Madeline Shaw
Appearances
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Because the older religions, God is a lot more nebulous. And what the Christian religion did was essentially, I feel like, obviously speaking entirely out of school, but it really seems that they like the concept of, he started, that God started as a dude. He started as a dude, and it shows you. It shows you what you can do in this life if you're just meek enough. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
If you're just humble enough, you do become the ever loving Lord of all existence.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
What they do is, one way they keep saints' bones, this is true, they smash them up into little Dorito-sized pieces, and they put them in a giant vase, and then people pour oil in the top that comes out the bottom, so it runs all over the bones. And then magically, the oil becomes magic because of the bones, the magic bones. And that's why when you piss in it, too, that becomes magic piss.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
But then some people say heaven technically was a planet and a place that was considered for a long time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You're talking like this is gym talk. We're in a cult store talk. You're slowly going to be covered in turquoise. You're not allowed to go to Sedona with this line of thinking. All right? I can't allow you to go because you're going to come back. You're going to not wear pants anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Oh, I'm fucked. I'm fucked. Well, because I feel like they would do it much like when we were talking before the show. That's like a punk thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I just want to be able to say that once. Say what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I do it in the car. I do it at the dentist.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
No! No! She must serve as an example. Open the keys to dog heaven!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
They really did. They did the thing. It's a smear tactic. They would just say, every single time they would do these sort of activities, calling each other brother and sister, talking about the Eucharist. You guys fuck your brother? You fucking your brother?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Even though technically I don't think that they even Well dick sucking was around They love dick sucking in Rome Don't worry about that I don't think that's an issue to me Weirdly I think it was the opposite Where it was just like you had all these fucking Pains in the asses Christians showing up And they weren't sucking dick
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And in Rome, everybody was already sucking dick and fucking, and they didn't even have, I feel like they didn't have concepts for like sexual identities in Rome. Like it was all just all over the place where it's just like, they did it. They stunk it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And God has to like it, because God set up the fucking rules. Except it was man who did it!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
So many brilliant ideas slipped through our fingers. Why aren't we on Jimmy Kimmel?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I'm starting to actually think this is, they're correct. I'm starting to think that we gotta go back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, and all the Greek gods were just like guys that walked around and they gave them funny names. They were broke.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It was like in the Colosseum in the front row. People used to get pulled in all the time, too. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like the front row was apparently fucking nuts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Remember when we saw it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It's like how they have that whole underground section of theatrical stuff that would lift.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Isn't it weird? Not to get too MSNBC about this, but it is interesting that you see that statement and then you realize, oh, the Christians still think that. They just think it about billionaires. They legitimately are like, it's the same thought process.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
If I just am good enough, Elon himself will pick me. Elon's going to allow me to hang out. He might.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
One scholar said that specifically the stories were exaggerated. Like it was to stoke a reaction. So, yeah, I mean, we all want them to have their hands cut off and their tits cut off and their faces cut off. We'd like that. We all like that as a group.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Oh, yeah. I thought I was Blandina. Yeah. Blandina, you get back in here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You know... Is it true? Is it true? Sidestories help POTL at gmail.com. And if you're emailing me, though, at the same time, send me him on the Teresa's Bucks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, that's the problem. They didn't want to lick. Sometimes. Maybe the periods ran them away. Maybe the periods ran them away.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Now that's how you kill Blandina.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You know, he should save you all the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You know what I mean? Oh, man. Pepper Dina? Pepper Dina. Pepper Dina, you get over here. That's her spicy sister from Mexico.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
He'd be like, maybe we could think about me just sort of doing this symbolically, huh?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
They actually are pretty certain that he was... I did some research, and I've had so many people call me an edgelord 14-year-old for saying that Jesus didn't exist, but there is yet still... Yeah, that's why Pontius Pilate famously came out and said...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I think sometimes that was what TV was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
