Rick Diaz

All right. I went to a nightclub and the waitress told me, be careful because people have been getting drugged. And I was like, oh no. Then I went to the toilet and at the urinal next to me, there was a guy peeing and he was staring right at my dick. And I noticed because I was staring right into his eyes. We don't talk much in my family. We don't talk much. We don't even have a group chat.

I tried to set up the group chat, but everyone in my family was like, there's already a group. I dated a girl for a while and one day she gave me a 20 by 20 Rubik's cube, 20 by 20. And she told me, if you manage to solve this, I will suck your dick. took me all night to unglu and reglu. Thank you very much. Rick Diaz.

A few things have been going on. I went shooting guns for the first time.

First shot, bam, dislocated my shoulder. They made me fill out a mental health questionnaire. And according to American gun laws, I'm stable.

That's mean. I thought Canadians were nice. Wrong.

I have some news. Okay. Yeah. Thanks to you and Red Band and Harland, I can now work in the United States. Yeah, it's all thanks to you. I tried to reach out. I was, you know, doing all my paperwork and all the application, and I wanted to message you to update you on how I was doing before I got my papers. And then I see you at the Trump rally, and I'm like, oh, no.

I'm getting deported before I got ported. Yeah. But the thing is, to come to the country, you have to go through immigration lawyers. And the first law firm I got in touch with refused to work with me because they said that Tony Hinchcliffe is a racist. And they wrote a little letter. Do you want me to read it?

All right.

How long is this letter? I got it. Don't worry about it. It's going to be short enough. My staff recognized that your primary purpose for coming to America is to work with Tony Hinchcliffe. Sorry, Red Band. Apparently, co-creating the biggest podcast in the world was not recognized by these people. Yeah. Tony Hinchcliffe, a comedian whose work has a strong connection to racist material.

Tony's not racist. He's about as racist as he's gay.

Quite the opposite. Exactly. I actually asked Chad GPT, is Tony Hinscliffe racist? And Chad GPT said, there's no sufficient evidence to support the claim that Tony Hinscliffe is racist. Uh-huh. That's good. Here comes a twist. Then I also asked about Red Band. Okay. And Chad GPT said, there's no sufficient evidence to support the claim that Brian Red Band is a comedian. Oh, my God. Look at that.

You just closed the government, so... Huh? That's three hours ago news, sorry. You don't know what you're doing, so... Is that the end of the letter? No, you want more? Is there more? A little more.

Yeah. As an employer, I do not want my staff to have an ongoing relationship with his staff. Well... Which is crazy. Obviously, they had no idea that Heidi was working on the show. Because we all want an ongoing relationship. Yeah.

Yeah.

I have two more. Okay, let's go. Jesus Christ. I know, I know. I wish you the best in your work and aspirations in the American market, the market that is most befitting for your art. I guess the most befitting American market for my art is a motherfucking arena. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, then I found lawyers that wanted money.