?
And then, oh, my God, I had to pop over to my friend in the south of France to his friend's place. Well, you don't seem like you want to do this, and I want someone who wants to do this. No, you don't. You want a fucking rich person, okay?
You don't get to bag a rich person for his money who you're going to tie up for the next God knows how many years for his money for your child and then demand that he change his lifestyle and stay at home with the kid. That's not how that works, man. Okay. So if you're not going to be able to do this, don't do it. And go find someone real who wants to do this with you.
You don't get to bag a rich person for his money who you're going to tie up for the next God knows how many years for his money for your child and then demand that he change his lifestyle and stay at home with the kid. That's not how that works, man. Okay. So if you're not going to be able to do this, don't do it. And go find someone real who wants to do this with you.
Stop fucking wasting your time. You're bad.
Stop fucking wasting your time. You're bad.
So you don't love me. You don't even like me. You don't want to be with me at all and give me what I want, which is you. But then you want me to be financially tied to you for the rest of this baby's life when I'm already in my 50s, probably. Sounds great. Sounds like I'm going to get a lot out of this deal. Yeah, Bryn. Sounds like you really sold him on that one.
So you don't love me. You don't even like me. You don't want to be with me at all and give me what I want, which is you. But then you want me to be financially tied to you for the rest of this baby's life when I'm already in my 50s, probably. Sounds great. Sounds like I'm going to get a lot out of this deal. Yeah, Bryn. Sounds like you really sold him on that one.
Yeah. um so um let's see so yeah they make up basically and um rebecca's like you know i get overwhelmed sometimes and prince like i get that but brent's kind of like i don't really want to talk about you because rebecca opens up about her being a mom and you know she keeps going on and brent's like okay i'm bored with this now And so Rebecca's like, okay, well, surface brin's going away.
Yeah. um so um let's see so yeah they make up basically and um rebecca's like you know i get overwhelmed sometimes and prince like i get that but brent's kind of like i don't really want to talk about you because rebecca opens up about her being a mom and you know she keeps going on and brent's like okay i'm bored with this now And so Rebecca's like, okay, well, surface brin's going away.
So that's good. Now I get to finally meet her. And she's like, well, I'm just like in the place of opening up. But it's just like not everybody is willing to do that. And that's okay. Because like not everyone can share and open up like me just because I want. You don't share and open up.
So that's good. Now I get to finally meet her. And she's like, well, I'm just like in the place of opening up. But it's just like not everybody is willing to do that. And that's okay. Because like not everyone can share and open up like me just because I want. You don't share and open up.
You berate everybody and try and manipulate everything and manipulate and gaslight everybody around you and try and fuck them up and then start crying about it later because they didn't guess what your trauma was. So, no, you're not too open. I don't think anybody would accuse you of being too open, ma'am.
You berate everybody and try and manipulate everything and manipulate and gaslight everybody around you and try and fuck them up and then start crying about it later because they didn't guess what your trauma was. So, no, you're not too open. I don't think anybody would accuse you of being too open, ma'am.
It was like enough. And that's all I can say. I will say that this is one of those ones, Beverly Hills, I watch every minute of. Salt Lake City, I watch. Potomac, I watch. This one, I scroll. It's a scroll show. The real estate ones on Bravo, I scroll. Like I'll watch Million Dollar Listing, but I'm scrolling, you know? And this is a scroll show.
It was like enough. And that's all I can say. I will say that this is one of those ones, Beverly Hills, I watch every minute of. Salt Lake City, I watch. Potomac, I watch. This one, I scroll. It's a scroll show. The real estate ones on Bravo, I scroll. Like I'll watch Million Dollar Listing, but I'm scrolling, you know? And this is a scroll show.
band drama the best kind of stuff so hopefully the show can kind of like write the ship next week because this this episode was a real this one was for a season that's already kind of dull this episode was really really it's just they're treading water just fucking end it it's episode 12 make it a short season why would you take a show that sucks and then make a full season out of it no any other show that sucks on bravo gets a no matter how good the season is they get a 12 episode order that's it
band drama the best kind of stuff so hopefully the show can kind of like write the ship next week because this this episode was a real this one was for a season that's already kind of dull this episode was really really it's just they're treading water just fucking end it it's episode 12 make it a short season why would you take a show that sucks and then make a full season out of it no any other show that sucks on bravo gets a no matter how good the season is they get a 12 episode order that's it
Okay. That's the thing. Andy's been all over this week like, oh my God, don't want to oversell it, but this reunion is amazing. Someone is really upping it in the outfit department. They're upping themselves every, it's going to shock people. Jenna's in a dress. Let me guess, Jenna's gonna wear a dress and it's gonna shock every, I mean, come on, man. Like, just stop.
Okay. That's the thing. Andy's been all over this week like, oh my God, don't want to oversell it, but this reunion is amazing. Someone is really upping it in the outfit department. They're upping themselves every, it's going to shock people. Jenna's in a dress. Let me guess, Jenna's gonna wear a dress and it's gonna shock every, I mean, come on, man. Like, just stop.
Yes, why punish us? We're trying to support you. Don't fucking, you're bashing our goodwill into the ground.
Yes, why punish us? We're trying to support you. Don't fucking, you're bashing our goodwill into the ground.
as an audience and um my favorite internet comment is this show could have been an email you know it's like the show could have been an email this whole show so um anyway we'll still be back laughing anyway next week uh and the next 10 weeks that this is gonna fucking air i'm sure when do you think the season finale is oh geez oh because we got the holidays coming up it's probably gonna be in the first week or two of january i'm gonna suspect
as an audience and um my favorite internet comment is this show could have been an email you know it's like the show could have been an email this whole show so um anyway we'll still be back laughing anyway next week uh and the next 10 weeks that this is gonna fucking air i'm sure when do you think the season finale is oh geez oh because we got the holidays coming up it's probably gonna be in the first week or two of january i'm gonna suspect
Okay. Well, let's pray. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being with us. Thanks, everyone, for being here. We'll be back tomorrow. Go listen to Beverly Hills and come back tomorrow if you want to hear us talk about how good Housewives can be because both those shows are killing it. We love you guys. We'll talk to you later. Bye.
Okay. Well, let's pray. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being with us. Thanks, everyone, for being here. We'll be back tomorrow. Go listen to Beverly Hills and come back tomorrow if you want to hear us talk about how good Housewives can be because both those shows are killing it. We love you guys. We'll talk to you later. Bye.
Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.
Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.
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Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.
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Hava Nagila Webber. Know Your Worth with Jason Couric. Sip Some Scotch with Jessica Trotch.
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The highest tally is Sarah McNally.
The highest tally is Sarah McNally.
So parts of it, I might be a little fuzzy because, you know, girl, I was scrolling. And if anybody is scrolling currently in this day and age, you know that this world is completely fucked. So it's like going between the batshit crazy news and what they're talking about on this show. And it was a little jarring. But, you know, let's get through it.
So parts of it, I might be a little fuzzy because, you know, girl, I was scrolling. And if anybody is scrolling currently in this day and age, you know that this world is completely fucked. So it's like going between the batshit crazy news and what they're talking about on this show. And it was a little jarring. But, you know, let's get through it.
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And she's like, you have been rude ever since the moment that we met Bram. And Rebecca really does like those that squints finally paying off. Because when we first saw the squint on Rebecca, we were like, why is she pretending she's so nice? That squint is not a nice person squint. That person is a reading squint. You know, it's a judgy squint.
And she's like, you have been rude ever since the moment that we met Bram. And Rebecca really does like those that squints finally paying off. Because when we first saw the squint on Rebecca, we were like, why is she pretending she's so nice? That squint is not a nice person squint. That person is a reading squint. You know, it's a judgy squint.
And not to say that judgy people can't be nice, but that's just to say there's a strong line of judge in there. And it came out today. And I enjoyed it.
And not to say that judgy people can't be nice, but that's just to say there's a strong line of judge in there. And it came out today. And I enjoyed it.
So and the girls got mad at her because not mad but they were like a little disappointed It seemed like because they wanted her to really be a housewives like have her bitch moment tell off Brynn And they felt like she was being a little too lukewarm I thought she was perfect because she really put Brynn in her place in a way that was like You're a bad little girl, and I don't care enough about you to yell at you, and you're I'm still not gonna Yes, and I'll even apologize to you if you want me to because you're that stupid
So and the girls got mad at her because not mad but they were like a little disappointed It seemed like because they wanted her to really be a housewives like have her bitch moment tell off Brynn And they felt like she was being a little too lukewarm I thought she was perfect because she really put Brynn in her place in a way that was like You're a bad little girl, and I don't care enough about you to yell at you, and you're I'm still not gonna Yes, and I'll even apologize to you if you want me to because you're that stupid
Make Whole Foods Market your holiday headquarters. Have you ever found the house of your dreams only to learn it has dark secrets?
Make Whole Foods Market your holiday headquarters. Have you ever found the house of your dreams only to learn it has dark secrets?
yeah it was embarrassing like by the end of this episode i was not only scrolling on my phone but i was just like so embarrassed for red like i was mortified i was like this girl tried it and she's not only failing she's just looking childish now this girl's just making her stupid you know
yeah it was embarrassing like by the end of this episode i was not only scrolling on my phone but i was just like so embarrassed for red like i was mortified i was like this girl tried it and she's not only failing she's just looking childish now this girl's just making her stupid you know
Oh, God, Brian, shut up. OK, let me make this very easy for you. There's things you don't understand about being a giraffe because you're not a giraffe. So you don't know what it's like when someone's like, oh, my God, these the leaves at the top of the tree are the hardest to eat. You don't understand it because you're not eating the leaves at the top of the trees. You are not a giraffe, okay?
Oh, God, Brian, shut up. OK, let me make this very easy for you. There's things you don't understand about being a giraffe because you're not a giraffe. So you don't know what it's like when someone's like, oh, my God, these the leaves at the top of the tree are the hardest to eat. You don't understand it because you're not eating the leaves at the top of the trees. You are not a giraffe, okay?
I'm sorry. You can't just have somebody feel for you and pretend. You don't get to pretend to be a giraffe and get everybody to pretend along with you. It's not how it works, okay? You are not a mother and you don't fucking understand, period. Go cry somewhere else, you fucking baby. You don't understand what it's like to be a mother, but you do understand what it's like to be a child.
I'm sorry. You can't just have somebody feel for you and pretend. You don't get to pretend to be a giraffe and get everybody to pretend along with you. It's not how it works, okay? You are not a mother and you don't fucking understand, period. Go cry somewhere else, you fucking baby. You don't understand what it's like to be a mother, but you do understand what it's like to be a child.
That's for sure.
That's for sure.
Yeah, we have to, you know, look, I don't want, I don't want kids and I don't love people using the, well, I'm a mother now, so I get everything that you don't understand. Like, I don't even like kids getting to go onto the plane before me. I'm like, is that a handicap now, being a child? No, get in the fucking line like everybody else.
Yeah, we have to, you know, look, I don't want, I don't want kids and I don't love people using the, well, I'm a mother now, so I get everything that you don't understand. Like, I don't even like kids getting to go onto the plane before me. I'm like, is that a handicap now, being a child? No, get in the fucking line like everybody else.
But as the sellers discover, sometimes the home of your dreams can be a total nightmare.
But as the sellers discover, sometimes the home of your dreams can be a total nightmare.
I had to buy the early bird to get my seating group A, and now you get to, did you serve in the military? You're a fucking one, okay? You're one year old. Do you have a purple heart? Get in the fucking back of the line. Your mother didn't earn, your mother earned you, guess what your mother earned you? A spot in the C line in Southwest, okay? You don't get to be an A just because you're a child.
I had to buy the early bird to get my seating group A, and now you get to, did you serve in the military? You're a fucking one, okay? You're one year old. Do you have a purple heart? Get in the fucking back of the line. Your mother didn't earn, your mother earned you, guess what your mother earned you? A spot in the C line in Southwest, okay? You don't get to be an A just because you're a child.
I don't even, fuck that. But even I'm like, well, shit. Yeah, it's harder for her. I look at the actual mom and I'm like, OK, yeah, I don't get what it's I don't get what that's like. And that's way harder for her. So I mean, I can sit here with my little game boy and cry in my A15.
I don't even, fuck that. But even I'm like, well, shit. Yeah, it's harder for her. I look at the actual mom and I'm like, OK, yeah, I don't get what it's I don't get what that's like. And that's way harder for her. So I mean, I can sit here with my little game boy and cry in my A15.
And also, Brynn's just starting this fight because she just wants to have a feud with somebody. It's just, like, not organic. It's just annoying. And now she got her big thing where she gets to... It's like, I'm really going to get everybody on my side in the audience by really bringing motherhood into it. Just... You're just bad at this, okay?
And also, Brynn's just starting this fight because she just wants to have a feud with somebody. It's just, like, not organic. It's just annoying. And now she got her big thing where she gets to... It's like, I'm really going to get everybody on my side in the audience by really bringing motherhood into it. Just... You're just bad at this, okay?
It's the 20th time I've said this in the past two weeks, but you're just sucking at it. And it's funny to watch. So then she's like, don't patronize me about motherhood. And Rebecca's like, the amount of attacking she's done to me, I mean, it is like I have just been accused of terrorism by Oz himself. Okay, my purse is right now. Purse is right now.
It's the 20th time I've said this in the past two weeks, but you're just sucking at it. And it's funny to watch. So then she's like, don't patronize me about motherhood. And Rebecca's like, the amount of attacking she's done to me, I mean, it is like I have just been accused of terrorism by Oz himself. Okay, my purse is right now. Purse is right now.
That girl really needs to take a hike up the yellow bitch road. Am I right? Stupid.
That girl really needs to take a hike up the yellow bitch road. Am I right? Stupid.
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And Rebecca does a good job here. She just looks at her and she squints and she goes, great. I love that. great so raquel's like i'm excited to see this side of rebecca maybe she just needed a little vacay and brand's like well contrary what am i sound like i actually don't want to fight with you well now you don't because you look stupid because you just lost you just lost this fight so too late
And Rebecca does a good job here. She just looks at her and she squints and she goes, great. I love that. great so raquel's like i'm excited to see this side of rebecca maybe she just needed a little vacay and brand's like well contrary what am i sound like i actually don't want to fight with you well now you don't because you look stupid because you just lost you just lost this fight so too late
It feels like it.
It feels like it.
Okay, well, you don't get to say moving on. You're the person who ran the car into the innocent victim. You're not the one who gets to decide to move on. That's a hit and run. The victim gets up and walks away and says, okay, it's time to move on now.
Okay, well, you don't get to say moving on. You're the person who ran the car into the innocent victim. You're not the one who gets to decide to move on. That's a hit and run. The victim gets up and walks away and says, okay, it's time to move on now.
But you know what? Also, don't. John's daughter almost got to say it's time to move on.
But you know what? Also, don't. John's daughter almost got to say it's time to move on.
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Imagine falling in love with someone who understands you completely, who's there at 3 a.m.
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Travis fell in love with the perfect woman.
My intent was meant as a sign of inclusion and solidarity. What the fuck? That's not, that's, that is not it though.
My intent was meant as a sign of inclusion and solidarity. What the fuck? That's not, that's, that is not it though.
I love watching True Detective, and I actually haven't seen the Jodie Foster season, so I'm starting that tonight. I'm so excited to get into that.
I love watching True Detective, and I actually haven't seen the Jodie Foster season, so I'm starting that tonight. I'm so excited to get into that.
It's so stupid. He's just idiotic. And the fact that he even sent this is more idiotic because most people would have the brain to be like, this is terrible. I'm going to write this first. I'm going to type this out and then I'm going to write it and send it. I mean, come on. Yes. But that he knew it was so bad and still sent it is sad.
It's so stupid. He's just idiotic. And the fact that he even sent this is more idiotic because most people would have the brain to be like, this is terrible. I'm going to write this first. I'm going to type this out and then I'm going to write it and send it. I mean, come on. Yes. But that he knew it was so bad and still sent it is sad.
Because she could forgive somebody who did something stupid, but she can't forgive an idiot. And she will never respect an idiot. Exactly. So he's a dummy. So he's like, but admittedly, wait, is that too much? Siri, how do I spell admittedly? It's crazy. It's a hilarious scene. And he didn't know how to spell it. So with warm regards, JT is basically it. So then we go with Shep and his dog.
Because she could forgive somebody who did something stupid, but she can't forgive an idiot. And she will never respect an idiot. Exactly. So he's a dummy. So he's like, but admittedly, wait, is that too much? Siri, how do I spell admittedly? It's crazy. It's a hilarious scene. And he didn't know how to spell it. So with warm regards, JT is basically it. So then we go with Shep and his dog.
Stressful. I'm sorry. The sad stuff that's happening on this show. So Shep and little Craig are getting some food, and he orders his dog human food at the restaurant. He just orders the dog a meal, which Bueller, no. Bueller's not going to ever get it. I'll be like, are you hungry, honey? Here's a stick that I found on the ground. Enjoy that. Have you ever had a straw? It's delicious. Try it.
Stressful. I'm sorry. The sad stuff that's happening on this show. So Shep and little Craig are getting some food, and he orders his dog human food at the restaurant. He just orders the dog a meal, which Bueller, no. Bueller's not going to ever get it. I'll be like, are you hungry, honey? Here's a stick that I found on the ground. Enjoy that. Have you ever had a straw? It's delicious. Try it.
You should taste that.
You should taste that.
This scene was a rough Austin scene because his entire mouth never stopped. His tongue just kept popping out of his mouth and his mouth kept like, like he was eating something kind of, but he wasn't like the food hadn't come yet. He was just doing like stage eating the whole time for some reason on the show. It was so obnoxious. It was hard to watch.
This scene was a rough Austin scene because his entire mouth never stopped. His tongue just kept popping out of his mouth and his mouth kept like, like he was eating something kind of, but he wasn't like the food hadn't come yet. He was just doing like stage eating the whole time for some reason on the show. It was so obnoxious. It was hard to watch.
Yeah. It's just, what are you doing? Yeah. It seemed like someone said, okay, you're just standing around a party eating a sandwich. And he's just like, Of course, eating it very impolitely as he does. Only on this show do I say things like impolitely. Who gives a fuck?
Yeah. It's just, what are you doing? Yeah. It seemed like someone said, okay, you're just standing around a party eating a sandwich. And he's just like, Of course, eating it very impolitely as he does. Only on this show do I say things like impolitely. Who gives a fuck?
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Audible's best of 2024 picks are here.
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Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984.
Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984.
Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen.
Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen.
Especially when it's told by a full cast like that. Like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know?
Especially when it's told by a full cast like that. Like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know?
Go to audible.com slash crappins and discover all the year's best waiting for you. That's audible.com slash crappins.
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I have credit.
I have credit.
I have credit. I have credit.
I have credit. I have credit.
okay so anyway so chef's like oh gosh i'm sorry it's just there's there's history with the name madison here you guys have over women of every single name okay there's not a waitress in the world that hasn't had a name of somebody that you haven't over so stop acting like you're uncomfortable with this particular one jesus christ what do you have a conniption fit every time you pass a keychain rack with names on it
okay so anyway so chef's like oh gosh i'm sorry it's just there's there's history with the name madison here you guys have over women of every single name okay there's not a waitress in the world that hasn't had a name of somebody that you haven't over so stop acting like you're uncomfortable with this particular one jesus christ what do you have a conniption fit every time you pass a keychain rack with names on it
You fucked over every name in the name dick scenario.
You fucked over every name in the name dick scenario.
Yeah, well, it's easier with a 20-year-old, you fuckwit. Oh, and also, I felt like this was a gift to us. You know, it's the audience, but especially me and Ben, because this is our favorite thing about Austin.
Yeah, well, it's easier with a 20-year-old, you fuckwit. Oh, and also, I felt like this was a gift to us. You know, it's the audience, but especially me and Ben, because this is our favorite thing about Austin.
Madison! Madison!
Madison! Madison!
Madison! And we got a full Madison montage of Austin squeezing his wiener, going, Madison, you're a saint right now!
Madison! And we got a full Madison montage of Austin squeezing his wiener, going, Madison, you're a saint right now!
So editors, thank you. I took it personally. I took it as a gift. And thank you. I know it's delusional, but I don't even care. I loved it. So then we see a flashback of Audrey and Austin having lunch. I mean, these two are so meant to be together because Austin's like, well, you have big, big brown eyes like a little baby baby.
So editors, thank you. I took it personally. I took it as a gift. And thank you. I know it's delusional, but I don't even care. I loved it. So then we see a flashback of Audrey and Austin having lunch. I mean, these two are so meant to be together because Austin's like, well, you have big, big brown eyes like a little baby baby.
Oh God, get out of the road.
Oh God, get out of the road.
I don't know. Sorry. That was dangerous. And she's like, she's like a deer. And he goes, yeah, searching for the nearest espresso martini. Well,
I don't know. Sorry. That was dangerous. And she's like, she's like a deer. And he goes, yeah, searching for the nearest espresso martini. Well,
I'm sure she sees a future with you too. A future of cleaning your ass and helping you downstairs. You old bastard. Okay. And you know that Ori you see about her? It's called youth. It's like a video game when you're dying and you're looking around for something that's pulsing with any kind of life that you could swallow to give you a little bit more. Yeah. Okay. That's what you're seeing.
I'm sure she sees a future with you too. A future of cleaning your ass and helping you downstairs. You old bastard. Okay. And you know that Ori you see about her? It's called youth. It's like a video game when you're dying and you're looking around for something that's pulsing with any kind of life that you could swallow to give you a little bit more. Yeah. Okay. That's what you're seeing.
You're seeing the glow of a MediPak in Call of Duty.
You're seeing the glow of a MediPak in Call of Duty.
And Austin's like, that's great, bro.
And Austin's like, that's great, bro.
And he's like, I mean, look, we've been lucky enough to have many wonderful girls come through our lives. To all the girls I've garshed before.
And he's like, I mean, look, we've been lucky enough to have many wonderful girls come through our lives. To all the girls I've garshed before.
who've traveled in and cursed my doors it's just not exciting anymore and i'll say that you know just like a new conquest or whatever it just isn't and you know shep is really leaning into his like just an innocent little boy thing because his eyes are wide open this whole episode where he's like this girl's just so sweet golly gee what could i do to make her happy course
who've traveled in and cursed my doors it's just not exciting anymore and i'll say that you know just like a new conquest or whatever it just isn't and you know shep is really leaning into his like just an innocent little boy thing because his eyes are wide open this whole episode where he's like this girl's just so sweet golly gee what could i do to make her happy course
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, some people think vulnerability isn't manly. Well, fuck that.
