Michael Chernow
Appearances
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits & Hustle. Crush it.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
So I'm very cognizant about being, I call it like upfront in your face communication because it's just like, it's not fun. It's like extreme closeup shit. You just got to do it. You have to do it. And I think it's so important. But going back to the sex piece, you know, I think sex,
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
having sex is so important and it's not about like, like if your relationship is built around your sex life, long-term you're fucked in my opinion, right? Like it can't be that, like it's gotta be way more than that. But understanding what time of day, especially when there's kids involved, young kids, like you have to be, you have to just like, Get it when you can.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
But I also think that like, if you guys can figure out, and again, this requires conversation and communication, figure out what time of day works best to have sex. And then boom, you got to commit to once a week at minimum, right?
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
No, we don't we don't schedule it or anything like that. But like, I wake up mega early. I just do. And it and it's and it's kind of great because the kids also wake up mega early. But I choose one day every like one day a week when I wake up early and I'm just like, boop, boop, boop. You know, and nine out of 10 times I get the green light and that, and that's it. And it's, and it's awesome.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Not hot air. Can I curse on this thing?
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And it's, we laugh about it, you know, because like that's, but I think.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Like 5.15. It's kind of like when I'm at, when I always wake up 5.15.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Our kids wake up now at like 6.30. So, but I still, again, like back to the routine piece, like my morning routine is super important to me. And it's not like, I don't hold myself to like this crazy thing anymore necessarily. Like I used to have this really... long drawn out thing specifically in COVID to like keep me from going absolutely crazy. Like I built this like crazy structured thing.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And I still, when I, when I want to do it, I do it. And when I don't, I don't. Sometimes I'll work out now. Sometimes I'll do the sauna, cold plunge, red light thing. Sometimes I'll just do prayers and pushups, you know, but like morning having a, some sort of a plan in the morning for me that gets me going, that like fires up my engine is super important.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Yeah, yeah. I think the takeaway is basically being in a relationship with a person that you would consider your life partner, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever you call it, being in a relationship like that and not having sex is... after a certain period of time, which is very common, adds another layer of guilt, shame, and discomfort, right? Even if you don't, like, it just does.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
You know, if someone, like... Because you know something's wrong. You know something's wrong.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
You know something's wrong.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Right. And also, like... And by the way, like it's very common, right? Like when you have a conversation with a friend, you're sitting with a girlfriend, I'm sitting with some of the guys or whatever it is. And you're talking about, the conversation has gone from totally superficial to like a little bit more substantial. And you're talking about it.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And if one of those guys or one of those friends of yours is like, yeah, like we're just not having sex much. Like no one's like, yeah, we're not having sex much. It's awesome. They're like, man, we're just, it's just not happening. Like, I don't know, you know? You can change that. It takes commitment.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
But I can honestly say that when that is happening, there's just a different feeling amongst the two. And I've found that to be incredibly true for me. And it's just like, you're like, no, we are doing that. We're in a long-term relationship and we are still having sex regularly.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I will also say that like, I think the topic of talking about long-term relationships and sex is like a real thing because it is pretty controversial, right? Like people struggle with it because a lot of people fall into the category of like being in a long-term relationship and like not having sex.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
100%.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
100%.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Yeah. And also, I'm also like no marriage counselor.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
That's another thing you can add to my list.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Well, I think that I just feel like because I'm sober, right? I see everything through a clear lens all the time. And I've also learned through the work I've done on myself that like the stuff that hurts...
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
the most or that is the most uncomfortable tends to be the things that provide also the the most gratitude and the most reward so like going through the things that are super difficult and challenging tend to ultimately deliver
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Speaking of, I actually have really been interested in this.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
the greatest gifts you know and like that's that has been depicted over and over and over again in my life where it's like man like and that's and and i'm also a glutton for it you know like you sign i sign up for some ridiculous fitness challenge and what was it called again that one that you did that i was supposed to maybe do with the high rocks it was great i'm doing i'm doing one again in dallas i want to do it in november it's so great it's so great you should do it can i train for it now
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Oh, of course. Yeah, of course. You're already in great shape. So for you to do it, the only thing that you would have to pick up is probably your running.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
It's a lot of running.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
It's 8K. So it's an 8K.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Yeah, but it's not about... It's different. It's like running 1,000-meter...
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
spurts so you basically run a thousand meters and then you do a thousand meter row you run a thousand meters and you do a thousand meter skier you run a thousand meters you do burpee burpee broad jumps you run a thousand meters you do farmers carries you run a thousand meters you push the sled you run it so it's a lot of and it's basically running a thousand meters after fully exerting your body on some other exercise
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
So it's awesome, though. I love it. But I guess going back to the point where, like, for me, what I've just learned is that, like, my greatest learnings in life have all come out of and on the other side of challenge and difficulty and adversity and fear, you know, everything.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I've been really interested in this stuff, and I don't do caffeine anymore, anyway. And so I've got a buddy who was telling me about this that you actually introduced me to. Who was your buddy?
