Linda Clemons
Appearances
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Studies have shown it is very difficult to be deceptive or lie unless you're a psychopath, sociopath with the palms exposed. Why is it that when someone accuses, Minda, did you take my laptop? I didn't do it. Did you take my cookie? I didn't do it. The palms are exposed. So it's important that when you're doing your virtual presentations and you're speaking honestly from the heart,
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
They need to see your hands. And especially, specifically, if you're in the financial industry, they better see your hands.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Thank you, Minda. I'm excited to be here.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Absolutely. So think about this. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. So we're in a diverse world. You have a diverse team and we want to seek to understand. So here in the United States, it's so important if you're doing face-to-face business, eye contact is critical. We deem it critical up to 85% of the time, because this is what we think.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
If I'm not looking at you directly, you're thinking, okay, she's a little shifty. Something's going on with the deal. But what if I'm doing business with someone from another culture that perhaps just got into the country and perhaps they're from an Asian culture, Japanese, if you will, direct eye contact in your business meetings can be deemed disrespectful.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
As a matter of fact, they look at the super stern on notch. So in dealing with different cultures, understanding that our language or even our colors of the clothes that we wear, if I'm doing business in China, they've relaxed it a little bit, is that the color of white was a sign of Good morning. So what if I was wearing a beautiful white suit, my linen white suit to a meeting?
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
It could send a different kind of message. So when in Rome, you do as the Romans do. When you have a diverse audience, you want to honor and respect the different cultures and be very careful of using what we call in body language emblems. And it's like sign language for nonverbal communication, not for the deaf community. But what I mean is emblems that go like this, A-OK.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
First of all, because we have a natural connection that I felt and believed that you were sincere about me being here as being excited and seeing an old friend. So your body language gets an A+.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
That's what that means in the United States. But what if you have someone from another country where this is actually obscene and insulting? So you have to be aware of that. And it's so important to honor and celebrate our differences. And particularly if you want to persuade, convince and preserve relationships.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Let's do it.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
OK, so let's think about this. So I'm going to give a little insight for everyone. When you're reading on verbal communication, your first lesson is to know the person's baseline. And the baseline is that individual's norm. Oh, that's just Jim. That's what he does all the time. So he leans back and says, my door is always open. But yet he closed the door to the heart.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
even though the physical door is open. So your brain is saying, no, it's not because he's saying it's open, but he closed off his body. So what he's saying to you is that, yeah, my door is always open if I want to hear what you have to say. But don't bring me no crap.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So it's very important to know the baseline that if I'm a new hire in your company and I come out and says, Minda, I was just in there with Jim. And even though he said that his door is always open, I just didn't feel that. Now, what if you walked in the room and Jim shut the physical door? Okay.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
And, but what you're talking about was not really that big a deal, confidential or personal, but he shut the door. So if I'm a kinesthetic individual, an emotional based communicator, I'm thinking, oh, if he called me in the office, I'm in trouble. Then all of a sudden, now he's sitting there and talking to me and he leans back. Hey, Linda, my door is always open.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
And his body, look at the body language open. So if you ever need to talk to me, look at the hands again, everybody. If you ever need to talk to me, you're welcome to come in. As opposed to my door. No, it's not. He's locked and loaded. No.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
You can't, right? Exactly. Very good. You advance, Minda, you advance to the next session.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
It gets an A plus.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
And this has happened before. So here's what I want you all to think about. Timing and context. Here again. the coworker, is this their norm? When everybody speaks, they're always looking down, taking notes because they may be visual people and they have to write it down. So we got to find out what their baseline, if it's their norm, but what if they only do it when you're speaking? Okay.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
That's a hot button. So it could mean a couple of things based on If you know their baseline. So first example, if you know their baseline and then everyone else did their presentation and he or she didn't take the notes. But when you did it, it could come across as I'm not listening to what she has to say. And it's called dismissal. So, again, your observation, you're looking around.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
