Magdalena Hoeller

I speak six languages, and I focus my studies in linguistics, and I worked with intercultural couples to uncover their language behavior and their dynamic.

So let me take you on a journey today through the science behind all of these love handle stories out there.

I'm going to let you in on three specific challenges that intercultural partners have to face on a daily basis, but sometimes don't even know that they're facing them.

Some of these are very, very hidden.

Now, I'm focusing mostly on romantic relationships here, but you can apply this equally to intercultural friends or even workplace encounters.

Oddly, these domains sometimes overlap.

The first challenge I'd like to share with you today is how different languages carry different emotional weights for people.

What does that mean?

It basically means that when I say I love you in English, it doesn't feel the same as saying ich liebe dich for me as a German speaker.

That's because language isn't just a tool for communication.

It shapes our emotional experience, and our first language usually evokes the strongest one.

That's why a declaration of love, which is such an emotionally charged statement, usually holds more weight for someone in their first language than in any language learned later in life.

Now, I grew up with the words, Ich liebe dich, from my parents, so over the years of my life, these have gained an emotional weight beyond what any other language can achieve for me.

So what does that mean for intercultural partners now?

Imagine a Japanese-French couple, and they speak English together.

Are they unable to communicate the true strength of their feelings because of this language distance?

Now, my husband and I, we mostly speak English together.

Does that mean when I say, I love you in English, it means less because I'm emotionally detached from it?

We can observe this also with other emotions.

For example, something that comes up in relationships, anger, frustration.