Lady Miranda
Appearances
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
And it was not a good debate. It was more of that, oh, it must have come from your side. Oh, no, it had to have come from your side. And it's, you guys, I'm not broken. I don't have a disease. I'm just wired differently. And my family had a very difficult time accepting it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
And I would go as far as to say that they got to a point where they acknowledged it, but there's never been a true acceptance of it. That's really hard. And I've had to pull away from my family for my own well-being.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I've had some friends that I've had for a long time and they recognize that I'm autistic and they don't seem to have an issue with it. The thing I think with friends You know, the society we live in right now, everybody is so caught up in their own lives that there's not a lot of communication between friends that often anymore.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I do a pretty varied amount. I tend to like to mix genres.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
And so people just always figure, oh, if they want to talk to me, they'll reach out to me. And that's true of most people. But what they don't realize is that as an autistic person, It is at least twice as hard, if not three times harder for us to be doing the ones reaching out all the time.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
And there'll be times where I will go lengthy periods of time without speaking to certain friends because I get to a point where I can't reach out all the time anymore. And they're so caught up in their world that they don't reach out either. And it can be very isolating.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Yeah.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
We need to change the dialogue. So there's a lot of programs and information and therapists and research and whatnot that are geared toward getting the autistic person to either change their behaviors or try to change their thought process or try to help them fit into the neurotypical world. And that's the problem. We don't have that skill set.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I didn't go on the road as much this year because I took some time to travel through Europe. I just got back December, maybe three weeks ago.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
So no matter how many programs you develop or how many therapies you develop to try to change us, we can't. The dialogue needs to change. Instead of saying, hey, neurodiverse people, let's put you in this program so you can learn how to do X, Y, and Z. We need to say, hey, neurotypical people, you need to learn how to communicate differently. Because socially...
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Neurotypical people have skill sets that we don't have. And it's not to say that neurotypical people can't struggle in social situations, but small example, if someone is trying to start a friendly conversation with me or even flirt with me or whatever, I don't know that's happening. People around me have to tell me.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
But they recognize that it's happening, even though I'm the one that is happening too, and I don't recognize it. There is a skill set that people who are not autistic have where they can pick up on those little things that we can't.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Rather than, let's teach you guys how to fit into the world, we need to teach the world how to fit in with us, how to open up these doors to make things simpler for us. We need to have grocery stores that have sensory hours. Different things like that. The dialogue needs to get reversed.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
That's something I've really been trying to dig into. I think doing my traveling through Europe was actually very eye-opening because they look at disability very different than we do in the States. Not necessarily in a better way, mind you. I had a lot of struggles traveling in Europe.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
But I've been trying to dig more into that because as a musician, obviously, right now, I'm trying to figure out how can I grow my audience with my limited social abilities? Because posting on social media for me, for most musicians, that's something they do normally on a regular basis. I struggle with that.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Two or three weeks ago. I'm still adjusting to being back in this time zone.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
But I'm not any more wealthy than anyone else to where I can afford all these promotional services. And so that's always a challenge is how can I grow my music and my brand without being able to post on social media regularly?