OK, she's doing it then. So maybe that's how she learns since there's no PowerPoint. Maybe that's how he operates. So they have to write it down. So you're getting to know what their norm of the baseline, but they only do it to you. Dismissal.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Absolutely.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Yes. Okay. Number one, it could be, let's say that's their norm. Always does it. Like you said, it could be their nervous trigger. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Now that depends how fast that they're nodding. You just gave me the indication how fast they're nodding because their feet are pointed towards the door. Make note of this, everyone. Feet don't lie.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Feet are pointed in the direction they want to. So think about the time that you've been in a networking circle. Let me see if I can demonstrate this. So I'm looking at you face forward, head on, and we're all in this circle. And I'm ready to go. Watch this. So you're telling me, oh, Linda, we should get together. And I'm saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And thus my feet, the body's turning.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Your body language is critical, and especially if you are a leader. Quite often, and parents will tell you, young adults don't necessarily do what you tell them to do. They do what they see you do. Why is it important as a leader? Your actions speak before you do. You can say one thing, but yet your body language will indicate that you mean something else.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Yeah, get me at the office. Call me. So if it's a fast movement, I'm ready to go. Hurry up, get to it. That's what that means. Now, what if they're going like, wow, they're taking it in and they're nodding where their feet wouldn't be pointed towards the door unless they begin. That sounds good. I agree with you. The feet begins to move slowly. but they're ready to exit.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
How you been? How's family? Yeah, yeah.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
It has helped me tremendously because it allows me to get into a person's space as to who they are. And because I know this, if a person is pretty much sensitive in giving the feedback, I'll let them know it's a safe place. Hey, I'm a direct person. Just tell me. My feelings won't be hurt because I can tell through their hesitation that They're trying to gain permission.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So I allow them that space. If someone is sometimes a little too direct, could be aggressive or abusive in their vocal tone, I let them know in that way by matching their tone in a more positive way. Says, look, hey, we don't have to beat around the bush. Just go ahead and tell me. So I begin to connect with them on that level. So to let them know,
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean that I don't know the art of war if they're coming to me that way. So it has helped me tremendously by having the advantage. Now, the disadvantage is this. When we want to see and feel and believe the best in people, that's human nature. We want it. So when I think it was Maya Angelou that said, when people show you who they are. Believe them. Well, yes and no.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Because who they are in that seven to eight seconds that it takes to make that first impression, but we know they're trying to show their best, put their best face forward. But if they're showing me a different type of person, because they just came out of a meeting and I'm meeting them for the very first time and they're very, maybe abrupt and don't have time at all.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
I don't know what happened prior to coming out to me. So I could say, oh yeah, I met that woman. Minda, I know you speak highly of her, but she was quite rude towards me. Then you said to me, she just had a major loss and just got the news or just received that medical call that no one wants to hear. See, so I judged them on what they showed me, but didn't allow them to be able to go deeper.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So here's the thing I want you to remember. And this is so important. And no one ever really talks about it. And you hear the saying that goes, you could only get one opportunity to make a good first impression. I may get the one initial opportunity to make the good first impression, but I can take the remainder 10 to 15, 20 minutes to validate whether it's true or not.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
See, so if I'm acting this way, all just prim and proper, and then next thing you know, when I think everyone's gone and you peek around the corner, I kick the cat. Oh, so I gave you the one initial impression, the one that we use psychologically to be liked. because we want everyone to like us. But then when the lights are not on us and we think everyone's gone, then your true essence comes out.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So what I say to folks all the time, it takes that four to seven or eight seconds, if you will, but remain in that moment for the next 10, 15 to 20 minutes to see if they're consistent. See, it is so important, the congruency in the words, the tone and the way you behave. I get it. You can tell I get excited about this subject.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So it doesn't matter what you say, your nonverbal will get in the way. You and I both know when someone believes in something and they're convicted about it, look how my hands are moving in sync with my words. They have that commitment. How many times you've worked with a manager or a leader, or someone that you're talking to and you ask them, how do you feel about XYZ?
