Ria Lina
Appearances
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Yeah, I have to say I did not expect to be this excited about the wider administrative organisation.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
And you gave me a notebook and pen.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
36 hours. So that's 72 hours to have a craving for a kiwi. Send the message to the far reaches of your empire and get it back again. I'll be honest, as a woman who gets cravings, that's still a long time to wait. Also, you arrived with a kiwi fruit today. I did arrive with a kiwi. That's why it's foremost in my mind. I was halfway through a kiwi.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
How degraded would the message have been after 1,400 way stops?
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
I do have a PhD, but I don't know that that makes me the most.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
All right. The only one that didn't have an ADHD enough to be able to finish three degrees.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Hang on a second. But I thought as a business you had a choice who you could do business with. Now they're just saying, you will do business with me and you will take this money. Isn't it soft and silky, by the way, from the mulberry tree?
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Sorry, three techniques for getting jewels.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
One of them is take it off of someone else who's already got some.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
The second one is dig for them where they're made in the earth.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
And then the third one is train your eagle to pick them out of magpie nests. I like that. That's a very smart... I think those are my three highly informed decisions. You know... Ask me how many diamonds I have.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
It is. Very science. It's in herpes viruses, if we're going to be precise.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
I know. And it was only one step from there to comedy, really.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Because birds famously can't control themselves. Right. Right. They don't have sphincters. No. So you could either throw the meat in and then fight the eagle for the meat. Yes. This diamond sticky meat. I don't know what meat that is. Yeah. What's a diamond sticky meat?
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Diamond sticky bird. Diamond sticky.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
And then you let the eagles fly and be themselves, but every so often just falls out of the sky. You know what? Maybe that's why in today's society it's considered lucky if a bird poos on you.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
What's the scale? I mean, what's the scale of comfort level? Listen, I can nail the tutors and stewards because that's all we were ever taught at school. Okay. Tutors and stewards, tutors and stewards, you know, and then a healthy chunk of Victorian Britain. But I come to you for all of my 12th to 13th century Chinese knowledge because I don't, they skip that.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Well, there is a coffee that goes through a cat's digestive tract.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Honestly, at this point, it is easier to just go and take them off of somebody else. I'm not endorsing that. I'm not endorsing that as a method. I'm just saying it just strikes me as easier.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
We didn't say mining, did we? Maybe I didn't.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
In fact, technically none of those are mining.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
There is now. Ambergris doesn't smell... It's funny that we use it for perfumes and things.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
But it is this horrendous yellowy kind of... Gelatinous, maybe? Well, I don't know if that's quite the right term that can wash up. But if you find any on a beach, like that sells for good money.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Well, OK, this I don't know if this is in Tibet. I do know that there is and I'm fascinated by a village that is matriarchal and it's in that area of the world. It's a matriarchal society. The women have houses and the men sort of go, can I sleep here tonight? And she decides whether or not he can. And they can either have some of them like one man for their whole life.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
With the rest of the world, which is ironic given that we used to own it.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
you know, lifetime and they father all of their children and some of them go, all right, tonight, but next week Harry's coming and they rotate around. So is there, did he discover this matriarchal society? Please say yes.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
This is what I'm talking about. These women need to be on the speaker circuit or get them a TikTok account.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Something. That is brilliant. Finally, understanding that the more you know, the better you are.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
And presumably without eagles. Otherwise, you'd be like, is she a virgin or does she just have really good eagle, you know?
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Very familiar name to me because I used to play it all the time at school.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
The rule is that you put on a blindfold and then everyone else that you're playing with has to avoid being tagged by you. But you get clues. And what you do is you say Marco and everyone has to say Polo when you say Marco so that you can get an idea of where they are.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Genetics, right? Same surname. Same family.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
I just want you to feel better about yourself.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Oh, okay. And have you spent 24 years in the Mongolian Empire? No. No, you have not. What have you done with your life, Greg? Very little. Honestly. Have you written 233 chapters of there was this and then there was that?
