Kyle Cooke
Appearances
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah, I think probably some realities will be different. Um, but I think, like I said, I, I lived that summer, you know, and I, one thing I want to remind people that I don't think are fully aware is we had gone into couples therapy about a month after we got engaged the prior summer. So we got engaged at the end of August.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
We went into couples therapy about October and it was like, we had still had these kind of conflicts and this challenge of communication styles. And I'm not kidding. Like we, at one point in our couples therapy did a Gottman exam and a Gottman exam is each couple takes it individually.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Then the therapist reviews the results and then has meetings with you individually to kind of understand more about the psychological things going on in the relationship. And I'm telling you, the alarm was sounded big time when these tests were revealed individually.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And there was a lot of things that trickled down from that, which were very real in the relationship, but were very, you know, things that we had to really focus on. But we went into a couple's therapist's office every week from October, November of that fall to basically the time we broke up that you saw.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I felt like we were doing the work. And honestly, there was things that we learned in the room, like certain tools that we would try to implement within a conversation or within an argument to try and either diffuse or create more of like a safe space to have that kind of dialogue. we both are emotional people. And I think sometimes the world we played in, I'll give you an example.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Like Kyle went on a, an interview and said some stuff that Lindsay had said about me. And like at home, how do you, you don't have like a babe, I wish you would have said something different. Like it's what the fuck, you know? And like you get a level of, intensity in her and I, as you've seen in previous seasons, have an intensity behind it.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So we weren't communicating as, I think, healthy adults, but we were trying to use those tools in the room. But I feel like we would go two steps forward and one step back.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
True story. That first episode, I had come back from a bachelor party in Ibiza. I almost said Ibiza, but I don't want to get punched just yet. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
um i got i went on a seven-day bachelor party and i returned and i had 24 hours and then that morning i met kyle at his apartment in soho and we drove to the hamptons in my company car for the first day of filming and he told me in the front seat he's like yeah we're doing something with these girls from la i was like
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
That particular moment, I wasn't on anything. What I'll fully admit is I drank Red Bull.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
i'll fuck you up and it had been something that had happened some other situations in our relationship where i drank a fair amount of red bull actually the day before we got engaged i drank a ton of red bull and i actually went to the er i mean she's told the story was on an episode from that season that night i was excited to be there because we're with our group of friends the more energy you're giving to the program the better it is like you got to bring it and
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I drank a couple Red Bulls, was excited, but I wasn't on any drugs. Now, how I define my sobriety, in my first year, I worked the program, go to AA, work the steps, fully sober. As I've entered into additional years of my sobriety journey, I started to try and figure out how do I resolve my anxiety and depression.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
There are ways you can do it naturally, but I didn't want to be prescribed Xanax, which I was in the past and I abused. I was prescribed Adderall. I abused that. I used to be prescribed Ambien. So when I got sober, I was like, how do I keep my anxiety levels and my depression in a reasonable place? And I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So I actually started exploring THC, like tincture, taking little droplets in the evening, helping with sleep. I found a medical grade pen. Now at times, sometimes socially, yeah, I would take some THC. But in those moments, I was completely dead sober. And I think that's where I was. It felt so strange because I was really sober and she's having these
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
he told me what vanderpump rolls i didn't know really what it was did you know you were going there to try to film a reality tv show i knew something was going to be like we're going to be followed around but kyle was like we're just going to do what we always do party and have a good time and they'll follow us around and kind of do what we were normally doing so it didn't seem like that disruptive toward regular that's the schedule programming yeah well lindsay reminded me when we interviewed her is that because i was like
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
feelings um but it also like like that moment the cocaine carl thing i mean no one's ever called me that in the history of your fiance the nickname i had anybody who really knows me because i had a i'm a coke addict i'm an alcoholic like i was a crazy cocaine person anybody who knew me it was crazy carl that was my name cocaine carl was never anything that was uttered and that's why it felt so
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
crazy but i never knew she said that until the show aired i'd heard some from someone after the fact like she said something about cocaine i'm like okay whatever and then the show aired and that's why i watched oh that's interesting but i want to say this And I've been really practicing a lot.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Lindsay deserves a lot of credit because dating someone who has addiction, who has challenges like myself, it's very challenging for them. And they deserve more grace, I think, sometimes than they get. It's not easy. I also didn't know how to communicate all the time what I was needing from my partner to best support me.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
At one point, Al-Anon was something that was brought up, which I think would have been a really healthy thing for the both of us, but that never was explored. You know, she never did go to, and I'm not blaming her for that, but I think there could have been some things maybe learned from that element. But, you know, like she, she also was very supportive at times.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
She really knew that I socially was maybe struggling at, you know, certain elements of stuff, but she always, when I first got sober, was like so helpful and like inviting me places and I could be myself around her. Mm-hmm.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Well, I mean, I've said this. Someone asked me, I was at Tom Tom on Saturday. Shout out to saying hi to Schwartz. Yeah, they had a little brunch. How's Tommy doing? He's good. He seems good. Actually, almost like a weight lifted off his shoulders almost now that the other things have been kind of closed.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I think he was, I mean, the amount of cash they were burning and all of it, but he seems like in a really good place. Um, but someone asked me on Saturday, like here I am standing at Tom Tom, people are ripping shots and I'm just drinking a mocktail. And then people are like, how do you film summer house with around all these people?
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And I, I mean this, I wouldn't be on summer house if I did drink. Because I wouldn't be there. I literally would not be there. Anybody who knows earlier summers, the show, I drank on the car rides out. My famous term was playing through. So I'd go out Thursday night in New York City, play through, shower, go to the production car the next morning.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I'd have either a brown paper bag of twisted tea or whatever I wanted. And that's what I did for many summers.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Honestly, I didn't want to admit it fully. I'll never forget. There was a, she's a woman, she's an executive at one of the companies we work with and she's been very, very helpful and supportive of me over the years. And, you know, they knew what was going on.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
They were mic'd up half the time and they could see certain things, but I was basically sat down at one point in 2019 by executives that were like, Hey, we're, we're concerned. I was like, okay, it's my drinking. I got it figured out. No, it wasn't just my drinking, but I thought I could just get away with saying it's just my drinking.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But anybody who knew Carl knew that one drink and it was on, it was on always. But she had at one point said to me, Carl, and I'll never forget it. She looked at me and she's like, is it just your drinking?
