Jonathan Pokluda

I didn't realize that it was involved in a flood. I didn't realize that it had seven owners. I didn't know all of these things that happened to this car, right? And so what I would say is when I was, I was, you know, in my day, they call it like a player. I was like such a player. Before I knew Jesus, I found so much identity in what the opposite sex thought of me.

I didn't realize that it was involved in a flood. I didn't realize that it had seven owners. I didn't know all of these things that happened to this car, right? And so what I would say is when I was, I was, you know, in my day, they call it like a player. I was like such a player. Before I knew Jesus, I found so much identity in what the opposite sex thought of me.

And I memorized, this was my, it's so, it's embarrassing, but it was my game back in the day. It was like, I'd say, I was like, but softwood light through yonder window breaks. It is the East and Juliet is the sun. I could quote Shakespeare. That was the game I'd run, man. And you know how I knew that? Because I was in a play once upon a time where I learned it. And so I'm acting.

And I memorized, this was my, it's so, it's embarrassing, but it was my game back in the day. It was like, I'd say, I was like, but softwood light through yonder window breaks. It is the East and Juliet is the sun. I could quote Shakespeare. That was the game I'd run, man. And you know how I knew that? Because I was in a play once upon a time where I learned it. And so I'm acting.

And a guy who really likes you can act. And a girl who really likes you can act. But what they cannot do is fake their reputation. So if you check the history report, if you're talking to exes, like if you really want to know if someone's good, if they're like, hey, you should talk to my ex-boyfriend. Like, let him tell you about me. You should talk to my ex-girlfriend. Let her tell you.

And a guy who really likes you can act. And a girl who really likes you can act. But what they cannot do is fake their reputation. So if you check the history report, if you're talking to exes, like if you really want to know if someone's good, if they're like, hey, you should talk to my ex-boyfriend. Like, let him tell you about me. You should talk to my ex-girlfriend. Let her tell you.

Like, if you find that person, then they're like, okay, they're dating in such a way that they're leaving people better than they found them. That's a God-honoring character trait. And so here, now I want to be careful because if Monica checked my history report, she's going to see a lot of carnage and a lot of baggage, a lot of brokenness. Like, my history was full of brokenness.

Like, if you find that person, then they're like, okay, they're dating in such a way that they're leaving people better than they found them. That's a God-honoring character trait. And so here, now I want to be careful because if Monica checked my history report, she's going to see a lot of carnage and a lot of baggage, a lot of brokenness. Like, my history was full of brokenness.

And so you wanna make sure that their repentance is more notorious than their rebellion. That everyone's like, oh man, she's changed. Yeah, she used to be a prostitute. But man, she's been following Jesus for a good two and a half years. She's discipling girls. She's sitting with them. And I use prostitute because it's a biblical word.

And so you wanna make sure that their repentance is more notorious than their rebellion. That everyone's like, oh man, she's changed. Yeah, she used to be a prostitute. But man, she's been following Jesus for a good two and a half years. She's discipling girls. She's sitting with them. And I use prostitute because it's a biblical word.

He used to be a pimp or he used to be a drug dealer or he used to be a terrible human being, a pornographer, a porn star, right? He used to be a porn star. But he's been following Jesus for two and a half years. He's being discipled. He's discipling guys. And so it's like I've bought vehicles to use that metaphor before. I bought vehicles with a salvage title.

He used to be a pimp or he used to be a drug dealer or he used to be a terrible human being, a pornographer, a porn star, right? He used to be a porn star. But he's been following Jesus for two and a half years. He's being discipled. He's discipling guys. And so it's like I've bought vehicles to use that metaphor before. I bought vehicles with a salvage title.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I bought vehicles that were involved in big accidents or terrible wrecks or flooding or whatever it is. But I only buy them after they've been on the road for a length of time and been running well. And so when their repentance is as notorious as their rebellion, then I think, you know, they're dateable.

I bought vehicles that were involved in big accidents or terrible wrecks or flooding or whatever it is. But I only buy them after they've been on the road for a length of time and been running well. And so when their repentance is as notorious as their rebellion, then I think, you know, they're dateable.

yeah so second corinthians 6 14 is where that comes from says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers and so sometimes people are like do we have to be the same level of spiritual maturity um do we have to both be calvinist or do we have to both be reformed or we have to both be arminian or do we have to both be baptist or methodist or catholic what what is that is that what that means and in the context of the scripture is really that a believer would um

yeah so second corinthians 6 14 is where that comes from says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers and so sometimes people are like do we have to be the same level of spiritual maturity um do we have to both be calvinist or do we have to both be reformed or we have to both be arminian or do we have to both be baptist or methodist or catholic what what is that is that what that means and in the context of the scripture is really that a believer would um

Yeah, I think a bigger problem is that people are sitting in their brokenness, meaning I'm not healed from pornography. I'm continuing like a dog just vomit to give in to pornography. And I would say, man, you got to get well, you got to find freedom. Now, if you're in this place where you're just struggling to forgive yourself, I would say stop because God has forgiven you.

Yeah, I think a bigger problem is that people are sitting in their brokenness, meaning I'm not healed from pornography. I'm continuing like a dog just vomit to give in to pornography. And I would say, man, you got to get well, you got to find freedom. Now, if you're in this place where you're just struggling to forgive yourself, I would say stop because God has forgiven you.

He says in 2 Corinthians 5, 19, he's no longer counting your sins against you. In Romans 8, 1, it says, therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ. And Malachi says that he delights to show you mercy. Like what God does for fun is he shows people mercy. It's what God does for fun. It's like what he enjoys doing. And so it seems that God loves, loves, loves people.

He says in 2 Corinthians 5, 19, he's no longer counting your sins against you. In Romans 8, 1, it says, therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ. And Malachi says that he delights to show you mercy. Like what God does for fun is he shows people mercy. It's what God does for fun. It's like what he enjoys doing. And so it seems that God loves, loves, loves people.

to write a story of redemption on people who've made really bad decisions. Genesis 50, 20, what the enemy's meant for evil, God uses for our good. Romans 8, 28, we know that in all things, God is working together for the good of those who love him, who've been called according to his purpose. And so God flips the script. He takes the bad and he uses it for good when we bring it to him.

to write a story of redemption on people who've made really bad decisions. Genesis 50, 20, what the enemy's meant for evil, God uses for our good. Romans 8, 28, we know that in all things, God is working together for the good of those who love him, who've been called according to his purpose. And so God flips the script. He takes the bad and he uses it for good when we bring it to him.

We're like, hey, we need help. Can you take this? He'll use your story. He'll take your mess and make it your message and even your ministry if you'll let him. So don't sit in shame because that's Satan. Satan will use shame. You know, we talked about this, but I've been studying spiritual warfare for the past three years.

We're like, hey, we need help. Can you take this? He'll use your story. He'll take your mess and make it your message and even your ministry if you'll let him. So don't sit in shame because that's Satan. Satan will use shame. You know, we talked about this, but I've been studying spiritual warfare for the past three years.

And one of the biggest tools that the enemy uses is shame to keep us in that. And so, man, I would say to guys, if you desire marriage, listen, guys, like lean in on this. If you're a man right now listening, you're of age to be married and you desire marriage, then I would say ask out the godliest woman you know. and shoot your shot and give it a chance.

And one of the biggest tools that the enemy uses is shame to keep us in that. And so, man, I would say to guys, if you desire marriage, listen, guys, like lean in on this. If you're a man right now listening, you're of age to be married and you desire marriage, then I would say ask out the godliest woman you know. and shoot your shot and give it a chance.

And ladies, if a God-fearing man asks you out, give him a chance. Because I can't tell you how many marriages I've done, how many weddings I've done where the wife is telling me I was not at all attracted to him at first. but I got to know him and now he's the greatest thing. And I hear that all the time. So if a God-fearing man asks you out, give him a chance.

And ladies, if a God-fearing man asks you out, give him a chance. Because I can't tell you how many marriages I've done, how many weddings I've done where the wife is telling me I was not at all attracted to him at first. but I got to know him and now he's the greatest thing. And I hear that all the time. So if a God-fearing man asks you out, give him a chance.

And men, ask out the godliest woman that you know, even if she's not your epitome of attraction, she's not what you thought. Give heart a chance. Because 1 Samuel 16 says, God says, hey, I do not look at the outward appearance. I look at the heart. Ladies ask me, I do a Friday Q&A every Friday. I answer questions on this. And ladies are like, hey, this super God-fearing man asked me out.