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
And so I feel like I've been looking for ways to find more support within the community because if I can't do stuff like that, then someone like me is going to need help to do stuff like that.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I've also been looking at ways that I can get involved in helping the workforce environment change to where it's more inclusive of neurodiverse people.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I've been trying to start some conversations with folks that do stuff like that in the UK. I've been trying to look into more programs and organizations. I'm back in school to get my master's degree in philosophy because I feel like part of my job is to help educate others.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Unfortunately, in this country, you can't do that without a master's degree. It's hard because you don't always know where to start. And there's not always that supportive community around you either.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I can imagine. Yeah, I had quite an experience even going from like Finland to Poland. And it was that's not even that far between as far as countries. But I travel with a service dog who unfortunately is going to need to retire at the end of next year. But there were airlines that wouldn't allow her on because unless you're blind or deaf,
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
They don't consider you disabled enough to need your service, dog. And they don't understand the only reason I don't freak out navigating through the airport is because I have her there with me. So, yeah, it was a big challenge.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Yeah, everything bothers me. I have sensory issues. When you're navigating the airport, it gets really crowded. Depending on whether or not you're familiar with the airport, I can get overwhelmed just trying to figure out where I'm at and where I'm going. Sometimes people are helpful, sometimes they're not, but depending on your timing, you don't always have a lot of time to get additional help.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I appreciate you having me, giving me the opportunity to talk about it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
And so that's a challenge. Unless you need a wheelchair, they don't really meet you at your gate or at the desk or help guide you. I always make sure that I'm there at least two hours ahead of time so I have time to find where I'm supposed to go and then can settle in from there.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I think before I'm going to go on, I have to mentally prepare myself. I probably don't socialize as much. Not that being autistic, we socialize a lot to begin with, but I probably even more so keep to myself prior to performing and then again afterward.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
just because even though I've performed before and I'm used to doing my songs and getting up in front of people, I still get like that a little bit of sensory overload and I have to bring myself back down from that. So a lot of times I'll leave the room and get some air or make a bathroom trip. I have to do things beforehand to make sure that I'm not going to stress out about something.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I have to make sure I've eaten and had water because my brain will start to freak out about the smallest things if I haven't taken care of myself. And so it just requires additional steps to make sure that I've done everything that I need to do as far as my basic needs so that when I'm performing, I'm not thinking about that.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Too many people trying to talk to me. I've gotten used to it because being in the music industry, you get used to talking to other musicians and people, but sometimes you constantly get stopped. A lot of people don't realize that all those little interactions take more mental space for me.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Sometimes that can give me additional anxiety because I'm trying to be sociable, but at the same time, I need to be ready to perform. So it's really a fine balance. It's nice when I can go somewhere where there's a back room or something that I can go into beforehand and be by myself where other people can't find me. Not to sound mean because I like people, but it can be a lot.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I'm a solo artist, so I normally perform with my tracks. I have performed with live bands locally before. I've done some guest performances and I've done the live band scene before I started working on my solo career. So I am used to that scene as well. It's a little bit more sensory overload for me with a live band, but I have done it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I have to really block out a lot of things around me. So provided that the people playing the instruments are on key, because if they're off key, that does something to my brain and throws me off. So it's really important that everybody's in tune. but I have to block out everything else.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Because I love music so much, I can listen to the music and block everything else out to where I almost lose track that there's even an audience.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I've learned how to look to the back of the room so that it looks like I'm looking out at the audience, but I'm really not looking at anything in particular, except the wall maybe, and just focusing on spots where the lights aren't directly hitting me in the eyes. It does take a lot. I've had to learn a lot of tricks over time how to block out different things.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I probably don't move around on stage as much with a live band just because I'm more focused on the live music and blocking out the other distractions. It's harder for me to multitask at that point, singing and moving across the whole stage. So I tend to stay in one spot a bit more with a live band. So there's a lot of adjustments I have to make.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
It is. And I think that's why right after a performance, I tend to take a little break and I need to go somewhere that's more quiet, usually outside or the bathroom and take a few minutes to decompress. And then of course, after performances or shows like that, I pretty much, I don't go to a lot of after parties. If I do is for a very short period of time.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