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
and i started like unraveling because for the first time i actually had someone call me out and say i know it's not just alcohol it's it's coke and pills and all the other shit as a result i would take xanax to kind of come down i would take ambient to help sleep all the things but um it still wasn't like right away like i'm gonna go to you know get my help i did it in my own you know bullish alpha male way like i'll figure it out i'll you know do this but
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Um, yeah, I mean, it, it, I had a lot of people tell me early on, like, Hey, you need to get some help, but it wasn't until like this particular adult told me, like, I know. And I'm like, oh shit.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But it wasn't still from that point. It took me another year and a half, two years to actually like fall on my knees. Wow. but it was a rock bottom moment that I had that really rocked. I mean, that particular summer season five was the COVID summer of summer house.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
We were all locked in this house, you know, and I, my mom had gotten remarried and a week later, my brother had passed away and I got the phone call while we were filming. Paige also tells a story like she could hear me crying from bedroom to bedroom. She like woke up at seven in the morning. Cause that's when I got the call. And I immediately ran up to Kyle's bedroom to tell him what had happened.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It's funny what you think it's going to look like. What did you think it looked like? You have no idea.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And Everybody really rallied around me that particular summer. But it was when the summer ended, I went back to my old Soho apartment. As I would joke, it was like my fuckboy pad. And I went right back into doing drugs and drinking all the time. But I was doing it alone. I would drink all day by myself and do cocaine by myself in my apartment. And call people, text people, say crazy shit.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It just was on this downward spiral. But in that fall of 2019, I was telling Lindsay, I need to move out of my Soho apartment. I need to get out of here. Maybe that'll help. She's like, check out my building. And I had been going to her building a fair amount and her building had some availability. So I actually found an apartment in Lindsay's building that December of 2019 and moved in.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And that's what developed our friendship even further. But I thought at the time, like, it'd be good to be around a friend if I'm going to actually go and like get sober. But yeah, I moved into that apartment. And first weekend, I told myself, I'm going to get in this new apartment. I'm not going to drink or do drugs in it. That lasted a day.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And from that point on, like early January of 2021 is when the show was going to be airing soon. And that COVID season, I was going to have to watch the episode of my brother. Like I just had this horrible anxiety and all this fear and shame because here I am drinking alone, doing cocaine alone. And people were celebrating me at that time.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Like, cause I was seemingly doing okay publicly and people were celebrating how I was reacting to my brother's passing. And it, it was the most, I mean, talk about what's the term, um, not fraud, but, um, there's another term I'm drawing a blank on, uh, uh, imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome. I felt like that one too.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
because i felt like i was getting like all like there was literally an article i screenshot it from the sun whatever the uk tabloid oh that's like fans praise car rad key for the you know how he's dealing with the passing his brother i'm literally holding a jar of cocaine in my hand reading this and i'm like this is terrible but i kept kind of digging myself deeper because all this fear of my brother's episode that was going to be coming can we talk about your brother sure we're all close
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah. I mean, he was kind of my... Is he older or younger? He was five years older than me. Five years older. His birthday will be tomorrow. Oh, wow. He would have been 45 years old. Wow. No, he was an amazing athlete. I love sports. I looked up to him. I'd say, I think for a period of time, he was my hero.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
He was somebody I was just admired and wanted to be like until he went kind of a different direction. And that was around... Since we're five years apart, it was around when I was eight or nine years old when I started to see more things at home. You know, he was drinking, getting in fights with my parents, running away. There was police activity in our house.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I mean, he had gotten arrested and the police had been at our home countless times. Um, and I tell, I told this story, my mom's like, oh, you're revising history. And I'm like, this is what I remember, but I was having a party at our home and we lived in a small house in Pittsburgh. We weren't poor, but blue collar worked hard.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And I had a group of friends over and my brother had gotten in some sort of involved in some sort of issue, like a robbery at a convenience store the night before. And we had five cop cars show up to our house on a Saturday afternoon with NFL playoff football on. It was in January. And basically cop knocks on the door. We have a warrant to search the house. We have to arrest your son.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So my brother gets arrested in front of all my friends. And he's like a teenager. He's like 17. I was like 12. Wow. And my dad, I'll never forget. He calls some of the friends of mine's parents to come pick up their kids. And it's just like, that was stuff that happened in high school a lot. And most people around our town or friends of mine all knew that my brother had issues.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But at that point I was like, I distanced myself. So to answer your question was, were we close? Yes, but no, like I didn't want to be like him. I walked into my high school and everybody's like, oh, watch out for Curtis Radke's brother. So I made a point very early on, I'm going to do the exact opposite of everything he did.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Syracuse University. I have a small smile on my face because I honestly, I think it was a crash course in not only drinking, but cocaine use. And anybody who went to Syracuse would say this, but my roommates from college, I was in Pittsburgh.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I didn't know what coke was really until college, but my roommate in college, we went to Acapulco and that was the first time I did cocaine was in Acapulco, Mexico on one of those spring break trips.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
but it wasn't until really i got back to new york in my later 20s where it was more of like it's definitely more of a thing in new york it was a thing and like i joked like you could order a bag quicker than you can get a pizza and it's true i would play that game at night with friends i'd be like you order a pizza i'll order coke and see who gets here first stupid shit i'm not glorifying it trust me no no but i mean thanks for opening up about no and i'd say it gave me a confidence
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I'm a people pleaser. When I was growing up, for the most part, like I was shy at points, even though like I didn't mature as fast as some of my guy friends. I was a little more like, I don't know. I just wasn't like fully filled out. So I was a late bloomer. So I didn't have confidence all the time to like walk up to girls or I always felt like a little like not fully like confident.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But New York, especially, I mean, you'd walk into a bathroom, any bathroom for the most part, you're not trying to do it that night, but someone's doing a key bump at the stall and you're like, all right, fuck it.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
You guys, whoever's on the editing squad is crushing. It takes a village.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Totally. And I applaud Mary and her son, Robert, you know, for opening up like that. I mean, it helps me. And like, unfortunately, with certain topics, you know, I think it's challenging to discuss some of the addiction stuff publicly.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I mean, Hollywood trailer like. True. The one for, you know, the one I'm talking about. Oh yeah. That was, I was, that was my, my heart race faster. Sorry about that.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I, you know, I don't know if people remember this, but early on in Summer House, I talked about my brother's addiction and it actually caused a huge rift between us. Because I spoke about it almost making an excuse of why I was acting the way I was acting. I was like, oh, my brother struggles with drugs at home. He's a heroin addict. Making light of it. And he had seen that.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So it's really, it's hard to discuss these topics publicly. But I think the more we do, the more it kind of de-stigmatizes it and just lessens like the fear or shame or guilt. Cause that's a big part of it. I don't know. I feel like I I'm called in a way to like, you just open up and be really honest.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Cause I'm telling you the amount of people that still aren't really, really honest about cocaine or pills. Maybe the drinking is less so, but like, cause it's so socially acceptable where, you know, you have a lot of parents and I, it gave me a lot of, um, grace for my mom and my dad.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And I think hopefully for parents like yourself, as your children get older, how challenging it is to support and understand a child or a sibling who struggles with drugs or alcohol. It created a massive, we thought my brother's fucked up. He was an asshole. He's a piece of shit. No, he's sick. It's like, how do you shift that thinking from this person's horrible? They're stealing from us.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
They're lying to us. They're cheating, all these things. But it took a lot of work to get onto this side, which is he can't help himself. There's a small kid in there that's really sick and struggling. it was important to like seeing stuff like Mary and Robert, like parents do the best they can. And sometimes that's not even good enough either, you know?