Yeah, some people think vulnerability isn't manly. Well, fuck that.
Okay, now you're going to be vulnerable because you found a Miss Bahamas.
Okay, now you're going to be vulnerable because you found a Miss Bahamas.
Hi, how are you?
Hi, how are you?
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
maybe it's not emotionally vulnerable it's just that he opened himself up for mockery is that still vulnerable then maybe that's just i think gre i think i look at craig as just one of the trickier people because he's he's more manipulative like he's better at manipulating than everybody else craig's still a monster i love that people are so snowed by craig you know because he's so charming and adorable and he is his his good qualities i think are really good i think they outweigh his bad that we've seen on this show but his bad are pretty bad too
maybe it's not emotionally vulnerable it's just that he opened himself up for mockery is that still vulnerable then maybe that's just i think gre i think i look at craig as just one of the trickier people because he's he's more manipulative like he's better at manipulating than everybody else craig's still a monster i love that people are so snowed by craig you know because he's so charming and adorable and he is his his good qualities i think are really good i think they outweigh his bad that we've seen on this show but his bad are pretty bad too
It wasn't that long ago that he was on Winter House throwing his cash at people going, I'm too rich to clean. And my parents were maids. I'm not cleaning another thing. That was literally five minutes ago. So, I mean, everybody is so quick to forget on Bravo, but I'm not. I'm that elephant who trampled the old lady in the village.
It wasn't that long ago that he was on Winter House throwing his cash at people going, I'm too rich to clean. And my parents were maids. I'm not cleaning another thing. That was literally five minutes ago. So, I mean, everybody is so quick to forget on Bravo, but I'm not. I'm that elephant who trampled the old lady in the village.
Do it.
Do it.
Oh, we got an email from one of our recappers, Shelby, which was so funny. And I didn't even write back, which is so rude. So consider this your write back, Shelby. But she was like, oh, I wanted to update you on that story about the elephant who trampled who was trampled by. I wanted to update you on that story about the old lady that was trampled by the elephant. whose son that she killed.
Oh, we got an email from one of our recappers, Shelby, which was so funny. And I didn't even write back, which is so rude. So consider this your write back, Shelby. But she was like, oh, I wanted to update you on that story about the elephant who trampled who was trampled by. I wanted to update you on that story about the old lady that was trampled by the elephant. whose son that she killed.
No, it went away. It went away.
No, it went away. It went away.
This old lady killed an elephant's kid and the elephant trampled the old lady. Okay, she goes, so I want to follow up. Not only did she trample the old lady, she showed up at her funeral and trampled everybody at the funeral too. Isn't that good? I want a poster of that fucking elephant. Okay? Yeah, that elephant is really... That's an amazing elephant.
This old lady killed an elephant's kid and the elephant trampled the old lady. Okay, she goes, so I want to follow up. Not only did she trample the old lady, she showed up at her funeral and trampled everybody at the funeral too. Isn't that good? I want a poster of that fucking elephant. Okay? Yeah, that elephant is really... That's an amazing elephant.
The elephant will be played by Madeline Stowe, I feel like. So anyway, but yeah, vulnerable or not, they're going to talk shit about Craig now.
The elephant will be played by Madeline Stowe, I feel like. So anyway, but yeah, vulnerable or not, they're going to talk shit about Craig now.
So the chef's like, I mean, I'm vulnerable and nobody wants to be vulnerable. I mean, look at Craig. He's never even confided in you about Paige, for example.
So the chef's like, I mean, I'm vulnerable and nobody wants to be vulnerable. I mean, look at Craig. He's never even confided in you about Paige, for example.
Oh, yeah. Okay. So that means that Paige is less. Craig is less vulnerable than you, who's been vulnerable for five minutes. Okay. Then I changed my answer before. Craig is definitely 100 times more vulnerable than any of the other guys on this show.
Oh, yeah. Okay. So that means that Paige is less. Craig is less vulnerable than you, who's been vulnerable for five minutes. Okay. Then I changed my answer before. Craig is definitely 100 times more vulnerable than any of the other guys on this show.
Yeah. So then Austin's like, he hasn't talked to me. He hasn't talked to me about anything. Not recently. You know, he's extremely wrapped up, Craig. And he's so reclusive. You know, he's like Howard Hughes. Yeah. Playboy, right? No. Vietnam War? No. Does he own the things like the IHOPs? No, that's Howard Johnson's. I don't know. God, I'm hungry. Can I get a Grand Slam? That's Denny's.
Yeah. So then Austin's like, he hasn't talked to me. He hasn't talked to me about anything. Not recently. You know, he's extremely wrapped up, Craig. And he's so reclusive. You know, he's like Howard Hughes. Yeah. Playboy, right? No. Vietnam War? No. Does he own the things like the IHOPs? No, that's Howard Johnson's. I don't know. God, I'm hungry. Can I get a Grand Slam? That's Denny's.
So Austin's like, you're right. Because Craig used to be the first fucking call. He was the first fucking call on my call list. But now, he doesn't even answer the phone. I miss him. I miss him. No. Oh, my God. Can we just start focusing on Austin above the nose? Can we just have the camera there? Can we just have Austin be like the neighbor on Home Improvements?
So Austin's like, you're right. Because Craig used to be the first fucking call. He was the first fucking call on my call list. But now, he doesn't even answer the phone. I miss him. I miss him. No. Oh, my God. Can we just start focusing on Austin above the nose? Can we just have the camera there? Can we just have Austin be like the neighbor on Home Improvements?
He's just always behind a fence because I can't watch that mouth moving anymore. I can't.
He's just always behind a fence because I can't watch that mouth moving anymore. I can't.
It makes sense. So Austin's like, you know, it's kind of like a big old man PR move. Like, if you see him with a beer in his hand, like he thinks they're like his whole business is going down. His whole business is going down. And he's like, yeah, well, you remember when he was on Adderall to the gills at that time? And he lied about everything, basically.
It makes sense. So Austin's like, you know, it's kind of like a big old man PR move. Like, if you see him with a beer in his hand, like he thinks they're like his whole business is going down. His whole business is going down. And he's like, yeah, well, you remember when he was on Adderall to the gills at that time? And he lied about everything, basically.
Yeah, it's called getting your shit together. Like, it's so funny that Shep is still all these years later trying to bring somebody down instead of doing literally anything for himself.
Yeah, it's called getting your shit together. Like, it's so funny that Shep is still all these years later trying to bring somebody down instead of doing literally anything for himself.
I mean, Craig's not vulnerable like us.
I mean, Craig's not vulnerable like us.
I mean, he quit drinking. He quit doing drugs. He's got a job and a career and a steady girlfriend. What a loser.
I mean, he quit drinking. He quit doing drugs. He's got a job and a career and a steady girlfriend. What a loser.
It is really funny, though, seeing Craig's TikTok. Because we're making fun of how everything's business now. We just see one of Craig's commercials, and he's like, our bedding is, like, so soft. It's hand-picked by me. Yeah. Cheese boards. Big beverage dispensers. Look, I'm going to pop something in my mouth. Ow. Ow. All right. Well, I shouldn't have tried that one. That was a beer can.
It is really funny, though, seeing Craig's TikTok. Because we're making fun of how everything's business now. We just see one of Craig's commercials, and he's like, our bedding is, like, so soft. It's hand-picked by me. Yeah. Cheese boards. Big beverage dispensers. Look, I'm going to pop something in my mouth. Ow. Ow. All right. Well, I shouldn't have tried that one. That was a beer can.
That hurt. Can we do that one over again? Craig, it's your TikTok, stupid. Okay, I won't publish it.
That hurt. Can we do that one over again? Craig, it's your TikTok, stupid. Okay, I won't publish it.
So Austin's just like, I miss my buddy too. I miss him. That's all I'm saying. I miss my buddy too.
So Austin's just like, I miss my buddy too. I miss him. That's all I'm saying. I miss my buddy too.
Whatever it was. so they you know um they're like well craig doesn't like us anymore is basically the thing so shep calls craig and he gets sent right to voicemail and then we go to craig and pages and craig is skimming the pool whatever craig did in that backyard is fantastic i have to say that looks amazing as someone who's currently trying to get a deck finished
Whatever it was. so they you know um they're like well craig doesn't like us anymore is basically the thing so shep calls craig and he gets sent right to voicemail and then we go to craig and pages and craig is skimming the pool whatever craig did in that backyard is fantastic i have to say that looks amazing as someone who's currently trying to get a deck finished
You know, today's the last day of my deck. All the guys are out there right now. There's a whole team. There's a Russian team. There's a Filipino team. There's a Hispanic team. All the guys are out there today. It's like literally corners of all the world back there are working their ass off doing this deck. We're doing lighting. We're doing all this stuff. It is hard, okay? It is hard.
You know, today's the last day of my deck. All the guys are out there right now. There's a whole team. There's a Russian team. There's a Filipino team. There's a Hispanic team. All the guys are out there today. It's like literally corners of all the world back there are working their ass off doing this deck. We're doing lighting. We're doing all this stuff. It is hard, okay? It is hard.
And I saw Craig's, and I was like, wow, that is...
And I saw Craig's, and I was like, wow, that is...
stunning like how does he do that i'm broke like i'm literally broke and mine is going to be possibly mediocre if i try really hard how do you do that his is like the garden of fucking eden bro whatever i want that well it's right come over i'm sorry what i said earlier about you about being a douchebag and throwing your money at people come on put some plants out for me babe
stunning like how does he do that i'm broke like i'm literally broke and mine is going to be possibly mediocre if i try really hard how do you do that his is like the garden of fucking eden bro whatever i want that well it's right come over i'm sorry what i said earlier about you about being a douchebag and throwing your money at people come on put some plants out for me babe
Oh, thanks. Okay, so then he's with Paige. And this scene is the funniest thing because Paige is just sitting at the pool dressed like she's in Hello Darling. I mean, she looks adorable. And she, you know, she always looks adorable. It's good to see Paige on TV. It's been a while. I love Paige. Right? Because Summer House ended a while ago, and I just haven't seen her in a while.
Oh, thanks. Okay, so then he's with Paige. And this scene is the funniest thing because Paige is just sitting at the pool dressed like she's in Hello Darling. I mean, she looks adorable. And she, you know, she always looks adorable. It's good to see Paige on TV. It's been a while. I love Paige. Right? Because Summer House ended a while ago, and I just haven't seen her in a while.
And it's good to see her. She's so cute. So she was sitting there on the phone. Huh? She's so good. She's sitting there scowling at her phone. She's scowling at her phone and just swiping like a teenager. And he's like, hey, babe, I'm skimming the pool. She's like, isn't this nice, babe? Yeah. You know what? Me and Paige, we used to party and stuff, but why would we even need to?
And it's good to see her. She's so cute. So she was sitting there on the phone. Huh? She's so good. She's sitting there scowling at her phone. She's scowling at her phone and just swiping like a teenager. And he's like, hey, babe, I'm skimming the pool. She's like, isn't this nice, babe? Yeah. You know what? Me and Paige, we used to party and stuff, but why would we even need to?
Because now we just hang out together. We're so happy just being together. Hey, honey, what do you want to do later? Shut up, Craig. Love you, babe. Right.
Because now we just hang out together. We're so happy just being together. Hey, honey, what do you want to do later? Shut up, Craig. Love you, babe. Right.
So Craig's like, you know, there's a corner of the green that's a little dirty. Should I blow it off? No. We have such a sanctuary here. Shut up, Craig. So Madison comes over.
So Craig's like, you know, there's a corner of the green that's a little dirty. Should I blow it off? No. We have such a sanctuary here. Shut up, Craig. So Madison comes over.
And they're in the matching bikini with cover up thing.
And they're in the matching bikini with cover up thing.
It is really funny because she's on her phone. She won't even look at Craig that whole time. He's like, love you, honey. She's like, whatever, shut up, Craig. And then Madison comes in and she just like immediately like swipes down her phone and puts it down.
It is really funny because she's on her phone. She won't even look at Craig that whole time. He's like, love you, honey. She's like, whatever, shut up, Craig. And then Madison comes in and she just like immediately like swipes down her phone and puts it down.
Have you been out to the world? I don't even, I can't even believe it's not on fire yet. Here's what people are doing on the road. They're just like, I'm done. It's Christmas. They're like, literally, it's like it's robots driving into trees is what it looks like. People just driving all over the road. Is anybody even there anymore? Today there was a checkout lady.
Have you been out to the world? I don't even, I can't even believe it's not on fire yet. Here's what people are doing on the road. They're just like, I'm done. It's Christmas. They're like, literally, it's like it's robots driving into trees is what it looks like. People just driving all over the road. Is anybody even there anymore? Today there was a checkout lady.
Let's talk guys. If she comes to life. It's so funny. It's like someone plugged her in and she's like, okay, I'm back to life. Stupid's done. Craig, stop talking. Great. Madison, fill me in.
Let's talk guys. If she comes to life. It's so funny. It's like someone plugged her in and she's like, okay, I'm back to life. Stupid's done. Craig, stop talking. Great. Madison, fill me in.
This was so funny too. Cause they're literally like, are you ready to hang out? And they're like, yeah, let's hang out. And so the girls take off their coverups and then Craig takes off his shirt and then they just stand there in the same positions.
This was so funny too. Cause they're literally like, are you ready to hang out? And they're like, yeah, let's hang out. And so the girls take off their coverups and then Craig takes off his shirt and then they just stand there in the same positions.
We're hanging out now, guys. We've, we've moved, we've removed some clothing. Let's talk. So they start chatting and Paige starts ordering him around for pasta salad and stuff.
We're hanging out now, guys. We've, we've moved, we've removed some clothing. Let's talk. So they start chatting and Paige starts ordering him around for pasta salad and stuff.
So he's like, well, I told Paige about Patricia's. Oh, girl. It's like, I'm just saying like JT's saying crazy shit. The only sentence that Craig said to me was like, oh my God, JT said to people like JT and Madison hooked up and I go, no one thinks that genuinely.
So he's like, well, I told Paige about Patricia's. Oh, girl. It's like, I'm just saying like JT's saying crazy shit. The only sentence that Craig said to me was like, oh my God, JT said to people like JT and Madison hooked up and I go, no one thinks that genuinely.
You ain't going to disrespect my boyfriend and you ain't going to disrespect corn.
You ain't going to disrespect my boyfriend and you ain't going to disrespect corn.
Well, anyway, he'll have to have you and Brett and Hudson come over and swim. We'll have to have you. And Craig's like, yeah, how are you? And she's like, great. But, you know, Brett has, she just drops it.
Well, anyway, he'll have to have you and Brett and Hudson come over and swim. We'll have to have you. And Craig's like, yeah, how are you? And she's like, great. But, you know, Brett has, she just drops it.
They're like, what? She's like, yeah, I know. But, you know, she's saying you don't just want everybody, especially people in this group, really involved in your shit, you know? And I guess I don't blame them.
They're like, what? She's like, yeah, I know. But, you know, she's saying you don't just want everybody, especially people in this group, really involved in your shit, you know? And I guess I don't blame them.
He had cancer. Did you not know? She goes, no. But it also could have been something that he was telling her like, babe, did you know that Brett had cancer? Oh my God, that's terrible. While she's just scrolling through her phone.
He had cancer. Did you not know? She goes, no. But it also could have been something that he was telling her like, babe, did you know that Brett had cancer? Oh my God, that's terrible. While she's just scrolling through her phone.
I think she tried to scan my head at the store. I was like, girl, we just all need to quit our jobs because it's over for all of us. And I feel bad for anyone listening to this podcast right now because this is going to be mayhem because Because this is one of our last things we're doing this week. We're doing this. Yeah, we're doing this.
I think she tried to scan my head at the store. I was like, girl, we just all need to quit our jobs because it's over for all of us. And I feel bad for anyone listening to this podcast right now because this is going to be mayhem because Because this is one of our last things we're doing this week. We're doing this. Yeah, we're doing this.
Yeah, just drops it in there somewhere.
Yeah, just drops it in there somewhere.
For decades, the human rights campaign has been at the forefront of the fight for equality in the face of discrimination and harassment.
For decades, the human rights campaign has been at the forefront of the fight for equality in the face of discrimination and harassment.
If you're ready to support the fight for equality, to donate today, visit hrc.org slash give. That's hrc.org slash g-i-v-e.
If you're ready to support the fight for equality, to donate today, visit hrc.org slash give. That's hrc.org slash g-i-v-e.
But there are some things that should stay drama-free.
But there are some things that should stay drama-free.
Healthcare shouldn't be dramatic, but lawmakers insist on attacking our rights to get the care we need and deserve.
Healthcare shouldn't be dramatic, but lawmakers insist on attacking our rights to get the care we need and deserve.
And Paige is like, how dare he insinuate that you might find him attractive? This is disgusting. I mean, what's, okay. Pretend I'm Barbara Walters. Okay, this is a microphone. What made you cry harder? Finding out your boyfriend has cancer or JT thinking that you would sleep with him? Be honest.
And Paige is like, how dare he insinuate that you might find him attractive? This is disgusting. I mean, what's, okay. Pretend I'm Barbara Walters. Okay, this is a microphone. What made you cry harder? Finding out your boyfriend has cancer or JT thinking that you would sleep with him? Be honest.
While she is completely in the right, she just really goes solo. Like, it becomes so mean that I'm like, oh, God, poor JT. I mean, it really is just like, he's ugly. He's disgusting. What is he trying to do? Chase children off of his bridge? I mean, Jesus Christ, what a troll.
While she is completely in the right, she just really goes solo. Like, it becomes so mean that I'm like, oh, God, poor JT. I mean, it really is just like, he's ugly. He's disgusting. What is he trying to do? Chase children off of his bridge? I mean, Jesus Christ, what a troll.
And then we're going to do a summer house trailer trash for next week. And probably a bonus. So we'll be here all day still recording. But it is going to be Looney Tunes because we know this is it.
And then we're going to do a summer house trailer trash for next week. And probably a bonus. So we'll be here all day still recording. But it is going to be Looney Tunes because we know this is it.
And that's hard.
And that's hard.
And it's not only like, you know, you were a jerk for saying something. It's like, you're a jerk for even having the audacity to think I would ever be attracted to someone as ugly as you, which is just like, yikes. I mean, that takes it to a different level where I'm like, please don't make me feel bad for JT. Because that's not the spot I think you want the audience to be in at this point.
And it's not only like, you know, you were a jerk for saying something. It's like, you're a jerk for even having the audacity to think I would ever be attracted to someone as ugly as you, which is just like, yikes. I mean, that takes it to a different level where I'm like, please don't make me feel bad for JT. Because that's not the spot I think you want the audience to be in at this point.
Like, you guys are on the level where you're getting what you want, but don't take it so far that everybody's going to switch around and then feel sorry for JT, you know?
Like, you guys are on the level where you're getting what you want, but don't take it so far that everybody's going to switch around and then feel sorry for JT, you know?
So now let's go to Wolfgang. It's a dog store. It's a dog store, guys. Don't worry. No one's playing the piano here. Okay. No one is playing the piano. So it's the most effervescent gaze of our lives. Rodrigo and Tyler. Let's do it. Let's do this, guys. Let's do it. Smells delicious in here. Thank you. It's a secret. Oh, no, it's the lady who works there. She goes, thank you. It's a secret.
So now let's go to Wolfgang. It's a dog store. It's a dog store, guys. Don't worry. No one's playing the piano here. Okay. No one is playing the piano. So it's the most effervescent gaze of our lives. Rodrigo and Tyler. Let's do it. Let's do this, guys. Let's do it. Smells delicious in here. Thank you. It's a secret. Oh, no, it's the lady who works there. She goes, thank you. It's a secret.
It's wet dog hair. Y'all get it right, you're gays. And they're like, that's so funny. So we're having a 13th birthday party for our dog, Bella. So we wanted some treats we could serve them. Do you have cakes? We do. Peanut butter, oats, doggy dog, dog, dog, dog, wet hair cakes. We can try that again. You got anybody? Gay laughter? No? Okay.
It's wet dog hair. Y'all get it right, you're gays. And they're like, that's so funny. So we're having a 13th birthday party for our dog, Bella. So we wanted some treats we could serve them. Do you have cakes? We do. Peanut butter, oats, doggy dog, dog, dog, dog, wet hair cakes. We can try that again. You got anybody? Gay laughter? No? Okay.
Well, you're taking the fun right out of the word gay, aren't you? It just means homosexuals now, doesn't it? Okay, well, I'll just stick with that then.
Well, you're taking the fun right out of the word gay, aren't you? It just means homosexuals now, doesn't it? Okay, well, I'll just stick with that then.
So he finds a little cowboy hat for a dog. And he's like, this is because we're going to have an inspiration with Dolly Parton. So we're going to have our party called Doggy Parton. And she's like, oh, that is the least gay name I've ever heard anybody come up with. I mean, you even made Dolly Parton sound unfun.
So he finds a little cowboy hat for a dog. And he's like, this is because we're going to have an inspiration with Dolly Parton. So we're going to have our party called Doggy Parton. And she's like, oh, that is the least gay name I've ever heard anybody come up with. I mean, you even made Dolly Parton sound unfun.
Can I find funner gays?
Can I find funner gays?
Okay? Okay, you can order a tiny cowboy hat. I'm going to go here on Postmates and see if I can order some fun gays. Okay? Let's see what gets here quicker.
Okay? Okay, you can order a tiny cowboy hat. I'm going to go here on Postmates and see if I can order some fun gays. Okay? Let's see what gets here quicker.
You know, like, it's really fun, like, playing with them for a minute. But it's really good when you get to put them down. Like, what? I've never heard of a fixation. I mean, it's nice. It's nice, right? But it's also like, what? I've just never heard of that. We're really into adopting senior dogs.
You know, like, it's really fun, like, playing with them for a minute. But it's really good when you get to put them down. Like, what? I've never heard of a fixation. I mean, it's nice. It's nice, right? But it's also like, what? I've just never heard of that. We're really into adopting senior dogs.
