Kieran Culkin
Appearances
Fresh Air
Jesse Eisenberg Hated Bar Mitzvahs As A Kid
I think she was, like, just speaking generally about, like, the immigrant experience. Because I lived in my mom's basement. She was just talking about immigrants. Okay. That's all. Yeah. I gots to pee. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll get that. Don't worry.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
So I want to play a clip from A Real Pain. And this is a scene that not only shows the kind of emotional turbulence that the Kieran Culkin character is going through—he plays your cousin, and he's the one who is very prone to severe depression— But he also gets kind of manic when he's around people.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
And I don't know if you would describe him as bipolar, but those are the two extremes of character that he goes through. So in this scene, everyone on this small tour is at a restaurant. And your character is talking about the grandmother and how she survived the Nazis through a thousand miracles.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
So before we hear the scene, I just want to say you're going to hear a couple of very loud burps during the scene. And that is the Kieran Culkin character who will be doing the burping. Here's the scene.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll get that. Don't worry. Pee-pee time. So that's an example of how really inappropriate Karen Culkin, who plays your cousin, can be. Tell us why you wanted to create that difference, because this is another really important dynamic in the film. You've both had a very similar upbringing. You lived close to each other when you were children. You were like brothers.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
You were born three weeks apart, or three months apart, I forget which. But now like you're living in separate cities in New York. You're in New York City. He's in Binghamton. And you've gone in different directions. He seems like totally rootless. And you have a good job. You're married. You have a child. You have a nice home. And he's lived in his mother's basement.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
We don't know if he's still there or where he is or if he has any home at all. So why did you want to create that wide range, that big dynamic of difference between the two cousins?
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
So your character in the film is dealing with OCD and he's medicated for it. So we don't see a lot of OCD, but we do see that you live a very structured life in the film and that Karen Culkin's character is a rule breaker. So I'd like to talk with you, if you're willing, about like your own inner issues. Sure, sure, sure. So is OCD a thing for you or is it something different?
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
Do you feel like something like OCD ever works in your favor? Like if you're producing a movie or directing a movie, there are so many details that you have to take care of and so much you have to pay attention to.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
And I was thinking that maybe, and I might be misdiagnosing the symptoms of OCD, that maybe that your brain would be wired in such a way that you would have almost a need to obsess on details. Yeah.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
When Kieran Culkin refuses to stand on his mark, does part of you go into a panic?
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
It has been such a pleasure to talk with you. Thank you so much.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
I'm so glad we did. Jesse Eisenberg wrote, directed, and stars in the film A Real Pain. It's streaming on several platforms. Our co-host Tanya Mosley has our next interview. Here's Tanya to introduce it.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
This is Fresh Air Weekend. Three years later, when he was 21, he was a star of the film The Squid and the Whale. He played Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network about the early days of Facebook. He played the journalist interviewing writer David Foster Wallace in The End of the Tour. He starred in the 2022 miniseries Fleischman is in Trouble.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
From WHYY in Philadelphia, I'm Terry Gross with Fresh Air Weekend. Today, Jesse Eisenberg talks about writing, directing, and starring in the film A Real Pain. Eisenberg and Kieran Culkin play cousins who go to Poland on a Jewish heritage tour. One of the stops is the Majdanek death camp. We'll talk about the questions the film raises, like...
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
We're listening to Tanya Mosley's interview with Pamela Anderson. She stars in the new movie The Last Showgirl, which is directed by Gia Coppola. We'll hear more of their conversation after a break. I'm Terry Gross, and this is Fresh Air Weekend.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
In A Real Pain, he plays a husband and father who goes on a Jewish heritage tour in Poland with his cousin, played by Kieran Culkin, who was like a brother when they were growing up. The trip is funded by their beloved, recently deceased grandmother, who left money in her will for the trip so that they could see the home she fled when the Nazis were in power.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
Each cousin is dealing with mental health issues, which are exacerbated by the trip. Eisenberg's character is introverted and takes meds for his OCD. He's constantly hurt and embarrassed by his cousin's inappropriate behavior.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
Culkin's character is dealing with depression, but when around other people, he becomes extroverted, manic in ways that can be seen as charismatic or incredibly annoying and intrusive. Both extremes are intensified by the disconnect Culkin's character experiences between the first-class train car the tour travels on and the cattle cars that brought Jews to their death.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
He's also troubled by the disconnect between the nice restaurants the tour takes them to while at the same time the death camp Majdanek is on the tour. Our critic John Powers wrote, quote, It's worth mentioning that the film also has comic touches. Jesse Eisenberg, welcome to Fresh Air and congratulations on the film.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
Oh, it's a pleasure to have you. So the movie is based in part in a movie you were making, a kind of road movie set in Mongolia. And it wasn't working for you. That's right. And then you saw an ad advertising like a Holocaust tour, a Jewish heritage tour, and it said lunch included. And you thought, okay, this is something. What intrigued you about that, especially the lunch included part?