And men, ask out the godliest woman that you know, even if she's not your epitome of attraction, she's not what you thought. Give heart a chance. Because 1 Samuel 16 says, God says, hey, I do not look at the outward appearance. I look at the heart. Ladies ask me, I do a Friday Q&A every Friday. I answer questions on this. And ladies are like, hey, this super God-fearing man asked me out.

He's so great. He's an incredible leader. Everybody loves him and respects him, but I don't find him attractive. And I'm like, you don't find godliness attractive? You don't find leadership capabilities attractive? What do you find attractive?

He's so great. He's an incredible leader. Everybody loves him and respects him, but I don't find him attractive. And I'm like, you don't find godliness attractive? You don't find leadership capabilities attractive? What do you find attractive?

And if it is only, well, six pack abs, six figure salary, pre-med, if it's only these things that Hollywood told you to find attractive, I would just make sure that it's the scripture that's informing what we find attractive and not Hollywood, which has the highest divorce rate on planet earth. Okay.

And if it is only, well, six pack abs, six figure salary, pre-med, if it's only these things that Hollywood told you to find attractive, I would just make sure that it's the scripture that's informing what we find attractive and not Hollywood, which has the highest divorce rate on planet earth. Okay.

Like, isn't it ironic that the people who are the worst at marriage get to inform what we should look for in marriage? Whoa. Isn't that ironic? That's crazy. It's like, we got to hit reset on this thing, man. We got to go back to the basics and people are going to argue with this episode because I've been having these arguments for over a decade now.

Like, isn't it ironic that the people who are the worst at marriage get to inform what we should look for in marriage? Whoa. Isn't that ironic? That's crazy. It's like, we got to hit reset on this thing, man. We got to go back to the basics and people are going to argue with this episode because I've been having these arguments for over a decade now.

And so you're going to argue with me in your head, but just, just consider what I'm saying prayerfully. Like you're looking for someone. Dating is the job interview. So what's the position? as a wife or a husband, a mother or a father to your children, consider what the position is and then consider what you're looking for.

And so you're going to argue with me in your head, but just, just consider what I'm saying prayerfully. Like you're looking for someone. Dating is the job interview. So what's the position? as a wife or a husband, a mother or a father to your children, consider what the position is and then consider what you're looking for.

Because I see people all the time marry someone who's super hot by the world's standards, but they make a miserable spouse and they get stuck in a miserable marriage. Then they become roommates. They married for what they thought was gonna be incredible sex. Nobody's having sex. They're not even sleeping in the same room. They are roommates or less than.

Because I see people all the time marry someone who's super hot by the world's standards, but they make a miserable spouse and they get stuck in a miserable marriage. Then they become roommates. They married for what they thought was gonna be incredible sex. Nobody's having sex. They're not even sleeping in the same room. They are roommates or less than.

Most of the people can choose whoever they want on planet Earth, and most people choose incorrectly. And people argue with me, and I'm like, hey, what's the divorce rate? We can go really conservative and say 40%.

Most of the people can choose whoever they want on planet Earth, and most people choose incorrectly. And people argue with me, and I'm like, hey, what's the divorce rate? We can go really conservative and say 40%.

marry a believer the context or even do business with the believer i can tell you uh one time pre-ministry i had went in uh into business with somebody who was not a christian they were a good person they were a moral person but they were not a christian and it was going well until it wasn't and all of a sudden he stopped answering my phone calls and ran off with a bunch of money and i never heard from him again and i i thought about that scripture and then bryce i would just say

marry a believer the context or even do business with the believer i can tell you uh one time pre-ministry i had went in uh into business with somebody who was not a christian they were a good person they were a moral person but they were not a christian and it was going well until it wasn't and all of a sudden he stopped answering my phone calls and ran off with a bunch of money and i never heard from him again and i i thought about that scripture and then bryce i would just say

okay now if 40 of people are getting divorced so they're undoing their marriage there's this other large percentage of people who are staying married but they don't they don't they're not intimate they're they're just roommates so most people choose poorly and i would say be somebody who choose chooses correctly

okay now if 40 of people are getting divorced so they're undoing their marriage there's this other large percentage of people who are staying married but they don't they don't they're not intimate they're they're just roommates so most people choose poorly and i would say be somebody who choose chooses correctly

yeah i mean in two words that i i people will say are outdated that's why we call that's why i called the book outdated because i was like there's so much confusion around this is i think of um biblical masculinity is god in the garden of eden saying hey i want you to bring order to this um you know there's chaos here i want you to begin to name the animals and i want you to care for them i want you to be fruitful and multiply

yeah i mean in two words that i i people will say are outdated that's why we call that's why i called the book outdated because i was like there's so much confusion around this is i think of um biblical masculinity is god in the garden of eden saying hey i want you to bring order to this um you know there's chaos here i want you to begin to name the animals and i want you to care for them i want you to be fruitful and multiply

fill the earth and subdue it cultivate the land make beautiful things and so this is a a picture of biblical masculinity right there out of the gate um two words that i don't think are outdated just kind of protector and provider now that we can over index on these like you know can the wife be the breadwinner sure i mean like is that possible sure you're gonna have

fill the earth and subdue it cultivate the land make beautiful things and so this is a a picture of biblical masculinity right there out of the gate um two words that i don't think are outdated just kind of protector and provider now that we can over index on these like you know can the wife be the breadwinner sure i mean like is that possible sure you're gonna have

if you marry Taylor Swift, you're going to have a really hard time outdoing her income. I imagine. Right. Yeah. And, uh, but, and, and, you know, as the protector, is there exceptions to that? If you marry, I don't know, Rhonda Rousey, like she, she may play the protector. I don't know, but yeah, she'd kill me with a name maker. Yeah.

if you marry Taylor Swift, you're going to have a really hard time outdoing her income. I imagine. Right. Yeah. And, uh, but, and, and, you know, as the protector, is there exceptions to that? If you marry, I don't know, Rhonda Rousey, like she, she may play the protector. I don't know, but yeah, she'd kill me with a name maker. Yeah.

But I'm just saying for most relationships, like if somebody kicks in the door at, at 3.00 AM, you know, and I'm like, Hey Monica, go see who that is. Like, people are gonna say, you're a terrible human being. Like, you need to get your butt out of bed and go and see who that is with a baseball bat, right? And so I think that's something to think through.

But I'm just saying for most relationships, like if somebody kicks in the door at, at 3.00 AM, you know, and I'm like, Hey Monica, go see who that is. Like, people are gonna say, you're a terrible human being. Like, you need to get your butt out of bed and go and see who that is with a baseball bat, right? And so I think that's something to think through.

But the list, I like the hand, you know, the thing that I said. But I'll give you a verse. I really like this verse. And it's not a dating verse. I'll tell you why it's not a dating verse. That's important. Let's not end the conversation without talking why there's not a dating verse in the scripture. That's important. But a great verse is 1 Timothy 4.12.

But the list, I like the hand, you know, the thing that I said. But I'll give you a verse. I really like this verse. And it's not a dating verse. I'll tell you why it's not a dating verse. That's important. Let's not end the conversation without talking why there's not a dating verse in the scripture. That's important. But a great verse is 1 Timothy 4.12.

And it says, do not let anyone look down on you because you're young. That's why I love being here. It's like you're 21. And my daughters, my kids look up to you. Their friends look up to you. And I want them to have a role model of someone who wants to give their life to telling other people about Jesus. Don't let anyone look down on you because because you're young. And then he tells us how.

And it says, do not let anyone look down on you because you're young. That's why I love being here. It's like you're 21. And my daughters, my kids look up to you. Their friends look up to you. And I want them to have a role model of someone who wants to give their life to telling other people about Jesus. Don't let anyone look down on you because because you're young. And then he tells us how.

But set an example for believers. OK, in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity. And he gives us five things to examine. What comes out of their mouth? What what do they say? Because Jesus tells us that what comes out of someone's mouth tells you what's in their heart. And so while you can't see someone's heart, the Bible says you can't see their heart by what comes out of their mouth.