That is actually nice because, yeah, they did say that they adopted this from an older woman who passed away. That is actually really cute.
That is actually nice because, yeah, they did say that they adopted this from an older woman who passed away. That is actually really cute.
Here's what I really like. I like a dog that snores really loudly all day. Which I have to say, Bueller's in that era right now. Well, he was born in 2012. So what does that make him? That makes him 12, right? So he's 12. I keep saying 13, but I think he's 12. So Bueller is in that kind of old man state right now.
Here's what I really like. I like a dog that snores really loudly all day. Which I have to say, Bueller's in that era right now. Well, he was born in 2012. So what does that make him? That makes him 12, right? So he's 12. I keep saying 13, but I think he's 12. So Bueller is in that kind of old man state right now.
And it is a nice stage to own a dog because it's literally it's like, hey, you have to throw the ball two times a day. That's it. Because he's exhausted after that. And then all he does is lay there and snore and look cute and then cuddle with me. That's great. I mean, that's a really cute era for a dog, you know. Yeah, no, that's, that, that.
And it is a nice stage to own a dog because it's literally it's like, hey, you have to throw the ball two times a day. That's it. Because he's exhausted after that. And then all he does is lay there and snore and look cute and then cuddle with me. That's great. I mean, that's a really cute era for a dog, you know. Yeah, no, that's, that, that.
Do not leave me.
Do not leave me.
Bro, I think we're talking ourself into senior dogs right now. I'm like, these guys are so stupid getting senior dogs. What senior dog? Now I'm like, I want old ass dogs only for the rest of my life. This is like a good trend.
Bro, I think we're talking ourself into senior dogs right now. I'm like, these guys are so stupid getting senior dogs. What senior dog? Now I'm like, I want old ass dogs only for the rest of my life. This is like a good trend.
It's just everybody has dropped the mic already. It's like work is already done for everybody. They're just done. But the Karen Huger thing, we won't be doing the Potomac recap, but we did do a mini recap of her arrest story. That's on our TikTok and our Instagram and our YouTube. So that should be up now. So go check that out for our take on that stuff.
It's just everybody has dropped the mic already. It's like work is already done for everybody. They're just done. But the Karen Huger thing, we won't be doing the Potomac recap, but we did do a mini recap of her arrest story. That's on our TikTok and our Instagram and our YouTube. So that should be up now. So go check that out for our take on that stuff.
I do not want those dogs. They're the worst. Yeah, I don't want those. They're just humping every pillow. You can't get a new pillow from HomeGoods because they're humping it. It's like, that is not your girlfriend.
I do not want those dogs. They're the worst. Yeah, I don't want those. They're just humping every pillow. You can't get a new pillow from HomeGoods because they're humping it. It's like, that is not your girlfriend.
You're doing kegs, you're doing like milk bone stands on your head. So- I would get like the president of the drama club dog. So they're going to have 12 dogs at this party. And Tyler was like, well, what about humans? Is anyone's going to come? Or I mean, like, what's that about?
You're doing kegs, you're doing like milk bone stands on your head. So- I would get like the president of the drama club dog. So they're going to have 12 dogs at this party. And Tyler was like, well, what about humans? Is anyone's going to come? Or I mean, like, what's that about?
And he's like, well, you know, after talking to Austin, we just felt like it was better to like pump the brakes on having JT there, you know?
And he's like, well, you know, after talking to Austin, we just felt like it was better to like pump the brakes on having JT there, you know?
and um so we so tyler's like well so he's in the dog house is that what you're saying and the lady's like that was an attempt you attempted something and for that here here's a milk bone it's milk bone with the bow on it okay put it in your hair just you know just keep calling yourself gay and trying maybe you know what fake it till you make it that's what i say gays um you know what
and um so we so tyler's like well so he's in the dog house is that what you're saying and the lady's like that was an attempt you attempted something and for that here here's a milk bone it's milk bone with the bow on it okay put it in your hair just you know just keep calling yourself gay and trying maybe you know what fake it till you make it that's what i say gays um you know what
Look for sales on curated cheeses to create a grazing board everyone will love while the dinner's getting cooked. You're in the right place to get all the best accoutrement like nuts, dried fruit, and chocolate.
Look for sales on curated cheeses to create a grazing board everyone will love while the dinner's getting cooked. You're in the right place to get all the best accoutrement like nuts, dried fruit, and chocolate.
all of a sudden look at this austin all of a sudden is now like just oh yeah good old austin like people just forget he don't forget everyone he's a douchebag and you shouldn't be going to him to find out who should be coming to your party right but austin did tell him that he called patricia a bitch and you know any gay in town's gonna be like oh yeah you don't fuck with that oh yeah i'm sorry you will not be coming yeah he told him so he's like here's the scene right here yeah we see a flashback literally he is banned so then we go to patricia and whitney's house and um
all of a sudden look at this austin all of a sudden is now like just oh yeah good old austin like people just forget he don't forget everyone he's a douchebag and you shouldn't be going to him to find out who should be coming to your party right but austin did tell him that he called patricia a bitch and you know any gay in town's gonna be like oh yeah you don't fuck with that oh yeah i'm sorry you will not be coming yeah he told him so he's like here's the scene right here yeah we see a flashback literally he is banned so then we go to patricia and whitney's house and um
A letter comes through the mail slot and Patricia goes, that's the mail slot.
A letter comes through the mail slot and Patricia goes, that's the mail slot.
That's where I put Randy's hand through and then I walk to the other end of it and just start hitting it with butter knives until it does what I want.
That's where I put Randy's hand through and then I walk to the other end of it and just start hitting it with butter knives until it does what I want.
Well, I can see what it is, mother. I just, it's a, it's a, it's a, a navy blue envelope with a black pen. So you got to look at it like a hydroglyphics, but it says, I think to miss Patricia from JT. Well, how does he expect anyone to see this? Randy, get in here. Sorry, ma'am. I'm still tied to the radiator. God damn it. Randy, untie yourself.
Well, I can see what it is, mother. I just, it's a, it's a, it's a, a navy blue envelope with a black pen. So you got to look at it like a hydroglyphics, but it says, I think to miss Patricia from JT. Well, how does he expect anyone to see this? Randy, get in here. Sorry, ma'am. I'm still tied to the radiator. God damn it. Randy, untie yourself.
That's the last thing they want to hear in the South. I'm not doing it. State's rights, am I right? Hey, Whitney, could you press that little button next to you on the coffee table? Sure, Mom. That was so funny. I had some ice water hanging in a bucket above where Randy is tied up. So funny. All right. So let's read the rest of this. Well, inclusion. Okay.
That's the last thing they want to hear in the South. I'm not doing it. State's rights, am I right? Hey, Whitney, could you press that little button next to you on the coffee table? Sure, Mom. That was so funny. I had some ice water hanging in a bucket above where Randy is tied up. So funny. All right. So let's read the rest of this. Well, inclusion. Okay.
Well, I didn't realize he was giving everybody a cane. But, I mean, I can still do handstands and cartwheels and push buttons. Watch.
Well, I didn't realize he was giving everybody a cane. But, I mean, I can still do handstands and cartwheels and push buttons. Watch.
Ah!
Ah!
what a pussy she's an icon she really does and they don't get it she goes oh my god look at the handwriting yeah it's exactly like you said if she thinks you're an idiot it doesn't matter what you write yeah and when he's like looks looks like it was written by a 10 year old J.T., you know, he's just like an annoying gnat.
what a pussy she's an icon she really does and they don't get it she goes oh my god look at the handwriting yeah it's exactly like you said if she thinks you're an idiot it doesn't matter what you write yeah and when he's like looks looks like it was written by a 10 year old J.T., you know, he's just like an annoying gnat.
I mean, I don't know anything that he could say or write that would interest me at this point. But letter writing is a lost art form. So in that respect, it is a nice gesture. Now, can he write? No. But he tried. I like that she at least gave him that point, you know.
I mean, I don't know anything that he could say or write that would interest me at this point. But letter writing is a lost art form. So in that respect, it is a nice gesture. Now, can he write? No. But he tried. I like that she at least gave him that point, you know.
apparently another lost art form is giving your mother grandchildren whitney mother it's not about me right now so it's like mother is it is it is it even confirmed that he called you a bitch well i'm assuming it's true but i don't know because it wouldn't be the first time that's for sure i mean city council just convened last week good lord half of the
apparently another lost art form is giving your mother grandchildren whitney mother it's not about me right now so it's like mother is it is it is it even confirmed that he called you a bitch well i'm assuming it's true but i don't know because it wouldn't be the first time that's for sure i mean city council just convened last week good lord half of the
meeting was spent calling me a bitch so you know getting lines what i say you know lines are a lost art form so lord knows that hint that handwriting needed a few lines to write on
meeting was spent calling me a bitch so you know getting lines what i say you know lines are a lost art form so lord knows that hint that handwriting needed a few lines to write on
So we see that scene of Craig in 2017 talking to his therapist, who basically looks like shocked Pikachu the entire time. He's like, yeah, I can convince a lot of people of anything I want to convince them of because I'm a great liar. And she's just like. Do you really?
So we see that scene of Craig in 2017 talking to his therapist, who basically looks like shocked Pikachu the entire time. He's like, yeah, I can convince a lot of people of anything I want to convince them of because I'm a great liar. And she's just like. Do you really?
Yeah. So Patricia's like, oh, you know, I hate, I hate, you know, I know that you hate when I speak French, but listen, the aim now is just an intent cordial. So just to be cordial is what I'm trying to say. And he's like, okay. Homewards and upwards, you know. Oh, right, right. Mother, say it. All right, Whitney. Jesus Christ, you overeducated little fucker. Go impregnate somebody already.
Yeah. So Patricia's like, oh, you know, I hate, I hate, you know, I know that you hate when I speak French, but listen, the aim now is just an intent cordial. So just to be cordial is what I'm trying to say. And he's like, okay. Homewards and upwards, you know. Oh, right, right. Mother, say it. All right, Whitney. Jesus Christ, you overeducated little fucker. Go impregnate somebody already.
I'm exhausted.
I'm exhausted.
So they make small talk. He's like, I'm just so glad you're here. She's like, me too. So he's like, yeah, I just I've never dated anyone quite like Sienna. She walks into a room and you're like, whoa, who's this? Thankfully, she's always wearing a sash.
So they make small talk. He's like, I'm just so glad you're here. She's like, me too. So he's like, yeah, I just I've never dated anyone quite like Sienna. She walks into a room and you're like, whoa, who's this? Thankfully, she's always wearing a sash.
So, you know.
So, you know.
well i have this fantasy basically you know in my mind we're not living in the bahamas with her for the rest of my life and i just surf and i fish and we'll have kids or something they'll run around the island you know i just oh god chef of course that's you're sorry craig did it first craig did it first sorry craig did the like eat pray love and bahamas thing and came back and started a business so find a new fantasy correct uh shep
well i have this fantasy basically you know in my mind we're not living in the bahamas with her for the rest of my life and i just surf and i fish and we'll have kids or something they'll run around the island you know i just oh god chef of course that's you're sorry craig did it first craig did it first sorry craig did the like eat pray love and bahamas thing and came back and started a business so find a new fantasy correct uh shep
Yeah, I just... I don't know. I kind of feel bad for Shep, but then, I don't know. Then I'm like, you're just wasting your time. Stop falling into the trap. I need to stop falling into the trap. It's just so sad. It's a midlife crisis.
Yeah, I just... I don't know. I kind of feel bad for Shep, but then, I don't know. Then I'm like, you're just wasting your time. Stop falling into the trap. I need to stop falling into the trap. It's just so sad. It's a midlife crisis.
When did you get out of my room? Wow, c'est la vie. I can't believe you know that. How's your French?
When did you get out of my room? Wow, c'est la vie. I can't believe you know that. How's your French?
And she's like, j'ai parlé français, tout le monde.
And she's like, j'ai parlé français, tout le monde.
Oh, wow, Goosebumpios, am I right? Entente!
Oh, wow, Goosebumpios, am I right? Entente!
Okay, let's get on with the show, shall we? Southern Charm, season 10, episode 3, Gone to the Dogs. My first thought. God, the music on this show really is top notch. And we say it every season. They go above and beyond. I mean, you know, in old movies, how you see movies about how old movies were being made.
Okay, let's get on with the show, shall we? Southern Charm, season 10, episode 3, Gone to the Dogs. My first thought. God, the music on this show really is top notch. And we say it every season. They go above and beyond. I mean, you know, in old movies, how you see movies about how old movies were being made.
So square Paul, uh, pond or whatever.
So square Paul, uh, pond or whatever.
I'll bet they did actually. Cause they showed a couple of, of door girls that we didn't see. I wonder if they were like trying to try, decide which show to put them on. Cause there's a lot of cross poly here.
I'll bet they did actually. Cause they showed a couple of, of door girls that we didn't see. I wonder if they were like trying to try, decide which show to put them on. Cause there's a lot of cross poly here.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Yeah. So we also like that. That's my industry term. Cross poly guys. That's what we, that's how we say it in the end.
Yeah. So we also like that. That's my industry term. Cross poly guys. That's what we, that's how we say it in the end.
Polly, who likes to cross streams with other girls named Polly.
Polly, who likes to cross streams with other girls named Polly.
That is pretty cool, actually. I was not expecting that. I was absolutely not expecting that. And so her and Gaston are both kind of in the medical industry. Who knew? I thought you were just supposed to be bimbo trash to be on this show. And I mean, both of them, himbo bimbo trash, you know, but no, they're like, actually, they got it going.
That is pretty cool, actually. I was not expecting that. I was absolutely not expecting that. And so her and Gaston are both kind of in the medical industry. Who knew? I thought you were just supposed to be bimbo trash to be on this show. And I mean, both of them, himbo bimbo trash, you know, but no, they're like, actually, they got it going.
Now, how long before she gives that up to try and sell spritzers to Leva? Who knows? We'll see. Oh, gosh. I forgot. They're talking. It's so funny that Taylor's still on this show because she really is just like a wet blanket. She's like... Yeah. So it's like crazy. She sells medical devices. It's so neat. So like, what's it like? Oh no, this isn't her. Who's she with? She's with Molly.
Now, how long before she gives that up to try and sell spritzers to Leva? Who knows? We'll see. Oh, gosh. I forgot. They're talking. It's so funny that Taylor's still on this show because she really is just like a wet blanket. She's like... Yeah. So it's like crazy. She sells medical devices. It's so neat. So like, what's it like? Oh no, this isn't her. Who's she with? She's with Molly.
Sally is kind of like this too. They've got a lot of, they've got a lot of blondes who are, they've got a lot of monotone blondes happening right now on the show.
Sally is kind of like this too. They've got a lot of, they've got a lot of blondes who are, they've got a lot of monotone blondes happening right now on the show.
yeah so um basically they're talking about the boys and molly's like you know whitney can be an insensitive asshole but whatever i could just kind of talk my way around it in my head like maybe he's just flirting when he's calling me fat oh fine love that for me great love that
yeah so um basically they're talking about the boys and molly's like you know whitney can be an insensitive asshole but whatever i could just kind of talk my way around it in my head like maybe he's just flirting when he's calling me fat oh fine love that for me great love that
and molly that molly's excusing it she's like you know when he could be an insensitive but i kind of like talk my way around it in my head maybe that's what i was just saying like maybe he's just flirting you know like i love that for me so then molly's like yeah okay well shep you know shep was talking about you a little bit she's like well what'd he say so then um we see um
and molly that molly's excusing it she's like you know when he could be an insensitive but i kind of like talk my way around it in my head maybe that's what i was just saying like maybe he's just flirting you know like i love that for me so then molly's like yeah okay well shep you know shep was talking about you a little bit she's like well what'd he say so then um we see um
Shep and Sally were telling the same story about each other.
Shep and Sally were telling the same story about each other.
So Shep's telling it like, whoa, Mustang Sally, she used me and I liked it. Roar!
So Shep's telling it like, whoa, Mustang Sally, she used me and I liked it. Roar!
And you see basically a whole orchestra that just sitting there playing with the movie as it goes, you know, scoring it live. That's how the show really feels. And whoever is playing the instrument that goes, doink. What instrument is that? I forget what that's called. It's a percussion. Yeah. It's like a specific thing. Who plays that? Because they deserve a Grammy Award.
And you see basically a whole orchestra that just sitting there playing with the movie as it goes, you know, scoring it live. That's how the show really feels. And whoever is playing the instrument that goes, doink. What instrument is that? I forget what that's called. It's a percussion. Yeah. It's like a specific thing. Who plays that? Because they deserve a Grammy Award.
And so then Flash, Shep's version is like, yeah, but I was like, I want to stay here.
And so then Flash, Shep's version is like, yeah, but I was like, I want to stay here.
And she's like, no, you're not staying here. Who can you believe in?
And she's like, no, you're not staying here. Who can you believe in?
So I get in the Uber and the Uber's like, what's up, bro? And I'm like, something just happened.
So I get in the Uber and the Uber's like, what's up, bro? And I'm like, something just happened.
Yeah, Taylor said that he maybe isn't the kind of guy who cares the most about pleasing a woman.
Yeah, Taylor said that he maybe isn't the kind of guy who cares the most about pleasing a woman.
Okay, I know what dreams are really like. So now they start talking about the dog party. Is Gaston going to be there with Taylor? And Sally's like, oh my God. Like, obviously I don't have anything good to say about him, but like, that's my story. You know, that doesn't have to be Taylor's story because me and Gaston dated for three months and he was like my person.
Okay, I know what dreams are really like. So now they start talking about the dog party. Is Gaston going to be there with Taylor? And Sally's like, oh my God. Like, obviously I don't have anything good to say about him, but like, that's my story. You know, that doesn't have to be Taylor's story because me and Gaston dated for three months and he was like my person.
You know how you are when you're dating somebody for three months. Like you're my person. We were basically married, but you know, um, he was cheating the whole time, but it doesn't mean he's cheating on Taylor. I mean,
You know how you are when you're dating somebody for three months. Like you're my person. We were basically married, but you know, um, he was cheating the whole time, but it doesn't mean he's cheating on Taylor. I mean,
Yeah, which is weird because I thought he was thirsty to be on TV. So I'm not really sure what's going on. I'm not reading the situation properly. Is he waiting for his moment? Like, what's he doing? What are you doing? What are you doing, you thirsty man?
Yeah, which is weird because I thought he was thirsty to be on TV. So I'm not really sure what's going on. I'm not reading the situation properly. Is he waiting for his moment? Like, what's he doing? What are you doing? What are you doing, you thirsty man?
What?
What?
I don't need that. Yeah. Taylor, Taylor doesn't really know how to pick them. So let's see how this goes. So now it's the doggy part in time. And so we hear the story about the gays adopting the dog from an elderly woman who couldn't take care of the dogs anymore. And so he's like, yeah, I love dogs more than humans. So, well, yeah, look at the humans you hang out with. I don't blame you.
I don't need that. Yeah. Taylor, Taylor doesn't really know how to pick them. So let's see how this goes. So now it's the doggy part in time. And so we hear the story about the gays adopting the dog from an elderly woman who couldn't take care of the dogs anymore. And so he's like, yeah, I love dogs more than humans. So, well, yeah, look at the humans you hang out with. I don't blame you.
Yeah. So now more people arise, arise, arrive. They're arising! People start coming out of the ground.
Yeah. So now more people arise, arise, arrive. They're arising! People start coming out of the ground.
I don't know if he even exists. Well, he's not here. I mean, who is he? Is he real? And then Molly and Sally come and I don't know. It's an arrival scene. You know how it goes. So Sally's like, so Taylor, it just keeps cutting to Taylor to make like drama. Like, oh, Sally just came in. Let's get Taylor's reaction. But Taylor's just like sitting there kind of bucktoothed like,
I don't know if he even exists. Well, he's not here. I mean, who is he? Is he real? And then Molly and Sally come and I don't know. It's an arrival scene. You know how it goes. So Sally's like, so Taylor, it just keeps cutting to Taylor to make like drama. Like, oh, Sally just came in. Let's get Taylor's reaction. But Taylor's just like sitting there kind of bucktoothed like,
They're so talented with it. They did such a good job in this episode. And that's like JT's instrument. You know how they have like Peter and the Wolf and every character has its own instrument or whatever. Like someone's the flute. And then, you know, whatever. JT is that... So good. You guys are doing so good on this music. So, so good.
They're so talented with it. They did such a good job in this episode. And that's like JT's instrument. You know how they have like Peter and the Wolf and every character has its own instrument or whatever. Like someone's the flute. And then, you know, whatever. JT is that... So good. You guys are doing so good on this music. So, so good.
And then they'll show Sally hugging somebody, and then it'll cut back to Taylor, and Taylor's just sitting there with a deadpan. It's so funny. They're trying to make Taylor into this huge soap opera star, and there's literally nothing there. It's like the shades are down, you know?
And then they'll show Sally hugging somebody, and then it'll cut back to Taylor, and Taylor's just sitting there with a deadpan. It's so funny. They're trying to make Taylor into this huge soap opera star, and there's literally nothing there. It's like the shades are down, you know?
So then Taylor is dressed like Bret Michaels and she's like, yeah, rock of love, baby.
So then Taylor is dressed like Bret Michaels and she's like, yeah, rock of love, baby.
You swallow your goddamn words.
You swallow your goddamn words.
That was an amazing piece of television. That was Americana. What are you, even an American? Get out. Get out of my country. You don't belong here anymore. I'm done with you.
That was an amazing piece of television. That was Americana. What are you, even an American? Get out. Get out of my country. You don't belong here anymore. I'm done with you.
Rock of Love was amazing. I hope they do it again. Diabetes. I love that show. Diabetes. Diabetes. I got diabetes. So then, you know, lots of small talk and stuff like that. Love It Comes. And, of course, she's super fun. She's like, like your cowboy hat. And Roderick goes, like, yeah, we stood up all night bedazzling it. She goes, really? He goes, no, we bought it like this. She's like, oh.