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Yeah. The biggest thing that has been an eye-opener for me is that people who want people to trust them, Some of them, the people that I've experienced, do not give it back themselves. They want people to be loyal to them, but yet they are not loyal. They want people to be authentic, but yet they're not authentic. So it's the distrust that they have of everyone else.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
but they're not giving it and not understanding what they're not gonna no longer receive it. And they don't have a clue. And so the biggest thing that I've realized that a shocker for me is that so many people are actually clueless. They're clueless of how the energy that they're giving off. They're clueless of their non-verbals.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
And there's a saying that goes, how can you see the picture when you're in the frame is having that awareness of what you look like. That's what the mirror is for. When I say the mirror, not just the physical mirror in your home, in your bathroom or your bedroom. The mirror is my friend, Minda. Girl, tell me when I'm out of order in a meeting. Fix my crown. Tell me.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
having someone that can honestly share with you. You know what? When they made that announcement of the person that was getting that new position, and I know you were up for it, the way you act, what do you mean the way I act? You sat back and you turned towards the door. You were done. See, now you're my mirror because I'm acting in the emotional moment and may not realize it.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Absolutely. Can I give a one plus a little bonus? Yes. Give us a little sauce on there. And I like it spicy. So I'm going to put some hot sauce on it. So here's the thing that is so important when giving and receiving feedback, be a hundred percent present in their presence. So whoever you're speaking to, don't worry about the distractions, make them feel at that moment,
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
that they are the most important person in the world because we're in a fast food world, if you will, everything is quick. So can you imagine giving someone the intention for them to be heard, to voice their opinion, for you to give facial validation, that's affirmation, And confirmation is so critical. And the key in building that trust is building rapport.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
How do you feel about the new director? How do you feel about this project or the move? And they'll do something like this. Well, it's okay. Now you notice what I just did. They did a shoulder shrug. So anytime you see a shoulder shrug, it cancels out the verbal message. So once again,
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
People just don't like people who are like them. People like people who like them. That's why for those that are in sales, the old cliche is get people to like you. No, start loving and liking people and you will be amazed at what will be revealed.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
What gives me hope is the fact that people of all ages, backgrounds, race, color, gender, creed, doesn't matter, young or old, they see something in the message that I'm giving and they'll see a little part of them. That's what I do. That's how I come across. This is what happened in my relationship. The biggest thing that happened for me is one of my presentations was at a junior high school.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
And I was their keynote speaker. And there was about over 600 students in the room. And there was a young man that was sitting in the rack. We would call the nosebleed. And I did a demonstration on the stage, preparing the kids. If you go for job interviews, if you're doing this for the summer. And it was at the end of the presentation. that this young man running back behind the stage.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
And they said, no, no, no, no, no, Ms. Clements has to leave. And I said, I never have to leave when it comes to a young adult. I need to hear their question because it's important to them, not tomorrow at that moment. And Minda, I get emotional just thinking about it.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
The question this young man asked me, he says, I noticed that you were reading the body language of the people, of my fellow students up there. It was like magic. And he asked this particular question. He said, can you tell from someone's body language if they no longer want to live? Now, what if... I was doing the diva dip, too busy to stop and take that moment.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
It disturbed me that, of course, there's a guess. I had to talk to the principal. And later on, after talking to their parents, the child was troubled, had some things going on. But there were letters in his little drawer at home that he was writing about ending his life. Needless to say, they got the young man additional help. But that question triggered.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So what gives me hope is that people can come to you and they will come to you and they may ask you a question and they may be saying something and you may or may not hear it and get the true story. But here's where the true story will come. They may ask you something and it may not be direct, but the body language is going to tell you what's going on. So what I challenge everyone to do
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
To everyone out there that's listening and watching this, you want to make sure that what you say, you have a commitment and conviction to it because if you don't, your body will give it away.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Be 100% present in their presence. Learn to hear. Here's my little saying. Learn to hear the inaudible. They're not saying, Minda, how you feeling today? I'm calling my friend Minda on the phone. Minda, how you feeling? Girl, how you doing? Want to go get something to eat? Oh, I'm doing okay. That's not Minda's baseline. That's hearing what she's not saying.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
And being able to see the invisible, perhaps what they're thinking that comes out. That gives me hope. If each and every day we take a moment to watch for those little things. If we do that, then we begin to 10X our communication and we get better in our interpersonal skills. And it helps us become not just better human beings. It helps us become better human becomings.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