They talked about, it's true, it also fed the merchant world. They would have these, first it would start as a secret worship place, then it would become a public worship place where people would come and then they'd start selling, like, one of the most found artifacts of the day is these things that are little flasks, right, that people would collect the saint oil with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And they would point to exactly what I said. They would have a thing called a rectory, I think it was called. I forgot what it was called, where they put the things in. It was like the veneration box. Rectory sounds right. And they would collect it, but then they'd start selling the little flask. And then eventually a whole market would evolve right there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And they literally, the saints became the first version of like Buc-ee's. Like big old traffic stops.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Honestly, I just need one. I just need one bone. The reason why I want Mother Teresa is just because she's the most recent and it's all like lies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Again, but they're all lies, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I just feel like in the end, I want to see a miracle on camera if we're doing this now. Well, you don't have to have a miracle. You have to have a miracle to be attached to you. With Mother Teresa, what they did was after the fact, after she died, is that some guy was like, I couldn't see before, and then I prayed to Mother Teresa's ghost, and now I can see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And they're like, done, because she didn't work or whatever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Oh, yeah, I bet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yep. What was his miracle? He was a computer whiz. Was his miracle Taylor Swift's rise? He's the first millennial saint. What was his miracle? I don't think he had one. You have to have a miracle to be a saint.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You do. I looked it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
No, they have to have a miracle attributed to you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Jerry. I didn't realize I'm the only Protestant bastard in this room. Both of y'all are Catholic. I'm fully, I'm indoctrinated. I'm in the cult. I'm fucking, I'm confirmed. Yeah. And you can't leave if you're confirmed. What's your confirmation name? Xavier. Oh, Xavier. I did it because of comic books.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
But then eventually it would become, you know, they always were then persecuted in certain ways.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Oh, nice guy! Yeah. Is he really Constantine the Great? Yeah, that's what they call him. But I mean in terms of how great was he? Well, you don't know, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Make Constantine great again. I think. Yep. Yeah. I think. I like putting him on the spot. Really grinding shit to a fucking halt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Whoa, Constantine named Constantinople! He made it. He built it. That's an easy guess.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Lawrence was my father, and he got burned to the stake by his ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You truly were sort of almost like a brave figure in a way because you were openly against God. Yeah, I hated it. In Catholic school. Me too. They used to call me little devil kid and used to do this at me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You know, you could have asked somebody better. because I'm the kind of person, I look to write new material every day. I try to make sure that every time I go and they do a different bit, everybody's super entertained by what I do. All right? That's me, Larry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
That same year, though. This is for Christian comics. This is Jim Gaffigan's saint. Oh, no. Yeah, this is the saint of Hot Pockets material.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It's my Jackie Mason. I don't know why I started doing Jackie Mason the other day alone in my house. Because he's fucking hilarious.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It's called irony. It's kind of fun, right? In a way, I did this to know it's a kind of fun thing where you look at this, right? Oh, I said it's treasures because these people are all frowning, right? Everybody here, they suck, right? Everybody here, they're sick and no one wants to be around them, right? That's why I brought them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You're going to laugh. You're going to laugh about it. I hate him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Hey, let's think about this. I think we've already done enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Oh, whoa, this is new. Whoa, wow. I got that new gridiron smell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Turns out they didn't want me well done. They made me medium rare. Come on, everybody. Come on. There's no reason to be upset. You seem to be frowning at me because my face is a sea of scars.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Reprobus. Reprobus? Reprobus. Reprobus.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Hi. Hi, you know, hey. I'm a doctor. I work out five times a week, and I have over $100,000 in my 401k. Wow, that's so attractive. Yes, my name's Reprobus Johnson. Thank God I also love to eat vomit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Also, I'm not calling on Christopher to save me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
We did this once. This guy, it's like, he's just a comedian. You can't have an opinion these days. Yeah, it was so hard to do comedy back then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I would feel the shards. Where are Mother Teresa's bones? I have a business opportunity. Listen, where are Mother Teresa's bones? I'm looking it up right now. According to how she's in the mother house, of course. Yeah. Oh, this liar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You just got yourself kissing a guy, man. That's what that is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I always kind of like the idea of running into a first date and pretending to be a time traveler and saying you've got to fuck because you've got to go back because the future's over and all the women are illegal. And that's why it's good to fuck you. That's the way you do it. You've got to come in with a character sometimes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I don't understand. So he fucking, yeah, he should love the cross. I never understood that. And so Reprobus is going to fucking, he's a fucking fair weather friend, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
That's all he cares about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
So Christopher is essentially like Christ's caddy? That's all that means?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, that's later on when people got fucking lazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Guess what? Jesus was Indian. Was he? If he was anything. I don't think he was Indian. He was in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
He was Asian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, what is this? You know nothing about Daffy Duck? Yeah. It's like, ow, ow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Wow. Should it be D-headed? Instead of B-headed? Yeah. I actually wonder why it's not D-headed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