Rock of Love was amazing. I hope they do it again. Diabetes. I love that show. Diabetes. Diabetes. I got diabetes. So then, you know, lots of small talk and stuff like that. Love It Comes. And, of course, she's super fun. She's like, like your cowboy hat. And Roderick goes, like, yeah, we stood up all night bedazzling it. She goes, really? He goes, no, we bought it like this. She's like, oh.
just you know barrel of fun so then um uh we see little craig i mean everything's like super cute guys so now leva's like oh my god is shep coming with little craig and tyler's like yeah and then are they bringing the girlfriend what's going on what's going on what's going on with jt and so jt rodrigo's like i'm not inviting him you know like there was a certain level of bombast that wasn't necessary
just you know barrel of fun so then um uh we see little craig i mean everything's like super cute guys so now leva's like oh my god is shep coming with little craig and tyler's like yeah and then are they bringing the girlfriend what's going on what's going on what's going on with jt and so jt rodrigo's like i'm not inviting him you know like there was a certain level of bombast that wasn't necessary
Phrases like there was a certain level of bombast that wasn't necessary there. So I need more of that in my life. I'm going to start talking like the people in these shows. Like, well, man, could we could we lighten up with the bombast?
Phrases like there was a certain level of bombast that wasn't necessary there. So I need more of that in my life. I'm going to start talking like the people in these shows. Like, well, man, could we could we lighten up with the bombast?
Okay, lady that won't hide Mia and what's her buns back on Southern hospitality over a fairly minor infraction. Okay. There we go.
Okay, lady that won't hide Mia and what's her buns back on Southern hospitality over a fairly minor infraction. Okay. There we go.
So she's like, I don't know. Let's just play the devil's advocate. And Taylor's like, yeah, that's just not JT. I mean, his whole storyline last year was standing up for the women. So the fact that he's just coming around and being like, that woman's a bitch and this one wants to fuck me is weird. But to be fair, JT's annoying, but he didn't say that he thinks Madison is trying to fuck him.
So she's like, I don't know. Let's just play the devil's advocate. And Taylor's like, yeah, that's just not JT. I mean, his whole storyline last year was standing up for the women. So the fact that he's just coming around and being like, that woman's a bitch and this one wants to fuck me is weird. But to be fair, JT's annoying, but he didn't say that he thinks Madison is trying to fuck him.
And that's what everybody else is saying. They're saying that he's assuming that Madison wants to fuck him. That's not what he was saying. He's saying... The boyfriend thinks that he was doing something or he was acting fishy or inappropriate with Madison. And that's what he's being called about. It's not that Madison would want to fuck him. It's that the boyfriend is suspicious. That's weird.
And that's what everybody else is saying. They're saying that he's assuming that Madison wants to fuck him. That's not what he was saying. He's saying... The boyfriend thinks that he was doing something or he was acting fishy or inappropriate with Madison. And that's what he's being called about. It's not that Madison would want to fuck him. It's that the boyfriend is suspicious. That's weird.
Yes. Which is true. Which we find out is completely true.
Yes. Which is true. Which we find out is completely true.
So I'm the original beta blocker. So then Leva is talking to Taylor and they're talking about the girlfriend, Shep's girlfriend, and she hasn't met her. And Leva's like, is that his girlfriend? And Taylor's like, I think that's one on his roster. And it's like, and then it cuts to her soap opera face, which is like this. It's like she just sharted.
So I'm the original beta blocker. So then Leva is talking to Taylor and they're talking about the girlfriend, Shep's girlfriend, and she hasn't met her. And Leva's like, is that his girlfriend? And Taylor's like, I think that's one on his roster. And it's like, and then it cuts to her soap opera face, which is like this. It's like she just sharted.
It's just that plane, like one tooth sticking out, staring off into the distance.
It's just that plane, like one tooth sticking out, staring off into the distance.
Ow! I tripped over a rope and it dropped a paint can on my head.
Ow! I tripped over a rope and it dropped a paint can on my head.
Garsh! So he's like, you know, I haven't heard good things about Gaston.
Garsh! So he's like, you know, I haven't heard good things about Gaston.
If he was a stock, all the analysts are saying, sell! I haven't met one analyst who said, buy! I'll leave it at that. I wouldn't buy that stock with my daddy's money.
If he was a stock, all the analysts are saying, sell! I haven't met one analyst who said, buy! I'll leave it at that. I wouldn't buy that stock with my daddy's money.
So then Tyler is asking Taylor, she's met Sienna yet. So she's like, no, that I should, but I don't want to like go up to her, you know, like say what? Like, hi, nice to meet you. So, so, I mean, I talked to Shep, but like, I would feel more comfortable if he was like, I want to introduce you. But of course he's being awkward. Cause like, I don't want to be awkward. Just introduce me.
So then Tyler is asking Taylor, she's met Sienna yet. So she's like, no, that I should, but I don't want to like go up to her, you know, like say what? Like, hi, nice to meet you. So, so, I mean, I talked to Shep, but like, I would feel more comfortable if he was like, I want to introduce you. But of course he's being awkward. Cause like, I don't want to be awkward. Just introduce me.
Like, I don't care. Like, what am I awkward? I'm not, I'm totally fine. Look at me. I'm totally fine. I'm great. Everything's great. Yeah.
Like, I don't care. Like, what am I awkward? I'm not, I'm totally fine. Look at me. I'm totally fine. I'm great. Everything's great. Yeah.
I'm seeing this funny. Cause she goes, oh, hi, I've heard so much about you. She goes, oh, thank you. Well, hopefully good things. And she goes, mostly. Yeah.
I'm seeing this funny. Cause she goes, oh, hi, I've heard so much about you. She goes, oh, thank you. Well, hopefully good things. And she goes, mostly. Yeah.
I know it seemed like she was being bitchy to Taylor, but I took it as her bonding with Taylor being bitchy about Shep, almost, in a way, if that makes any sense. She was like, yeah, of course he's bitching. What an idiot. You know what I mean? But I don't know. So I'm hoping it was that way. I guess I'm hoping that she's more of a girl's girl. But then Madison's like, oh, okay.
I know it seemed like she was being bitchy to Taylor, but I took it as her bonding with Taylor being bitchy about Shep, almost, in a way, if that makes any sense. She was like, yeah, of course he's bitching. What an idiot. You know what I mean? But I don't know. So I'm hoping it was that way. I guess I'm hoping that she's more of a girl's girl. But then Madison's like, oh, okay.
So they're like, I guess we'll see how this turns out. So then Sienna motions to Shep and Taylor and she's like, oh, wow, look at you guys. You have the same scarf on because they're both wearing a red bandana.
So they're like, I guess we'll see how this turns out. So then Sienna motions to Shep and Taylor and she's like, oh, wow, look at you guys. You have the same scarf on because they're both wearing a red bandana.
But I think Lisa Vanderpump still wins the dog thing because this show isn't really trying to stop dogs from being turned into quesadillas. And Lisa Vanderpump is really big on, you know, keeping dogs out of the Subway sandwich shop. So I think that she wins. But, yeah, I love a good big dog event.
But I think Lisa Vanderpump still wins the dog thing because this show isn't really trying to stop dogs from being turned into quesadillas. And Lisa Vanderpump is really big on, you know, keeping dogs out of the Subway sandwich shop. So I think that she wins. But, yeah, I love a good big dog event.
And Shep's like, oh, well, this wasn't coordinated. Barely know her. Who is she? I don't know.
And Shep's like, oh, well, this wasn't coordinated. Barely know her. Who is she? I don't know.
Yeah. And that was pretty creepy. So then Molly's like, are you okay? She was asking Taylor. She goes, yeah. I mean, I just met Shep's girlfriend, question mark. And Molly's like, well, I asked Whitney how long they'd been seeing each other. And he said six months. And Molly's like, no matter how over someone you are, like seeing a guy walk in like that, that's rough.
Yeah. And that was pretty creepy. So then Molly's like, are you okay? She was asking Taylor. She goes, yeah. I mean, I just met Shep's girlfriend, question mark. And Molly's like, well, I asked Whitney how long they'd been seeing each other. And he said six months. And Molly's like, no matter how over someone you are, like seeing a guy walk in like that, that's rough.
I mean, that can be triggering. You know, it can be bringing up old wounds. I mean, I wouldn't like it. That girl's hot. That girl's hot.
I mean, that can be triggering. You know, it can be bringing up old wounds. I mean, I wouldn't like it. That girl's hot. That girl's hot.
Oh, wazoo.
Oh, wazoo.
That girl's hot.
That girl's hot.
If this was Southern Hospitality, TJ would have just splooged all over the screen.
If this was Southern Hospitality, TJ would have just splooged all over the screen.
So I just love that he narrates his own life for the TV. He's just so awkward at this, you know? So then we go to him calling Madison.
So I just love that he narrates his own life for the TV. He's just so awkward at this, you know? So then we go to him calling Madison.
Yeah, nothing really happened. But a lot of intrigue of people meeting people and people. And this is very ensemble-y today, the way they're doing the show today. They literally show everybody on the show and then bring them all together. And everyone's awkward because everyone's new to each other. So it's actually kind of a reset this season, which is odd.
Yeah, nothing really happened. But a lot of intrigue of people meeting people and people. And this is very ensemble-y today, the way they're doing the show today. They literally show everybody on the show and then bring them all together. And everyone's awkward because everyone's new to each other. So it's actually kind of a reset this season, which is odd.
It's like a bunch of the same people, but they're all in new situations. And I don't know, they did a pretty good job setting up a new season.
It's like a bunch of the same people, but they're all in new situations. And I don't know, they did a pretty good job setting up a new season.
Well, this time they're doing a good job because they're not just – usually they try and mix them with a more powerful person or a person who's been there longer, right? So it's like Taylor can only be shot with Shep in some way or Austin. They have to be shot with somebody big. And this time they're just like, okay, let's just have a scene of the newbies at the dog store.
Well, this time they're doing a good job because they're not just – usually they try and mix them with a more powerful person or a person who's been there longer, right? So it's like Taylor can only be shot with Shep in some way or Austin. They have to be shot with somebody big. And this time they're just like, okay, let's just have a scene of the newbies at the dog store.
And then let's have a scene with these newbies taking a walk around the lake. Like they don't care. They're just like – We're just going to let, we don't care if the audience doesn't know them. We'll just let them figure it out. I mean, it's interesting. It's an interesting way to do it. It's pretty good. I think it's working so far.
And then let's have a scene with these newbies taking a walk around the lake. Like they don't care. They're just like – We're just going to let, we don't care if the audience doesn't know them. We'll just let them figure it out. I mean, it's interesting. It's an interesting way to do it. It's pretty good. I think it's working so far.
Yeah. They're like, let's just put random people walking around. Not Vanita though. You know, let's just keep Vanita steaming a shirt. We got the steam. That was pretty good. All right. That's good math, guys. So Madison and JC go to meet up at a coffee shop and it's, I was mad.
Yeah. They're like, let's just put random people walking around. Not Vanita though. You know, let's just keep Vanita steaming a shirt. We got the steam. That was pretty good. All right. That's good math, guys. So Madison and JC go to meet up at a coffee shop and it's, I was mad.
No kidding. but we do get the Amazon package. So that's good. Cause JT is opening the Amazon package. So, uh, so they go meet at this coffee shop and, um, he's like, I'm just going to have some water. You know what? Tea would be welcomed. Okay. Can you just order the fucking tea, bro? So he goes out and, um, this is awkward as hell. This scene, this is so awkward. Um,
No kidding. but we do get the Amazon package. So that's good. Cause JT is opening the Amazon package. So, uh, so they go meet at this coffee shop and, um, he's like, I'm just going to have some water. You know what? Tea would be welcomed. Okay. Can you just order the fucking tea, bro? So he goes out and, um, this is awkward as hell. This scene, this is so awkward. Um,
So we see flashbacks to what he's talking about, the Craig stuff and all that. So Madison's like, well, you know, I feel blindsided that I thought we were friends. It has never been anything more than that. And I'm sorry, J.D., but are you blind? Have you seen my husband? Do you really think that for one second I would trade corn for... For an avocado? I mean, look at yourself.
So we see flashbacks to what he's talking about, the Craig stuff and all that. So Madison's like, well, you know, I feel blindsided that I thought we were friends. It has never been anything more than that. And I'm sorry, J.D., but are you blind? Have you seen my husband? Do you really think that for one second I would trade corn for... For an avocado? I mean, look at yourself.
You can't even be left out on the counter for a day without turning squishy.
You can't even be left out on the counter for a day without turning squishy.
Nobody wants you, avocado, okay? I was born for corn, and my husband is corn. You are hideous. You are disgusting. You have the face of a dog and a beaver mixed.
Nobody wants you, avocado, okay? I was born for corn, and my husband is corn. You are hideous. You are disgusting. You have the face of a dog and a beaver mixed.
You look like a dog and a beaver made a baby, and it's disgusting. Go build a dam and chase a stick, beaver dog, okay? Leave me alone.
You look like a dog and a beaver made a baby, and it's disgusting. Go build a dam and chase a stick, beaver dog, okay? Leave me alone.
Dun, dun, dun, JT was correct. What JC was right, JT said was right. He did call and he did insinuate that something might have been going on with them. So that was weird. Now, the fact that he came on and went so hard with it with Craig and Austin was not the best way to go about it and really stupid. And I hate even sticking up for JT, but he wasn't really wrong.
Dun, dun, dun, JT was correct. What JC was right, JT said was right. He did call and he did insinuate that something might have been going on with them. So that was weird. Now, the fact that he came on and went so hard with it with Craig and Austin was not the best way to go about it and really stupid. And I hate even sticking up for JT, but he wasn't really wrong.
By the way, how offensive is this? So he is jealous, but also what's really probably devastating, and you see that JT has just like really been dissed. Like JT is really being not only read for filth, but just talked down to and just such a bad, like it's demeaning, you know? And I'm laughing at this JT, but it's also sad. And it's so sad because it's not only like,
By the way, how offensive is this? So he is jealous, but also what's really probably devastating, and you see that JT has just like really been dissed. Like JT is really being not only read for filth, but just talked down to and just such a bad, like it's demeaning, you know? And I'm laughing at this JT, but it's also sad. And it's so sad because it's not only like,
I don't want this whole thing wasn't about me wanting to Brett being jealous of you. Who would be jealous of you? This whole thing was about Brett being jealous of Austin. And that's like, ouch, that's really an out, you know, and you just see his face fall. He's like, yeah, I have no idea. Like, he's like, I'm going to go out of here limping on both legs.
I don't want this whole thing wasn't about me wanting to Brett being jealous of you. Who would be jealous of you? This whole thing was about Brett being jealous of Austin. And that's like, ouch, that's really an out, you know, and you just see his face fall. He's like, yeah, I have no idea. Like, he's like, I'm going to go out of here limping on both legs.
Let me tell you what happened when I called mom the B word. Can I get some help from the orchestra? Thank you. I think enough is said there. So he basically says, listen, I'm sorry. I said what I said to the boys about how I received the FaceTime call, and I didn't know how to handle it. And I wish I'd come to you. And I'd like to leave it there. This does not need to go further.
Let me tell you what happened when I called mom the B word. Can I get some help from the orchestra? Thank you. I think enough is said there. So he basically says, listen, I'm sorry. I said what I said to the boys about how I received the FaceTime call, and I didn't know how to handle it. And I wish I'd come to you. And I'd like to leave it there. This does not need to go further.
And she goes, wow, you are unbelievable. I thought that was a pretty good apology. I mean, what the hell? I thought so, too. She said, I don't even know why I'm wasting my time. Because she has decided now he sucks. She needs somebody to hate on this show. Madison's really nothing without somebody to hate on. And she's got him. And she's like, I'm not letting this go, basically.
And she goes, wow, you are unbelievable. I thought that was a pretty good apology. I mean, what the hell? I thought so, too. She said, I don't even know why I'm wasting my time. Because she has decided now he sucks. She needs somebody to hate on this show. Madison's really nothing without somebody to hate on. And she's got him. And she's like, I'm not letting this go, basically.
Thanks for nothing. I'm going to torture you now for the rest of the season. Have fun, sucker. But also, we have to remember, this is Craig's fault for how he set everything up. And in this moment, she's just like, I'm not believing you, you thirsty idiot. You called her a bitch. You basically insinuated I was a slut, and you're not going to talk your way out of it.
Thanks for nothing. I'm going to torture you now for the rest of the season. Have fun, sucker. But also, we have to remember, this is Craig's fault for how he set everything up. And in this moment, she's just like, I'm not believing you, you thirsty idiot. You called her a bitch. You basically insinuated I was a slut, and you're not going to talk your way out of it.
So I don't know that I even blame her because Craig set it up in such a way that he's really not going to get out of this hole, right?
So I don't know that I even blame her because Craig set it up in such a way that he's really not going to get out of this hole, right?
Okay, well, thanks so much for being here, everybody. We will be back with Southern Charm in a couple of weeks when it comes back. And we sure love you guys. Have an amazing holiday, an amazing new year. We love you guys. Thank you for everything you do for us on this show. You know, you give us the best life. So thank you for being here with us. We really appreciate you guys, and we love you.
Okay, well, thanks so much for being here, everybody. We will be back with Southern Charm in a couple of weeks when it comes back. And we sure love you guys. Have an amazing holiday, an amazing new year. We love you guys. Thank you for everything you do for us on this show. You know, you give us the best life. So thank you for being here with us. We really appreciate you guys, and we love you.
Yes, there will be a break for us, a few days for us. But Krappens will be on every day of the week, baby. So come on back. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.
Yes, there will be a break for us, a few days for us. But Krappens will be on every day of the week, baby. So come on back. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.
That's what I have to say, because I've tried to steam with my clothes on too. And that never works out for me. And I have little tiny nipples. They've turned into like little toaster toaster dots. And it's not fun because I have steamed my nipples. Okay. Not steamed them, but you know, you hit them with the iron part and your shirt.
That's what I have to say, because I've tried to steam with my clothes on too. And that never works out for me. And I have little tiny nipples. They've turned into like little toaster toaster dots. And it's not fun because I have steamed my nipples. Okay. Not steamed them, but you know, you hit them with the iron part and your shirt.
Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.
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Um, that's not good, but I like that this show is still just reminding us that Vinita is here every episode at the beginning. And then we never hear from her again. Like the last episode, she at least had a scene where she was talking to JT about how she wanted to go to lunch with him and stuff. But mostly it's like, here's Vanita steaming something. And then that's it.
Um, that's not good, but I like that this show is still just reminding us that Vinita is here every episode at the beginning. And then we never hear from her again. Like the last episode, she at least had a scene where she was talking to JT about how she wanted to go to lunch with him and stuff. But mostly it's like, here's Vanita steaming something. And then that's it.
You really never hear another peep. Yeah. Here's our resident dog talker tour.
You really never hear another peep. Yeah. Here's our resident dog talker tour.
Oh, you wanted the end of the storyline?
Oh, you wanted the end of the storyline?
Like they opened... They established a shot with the leaves, but then they didn't show you what happened to the leaves. And so you feel... It was like a snow globe. It's like Chekhov's leaves. You're like, what the hell?
Like they opened... They established a shot with the leaves, but then they didn't show you what happened to the leaves. And so you feel... It was like a snow globe. It's like Chekhov's leaves. You're like, what the hell?
You can't, you can't introduce a leaf blower and not have it finish the job. Come on.
You can't, you can't introduce a leaf blower and not have it finish the job. Come on.
man this is drama seriously seriously well i will say this my uh suspicion is that gaston's just a user piece of trash douchebag because all we've seen of him what gives you that what gives you that impression he's named after the beauty and the beast character i don't care what anybody says from europe okay you're you that is a very common name where you're from in america he's a douchebag i'm sorry that's just how it is especially when he was born at the time he was born
man this is drama seriously seriously well i will say this my uh suspicion is that gaston's just a user piece of trash douchebag because all we've seen of him what gives you that what gives you that impression he's named after the beauty and the beast character i don't care what anybody says from europe okay you're you that is a very common name where you're from in america he's a douchebag i'm sorry that's just how it is especially when he was born at the time he was born
If his parents are American-born parents, then those are people who named him after the character Gaston, which destined him to be a douchebag. Period. That's just it. You guys can argue with me all you want, but that is just the end of my story.
If his parents are American-born parents, then those are people who named him after the character Gaston, which destined him to be a douchebag. Period. That's just it. You guys can argue with me all you want, but that is just the end of my story.
So anyway, Gaston's a douchebag just because of that, and also because he just kind of dates everybody who's TV-adjacent trying to get on these shows, and here he is. Now, that said, I would like to kind of hedge my bet... Well, okay, look, here's this. He's probably a douchebag, but, you know, he's a douchebag that I would keep in my house because he comes over with a leaf blower.
So anyway, Gaston's a douchebag just because of that, and also because he just kind of dates everybody who's TV-adjacent trying to get on these shows, and here he is. Now, that said, I would like to kind of hedge my bet... Well, okay, look, here's this. He's probably a douchebag, but, you know, he's a douchebag that I would keep in my house because he comes over with a leaf blower.
And you know what? You can use me, but if you're also doing services, then I feel it's fair.
And you know what? You can use me, but if you're also doing services, then I feel it's fair.
But as the sellers discover, sometimes the home of your dreams can be a total nightmare.
But as the sellers discover, sometimes the home of your dreams can be a total nightmare.
Well, she didn't get to do anything on Southern Hospitality. She showed up, got slut-shamed, and got sent away. And that was pretty much it for her job there. She showed up as someone who banged Joe Bradley, and then he told her off because she also banged somebody else within, like, what, a 24-hour period that he knew. Like, didn't Gaston live downstairs? Yeah.
Well, she didn't get to do anything on Southern Hospitality. She showed up, got slut-shamed, and got sent away. And that was pretty much it for her job there. She showed up as someone who banged Joe Bradley, and then he told her off because she also banged somebody else within, like, what, a 24-hour period that he knew. Like, didn't Gaston live downstairs? Yeah.
It was Gaston that he that she banged at that time. Right. So it was. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Sally. I mean, Sally was just making it to every Bravo show. She was just looking at production schedules, just showing up and doing what needed to be done. But yeah, they slut shamed her and then she was out. And I felt like that was unfair.
It was Gaston that he that she banged at that time. Right. So it was. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Sally. I mean, Sally was just making it to every Bravo show. She was just looking at production schedules, just showing up and doing what needed to be done. But yeah, they slut shamed her and then she was out. And I felt like that was unfair.
And she also, she not only got slut shamed, but she got guilted about disrespecting Joe's grandma's Parmesan because she taught him how to cook chicken Parmesan. Wasn't it that he cooked his grandma's special chicken Parmesan for Sally and then she did this to him?