One of the kids asked me during the Q&A, they said, okay, you're an adult, you're like our mom, but are you a big kid in an adult's body? Now, that was the best compliment, knowing your audience. But Minda, I was able to meet them and connect with them on a level that builds rapport. So that's why I have my nieces teach me all the latest dances, the lingo that the kids are using.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So I know my audience. So when I come out there, I'm not coming out there sounding like a mommy or daddy tone because they'll tune out.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So let's talk about the communication theory. The communication theory was done over 50 years ago by Dr. Maharabian out of UCLA. And in his study, you have a lot of behavioral experts and communication experts says, oh, that was 50 years ago. But let's hear the numbers. It says that in the study that our words are 7% of our communication. So just think about that.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
What if we speak a different language? 7%. So are your words passionate or passive, poison or potent? Are the words that are coming out of your mouth genuine and authentic? Our tonality is 38% of our communication. And then our body language is 55. So add the 38 and the 55, that's 93%. So if you are not committed or convicted to what you're saying, then what's gonna take place is leakage.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Yeah, I hear you saying this, but I just got this feeling something's not right. Something's not coming out and that's what happens. So when individuals do this and they're having this communication, it could be perhaps maybe I don't want to hurt the person's feelings or perhaps I'm trying to lead them in a different direction that they may not be agreeable to. Here's what takes place.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
If you need to say what you mean, mean what you say, and it's so important because then everything is congruent. Why is that important? Because your brain, The amygdala, the truth brain is not going to go down with your girlfriend. So you can think about something, but whatever you think about, it's going to come about. So I can't emphasize this even more how critical this is.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So let's just say I want to give constructive, caring feedback. Notice people say constructive criticism. When is constructive criticism? If you're saying construct and you're criticizing two opposites, right? So I want to give feedback, caring feedback.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So one of the things that you want to do, what happens if you're giving this feedback and Minda, the individual, perhaps on your team that perhaps you inherited that individual, right? and you really don't want them on their team, the feedback could look like this. Minda, I want to talk to you about your job performance. Look what I just did.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Well, Minda, I want to talk to you about your job performance versus, well, Minda, I want to talk to you about your job performance and the direction. See, look, notice I'm leaning in versus arms folded. So be it a full folded arm or half folded arm, I'm covering a power zone. What is a power zone? The heart is one of those zones, the superstortle notch and the heart is another zone.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So when I'm closing this off, it's like closing the door and I'm trying to give feedback, That's going to help someone versus when we lean in, we lean towards things that we have an interest in, we're curious about, and we want to bring towards us. So, Minda, I want to talk to you about your performance. Notice that my palms are exposed.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
versus, Minda, I want to talk to you about your performance. Oh my gosh, already judged. I'm already criticized. It's over. So it's very important that, I think it was Stephen Covey that said, begin with the end in mind. How do I want this feedback to go? Do I want the individual to walk away empowered, enriched,
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
transformed, feeling better, open to learn and correction, or do I want them to walk away damaged? So when we begin with the end in mind, then we say to ourselves, what words? I want to choose my words. My words are 7%, but the tone is 38. The individual that I'm speaking to, Minda, could be an auditory dominated communicator.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So if the tone is not right, it goes back to what our moms used to say. I don't like that tone that you're using. So, again, beginning with the end in mind. And how do you want the person to walk away? Some of the things that I tell my students and my clients, you want people to walk away better and not bitter. Because if they're bitter, they're not going to take any advice.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
They may try to get even. So how do I want them to walk away? And do I want them to say, you know what? Thank you for that feedback. Thank you for that information. This could help me in my career. How do you start it off? saying something positive.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Minda, what I love about you is that when you do interviews, man, you're so comfortable, you're so genuine, you're authentic, and you make your guests feel comfortable because you're doing it in conversation tones. Those are things that I love about you. Minda, here are some areas, some opportunities that perhaps you could add value or enhance what you're doing.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Now, but what if I started with the negative or the correction first? Then the person won't hear the positive because it depends on how they take it based on how you deliver it. So I hope that helps.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Yes. Okay. Now, I love this. And they say that, right? So let's do a remix, everyone. Let's do it. It's not just what you say and how you say it. It's what they hear. Oh, my goodness. So if I said, hey, Minda, hey, Minda, I saw Steve and Sandy at the mall the other day and they were alone. OK, you're going to say, Linda, big deal. Everybody goes to the mall. Even the tone.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Hey, I saw Steve and Sandy at the mall the other day and they were alone. But what if I said this? Minda, I saw Steve and Sandy at the mall the other day. And they were alone. Same words, but different tone that sends a different message. So now what does the person hear? Oh, my gosh, there must be something going on with Steve and Sandy. That's an HR issue all because of the tone.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So it's so critical. It's not just what you say and how you say it. It's what they hear based on how you deliver it.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Absolutely. I had a presentation a few years ago at a conference you and I both spoke at. And one of the women just simply asked a question. Well, you talk about tone, Linda. Does tone make a difference in dating? We're talking about at work, leading people. And all of a sudden, someone says, does it make a difference in dating? And I said, your tone is so important. It can soothe the savage beast.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