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And it's, I have just applaud people for sharing openly. Um, I want to keep sharing openly cause I hope it creates others that want to talk openly. I know five years ago, I would have thought I would have ever admitted publicly. I had a cocaine problem. Like you would have been crazy. Um, but I, now it's like, Let's go. There's no point in not owning it.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah, so when I graduated from college, we... I moved to Los Angeles shortly after I graduated from Syracuse and I had a credit card that I'd gotten. I had like a limit of $1,500. And I loved the party still then. I bought a table in a club in Pittsburgh. We were balling out. It was like a thousand bucks.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah, I don't know. Maybe higher ceilings. Yeah, I wish they were higher ceilings. I didn't know what to expect. A lot of people say that when they come to watch what happens live with Andy. They're like, it's tiny.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And my brother had heard through the grapevine that I'd like spent a thousand dollars at the nightclub. and I had moved to LA a couple days after this and he lit me up. He's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're moving to LA, you're about to start your dream and you're pissing me off.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So he was giving me tough brother love at that point and then I joined the show and he originally was really happy for me and so pumped and he watched the show to support me. He turns on the show and it's me in the interview chair talking head going, yeah, my brother's a heroin addict. So this is true. You can ask Kyle or any of those seasons. Lindsay, remember this.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
My brother went on Facebook at that time and posted and posted. This is the drug addict brother that Carl Radke on Bravo, he tagged executives on Bravo. He tagged Kyle, Lindsay, the season one cast. My brother went on this Facebook tirade. And then sadly, like a month later, my grandfather passed and his name's Carl Radke. I took on the same name.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
My grandfather was like a big, big center rock of our family and he had passed away. And I was carrying the casket with my brother for this funeral. And we both were supposed to give eulogies, but he hated me. Like we didn't speak to each other. And the only time he spoke to me is we were carrying my grandfather's casket. And I just tried to tell him I loved him and I was sorry.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And that's actually the last time I spoke to him. So I still, I don't know, it's hard. I had an opportunity to talk to him before we filmed season five because he wanted to reach out and connect. But basically my TV show, what I said about his addiction, created a massive divide. And the last time I spoke to him for real was actually at my grandfather's funeral.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But that's a heartbreaking story. It's something I've struggled to live with a little bit because... I think a lot of us, sometimes when you have a loved one who's struggling, how it's really hard to deal with it. And I was very selfish. I was also in my own addiction and blaming other people and not taking accountability or responsibility.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But what I learned from that and how we talk about people's challenges or struggles is very important. And it's key to like really take a step back and realize like you wouldn't be mad at someone who has cancer.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
or someone who's got a broken leg but for whatever reason on these like this other mental stuff and these addictions like it's really hard for people to like have some grace and understand a lot of times these people aren't they wish they could change too but they don't know how did y'all even find out that he had a heroin addiction I mean, I actually used to watch him shoot heroin.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
We lived in a very small house that we shared. It was one floor on the second floor of our house, but it was just one big room. On my left side was where I slept and on his side. So I didn't realize it at the time, but when I was about 12, I saw him with needles and stuff. And I found needles.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
yeah and that's what's even crazier and i think how i am at peace with it my brother is in a safer place he lived a very hard life and a lot of folks who are in severe heroin addiction my dad used to take him to the methadone clinic and have you ever seen the show on fx um with michael keaton yeah dope sick yeah i i couldn't get i couldn't get through it it's
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
it's very painful to watch some of that because of just that world is very it's upsetting it's very it's just it's it's unbelievable but my dad made the comment to me when he would take him there he's like you don't see any old people there literally 22 year old kids walking out there's nothing on click you don't see anybody past that he's like you know why i'm like of course so my brother lived well past most people but um
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
The way I look at it now, like if I could have changed and gone back that episode of Summer House and not get that call while we're filming, I would have done that. But the way I look at it and the way I've turned it over is my brother at his core, I was told this after he passed, but like in rehabs, he would administer Narcan to other people. Wow.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
No, I initially was like, I don't do a ton of these kinds of things.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
kind of leading little groups of the younger guys being like hey i'm 44 like still or whatever how old he was he always wanted to help people and as a vehicle through me if i you know can tell his story and honor myself by getting sober getting help like what kind of person am i you know if i don't do that after going through something like that i felt like it was honoring my family honoring my brother and honoring myself was like i had to really look in the mirror here
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Um, and I wouldn't have really done that if my brother had not, you know, had that happen, but it happening so publicly, I mean, I've had thousands and thousands and thousands of messages. I'm sure like Mary and Robert have been getting in that kind of accolade and love. That to me was the amount of people that I've touched and my brother touched and helped maybe one or two people.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Because I always felt like just let the show speak for itself in a way. I'm happy to do podcasts about mental health or sobriety, like really diving deep there. But sometimes within the show, half of our fights over the last three or four seasons have been because of stuff like this. And that's where I know in other shows it's created a lot of conflict.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Then I think my brother would say like, that that's a plus, right? Like I would do anything to get him back, but.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
He had an amazing sense of humor. I said this yesterday to someone. The show Arrested Development, when it first came out on Fox, was not... People did not go, this is amazing. It got basically canceled after the first season. But my brother used to watch Arrested Development first season. And I just remember him laughing to this show. And I'm like, why is this funny?
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It was, but it was before we were ready for it. But he had an amazing sense of humor. And he loved music. So to this day, I turn on certain songs and...