And she also, she not only got slut shamed, but she got guilted about disrespecting Joe's grandma's Parmesan because she taught him how to cook chicken Parmesan. Wasn't it that he cooked his grandma's special chicken Parmesan for Sally and then she did this to him?
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Yeah, it was just so cringy because it's just one of those soap opera scenes which we see on these shows sometimes with people who really don't have anybody in their lives. I mean, we see it with Garcelle a lot. Like this week when she was like... Oh, here I am on the internet looking at the credits of my new film where I'm an executive producer, which touches me so deeply.
Yeah, it was just so cringy because it's just one of those soap opera scenes which we see on these shows sometimes with people who really don't have anybody in their lives. I mean, we see it with Garcelle a lot. Like this week when she was like... Oh, here I am on the internet looking at the credits of my new film where I'm an executive producer, which touches me so deeply.
I wish my mother was here right now to watch me squeeze out this solitary tear. Wah, wah, wah, wah. And JT's having that scene right now by himself where he's like... Well, I guess I should take some insulin. Geez, now I must write a letter to Miss Patricia. Here I am taking a pen and putting it to paper. Who knows how to write a letter anymore? How shall I go about such a thing? Come on, guys.
I wish my mother was here right now to watch me squeeze out this solitary tear. Wah, wah, wah, wah. And JT's having that scene right now by himself where he's like... Well, I guess I should take some insulin. Geez, now I must write a letter to Miss Patricia. Here I am taking a pen and putting it to paper. Who knows how to write a letter anymore? How shall I go about such a thing? Come on, guys.
Really? This is what we fall into on this show. And poor guy cannot write. He does not know how to string English together. And I blame George Bush. Who do you blame for the education system just taking a turn for the worst?
Really? This is what we fall into on this show. And poor guy cannot write. He does not know how to string English together. And I blame George Bush. Who do you blame for the education system just taking a turn for the worst?
What is Karen driving down the road? That's what anyone in the car with Karen screams. Deer! Deer! Whoops, whoops. Get out of the road.
What is Karen driving down the road? That's what anyone in the car with Karen screams. Deer! Deer! Whoops, whoops. Get out of the road.
My intent was meant as a sign of inclusion and solidarity. What the fuck? That's not, that's, that is not it though.
I love watching True Detective, and I actually haven't seen the Jodie Foster season, so I'm starting that tonight. I'm so excited to get into that.
It's so stupid. He's just idiotic. And the fact that he even sent this is more idiotic because most people would have the brain to be like, this is terrible. I'm going to write this first. I'm going to type this out and then I'm going to write it and send it. I mean, come on. Yes. But that he knew it was so bad and still sent it is sad.
Because she could forgive somebody who did something stupid, but she can't forgive an idiot. And she will never respect an idiot. Exactly. So he's a dummy. So he's like, but admittedly, wait, is that too much? Siri, how do I spell admittedly? It's crazy. It's a hilarious scene. And he didn't know how to spell it. So with warm regards, JT is basically it. So then we go with Shep and his dog.
Stressful. I'm sorry. The sad stuff that's happening on this show. So Shep and little Craig are getting some food, and he orders his dog human food at the restaurant. He just orders the dog a meal, which Bueller, no. Bueller's not going to ever get it. I'll be like, are you hungry, honey? Here's a stick that I found on the ground. Enjoy that. Have you ever had a straw? It's delicious. Try it.
You should taste that.
This scene was a rough Austin scene because his entire mouth never stopped. His tongue just kept popping out of his mouth and his mouth kept like, like he was eating something kind of, but he wasn't like the food hadn't come yet. He was just doing like stage eating the whole time for some reason on the show. It was so obnoxious. It was hard to watch.
Yeah. It's just, what are you doing? Yeah. It seemed like someone said, okay, you're just standing around a party eating a sandwich. And he's just like, Of course, eating it very impolitely as he does. Only on this show do I say things like impolitely. Who gives a fuck?
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I have credit.
I have credit. I have credit.
okay so anyway so chef's like oh gosh i'm sorry it's just there's there's history with the name madison here you guys have over women of every single name okay there's not a waitress in the world that hasn't had a name of somebody that you haven't over so stop acting like you're uncomfortable with this particular one jesus christ what do you have a conniption fit every time you pass a keychain rack with names on it
You fucked over every name in the name dick scenario.
Yeah, well, it's easier with a 20-year-old, you fuckwit. Oh, and also, I felt like this was a gift to us. You know, it's the audience, but especially me and Ben, because this is our favorite thing about Austin.
Madison! Madison!
Madison! And we got a full Madison montage of Austin squeezing his wiener, going, Madison, you're a saint right now!
So editors, thank you. I took it personally. I took it as a gift. And thank you. I know it's delusional, but I don't even care. I loved it. So then we see a flashback of Audrey and Austin having lunch. I mean, these two are so meant to be together because Austin's like, well, you have big, big brown eyes like a little baby baby.
Oh God, get out of the road.
I don't know. Sorry. That was dangerous. And she's like, she's like a deer. And he goes, yeah, searching for the nearest espresso martini. Well,
I'm sure she sees a future with you too. A future of cleaning your ass and helping you downstairs. You old bastard. Okay. And you know that Ori you see about her? It's called youth. It's like a video game when you're dying and you're looking around for something that's pulsing with any kind of life that you could swallow to give you a little bit more. Yeah. Okay. That's what you're seeing.
You're seeing the glow of a MediPak in Call of Duty.
And Austin's like, that's great, bro.
And he's like, I mean, look, we've been lucky enough to have many wonderful girls come through our lives. To all the girls I've garshed before.
who've traveled in and cursed my doors it's just not exciting anymore and i'll say that you know just like a new conquest or whatever it just isn't and you know shep is really leaning into his like just an innocent little boy thing because his eyes are wide open this whole episode where he's like this girl's just so sweet golly gee what could i do to make her happy course
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, some people think vulnerability isn't manly. Well, fuck that.
Okay, now you're going to be vulnerable because you found a Miss Bahamas.
Hi, how are you?
What are you talking about?
maybe it's not emotionally vulnerable it's just that he opened himself up for mockery is that still vulnerable then maybe that's just i think gre i think i look at craig as just one of the trickier people because he's he's more manipulative like he's better at manipulating than everybody else craig's still a monster i love that people are so snowed by craig you know because he's so charming and adorable and he is his his good qualities i think are really good i think they outweigh his bad that we've seen on this show but his bad are pretty bad too
It wasn't that long ago that he was on Winter House throwing his cash at people going, I'm too rich to clean. And my parents were maids. I'm not cleaning another thing. That was literally five minutes ago. So, I mean, everybody is so quick to forget on Bravo, but I'm not. I'm that elephant who trampled the old lady in the village.
Do it.
Oh, we got an email from one of our recappers, Shelby, which was so funny. And I didn't even write back, which is so rude. So consider this your write back, Shelby. But she was like, oh, I wanted to update you on that story about the elephant who trampled who was trampled by. I wanted to update you on that story about the old lady that was trampled by the elephant. whose son that she killed.
No, it went away. It went away.
This old lady killed an elephant's kid and the elephant trampled the old lady. Okay, she goes, so I want to follow up. Not only did she trample the old lady, she showed up at her funeral and trampled everybody at the funeral too. Isn't that good? I want a poster of that fucking elephant. Okay? Yeah, that elephant is really... That's an amazing elephant.
The elephant will be played by Madeline Stowe, I feel like. So anyway, but yeah, vulnerable or not, they're going to talk shit about Craig now.
So the chef's like, I mean, I'm vulnerable and nobody wants to be vulnerable. I mean, look at Craig. He's never even confided in you about Paige, for example.
Oh, yeah. Okay. So that means that Paige is less. Craig is less vulnerable than you, who's been vulnerable for five minutes. Okay. Then I changed my answer before. Craig is definitely 100 times more vulnerable than any of the other guys on this show.
Yeah. So then Austin's like, he hasn't talked to me. He hasn't talked to me about anything. Not recently. You know, he's extremely wrapped up, Craig. And he's so reclusive. You know, he's like Howard Hughes. Yeah. Playboy, right? No. Vietnam War? No. Does he own the things like the IHOPs? No, that's Howard Johnson's. I don't know. God, I'm hungry. Can I get a Grand Slam? That's Denny's.
So Austin's like, you're right. Because Craig used to be the first fucking call. He was the first fucking call on my call list. But now, he doesn't even answer the phone. I miss him. I miss him. No. Oh, my God. Can we just start focusing on Austin above the nose? Can we just have the camera there? Can we just have Austin be like the neighbor on Home Improvements?
He's just always behind a fence because I can't watch that mouth moving anymore. I can't.
It makes sense. So Austin's like, you know, it's kind of like a big old man PR move. Like, if you see him with a beer in his hand, like he thinks they're like his whole business is going down. His whole business is going down. And he's like, yeah, well, you remember when he was on Adderall to the gills at that time? And he lied about everything, basically.
Yeah, it's called getting your shit together. Like, it's so funny that Shep is still all these years later trying to bring somebody down instead of doing literally anything for himself.
I mean, Craig's not vulnerable like us.
I mean, he quit drinking. He quit doing drugs. He's got a job and a career and a steady girlfriend. What a loser.
It is really funny, though, seeing Craig's TikTok. Because we're making fun of how everything's business now. We just see one of Craig's commercials, and he's like, our bedding is, like, so soft. It's hand-picked by me. Yeah. Cheese boards. Big beverage dispensers. Look, I'm going to pop something in my mouth. Ow. Ow. All right. Well, I shouldn't have tried that one. That was a beer can.
That hurt. Can we do that one over again? Craig, it's your TikTok, stupid. Okay, I won't publish it.
So Austin's just like, I miss my buddy too. I miss him. That's all I'm saying. I miss my buddy too.
Whatever it was. so they you know um they're like well craig doesn't like us anymore is basically the thing so shep calls craig and he gets sent right to voicemail and then we go to craig and pages and craig is skimming the pool whatever craig did in that backyard is fantastic i have to say that looks amazing as someone who's currently trying to get a deck finished
You know, today's the last day of my deck. All the guys are out there right now. There's a whole team. There's a Russian team. There's a Filipino team. There's a Hispanic team. All the guys are out there today. It's like literally corners of all the world back there are working their ass off doing this deck. We're doing lighting. We're doing all this stuff. It is hard, okay? It is hard.
And I saw Craig's, and I was like, wow, that is...
stunning like how does he do that i'm broke like i'm literally broke and mine is going to be possibly mediocre if i try really hard how do you do that his is like the garden of fucking eden bro whatever i want that well it's right come over i'm sorry what i said earlier about you about being a douchebag and throwing your money at people come on put some plants out for me babe
Oh, thanks. Okay, so then he's with Paige. And this scene is the funniest thing because Paige is just sitting at the pool dressed like she's in Hello Darling. I mean, she looks adorable. And she, you know, she always looks adorable. It's good to see Paige on TV. It's been a while. I love Paige. Right? Because Summer House ended a while ago, and I just haven't seen her in a while.
And it's good to see her. She's so cute. So she was sitting there on the phone. Huh? She's so good. She's sitting there scowling at her phone. She's scowling at her phone and just swiping like a teenager. And he's like, hey, babe, I'm skimming the pool. She's like, isn't this nice, babe? Yeah. You know what? Me and Paige, we used to party and stuff, but why would we even need to?
Because now we just hang out together. We're so happy just being together. Hey, honey, what do you want to do later? Shut up, Craig. Love you, babe. Right.
So Craig's like, you know, there's a corner of the green that's a little dirty. Should I blow it off? No. We have such a sanctuary here. Shut up, Craig. So Madison comes over.
And they're in the matching bikini with cover up thing.
It is really funny because she's on her phone. She won't even look at Craig that whole time. He's like, love you, honey. She's like, whatever, shut up, Craig. And then Madison comes in and she just like immediately like swipes down her phone and puts it down.
Have you been out to the world? I don't even, I can't even believe it's not on fire yet. Here's what people are doing on the road. They're just like, I'm done. It's Christmas. They're like, literally, it's like it's robots driving into trees is what it looks like. People just driving all over the road. Is anybody even there anymore? Today there was a checkout lady.
Let's talk guys. If she comes to life. It's so funny. It's like someone plugged her in and she's like, okay, I'm back to life. Stupid's done. Craig, stop talking. Great. Madison, fill me in.
This was so funny too. Cause they're literally like, are you ready to hang out? And they're like, yeah, let's hang out. And so the girls take off their coverups and then Craig takes off his shirt and then they just stand there in the same positions.
We're hanging out now, guys. We've, we've moved, we've removed some clothing. Let's talk. So they start chatting and Paige starts ordering him around for pasta salad and stuff.
So he's like, well, I told Paige about Patricia's. Oh, girl. It's like, I'm just saying like JT's saying crazy shit. The only sentence that Craig said to me was like, oh my God, JT said to people like JT and Madison hooked up and I go, no one thinks that genuinely.
You ain't going to disrespect my boyfriend and you ain't going to disrespect corn.
Well, anyway, he'll have to have you and Brett and Hudson come over and swim. We'll have to have you. And Craig's like, yeah, how are you? And she's like, great. But, you know, Brett has, she just drops it.
They're like, what? She's like, yeah, I know. But, you know, she's saying you don't just want everybody, especially people in this group, really involved in your shit, you know? And I guess I don't blame them.
He had cancer. Did you not know? She goes, no. But it also could have been something that he was telling her like, babe, did you know that Brett had cancer? Oh my God, that's terrible. While she's just scrolling through her phone.
I think she tried to scan my head at the store. I was like, girl, we just all need to quit our jobs because it's over for all of us. And I feel bad for anyone listening to this podcast right now because this is going to be mayhem because Because this is one of our last things we're doing this week. We're doing this. Yeah, we're doing this.
Yeah, just drops it in there somewhere.
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And Paige is like, how dare he insinuate that you might find him attractive? This is disgusting. I mean, what's, okay. Pretend I'm Barbara Walters. Okay, this is a microphone. What made you cry harder? Finding out your boyfriend has cancer or JT thinking that you would sleep with him? Be honest.
While she is completely in the right, she just really goes solo. Like, it becomes so mean that I'm like, oh, God, poor JT. I mean, it really is just like, he's ugly. He's disgusting. What is he trying to do? Chase children off of his bridge? I mean, Jesus Christ, what a troll.
And then we're going to do a summer house trailer trash for next week. And probably a bonus. So we'll be here all day still recording. But it is going to be Looney Tunes because we know this is it.
And that's hard.
And it's not only like, you know, you were a jerk for saying something. It's like, you're a jerk for even having the audacity to think I would ever be attracted to someone as ugly as you, which is just like, yikes. I mean, that takes it to a different level where I'm like, please don't make me feel bad for JT. Because that's not the spot I think you want the audience to be in at this point.
Like, you guys are on the level where you're getting what you want, but don't take it so far that everybody's going to switch around and then feel sorry for JT, you know?
So now let's go to Wolfgang. It's a dog store. It's a dog store, guys. Don't worry. No one's playing the piano here. Okay. No one is playing the piano. So it's the most effervescent gaze of our lives. Rodrigo and Tyler. Let's do it. Let's do this, guys. Let's do it. Smells delicious in here. Thank you. It's a secret. Oh, no, it's the lady who works there. She goes, thank you. It's a secret.
It's wet dog hair. Y'all get it right, you're gays. And they're like, that's so funny. So we're having a 13th birthday party for our dog, Bella. So we wanted some treats we could serve them. Do you have cakes? We do. Peanut butter, oats, doggy dog, dog, dog, dog, wet hair cakes. We can try that again. You got anybody? Gay laughter? No? Okay.
Well, you're taking the fun right out of the word gay, aren't you? It just means homosexuals now, doesn't it? Okay, well, I'll just stick with that then.
So he finds a little cowboy hat for a dog. And he's like, this is because we're going to have an inspiration with Dolly Parton. So we're going to have our party called Doggy Parton. And she's like, oh, that is the least gay name I've ever heard anybody come up with. I mean, you even made Dolly Parton sound unfun.
Can I find funner gays?
Okay? Okay, you can order a tiny cowboy hat. I'm going to go here on Postmates and see if I can order some fun gays. Okay? Let's see what gets here quicker.
You know, like, it's really fun, like, playing with them for a minute. But it's really good when you get to put them down. Like, what? I've never heard of a fixation. I mean, it's nice. It's nice, right? But it's also like, what? I've just never heard of that. We're really into adopting senior dogs.
That is actually nice because, yeah, they did say that they adopted this from an older woman who passed away. That is actually really cute.
Here's what I really like. I like a dog that snores really loudly all day. Which I have to say, Bueller's in that era right now. Well, he was born in 2012. So what does that make him? That makes him 12, right? So he's 12. I keep saying 13, but I think he's 12. So Bueller is in that kind of old man state right now.
And it is a nice stage to own a dog because it's literally it's like, hey, you have to throw the ball two times a day. That's it. Because he's exhausted after that. And then all he does is lay there and snore and look cute and then cuddle with me. That's great. I mean, that's a really cute era for a dog, you know. Yeah, no, that's, that, that.
Do not leave me.
Bro, I think we're talking ourself into senior dogs right now. I'm like, these guys are so stupid getting senior dogs. What senior dog? Now I'm like, I want old ass dogs only for the rest of my life. This is like a good trend.
It's just everybody has dropped the mic already. It's like work is already done for everybody. They're just done. But the Karen Huger thing, we won't be doing the Potomac recap, but we did do a mini recap of her arrest story. That's on our TikTok and our Instagram and our YouTube. So that should be up now. So go check that out for our take on that stuff.
I do not want those dogs. They're the worst. Yeah, I don't want those. They're just humping every pillow. You can't get a new pillow from HomeGoods because they're humping it. It's like, that is not your girlfriend.
You're doing kegs, you're doing like milk bone stands on your head. So- I would get like the president of the drama club dog. So they're going to have 12 dogs at this party. And Tyler was like, well, what about humans? Is anyone's going to come? Or I mean, like, what's that about?
And he's like, well, you know, after talking to Austin, we just felt like it was better to like pump the brakes on having JT there, you know?
and um so we so tyler's like well so he's in the dog house is that what you're saying and the lady's like that was an attempt you attempted something and for that here here's a milk bone it's milk bone with the bow on it okay put it in your hair just you know just keep calling yourself gay and trying maybe you know what fake it till you make it that's what i say gays um you know what
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all of a sudden look at this austin all of a sudden is now like just oh yeah good old austin like people just forget he don't forget everyone he's a douchebag and you shouldn't be going to him to find out who should be coming to your party right but austin did tell him that he called patricia a bitch and you know any gay in town's gonna be like oh yeah you don't fuck with that oh yeah i'm sorry you will not be coming yeah he told him so he's like here's the scene right here yeah we see a flashback literally he is banned so then we go to patricia and whitney's house and um
A letter comes through the mail slot and Patricia goes, that's the mail slot.
That's where I put Randy's hand through and then I walk to the other end of it and just start hitting it with butter knives until it does what I want.
Well, I can see what it is, mother. I just, it's a, it's a, it's a, a navy blue envelope with a black pen. So you got to look at it like a hydroglyphics, but it says, I think to miss Patricia from JT. Well, how does he expect anyone to see this? Randy, get in here. Sorry, ma'am. I'm still tied to the radiator. God damn it. Randy, untie yourself.
That's the last thing they want to hear in the South. I'm not doing it. State's rights, am I right? Hey, Whitney, could you press that little button next to you on the coffee table? Sure, Mom. That was so funny. I had some ice water hanging in a bucket above where Randy is tied up. So funny. All right. So let's read the rest of this. Well, inclusion. Okay.
Well, I didn't realize he was giving everybody a cane. But, I mean, I can still do handstands and cartwheels and push buttons. Watch.
Ah!
what a pussy she's an icon she really does and they don't get it she goes oh my god look at the handwriting yeah it's exactly like you said if she thinks you're an idiot it doesn't matter what you write yeah and when he's like looks looks like it was written by a 10 year old J.T., you know, he's just like an annoying gnat.
I mean, I don't know anything that he could say or write that would interest me at this point. But letter writing is a lost art form. So in that respect, it is a nice gesture. Now, can he write? No. But he tried. I like that she at least gave him that point, you know.
apparently another lost art form is giving your mother grandchildren whitney mother it's not about me right now so it's like mother is it is it is it even confirmed that he called you a bitch well i'm assuming it's true but i don't know because it wouldn't be the first time that's for sure i mean city council just convened last week good lord half of the
meeting was spent calling me a bitch so you know getting lines what i say you know lines are a lost art form so lord knows that hint that handwriting needed a few lines to write on
So we see that scene of Craig in 2017 talking to his therapist, who basically looks like shocked Pikachu the entire time. He's like, yeah, I can convince a lot of people of anything I want to convince them of because I'm a great liar. And she's just like. Do you really?
Yeah. So Patricia's like, oh, you know, I hate, I hate, you know, I know that you hate when I speak French, but listen, the aim now is just an intent cordial. So just to be cordial is what I'm trying to say. And he's like, okay. Homewards and upwards, you know. Oh, right, right. Mother, say it. All right, Whitney. Jesus Christ, you overeducated little fucker. Go impregnate somebody already.
I'm exhausted.
So they make small talk. He's like, I'm just so glad you're here. She's like, me too. So he's like, yeah, I just I've never dated anyone quite like Sienna. She walks into a room and you're like, whoa, who's this? Thankfully, she's always wearing a sash.
So, you know.
well i have this fantasy basically you know in my mind we're not living in the bahamas with her for the rest of my life and i just surf and i fish and we'll have kids or something they'll run around the island you know i just oh god chef of course that's you're sorry craig did it first craig did it first sorry craig did the like eat pray love and bahamas thing and came back and started a business so find a new fantasy correct uh shep
Yeah, I just... I don't know. I kind of feel bad for Shep, but then, I don't know. Then I'm like, you're just wasting your time. Stop falling into the trap. I need to stop falling into the trap. It's just so sad. It's a midlife crisis.
When did you get out of my room? Wow, c'est la vie. I can't believe you know that. How's your French?
And she's like, j'ai parlé français, tout le monde.
Oh, wow, Goosebumpios, am I right? Entente!