It can bring peace. if you use it right. And it can also track the right person. So I asked someone in the audience to go get me a man, find me a man, any man. And they brought back someone that worked at the hotel, not planned, never met each other. And I said, look, you can see that this is a conference of women. but I need your help.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
I want to demonstrate something that is so important for women in business and how they negotiate and how they work. And I bring this man up on the stage and I gave him two examples by simply using my vocal tone and the whole audience. And I told the audience, I can get them to melt in minutes. Just by the way, I changed the tone on the request. He start grinning, start shifting.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So can you imagine with the right tone, the tone that your mother uses when growing up, when we know mom is serious, the tone that we use when we know that we're not playing or joking or jiving around, if you will. So the tone can make a difference in getting compliance, agreement and commitment.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
The biggest disconnect is not being truthful and authentic in what they could say. It's understandable that certain information proprietary, they may not be able to release or their leadership says, we can't make this announcement, but you need to let them know there's going to be some changes. When they do not have a commitment to to the message, that's the thing that sends the signal.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
I heard him, I heard her, but I'm looking at you. But Minda, all I know is something's not right. Let's get a meeting in the break room because there is no commitment. Now, let's say you have a leader and let's just use a male as an example. And women, we could talk about you because it's important, but if you're dealing with male leadership. So let's say there's gonna be some changes around here.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So a man walks in the room and says, there's gonna be some changes, we're gonna have to cut back. He's wearing a suit and a tie. The jacket is buttoned. And watch this. He says, we're going to have to cut back. There's going to be some changes. However, we're all in this together and we're going to roll up our sleeves. Well, here's the thing.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
He said we're going to roll up our sleeves, but he didn't do it. So what do you think? So Linda, what difference does it make? Oh, it makes a big difference. What he's saying is that we're We have to roll up our sleeves, but I'm in that leadership role. I'm not going to do it.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So what would have been more impactful if he believed that, hey, as the leader, I'm in there with you, that if he would have took off his jacket, loosened that tie and rolled up the sleeves without saying a word and then saying, we're in this together. So as a leader, being a woman, as a leader out there, if what you are saying to your team And this is critical.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
And I keep going back to it over and over again. If you have any doubt, it's going to come out. So if you have any doubt in the message, it's going to come out and it's called leakage in nonverbal communication. So again, it's so important to remember that.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
And to my sisters out there, to the powerful women that are out there, quite often we hold back information because we are beginning to create narratives. Well, if I say this, then they'll get upset that if I do this, this will take place. And therefore we hold information and then people will begin to feel betrayed. Like you knew this was happening and they're even harder on women.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So just keep that in mind. Tell me what's going to work. Tell me what's happening. Tell me what's not going to take place. And I'll believe you when you tell me the other negative stuff, because you were forthright with me.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Absolutely. So it's so important. You notice I'm trying to set up as much as I possibly can. So when you're doing virtual presentations and you want to Zoom like a rock star, here's what you've got to remember. All business, and there's a book titled All Business is Show Business by Scott McCain, that no matter what you do, it's show business. You have to sell it.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
So if you are a leader and you're calling a virtual meeting, if you're not on the screen, Why am I going to be in the screen? Conduct allowed is conduct approved. So it's one thing you're telling all of us to turn on the screens. And when they're not on the screen, you don't see them. So they're going to do what they see you do.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
The second thing is that my grandmother used to say, and particularly for those of you in sales, think about this. She would say something like this. Minda, you're going to love this. Baby, if you're trying to get a million dollar contract, you can't show up like $1.99. if that's not a mic drop. So when you're on the virtual screen, you want your background to be inviting.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career
Your goal is to make an impact and not a diss track. And it's important to show as much of your upper carriage as possible. You want to show as much of your upper carriage as possible. And in your virtual presentations, you want to emphasize, punctuate, and use your hands, using gestures to emphasize what it is that you're saying, and making sure that your palms are shown. Why is that important?