But set an example for believers. OK, in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity. And he gives us five things to examine. What comes out of their mouth? What what do they say? Because Jesus tells us that what comes out of someone's mouth tells you what's in their heart. And so while you can't see someone's heart, the Bible says you can't see their heart by what comes out of their mouth.

So examine their speech, conduct, not what they do to you because they're interviewing for the job of your spouse and dating, but what do they do for someone who can do nothing for them in return? What do they do for the server? Like I've seen this about you, Bryce. We've had a few meals together. Like you are so attentive to the person serving us food. You're such a generous tipper.

So examine their speech, conduct, not what they do to you because they're interviewing for the job of your spouse and dating, but what do they do for someone who can do nothing for them in return? What do they do for the server? Like I've seen this about you, Bryce. We've had a few meals together. Like you are so attentive to the person serving us food. You're such a generous tipper.

You want to lead that person better than you found them. You want to positively impact them for the kingdom of God. That's the kind of person you want to marry. Someone who conducts themselves around strangers in a holy and honorable way. Speech, conduct, love. What do they love? How do they love? Faith. That's the 2 Corinthians 6.14 that we talked about. And then purity.

You want to lead that person better than you found them. You want to positively impact them for the kingdom of God. That's the kind of person you want to marry. Someone who conducts themselves around strangers in a holy and honorable way. Speech, conduct, love. What do they love? How do they love? Faith. That's the 2 Corinthians 6.14 that we talked about. And then purity.

Are they radically committed to purity? If they say they love you, but their hand is going anywhere other than a ring box, Like, do they really love you? Or do they just want to use you? Do they just want something from you? And I think this is, we're hurting each other in the way that we date. So I really like that verse. Examine their speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity.

Are they radically committed to purity? If they say they love you, but their hand is going anywhere other than a ring box, Like, do they really love you? Or do they just want to use you? Do they just want something from you? And I think this is, we're hurting each other in the way that we date. So I really like that verse. Examine their speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity.

Set an example for believers.

Set an example for believers.

Some of the most difficult situations I'm in pastorally, so I'm a pastor, so much of what I do is pastoral care, or you would say biblical counseling. And some of the most difficult situations I'm in are someone in a marriage

Some of the most difficult situations I'm in pastorally, so I'm a pastor, so much of what I do is pastoral care, or you would say biblical counseling. And some of the most difficult situations I'm in are someone in a marriage

Yeah, let me go slow in this turn on this one, because I don't want to be misunderstood, and there's a lot of confusion out there on this topic. And so I wrote a book, Your Story Has a Villain, and that's kind of the reason behind studying spiritual warfare for three years.

Yeah, let me go slow in this turn on this one, because I don't want to be misunderstood, and there's a lot of confusion out there on this topic. And so I wrote a book, Your Story Has a Villain, and that's kind of the reason behind studying spiritual warfare for three years.

And I really think there are some strongholds in our days, demonic activity, where there's so much confusion around what it means to be a man. I think men feel beat up. I think we haven't had great examples. A lot of us haven't had great examples of fathers. Some of us had absent dads. Some of us had bad dads. And so we're looking for those role models to follow. We've coped with pornography.

And I really think there are some strongholds in our days, demonic activity, where there's so much confusion around what it means to be a man. I think men feel beat up. I think we haven't had great examples. A lot of us haven't had great examples of fathers. Some of us had absent dads. Some of us had bad dads. And so we're looking for those role models to follow. We've coped with pornography.

Pornography, it's not just a bad idea because it rewires your brain. It's not just a bad idea because it causes you to objectify women. It's not just a bad idea because addiction to pornography is not an addiction to sex. It's an addiction to variety. So to the porn addict, monogamy is very, very difficult. In fact, it's a systematic training, a university for adultery.

Pornography, it's not just a bad idea because it rewires your brain. It's not just a bad idea because it causes you to objectify women. It's not just a bad idea because addiction to pornography is not an addiction to sex. It's an addiction to variety. So to the porn addict, monogamy is very, very difficult. In fact, it's a systematic training, a university for adultery.

It's very difficult for the porn addict to go into marriage and only love one person. By the way, I'm speaking from experience as a porn addict for over a decade. And then I got married and I was like, oh, no, what did I do? And I had to go through recovery. I had to get well. And so I think for all of these reasons, it's just kind of stripped us of drive.

It's very difficult for the porn addict to go into marriage and only love one person. By the way, I'm speaking from experience as a porn addict for over a decade. And then I got married and I was like, oh, no, what did I do? And I had to go through recovery. I had to get well. And so I think for all of these reasons, it's just kind of stripped us of drive.

It's stripped us of ambition, any kind of kingdom, godly, holy ambition. And so we're really just left with, hey, how do we just...

It's stripped us of ambition, any kind of kingdom, godly, holy ambition. And so we're really just left with, hey, how do we just...

get through life like how do we drift through life and i think that's that the enemy is has done that then i also think there's a movement right now that um that it's it's just riddled with confusion it's like hey um it's kind of a modern feminism that says hey anything you you can do i can do

get through life like how do we drift through life and i think that's that the enemy is has done that then i also think there's a movement right now that um that it's it's just riddled with confusion it's like hey um it's kind of a modern feminism that says hey anything you you can do i can do

And it speaks out of both sides of its mouth because it's like, like I said, if somebody kicks in the door at 2 a.m. and I'm like, hey, Monica, go see who that is. Well, then I'm the bad guy. But if I say that I need to be the guy that always goes to see who it is, then I'm also the bad guy. So there's just so much confusion there around roles and what does that look like?

And it speaks out of both sides of its mouth because it's like, like I said, if somebody kicks in the door at 2 a.m. and I'm like, hey, Monica, go see who that is. Well, then I'm the bad guy. But if I say that I need to be the guy that always goes to see who it is, then I'm also the bad guy. So there's just so much confusion there around roles and what does that look like?

where they were a Christian, but they married someone who wasn't a Christian, and they either didn't see that as important or they hoped that they would change post-marriage. You do not want to marry potential, meaning you don't want to marry someone hoping that they become someone else. That's a recipe for disaster. You want to marry them understanding their flaws,

where they were a Christian, but they married someone who wasn't a Christian, and they either didn't see that as important or they hoped that they would change post-marriage. You do not want to marry potential, meaning you don't want to marry someone hoping that they become someone else. That's a recipe for disaster. You want to marry them understanding their flaws,

I do, I am a, I guess like a soft complementarian to put a theological term on it. I do believe God made male and female different to play different roles. Now I'm not saying that a woman can't work outside the home, so that would be like a really hard complementarian stance. That's not where I'm at at all. I'm just like, look at me and my wife, and I look at most men and most women,

I do, I am a, I guess like a soft complementarian to put a theological term on it. I do believe God made male and female different to play different roles. Now I'm not saying that a woman can't work outside the home, so that would be like a really hard complementarian stance. That's not where I'm at at all. I'm just like, look at me and my wife, and I look at most men and most women,

and i'm like they're different there are things that my wife is much better at than i am and those things are necessary and and they play a role in the raising of our children that is invaluable like there are so many things that she's better at than me and there are some things where i'm going to excel beyond her capabilities because of how god made me as a male and so i think that plays a role in marriage that we need to to consider

and i'm like they're different there are things that my wife is much better at than i am and those things are necessary and and they play a role in the raising of our children that is invaluable like there are so many things that she's better at than me and there are some things where i'm going to excel beyond her capabilities because of how god made me as a male and so i think that plays a role in marriage that we need to to consider

um so on the flip side from uh what women should look for in a man yeah what should the man be looking for in a godly woman in today's day and age yeah i think you're looking for um uh someone if the job is a great wife and a great mother to my kids then i would consider okay what are the qualities that would make someone a great wife and a great mother to my kids.

um so on the flip side from uh what women should look for in a man yeah what should the man be looking for in a godly woman in today's day and age yeah i think you're looking for um uh someone if the job is a great wife and a great mother to my kids then i would consider okay what are the qualities that would make someone a great wife and a great mother to my kids.

I think you have to think beyond the bedroom. If you have a really healthy sex life, you're having sex 0.6% of the time. That's if you're doing it a lot. 0.6% of the time. Which means you better be really great at a lot of the things you're gonna be doing 99.4% of the time. That's a lot of conversations. That's a lot of other things. And I just don't think dudes think about that.