Okay, let's get on with the show, shall we? Southern Charm, season 10, episode 3, Gone to the Dogs. My first thought. God, the music on this show really is top notch. And we say it every season. They go above and beyond. I mean, you know, in old movies, how you see movies about how old movies were being made.
So square Paul, uh, pond or whatever.
I'll bet they did actually. Cause they showed a couple of, of door girls that we didn't see. I wonder if they were like trying to try, decide which show to put them on. Cause there's a lot of cross poly here.
Hmm.
Yeah. So we also like that. That's my industry term. Cross poly guys. That's what we, that's how we say it in the end.
Polly, who likes to cross streams with other girls named Polly.
That is pretty cool, actually. I was not expecting that. I was absolutely not expecting that. And so her and Gaston are both kind of in the medical industry. Who knew? I thought you were just supposed to be bimbo trash to be on this show. And I mean, both of them, himbo bimbo trash, you know, but no, they're like, actually, they got it going.
Now, how long before she gives that up to try and sell spritzers to Leva? Who knows? We'll see. Oh, gosh. I forgot. They're talking. It's so funny that Taylor's still on this show because she really is just like a wet blanket. She's like... Yeah. So it's like crazy. She sells medical devices. It's so neat. So like, what's it like? Oh no, this isn't her. Who's she with? She's with Molly.
Sally is kind of like this too. They've got a lot of, they've got a lot of blondes who are, they've got a lot of monotone blondes happening right now on the show.
yeah so um basically they're talking about the boys and molly's like you know whitney can be an insensitive asshole but whatever i could just kind of talk my way around it in my head like maybe he's just flirting when he's calling me fat oh fine love that for me great love that
and molly that molly's excusing it she's like you know when he could be an insensitive but i kind of like talk my way around it in my head maybe that's what i was just saying like maybe he's just flirting you know like i love that for me so then molly's like yeah okay well shep you know shep was talking about you a little bit she's like well what'd he say so then um we see um
Shep and Sally were telling the same story about each other.
So Shep's telling it like, whoa, Mustang Sally, she used me and I liked it. Roar!
And you see basically a whole orchestra that just sitting there playing with the movie as it goes, you know, scoring it live. That's how the show really feels. And whoever is playing the instrument that goes, doink. What instrument is that? I forget what that's called. It's a percussion. Yeah. It's like a specific thing. Who plays that? Because they deserve a Grammy Award.
And so then Flash, Shep's version is like, yeah, but I was like, I want to stay here.
And she's like, no, you're not staying here. Who can you believe in?
So I get in the Uber and the Uber's like, what's up, bro? And I'm like, something just happened.
Yeah, Taylor said that he maybe isn't the kind of guy who cares the most about pleasing a woman.
Okay, I know what dreams are really like. So now they start talking about the dog party. Is Gaston going to be there with Taylor? And Sally's like, oh my God. Like, obviously I don't have anything good to say about him, but like, that's my story. You know, that doesn't have to be Taylor's story because me and Gaston dated for three months and he was like my person.
You know how you are when you're dating somebody for three months. Like you're my person. We were basically married, but you know, um, he was cheating the whole time, but it doesn't mean he's cheating on Taylor. I mean,
Yeah, which is weird because I thought he was thirsty to be on TV. So I'm not really sure what's going on. I'm not reading the situation properly. Is he waiting for his moment? Like, what's he doing? What are you doing? What are you doing, you thirsty man?
What?
I don't need that. Yeah. Taylor, Taylor doesn't really know how to pick them. So let's see how this goes. So now it's the doggy part in time. And so we hear the story about the gays adopting the dog from an elderly woman who couldn't take care of the dogs anymore. And so he's like, yeah, I love dogs more than humans. So, well, yeah, look at the humans you hang out with. I don't blame you.
Yeah. So now more people arise, arise, arrive. They're arising! People start coming out of the ground.
I don't know if he even exists. Well, he's not here. I mean, who is he? Is he real? And then Molly and Sally come and I don't know. It's an arrival scene. You know how it goes. So Sally's like, so Taylor, it just keeps cutting to Taylor to make like drama. Like, oh, Sally just came in. Let's get Taylor's reaction. But Taylor's just like sitting there kind of bucktoothed like,
They're so talented with it. They did such a good job in this episode. And that's like JT's instrument. You know how they have like Peter and the Wolf and every character has its own instrument or whatever. Like someone's the flute. And then, you know, whatever. JT is that... So good. You guys are doing so good on this music. So, so good.
And then they'll show Sally hugging somebody, and then it'll cut back to Taylor, and Taylor's just sitting there with a deadpan. It's so funny. They're trying to make Taylor into this huge soap opera star, and there's literally nothing there. It's like the shades are down, you know?
So then Taylor is dressed like Bret Michaels and she's like, yeah, rock of love, baby.
You swallow your goddamn words.
That was an amazing piece of television. That was Americana. What are you, even an American? Get out. Get out of my country. You don't belong here anymore. I'm done with you.
Rock of Love was amazing. I hope they do it again. Diabetes. I love that show. Diabetes. Diabetes. I got diabetes. So then, you know, lots of small talk and stuff like that. Love It Comes. And, of course, she's super fun. She's like, like your cowboy hat. And Roderick goes, like, yeah, we stood up all night bedazzling it. She goes, really? He goes, no, we bought it like this. She's like, oh.
just you know barrel of fun so then um uh we see little craig i mean everything's like super cute guys so now leva's like oh my god is shep coming with little craig and tyler's like yeah and then are they bringing the girlfriend what's going on what's going on what's going on with jt and so jt rodrigo's like i'm not inviting him you know like there was a certain level of bombast that wasn't necessary
Phrases like there was a certain level of bombast that wasn't necessary there. So I need more of that in my life. I'm going to start talking like the people in these shows. Like, well, man, could we could we lighten up with the bombast?
Okay, lady that won't hide Mia and what's her buns back on Southern hospitality over a fairly minor infraction. Okay. There we go.
So she's like, I don't know. Let's just play the devil's advocate. And Taylor's like, yeah, that's just not JT. I mean, his whole storyline last year was standing up for the women. So the fact that he's just coming around and being like, that woman's a bitch and this one wants to fuck me is weird. But to be fair, JT's annoying, but he didn't say that he thinks Madison is trying to fuck him.
And that's what everybody else is saying. They're saying that he's assuming that Madison wants to fuck him. That's not what he was saying. He's saying... The boyfriend thinks that he was doing something or he was acting fishy or inappropriate with Madison. And that's what he's being called about. It's not that Madison would want to fuck him. It's that the boyfriend is suspicious. That's weird.
Yes. Which is true. Which we find out is completely true.
So I'm the original beta blocker. So then Leva is talking to Taylor and they're talking about the girlfriend, Shep's girlfriend, and she hasn't met her. And Leva's like, is that his girlfriend? And Taylor's like, I think that's one on his roster. And it's like, and then it cuts to her soap opera face, which is like this. It's like she just sharted.
It's just that plane, like one tooth sticking out, staring off into the distance.
Ow! I tripped over a rope and it dropped a paint can on my head.
Garsh! So he's like, you know, I haven't heard good things about Gaston.
If he was a stock, all the analysts are saying, sell! I haven't met one analyst who said, buy! I'll leave it at that. I wouldn't buy that stock with my daddy's money.
So then Tyler is asking Taylor, she's met Sienna yet. So she's like, no, that I should, but I don't want to like go up to her, you know, like say what? Like, hi, nice to meet you. So, so, I mean, I talked to Shep, but like, I would feel more comfortable if he was like, I want to introduce you. But of course he's being awkward. Cause like, I don't want to be awkward. Just introduce me.
Like, I don't care. Like, what am I awkward? I'm not, I'm totally fine. Look at me. I'm totally fine. I'm great. Everything's great. Yeah.
I'm seeing this funny. Cause she goes, oh, hi, I've heard so much about you. She goes, oh, thank you. Well, hopefully good things. And she goes, mostly. Yeah.
I know it seemed like she was being bitchy to Taylor, but I took it as her bonding with Taylor being bitchy about Shep, almost, in a way, if that makes any sense. She was like, yeah, of course he's bitching. What an idiot. You know what I mean? But I don't know. So I'm hoping it was that way. I guess I'm hoping that she's more of a girl's girl. But then Madison's like, oh, okay.
So they're like, I guess we'll see how this turns out. So then Sienna motions to Shep and Taylor and she's like, oh, wow, look at you guys. You have the same scarf on because they're both wearing a red bandana.
But I think Lisa Vanderpump still wins the dog thing because this show isn't really trying to stop dogs from being turned into quesadillas. And Lisa Vanderpump is really big on, you know, keeping dogs out of the Subway sandwich shop. So I think that she wins. But, yeah, I love a good big dog event.
And Shep's like, oh, well, this wasn't coordinated. Barely know her. Who is she? I don't know.
Yeah. And that was pretty creepy. So then Molly's like, are you okay? She was asking Taylor. She goes, yeah. I mean, I just met Shep's girlfriend, question mark. And Molly's like, well, I asked Whitney how long they'd been seeing each other. And he said six months. And Molly's like, no matter how over someone you are, like seeing a guy walk in like that, that's rough.
I mean, that can be triggering. You know, it can be bringing up old wounds. I mean, I wouldn't like it. That girl's hot. That girl's hot.
Oh, wazoo.
That girl's hot.
If this was Southern Hospitality, TJ would have just splooged all over the screen.
So I just love that he narrates his own life for the TV. He's just so awkward at this, you know? So then we go to him calling Madison.
Yeah, nothing really happened. But a lot of intrigue of people meeting people and people. And this is very ensemble-y today, the way they're doing the show today. They literally show everybody on the show and then bring them all together. And everyone's awkward because everyone's new to each other. So it's actually kind of a reset this season, which is odd.
It's like a bunch of the same people, but they're all in new situations. And I don't know, they did a pretty good job setting up a new season.
Well, this time they're doing a good job because they're not just – usually they try and mix them with a more powerful person or a person who's been there longer, right? So it's like Taylor can only be shot with Shep in some way or Austin. They have to be shot with somebody big. And this time they're just like, okay, let's just have a scene of the newbies at the dog store.
And then let's have a scene with these newbies taking a walk around the lake. Like they don't care. They're just like – We're just going to let, we don't care if the audience doesn't know them. We'll just let them figure it out. I mean, it's interesting. It's an interesting way to do it. It's pretty good. I think it's working so far.
Yeah. They're like, let's just put random people walking around. Not Vanita though. You know, let's just keep Vanita steaming a shirt. We got the steam. That was pretty good. All right. That's good math, guys. So Madison and JC go to meet up at a coffee shop and it's, I was mad.
No kidding. but we do get the Amazon package. So that's good. Cause JT is opening the Amazon package. So, uh, so they go meet at this coffee shop and, um, he's like, I'm just going to have some water. You know what? Tea would be welcomed. Okay. Can you just order the fucking tea, bro? So he goes out and, um, this is awkward as hell. This scene, this is so awkward. Um,
So we see flashbacks to what he's talking about, the Craig stuff and all that. So Madison's like, well, you know, I feel blindsided that I thought we were friends. It has never been anything more than that. And I'm sorry, J.D., but are you blind? Have you seen my husband? Do you really think that for one second I would trade corn for... For an avocado? I mean, look at yourself.
You can't even be left out on the counter for a day without turning squishy.
Nobody wants you, avocado, okay? I was born for corn, and my husband is corn. You are hideous. You are disgusting. You have the face of a dog and a beaver mixed.
You look like a dog and a beaver made a baby, and it's disgusting. Go build a dam and chase a stick, beaver dog, okay? Leave me alone.
Dun, dun, dun, JT was correct. What JC was right, JT said was right. He did call and he did insinuate that something might have been going on with them. So that was weird. Now, the fact that he came on and went so hard with it with Craig and Austin was not the best way to go about it and really stupid. And I hate even sticking up for JT, but he wasn't really wrong.
By the way, how offensive is this? So he is jealous, but also what's really probably devastating, and you see that JT has just like really been dissed. Like JT is really being not only read for filth, but just talked down to and just such a bad, like it's demeaning, you know? And I'm laughing at this JT, but it's also sad. And it's so sad because it's not only like,
I don't want this whole thing wasn't about me wanting to Brett being jealous of you. Who would be jealous of you? This whole thing was about Brett being jealous of Austin. And that's like, ouch, that's really an out, you know, and you just see his face fall. He's like, yeah, I have no idea. Like, he's like, I'm going to go out of here limping on both legs.
Let me tell you what happened when I called mom the B word. Can I get some help from the orchestra? Thank you. I think enough is said there. So he basically says, listen, I'm sorry. I said what I said to the boys about how I received the FaceTime call, and I didn't know how to handle it. And I wish I'd come to you. And I'd like to leave it there. This does not need to go further.
And she goes, wow, you are unbelievable. I thought that was a pretty good apology. I mean, what the hell? I thought so, too. She said, I don't even know why I'm wasting my time. Because she has decided now he sucks. She needs somebody to hate on this show. Madison's really nothing without somebody to hate on. And she's got him. And she's like, I'm not letting this go, basically.
Thanks for nothing. I'm going to torture you now for the rest of the season. Have fun, sucker. But also, we have to remember, this is Craig's fault for how he set everything up. And in this moment, she's just like, I'm not believing you, you thirsty idiot. You called her a bitch. You basically insinuated I was a slut, and you're not going to talk your way out of it.
So I don't know that I even blame her because Craig set it up in such a way that he's really not going to get out of this hole, right?
Okay, well, thanks so much for being here, everybody. We will be back with Southern Charm in a couple of weeks when it comes back. And we sure love you guys. Have an amazing holiday, an amazing new year. We love you guys. Thank you for everything you do for us on this show. You know, you give us the best life. So thank you for being here with us. We really appreciate you guys, and we love you.
Yes, there will be a break for us, a few days for us. But Krappens will be on every day of the week, baby. So come on back. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.
That's what I have to say, because I've tried to steam with my clothes on too. And that never works out for me. And I have little tiny nipples. They've turned into like little toaster toaster dots. And it's not fun because I have steamed my nipples. Okay. Not steamed them, but you know, you hit them with the iron part and your shirt.
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Um, that's not good, but I like that this show is still just reminding us that Vinita is here every episode at the beginning. And then we never hear from her again. Like the last episode, she at least had a scene where she was talking to JT about how she wanted to go to lunch with him and stuff. But mostly it's like, here's Vanita steaming something. And then that's it.
You really never hear another peep. Yeah. Here's our resident dog talker tour.
Oh, you wanted the end of the storyline?
Like they opened... They established a shot with the leaves, but then they didn't show you what happened to the leaves. And so you feel... It was like a snow globe. It's like Chekhov's leaves. You're like, what the hell?
You can't, you can't introduce a leaf blower and not have it finish the job. Come on.
man this is drama seriously seriously well i will say this my uh suspicion is that gaston's just a user piece of trash douchebag because all we've seen of him what gives you that what gives you that impression he's named after the beauty and the beast character i don't care what anybody says from europe okay you're you that is a very common name where you're from in america he's a douchebag i'm sorry that's just how it is especially when he was born at the time he was born
If his parents are American-born parents, then those are people who named him after the character Gaston, which destined him to be a douchebag. Period. That's just it. You guys can argue with me all you want, but that is just the end of my story.
So anyway, Gaston's a douchebag just because of that, and also because he just kind of dates everybody who's TV-adjacent trying to get on these shows, and here he is. Now, that said, I would like to kind of hedge my bet... Well, okay, look, here's this. He's probably a douchebag, but, you know, he's a douchebag that I would keep in my house because he comes over with a leaf blower.
And you know what? You can use me, but if you're also doing services, then I feel it's fair.
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Well, she didn't get to do anything on Southern Hospitality. She showed up, got slut-shamed, and got sent away. And that was pretty much it for her job there. She showed up as someone who banged Joe Bradley, and then he told her off because she also banged somebody else within, like, what, a 24-hour period that he knew. Like, didn't Gaston live downstairs? Yeah.
It was Gaston that he that she banged at that time. Right. So it was. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Sally. I mean, Sally was just making it to every Bravo show. She was just looking at production schedules, just showing up and doing what needed to be done. But yeah, they slut shamed her and then she was out. And I felt like that was unfair.
And she also, she not only got slut shamed, but she got guilted about disrespecting Joe's grandma's Parmesan because she taught him how to cook chicken Parmesan. Wasn't it that he cooked his grandma's special chicken Parmesan for Sally and then she did this to him?
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Yeah, it was just so cringy because it's just one of those soap opera scenes which we see on these shows sometimes with people who really don't have anybody in their lives. I mean, we see it with Garcelle a lot. Like this week when she was like... Oh, here I am on the internet looking at the credits of my new film where I'm an executive producer, which touches me so deeply.
I wish my mother was here right now to watch me squeeze out this solitary tear. Wah, wah, wah, wah. And JT's having that scene right now by himself where he's like... Well, I guess I should take some insulin. Geez, now I must write a letter to Miss Patricia. Here I am taking a pen and putting it to paper. Who knows how to write a letter anymore? How shall I go about such a thing? Come on, guys.
Really? This is what we fall into on this show. And poor guy cannot write. He does not know how to string English together. And I blame George Bush. Who do you blame for the education system just taking a turn for the worst?
What is Karen driving down the road? That's what anyone in the car with Karen screams. Deer! Deer! Whoops, whoops. Get out of the road.
Annie Gone would give me an issue. She's like, who? What? What? They're like, drunk. She's drunk. She is wasted. This is horrifying in a way, but it's also... Hands down, I have to say the best DUI video I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of them. This was the best. I mean, it was, listen, she might go to jail. This was bad. She got found guilty. It's her second time. This was egregious.
This was egregious. She should not have been driving. It's terrible. She may be guilty of this. We all know that she is now officially guilty of this. But something else she is also guilty of is art. You know, she's an artist.
I love watching True Detective, and I actually haven't seen the Jodie Foster season, so I'm starting that tonight. I'm so excited to get into that.
yeah now we know and you know what now we've said it we're embarrassed so we both apologize because you know i should have known better too i should have been like ben that is judith lieber i know i was like how could i have not known the judith lieber passport holder because girl people love their judith lieber like i've never you know why would i i'm an old navy gay i don't know anything but um i was like wow is it judith light is judith light making these because i've never seen a more famous judith in my life like
Yeah. Crazy. Judith Lieber. Guess what? You're the boss. Don't even anybody ask who's the boss. It's Judith fucking Lieber. That's who's the boss. Yeah.
Gay people showed up to get Ben's door and literally patted him down to find his gay card, and they took it. Ben's not even allowed to suck wieners anymore. They've taken it away from him.
That's huge. And it's even funnier because no one loves, like, global entry and passport issues more than Ben. Like, honestly. Ben has every kind of entry that you can get into every country. He collects them. He's like, are you in this line? I'm in this line. And he, like, moves his shoulders like this to walk over to the line because he's, like, so proud.
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And, like, lines that I've never heard of. So I was shocked that you weren't up on the current glam passport line.
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Okay, so let's get on with this. So, um... We're water aerobics. And Whitney's like, it's actually a great workout and retirees love it. So I thought that Angie and Heather would love it too.
I keep up with enough. I'm not keeping Puerto Vallarta aerobic passport queens in my brain. I just can't do it.
It's all Greek to me. So then now they're like, Angie's like, well, you know, the water takes the pressure off. Am I right? Isn't that the whole point of it? And Whitney's like, speaking of pressure, how about Bronwyn last night? Like, I felt bad because it's hard to see one of your friends defeated like that. You know, because we've all been in the. Whitney. What? Finish your sentence.
I wasn't talking. You were.
By the way, that was... Water aerobics is for senior citizens. It is also good for your health of your joints. So I thought Heather and Angie would also like it.
Water aerobics is good for your joints and senior citizens love it. So I thought Heather and Angie would love it too.
It was so weird because I had to like drive back with a gigantic styrofoam cup full of ranchero sauce to sip on. It's the only way they can calm me down. So Bronwyn's like, no, I, you know, here's, I called Todd and I told him about the attack and he said, it's probably just a scratch. And so he didn't come. And then when he saw the pictures, he said, oh yeah, that was more than a scratch.
Heather's pretty dramatic for someone who's had an entire body transplant. There's literally these people on Bravo have literally had everything removed and replaced. They're like when you're trying to like check a car and see if it's a lemon before you buy it. And they're like, everything was replaced with Japanese parts. Is that OK? These are these are all parts off of Amazon.
Are you OK with that? And you're like, I'm totally I just need something that drives. You know what I mean? So Heather's saying they're used to healing is what I'm saying. Yes. I'm sorry. I didn't wrap that up, but.
speaking of pressure we're so close to friday like i can't even we're so far we're so close yet so far away from friday always wait can i be unprofessional i need to please what do you think i'm doing over here running for president speak
Well, guys, Ben is about to get fired, so I'm going to give you Ben's biggest trauma story. Don, don, don. One time, Ben had to go through the passport line with an unglittered passport by Judith Lieber.
Okay, so then end of flashback and we cut back to the pool and Heather's like, they had to show FaceTime video for wounds to get him to come. And like Lisa described their relationship, like he's obsessed with her, but I've not seen that. Like, I think he's kind of mean to her and he dismisses her. And then we see the bat mitzvah flashback where Tal's like, I was trying to be respectful.
And Bronwyn's saying, well, I told her 10 times that if there wasn't an apology, I wasn't interested.
I love that you come back to Werther's so much. You know, I love Werther's originals. I eat them every day of my life. How dare you?
I mean, yeah, I guess so. I guess it's bad. It's bad that he didn't go to the emergency room. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's bad. Yeah, that's bad. That's bad. Yeah, that's. Well, look, Todd's an asshole. I mean, Todd is an old grumpy asshole. You know, I'm not going to ever stand up for Todd. I think he's an ass.
You know, I save that. It's like, you know, it's like when you're checking out at HomeGoods and they're like, would you like to give a little bit of benefit of the doubt to the children of St. Jude's? I'm like, no, not really. You do it.
i literally doubt that they're sending that money to those children i don't believe them and also they're a giant corporation how about you donate part of your profits and stay away from me guess who i'm donating to my guest i'm just kidding but i do have a good home good story about that later stay tuned ben okay so um heather is like pressure i don't see the respect and love but i can totally relate because i was in a marriage like that okay
you were not it's not your marriage okay so just we this is not time to start rehashing that old man with that old man in a hot tub your husband is still somewhere in a hot tub alone just waiting for someone to come visit playing every time you mention him i feel sad
I don't even know why I'm taking a stance. I just... Literally, you could be like, and then she chewed her fingernails. I'd be like, fingernails? What a loser. Who chooses their fingernails anymore? I disagree. I'm just disagreeing just with anything. I don't care.
