Lady Miranda

And it was not a good debate. It was more of that, oh, it must have come from your side. Oh, no, it had to have come from your side. And it's, you guys, I'm not broken. I don't have a disease. I'm just wired differently. And my family had a very difficult time accepting it.

And I would go as far as to say that they got to a point where they acknowledged it, but there's never been a true acceptance of it. That's really hard. And I've had to pull away from my family for my own well-being.

I've had some friends that I've had for a long time and they recognize that I'm autistic and they don't seem to have an issue with it. The thing I think with friends You know, the society we live in right now, everybody is so caught up in their own lives that there's not a lot of communication between friends that often anymore.

I do a pretty varied amount. I tend to like to mix genres.

And so people just always figure, oh, if they want to talk to me, they'll reach out to me. And that's true of most people. But what they don't realize is that as an autistic person, It is at least twice as hard, if not three times harder for us to be doing the ones reaching out all the time.

And there'll be times where I will go lengthy periods of time without speaking to certain friends because I get to a point where I can't reach out all the time anymore. And they're so caught up in their world that they don't reach out either. And it can be very isolating.

Yeah.

We need to change the dialogue. So there's a lot of programs and information and therapists and research and whatnot that are geared toward getting the autistic person to either change their behaviors or try to change their thought process or try to help them fit into the neurotypical world. And that's the problem. We don't have that skill set.

I didn't go on the road as much this year because I took some time to travel through Europe. I just got back December, maybe three weeks ago.

So no matter how many programs you develop or how many therapies you develop to try to change us, we can't. The dialogue needs to change. Instead of saying, hey, neurodiverse people, let's put you in this program so you can learn how to do X, Y, and Z. We need to say, hey, neurotypical people, you need to learn how to communicate differently. Because socially...

Neurotypical people have skill sets that we don't have. And it's not to say that neurotypical people can't struggle in social situations, but small example, if someone is trying to start a friendly conversation with me or even flirt with me or whatever, I don't know that's happening. People around me have to tell me.

But they recognize that it's happening, even though I'm the one that is happening too, and I don't recognize it. There is a skill set that people who are not autistic have where they can pick up on those little things that we can't.

Rather than, let's teach you guys how to fit into the world, we need to teach the world how to fit in with us, how to open up these doors to make things simpler for us. We need to have grocery stores that have sensory hours. Different things like that. The dialogue needs to get reversed.

That's something I've really been trying to dig into. I think doing my traveling through Europe was actually very eye-opening because they look at disability very different than we do in the States. Not necessarily in a better way, mind you. I had a lot of struggles traveling in Europe.

But I've been trying to dig more into that because as a musician, obviously, right now, I'm trying to figure out how can I grow my audience with my limited social abilities? Because posting on social media for me, for most musicians, that's something they do normally on a regular basis. I struggle with that.

Two or three weeks ago. I'm still adjusting to being back in this time zone.

But I'm not any more wealthy than anyone else to where I can afford all these promotional services. And so that's always a challenge is how can I grow my music and my brand without being able to post on social media regularly?

And so I feel like I've been looking for ways to find more support within the community because if I can't do stuff like that, then someone like me is going to need help to do stuff like that.

I've also been looking at ways that I can get involved in helping the workforce environment change to where it's more inclusive of neurodiverse people.

I've been trying to start some conversations with folks that do stuff like that in the UK. I've been trying to look into more programs and organizations. I'm back in school to get my master's degree in philosophy because I feel like part of my job is to help educate others.

Unfortunately, in this country, you can't do that without a master's degree. It's hard because you don't always know where to start. And there's not always that supportive community around you either.

I can imagine. Yeah, I had quite an experience even going from like Finland to Poland. And it was that's not even that far between as far as countries. But I travel with a service dog who unfortunately is going to need to retire at the end of next year. But there were airlines that wouldn't allow her on because unless you're blind or deaf,

They don't consider you disabled enough to need your service, dog. And they don't understand the only reason I don't freak out navigating through the airport is because I have her there with me. So, yeah, it was a big challenge.