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
yeah definitely um you know i think working the program and working steps hearing other people's stories of strength and hope as they say you know you said something earlier which kind of like the perception of going to aa is like everybody's got like a brown paper bag and they're dirty and haggard looking and yes there are folks that are still really struggling and come in like that but
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I was blown away by the other side of this world, which was Goldman Sachs executives, actors you recognize on major TV shows, successful people, well-to-do individuals who couldn't get out of the way of drugs or alcohol. And hearing that and seeing other people living like that, I was like, oh, I can do that too.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I probably could have gotten sober without it, but staying and then now being social, going out, filming a reality show that there's a lot of drinking,
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
yeah like i've learned a lot where now it's just like i don't even it doesn't even phase me because i just know what it's gonna how it's gonna affect me like i you don't drink bleach right like i look at alcohol the same way just it's gonna make me sick and i'm gonna do drugs and i'm probably gonna die that's um Well, credit to all you and all the work you've done.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Trust me, to answer your question in full, I feel pretty good. I'm also still learning how to communicate as a sober person. I still have emotions and still get bothered by things. There's a lot of work that still goes into staying this way or dealing with life as it comes at you. I lost my chapstick in the car outside.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
the way here and i was mad for like 30 seconds and like it's stupid right take a breath it's like it's chapstick who cares but like yeah had i been drunk i probably would have flipped out of the driver and told him like your car sucks how can a chapstick fall through like this so for me it just it creates like instead of like these peaks and valleys that i used to live off of it's now just like a wave
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I love doing this stuff, don't get me wrong, but I felt like taking a break from it.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
The more your wave like this and something crazy comes up here, the better you can deal with it.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Oh, some space from things and how that does help just taking a pause and reflecting on things. But yeah, I, um, I don't know. I saw in here, you went to Harvard business school. I did a program from my, it's pretty cool. Yeah. So when I worked at, It's called Ormco, stands for orthodontic research manufacturing company.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
We sold orthodontic supplies and dental supplies, and they had a program that you could apply for within staying, working there full time, but also going to like this digital hardware business school course. That's very cool.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
yeah kind of maybe even offer bring people back to that time and what was there's a really good quote about this that i found lao zu he's a philosopher and he's got these really like beautiful quotes about softness um and he says soft is strong and i know this probably doesn't answer your question and i understand why people are
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Where Lindsay was coming from in some of the softer commentary, what she was comparing, it's like saying to a man, be more like a man. And I understand how I maybe delivered that and what I was expressing. But I think what I struggle with a little bit is Lindsay has all those qualities. Lindsay can be very...
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
warm and soft and offering that support and that's all I was looking for because she has given that in other instances but when you're looking for a new career and you're weighing options for a job and you're trying to get the buy-in from your partner when up until that point it had been contentious about what I was trying to do with a career and what I was doing next I was thinking in my head like I can express what I was needing and
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
and hoping that she would understand now the way it was delivered and how i think it got interpreted was i mean derogatory and misogynist for sure but that wasn't necessarily my intention it was more about you know i have anxiety and depression and a lot of times like how i can feel better is like a hug and i know i got torched for asking her for a hug in that particular moment i mean you know but you know i will say you mentioned this earlier before you know
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
women oh go ahead i was going to read the quote what is soft is strong water is fluid soft and yielding but water will wear away rock which is rigid and cannot yield as a rule whatever is fluid soft and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard what is soft is strong that's all you were trying to say that's all i was trying to say case closed she had she has those qualities absolutely but job searching and
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I don't know, anybody who's ever tried to find a new job and their wife doesn't necessarily love what they're trying to do or their partner. It was hard.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
You guys are perfect communicators, right? Perfect.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
are now reliving it later on with a lot more amplification and quality production and all of that. But as you relive it the second time, for me, I take it as an opportunity to go, okay, that's not how I want to operate or treat someone or communicate. Like I've tried to take a lot of what, not unlike how football players watch footage after they play a game to break down tape.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I tried to do that a little bit and use it as a learning lesson. Because to your point, I don't think a lot of us have audience in our bedrooms. It's always your opinion and hers and then the truth, just like we're dealing with in the show. So now having these other audience members or other people weighing in, I hope it's helped me become a better version of myself to a degree.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But you also just sometimes have to go, you know what? We've all had things we said we wish we didn't say or we could have said differently. And we all know why we're here. We're making, hopefully, an entertaining thing. We're supposed to be living and giving our life. And the moment they stop getting mad at what we're saying to each other interpersonally, probably the show's done.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So I guess it's like you kind of sign up for some of it, but... Being a women dominated audience, which I absolutely love. Like we're, we have the best network on TV because the audience that watches Bravo, like they give a shit. They're so engaged. They really care. They, to this day, I don't have people come up to me in person, ever say you're an asshole. Never had that.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But on social media, you do in person. I get hugged and people call me up to me and they're very kind and generous. and even the people that I'm sure have an opinion always be like, well, you know, I, you made a mistake. You're learning.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Good boundaries. Kyle did listen to it. Kyle listened to it. Some of their close friends.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I don't know if I can do the bachelor. It's kind of what's different.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
you know I don't after you go through it you're like I didn't realize how small I mean TV in general like the first time we went to the first time I got to go like to a David Letterman taping I was like is that you know you think it's gonna be like he this big auditorium same with like SNL I went to SNL last year as a guest and it was like tiny I was like blown away by how but like they do so much in that little area
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It was, you know, there was a lot. It was hard, obviously, for a lot of different reasons, but I just didn't feel like it was It wouldn't do me any good to listen to all that. I just let her say her thing. And I was really firm on just like, let the season speak for itself. Okay. You know, I didn't, we were also advised not to be doing media as well. So she wasn't supposed to do the interview.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
That's not true. No. I wasn't... I was there, but I didn't... I don't even know who Maria from The Bachelor is. She was there in the different times?