So she's like, you know, my husband was an asshole to me and I'm supposed to just be lucky because he didn't cheat on me and he wasn't addicted to drugs. So what's my problem? You know, and she's right that that's not that I'm saying that not all that that's all great.
It's just funny because on this show, if one person is like has a problem, then everyone else is like, well, guess what happened to me? And then they start competing with him.
each other so i guess it's kind of normal right in a friend group you know what your husband used to used to your husband was the ceo of palm pilots well guess what my husband had a pilot pen so i know what it's like yeah my if my husband was a pilot he would have he would have taken brigham young somewhere because i am mormon royalty and we drove brigham young around so suck it
So then Heather's talking about how she's so wounded. We're losing our minds. We've lost our minds. Yeah, people should just turn this off, honestly. Yeah, this is, I think, the only show you'll listen to that actively asks you to turn it off while you're listening. Just spare yourself a favor. Here's what's coming up in this recap. More home goods stories.
Okay, so Heather's like, you know, I'm wounded for my marriage because I put myself in the backseat and I pandered to him. And regardless of how I was doing that, I was betraying myself. And so I can't stand dismissive husbands. And I agree with her. You know, that sucks. And it does suck for Bronwyn as well. Now, here's the thing. He's dismissive, but he's extremely wealthy. Yeah.
so sometimes i'm like okay you need to put it on a scale like could he treat her better of course willie probably not is it worth spending ten thousand dollars every outfit and then literally changing outfits every day maybe to some people it is to me it's not but to some people it is but that's still an i'm just saying you know you can't always give the advice leave him because sometimes the advice would lead you to a two-bedroom apartment and i would rather have the clothes
Great point.
So they're asking about when Mary's coming and all that stuff. And now they want to go eat. And Andrew's like, we've worked up an appetite, eh? Let us go eat a banana.
i love that that's now that is some real house swipery right there okay like wow i am starving we just worked out i am starving let's have a single banana that we can split three ways and then uh heather's like banana i want french toast and cereal and eggs and sausage and which we know she's not going to eat because she's medicated here here's one thing i want to say um as someone who's also medicated i read a headline the other day
That Heather was quitting Ozempic because she was sick of being body shamed and everybody commenting on her body and giving her shit online. You guys cut that bullshit out. Just cut it out. It's enough now. It's been years of this shit. You don't understand what it's like being bigger and you don't understand what it's like having something that can help you.
Just shut the fuck up if you're not suffering from it.
it and leave everybody alone stop bullying everybody for like that you don't like body shaming but it's okay when it's on your terms and you can do when you're offended about something but you know what some of us need this and it really helps it's like life changing in a way you don't even understand and that's fine you can not like it but stop bullying people about it it's just mean and it's stupid and you look stupid and ignorant at this point i'm so over it
And it's been this thing that's been like, okay, for now, what, a year that people have been doing this ever since we, well, it's longer than that since we started it. And it's just like, be quiet. Just leave people alone. You don't understand the mental shit you put people through when you do that. Stop, be nicer. For Christ's sake. If you need to take it, then you take it.
For Christ's sake, stop listening. Because they're going to shame you when you're fat and they're going to shame you when you're thin. They're going to shame you when you eat too much. They're going to shame you when you don't eat enough. They're going to shame you, shame you, shame you. So shame on them. Fuck them. That's what you need to do. Just say fuck them.
Yeah. Girl. Yeah. That's a great point.
That's a great point. I'm going to put my little rock pellets out and you all can just leave me alone. Shame people for their actions.
literally in the same sentence that she's like mad that someone's calling her bougie and spoiled she's acting like this about a canvas bag that 99 of us use
and also it's a good toe bag because yes it is branded which is tacky but it says vita tequila and that means tequila life to anybody to anybody who speaks the language so i think it works even if you don't know what the brand is it's like yes you're living that tequila life baby so you know whatever that brand i love i love tote bags i have too many and i just want more and more and more yeah i'm not saying i'm not just not taking away joy
yeah i'm not trying to get a free vita tequila tote bag i'm just trying to send it to you so why not she's already she already owes about seven hundred thousand dollars to various vendors i'm sure she's got some of those lying around
i mean i still have my bottle of vita tequila that i drink from every now and then so i need the tote bag to go with it lisa god lisa get on the ball lisa you're really slacking over there okay so then um bronwyn yeah does her thing okay so now they pack into the uh sprinter van and uh they're joking around about how bronwyn's chairs
reclining back and they're like shaking her chair and then meredith just leans against the back seat and closes her eyes and just does a little thing
Speaking of pressure. So then Brittany is like, well, I'm not surprised that Meredith is exhausted today. And then we see a flashback where Heather is talking to Brittany. And Heather's like, how are things this morning? And then Brittany's like, well, I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Meredith crying and throwing up. Dun, dun, dun. Oh, she was definitely exhausted.
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And then the girls get to a boat and it's called the best day. So they love that. And I'm like, oh my God, cheers to the best day ever. And they start dancing and Bronwyn won't dance. So they all dance for Bronwyn and it's awkward. It's as awkward and crackery as we would think. And then, let's see, Bronwyn's like, you know, who cares?
So then they start talking about summer plans and stuff like that.
That's a collecting culture. And Heather's like, oh my God, what about the way he says Jean Paul Gaultier? And she's like, oh my God, he says it with like a French accent.
When she was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, guys, my daughter is finally talking to me. Well, Jared's not, so I called my daughter back for once. So that was, so then Lisa's like, wait, what? She goes, you know, last night when I was making that announcement, I was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, remember?
My daughter's finally talking to me after six months, literal crickets, guys.
Are you talking about Rudy's replacement on the Cosby show? Because she wasn't as cute. Are we allowed to say that now as enough time passed?
Was that her name, Olivia? Is that in my head? I'm going to put Rudy's replacement. What if I got that wrong? Are you talking about the mom from The Sopranos? Now, that would have been a cute replacement for Rudy.
Yeah, she didn't replace Rudy, by the way. She just came on after Rudy. You guys, I'm falling down a Cosby show rabbit hole.
Olivia.
I don't remember. Yeah, hold on. Cosby. I don't want to say it wrong. You know what I mean? I was young when that show came out. You don't want to have a Judith Lieber moment. I get it. Do you remember when Olivia came out with Passports with jewels on them? There was an episode called The Cosby Show, Olivia Comes Out of the Closet. What the hell? You know what sitcom titles in the 80s, I can't.
Yeah, Olivia Simone Kendall is a character in The Cosby Show. She's Denise Huxtable's precocious stepdaughter. Why doesn't it say that in big bold letters right at the beginning? Okay, Raven-Symoné, wow.
literally says it in big bold isn't that so funny that like i know i totally know who raven simone is i didn't know she was famous from that i just thought she was famous from that so raven that's when that was like uh yeah okay so who's cuter raven i just live here already
Great, great times, everybody. Wow. Yeah. Exciting times. All right. Yeah, let's get on with her, Ben. This is a video, as usual, over on Patreon, Krappens on Demand. Let's begin. We open in Puerto Vallarta, day two. Heather is in an oddly shaped swing outside of her room. You know, I love that people just keep trying to reinvent the swing.
No, you're such a liar. Okay, I don't believe you're Google. No, I'm going to share you what I see on my Google so then I can look smart. I'm a screen sharer now. Who do you think is a screen sharer in this family? Me. I'm the screen sharer, so I'm going to show you right now. That's my wiener. Sorry, everybody. Okay, do you see my screen?
This is what... Wait, am I showing you... It's like an infinite loop on... Literally nobody cares. Are you guys still listening to this recap? I warned you not to. Why are you still here? Okay, look.
Wait, do you want to? Do you see it? Okay. Look, it just says all this stuff. It's like Cosby Show. This is who Olivia Kendall is. Cosby Show. Olivia comes out of the closet. Nowhere does it say Raven-Symoné. I feel like she should sue Google. Oh, played by Raven-Symoné right here. Okay, whatever. It's small. It's small, bold letters. Whatever, you guys. Get off my ass, okay? Judith Lieber.
Ben, you don't know who Judith Lieber is.
That's so Judith. Okay. Back to the show. Okay, so Brittany's like, yeah, I mean, come on, guys. No one's paying attention to me. And they're like, we don't even know your kid, you know? And she goes, yeah, and we weren't even talking about you. We were talking about Lisa's son.
And she's like, well, I know, but last night when I made the announcement, and Angie's like, not to be rude, but we were just like in this moment about Henry and colognes and him being an only, and now you turned it onto you.
And Lucy goes, Brittany, Brittany, Brittany, I want to tell you something. What? It's weird.
It's weird, Brittany.
and britney nobody likes you and your stories are thirsty and attention grabbing and all you're trying to do is get attention you're a terrible person okay you're not even really dating that guy and your kids don't like you because you choose men over them okay you're a terrible mother and you're not a nice person so be quiet over there and stop dinging your goddamn glass okay jesus christ
Ariel flopped around less. So Bronwyn's like, do you like the idea of telling us you have an announcement or do you just like the idea of seeing your daughter? And it's, which by the way, so good is so rude, but also so spot on of an analysis because all thinking that Brittany's always just trying to come up with an announcement to get congratulations.
Oh, you, Lisa. She goes, I'm looking at you, Lisa, because she's not even going to let Brittany have this fight. She's like, we're not even going to fight with you. Now I'm going to fight with Lisa because you called me a fucking bitch and Lisa's not standing up for me.
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I don't really think it's something that needs to be reinvented that much. This one's a big, flat, round one. I didn't really understand it, but, you know, just cut my ass. You know what I mean? I don't want to feel like a blob on a teacup or a teacup coaster. I just want to feel like my butt is cupped, no matter its size.
Yeah. So then, by the way, she does not defend Lisa. This is such crap. This is another lie at Bronwyn's that she's constantly defending Lisa. That is not true. She's very lightly been like, I don't have that experience with her. But she's never been like, don't speak to my friend like that. Don't speak about my friend like that.
When everybody's coming at Lisa, which is every single episode, she's not like, you stop talking to Lisa like that. Liar, liar, liar. So then she's like, Lisa, we've been friends for 10 years and you have let this woman call me a gold digger, a trophy wife, a fucking bitch, a dumb bitch.
Lisa's like, ah, I let her do it. What? So Lisa's like, wait, what did I let her do? Wait, I'm not responsible for defending. So Lisa first is shocked, but then she's like, oh, I'm fighting now. Okay, sure.
I have to say, you know, I think this is why Bronwyn falls a little flat with me is because this has been every season of this show. And I think that she's watched every season of this show and she's just pulling storylines that it's just like we've already seen it. Like we don't need your version of it. And it's ridiculous. It just doesn't make any sense.
So, Lisa, in my humble, ever so humble opinion. So she was like, you and I had a private conversation when I have said to you, I feel vulnerable and I feel alone. And I have said to you multiple times, I've taken you aside by myself. And I've said that this is bullshit, but I've stuck up for you. I was like, oh, of course you have Lisa. And then Lisa's like, dude, I'm fucking exhausted with you.
Like, I'm just like. I don't think she spoke for a lot of us. I was like, you're too, like, just be quiet. Can we just have one day of you not being offended? Just one hour of you not being offended by something.
yeah well but she's earned it too meredith and have lisa meredith and lisa have been through more of the fire and this girl bronwyn is constantly you like whether you like or not like brahman and i know to lisa most to most people lisa is the villain you know and i wouldn't even disagree a lot of the times but bronwyn has
clearly been all over lisa this whole like she's been finding a reason to fight with lisa and turn everyone against lisa every episode this season so the fact that she's like how dare you i thought we were closer than this what are you talking about you've made yourself a victim like you're throwing yourself in front of lisa's car every episode just get out of the crosswalk ma'am eventually someone's just gonna drive over you you know cars are very strong a lot of people have been saying that lisa's been getting the villain at this season i don't know
Yeah. But most, most people, I shouldn't say most people, what do I know? But a lot of people are driven crazy by that, you know, cause, but that's why I love it.
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Hey, yo, that's going to be my next tweet. Hey, yo, let's see how many people retweet it. That's the first time I'll ever go viral. Shut up. This is going to be my tweet. Shut up.
She's like, there are a lot of animals roaming around the jungle here. It's just so beautiful, Todd. I wish you were here to see her with me.
Are you dying over the text I sent you last night? Well, here's what's going on here.
I sent you a late-night text that was saying, Todd, I'm just very upset because Lisa asked me how I like the rooms, and I said, Lisa, I like the rooms, but I just can't believe that you wouldn't have me by you because I came to be with you, and then you put me in another room with other people, and I just don't understand. Oh, my God, you're going to give yourself a conniption fit.
it's not you're in a gorgeous room you're overlooking the ocean i've never heard anyone in my life especially on this show complain about being too far from lisa barlow everyone else is trying to get bus tickets the hell away from lisa barlow if they have to girl
i hit that bus but one time my mama put me on the bus and she said you're never getting off this bus and when you do it's gonna be a different mama that sees you when you get off because i'm done with you you can't even do a back stand what kind of carny are you loser and now every time i see a trolley i just have to hit it like oh for christ's sake can we just take responsibility
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We'll get to that.
When we talked about, this is her, like, I want to, I want to get the Rose episode. This is if anyone watches a bathroom, you always have to have your trauma to stay on the show. And when you're afraid you're going to get kicked off, this is when you bring up your trauma. They vary, and I'm sure most of them are real, but you save it up. I think they ask you in auditions.
You know, most people, like on Broadway, they'll be like, give me your best eight bars. And you come in and you're like, tomorrow. And you do that for five seconds. But in, like, reality TV, they say, give me your best eight bars, and you're like, mom beat me, dad left me, car broke down, brother looks, you know, brother's hotter than me. And they're like, okay. Goldfish died. Yeah. Great job.
We've already got a couple of mother deaths and father abandonments. Please move to the back next, please. Someone's like, um, an elf fucked my elbow in college. And...
Like, okay, that's good. That's it. Ding, ding, ding. Bring her in. And she's also dressed like a bunny in a bikini. Wow. All right.
She's just passing of flying colors. Fucking men, though. Isn't that the truth? I mean, men, it doesn't matter how old a man is. A man can have nipples dragging onto the ground, be a hairy-backed ape. And probably smell like, you know, milk that was spilt on a counter three weeks ago and still pull ass.
I mean, they will still they might not get out of out of their easy chair for five days in a row, but their dick will still find a way. They could be impotent that we will tape a popsicle stick to the bottom of our dicks and still put it inside of things.
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and one of the daughters was tending to it carefully that's the that's the viagra of the past sticks that's how people started getting crooked dicks because they were they were you know tourniqueted around sticks you know so like nature just took over and started bending everywhere nature finds a way the point is that nature finds a way okay so back to the times before we knew that todd was a cheater um which is right now
So she sends that text to everybody. And yeah, so Bron was talking to Todd Bloss. Sorry, I forgot that. And it's like, and you know, and then, you know, she said, Lisa's talking about how beautiful the hotel is. And I'm like, it is beautiful. And I'm glad we're here, but I feel kind of a certain way about not rooming with you.
And then it turned into this whole conversation of her insinuating, I'm not grateful to be here. And frankly, that I'm snobby. That never happened. That never fucking happened. You're a fucking liar, Bronwyn. And like you're enjoyable on this show. I'm enjoying Bronwyn on this show. I really am. But she's a fucking liar.
And, you know, she's going to fit right in here because you've got this show of Whitney's. Well, Whitney, I guess, is the biggest liar.
She's just so offended. And that's a good quality in a housewife generally, but it's like every little thing, she's got a slower roll, you know? So Todd, you know, Todd's like, well, that's just a stupid thing to say. And I thought, God, Todd does really listen to this channel. Cause he knows James, James's famous song. You're a stupid thing to say. You're a stupid thing to say.
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We should play that at the end of this episode, just in case people forgot it. James is an asshole, and he's canceled, and we're not trying to uncancel him, but he did have a real banger a few years ago. Ben's going to put it up later. You're a stupid thing to say. So then we go over to Whitney, and she's taking Angie and Heather to water aerobics.
And she's like, every family vacation we go on, Justin insists that we go to water aerobics. And then we see a clip somehow of Justin at a pool in water aerobics. How much does the camera crew follow these people around that they have?
Come on.
Her and Ray are acting like, They are talking to TMZ. The camera's right in their face. And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah. Being pulled over. You're welcome. You're welcome. Hello.
Do you have anything for me to sign? Is that what you'd like me to do? Sign something for me? No, no. You know, what's your name? And they show one where she's in the patrol car and she's asking the cop, what's your name? And he's like, I don't know. Rick, what's yours? And she's like, the granddad. He called me the granddad. That's what he called me. And he goes, the granddad?
She just sounds horrible, because he doesn't know what she's talking about. She's like, yeah, your grandad, Andy Cohen gave it to me. Andy did it. Yo. Do you have a tissue?
well yeah rebecca i mean i disagree that rebecca's bringing a lot either i mean i love her squint and everything but and i think it's fun to talk about her but i don't know that any new person has added a ton uh i agree about raquel like i really like her but here's the difference uh i think in what you're saying is that here's where i would disagree is i think that raquel has tried like she's tried getting in the mix she's like listen i don't like that aaron took all this information and twisted it and tried to make brent look bad and i'm making a stand
I love watching True Detective, and I actually haven't seen the Jodie Foster season, so I'm starting that tonight. I'm so excited to get into that.
she did try to get on on that but it was such a stupid fight that it ended really fast because it was very confusing and then there was one other thing that she was willing to fight about and she tried it and it was just another stupid i was just so bad it's like you're coming into a cast where people don't really understand how to do it you know what i mean it's like being the supporting cast of a bunch of non-lead characters no one knows what they're doing on this show so she's trying but she doesn't have really anything to grab on to so i'm not going to blame her on that now the other ones
Psy is making an effort to be nice. And it's working, but it's like... Well, she needs to have a balance of both, right?
And I actually think- Because they're authentically boring. I mean, we've seen, we know tons of people like that. I know people say that about LA people all the time, that LA people are really fake. And I bet a lot of them, and they are, but then you know them for a while. When you do know a lot of that type for a while, it's like, oh, they are fake, but that's who they are.
That's why they're here. They're attracted to being here. They're like moths that just like beat up against the light. They're just stupid. And they're they just want they're all exactly the same. And that's all they want to be. And that's all they care about being. And they just care about getting into the light. It's like they're idiots, but they're not fake. That's just who they are.
You know what I mean? So they're, you know, they're just not, they're authentically not interesting.
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Okay. Well, we're, you know, that's, that's a huge treatise to write. when we still got an hour left. So let's keep, let's keep on. Let's keep on.
So also, but I know that when people are, and I didn't mean you, I meant us, but I know that when people are really into a show and you come to Krappens, you want it to all be fun and us kind of like loving, even if we're hating it, like loving, and we do, we still have fun doing it, but I'm sorry, I'm not gonna fake it. This show's stupid. So if you don't like listening to it, I don't blame you.
Just skip to a different episode because I'm not giving you what you want.
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Especially when it's told by a full cast like that. Like, it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know?
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Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?
So then they try. And Sai's like, well, let me tell you something.
I was like, oh, God damn it. Did Sai talk about reading headlines? I'm sorry. I'm scrolling. I'm scrolling through the news and trying to watch his show at the same time.
Yeah. So I had to rewind it. But apparently Jenna was telling Cy that she has to get waxed because the hair on her vagina is straight like a wet cat. So now we get to talk about Jenna's pubic hair being wacky.
That's outrageous, everyone. So they do that for a while.
And Jenna's like, wow, I just can't believe I'm talking about this on national television.
We are like so funny. This was definitely a Ramona pooping in a closet in Mexico moment.
The air conditioning is on. So Psy goes to Uba's room to hang out, but Uba has put a nightstand in front of the door. He's like, what are you doing?
there's no lock in this room so that's what i do i do the same thing when i check into a hotel not only i put the lock but if i'm sleeping alone i move the fridge and i put it there doesn't feel like that's up to code but that's mine good luck to you so she's the first person to see the hotel too when there's a fire and she can't get out in time you didn't make refrigerators move easier from the inside terrible
What? Sorry, scrolling. So then Raquel is on the phone calling her mom to make sure she's going to come. And the mom says she's going to come, but Raquel's like, I don't know if she's going to come. And so Cy comes in and, you know, they're talking about coffee and getting coffee and stuff like that. Everybody starts gathering in the kitchen basically.
So Raquel's like, I don't even know how to use it.
yeah so she's like what will you drink coffee no you drink tea right she's like i don't drink coffee i drink tea yeah yeah i was like this show seriously give it 10 more seasons okay so then um they start talking about their moms because raquel's nervous because she hasn't seen her mom and so it's like i'm so confused why haven't you seen your mom in 10 years
And she's like, well, you know, she didn't want me coming out here after COVID. And then I had stuff going on and now she doesn't want to come to New York. And so she's telling us that her mom was making excuses. Like first she was saying it's because she has dogs and she can't find a dog sitter and she won't bring her dog. And then she has anxiety and then this and that.
And Raquel's convinced that if she's still married to a man, this wouldn't be happening.
I was like, I'm so sorry, but this is more mother trauma. This is what the show did not need was another traumatic mother story. We've got literally 10 traumatic mother storylines. Get something new, okay? I need a new factory line of trauma. If you're going to bring me trauma, at least give me fresh fucking trauma.
So then Sai is talking about how, you know, it was really rough with her mom being a drug addict. And, you know, her husband was like, why do you keep having her back in her life? And you're like, well, it's my mom. You know, and even though your mom morphs into somebody different, it's still your mom.
And she's like, you know, and now like I feel a void coming to Puerto Rico because she still resents that her mom gave up on life for drugs. And she gave up on her for drugs, which I think is fair and normal and fair. And so, you know, basically they're like, let's break the cycle.