I think you have to think beyond the bedroom. If you have a really healthy sex life, you're having sex 0.6% of the time. That's if you're doing it a lot. 0.6% of the time. Which means you better be really great at a lot of the things you're gonna be doing 99.4% of the time. That's a lot of conversations. That's a lot of other things. And I just don't think dudes think about that.

I don't think dudes think about how her body's gonna change through pregnancy and giving birth to three children. I don't think a lot of dudes are thinking about how there's parts of her bodies that are gonna be off limits for long periods of time. And this is how porn has just really messed us up.

I don't think dudes think about how her body's gonna change through pregnancy and giving birth to three children. I don't think a lot of dudes are thinking about how there's parts of her bodies that are gonna be off limits for long periods of time. And this is how porn has just really messed us up.

And so you're thinking through the character qualities of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness.

And so you're thinking through the character qualities of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness.

self-control Galatians 5 this is a great list to look for in a wife I wrote another book called outdated I mentioned earlier and there's actually I have a list in there of what to look for in a guy and what to look for in a girl to try to just you know spell that out but first Peter 3 is a great scripture Ephesians 5 you mentioned earlier is a great scripture Colossians 3

self-control Galatians 5 this is a great list to look for in a wife I wrote another book called outdated I mentioned earlier and there's actually I have a list in there of what to look for in a guy and what to look for in a girl to try to just you know spell that out but first Peter 3 is a great scripture Ephesians 5 you mentioned earlier is a great scripture Colossians 3

Proverbs 31, I know there's a lot of big eye roll moment for people. It's like, oh, Proverbs 31. But it is. It's great. King Lemuel. There's a good list of qualities that actually come from his mom there to consider.

Proverbs 31, I know there's a lot of big eye roll moment for people. It's like, oh, Proverbs 31. But it is. It's great. King Lemuel. There's a good list of qualities that actually come from his mom there to consider.

Great question. Because dating is about 120 years old. Be ready to argue with me, listener. Prior to 120 years ago, no one in the history of the world ever went on a date. You don't have a single biblical example of a date. It was arranged marriage. Song of Solomon chapter 1 verse 4 says that their friends and family praised their love more than wine, which is to say they appreciated marriage.

Great question. Because dating is about 120 years old. Be ready to argue with me, listener. Prior to 120 years ago, no one in the history of the world ever went on a date. You don't have a single biblical example of a date. It was arranged marriage. Song of Solomon chapter 1 verse 4 says that their friends and family praised their love more than wine, which is to say they appreciated marriage.

uh the that god brought them together more than the party more than the open bar more than the the food that was served that they they came together and said hey this makes sense uh jesus says what god has brought together let man not separate uh there was there was this bringing together in that culture in a biblical culture there were times that you would meet your spouse at the altar like where does physical attraction fit into that narrative

uh the that god brought them together more than the party more than the open bar more than the the food that was served that they they came together and said hey this makes sense uh jesus says what god has brought together let man not separate uh there was there was this bringing together in that culture in a biblical culture there were times that you would meet your spouse at the altar like where does physical attraction fit into that narrative

Like meeting your spouse at the altar. Yeah. Right. And so I think that's you can see how far we've come in 2025 where we hold physical attraction and, you know, to the highest standard, you know, we put it in the first place. But dating, you ready for this? Dating entered the English language as a euphemism for prostitution.

Like meeting your spouse at the altar. Yeah. Right. And so I think that's you can see how far we've come in 2025 where we hold physical attraction and, you know, to the highest standard, you know, we put it in the first place. But dating, you ready for this? Dating entered the English language as a euphemism for prostitution.

understanding their fallen nature, understanding their wiring and their personality, and say, hey, they would be a great match for me. We complement each other well, and we're gonna do ministry together for the rest of our life. We're going to have children and raise those children to know God. We're gonna disciple our community, disciple in our home. And so we would make great partners.

understanding their fallen nature, understanding their wiring and their personality, and say, hey, they would be a great match for me. We complement each other well, and we're gonna do ministry together for the rest of our life. We're going to have children and raise those children to know God. We're gonna disciple our community, disciple in our home. And so we would make great partners.

a guy was talking on a radio show and he was talking about his his girlfriend and he said she started taking dates with other guys meaning she was sleeping with other men and that's where the word entered the english language dating okay as a euphemism for prostitution to go on a date

a guy was talking on a radio show and he was talking about his his girlfriend and he said she started taking dates with other guys meaning she was sleeping with other men and that's where the word entered the english language dating okay as a euphemism for prostitution to go on a date

meant to exchange sexual favors for an experience now consider how we date in 2025 the world they exchange sexual experience sexual favors for an experience like show me a good time take me to a great dinner let's go on an incredible vacation and then let's get a great hotel room and and I'll show you a good time that's really how a lot of the world thinks about dating

meant to exchange sexual favors for an experience now consider how we date in 2025 the world they exchange sexual experience sexual favors for an experience like show me a good time take me to a great dinner let's go on an incredible vacation and then let's get a great hotel room and and I'll show you a good time that's really how a lot of the world thinks about dating

And so I'm not trying to kiss it goodbye, but I do think we need to redeem it. And, and what dating needs to be for believers is a pathway to a promise. And so I would say, you know, you have a girlfriend. Yeah. I would say, what do you need to find out about her to determine if she would be a great wife?

And so I'm not trying to kiss it goodbye, but I do think we need to redeem it. And, and what dating needs to be for believers is a pathway to a promise. And so I would say, you know, you have a girlfriend. Yeah. I would say, what do you need to find out about her to determine if she would be a great wife?

think it's a very good question to consider for people who are dating is what do i need to find out about them to determine if they would be a suitable spouse what is the gap and then how do i intentionally find that out quickly and effectively because i'll be honest with you as someone who's been single as someone who's dated and someone who's been married

think it's a very good question to consider for people who are dating is what do i need to find out about them to determine if they would be a suitable spouse what is the gap and then how do i intentionally find that out quickly and effectively because i'll be honest with you as someone who's been single as someone who's dated and someone who's been married

dating is the worst of the three singleness awesome you can go places do things you can leverage it for the kingdom first first corinthians 7 you know you're you're concerned about the affairs the kingdom paul writes that he's plagiarizing matthew 19 he says jesus says in matthew 19 there are some who are celibate for the sake of the kingdom not everyone who can accept it but those who can should

dating is the worst of the three singleness awesome you can go places do things you can leverage it for the kingdom first first corinthians 7 you know you're you're concerned about the affairs the kingdom paul writes that he's plagiarizing matthew 19 he says jesus says in matthew 19 there are some who are celibate for the sake of the kingdom not everyone who can accept it but those who can should

Like singleness is awesome. Marriage, amazing. You can sleep in the same bed. You can snuggle. You can have sex. You can be intimate. You can literally create life and children and raise those children to know God and sit at the breakfast table and make memories on family vacation. It's awesome. Singleness, awesome. Marriage, awesome. Dating, not so awesome.

Like singleness is awesome. Marriage, amazing. You can sleep in the same bed. You can snuggle. You can have sex. You can be intimate. You can literally create life and children and raise those children to know God and sit at the breakfast table and make memories on family vacation. It's awesome. Singleness, awesome. Marriage, awesome. Dating, not so awesome.

It's like I gotta be around someone that I'm really attracted to, but I can't really touch them in a way that causes their body to begin to prepare for sex, because that wouldn't be loving, and so I'm trying to restrain this constantly, but I have these strong feelings for them, but there's all these baked in insecurities, because I don't know if they feel the same way about me all the time, and we just kind of go through these emotional highs and lows.

It's like I gotta be around someone that I'm really attracted to, but I can't really touch them in a way that causes their body to begin to prepare for sex, because that wouldn't be loving, and so I'm trying to restrain this constantly, but I have these strong feelings for them, but there's all these baked in insecurities, because I don't know if they feel the same way about me all the time, and we just kind of go through these emotional highs and lows.

So I would try to get out of the dating phase as quickly and effectively as possible,

So I would try to get out of the dating phase as quickly and effectively as possible,

to say what do i need to know about this person to understand if they would be a suitable spouse so that we can get this show on the road or stop wasting each other's time because again this dating thing totally man-made didn't exist prior to 120 years ago totally our invention that is now a cultural phenomenon in america at least um of of how we we try to find a spouse

to say what do i need to know about this person to understand if they would be a suitable spouse so that we can get this show on the road or stop wasting each other's time because again this dating thing totally man-made didn't exist prior to 120 years ago totally our invention that is now a cultural phenomenon in america at least um of of how we we try to find a spouse

So really what a Christian marriage is, It's a strengthening of ministry. You're like looking for a ministry partner. And so if you marry a non-believer, so much of the ministry that you're doing is going to be to them. And it's a really hard life. And the scripture speaks specifically to this in 1 Peter 3.