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Hand to God, I've never met her. I don't even know what she looks like. You could hold up four pictures of people right now and I wouldn't know who she is.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I got together with Jesse from the Valley. What I said to Jesse, because he and his wife are going through a divorce and I didn't know all of some of the nuance to it, but he was asking me, he's like, dude, I went into that season last year. Like, you know, her and I were about to go on a big trip. Then everything went haywire.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And I'm like, well, every season I feel like with what we do is the thing you don't want to talk about is the exact thing they want to talk about. And the thing that you go into that season wanting to promote, wanting to push, wanting to be, they're like, screw that. And he was telling about this real estate deal he had done and he was all hyped up about it. And he's like, yeah, I got cut.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I'm like, that's what you want it on. What do they want? They want you and Melissa going through a fucking divorce, which is the thing you do not want to deal with.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Kyle Cook says this best. I think it forces you to have really tough conversations with that person. And if anything, the ones that stick together, I think are even that much stronger through it. Look at Heidi and Spencer, Kyle and Amanda still fighting strong. And then, you know, Ken and Lisa Vanderpump, like there's couples who've laid it all out and have been through multiple years of
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
putting it all out there, it's really hard. I've seen Kyle and Amanda, and I've tried to really support them. But personally between them, it's not easy. But I think it's hard.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I wasn't proud of Kyle and how you should never call a woman a bitch. You should never really flip out of your wife to that degree. Now, there's been a lot between them, and I love them both, but how you deliver frustration or communication with your wife really does matter, and especially... When you're on a show and you're screaming or yelling or swearing, that's not good.
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And I was not happy with him. And trust me, he's not happy with himself. But I will say Kyle is a really good person. He knows when he does wrong. He really genuinely feels sorry for it. I think he really does care. I don't think he's like a At his core, he's not like a total ass. I am actually.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Lindsay PR. So that's, hey, bless her heart. She's really good. We appreciated it. Of course.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I think that's the playfulness of their relationship. you know they at times you'll be with them and they give each other a hard time or there's a lot of inside jokes but I always I don't pay it too much mind now Jesse Solomon was commenting on some of Amanda's pictures and stuff and Again, I think it was all out of fun and kind of being silly.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But like, holy shit, Jesse Solomon. No, there was something funny. Me and Jesse were playing in a golf outing in the Hamptons in May. And it was a Loverboy thing that had sponsored. It was a charity event and we donated Loverboy and it was me and Jesse playing. And he took a selfie with like the tall lover boy can. And he was like, Oh, what should I caption it? Should I caption it?
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Like, I love Amanda's cans. I was like, that's funny. Like not like thinking of it. Then he posted it.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And it was like, yeah, that's kind of an aggressive caption. I love Jesse, but I think he's, he's learning to a little bit. Oh yeah. Him and Wes definitely had a,
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
a crash course I love the boys I mean they're a great addition it's good to have some more men or more guys in the mix you know I think Kyle you know we've had other guys like Andre or Luke who've been well liked and beloved but for the most part it's I feel like been Kyle or I kind of taking turns at the
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah, I mean, trust me, I like the opportunity to shed more light on more about who I am and kind of the 360 of Carl. I mean, you get to see, I mean, I feel like I'm quoting every Bravo person. Every episode is only 42 minutes long and there's commercial breaks. So you only really see eight minutes and 43 seconds of my real life.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah. I mean, I think most men's, egos directly attached to like their occupation or their employment or their career. And I was at a interesting kind of not crossroads, but I had been working with Kyle and Amanda on the lover boy company for about four years.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But Lindsay was also kind of saying and helping me understand like, this isn't probably your end all be all right, Carl, like, isn't there something more you want to do? And yes, there are more things I wanted to do, but I did struggle to, this isn't her fault at all. Like I was trying to really figure out like what makes sense for me. Like, Should I go start another non-alcoholic drink product?
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
No, that doesn't make sense. It took some time to figure that out, but I mean this. For the first time in my life, I had the ability and opportunity to not do anything and figure out what I wanted to do. Up until season three or four of the show, I worked full-time jobs and had to generate other income. In early seasons of the show, we weren't getting influencer stuff. It wasn't like that then.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So I had to find jobs to just pay my bills and to just do what I needed to do. But then finally, here I am in a relationship and she was supportive. But I thought, okay, I can take some time and figure this out. And I thought I had that latitude, but I also think Lindsay absolutely needs a more established guy who is well further along and kind of his level.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I mean, I basically got sober in 2021 and I got engaged in 2022. Yeah. You know, it was like a quick turn of events. I, like I said, I'm not, I need to take responsibility and accountability. Like I'm the one who asked her to marry me and I'm the one who pursued that and pushed for that. She'd, you know, met me in the middle, but I should have been a lot more like, okay,
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Where am I at with my career? Do I need some more time to really get back to baseline with myself? I didn't do that. Cause honestly, I look around a lot of my friends are married. A lot of my friends have kids since my brother had passed. Like I I've looked at my niece and I see her and I see my brother in her and I want to have children. I want to have a family.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And I think some of that might've been clouded by that. I also think when you first get sober, you're so dead set on trying to prove everybody that you got it all figured out and you're good and you're back to normal. And probably rushed into a relationship that validated those things, you know?
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And I wish I had maybe been a little more just paused because yeah, like I kind of, I felt like I had it all ready to go and figured out, oh yeah, I got a job. I got this. No, I didn't. And guess what? I'm still, I finally, I launched a new company this past year, but we're still like getting it up and running and I haven't generated income from it yet.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So if Lindsay and I had still gotten married, I mean, my career stuff would still be kind of in this
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
it is kind of true but um it is i in the last year or two with the whole breakup stuff i spent a lot of time just trying my best like figure out how do i navigate all this it's a difficult situation i didn't want to make it any more challenging than it already was and i felt like it was best just to stay quiet wait until the season airs really try to heal and watch it back and try to like move on from it but