Yeah, everything bothers me. I have sensory issues. When you're navigating the airport, it gets really crowded. Depending on whether or not you're familiar with the airport, I can get overwhelmed just trying to figure out where I'm at and where I'm going. Sometimes people are helpful, sometimes they're not, but depending on your timing, you don't always have a lot of time to get additional help.

I appreciate you having me, giving me the opportunity to talk about it.

And so that's a challenge. Unless you need a wheelchair, they don't really meet you at your gate or at the desk or help guide you. I always make sure that I'm there at least two hours ahead of time so I have time to find where I'm supposed to go and then can settle in from there.

I think before I'm going to go on, I have to mentally prepare myself. I probably don't socialize as much. Not that being autistic, we socialize a lot to begin with, but I probably even more so keep to myself prior to performing and then again afterward.

just because even though I've performed before and I'm used to doing my songs and getting up in front of people, I still get like that a little bit of sensory overload and I have to bring myself back down from that. So a lot of times I'll leave the room and get some air or make a bathroom trip. I have to do things beforehand to make sure that I'm not going to stress out about something.

I have to make sure I've eaten and had water because my brain will start to freak out about the smallest things if I haven't taken care of myself. And so it just requires additional steps to make sure that I've done everything that I need to do as far as my basic needs so that when I'm performing, I'm not thinking about that.

Too many people trying to talk to me. I've gotten used to it because being in the music industry, you get used to talking to other musicians and people, but sometimes you constantly get stopped. A lot of people don't realize that all those little interactions take more mental space for me.

Sometimes that can give me additional anxiety because I'm trying to be sociable, but at the same time, I need to be ready to perform. So it's really a fine balance. It's nice when I can go somewhere where there's a back room or something that I can go into beforehand and be by myself where other people can't find me. Not to sound mean because I like people, but it can be a lot.

I'm a solo artist, so I normally perform with my tracks. I have performed with live bands locally before. I've done some guest performances and I've done the live band scene before I started working on my solo career. So I am used to that scene as well. It's a little bit more sensory overload for me with a live band, but I have done it.

I have to really block out a lot of things around me. So provided that the people playing the instruments are on key, because if they're off key, that does something to my brain and throws me off. So it's really important that everybody's in tune. but I have to block out everything else.

Because I love music so much, I can listen to the music and block everything else out to where I almost lose track that there's even an audience.

I've learned how to look to the back of the room so that it looks like I'm looking out at the audience, but I'm really not looking at anything in particular, except the wall maybe, and just focusing on spots where the lights aren't directly hitting me in the eyes. It does take a lot. I've had to learn a lot of tricks over time how to block out different things.

I probably don't move around on stage as much with a live band just because I'm more focused on the live music and blocking out the other distractions. It's harder for me to multitask at that point, singing and moving across the whole stage. So I tend to stay in one spot a bit more with a live band. So there's a lot of adjustments I have to make.

It is. And I think that's why right after a performance, I tend to take a little break and I need to go somewhere that's more quiet, usually outside or the bathroom and take a few minutes to decompress. And then of course, after performances or shows like that, I pretty much, I don't go to a lot of after parties. If I do is for a very short period of time.

And then I get to a point where I'm like, get me out of here. I've gone to some of the award shows where I'll go to the after party and I'll get to the point where I'm like, okay, get me out of here. I will leave before anybody even knows I'm gone. And I just disappear.

I don't mean to be rude by not saying goodbye, but I'd rather get out faster than risk having a meltdown because I'm too overstimulated.

I can tell when they're coming on, depending on the situation. Sometimes you can get yourself away from them and sometimes you can't. It really just depends. As far as music is concerned, usually I can be like, you know what, I got to go. And just take off. Because a lot of people don't understand what goes on behind a meltdown. And they often take it as like I'm having some weird overreaction.