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And so I think, like, I know walking into a conversation that I feel like I need to have with my wife is never comfortable.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
it's like if i feel like it's not if if it's something that she's doing that's frustrating for me you know or or if if i could tell that i'm doing something that's pissing her off and she doesn't immediately bring it up to me i will broach the conversation and most of the time i'm correct But like, I just know that, you know, the other side of fear is freedom, period. Like, that's just the truth.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
It just is. It's just everything that you are afraid of, when you are able to face it, walk through it, experience what that feels like on the other side of it, you just feel a sense of like, you feel light.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I think what it boils down to is, and this is kind of what I've distilled it down to from my life, and I've failed so many times at this, but commitment over time develops confidence, and confidence over time develops courage. It's the three Cs. Anything great requires courage. And typically greatness comes out of overcoming fear, right?
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Like people write about people that win wars, shit like that, right? And so I think where it starts is like the commitment component of life.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Gosh, his name is Greg. Greg Link. Greg Link. oh my god right and so he told me about he's been like telling me about magic mind and now i see it here so let's see i mean i am typically good at this shit podcast stuff hey shake it do you shake it it's delicious should i shake it just shake it this is actually my favorite shot it's great for your brain focus and being alert so here we go hmm
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Commitment breeds confidence.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Yeah, but you can't be competent without experience.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Yeah, but that develops competence in that thing, right? So like as an example, when I was... coming out of the dark place in addiction, right? And I was, I had zero self-confidence, zero ability to do anything but run for the fucking hills. Because that's what I did. That was my life for 11 years. I just was like, dial it in. I'm done. Feel good. I want to feel better. Feel bad.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I want to feel better. Feel anything I don't want to feel.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And so I got really good at being a Houdini and just like, poof, like disappearing in plain sight, you know? And so when I was coming out of that, I got introduced to a couple of guys who like just showed up and just like winged me and told me about and introduced me to fitness for the first time in my life, really. And they said...
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
there's two things, there's three things you gotta do, and we can't force you to do it or make you do it, but if you can do these three things, the chances of your life growing in a really positive way are strong. And if you can't do these three things, we can't guarantee you anything, right?
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
But they basically said, if you can commit to moving your body fitness-wise, eating well, and connecting with the sober community, like nothing else should matter in your life. Those are the three things. You gotta commit to those three things. So like, we're gonna write this plan for you. It's gonna be, and I mean, I can tell you the plan, but the plan was basically, these guys were like,
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
We want you to wake up as early as you can in the morning. As soon as you wake up, you roll out of bed and right onto the floor and ask God for help, and get on your knees and ask God for help. Take a piss, wash your face, brush your teeth, put on a pair of sneakers, go outside and take a walk. That could be a five-minute walk. That could be a five-mile walk. That could be a run.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
That could be a jog. Whatever you want to do, but move your body. When you're done with that, come back in and eat a bowl of oatmeal. That's kind of where my business now has come from. Start with something nutritious, satiating, healthy, easy, accessible. Oatmeal costs nothing. You can add whatever you want to it. When you're done with that, go to a sober community meeting.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Fucking tell them who you are and why you're there. Right when you're done with that, meet us down at the gym. And these guys told me this gym to go to. It was a Muay Thai gym. And they said, we're going to teach you how to be a man, really, is what they said. But they were just like, we're going to come and we're going to train with you here and we're going to kick your fucking ass.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And they taught me about so much there, you know, mentally, physically, spiritually. And then they said, right after you get out of here, you're going to go to the deli on the corner. You're going to get chicken and broccoli. You're going to go and take a nap. You're going to go to work. You're going to have chicken and broccoli again for dinner. And you're going to go to bed as early as you can.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And right before you go to bed, you're going to drop on your knees. You're going to say thank you and go to sleep and then rinse and repeat. That was it. That's what those guys taught me. So I learned there that if I can just commit to that, like the commitment to the fitness and developed confidence for me. And then once I started doing that consistently, like that is what changed my life.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
That is 100%. I am absolutely confident. I have complete confidence in the fact that fitness and nutrition changed the course, the trajectory of my life. Period. And if there's anybody out there who's thinking about like, oh, you know, I just need that thing. I need that relationship. I need that job. I need that fucking, that raise. I need this, like, I'm feeling lost. I'm feeling directionless.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Like, all I'll tell you is this. If you're not moving your body and you're not eating well in a healthy way, you should immediately start doing that because that is going to give you far more confidence, far more strength, far more ability to feel like you're in control of your life than the car, the bump and raise, the fucking relationship, the whatever.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
All that shit will come once you're a confident, courageous person, but you gotta get right with the commitment, you know?