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah, I think. And I've, I can feel that from her. I mean, there were some moments we had that you'll see on the new season. We had some conflict. It'll probably be good TV, but it was almost like we needed to have that. And I, you know, I still get a lot of therapy. My therapist before the summer started, I was telling her, you know, I'm nervous about filming.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I'm nervous about being there with she's pregnant. I was happy. I legitimately was happy for her, but I was like, it's a lot to take in. Kind of weird. A little bit. And she still has the car that we bought together, but she now has ownership of it. And I pull up to the house and the car I used to take to the dealership to get the tires changed and oil changed. There it is.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It was mentally interesting, but my therapist challenged me. She's like, Carl, this is a chance for you to get real closure and real healing because you're going to see her and you're actually gonna have to face her. But if you didn't see her, didn't face her, you probably would have built up more anxiety and resentment in your head.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But it allowed me, and I didn't know at the time, but I want her happy. I really care about Lindsay. I really do. I know Lindsay and I've known her and I see the little girl inside that I want to flourish and be happy. And I saw that little girl a little bit this summer where she was
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Through the social media world. Really? I mean, there was rumors popping all over the place. Yeah. But I had heard all, you know, through the whatever it is.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
You knew she had a boyfriend first, right? I knew she was seeing someone or had, you know, I think shortly after we broke up. I mean, she was, from what I understand, was dating the country music singer that was going to sing at our wedding. or had been pursuing him.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah, I mean, again, we spoke to his team. He was booked originally to sing at the wedding. And then I guess after the breakup, she did pursue that
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
whatever um you know but yeah i was picking up on different things of her life whether it was through the media or through kyle or when it was confirmed she was pregnant having a baby girl i mean what was your first reaction i know it'll be i'm happy for her and then no it's weird genuinely it was like wow like that's it was like not a shock but it was a shock yeah
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Um, another thing in my head, I honestly thought like it was something she's always wanted. And I was right, not right there with her, but she had a miscarriage and we all were like trying to rally around her. And I felt terrible about what had happened. And I try to be a supportive friend during all that. And I knew how much she really had dreamed of wanting to be a mother.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So I was absolutely so happy. I think what really hit me was like, damn, that was fast. Like, let's be honest. Like that felt, I was like, I hadn't even had sex with anybody since her. And I'm like, she's already pregnant. So that in my head was, I was thinking, but called a good friend of mine. And he said to me, he's like, dude, you couldn't have asked for better closure.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah, I mean, trust me, if I can get a chance to like clear the air and like tell my side, but I'm also I remind myself to sometimes like it's tough in this world on Bravo. You have very women dominated audience. Sometimes just shutting the fuck up is better and just taking accountability and saying, you know what? I screwed up. I'm going to go work on myself and just do that.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
He's like, take it and just embrace it. Be happy for her. And now you can move on. You don't have to worry. Cause it's not, not your issue anymore.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I have just through social media, social media, her partner. So I went to a wedding in Portugal in April for mutual friends of ours. Kyle and Amanda were also there. Um, so he was there. I didn't interact with him. Um, the show was airing at the same time. So imagine like you're at a wedding in person and then at 9 PM at night, the show is airing and we're still together.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So there's always those kinds of dynamics that are very unique. You're asking for a softer Lindsay and she's calling you cocaine Carl. And I'm at the wedding right in front of her. And she's with another guy and all that. But I've never met him personally. But Kyle has said to me a few times he's a really nice guy and treats her well. And that's all that matters.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But yeah, I don't have any other experience. She was also at a second wedding in June. Andrea from Summer House, who's a dear friend, got married in Italy and Lindsay was there.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
but he was not there she was just there by herself but we didn't interact it was very we wrote a shuttle bus together which i know danielle was like so you guys are civil but like civil your exes yeah it's like two co-workers who you know don't like each other but they're here for the better the greater good of the business i respect that and i really it always pisses me off when people are just like
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
yeah well i think the first moment i walked in and again i don't want to give away too much of the new season but from the jump i mean you know i arrive at the house and i you know she's celebrating her pregnancy which is great again but i really it took me a moment to really figure out how to deliver what i wanted to say because there's just a lot to take in um but i did you know i told her i'm happy for you and
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Very classic Lindsay. She made a comment to be almost like drawing back something she said on camera from a previous scene from a previous season, which was us the previous summer. I'm playing basketball in the West Village and she comes to the park to meet me. And she's basically her and I talking about the wedding.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And she's like, oh, maybe I'll be pregnant by next summer. So now fast forward, you'll see it on, and I'm giving away too much. Bravo is going to kill me right now. I hope that's not too much because I hope you guys have a lot of great stuff. If that's too much, Bravo's got a bigger problem. I try to play by the rules. But I basically was like, congrats, I'm happy for you.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And then she was like, yeah, I told you I'd be pregnant. I literally look at her like, yeah, you did say that. Good stuff.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Team Paige. I love Paige. You don't have to be teams. I'm fucking with you. I'm a Paige guy. It's been interesting to see everything unfold in the media as it did. I give her props for the way she handled doing it on Giggly Squad. There's no easy way to do any of that. I texted her the day I learned and I said, I give you a lot of credit for just stepping up and doing that.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I've learned from other guys on other Bravo shows that don't shut the fuck up and it doesn't help them.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I said, if there's paparazzi outside your door, then fuck them.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
um i i feel for craig but like you know if page doesn't want to be with him she doesn't want to be with him and that's fine it's her right he also has the right to be sad you know and he has the right to speak his truth too but totally i i was going to say though i think um like it's such a difficult thing to break up like i don't know like in that manner like she's on a podcast she's telling and i get he wants to share his side we're here for you craig but all i know is this i think
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I mean, I give him a lot of credit for going for it. I did worry that the distance and where they were career-wise was maybe not in line. Craig was ready to settle down, but Paige is young. How old's Craig? How old's Paige? Craig's like 35. I think Paige is 32 or 36. Paige is three or four years younger than Craig.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
but I was just saying that the team thing, like people are asking me like, am I team Craig or page? And I, what I say is there's no team here. You know, I feel equally sorry for both of them, but I will say I'm closer to page and have been friends with page more than I've been with Craig. I've had my personal opinions about him just as I've always had. But again, are there any, any criticisms?
