Kim Scott

And then you wake up at three in the morning thinking, why didn't I say anything? So it was a self-protective thing. He didn't want, because if you are a silent bystander, you wind up suffering what's called a moral injury. You didn't do anything wrong, but you didn't also intervene. And so you feel slimed by this other person's behavior.

So that's an example of using an I statement to be an upstander and using it pretty directly. However, there's plenty of times in a situation where you can't think of what to say or you feel like you might make things worse for the person who's on the receiving end of the bias if you intervene directly. So another thing you can do is you can delay your response.

So that's an example of using an I statement to be an upstander and using it pretty directly. However, there's plenty of times in a situation where you can't think of what to say or you feel like you might make things worse for the person who's on the receiving end of the bias if you intervene directly. So another thing you can do is you can delay your response.

So that's an example of using an I statement to be an upstander and using it pretty directly. However, there's plenty of times in a situation where you can't think of what to say or you feel like you might make things worse for the person who's on the receiving end of the bias if you intervene directly. So another thing you can do is you can delay your response.

You can just check in with the person who was on the receiving end. So if you didn't feel like it was right to challenge the manager in the meeting, you can check in with that Indian woman afterwards and just say, I'm really sorry this kept happening to you. I noticed. And that may not feel like much, but it can be really impactful to check in with a person. I'll give you an example.

You can just check in with the person who was on the receiving end. So if you didn't feel like it was right to challenge the manager in the meeting, you can check in with that Indian woman afterwards and just say, I'm really sorry this kept happening to you. I noticed. And that may not feel like much, but it can be really impactful to check in with a person. I'll give you an example.

You can just check in with the person who was on the receiving end. So if you didn't feel like it was right to challenge the manager in the meeting, you can check in with that Indian woman afterwards and just say, I'm really sorry this kept happening to you. I noticed. And that may not feel like much, but it can be really impactful to check in with a person. I'll give you an example.

I one time was giving a presentation to a big team, like 5,000 people. And the leader of this organization was introducing me and a colleague. And he introduced this colleague first. My colleague stuck his hand out. The guy shook it. Then he introduced me. I stuck my hand out for the leader to shake. And instead of shaking it, he grabbed it and he kissed it. left spit on the back of my hand.

I one time was giving a presentation to a big team, like 5,000 people. And the leader of this organization was introducing me and a colleague. And he introduced this colleague first. My colleague stuck his hand out. The guy shook it. Then he introduced me. I stuck my hand out for the leader to shake. And instead of shaking it, he grabbed it and he kissed it. left spit on the back of my hand.

I one time was giving a presentation to a big team, like 5,000 people. And the leader of this organization was introducing me and a colleague. And he introduced this colleague first. My colleague stuck his hand out. The guy shook it. Then he introduced me. I stuck my hand out for the leader to shake. And instead of shaking it, he grabbed it and he kissed it. left spit on the back of my hand.

And that was, I mean, that was not the end of the world, but it was a cringe moment. But what was even worse than his doing that was the fact that not a single one of those 5,000 people came up to me later and said, that was weird. Do you want some hand sanitizer or anything like that? And then I started to gaslight myself.

And that was, I mean, that was not the end of the world, but it was a cringe moment. But what was even worse than his doing that was the fact that not a single one of those 5,000 people came up to me later and said, that was weird. Do you want some hand sanitizer or anything like that? And then I started to gaslight myself.

And that was, I mean, that was not the end of the world, but it was a cringe moment. But what was even worse than his doing that was the fact that not a single one of those 5,000 people came up to me later and said, that was weird. Do you want some hand sanitizer or anything like that? And then I started to gaslight myself.

I was like, maybe I'm overreacting, which is easy to do in those situations. So it can be A big deal to talk to the person afterwards. You can also just create a distraction. Spill your coffee in the meeting. See if that helps, especially if you feel like it's not just bias, but maybe this person is bullying. Like you want to change the dynamics. You can delegate.

I was like, maybe I'm overreacting, which is easy to do in those situations. So it can be A big deal to talk to the person afterwards. You can also just create a distraction. Spill your coffee in the meeting. See if that helps, especially if you feel like it's not just bias, but maybe this person is bullying. Like you want to change the dynamics. You can delegate.

I was like, maybe I'm overreacting, which is easy to do in those situations. So it can be A big deal to talk to the person afterwards. You can also just create a distraction. Spill your coffee in the meeting. See if that helps, especially if you feel like it's not just bias, but maybe this person is bullying. Like you want to change the dynamics. You can delegate.

If you don't feel like you're the right person to intervene directly, catch someone else's eye, say, and they'll know what you're talking about when you catch their eye and see if they will intervene. And last but not least, you can document what happened. You can write it down. We all have these sort of movie cameras in our pockets.

If you don't feel like you're the right person to intervene directly, catch someone else's eye, say, and they'll know what you're talking about when you catch their eye and see if they will intervene. And last but not least, you can document what happened. You can write it down. We all have these sort of movie cameras in our pockets.

If you don't feel like you're the right person to intervene directly, catch someone else's eye, say, and they'll know what you're talking about when you catch their eye and see if they will intervene. And last but not least, you can document what happened. You can write it down. We all have these sort of movie cameras in our pockets.

But remember, if you document what happened, you don't own that documentation. The person harmed gets to decide what to do with it. So those are some thoughts on how to be an upstander.