I'm like you guys should break the cycle you guys should break the cycle of talking about this on every single episode because literally I can't I can't it's very sad for Psy I appreciate her emotional honesty but just listening to you I'm like it's not oh it's just enough because here's the thing and I think it's kind of a generational thing because and it's not not really because Raquel is of art of a generation above ours
But I think, oh yeah, maybe she is. Yeah, she is. And I think, but anyway, the point is it's a modern thing to just like define yourself by whatever your trauma is and to have to trauma. It's like you give each other awards based on your trauma. Congratulations. We all fucking have it.
I think, you know, and I say this a lot on this show, especially recapping New York, but can we just start defining ourselves on our triumphs and what we got over and not what we're,
traumatized by constantly i just it's so boring the leaves you ate at the top of the tree you did it get your leaves girl get your leaves and that's not to discount their trauma or say it's not important i get that it's important but nobody wants to sit here and listen to mine i can sit here for an hour and a half and give it nobody would listen to that shit entertain me i'm coming to you to get away from my trauma okay not to get in the hot tub full years
Right. So basically now everybody starts gathering and talking about pooping and coffee. And then so Jenna comes in and she tells Rebecca, wait, I have a very real question for you. And Rebecca's like, I have a very real answer for you. So you can suck my dick, Bren. She goes, okay, you need to drop that now. Okay. But here's what my question actually is. Are you going to get into it with Bren?
Cause like, I'm just waiting for it. Cause like she's coming at you and it's exciting. I'm really starting to be on this, enjoy being on this show. I love that Jenna's like enjoying the mess now.
Yeah, exactly. And she goes, yeah, it's how you deal with a child having a tantrum. So she was like, everyone thinks I'm bending it over and taking it up the ass. And they do. And it cuts to all the other ladies. Jessel's like, I want her to be Rebecca Minkoff, the big boss bitch. But instead it's giving elementary school like, you're the bully. No, you're the bully. No, you're the bully.
I'm the one with vagina hair.
It's bad that everybody calls her a sugar baby, but then the only person she can think of getting sperm from is someone she claims is a billionaire. And then Rebecca's like, oh, now I can understand why Brynn's upset with me because she wants the baby.
And as someone who didn't get pregnant right away, I fully empathize with that journey, you know, but just don't poke because you'll be leaking out of enough holes soon enough.
So then Rebecca's like, but why do people play these games? That's my question. And Jessa's like, yeah, I have better things to do with my time, right? Like, I have an empire to run, right? And Rebecca just flicks her hair like, I sure do. So then Sai and Uba are talking about, they're just taking pictures of each other, you know, which is... what they do on this show.
And then Marian, the mom and the boyfriend Santiago are arriving and they come in and they hug and hug. And Raquel's like, it's been a while since I hugged my mom. It just feels so good. I hope this homophobic love hug lasts forever. And it's cute. And the mom's sweet. The mom does give a little sigh to me personally, which is cute because I'm liking sigh this season.
So she's there and she's like, wow, great.
The mom's going to rip off her sweater later when she gets mad, and there's going to be a don't tread on me shirt underneath.
it's like erica from beverly hills we were talking about this earlier she's like my mother that abusive she ruined my life as a child by not appreciating me in the school plane now look at me and then her mom comes in she's like hi honey i love you so much i support whatever you do god damn it
That's what I say. So they're talking about that. And then Brynn comes in and she's like, good morning, my little vampire. And kisses Jenna on the lips. And the mom is like, whoa. And then Uber's like, wow, did she kiss her on the lips? So I was like, that's bizarre. That's fucking weird. So then Uber's like, did you kiss Brynn on the lips? She said you're kissing on the lips.
And Jenna's like, yeah, she always kisses me on the lips. I mean, listen, she doesn't have a man. And then Jenna tries to kiss Sy. And then she kisses Uber on the lips. And then Aaron on the lips. And the mom's just like, uh.
I think Parvitt's done that. Hold on, let me call Parvitt. Parvitt, have you dipped your toe in a lady pond? oh oh all right no he's dipped his bond me into ranch dressing before and really like that you can check it out on his latest instagram post what we'll be talking about
More of this. So your daughter is what badly behaved? No, it was an actual devastating hurricane. Oh.
They name hurricanes. Do they? Wow. Wish I could name a hurricane. Have they met my children? I'd name it Katie, and then I'd ask it every day. Hurricane, does Tom Cruise miss you? I would know if we went to the proper preschool.
They're like, read the newspaper, Jessel. Jesus.
Which is pretty funny. And so then Aaron's like, hey guys, wait for Carrothead. Okay, here comes Carrothead. She's like, Jessel lives in Jesselton, which is kind of like Bridgerton, where you're always getting ready for a ball. So like, she doesn't know what's going on, right? Because like, have you seen the show Bridgerton? Because it's like that. But it's like Jessel. So it's like Jesselton.
So...
So then they talk about the hurricane. We're like cracking up. Okay, let's go back to Hurricane Maria. Back to Hurricane Maria, guys. So they talk about how devastating it was, how there was no electricity, no water, the federal government fucked them over.
your favorite quotes is there anything else ronnie that we should have people uh what we should crowdsource from the people on this oh we will we'll be adding some stuff up in the next few days for sure yeah but those are the things that we need the most help with is jogging our memory on that sort of stuff yeah yeah so just whatever whatever is the most fun because you know we delete from our brains our dvrs uh in our brains as these seasons end so of course everybody's giving us the quote um high body count here
So then they get changed because they're going to go out, right? So they're going to go to Old San Juan. And the mom's like, I'm not going in the hot weather. What are you kidding me? And Raquel's like, well, can we just pull out your iPad? Cause I want to try and set it up quickly so the kids can FaceTime you. And she's like, oh my God. So my kids want to meet that or want to see her.
And she's like, no. And I'm like, but they've missed out on so many memories and she can't even set up her iPad. Like, come on. And she's like, mom, did you charge it? She's like, I did. She goes, it's not charged.
It's because it's fresh out of the box. But that's also taking things really personally that aren't personal. Like, mom, you haven't seen my kids and you can't even charge their iPad.
Where are they on that? Straw your kid. I'll talk to it.
I'm starting to think that older people, my parents included, just they understand it. They just don't want to. Like my mom will send me a text that says, call me.
I have to call her. It's like it's hard for her to do. It's like, I can never find your, you know, the proper number. I don't know where to. It's like, just what? And then you call. Yes. And it's the Apple TV, which is kind of confusing even to me sometimes. It's like, why is the screen black for 10 minutes at a time on every one that I own? So just updating. It just doesn't tell you.
Anyway, but yeah, I think there's just some point where it's like, you're my child. And if I want you to update my iPad, you're going to do it. And that's it.
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just saying that she's saying that they're just we're not very emotional just would soldier on all right so then um basically the raquel and her mom are looking through pictures on the phone and you know talking about the heart palpitations and raquel's like maybe it's time to come to new york mom and she's like what get on a plane what if i have a nervous problem a heart problem i got to get on a plane like i have a fear of flying you know that
Of course it's going to be on there. It was a great quote. But it's the most recent. So think back. Think back to what was on last January. And let's start going from there, guys. So maybe we should do like a big list of all the shows that have aired on Bravo and put that on Instagram and be like, here you go.
She's like, but you'll be fine, you know? And she's like, I hope we can take a step forward. So then, you know, the mom's not going to San Juan. Old San Juan. So they go without her. And then we go to shopping. Old San Juan.
yeah um so then um Bryn's like uh sorry it was literally Bryn's like insurers are deserting homeowners as climate shocks worsen literally in the recap I was like CDC confirms first case of severe bird flu I was like oh no and I was like you're doing a recap Ronnie I have the headlines open just to read during this recap and I actually started reading them
bird flu come on that's not fair we're still we just got through a pandemic you know what but that's why i didn't even believe the pandemic at first because it's always like bird flow every year it's like oh my god it's coming again here it comes and i'm like bird flu never gets me you know what i mean they've been threatening me with bird flu for 20 years now stop it it's every year you've got to come up with something new to scare me so then they did and they were like maybe it's like the bird flu i was like i'm not scared and then look what happened you know
Which was terrible. So anyway, Maria, right? God, Hurricane Maria. Those were the days. So then Uba and Sy are shopping together and it's wacky. Literally nothing happens for a while. Can we just scroll till something happens? Because this was terrible.
Let's go to the big pic portion. Okay.
yeah go for it i think we'll we'll we'll we will um we'll figure it's gonna be fun we're gonna do a lot more um if you guys being involved in this so anyway just check our social uh instagram watch what crappens.com we'll leave stuff up there also this is on video today on crappens on demand on patreon it's also where you can listen to our bonus episodes
They're cracking up. She's like, sure, honey, take an Uber Black. I mean, Jesus. Like, this is New York City. Take a train, you know? You can cry all you want. No one will look your way, you know? So then they're shopping around, and she goes, I want to buy my husband something. He's a large. And Brynn goes, oh, my God, your husband's large? Okay. Yeah.
And Jenna's like, I don't think there's anything large about Abe, but that's okay. Sorry. And Aaron goes, what? And she goes, yeah, she said Abe's the large. And then I'm like, I don't think there's anything large about this show.
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Yeah.
And so Aaron's like, oh. She's triple baby. She's triple baby. Baby seal. Baby seal. So then she whips out the dick pic and Aaron's like, so do you think this is small? And Jenna's like, whoa, whoa, I take it back. Wow, wow, Abe, wow.
So they sit there talking about his wiener for a while. And Aaron's like, that's why I have a lot of sex.
But yeah, he would have an issue. Then I guess it would be an issue. I don't really care. I mean, the internet's pretty outraged about it. I don't care. I'm like, wow, at least people are getting worked up over something on this show. That's good. But like, I don't care. And I have a feeling that they probably swing or do something where they're or at the very least share dick pic.
Like she probably shares dick pics with her friends all the time. You know what I mean? Like some people are just like that. I don't know. Maybe we get it more because we're gay and it's not that big of a deal.
Of Sold on SLC, which is what we're covering right now exclusively. So good. The first episode we're going to re-release on the main feed next week at Christmas just so people can get a taste. And then if you want it, come over and listen to it over on Patreon. And I think that's it for now. Right, Ben? It feels good. Feels good. Why don't we dive into New York last week? We're alive right now.
so they talk about they touch each other's boobs and stuff like that because that's literally all we have on this show and then they start ordering some drinks and talking about what they bought shopping and bring us oh i got a dick pic i didn't even have to pay i mean this girl like she's just so obnoxious like can you just make it two seconds without like spoiling the plot
Like, why does this have to be your plot? Like, you can't just hang out with your friends without throwing them under the bus within five seconds. It's like the first thing you do is throw your friend under the bus. It's just tiresome, man. It's like just an annoying fucking person. Like, who is even friends with this person? She's just annoying.
She's like, I don't got dick pics of David. I was trying to get meat mail, but he won't send it to me. And Jessel's like, if the tables were turned and Abe was going around showing pictures of Aaron's giant clit, I don't know, there would be a lot more sleepy people falling asleep to Aaron's clit because you know it's boring. Yeah.
And then everyone's like- Yeah, this group is not like Jessel and Brynn. Because Jessel and Brynn were like, oh my God, this is amazing. And this group's like, gross. Why would you do that? And also it's funny because this is the group that's constantly taking each other's pictures and trying to get attention.
So you would think that they would be the group that's like, oh my God, a dick pic, awesome. But they're like, no, gross, tasteless, classless.
well yeah and also of course it was inappropriate to share your husband's dick you weirdo like sorry don't make that someone else's fault it was your weird you know it was your weird choice so she's like now i'm questioning myself like should i not have shown my girlfriends my girlfriends a picture of a dick pic like i'm a girl's girl we do this um so brent's like i mean it was tasteful
And Jenna's like, it was fantastic. Really. It was so good. I mean, artistically, the mushroom. It was good. And Aaron's like, well, Cy doesn't believe it. And Cy's like, I don't give a fuck what size it is. I don't care if it's small or big. That's your thing. That's your baby. Like, you know what I mean? And Aaron goes, that's a dick. It's not my baby. She goes, that's your man.
That's what I'm saying. It's none of my business.
So she takes a picture of her ugly feet under the table and then starts showing people the side by side of their pictures.
And Rebecca was like, oh, wonderful. And so Aaron's like, oh my God, she sent that to the whole group. And everyone's like, check your phones, you guys. Oh my God, who wore best, Kim K or Jessel? And Jessel's like, that is so fucked up. I was walking around. What do you want? I had sweaty feet.
this show is running on fumes seriously and then she's upset because they're like judging her feet and it's not fair and then everyone's like oh my god her feet are so ugly and then brin's like well that's kind of hypocritical is it brin who was like it's hypocritical like these are the girls who are so offended oh no that's later in the car we'll get to it soon
So they ask Raquel some more questions about her mom. I don't care. I'm not talking about this anymore. Like, I'm not doing it. I don't care if she does. I'm not doing it. Then they talk about Jessel wanting kids again and blah, blah, blah. So then they decide to go home. Then they talk about the mom again and how wonderful. I can't with this fucking show. Okay, so we go back to the van.
And Brynn is like, oh my God, Erin, I love how they tried throwing you under the bus, sharing a consensually given photo of your husband. Yeah, consensual is giving her the photo. It's not showing it, but still, it's another business.
yeah of course which she started this whole thing you know she started it as usual and now she's trying to keep it going so aaron's like yeah it made me like it made me it made them mad that he had a big dick
Yeah, truly. So then Brynn's like, they don't understand humor. They really don't. So then now back at the resort, a lot of small talk, a lot of small talk, tons of small talk. Let's get to this fight. Let's just fast forward to the fight. I'm going through my notes here. Aaron Rodgers, Netflix docuseries, Ten Biggest Revelations. Let me see here.
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And let me tell you, you know, it's still a housewife show. So I still have my base enjoyment of it. You know what I mean? Like I'm still like glad I'm not doing nothing. So that's good. Yeah.
Weather action. Okay, so Bren pulls, Rebecca pulls Bren aside. And so Bren's like, you can go first. She's like, well, do you want Erin here?
Yeah, she's going to tell her a twisted version anyway, so just let her hear the real version, you know? Yeah. So Rebecca's like, okay, I apologize. I didn't know you were triggered. And so Brynn's kind of taken aback, and she's like, okay, well, then I'm sorry I ripped your head off. And she goes, yeah, I didn't know you were going through a whole thing.
So Brynn's like, okay, this girl's going to let me have my, I'm sad about not ever getting pregnant, even though I didn't really want to before story into a thing. So Brynn's like, okay, she's going to give me my storyline. So I'll be nice.
So then we transition into her story.
and there are things that i enjoy no matter what i've you know at this point i've just sort of given myself over to bravo and it doesn't matter whether i enjoy it or not we're here and so i enjoy doing this no matter what's going on right so whatever like some are good some are bad this one's particularly bad but i'm still enjoying some of it you know and um so that was enough for me
And she says that she doesn't have kids. And so she freaks out when people say stuff like that, because she understands what it's like to have, not to have kids all too well. And she tells us, she's like, Gideon's not getting his shit together. I mean, he was supposed to go to London to the clinic and give a sample.
And then, oh, my God, I had to pop over to my friend in the south of France to his friend's place. Well, you don't seem like you want to do this, and I want someone who wants to do this. No, you don't. You want a fucking rich person, okay?
You don't get to bag a rich person for his money who you're going to tie up for the next God knows how many years for his money for your child and then demand that he change his lifestyle and stay at home with the kid. That's not how that works, man. Okay. So if you're not going to be able to do this, don't do it. And go find someone real who wants to do this with you.
Stop fucking wasting your time. You're bad.
So you don't love me. You don't even like me. You don't want to be with me at all and give me what I want, which is you. But then you want me to be financially tied to you for the rest of this baby's life when I'm already in my 50s, probably. Sounds great. Sounds like I'm going to get a lot out of this deal. Yeah, Bryn. Sounds like you really sold him on that one.
Yeah. um so um let's see so yeah they make up basically and um rebecca's like you know i get overwhelmed sometimes and prince like i get that but brent's kind of like i don't really want to talk about you because rebecca opens up about her being a mom and you know she keeps going on and brent's like okay i'm bored with this now And so Rebecca's like, okay, well, surface brin's going away.
So that's good. Now I get to finally meet her. And she's like, well, I'm just like in the place of opening up. But it's just like not everybody is willing to do that. And that's okay. Because like not everyone can share and open up like me just because I want. You don't share and open up.
You berate everybody and try and manipulate everything and manipulate and gaslight everybody around you and try and fuck them up and then start crying about it later because they didn't guess what your trauma was. So, no, you're not too open. I don't think anybody would accuse you of being too open, ma'am.
It was like enough. And that's all I can say. I will say that this is one of those ones, Beverly Hills, I watch every minute of. Salt Lake City, I watch. Potomac, I watch. This one, I scroll. It's a scroll show. The real estate ones on Bravo, I scroll. Like I'll watch Million Dollar Listing, but I'm scrolling, you know? And this is a scroll show.
band drama the best kind of stuff so hopefully the show can kind of like write the ship next week because this this episode was a real this one was for a season that's already kind of dull this episode was really really it's just they're treading water just fucking end it it's episode 12 make it a short season why would you take a show that sucks and then make a full season out of it no any other show that sucks on bravo gets a no matter how good the season is they get a 12 episode order that's it
Okay. That's the thing. Andy's been all over this week like, oh my God, don't want to oversell it, but this reunion is amazing. Someone is really upping it in the outfit department. They're upping themselves every, it's going to shock people. Jenna's in a dress. Let me guess, Jenna's gonna wear a dress and it's gonna shock every, I mean, come on, man. Like, just stop.
Yes, why punish us? We're trying to support you. Don't fucking, you're bashing our goodwill into the ground.
as an audience and um my favorite internet comment is this show could have been an email you know it's like the show could have been an email this whole show so um anyway we'll still be back laughing anyway next week uh and the next 10 weeks that this is gonna fucking air i'm sure when do you think the season finale is oh geez oh because we got the holidays coming up it's probably gonna be in the first week or two of january i'm gonna suspect
Okay. Well, let's pray. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being with us. Thanks, everyone, for being here. We'll be back tomorrow. Go listen to Beverly Hills and come back tomorrow if you want to hear us talk about how good Housewives can be because both those shows are killing it. We love you guys. We'll talk to you later. Bye.
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So parts of it, I might be a little fuzzy because, you know, girl, I was scrolling. And if anybody is scrolling currently in this day and age, you know that this world is completely fucked. So it's like going between the batshit crazy news and what they're talking about on this show. And it was a little jarring. But, you know, let's get through it.
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And she's like, you have been rude ever since the moment that we met Bram. And Rebecca really does like those that squints finally paying off. Because when we first saw the squint on Rebecca, we were like, why is she pretending she's so nice? That squint is not a nice person squint. That person is a reading squint. You know, it's a judgy squint.
And not to say that judgy people can't be nice, but that's just to say there's a strong line of judge in there. And it came out today. And I enjoyed it.
So and the girls got mad at her because not mad but they were like a little disappointed It seemed like because they wanted her to really be a housewives like have her bitch moment tell off Brynn And they felt like she was being a little too lukewarm I thought she was perfect because she really put Brynn in her place in a way that was like You're a bad little girl, and I don't care enough about you to yell at you, and you're I'm still not gonna Yes, and I'll even apologize to you if you want me to because you're that stupid
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yeah it was embarrassing like by the end of this episode i was not only scrolling on my phone but i was just like so embarrassed for red like i was mortified i was like this girl tried it and she's not only failing she's just looking childish now this girl's just making her stupid you know
Oh, God, Brian, shut up. OK, let me make this very easy for you. There's things you don't understand about being a giraffe because you're not a giraffe. So you don't know what it's like when someone's like, oh, my God, these the leaves at the top of the tree are the hardest to eat. You don't understand it because you're not eating the leaves at the top of the trees. You are not a giraffe, okay?
I'm sorry. You can't just have somebody feel for you and pretend. You don't get to pretend to be a giraffe and get everybody to pretend along with you. It's not how it works, okay? You are not a mother and you don't fucking understand, period. Go cry somewhere else, you fucking baby. You don't understand what it's like to be a mother, but you do understand what it's like to be a child.
That's for sure.
Yeah, we have to, you know, look, I don't want, I don't want kids and I don't love people using the, well, I'm a mother now, so I get everything that you don't understand. Like, I don't even like kids getting to go onto the plane before me. I'm like, is that a handicap now, being a child? No, get in the fucking line like everybody else.
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I had to buy the early bird to get my seating group A, and now you get to, did you serve in the military? You're a fucking one, okay? You're one year old. Do you have a purple heart? Get in the fucking back of the line. Your mother didn't earn, your mother earned you, guess what your mother earned you? A spot in the C line in Southwest, okay? You don't get to be an A just because you're a child.
I don't even, fuck that. But even I'm like, well, shit. Yeah, it's harder for her. I look at the actual mom and I'm like, OK, yeah, I don't get what it's I don't get what that's like. And that's way harder for her. So I mean, I can sit here with my little game boy and cry in my A15.
And also, Brynn's just starting this fight because she just wants to have a feud with somebody. It's just, like, not organic. It's just annoying. And now she got her big thing where she gets to... It's like, I'm really going to get everybody on my side in the audience by really bringing motherhood into it. Just... You're just bad at this, okay?
It's the 20th time I've said this in the past two weeks, but you're just sucking at it. And it's funny to watch. So then she's like, don't patronize me about motherhood. And Rebecca's like, the amount of attacking she's done to me, I mean, it is like I have just been accused of terrorism by Oz himself. Okay, my purse is right now. Purse is right now.
That girl really needs to take a hike up the yellow bitch road. Am I right? Stupid.
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And Rebecca does a good job here. She just looks at her and she squints and she goes, great. I love that. great so raquel's like i'm excited to see this side of rebecca maybe she just needed a little vacay and brand's like well contrary what am i sound like i actually don't want to fight with you well now you don't because you look stupid because you just lost you just lost this fight so too late
It feels like it.
Okay, well, you don't get to say moving on. You're the person who ran the car into the innocent victim. You're not the one who gets to decide to move on. That's a hit and run. The victim gets up and walks away and says, okay, it's time to move on now.
But you know what? Also, don't. John's daughter almost got to say it's time to move on.