So really what a Christian marriage is, It's a strengthening of ministry. You're like looking for a ministry partner. And so if you marry a non-believer, so much of the ministry that you're doing is going to be to them. And it's a really hard life. And the scripture speaks specifically to this in 1 Peter 3.

Yeah, I think it is about the same thing. So courting was when you would really pursue a woman through her father. And so you would talk to her dad, you would spend time together in the living room. So a lot of times I think we play some word games as Christians, like courting, dating, you know, we just put some parameters around it.

Yeah, I think it is about the same thing. So courting was when you would really pursue a woman through her father. And so you would talk to her dad, you would spend time together in the living room. So a lot of times I think we play some word games as Christians, like courting, dating, you know, we just put some parameters around it.

But really with the invention of the automobile, like the car, because when you couldn't drive, it was just like if you wanted to see, you know, pursue a woman, you'd have to go to her house, you'd have to talk to her parents, and then you'd really spend time together there. It wasn't really in the backseat of the movies.

But really with the invention of the automobile, like the car, because when you couldn't drive, it was just like if you wanted to see, you know, pursue a woman, you'd have to go to her house, you'd have to talk to her parents, and then you'd really spend time together there. It wasn't really in the backseat of the movies.

I mean, a lot of times you're sitting on the front porch where everyone could look in on that relationship. There was an authenticity and a transparency to it. But that's all gone away because now we're, And then with the birth of technology, even, a lot of dating happens through FaceTime and Tinder and whatnot.

I mean, a lot of times you're sitting on the front porch where everyone could look in on that relationship. There was an authenticity and a transparency to it. But that's all gone away because now we're, And then with the birth of technology, even, a lot of dating happens through FaceTime and Tinder and whatnot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sure.

Sure.

You can't determine obedience by the outcome. So I, I don't always like as Christians to go to use others as examples. I just, I think about the biblical texts and how does the scripture inform our behavior here? And so Monica and I dated for three years. Uh, we got married. Um, it was great for a year. It was really hard year two.

You can't determine obedience by the outcome. So I, I don't always like as Christians to go to use others as examples. I just, I think about the biblical texts and how does the scripture inform our behavior here? And so Monica and I dated for three years. Uh, we got married. Um, it was great for a year. It was really hard year two.

We almost got divorced and then community came in our lives and we have an amazing marriage. We're over, over 20 years now, three kids. And I would say we dated too long. I don't think that our biology was made and designed to spend time with someone that we really, really like and we're physically attracted to. I mean, we're basically just restraining our bodies in ways that we weren't meant to.

We almost got divorced and then community came in our lives and we have an amazing marriage. We're over, over 20 years now, three kids. And I would say we dated too long. I don't think that our biology was made and designed to spend time with someone that we really, really like and we're physically attracted to. I mean, we're basically just restraining our bodies in ways that we weren't meant to.

And then you get married and you stand in front of your friends and family and you're like, for rich or poor, sickness and health, till death do us part, I do. And now you're like, you have to tell your body, but hey, all that stuff I've been telling you, no, no, no, no, no, now it's okay. And some people really struggle with the flipping of that switch.

And then you get married and you stand in front of your friends and family and you're like, for rich or poor, sickness and health, till death do us part, I do. And now you're like, you have to tell your body, but hey, all that stuff I've been telling you, no, no, no, no, no, now it's okay. And some people really struggle with the flipping of that switch.

It says, you know, if your husband is not a believer, to try to win him over with your good deeds in the way that you love him and care for him and serve him, that's a tough life, man. That's really challenging that they would see grace through your acts of service toward them. That's really challenging.

It says, you know, if your husband is not a believer, to try to win him over with your good deeds in the way that you love him and care for him and serve him, that's a tough life, man. That's really challenging that they would see grace through your acts of service toward them. That's really challenging.

And so I'm just not like the biggest fan of the way that we date today. Um, I'm much, I'm a much bigger fan of like short dating, but the problem with that is a lot of people don't have the maturity that is required for marriage.

And so I'm just not like the biggest fan of the way that we date today. Um, I'm much, I'm a much bigger fan of like short dating, but the problem with that is a lot of people don't have the maturity that is required for marriage.

And so I, I, I like literally didn't have this thought till right now, but I'm so passionate about this that I've invested in, uh, um, a matchmaking site, qualified date.com. And so shout out, I didn't come on here to talk about that. It didn't even cross my mind till right now. No, no.

And so I, I, I like literally didn't have this thought till right now, but I'm so passionate about this that I've invested in, uh, um, a matchmaking site, qualified date.com. And so shout out, I didn't come on here to talk about that. It didn't even cross my mind till right now. No, no.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. So so lit. Yeah. So it's it's it's like and people are like, oh, you know, you're a pastor. You're trying to get rich. Listen, I've made zero dollars on this zero and won't for a very, very long time, possibly ever. It is a passion project because I look at the landscape of the world and I'm just like, man, we are doing this so wrong and people are so unhappy.

Yeah. So so lit. Yeah. So it's it's it's like and people are like, oh, you know, you're a pastor. You're trying to get rich. Listen, I've made zero dollars on this zero and won't for a very, very long time, possibly ever. It is a passion project because I look at the landscape of the world and I'm just like, man, we are doing this so wrong and people are so unhappy.

And I think if we prioritize the things that God prioritized, that we would be set up for much more success. And they say, well, how do you know? Listen, I've done lots of marriages before. I served in, and I mean this with humility, but the largest young adult ministry in America at least. And what that meant is maybe I've done more weddings as anyone my age or as many have.

And I think if we prioritize the things that God prioritized, that we would be set up for much more success. And they say, well, how do you know? Listen, I've done lots of marriages before. I served in, and I mean this with humility, but the largest young adult ministry in America at least. And what that meant is maybe I've done more weddings as anyone my age or as many have.

I've done a lot of weddings. I don't know how to say that.

I've done a lot of weddings. I don't know how to say that.

so I've seen the ones that work I've seen the relationships that work I've seen the ones that don't I see what people are doing so that's the experience I'm bringing to the table I don't have a dog in the fight I'm not trying to like rock your world or mess you up I want anyone listening to be healthy and happy and have a thriving relationship with Jesus first and

so I've seen the ones that work I've seen the relationships that work I've seen the ones that don't I see what people are doing so that's the experience I'm bringing to the table I don't have a dog in the fight I'm not trying to like rock your world or mess you up I want anyone listening to be healthy and happy and have a thriving relationship with Jesus first and

And then if they desire marriage, a thriving marriage. And if you don't want marriage, a thriving single life. Like you can be an amazing follower of Jesus and single. It's not Lesser Than, it's not JV. It's awesome. Jesus was single, Paul was single. But if you desire marriage, I want you to find marriage in a way that's God honoring. And that's why we did that website.

And then if they desire marriage, a thriving marriage. And if you don't want marriage, a thriving single life. Like you can be an amazing follower of Jesus and single. It's not Lesser Than, it's not JV. It's awesome. Jesus was single, Paul was single. But if you desire marriage, I want you to find marriage in a way that's God honoring. And that's why we did that website.

Yeah, yeah, soulmate.

Yeah, yeah, soulmate.

It's fascinating. Soulmate comes from Greek mythology. And it was this belief that Zeus had cut people in half. And that literally like half your soul is around there and you have to find them. And it's a rather hopeless idea to... Because you're like trying to find the needle in the haystack amongst 8 billion people in the world. Like you've got to find that one person.

It's fascinating. Soulmate comes from Greek mythology. And it was this belief that Zeus had cut people in half. And that literally like half your soul is around there and you have to find them. And it's a rather hopeless idea to... Because you're like trying to find the needle in the haystack amongst 8 billion people in the world. Like you've got to find that one person.

And I would say that a biblical perspective on this is that you could be really happy with hundreds of thousands of people of the opposite sex.