And then I get to a point where I'm like, get me out of here. I've gone to some of the award shows where I'll go to the after party and I'll get to the point where I'm like, okay, get me out of here. I will leave before anybody even knows I'm gone. And I just disappear.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I don't mean to be rude by not saying goodbye, but I'd rather get out faster than risk having a meltdown because I'm too overstimulated.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I can tell when they're coming on, depending on the situation. Sometimes you can get yourself away from them and sometimes you can't. It really just depends. As far as music is concerned, usually I can be like, you know what, I got to go. And just take off. Because a lot of people don't understand what goes on behind a meltdown. And they often take it as like I'm having some weird overreaction.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
And it's not really something I can control. And so I'll start to feel this buildup of anxiety. My meltdowns usually look like me panicking. I tend to, I think, sound like I'm getting a little hysterical or like I'm raising my voice. I cry a When I get in full-blown meltdown mode, I cry. So if the tears are coming out, it's too late. I'm already past that threshold.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
We're not getting better from there.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I think that really depends. I know that something that can help when you're having a meltdown is having supportive people around you or a supportive environment. If people understand you're autistic and something is triggering you, having someone help calm you down is helpful.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
When you don't have that, it takes longer because you have to pull yourself out of the meltdown enough to self-soothe, which is tricky. People talk a lot about depression and how a lot of times people can't help themselves out of depression. It works the same way. It's really hard to help yourself out of a meltdown.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Depending on if you keep having triggers come at you while you're having a meltdown, that can prolong the meltdown. So it varies depending on the situation. If I'm able to leave once my meltdown starts, I calm down much faster, obviously.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I was actually diagnosed late in life as an adult, which is actually very common for women. We present differently. And since we don't present the way boys do, there's not good criteria for diagnosing females. Right now, the criteria is more male-focused based off of the signs that they show. There's a lot more research out now about females.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I was an adult, and it was a very extenuating testing experience.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
It was recommended to me by a group of psychologists because even though I've been able to work in the same area for many years, staying in one position for longer than a year and a half to two years has always been very difficult. I deal with extreme boredom, so extreme to the point where You build up a lot of anxiety going to work.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I would get so extremely bored I'd want to cry, like physically cry. I was also having some depth perception issues. I went to speak to someone about it, and they asked me a lot of questions. They asked if I would be willing to do this lengthy questionnaire interview process. It was recommended by a team of psychologists that I get tested or evaluated for autism.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I do have other autistic relatives. My nephew is autistic, but he got diagnosed when he was young. Boys, again, present more obvious than girls.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Sure.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I wasn't really surprised. I think it made a lot of things make sense. And when I look back at my childhood, things that I got in trouble for were signs that I was autistic. Because I was a smart kid, I was a gifted child, that masked the fact that I was autistic even more because people just assumed I was just this really smart kid.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
They didn't really factor in that there was something else going on. And I feel like I really didn't have... the childhood that would have supported that. Back then, nobody really talked about being autistic. Nobody really knew about how it presented in girls. And it made a lot of things make sense.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
And then, of course, it meant that I had a long road ahead of me of learning how to not mask so much and how to be myself and how to manage all the things that were difficult for me that I didn't really know why before. And now I do.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I'm a multi-genre artist. I've won multiple music awards. I write my own music. I write the lyrics. I'm working on a new album right now, so that should be coming out early next year. I'm excited about that.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Yeah.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Yeah, I was diagnosed in my 30s. And in a lot of ways, it has made some areas of my life easier to understand. I think the hard part now is getting other people to understand. And that's always the challenge because... People have this strange misconception that I can learn to be different and I don't have that skill set.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Yeah. And I get that all the time. I go, oh, you don't look autistic or you don't seem autistic. And I'm like, what is that supposed to look like?
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
And the misconception, because there's different levels of autism and I'm considered high functioning, the misconception is that because I'm high functioning that I should just be able to navigate the world as is. High function is a misrepresentation. I'm high functioning in some areas, sure. But in other areas, not so much.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Oh, dear God, yes. Very much. Relationships are very difficult because communication for autistic people looks very different. I don't know how to read between the lines. I'm terrible at hints. Whether it's friendships or romantic relationships or even relationships with my family, I can't navigate them the way people want me to.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
I have this joke with myself that if you think you're a good communicator, you should talk to an autistic person.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Unfortunately, and this is true for a lot of autistic people, we don't all have very supportive families. And I've come across a lot of autistic people who do not have supportive families, and I fall in that category. I have one sister who's absolutely great about it. But that's it. And it was hard because there was a debate between my mom and my aunt about where the autism came from.