That's what I do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
That's what I do by being a fucking moron. You know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Yeah, dogs are good for that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, that one old yeller whacked him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
No. The key is to make sure if you're traveling, that's how you know you can tell the police officers that you're traveling, is that you have the St. Christopher thing up there and you cannot be arrested because you're not operating your motor vehicle in a business aspect.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It's fun. Yeah, honestly, it does sound like a fun topic altogether, but only religion can make this boring.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Sebastian was H-O-T-T-O-G-O? Oh, we're going to get into it, bro.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Hope you like the aftertaste. More of a syrup than a wine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
More of a glop. Don't put it in your pussy. Unless you want a little baby Sebastian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You did it. I know Marcus is an ancient name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Edward did, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, we'll continue. I'm sorry I did this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
He was going to show how he could bottom for Christ. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
But the reason why they are, so the reason why miracles have to be attributed is because it has to show that they were chosen specially by God and that they worked, that God, it's not them doing the miracles. It's God doing it through them. Through them. Gotcha. And so that's, and Jesus was supposed to be the ultimate example of you're destroying the avatar of God that I've brought to you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
To open it up. Because the whole point of the Jesus sacrifice is that he then opens heaven for us. Everybody can go to heaven. It's not just angels. It's not the most pure. It's that everybody can go if they follow the way of Christ. This is kind of the same thing as that he has to go through. It's about being the middle man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And I also think he just asked her a question for the first time because she's the only gay man that she's ever met.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Well, especially if your main dude is the flayed savior boy. You are, of course, then going to view that as good. Oh, yeah. We're going to get into that angle of it here in a bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
They're all just whipping each other.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
That's what Julie has to deal with every time she has to go into the bathroom after you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Married life is amazing. I love chicken and the egging it. That's what we call it in our house.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
She's making the eggs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And I think that that's a thing that we should start talking about. I think that too many people get called survivors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
My question is, is that, do you think on some level... they would masturbate to this material? This is a genuine question.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
The monks that make the paintings. The monks specifically don't masturbate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
But the idea of making him sexy. Are we not like... Then jerking off at it? Because is this not what porno was? I mean, they make him sexy to be like him, Jude Law, like the sexy Pope.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Mother Teresa should have been cut in four parts. Like if we were really going to make her a saint. Cal cut her in two parts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, because he's sexy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
More could have died. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
No. No, Black Plague killed as many as it could. It really did its best. And I think that medicine stopped, well, AIDS, in terms of working on that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Oh yeah, that's why I fucking prayed to the fucking Noid. Oh, yeah. I love that guy. St.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Oh, yes. Oh, the Noid is my saint. The Noid. Yes. Saint the Noid of Assisi. A pipi. The saint, the Noid of a pipi is one of my favorite of the favorite saints.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Thank you. And that comes from the pun-ish-ment center of the Vatican.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Does it mean charge of all sex workers and ophthalmologists?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It's a fun conference. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
We know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, from your ass. With all the feces.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Are you happy with that, audience? Because we're going to keep it in. We're going to keep it in because we want to. Because we want to. And because the Sandy Hook parents won. It was very real. It was extremely real. And the Sandy Hook parents won because they bought InfoWars.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You should never hear that anymore, wealthy pagan family. Where's the old money pagans?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in there. But again, in this context, it's activism. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
There's something about it. He doesn't like helping the neck. It's hard to kill a lesbian. That's what I heard. That's what I heard from my father. That's what I heard from my grandfather. That's what I heard from my baseball coaches.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I know one of you is and you're lying to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
They viewed that as the, that is the local holy man. That's kind of what they're talking about. Somebody that was specifically so, you know, just so in tune with Christ that they became like sort of an aesthetic person.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
So you think that baby Jesus is going to make sure your coochie gets fucking filled?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
This black liar. What? Is she in Calcutta? She is in a, where is it in Calcutta? I think it's next to Calcutta Cleveland. It was in, yeah, Mother Teresa's tomb is in Kolkata. It is in Kolkata because she had such good memories there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Just dressing up as Jesus Christ. He's got a local hooker helping him doing the Virgin Mary stuff. Slipping her some fucking shrooms in her dinner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It's one of the worst ones. I still think that crucifix is pretty bad, too, because you drown in your own blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I do think that's worse too, but again, there's a meme that I've seen, but the first couple of seconds of that probably feel great. Oh yeah, for a little bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