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
That was Tanya speaking with Pamela Anderson, who stars in the new film, The Last Showgirl, which is now in theaters. Fresh Air Weekend is produced by Teresa Madden. Fresh Air's executive producer is Danny Miller. Our managing producer is Sam Brigger. Our technical director and engineer is Audrey Bentham. Our co-host is Tanya Mosley. I'm Terry Gross.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
Well, another question the movie raises is, like, what is real pain? Like, what is suffering? Like, if you're suffering from, you know, emotional or mental health issues, and I know you have issues of your own. The character has OCD. I don't know if that's an issue you have to contend with. But if you have your own internal suffering...
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
Let's face it, people take their lives because of that internal suffering. You don't even have to have somebody kill you. You end your own life because the suffering is so bad. But you haven't been in Auschwitz suffering there. Is your suffering any less important? Does that count as pain? Yeah.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
Also, we hear from Pamela Anderson in the new film The Last Showgirl. She stars as a veteran Vegas dancer who must face the end of her legendary show. Anderson became a pop culture phenomenon in the late 80s, in part because of her role on the series Baywatch. That's coming up on Fresh Air Weekend.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
Okay, so you are a writer and director and actor, and you were not only in Majdanek, the death camp in Poland, you were filming there, because you do have a scene there, and it's a very emotionally moving scene. So I'd like to hear what it was like for you to not only have lunch and dinner while visiting Majdanek, you were filming there. You were taking this kind of like...
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
holy place and setting up your lights and your cameras and your actors. How did you go about it in the most respectful way that you could think of while also making a movie?
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
And also you were shooting it as a museum. You weren't shooting it trying to pretend that it was still a death camp.
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
You became a Polish citizen, so what moved you to do that?
Fresh Air
Best Of: Jesse Eisenberg / Pamela Anderson
My guest is Jesse Eisenberg. He wrote, directed, and stars with Kieran Culkin in the film A Real Pain. We'll hear more of the interview after a break. I'm Terry Gross, and this is Fresh Air Weekend.
Fresh Air
Sarah Snook Almost Didn't Audition For 'Succession'
Which? What? Wait, what do you mean? Which? What, like you killed so many people you forgot which one? That's not an issue.
Fresh Air
Sarah Snook Almost Didn't Audition For 'Succession'
Yeah. Okay, just, um, just, like, go private. Be somewhere private. Just speak. It's weird, but speak, okay? Like, you never know. He might hear you.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
everything that I used to do out the window because I'd never done a TV show before. My thing was like be off book months before, learn everyone else's lines and be extremely prepared. And then because it's the nature of a TV show where you don't know the next episode and also our show, we were getting rewrites on the day, similar to what you just said.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I had to abandon that and just go fly by the seat of my pants. But it lent itself to that character because he was the kind of guy who could sort of talk his way in and out of any situation. So he didn't really have to think before he spoke. So it was sort of like, he was that guy.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
So I've been trying to mentally prepare for like, as it feels like going backwards, like, you know, doing a job with coverage. And so when we started doing A Real Pain, I sort of thought we were going to do that, which we did kind of on the first day or so. But the character in that movie is like, the most spontaneous sort of surprising person.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
It's the kind of thing where just when you think you sort of have him down, just to spite you, he's going to give you a different reaction than what you're expecting.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
No, it's in your side. Yeah, I'm gonna say it's in your kidney. And then I'm still a little bit on morphine. I still like have a- Oh, that's kind of fun. That is kind of fun.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Exactly, yeah. And he wrote it, he directed it. He shot the whole thing. Before I got there, he shot it on his phone, playing my character, and he would tell me things like, okay, so in this scene you sit over there, and I would go, how do you know? He's like, well, what do you mean, how do you know? I was like, well, we haven't tried it. He goes, well, why can't you sit there?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I said, maybe I could, but we haven't tried it. What do you mean? Why doesn't it work? I'm sure it works. And we talked about it in a freaking circle for a while.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
You forced him to... Well, because... Yeah, well, we had to shoot this sequence that he had mapped out, but the whole idea of it was like, we're going to... I want my picture taken in front of the statue, and then I start gathering the other people in this tour group to come with me. And he had... planned it all out.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And I was like, well, isn't sort of the point to just, for me to get them into the idea and we're all going to take a photo together? And he's like, yeah, so do you mind if we just try it once? And then he basically just told the cinematographer, like, nevermind, fuck the shot list, pick up the camera.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Maybe. I think it freaked him out a lot, though. I'm sure it freaked him out. I think it scared the shit out of him, but yeah.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Yeah, but we ended up getting our scenes a lot faster, actually. That's how I felt anyway. I was sort of like, well, you know, let's just run the whole thing a couple of times instead of picking up these little pieces. And then, you know, you get to shoot it how you want.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
What a fucking cast. I'm terrified. I thought I was... When do you open? March-ish? I don't know. They don't even have a theater, but they keep telling me...