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
No, I think, well, what's interesting is how, you know, this past summer we filmed with Craig in the Hamptons and I saw him loading the fridge with non-alcoholic beer and I was like pumped. I was like, oh dude, NA beers. He's like, yeah, I'm not drinking. I was like, hell yeah, man, let's have some fun.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But almost what I uncovered, it was like, you know, his behavior period of time was not great at all. That page was like, I can't be with you if you're going to be like this, you know? And I know she dealt with a lot of his ups and downs and challenges through that. And I feel like that got kind of lost in the shuffle. Like it was, Paige was hard on Craig and mean to him.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And it's like, no, Paige was actually very gracious. And I think helped Craig become a better version of himself. And almost the version you're seeing on this season of Southern charm, which is like, like the business Craig and he's like serious and focused and like, Oh yeah, that's good. That's cool to see. I worry it's a little too as a viewer manufacturer.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Oh shit, should we start rumors? No, we had a, I walked in that season, was single and I knew we were having someone new in the house. And I obviously, she is my like physical type. Like that's a girl I dated in college.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I was excited. Once I had some more time and some time to heal, I mean, even after filming this past summer, it, I mean, it took me until like June to really like just get my confidence and like my own self in a good place. And I finally, you know, feel like good.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But she was one that like, oh my God, like she was very attractive and had a cool personality and just something about her. But that summer, I mean, I was total fuck boy mode, was saying one thing and doing the other. Um, but I will say like, what's funny and I, Paige and I can joke about this, but the whole narrative of that season was that I didn't text her during the week.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
We, I took her to Cindy Lauper at Madison Square Garden on a Tuesday night during the week. She was there with me and, and Lindsay and Everett were together at that time. The four of us during the week were at a concert. Yeah.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
page knows this um now yes i didn't always communicate during the week but i did take her out during the week it was clear early on that we were probably just better being friends i also i just thought she was really hot and was enjoying this like the fun flirty thing we'd go into the pantry we would honestly eat snacks and make out and like the pantry became a bigger thing than we even realized but um
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah. I mean, I love, I don't think Paige would ever go for me or vice versa anymore, but I, I'm just a huge supporter and I love, she's been really kind and generous to me over the last year and a half. Even in the breakup, she's been supportive of Lindsay. She's been supportive of me, but just like the friendship I feel like I have with her feels really solid.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Like I can, I trust her and like, she gives me good advice. She's had an amazing explosion with her career, which has been amazing to see. I remember when she first came on the show, she had like 3000 followers. Yeah.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So this summer I started to put myself out there. It took me a little while to unwind just the feelings of all of the past relationship. I didn't, you know, it was mentioned on the trailer, but I didn't hook up with anyone really until the summer. The last person I did hook up with was Lindsay. Just wasn't mentally there. And I needed some time to kind of get myself confident back.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Like I felt like I was telling, talking to my mom about coming on to this and I was explaining who he was and his, what I know of Nick and And, you know, she, I think recognized you or was familiar, but I just said, she's like, well, why would you want to go on that? If, you know, if maybe you have a bad feeling or I didn't have a bad feeling, but I was just saying like, I'm nervous maybe.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So I had some fun over the summer. I dated a little bit. But I realized, I am. I'm back looking, but I met someone at the end of the summer. We dated this fall a little bit. We've been seeing each other recently. But I think to answer, you put it in the words of my mouth, but I think I still need to get right back to like, I've got a lot going on.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And I'll tell you what, these next three months when the show's airing, dating is not easy. While you're watching yourself in the past summer flirting with other girls, and I'm very single. I'm not doing anything that crazy, but
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So, no. The moment I walked in the house, she had already been flirting with someone else.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I'm going to go Team Sierra, even though I like West. But Sierra and I do have a friendship. And I think as I learned about some of the nuance with that, I was disappointed in how West handled that. And you'll see even in the new season, there was other shit that happened after. Oh, so you can't tell me. Again, back to the media stuff.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Interviews, podcasts, that bubbled up again because there was something said. I'm not saying.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It's hard, man. I think as a younger guy, when you get in those positions, sometimes it takes... It took me a while to realize you fuck up. You actually have to say you're wrong. Everybody watched it. It's really hard. I think over time, he'll get to a place where you'll get more of a reflective West. I think he was completely caught off guard because...
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
he walked in that reunion and I was like, dude, you know what we're about to do today, right? He just was not, I don't get any idea. He was not on his day game, but he recovered. He had a good summer. I think, I think he's living his best life. Yeah. He seems to be doing okay. Yeah.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And she's like, this is a chance to go start a fresh chapter with someone. And you have a whole new audience that Nick talks to. And maybe there's a chance for you to like, just show that who you really are in the last year. And so I didn't want to build any resentment or anxiety from the past. I'm trying to work through all that stuff.
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E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
the main characters are just like decided not to like you know be traumatic sure you know it's time to maybe like retire move things on and i'm just like i would love to know because we love summer yeah you don't want it you don't want it to be like the i'm trying to think of an athlete's example you know like brett farr playing for the new york jets yeah it's just like dude you were a packer you had a great career that was awesome let's keep you in the packer bubble
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It is a totally different season than last, but I believe a better season of summer house than last season, because to your point, you have like this from the reunion. It continues like the next day after the reunion, there's shit that happened. West did an interview and that caused more stuff. So this new season picks up literally from the end of the reunion, from my understanding.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
um but this season you have new new romance with people that you you want to root for and i think it's i was rooting for it but also going i want to see how this is going to play out you have the young love that didn't work out west and sierra still like navigating are they friends are they not is west going to date is sierra going to date how are they going to handle that and then of course you have kyle amanda and just they're
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
dynamic, but there's a new guy who I, I like him as a friend and he brought, he just, he was himself and he single, he's a good looking dude. He flirted a lot.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Kyle already said this, but it wasn't me and it wasn't Kyle involved. Jesse and West. I can't say. But there was a threesome for the first time in Summer House history. Two dudes or two girls? You'll have to watch. Two dudes. It's two dudes. You'll have to watch. It's two dudes.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Yeah, there was some, we had some amazing house parties. But yeah, I mean, even for me too, like I'll just self shout out, you know, I'm launching a new business, Softbar, which is my cafe and bar that I'm opening in Brooklyn. But you'll see the beginnings of that, which,
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It's exciting for me, just another layer of my professional career, because I know in the last few years I've kind of been known as this jobless loser or this guy who can't figure it out. And we were talking earlier, like your ego is attached to kind of your occupation or how you're doing your career. So it's exciting for me because I feel like I'm really doing what I'm passionate about.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It feels like it's exactly where I'm supposed to be. And it looks, I'm really proud of what we did. We threw a big friends and family event that you'll see softbar on camera and you'll meet my team. I have a co-founder who's 10 years older than me, successful entrepreneur.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I've women employees, like I have a whole crew, like it's like a real, so there's more, I think meat on the bone than people are. It's not, it's not all about lover boy. It's like another thing.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
no i think you're it's great to hear you like you're you're you're like it sounds like you're really on a path of trying doing what you want and doing what makes you happy trying i think all that seems to be falling into place and i'm lucky that i i give a lot of i've been given a lot of chances and i've had a lot of support i've been very lucky so you know if i just turned 40 and i've got another kind of shot to like recreate what i want to do with my life and i'm not a lot of people get a chance to do that now yeah i'm not as far along as i'd hoped i'd be at this point but i don't think
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
know my guy friends that have two kids would trade for my spot and vice versa but you know there's goals i still have and i think just trying to set myself up to go get them but i would like to meet someone um but i think i'm realizing more than ever like i just stay focused on these on my career when i'm building and like that thing will i think your friends who want to trade spots with you when did they start having kids i'm curious
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
no it's i i'm i thought i'd be married at this point it's okay that i'm not but um you know i think just feel really lucky that i get a chance to like kind of restart and do the things i really wanted this is right around the how do you feel about turning 40 i was nervous at first and then someone asked me which i i think i made my instagram caption which is how old would you be if you didn't know how old you are and i was like i like that and i i'd say i'm like 25 years old
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I don't look 40, I don't think. You look great. So I'm happy with that, but I was born in 1985. I didn't have a cell phone until I was a senior in high school. Don't even talk to me.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So Softbar will be open in June. Okay. You'll see a little bit of it on the new season.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
um our location's in greenpoint brooklyn we've got a really cool industrial space but it's a bar and a cafe come as you are it's not a sober bar we just don't serve alcohol so byob you can well we're hopefully only now we're not allowing any alcohol but we serve amazing drinks that you can show up hammered you could show up hammer we'll serve you something that tastes great okay but no uh but no alcohol but yeah i i just also i'll leave you with this i just hit four years
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
no alcohol, no cocaine, no prescription drugs. The only thing I've used is THC, which I've been very open about, but that for me has really helped my anxiety and depression. So congratulations.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Thank you for very much for taking the time. Thank you guys for having me and congrats on all your successes. Thank you. You're a beautiful family. You guys have, uh, thank you for saying that your audience appreciate you guys keeping me in check. I'm glad that I had some anxiety about coming here because of Yeah, how did it feel? Is this better than you hoped for?