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Oh, that is good.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I like it.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Yeah, and in my opinion, it just really does start with one thing.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Yeah, and by the way, it sucks for everyone in the beginning.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Every person that walks into that
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Yeah, so my sort of answer to that is like if you thought about everything in your life as how long, you'd never do anything. So I kind of see it, and obviously this was taught to me along my sobriety journey, but I really do look at life as a day because that's all I got. Yesterday's long gone. It's long gone.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
There's not a human in history that's ever been able to go back and change what happened yesterday. And tomorrow, I mean, I say this kind of like as a cliche, but it's true, right? Like tomorrow is not guaranteed. So the whole like I'll start Monday, I'll start tomorrow is just a cop-out and it's a fearful response to... like the, the situation at hand. So I kind of look at my life as a day.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Like I've got today to show up and man, like 85% of the time I win and winning doesn't mean winning the fucking competition. Winning the race means I just showed up and did what I had to. I gave what I had to give, to give. And 15% of the time I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to like totally just do whatever the fuck I want to do today. And I'm cool with that. And so I kind of live my life that way.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
But I do believe that like if you think about everything is like, oh, how long? Like if I thought about business, right? I've been in business as an entrepreneur since I'm 28 and I'm 43. So whatever that is, you know, 15 years I've been opening businesses. And at 28,
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
If I was like, man, you know, even in 15 years later, I'm not going to be where I see myself being like, it's going to take 25 years. If I, you know, if that was like my plan at 28 to be like, yeah, you know, 25 years, you know, I'll be all right. Like no one's, no one's putting in, no one's, no one's investing in a 25 year long, like plan, like opportunity.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Everybody's like, no, I want, I want that shit now.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I actually do that every time. I do every single time I shoot podcasts, I line up like four to five. And I feel like for me, for whatever reason, like I feel like, I get better and better as it goes by. Even though I'm tired, I just feel like my flow is kind of there. And I just dig.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
You look so fit right now.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Yeah, you just look fit. You look like strong. You look good.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Right now. I noticed that as soon as I saw you, I was like, wow, Jen looks good. Fit, strong.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
No, when I walked into the house, I noticed it. And not that you aren't normally, but I was like something, I feel something. I feel like maybe she's doing something a little different. She looks strong and fit. You just look good.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I compliment her and then she starts playing footsie with me.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
No.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I just did a post about how important routine is in a marriage.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Oh, yeah. I just did. I think it's so- No, no.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Literally a second ago.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Because I've been trying to share a little bit more, like when I'm thinking about like how I can be a value to other people, I'm thinking through like things that have like uniquely kind of, made me a better person. And routine, everybody hears the word routine and they're like, oh yeah, morning routine. What's my sleep routine? Routine is typically like a solo mission, right?
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Like this is my routine. Speaking of, there's my wife. However, routine also can apply to relationships, specifically marriage, right? And there's, you know, we have friends that we've talked to and look, I don't want anybody to feel bad about this. I don't know if this is what you do.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
So anybody listening don't like kick yourself in the ass for this, but there are friends of ours that like just totally split up at night. So, you know, one of them will stay on the couch and watch their show. You know, the other one will go into the bedroom and like read and watch or watch their show. And like someone will fall asleep on the couch. The other one falls asleep in the bed.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And in my mind, I'm just like, that is a routine, but it's not a healthy one. Right. And so for us, and I think this is probably just because routine has been such a huge part of the foundation of my success and everything that with my marriage, like we have like a, like from six o'clock till lights out, it's a routine and it's not like robotic, but it's,
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
We do the same thing pretty much every single day when I'm not traveling. And I fucking love it.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Six o'clock, we have dinner every night, like clockwork.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
The whole family sits around the table and has dinner every night. I get home, I pull into my driveway at like 5.55. I do like a little, I know this sounds kind of corny or whatever, people roll their eyes, but I do a little breath work real quick just to like buffer my insane entrepreneurial, like savage thinking head into, oh wait, no, I'm actually a dad and a husband first.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And so I need that sort of little three minutes of like recalibrating. And then I pop into the house at like 5.58 and at six o'clock dinner's ready. And Donna's like an amazing cook. And so we sit down around the table. We all have dinner together every single night. And then after dinner, it's typically like some games with the kids or we just hang out until like 7.30, 7.45.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And then either Donna will put the kids down or I put the kids down. We go back and forth. And then right when we're done with that at like 8.15, the two of us cuddle and watch a show. And we do that until 9.30 and then we go to bed. And like
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
it's also the other really important piece of that that i think is so small however incredibly significant is touch your partner as often as you can like i make it my i i it is something that i'm cognizant of and i do it purposefully because it me it's important to me but like when i'm sitting next to my wife no matter where I am, I've got my hand on her leg. I've got my hand on her arm.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I've got my hand around my arm around her. I'm holding her hand. I'm touching her. And it doesn't mean that it's like, it's not like some like, you know, freaky deaky shit. It's like those little things. We're together almost 20 years. We're married 17 years. So like that long relationship, that long, like you can easily forget that shit. Like that, like,
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
oh yeah you're just you have been next to me for the last 17 years like touching you doesn't really like register for me i want my to la i want my marriage to last forever i do and so for me i'm like i'm sitting next to her she's not my friend even though she's my best friend she's my she's my lover she's my wife i'm gonna touch this woman and like connect that way and i think that's so important to say
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Little tiny thing. You're sitting next to your partner. Boom, just hand on. That's it. It connects. There's a connection. That connects you two together in like an intimate way. And so we do that. We don't just like watch TV together. Like we touch each other and then we go to bed. And it's like, that's the routine. And it's awesome, you know? And I just shared about that because I think...