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
I mean, I'm hearing white privilege. That's what I'm hearing. He was probably due jail for 24 years over there, but they just went.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
And he comes back, everyone's white. He's like, wait a minute.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Fair enough. Any excuse to insert yourself, right? Yeah. Well, why not?
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
It wasn't just the scribbling. He got him to tell the stories.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
It's kind of interesting to think that it got discovered, I'll put in air quotes, written about, then Black Death, everything then became theoretical. And then they went out again and just went, hey, is what you discovered what they discovered? And they go, yeah, because it's the same place and the same plants.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
It was. Can I just ask quickly, did you say polygamy, apophagy and... Anthropophagy, I hope I... Anthropophagy. Yeah. Eating people.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Well, I've written copious notes. You have? I've got, yeah. Oh, my gosh. I wrote loads of notes. And I drew a picture of a polo sheep.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Marco. Marco. I preempted it. Right.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
As far as I followed, it's now Beijing or in that area. But then there was Dadu. Yeah. But also there was something called Khanbalak, which was City of Khan, which other people called it.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Do you know what? I'll be honest. I don't think we actually learned what his personal feelings on the matter were. But what I do believe we know is that he left lighter of a lot of necklaces that he had with him at the time.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Well, I have to say that really helps place things for me because I know like Venice, I don't know how old Venice is, but it's at least as old as the 1200s, right? Because at some point they would have had to build all those canals, right? So it wasn't there in Marshy times, which is an official time period, by the way, if you didn't know that.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
But he described these Tibetan women where they actually prized sexual experience. You're right.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Just one of the three? Well, it's got to be. You get some sticky meat. You throw it in a cavern. The diamonds are naturally attracted to the sticky meat. Then you send an eagle in, right? And then the eagle, you hope, goes for the meat rather than one of the poisonous snakes that are also in the cavern.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Because you're just like, why would the eagle go for fresh meat when it can go for slightly sticky meat covered in diamonds? And then you either fight the eagle for the meat or you wait politely until the eagle's had its fill and then hope it flies over you and makes you really lucky by raining down poo on you. Incredible answer. I'm trying to think of the word. What's the word for the bat poo?
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Yeah. So we can also sometimes, I bet you eagles also guano.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Yeah. So this was a biggie, right? So Kublai Khan's nephew lost his chief wife. And this was a good chief wife. She came from a special village that just, I don't know what they did, what was in the water, but they made good chief wife stuff. So he had to take another bride from that village all the way over to Persia to marry his nephew.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Unfortunately, though, the nephew got so excited or whatever, he popped his clogs before she even got there. So in the end, she married his great nephew.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
You remember those things. But it was a huge entourage.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Oh, I know. OK. So he wrote this with the famous author of that famous Arthurian romance, Ruth DiCello.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Well, he was a fan. He didn't read the book very well because it went in totally the wrong direction.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
It's quite all right. Our motto being, of course, what happens in the Mongol Empire stays in the Mongol Empire.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Yeah, there's the Iron Age and the Marshy times. But I can imagine that, okay, so... Italy in the 1200s was a fascinating place. I know that, for example, there was a medical school in Salerno that taught both men and women. So I think it's more modern than we would think it would be in the 1200s. And him being born to a merchant family right there, it was a big dock, wasn't it, Venice?
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
And all the ships went from there to all over the world. So I think that he was... really well placed to be an explorer. Better than, say, a sheep farmer in the Alps.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Wow, this is the original Silk Road.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Yeah, again, something else that's changed over the centuries.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Well, he's old enough by then. But also imagine knowing that your dad is so close to home and then he goes, sorry, I have to just detour for a couple of months to see the Pope. I'll be right back.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Well, okay, but the first trip was a decade. It was. So I'm going to guess this was long. Okay, because I'm wondering about the dad and the uncle. I'm wondering if the dad and the uncle never make it back. So let's go 20 years.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
Pulling it from I don't know where.
You're Dead to Me
Marco Polo: history’s most famous travel writer?
You know, I'm beginning to wonder whether his dad made him go to his room and just write down what happened today. And he's like, today we went to place A and tomorrow we're going to place B. Did it.