And I would say that a biblical perspective on this is that you could be really happy with hundreds of thousands of people of the opposite sex.

that were born in some window around when you were, and you loved Jesus and they loved Jesus, and together, y'all could be a great ministry partner, and really learn to enjoy each other, and really learn to serve each other, and really learn to sacrifice for each other.

that were born in some window around when you were, and you loved Jesus and they loved Jesus, and together, y'all could be a great ministry partner, and really learn to enjoy each other, and really learn to serve each other, and really learn to sacrifice for each other.

And so I would say that you should be someone who's radically pursuing Jesus and find someone who is radically pursuing Jesus. I did a podcast recently and they were like, yeah, but that doesn't give people who aren't radically pursuing Jesus a lot of hope. I'm like, Jesus is our hope. The good news is The difference of someone who's not radically pursuing Jesus and someone who is, is a decision.

And so I would say that you should be someone who's radically pursuing Jesus and find someone who is radically pursuing Jesus. I did a podcast recently and they were like, yeah, but that doesn't give people who aren't radically pursuing Jesus a lot of hope. I'm like, Jesus is our hope. The good news is The difference of someone who's not radically pursuing Jesus and someone who is, is a decision.

and it's such an unpopular perspective because people we we so idolize feelings emotions and physical attraction but watch there's a lot of people that put the feelings emotions physical attraction and chemistry in first place and and they marry and it's really hot and heavy and then they divorce like the bachelor and the bachelorette the tv show

and it's such an unpopular perspective because people we we so idolize feelings emotions and physical attraction but watch there's a lot of people that put the feelings emotions physical attraction and chemistry in first place and and they marry and it's really hot and heavy and then they divorce like the bachelor and the bachelorette the tv show

has done us such a great service here because we can see that they have created chemistry. They've put beautiful people in a room. And you get to choose from lots of them. And we have very few weddings from that show. Okay, so my friend Sean Lowe and Catherine, who are believers, and I think it's the Holy Spirit that holds them together, not the show.

has done us such a great service here because we can see that they have created chemistry. They've put beautiful people in a room. And you get to choose from lots of them. And we have very few weddings from that show. Okay, so my friend Sean Lowe and Catherine, who are believers, and I think it's the Holy Spirit that holds them together, not the show.

And I know that there's been at least one other and maybe a couple more weddings But but for the most part, it's an epic failure in creating a marriage. Epic. Hear me. Quote me. Epic failure in creating a marriage because they prioritize the wrong things. They prioritize the things that the world prioritize. And that's why it's not working out.

And I know that there's been at least one other and maybe a couple more weddings But but for the most part, it's an epic failure in creating a marriage. Epic. Hear me. Quote me. Epic failure in creating a marriage because they prioritize the wrong things. They prioritize the things that the world prioritize. And that's why it's not working out.

yeah so do you think it's wrong though to have like a perspective of like oh this person kind of like completes me yeah i think like or not maybe not complete like oh like they're my missing rib yeah yeah i do i i think it's uh i think this type of person goes really well with me and the argument uh against that theologically would be the sovereignty of god was like but god if god knows everything then god knows who i'm going to end up with which means god created somebody for me to find and i would say god has zero expectations that you would be god

yeah so do you think it's wrong though to have like a perspective of like oh this person kind of like completes me yeah i think like or not maybe not complete like oh like they're my missing rib yeah yeah i do i i think it's uh i think this type of person goes really well with me and the argument uh against that theologically would be the sovereignty of god was like but god if god knows everything then god knows who i'm going to end up with which means god created somebody for me to find and i would say god has zero expectations that you would be god

and that you would know what god knows and so god gives you parameters to look for and for the most of history people determined that for you on your behalf like you did not get to speak into who you married for most of history and especially when the bible was written that was true and so for me to think like listen i'm six foot seven i'm weird tall Like LeBron James. I'm weird tall.

and that you would know what god knows and so god gives you parameters to look for and for the most of history people determined that for you on your behalf like you did not get to speak into who you married for most of history and especially when the bible was written that was true and so for me to think like listen i'm six foot seven i'm weird tall Like LeBron James. I'm weird tall.

My wife is 5'2". I've got dark hair. She has blonde hair. I like guns, motorcycles, and the UFC. She likes babies and puppies. We couldn't be more different, man. I'm an extrovert, go, go, go. She's an introvert. I love vacation. I love big dates at nice restaurants. She loves simple food and game nights in the living room.

My wife is 5'2". I've got dark hair. She has blonde hair. I like guns, motorcycles, and the UFC. She likes babies and puppies. We couldn't be more different, man. I'm an extrovert, go, go, go. She's an introvert. I love vacation. I love big dates at nice restaurants. She loves simple food and game nights in the living room.

We are opposites in so many ways, and that has been a force to be reckoned with because we complement each other so well. if we shared a lot of interest, that could be great too. But I don't think, having been married 20 years, that God made her and me at the same time so that we would only be each other's match. I'll say it like this, Bryce.

We are opposites in so many ways, and that has been a force to be reckoned with because we complement each other so well. if we shared a lot of interest, that could be great too. But I don't think, having been married 20 years, that God made her and me at the same time so that we would only be each other's match. I'll say it like this, Bryce.

Is there someone that Monica could be happier with out there? And the answer is absolutely yes. Is there someone I could be happier with out there? The answer is absolutely yes, but it doesn't matter because we said I do to each other. So we are in a covenant relationship together before God, the creator of the heavens, the earth.

Is there someone that Monica could be happier with out there? And the answer is absolutely yes. Is there someone I could be happier with out there? The answer is absolutely yes, but it doesn't matter because we said I do to each other. So we are in a covenant relationship together before God, the creator of the heavens, the earth.

So we will love each other until we both die, regardless of what happens in outdated. I wrote about this couple that they got married and four days in on the honeymoon. She gets a wave, crashes her up against a rock, and she's now a quadriplegic. Now that dude's lot in life is changing her diaper for the rest of the, like, that's like, he, he, is that what he signed up for?

So we will love each other until we both die, regardless of what happens in outdated. I wrote about this couple that they got married and four days in on the honeymoon. She gets a wave, crashes her up against a rock, and she's now a quadriplegic. Now that dude's lot in life is changing her diaper for the rest of the, like, that's like, he, he, is that what he signed up for?

Because the world's going to say, oh, you can, you can let him, you know, you can get out of that. You know, you should be happy, get her a good nurse, whatever. No man, for the rest of his life, he's taking care of her because four days into the honeymoon, she was crashed against a rock and she's now a quadriplegic. And I think it's a beautiful example of Christ.

Because the world's going to say, oh, you can, you can let him, you know, you can get out of that. You know, you should be happy, get her a good nurse, whatever. No man, for the rest of his life, he's taking care of her because four days into the honeymoon, she was crashed against a rock and she's now a quadriplegic. And I think it's a beautiful example of Christ.

It's like right now, you can be hearing this and saying, okay, you know what, I wanna turn my life around. I wanna start running hard after God. I believe there's a God. I believe 2,025 years ago, there was a carpenter born in Bethlehem, a town that you would have never heard of except he was born there. He lived in Nazareth, a city that you would have never known about except he lived there.

It's like right now, you can be hearing this and saying, okay, you know what, I wanna turn my life around. I wanna start running hard after God. I believe there's a God. I believe 2,025 years ago, there was a carpenter born in Bethlehem, a town that you would have never heard of except he was born there. He lived in Nazareth, a city that you would have never known about except he lived there.

Straight up.

Straight up.

You got a whole book of the Bible on that. Hey, I want you to love this woman who's paying other dudes to have sex with her.

You got a whole book of the Bible on that. Hey, I want you to love this woman who's paying other dudes to have sex with her.

That's how God loves us.

That's how God loves us.

You mean physical boundaries?

You mean physical boundaries?

Yeah. I don't either. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't either. Yeah.

Not necessarily about the prayer thing, but like, here's why I think it is legalistic is because I cannot think of a verse that So it's a wisdom principle potentially for some. And so if you said, hey, I don't pray with Maddie because it does something to my heart, doesn't guard her heart, Proverbs 4.23, I'd say, man, that's an amazing wisdom principle for you.

Not necessarily about the prayer thing, but like, here's why I think it is legalistic is because I cannot think of a verse that So it's a wisdom principle potentially for some. And so if you said, hey, I don't pray with Maddie because it does something to my heart, doesn't guard her heart, Proverbs 4.23, I'd say, man, that's an amazing wisdom principle for you.