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Are you about to ask, Sean, are you about to ask me about funny theater stories?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Yes. Funny things that happened. If you have any, please share them. I love it. But look, Kieran, you can't be you. Let him tell a theater story.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
No, I wasn't actually prompting myself for a funny bit. I just know that Sean likes to ask that. Or it's audition stories.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I got a really quick one, which is I did a play 10 years ago with Michael Cera. Nice. This is our youth. And I had food poisoning. It's already funny. And the moment the show started and the lights came up, I realized, oh, I'm fucked. So I spent like an hour just trying not to vomit. And by the end of the first act, I had this whole speech. And I realized, I can't open my mouth.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I'm going to vomit. And I have this whole speech where I have to get the money. There's an amount and what I'm spending it on. And I stood up next to the door to leave the apartment. I'm wobbling. And I have the speech. And there's like a five, six-second long pause that's not supposed to be there. And I hold my hand out. And I just went, money. Money. And he put the money in my hand.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I ran out and the stage manager, I guess, had put a bucket right next to the door. And I started violently, loudly vomiting in this bucket. They were trying to drag me away, but I couldn't. I was just holding onto this bucket for dear life vomiting. I asked Michael afterwards, I said, could you guys hear me? He goes, are you fucking kidding me?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
It was the most surreal shared experience I've ever had with a group of people of listening to a grown man vomit in a bucket.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
While everyone's here, they're just like... He said he grabbed a comic book and started trying to casually read a comic book as if this wasn't happening.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
No, the understudy came in in act two. Oh, wow, really? While I spent... Yeah, I was vomiting upstairs for the next few hours and they somehow dragged me home for hours more of vomiting.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
No, that one was in New York, but Wikipedia is correct. I did do that play in London like eight years before that. No, no, no. Will, you're the one who had time to actually do the research.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I can't let it go. Like I played it as the character Warren in London and I felt like I never got it right. So I spent like years trying to do it again and then realized I actually was right for the other part. I just had to spend years convincing Kenny Lonergan that I was wrong. Right for that part. And then I got to do it like in Chicago, Sydney. No way. I can't seem to let it go.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I don't know. I've always tried to crack that one. I don't think I, I don't know.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
uh experience you had working in tv film etc professional experience i had was a commercial when i was six and i actually don't quite know what it was for but it was like for something to do with learning disabilities and i remember that i was put the concept was i'm standing in front of a chalkboard with chalk in my hand and i don't know how to solve the easy thing in front of me and the and the kids in class are supposed to be calling me dummy and stupid all that and i have a distinct memory of being there and the director going okay he's like action and he starts going dummy
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
idiot stupid oh my god and like even then even then i'm thinking like you know i get it i'm six like stand here and look sad i'm not fucking method i'm six what's wrong with you right right right oh my god i think you just but why do i have i have this image of you i can't remember what i was watching where you were either you hosted or your brother hosted snl and oh good i thought you're gonna say i have this image of you on my hard drive okay keep going
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Well, that's Leah. That's who. But wait, why were you on? What was I watching where they did a zoom in on you and you were like on stage on SNL or something?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
It was 30 years almost to the day. It was like a couple of days shy of being 30 years from when my brother hosted. And I got to be in like three sketches. So I got to be there for the good nights and stuff like that.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
That really was, and it was one of those things I thought would never, ever happen, but there's very few things I... Like I said, I'm not very ambitious. I don't like have these big aspiring dreams, but like hosting SNL was like that one. That one and like voicing The Simpsons, which I still haven't done yet. Those are like the two things I've always wanted to do.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Do you want to know my favorite good nights stories? Because when you do the good nights at the end, all that's on the cue card is the musical guest and anybody else that showed up. And while you're five seconds TV, Lauren goes, okay, enjoy. And I go, what do I say? He goes, anything you want. and walks away.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And all I'm doing is looking at the cue cards and then, you know, but I said the normal good nights, but my favorite I've ever seen was Liam Neeson hosted like in the early 2000s. And the camera cuts to him and he just goes, modest mouse. And then it's just quiet, and then they just start playing the music. It's so good.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
He literally just read the cue card on his mouse. I love it. And started hugging.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Karen, you can't be you and not be super smart. Like, you seem hyper-intelligent because while you talk fast, like I usually do, not today on morphine, but you talk, but it seems like you're firing in all cylinders.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