No, dude. No, she's lame. It's not the same, man. She didn't even do it out of the titties, which is the fun way to shoot milk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, it's like a different stroke. You remember a different stroke when they go into college? Different world. Different world. Different strokes was scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Technically out of her neck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Awesome! That's like Evangelion!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It's so much to go through. It is. It's a lot to go through. I'm really surprised you haven't watched all of it. And we talk. We're friends. There's a bit of a barrier at times. Yeah, that's the idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It's called fan service, and they're making fun of fan service.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, that's the idea. Pen Pen is making fun of fan service. Is that what it is? It's meta.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Fuck Abigail.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
When you get to the end, it's good. Cool. Oh, after the 20 hours? But I am not as good. I don't like the boy whining either, but I like it towards the end. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Different Stroke. Singular. Which is just the father. The father of that having a stroke and trying to figure out how to jerk off again. God, I love the old television. They don't make shows like this anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Matt Reeves is a good director, but he's ruined everything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Honestly, if you have time to pray to St. Barbara before an explosion, you should be running.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Who are not going to be the horniest people on the face of the planet than pagan tutors? They don't even have to worry about keeping their jobs. Tutors are paid by the hour. That's a gig work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Have you ever tried that when you're getting like, you know, It is bad. You ever run from your dad before you get the fucking spanking or whatever? And then it always makes it worse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, he's big. Yeah, he's big.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Ancient Christianity has almost nothing to do with modern Christianity. Like, what it all turned into from the old, old, old days, like right after Jesus quote-unquote died, like, this is like—it really was— much closer to the ancient pagan actual magical process thought. Of course. It took a long time. They had to make it white. You know what I mean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Ah, sweet, sweet Borborka. You get five weeks off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Look at this. St. Boborka's. Wow. Continue on. I'm looking at pictures of Boborka.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And this was all done by the Karksmi Pruini, or loosely translated, the Brewer's Lodgings. So this is like dude club stuff. Yeah. So the minor groups get together and that's just all they do all night is they raise hell and they get drunk and they play pranks on each other. Yep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You know, it honestly sounds like a lot of it sounds very interesting. I'm looking this nice because it's like because how important petroleum is to petroleum and salt to the Poland's economy. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, they they say they they hold miners in high regard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
They had to take it out and they had to strip all the fun out of it in order to convince you, the parishioner, that you had no power and that you had to speak to the priest that is the only person that could gatekeep God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Is there a difference between fresh salt... What do you mean? If you went down to the salt mine and you got some fresh-ass salt. I think salt's the same. I think so, but I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
There must be. I figured you'd know this. Yeah, there's table salt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I know those types of salt, but I don't know whether or not if it's fresh salt. You don't really want freshly brewed beer. It's gross.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Sometimes, if you left them in the bad fridge, they'd get skunky. Eat shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It really was. Skunky beer was a part of my life, and then it just stopped. I don't know why. It's not like the beer got better.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You didn't have to drink it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I guess it's that Reuben box.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, and you can't drive with them anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Anybody remember skunky beer? You ever had red dog beer? Come on. Remember Coors Drive? When we start naming all of the specific beers that we have, this is officially... This is what you asked for. Barbarca Day. Yeah, this is Barbarca Day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Because the old days, they used to vote, the community used to canonize, and it used to be more informal. But then as the church got involved, when canonization actually became an official process, that's when, as it always does, it becomes like Nepo Babies, essentially.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
We went through so much here today and we're not better for it. Yeah. I want to say thank you so much for being here. That's right. Because without you being here, we can't make our own future religion. Because I think it's huge for us. I've been, you know, ruminating on it. Yeah, we should. I've been thinking about it. How do we get canonized? Oh, man. You have to sell the catalog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
What if we lied at the church?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And try to get in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah. And it got you creative and started thinking about it, and you're like, oh, that's a great sin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And it's like, if you were a good-ass priest. And all of a sudden, you're the kid with the big mouth. Oh, that's how it is. If you were a good-ass priest, you would improv your way to unfold it in. You would fold it in. You know, that's the idea. You go like, oh, yeah, sure, dinosaurs. Angels. Angels.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