But if you said no one should, I would say that's legalism because the Bible doesn't say that. What the Bible says is flee sexual immorality. All other sin a person commits are outside the body. Whoever sins sexually sins against their own body. Do not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. who is in you, whom you've received from God. You're not your own. You've been bought by price.

But if you said no one should, I would say that's legalism because the Bible doesn't say that. What the Bible says is flee sexual immorality. All other sin a person commits are outside the body. Whoever sins sexually sins against their own body. Do not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. who is in you, whom you've received from God. You're not your own. You've been bought by price.

Therefore, honor God with your body. This is 1 Corinthians 6, 18 through 20. And so what I would say, what I believe the scripture is teaching is,

Therefore, honor God with your body. This is 1 Corinthians 6, 18 through 20. And so what I would say, what I believe the scripture is teaching is,

that when we when our bodies begin to prepare for sex we've gone too far and so we were like hey can I can we kiss I'm like what depends on how you kiss like are you are you like tongue kiss your French kissing like laying down rubbing petting it's like cuz that's unloving man you are revving up that engine and then you're pulling the brake

that when we when our bodies begin to prepare for sex we've gone too far and so we were like hey can I can we kiss I'm like what depends on how you kiss like are you are you like tongue kiss your French kissing like laying down rubbing petting it's like cuz that's unloving man you are revving up that engine and then you're pulling the brake

and then you're leaving and like that's good it's it's painful yeah it's it's unloving it's not kind it's not a kindness to them and you say you love them you say you like them but then you hurt them like what kind of person does that you know and so i don't say that to shame you i'm just like i'm asking i'm genuinely asking the question i was that kind of person by the way so i'm uh it's not judgment it's like man just think about how unwise that is

and then you're leaving and like that's good it's it's painful yeah it's it's unloving it's not kind it's not a kindness to them and you say you love them you say you like them but then you hurt them like what kind of person does that you know and so i don't say that to shame you i'm just like i'm asking i'm genuinely asking the question i was that kind of person by the way so i'm uh it's not judgment it's like man just think about how unwise that is

And so if I apply first Corinthians six, then I'm just thinking, Hey, if, when, when my bio biology begins to say, okay, Hey, it's like the way that God made me is brilliant design. You know, the way that God made us to literally create life is like when my body begins to prepare to create life, like I've gone too far. Likewise with, with a female.

And so if I apply first Corinthians six, then I'm just thinking, Hey, if, when, when my bio biology begins to say, okay, Hey, it's like the way that God made me is brilliant design. You know, the way that God made us to literally create life is like when my body begins to prepare to create life, like I've gone too far. Likewise with, with a female.

And every atheist, you know, acknowledges him by the date on their iPhones because this carpenter born in Bethlehem reset time. And you say, if that's true, if he died and he showed back up, then what else am I going to do with my life? But chase hard after him and know him and make him known.

And every atheist, you know, acknowledges him by the date on their iPhones because this carpenter born in Bethlehem reset time. And you say, if that's true, if he died and he showed back up, then what else am I going to do with my life? But chase hard after him and know him and make him known.

Because we idolize pleasure and sex feels good in most cases. And it's the highest high we can get apart from drugs. And so the dopamine levels and the endorphins that are released during orgasm are among the highest that you can realize naturally. Your body can release endorphins on a run. You call it runner's high. or during a workout or when you get really great news, that kind of things.

Because we idolize pleasure and sex feels good in most cases. And it's the highest high we can get apart from drugs. And so the dopamine levels and the endorphins that are released during orgasm are among the highest that you can realize naturally. Your body can release endorphins on a run. You call it runner's high. or during a workout or when you get really great news, that kind of things.

But the serotonin levels, the endorphin levels that are released during intimacy are the highest that you can naturally experience. And we're constantly, it's the same reason, it's like why does anybody do crystal meth? Like have you seen? It seems like people get really stuck doing crystal meth. It must feel really good because then they can't not do it.

But the serotonin levels, the endorphin levels that are released during intimacy are the highest that you can naturally experience. And we're constantly, it's the same reason, it's like why does anybody do crystal meth? Like have you seen? It seems like people get really stuck doing crystal meth. It must feel really good because then they can't not do it.

Well it's the same, it's true with sex outside of marriage. On an erotic scale of 1 to 10, sex outside of marriage is an 11. Now, people who have saved themselves are like, well, wait, what am I missing out on? And I'm like, you're missing out on something really addictive. You know what else would be a high erotic scale? Sex with your neighbor or spouse. It's because there's a danger factor.

Well it's the same, it's true with sex outside of marriage. On an erotic scale of 1 to 10, sex outside of marriage is an 11. Now, people who have saved themselves are like, well, wait, what am I missing out on? And I'm like, you're missing out on something really addictive. You know what else would be a high erotic scale? Sex with your neighbor or spouse. It's because there's a danger factor.

So life isn't about let me go and try to experience the most amount of pleasure I can. Life is really about restraint and learning to enjoy the pursuit of holiness. a nearness to God. That's what's lost, I think, in our culture today. He says, be holy because I am holy. And so what does it look like for me to be sanctified?

So life isn't about let me go and try to experience the most amount of pleasure I can. Life is really about restraint and learning to enjoy the pursuit of holiness. a nearness to God. That's what's lost, I think, in our culture today. He says, be holy because I am holy. And so what does it look like for me to be sanctified?

1 Thessalonians 4, this is God's will for you, that you would be sanctified, that you would avoid sexual immorality. He says, you want to know the will of God, that you would grow in godliness and that you would avoid sexual immorality. That's what he says.

1 Thessalonians 4, this is God's will for you, that you would be sanctified, that you would avoid sexual immorality. He says, you want to know the will of God, that you would grow in godliness and that you would avoid sexual immorality. That's what he says.

This is God's will for you.

This is God's will for you.

Yeah, man. So it's like the Hebrew word dode, this mingling of souls. Matt Chandler writes about this.

Yeah, man. So it's like the Hebrew word dode, this mingling of souls. Matt Chandler writes about this.

it's it's it's so different than what you think as a single person i'll just say speak first person very different than what i thought of as a single person selfless service so as as a like we often when we think about intimacy we think what can i get what pleasure can i experience but it's really an act of giving

it's it's it's so different than what you think as a single person i'll just say speak first person very different than what i thought of as a single person selfless service so as as a like we often when we think about intimacy we think what can i get what pleasure can i experience but it's really an act of giving

you know how can I how can I serve my lover and and make sure that she is cared for and she feels safe and protected and um and and uh you know I'm gentle and I'm not trying to be weird now I know that people are going to take that out of context and make a meme about me but

you know how can I how can I serve my lover and and make sure that she is cared for and she feels safe and protected and um and and uh you know I'm gentle and I'm not trying to be weird now I know that people are going to take that out of context and make a meme about me but

i wasn't trying to be weird either asking it but i know people at people genuinely are like yeah giving likes like selflessness uh i always tell like single friends i'm like don't live alone like if you desire marriage don't live alone because idiosyncrasies grow in isolation and um and marriage is really a long act of selflessly serving somebody for the rest of your life

i wasn't trying to be weird either asking it but i know people at people genuinely are like yeah giving likes like selflessness uh i always tell like single friends i'm like don't live alone like if you desire marriage don't live alone because idiosyncrasies grow in isolation and um and marriage is really a long act of selflessly serving somebody for the rest of your life

And it's beautiful and it's great and it's awesome. Um, and it, but it's hard and it's work and, um, and there's some real challenges there. And so one of the best ways to prepare for marriage is have roommates, dysfunctional roommates that don't do the dishes, you know, those kinds of roommates that will prepare you for marriage.

And it's beautiful and it's great and it's awesome. Um, and it, but it's hard and it's work and, um, and there's some real challenges there. And so one of the best ways to prepare for marriage is have roommates, dysfunctional roommates that don't do the dishes, you know, those kinds of roommates that will prepare you for marriage.

Sure. And how? Yeah, I think when you have no regard for your spouse's safety, when you try to bring in images outside the marriage, and so some people are like, oh, well, we'll look at porn together. It's like that is... That is so sinful and evil and Satan receives it as worship. Satan receives pornography as worship. You can quote me on that. Yeah, I don't mean to be prideful when I say that.