They gave you the option and you were like, no, I want to... I still have a, what is it called? A drip point. Track marks. But you seem really like, you talk fast, which means you think fast, which means you can probably like to, when Will was talking to you or Jason was talking about directing, it seems like people who fire in all cylinders all the time can do stuff like that.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
So if you don't want to do that, what do you do to like... Occupy all that extra bandwidth. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
God, I don't, I don't know, drive my wife crazy. I don't even have, like, hobbies.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I don't, like, not even, I do, like, you know, wordle-cordle bullshit, like I know you guys do.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Isn't it weird that I, like, know stuff about you because I listen to your show too much?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And also not from a doctor. No, but it's like a cycle. I know what you mean, but it's a cycle because if something happens to me, then I fear that I don't want that thing to happen again.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I live in New York full-time, but also I'm amazed that people do things in a day. I just don't get it. So you wake up. Exactly.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
How many kids do you have? That's it. That's the whole, I just woke up and then suddenly like, I'm already getting ready for bed. How did that happen? What did I do? How many kids do you have? I have two, a three-year-old and a five-year-old.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
So that's my hobby, I guess, is that's any time I'm not, like this is really lovely and I really want to be here, but I feel like any time I'm doing something, I'm just trying to get home to be with the kids.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I mean, like my walking around, like it's a pair of shorts and a big t-shirt, but yeah, it's the same idea.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
God, I haven't read a book since I had a kid, so that would be five years ago. I mean, yeah, I forgot you're not a reader because words just keep coming at you, right, Jason? Yeah, TV. Yeah, this is too much.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
They really do. It's relentless. Almost no time for TV or movies unless I can put it in a schedule. I don't know.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I have like a little Zoom meeting right after you and then I have to go do some – I'm still doing press for the movie. So then like about an hour after that Zoom, I go do – I actually don't know what the thing is I'm going to. I stopped looking at the itinerary. They tell me to like get in the car at 11.30. I get in at like 12.15 and hope for the best.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I literally – this happened a couple weeks ago. I got in the back of a car about 45 minutes late and the guy said, Delta Airlines. And I went, I don't know. And he said, he goes, JFK? And I said, beats me, man. I really don't fucking know. You probably know. And then we literally, I wasn't even sure if I was going to the airport, except for that I had a bag that was already packed.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I got to the airport. I put my passport in the machine. And as I put it in, I realized, I don't know where I'm going today.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Yeah. And it was a good thing, too, because it was a long flight. I was going to Warsaw. I'm glad I brought my passport. Why were you going to Warsaw? The movie was shot.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Really nice parks. My wife's from London, and she always brags about how the parks in London are the best in the world. But the best parks she's ever seen were in Warsaw.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
At the beginning. They were there for the first like 11 to 12 days, and then once they left, I was, yeah, popping off.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
No, 25 full days. 25 full days, all right. And actually, yeah, I tried to actually back out of the movie once I saw that that was the schedule. Jesse didn't know about that. Wow.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Because I had recently, I don't know if you guys have these rules, like I just did, when I was doing Succession, I had to do eight days away, and I was like, that was tough but manageable, and then I had to do 11 and went... I can't do that. Eight is my, that's my new rule.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
There was a lot of places, you know, like there's usually like once per season watch the show that we ended up somewhere else. You know, Italy, Norway.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
You guys shot like in- Croatia, Tuscany. Yeah. Norway. We were all over the map.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
How good is that? But it wasn't that, no, it wasn't that like nice. I remember like at the end of season two, my wife was like heavily pregnant. It was August. She's back in New York and she was basically complaining about how hot it was and she was alone and all this stuff. And she's like, and you're on a yacht in Croatia. I'm like, I'm not on a yacht. I'm on a fucking set.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
It's not like I'm going swimming between takes and all that. It's like, that's the thing when we travel to all these places, unless you can specifically get some time off after, you're not really seeing the stuff.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
That was not planned at all. We were just like, they were setting up a camera outside, and he was like, oh, hi, Kieran.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I feel like other than what I mentioned earlier about learning lines fast and knowing that stuff, I feel like everything I did as a kid, I don't think I apply any of the acting stuff I used to do as a kid to what I do now.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