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It always is better than what you think it is. And stepping through the door is better than not.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I mean, you asked me some really, really good questions that I'm going to be thinking about for the next two weeks. People are going to love you after this. How I could have answered it differently.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Really appreciate it, guys. So we did get you a cake. Thank you.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
yeah so it was i'm glad that we finally have you here because it was it really was a storyline that seemed to have more than just one side it did and there's always two sides i think you know someone says it best there's you know there's two sides and then there's the truth you know i her her feelings are valid all of it her experience is valid and what she you know went through and i don't want to undermine that but yeah like i all i know at the end of the day i feel like the right decision was made that we should not move forward with the wedding now how it was
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
How'd you get to go to a, I got, I befriended Punky Johnson. Who's a former, she's not on this current season, but she was on last season and she invited me to her green room one night and it was awesome. It was cool. I feel like in New York, like reality TV stars get more respect. You think? I don't know. You live there. I mean, there are parts of, yeah, I think some people after a while you do,
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
how it all unfolded how everything went i mean you could always pick up put that apart but i struggle with some of it just because it was such a difficult summer um in that particular conversation like i didn't set her up with producers like they were already doing pickup filming after we had wrapped that last day and knew we weren't in a good place so we were going to have to talk on camera one way or another but how that conversation actually played out is literally how it played out like i didn't walk into that wanting to end it but
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Unfortunately, that's kind of how it all distilled out. But the falling out of it all from that day was what made it... I didn't process at all what was going to happen after you have that conversation. And within an hour of that, it was on the internet. We had broken up. I went down the street to a hotel to get some space. I stayed in that hotel that night.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And then the next morning, I had gotten a text from her friend saying, hey, if you want to stop back and get some things from the apartment, because I was going to go back and visit my mom in Pittsburgh. I went back to the apartment and there was... I met a producer there to get some stuff. And as I'm coming out of the apartment, there's paparazzi outside of the house. And I was like, holy shit.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And I was going to LaGuardia. And by the time I had gotten to LaGuardia, it was on front page of page six. Like Carl's like running off to the airport. And I'm like, holy shit. Like it got really crazy for a period of time. I think that's what made it just really unique. It felt, you know, like just, it was so public and so out there and not everybody had seen what I, what had gone on all summer.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Does that make sense? It does. It does. Trust me, I wrote statements. I had planned podcast interviews that I canceled. I thought a lot about doing what you're asking, like sharing my side of the story. But like I said, it felt to me as a male, like getting in a public platform and trying to defend myself. It just didn't feel right, even though I felt like I did what...
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I think you do is right, which is if it's not right to move forward the wedding, you don't. I didn't want to be that guy that stood up there and it wasn't right. But I'm telling you, when I went into that summer, the amount of money we invested in all of it, I missed our cancellation for the wedding to get a full refund by seven days. Wow.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
maybe get a little respect but early on there it's funny there was a group chat of a lot of our mutual friends when we first signed up for summer house and there was one of our guy friends who like roasted the original cast like who signed up for it like about you're like you're idiots why are you guys doing this but over time he's
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
I wasn't thinking about canceling anything other than trying to get on the same page with her.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Had I been about seven days sooner, I would have saved around $150,000. But that wasn't in my brain. I was just trying to land the plane with her.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
Honestly, if I was smart, I would have done it two months prior and saved myself a ton of money and pain and misery. But the thing with me and her, someone asked me even recently, do you miss her? I was with Luke, actually. We're still very tight. Luke goes, do you miss her at all? And I said, yeah, of course. She brought out the child in me at times. We were very silly.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
We had a lot of funny jokes. The history we've had over the years of filming Summer House. Off camera, what people don't realize, you spend two and a half hours on the drive from Manhattan to the Hamptons pretty much every Friday and then on Sunday. The first six or seven seasons, her and I pretty much rode out there and back for the most part. So we built a very strong bond.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
But I think as you get like into this world, like it's nice to like date someone or be with someone who gets it and knows what it's like and understands all these things. She also was like, I mean, Lindsay's like a lot of fun. I had a ton of fun with her over the time.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So I think how it kind of all transpired, like us getting together, it was almost like it was destined to be like we had spent so much time with each other. We had this kind of chemistry, you know, and I'd gotten sober, you know, had about eight, nine months under my belt. But that was like that pivotal time.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
where I probably should have been like, you know, I really need to stay like focused on me and not enter into a relationship. I was advised by many people in AA and other groups, stay sober a year, like don't enter a relationship. And I did break that rule with her. Now, the argument I made to myself was we're best friends. We've known each other forever. When you're in love. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
And I don't know, it's... I've learned a ton over the last couple of years as a result of this whole thing. And I don't have any regret. I'm glad I tried to pursue a relationship with her. I wish I could have handled things differently. I never wanted to hurt her. But I think you'll see after watching this new season of the show, it was kind of wild to see her.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
It made me, in a weird way, happy because I saw her happy outside of me. She had a really fun summer with the rest of the group. People actually said like, I wish she was pregnant more often, you know, like, cause she was just happier and just in a lighter mood. Um, and her demeanor was for the most part, really positive, which was nice.
The Viall Files
E879 Going Deeper with Carl Radke
So less activated, Lindsay, very less activated and even funnier. We both were, you know, she had her non-alcoholic drinks. I had mine now we didn't cross pollinate. She had her own, but