Matt Rivera
Appearances
KILL TONY
#707 - JAMES MCCANN
Hey, everybody. My name is Matt. I've always struggled with my masculinity. I think it's because I like bubble baths, which is really confusing because now ice baths are cool. It's like, what, you get in a tub of ice, you're manly and you're stoic, but you had some soap and you're a pussy. I don't know how to treat people, man. I saw this homeless guy the other day and he asked me for money.
KILL TONY
#707 - JAMES MCCANN
I opened my wallet, I only had $2, so I told him no. Then the next day I came back and he was dead. And when something like that happens, it really, like, fucks with you, but it teaches you to appreciate things in life. Like, I am so grateful I didn't give that guy any money. Because he's fucking dead now, and it's a tale as old as time.
KILL TONY
#707 - JAMES MCCANN
You know what they say, a bird in the hand beats two in a dead homeless, guys. In a bush. I've been getting a little freakier in the bedroom. Recently, I had sex in the Amazon position. Yeah, it's pretty hot. It's when I'm on top and she's at her phone looking at throw pillows. All right, thank you guys.
KILL TONY
#707 - JAMES MCCANN
I don't know. I was just, yeah. Were you surprised? I'm surprised that I'm here right now. What the fuck is a lightning round, dude?