The dinosaurs are the Natalie Woods of the Bible. Patreon.com slash last podcast and left. Speaking of DLC, you can get all of our extended adventures on the Patreon. We got BTS. We have live streams. Come see all of our fucking bullshit and shit on there. It's like you watch us wiggle around on there. Go to LP on the left for all of our socials. Tick-tock and Instagram. Tick-tock and Instagram.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And go to LastPodcastLift.com. We are going to be doing live shows. We're out there. We have so many fucking live shows coming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, we're going to be fucking happy. The goal is to make sure we can perform, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Because Billy Wayne, right before, he sent an email.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, I don't think we should do a dab bar and then attempt to perform. I feel like we're going to forget to do the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
No, because it's frightening. I did a podcast with Frank Castillo. He did it all with dabs, and it was one of those where it's like 45 minutes in. I'm like, you know when you've been talking for so long, and they're all looking at you, and it's like, What in the living fuck have I been saying for the last 45 minutes?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, exactly. You have to live your life. I love dabbing, but that's for when I'm finally not talking to anyone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Honestly, it's very political. We're full of activism today. Hail Satan, everyone. Oh, okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Really fun stuff. That's just a funny sketch. Just a room of malfunctioning robot saints is a really fun idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
They are middle managers for the Godhead, who is supposed to literally be the most powerful creative force in the face of the planet. But what this shows you is that sometimes God... doesn't care. And that he needs to pass you off to his other guy. Oh, you want to do well in your roller skating competition? Talk to St. Rollesifer. He's the guy in St. O'Wheels.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
I gotta do shit like make volcanoes that kill deer that no one can see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It's like the guy that got caught for sucking all the toes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Yeah, yeah. Well, no, the guy in Big Bear that was breaking into people's homes and sucking on their toes while they were sleeping. Oh. Real saint-like behavior. You see, this is... What is interesting about the function of the saint is that it comes out of the very, very OG way of practicing Christianity.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
So for a while, like when it first started, I was watching, I watched a good documentary on it. And they watched a, the, uh, the Christian church would, they'd have some formal churches and temples, but that's not really the main way. Cause they were, the way the religion developed is that actually they had developed in secret.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And part of the way it developed is that the, the worship services would largely be in crypts. They would go into ground, they would go into tombs. And also most of the time, the way these functions did is that there was a loose group of believers and there was a guy who That would be the intercedent for you and God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
They believed this guy was that he was holier than all the rest of us for some reason, probably because he dick didn't work. And then what he did was like say they would pray to him while he was alive. And then what would happen is that he would die. And then that person would be then their bones would be put in the crypt where they're working.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
One thing they notice is a very early Christian establishments is that when you went into a crypt, there would be benches and you'd have bones all all around them. And you'd see written words written on the walls to the bones as intercedents for them to talk directly to God. Because, again, God's Bazzini doesn't give a fuck about you. So he need you need an agent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
You have to, you're supposed to have an, this is what we believe in Catholicism. Representative. Representative. So when that guy would die, that's where all this started. Where this guy, a person, and then it would eventually become like, what if that guy was like a super popular version of that? The guy that would die and then when he was dead would then become the direct way to talk to God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And this was also based off of the hero cults. of the Greek and Roman myths, like things like Hercules, those are based off real people. Like those stories are all based off real actual heroes of the time that then people would use as an intermediary. And largely this kind of just comes from the fact that we as humans love polytheistic religions. And this is a way to cheat that inside of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Mother Teresa, if we smash up her bones and we piss all over her bones and we take that piss because of the magic of Catholicism, the piss becomes magical. Then we're making our own magic piss using the bones of Mother Teresa. And that's called money making money because piss is cheap. You can just get a priest to bless your piss. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
And it's fucking necromancy. Yeah. This whole thing is necromancy, because it's about talking, which is the reason why nobody else liked the Catholics, because we had this little function where everybody else had, like, essentially, they could talk directly to God. God wasn't busy enough for them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
It doesn't keep coming. It ended a very long time ago. Also, the persecution here is they are using it as propaganda. Yes. Within the church to say, don't you want to be a saint? The way you do that is to make sure you die extra gnarly for Jesus Christ. And it has to make that gnarly death like an advertisement. Like, we want you to do this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
Like, please, please be flipped over on a grill four or five times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 598: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The OGs
But when we were in the British Museum, I was reading a thing about Nero, like as we were sitting there. And it is interesting because largely the stories about Nero seem to have been because he was so popular and young. And then eventually they blamed a lot of stuff on him after the fact.