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I was listening to a podcast. I was listening to the Jordan Harbinger podcast. He had this divorce lawyer on from New York.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
That guy?
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Oh, really? I love that guy's podcast. I listen to his podcast.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Awesome. I mean, it was wonderful to hear that guy because, you know, the way he sort of describes this business relationship, marriage, it would be like if somebody looked at you and said, hey, invest in this business, 60% chance it's going to fail. It could make you feel awesome, but you could lose everything if it doesn't work. But give me all your money. You'd be like, no.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Like, I'm not going to do that. You know, like, it doesn't make sense. And that's like how he describes what marriage is, right? It's like, that is the deal. You literally give up all your money, everything you own, and you have faith that this person and you are going to be able to live out the rest of your life without fucking hating each other. And knock on wood, like...
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
So far, this is the longest and most successful relationship I've ever had in my life with my wife. And like I have zero interest in it going anywhere. But like listening to that podcast was just like it was like it was real. You know, I think the majority of marriages really, really are tough. And I think there's so many different things that go into what make it successful.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And if you don't have little taps on the shoulder or reminders like the one I just did on social, like, hey, you're sitting next to your partner. Like you don't you could just sit there and not touch them. Or that little touch could be the difference of like how you feel about that person that day subconsciously or not.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
You know, and I really do think that those little things make a big difference in marriage, you know.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
I live further than, I'm like out of New York now.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
Right. Yeah, I think... I mean, the elephant in the room, right? Like, long-term relationships, it's no surprise that, like, the sex is not nearly as intense as it was for the first two to five years, right? Specifically the first two years.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
You know, like, you're, like, you're just ferocious and wanted, like, wanted all the time.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
If there is a sexual chemistry between the two of you, and there is between Donna and I, however, like anything, once you get used to something, it's hard to keep it exciting. It's hard to just be like, I can't wait. Totally. But... A few things. One, I will say, for us, communication is just even more important than routine. Communication is paramount.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And that doesn't mean like, yes, it means telling your partner you love them. I'm talking about the shit that is hard to talk about. I'm talking about, like, there are people that go months and months in a relationship long-term that are not having sex and just don't ever talk about it. Ever. It's just like, and they both know that, like, this isn't good. Like, we should be having sex.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
But, like, once you, I think once you get out of it, because I've been there. There has been times where Donna and I have had to check each other and be like, hey, like, it's been, like, six weeks since we've had sex. We gotta go. Um, and that, yeah. And that also isn't like amazing, right? Where you're like, we got to do this just because we know it's the right thing to do.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
But when you get into the routine of it, so now, you know, not so now, I mean, we've been pretty good about it, but a, like, You got to talk about it if it's not going down. And if you're waiting for your partner to say something because you feel uncomfortable, that's a cue to be like, okay, I got to talk about this. And so similarly for other situations that are just uncomfortable for you.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
For instance, we were just on vacation for two and a half weeks. And when you're on vacation with someone, with kids, you're 24-7 together, and it can get tough. There are going to be moments where she gets ticked off at me, I get ticked off at her. We're together, there's no running, there's no escape, so you just got to go and battle.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And there was a couple of those, and I think that's also healthy, but I think when you feel something in your gut or your sternum or your chest that is making you just uncomfortable about your partner, whether it's something that they're doing that's annoying, whether they say something that you don't like, It's important for me, speak for me, to just voice it like right then and there.
Habits and Hustle
Episode 407: Michael Chernow: How to Build a Lasting Marriage, Break Free from Addiction + Why Morning Routines Matter
And I know going into it, I'm like, hey dude, this is a 50-50 chance where like you are either gonna get into a fight that's not gonna be fun or you're gonna be able to somehow just like talk through this. But dude, if you hold this back, there's a good chance that it's going to explode in three days and no one's going to want to be around you, specifically the family.