You should start smoking. Well, yeah, like me. You know what, though? I was lying there. I just had like bedhead and I have these scabs on my ankles and I have this IV in my arm. Not related. I looked at Scotty and I go, all this could be yours.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I think it's the... Yeah, because sometimes I see that and... Former kid actors, I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, where there's sort of like bad habits you can sort of pick up along the way that you have to be mindful to.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Yeah. Stop showing me what you're doing, you know. Stop, you know. Yeah. Stop trying to show me what the character's doing. Stop showing me what's happening in the scene. Like, you know, that's my job.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
God, I don't really... think all that often. So all I know is, like, I suddenly found myself at, like, 20, and I remember my manager, who I'm still with, I've been with her for 30 years, she, like, used the word career, and I kind of panicked, because I've been doing it since six, but it's like, a six-year-old shouldn't really pick their occupation for the rest of their life.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
That's not really, they're not really qualified to do that, you know? So I think I kind of panicked and was like, okay, well, I don't know if this is what I want to do. So I think I spent many years trying to figure out what I want to do. But at that point, you're 20.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I remember my grandma, like about 20 years ago, she was in North Dakota. She asked me like, she goes, you still acting? I said, yeah. And she goes, when was your last job? And I said, oh God, like a little over a year ago. And she goes, you should get into meat. People always need meat.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Forgive me. Is it just you and Macaulay that were actors or were there other people in your family?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
My brother, Rory. Actually, at some point, we were all sort of like given the opportunity to act and some of them just didn't take to it. Some did.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
But I don't really have that middle child thing because I was like the favorite.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Sean, you have a question for our guest? No, I was just saying, but then as far as the lineage of the Culkin family. Love it if Sean just threw up right now. And the kidney stone comes out my throat instead of my penis. Guys, I passed it. No, but parents and grandparents, or did this acting bug start with you, the kids of the Culkin?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I think my father and his siblings did it as kids. That's sort of my understanding. Actually, I only know that because a few years ago, we went through an old storage unit, and I found this pamphlet of, I guess, what his parents were trying to do. I don't know exactly what it was, but it was like, hey, we have a son that's an actor and we have this other son that's a magician.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Wow. Isn't it amazing the stuff you find out about your parents way later? I grew up without knowing anything about my mom or obviously my dad.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Wait, do you guys remember that car, the MG? The MG? Oh, yeah. Sure, yeah. My dad owned that. No kidding. He built a car built for one.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
This is so weird for me because it feels like you're just meeting me, but I feel like I'm hanging out with my old friends that are just fucking with each other.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
My wife used to tell me for months she was listening to this show before I listened to it. This happened on more than one occasion. She'd be like, oh, my friend said blah, blah, blah the other day. We were having this chat, and I said, which friend was it? And she'd think, oh, fuck. That was smartless. It happens all the time. Who is that?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Was that Will? No, I know. She actually, like a couple months ago, we were at this, because her favorite episode is the one you guys did with Matthew Rhys.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
She listened to it more than once. So we're at this party, and she goes, oh, Matthew's here. Let's go say hi. And she started dragging me over. And I was like, Matthew who? And then right before we got to him, she stopped me and started pushing me away. She goes, never mind. We haven't met him. We're not friends. Oh, my God, that's smartless.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And it's not short for anything. Actually, right when I met her, that was one of the first things I said. It's not. It's dumb. When I first met her, I shook her hand and I said, what's your name? She went, jazz. I said, J-A-Z-Z, like the music? She went, yeah. I said, well, that's fucking stupid. Ah! She just came out of me, and right away, I was like, I blew it.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
At a bar. But that was it. I mean, what I love about the story is it's fast. That was pretty much it. The only other thing was when I walked into a bar, I was with a friend. Is that your ride? I saw her. Do you have to go? This is New York City.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And I was with this dude. And I said, like, hey, we need to go stand near this girl, which I realize now sounds kind of creepy. Yeah. And so we stood. near her.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Fucking easy now, right? This was 13 years ago. She was sitting at a table with some dude and the moment he got up to leave to go to the bathroom, I just jumped in there and stole his seat.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And I literally, like all I did is I sat down and said, sorry, I just stole your friend's seat. And she went, that's okay. I said, was that your boyfriend? She said, no. I said, do you have a boyfriend? She went, no. I said, then I'm Kieran.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
What are you? That's funny. By the way, Jay, I switched the Nutcracker to the 21st if you want to go.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
It was, what the hell was the name of the place? It was on 7th and A. It was called Cabin Dumbler.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