And it's not really something I can control. And so I'll start to feel this buildup of anxiety. My meltdowns usually look like me panicking. I tend to, I think, sound like I'm getting a little hysterical or like I'm raising my voice. I cry a When I get in full-blown meltdown mode, I cry. So if the tears are coming out, it's too late. I'm already past that threshold.

We're not getting better from there.

I think that really depends. I know that something that can help when you're having a meltdown is having supportive people around you or a supportive environment. If people understand you're autistic and something is triggering you, having someone help calm you down is helpful.

When you don't have that, it takes longer because you have to pull yourself out of the meltdown enough to self-soothe, which is tricky. People talk a lot about depression and how a lot of times people can't help themselves out of depression. It works the same way. It's really hard to help yourself out of a meltdown.

Depending on if you keep having triggers come at you while you're having a meltdown, that can prolong the meltdown. So it varies depending on the situation. If I'm able to leave once my meltdown starts, I calm down much faster, obviously.

I was actually diagnosed late in life as an adult, which is actually very common for women. We present differently. And since we don't present the way boys do, there's not good criteria for diagnosing females. Right now, the criteria is more male-focused based off of the signs that they show. There's a lot more research out now about females.

I was an adult, and it was a very extenuating testing experience.

It was recommended to me by a group of psychologists because even though I've been able to work in the same area for many years, staying in one position for longer than a year and a half to two years has always been very difficult. I deal with extreme boredom, so extreme to the point where You build up a lot of anxiety going to work.

I would get so extremely bored I'd want to cry, like physically cry. I was also having some depth perception issues. I went to speak to someone about it, and they asked me a lot of questions. They asked if I would be willing to do this lengthy questionnaire interview process. It was recommended by a team of psychologists that I get tested or evaluated for autism.

I do have other autistic relatives. My nephew is autistic, but he got diagnosed when he was young. Boys, again, present more obvious than girls.

Sure.

I wasn't really surprised. I think it made a lot of things make sense. And when I look back at my childhood, things that I got in trouble for were signs that I was autistic. Because I was a smart kid, I was a gifted child, that masked the fact that I was autistic even more because people just assumed I was just this really smart kid.

They didn't really factor in that there was something else going on. And I feel like I really didn't have... the childhood that would have supported that. Back then, nobody really talked about being autistic. Nobody really knew about how it presented in girls. And it made a lot of things make sense.

And then, of course, it meant that I had a long road ahead of me of learning how to not mask so much and how to be myself and how to manage all the things that were difficult for me that I didn't really know why before. And now I do.

I'm a multi-genre artist. I've won multiple music awards. I write my own music. I write the lyrics. I'm working on a new album right now, so that should be coming out early next year. I'm excited about that.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was diagnosed in my 30s. And in a lot of ways, it has made some areas of my life easier to understand. I think the hard part now is getting other people to understand. And that's always the challenge because... People have this strange misconception that I can learn to be different and I don't have that skill set.

Yeah. And I get that all the time. I go, oh, you don't look autistic or you don't seem autistic. And I'm like, what is that supposed to look like?

And the misconception, because there's different levels of autism and I'm considered high functioning, the misconception is that because I'm high functioning that I should just be able to navigate the world as is. High function is a misrepresentation. I'm high functioning in some areas, sure. But in other areas, not so much.

Oh, dear God, yes. Very much. Relationships are very difficult because communication for autistic people looks very different. I don't know how to read between the lines. I'm terrible at hints. Whether it's friendships or romantic relationships or even relationships with my family, I can't navigate them the way people want me to.

I have this joke with myself that if you think you're a good communicator, you should talk to an autistic person.

Unfortunately, and this is true for a lot of autistic people, we don't all have very supportive families. And I've come across a lot of autistic people who do not have supportive families, and I fall in that category. I have one sister who's absolutely great about it. But that's it. And it was hard because there was a debate between my mom and my aunt about where the autism came from.