It was one of those places where I kept getting turned away. Every time I tried to go there, they were like, it's a private party because I wasn't dressed cool or I wasn't famous. But they knew my wife. Like there was one time I went there and I was with a couple of like, I'm not meaning to name drop, I was there with a couple like famous-y people.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And I walked up first and they were like, sorry, private party. And I looked back at one of my friends, it was, I'll just tell you who it was. It was Scarlett Johansson. She's like, I got this. And she walked up, she goes, hi, there with me. And he looked at her and said, It's a private party. And then he looked up and went, Jazz? And she was like, yeah. I was like, oh, are they with you?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Okay, great. And Willie, please come if you want to. I'm going to be back in New York. Okay. And Jay, we're going anyway. So if you can go, great. If not, we'll do something else.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Jazzy Jazz. She's just one of those people, man. She makes friends everywhere.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I'm not against that. You're going to support it? Yeah, I mean, I had a really nice experience with it growing up. Yeah, me too. Yeah, it was nice.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I would probably encourage an education. I never got one, but... I don't know. Yeah, I would probably encourage that.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I've also heard of people, this is something I kind of wish, it hasn't come to bite me in the ass really, but I remember doing like a lot of press as a kid. And I feel like I would maybe try to protect them from doing that a bit. Because sometimes I'll get quoted on something stupid I said. I'm like, I was 13. That's not what I actually think. Like, I don't, you know.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
No, I think other things probably screwed me up. I don't know if that was it. What fucked you guys up?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I go to therapy every week. Oh, yeah, you do. Instead of dumping it all on Scotty, I just pay somebody to listen. Again, you pay somebody to dump it all on you. Damn it. You confused me. You beat me to it.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Click, and you just hang up. Kind of. What will you do after this, Karen, after you're done with this little? He's got to zoom, and then he's got to go do more press.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I got like a press thing, and I got the thing. I like doing this. Hey, this is kind of a new one. I think I need therapy because I like flower arrangements now.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I don't know. But we could get macaroni and glue and make stuff on a paper plate.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I'll never leave him alone with the kids. But yeah, he can come over. He's supervised.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
No, I'm asking you to- You need me to like give up one of my five tickets to you three?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I'm sure you have connections yourself, but fine. You three are my guests.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
It's taken a while. She used to think that like, she goes, I don't understand why like actors get awards and things. She's literally thought that like directors puppeteered The actor told them where to sit and the cadence on how to speak. So that's literally what her point of view was on it. She had never been on a set or anything around it, but she's come to understand it a bit now.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
It's so true. I was at the ER at Cedars and there's like, it was a seven hour wait. What?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I told him. I'm like, fuck off. I'll just take the thing. That's sweet. What's it called again?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Oh God, no, I don't do that either. See, that would fall under hobby probably, or at least exercise. And I don't do that.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Are you a subway guy? Subway, yeah, yeah. That's the best way to get my kids to school.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Because you're used to getting in the back seat and your driver just taking you places?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Yeah, you can look at the numbers. I think if you can count, you can sort of figure it out.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Well, yeah, what would you suggest? There's somebody at the exit of every station telling you where to go?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Do you remember that? Oh, God, that was one of the hardest times. It just reminded me of being hunched over at the waist. You know Richard, Richard Ehrlich?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And we walk out to our car as the night's over, and we're walking out to his driveway, and Will goes acting like he's completely bombed out of his mind. He goes... Hey, man, can I ask you something? I go, yeah. He goes, do you know where I can get some heroin? I'm just asking for a friend. I'm asking for heroin. I'm asking for a friend. I don't want it.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
No, because my, yeah. Well, I'm not, just my heart thing is the big thing, but it's all being taken care of.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I do, and it's the shitty stuff. Like my wife the other day reached in and grabbed some Cheetos that I was eating, was about to, and then she let go and said, what am I doing? Wait, what are you doing? Where did these come from? And I said, they were in the house. She goes, how? Stop putting this in our house.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Yeah. And then, you know, I do that thing where I shop hungry and then I'm buying the, I find that they have like that chicken in a biscuit, you know, those like box of crackers.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Let's all hang out and do the thing. Yeah. You guys never do repeat guests on your show either, right? Because...
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
That's when I learned from you, Jason, and I think about it every time. I'm about to shake a salad. You said, don't shake it. You remember that? You put, like, whenever you put the dressing in a salad, you went, don't shake it.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I think of it every time now, and I go, oh, wait, I'm not supposed to shake it. And I go, wait, why?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
What's wrong with you? Let it cascade. Why? No, you got to shake it to get it even.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Let it cascade. What a t-shirt. Let that dressing. See, merch. This is what you guys need. More clothes like that.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I am. That's why. I got to do a thing. Wait, do I do a thing now and then I slam it?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
There are things to replace it, but there's nothing to replace our guest. Oh, great show. You don't even know who our fucking guest is, but you're actually right, though. Let Morphine Molly go.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
This is a great goodbye. I don't know how to do it. What do I do? What do I do with the thing? I don't know.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And then I hit stop. Hit stop and then hit save. You guys got to use this as part of the goodbye. Okay. I press stop and then no. I just press stop. I don't see anything that says save. We're fucked.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Save. So embarrassed. Save these. So embarrassed. Oh my God. This is such a great goodbye. It's all in the show. Yeah, use it. I'm done? Do I fucking slam it now?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Well, I'm about to watch Home Alone again because we watch it every year and he's got a little part in Home Alone. Yeah, I love that.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Sally Struthers was not a bad guess. That was very close. That was not. Shirley MacLaine was pretty close, too. Yeah. Oh, Karen, I'm so happy to see you there. It's crazy. This is really exciting for me. This is one of my favorite shows.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And look, I canceled for bullshit like a month ago, and Sean, you didn't even cancel. You were in the emergency room? Yeah.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
No, no, because I remember he was supposed to be on. I didn't know who it was, but you must have been the guest that we had an issue. Yes, yes.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
No, to me, that's my biggest nightmare. But I thought, like you said, I thought the pain came from the pee-pee, not the... No, it starts in your back and the kidney.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
That's why it's a kidney stone. And then it works way through to the bladder. And now it's out, so it's sitting in my bladder. So I have another painful thing coming when I pee it out.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Because you're going to pee it out. Yeah, because when you pee it out, that's when it hurts. But it only hurts for five, you know, two seconds. They break it down, right? Don't they like break, right? If it's big, this one wasn't big.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Buy a new mattress, pee out of kidney stone, yeah. Yeah, it's going to be a huge opening weekend.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Your body breaks it down. I mean, no, your body doesn't break down. It just passes through. What is that? The thing, the tube that goes from your kidney to your bladder. Urethra. Penis. No, that's your penis hole. P-tube. Oh, God. Something like that. Anyway, and it hangs out in the bladder. Anyway, Kieran, how are you?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I love this. This is exactly what I thought I'd be talking about, a bunch of bullshit. I got my wife, or rather Santa Claus got my wife a hoodie last year that said, explain it to me like I'm Tracy.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Can I just dive right in? Yeah, do you mind? Oh, you have some prepared material? Go ahead. I don't have prepared material. Guys, I was in the fucking ER again last night. Here's why. Here's why. I had a kidney stone. I thought I was having appendicitis or something. So I had a kidney stone. So I haven't been to bed yet.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Are you serious? You guys should sue because I didn't buy it through you. That's merch money that you guys are getting.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Is that an Etsy thing? I think it was or like Redbubble or one of those fucking things, you know?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
As am I. Wait, Tracy's... That's Tracy. You haven't seen anything of mine, right? Haven't you guys not watched Succession?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Oh, God, no, I don't hit beats, yeah, or marks or any of that stuff. You're rad.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
About like 10 years ago, my wife sort of made fun of me. I was doing a play and I was like, I need to go to work. And she went, work? What you do is literally called play.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Maybe I'll go out there and just have fun with it and just stick around. This is not extra serious. This is just us, you know. I don't know. I'd like to go out there and play.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
There's a lot of stuff that I think because I started doing it at six, like that's helped me now is like I learn lines incredibly fast. I know I've listened to the show a lot, Jason. I know you're the same way.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
You should meet him. He's just, he's anxiety personified. And nothing caused him more panic than me walking to set and going, what are we shooting today? And he's like, what? no, I wrote, there's like a whole page long speech. What's wrong with you? I was like, I learned the lines fast. Don't worry about it.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And I don't like to rehearse and I just sort of like look it over really quickly and go, oh, those are the words. I'll just, you know, I'll probably rely on instinct. Yeah, just go.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Yeah, it's starting to wear off. But wait, but Kieran, what about on Succession, those big scenes where there's lots of people, there's so much dialogue and like, I mean, you almost have to memorize everybody else's lines too, right?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
Yeah, sort of. And I can do that fast. There was, you know, I've done things like that, like Sarah Snook and I had a really good rapport. So sometimes I would say, hey, can you just take my lines or, you know, vice versa. We even did a scene once for like, by like the third take, I just jumped in and stole her line. and gave her a little side eye.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I hear that's the most painful thing in the world. You can't even know. I haven't had one in years and years.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
And then she looked at me like, all right, game on. And then later on, she took mine, you know?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
But we ran it like, we sort of did it like a play. There wasn't really a lot of rehearsing. We would go in there. We would always run the full scene like three, four, maybe five times. Cameras were always vaguely somewhere. There was no such thing as like coverage. pick up shots, key marks.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
I remember the camera assistant, he showed up, he was like a new guy, and we were kind of rehearsing, he put a mark down, and I stopped the rehearsal and looked at him and said, first day?
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
That's why that show was so frickin' alive. I'm on my third viewing of that show. That show was great.
SmartLess
"Kieran Culkin"
It's so alive that that's why, like, because you guys were connecting, and, like, you guys were very alive, and that's what people respond to, I think, when they're watching.
The Ben Shapiro Show
Ep. 2149 - Trump-Zelenskyy Meeting GOES TOTALLY NUCLEAR
I thought this was a building block towards getting to a peace deal.
The Ben Shapiro Show
Ep. 2149 - Trump-Zelenskyy Meeting GOES TOTALLY NUCLEAR
About a year ago, I was on a stage like this and I very stupidly publicly said that I want a third kid from her because she said if I won the award, she would give me the kid. Turns out she said that because she didn't think I was gonna win. And people came up to her and were like, you know, really annoying her. I think it got to her, but anyway.
The Ben Shapiro Show
Ep. 2149 - Trump-Zelenskyy Meeting GOES TOTALLY NUCLEAR
after the show, we're walking through a parking lot. She's holding the Emmy. We're trying to find our car. Emily, you were there, so you're a witness. And she goes, oh God, I did say that. I guess I owe you a third kid. And I turned to her and I said, really, I want four. And she turned to me, I swear to God this happened. It was just over a year ago.
The Ben Shapiro Show
Ep. 2149 - Trump-Zelenskyy Meeting GOES TOTALLY NUCLEAR
She said, I will give you four when you win an Oscar. I held my hand out, she shook it, and I have not brought it up once until just now. You remember that, honey? You do? Okay. Then I just have this to say to you, Jazz. Love of my life, ye of little faith. No pressure. I love you. I'm really sorry I did this again. And let's get cracking on those kids. What do you say?
The Matt Walsh Show
Ep. 1548 - Democrats Ignore The Will Of The People With This Insane Move
What do you say to those types of critiques, her critique and those on my back?
The Matt Walsh Show
Ep. 1548 - Democrats Ignore The Will Of The People With This Insane Move
I have to thank my wife, Jess, for absolutely everything, for giving me my favorite people in the world. Please don't play the music, because I want to tell a really quick story about Jess. About a year ago, I was on a stage like this, and I very stupidly publicly said that I want a third kid from her, because she said if I won the award, she would give me the kid.
The Matt Walsh Show
Ep. 1548 - Democrats Ignore The Will Of The People With This Insane Move
It turns out she said that because she didn't think I was going to win. And people came up to her and were really annoying her. I think it got to her. After the show, we're walking through a parking lot. She's holding the Emmy. We're trying to find her car. Emily, you were there, so you're a witness. And she goes, oh, God, I did say that. I guess I owe you a third kid.
The Matt Walsh Show
Ep. 1548 - Democrats Ignore The Will Of The People With This Insane Move
And I turned to her and I said, really, I want four. And she turned to me. I swear to God, this happened. It was just over a year ago. She said, I will give you four when you win an Oscar. I held my hand out, she shook it, and I have not brought it up once until just now. You remember that, honey? You do? Okay. Then I just have this to say to you, Jazz. Love of my life, ye of little faith.
The Matt Walsh Show
Ep. 1548 - Democrats Ignore The Will Of The People With This Insane Move
No pressure. I love you. I'm really sorry I did this again. And let's get cracking on those kids. What do you say?