Sure. And how? Yeah, I think when you have no regard for your spouse's safety, when you try to bring in images outside the marriage, and so some people are like, oh, well, we'll look at porn together. It's like that is... That is so sinful and evil and Satan receives it as worship. Satan receives pornography as worship. You can quote me on that. Yeah, I don't mean to be prideful when I say that.

I've been so personally hurt by pornography. I brought so much pain on myself and others with that that I think the enemy is glorified in it. If you push your spouse to do something that they're not comfortable doing, it's not a sales pitch. It's a time of serving them and caring for them. And that's really what I mean.

I've been so personally hurt by pornography. I brought so much pain on myself and others with that that I think the enemy is glorified in it. If you push your spouse to do something that they're not comfortable doing, it's not a sales pitch. It's a time of serving them and caring for them. And that's really what I mean.

I think so often there's so many husbands that wanna live out all their pornographic fantasies in marriage and that's not what it's about. It's about serving your spouse.

I think so often there's so many husbands that wanna live out all their pornographic fantasies in marriage and that's not what it's about. It's about serving your spouse.

If that makes sense. What do you mean by power?

If that makes sense. What do you mean by power?

Yeah, I would just say, if you're not a follower of Jesus, I'm not here to give you dating lessons. Find Jesus and pursue Him. Figure out if He's true. I'm not looking to change your behavior, but to influence your belief. If you are a follower of Jesus, I think what dating looks like is really a sweet friendship of a guy and a man and a woman saying, hey, let's pursue Christ together.

Yeah, I would just say, if you're not a follower of Jesus, I'm not here to give you dating lessons. Find Jesus and pursue Him. Figure out if He's true. I'm not looking to change your behavior, but to influence your belief. If you are a follower of Jesus, I think what dating looks like is really a sweet friendship of a guy and a man and a woman saying, hey, let's pursue Christ together.

Tommy Nelson talks about it like you're running a race. And it's like, man, I'm just pursuing Jesus. I'm running hard after Jesus. I'm running for Jesus. I'm going on this mission trip. I'm serving at my church. I'm I'm going to church on Sundays. I'm going to recovery night, discipleship night. I'm serving, I'm doing these things.

Tommy Nelson talks about it like you're running a race. And it's like, man, I'm just pursuing Jesus. I'm running hard after Jesus. I'm running for Jesus. I'm going on this mission trip. I'm serving at my church. I'm I'm going to church on Sundays. I'm going to recovery night, discipleship night. I'm serving, I'm doing these things.

And as I'm running this race, I look beside me and I notice that, man, there's this woman beside me often as I'm running this race. She's running hard after Jesus too. And at some point, I'm like, hey, do you want to continue to run with me? You want to keep running this race together for the rest of our lives? You do? Okay, great. And I think that's dating into marriage.

And as I'm running this race, I look beside me and I notice that, man, there's this woman beside me often as I'm running this race. She's running hard after Jesus too. And at some point, I'm like, hey, do you want to continue to run with me? You want to keep running this race together for the rest of our lives? You do? Okay, great. And I think that's dating into marriage.

What it looks like is you're just, you're the greatest lover of your soul is Jesus Christ. You're pursuing him and you guys are pursuing him together. And when you realize like, Hey, I like pursuing this guy. You like pursuing this guy. Let's pursue this guy together. That that's, that's what dating looks like. And so if we learn from Hollywood, it's like, Oh my gosh, you're amazing. You're hot.

What it looks like is you're just, you're the greatest lover of your soul is Jesus Christ. You're pursuing him and you guys are pursuing him together. And when you realize like, Hey, I like pursuing this guy. You like pursuing this guy. Let's pursue this guy together. That that's, that's what dating looks like. And so if we learn from Hollywood, it's like, Oh my gosh, you're amazing. You're hot.

You're so attractive. I can't stop thinking about you. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. and it's all of that, and you just give your heart away, and then you break up, and then you're, like the average breakup is like going through divorce today.

You're so attractive. I can't stop thinking about you. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. and it's all of that, and you just give your heart away, and then you break up, and then you're, like the average breakup is like going through divorce today.

It's like the way that we date, we're like so emotionally invested, and then we have to undo that and rip a heart away from them, you know, and it's like our hearts weren't made for that, man. Like no wonder anxiety's so high, no wonder depression's so high. Our hearts weren't made to, like our hearts were really made to be given away once, right?

It's like the way that we date, we're like so emotionally invested, and then we have to undo that and rip a heart away from them, you know, and it's like our hearts weren't made for that, man. Like no wonder anxiety's so high, no wonder depression's so high. Our hearts weren't made to, like our hearts were really made to be given away once, right?

Like ink blotches on your arms.

Like ink blotches on your arms.

And then and then and then maybe we experience grief through death and then maybe remarriage. But our hearts were not made to be given away over and over and over again. So we have to consider our biological makeup, like how God, the creator of the heavens, the earth designed us and literally like how he made us. And so that's why I'm just not a big fan of dating like you're married.

And then and then and then maybe we experience grief through death and then maybe remarriage. But our hearts were not made to be given away over and over and over again. So we have to consider our biological makeup, like how God, the creator of the heavens, the earth designed us and literally like how he made us. And so that's why I'm just not a big fan of dating like you're married.

I'm a fan of dating to get married quickly and efficiently and effectively as possible.

I'm a fan of dating to get married quickly and efficiently and effectively as possible.

Yeah, I was raised Catholic. I didn't go to church in college. And I would say I became a Christian 22 years ago when I was at a club and someone invited me to church and I went hungover and smelled like smoke from the night before and surrendered my life to Jesus. That's the short version. But I began to explore world religions.

Yeah, I was raised Catholic. I didn't go to church in college. And I would say I became a Christian 22 years ago when I was at a club and someone invited me to church and I went hungover and smelled like smoke from the night before and surrendered my life to Jesus. That's the short version. But I began to explore world religions.

I looked at the Hindu faith, the Buddhist faith, the Jewish faith, the Islamic faith. Mormons, Jehovah's Witness, Church of Christian Science, Scientology, and I kept tripping over Jesus. And when I realized that the Christian narrative was true, that Jesus died for my sins, and God raised him from the dead, and I placed my faith in that, I didn't give enough thought to this idea of the enemy.

I looked at the Hindu faith, the Buddhist faith, the Jewish faith, the Islamic faith. Mormons, Jehovah's Witness, Church of Christian Science, Scientology, and I kept tripping over Jesus. And when I realized that the Christian narrative was true, that Jesus died for my sins, and God raised him from the dead, and I placed my faith in that, I didn't give enough thought to this idea of the enemy.

And it's like when I was in L.A. not long ago, there were these fires, you know, the L.A. fires. It was so weird to me that there were these firemen like giving their lives to fight these fires and trying to like save people and houses and animals and all the things.

And it's like when I was in L.A. not long ago, there were these fires, you know, the L.A. fires. It was so weird to me that there were these firemen like giving their lives to fight these fires and trying to like save people and houses and animals and all the things.

meanwhile like so much of LA was just going on like normal like I mean they were like I saw a dude on Venice Beach getting a massage you know other people were skateboarding I'm like dude there's a fire right there and I think we think about spiritual warfare like that like oh yeah there's angels and demons fighting all around us but until it impacts me until it impacts my house I'm not even concerned about it until I have to step into the war but the reality is you're in the war right now whether you realize it or not

meanwhile like so much of LA was just going on like normal like I mean they were like I saw a dude on Venice Beach getting a massage you know other people were skateboarding I'm like dude there's a fire right there and I think we think about spiritual warfare like that like oh yeah there's angels and demons fighting all around us but until it impacts me until it impacts my house I'm not even concerned about it until I have to step into the war but the reality is you're in the war right now whether you realize it or not

The enemy is fighting you. You have demons around you. Like one third of the angelic realm fell with Satan. And those fallen angels, they're trying to keep you out of right relationship with God. This is why your quiet time is hard. This is why the Bible doesn't make sense when you read it. This is why when you pray, you feel like you're just talking to the air and that God feels far.

The enemy is fighting you. You have demons around you. Like one third of the angelic realm fell with Satan. And those fallen angels, they're trying to keep you out of right relationship with God. This is why your quiet time is hard. This is why the Bible doesn't make sense when you read it. This is why when you pray, you feel like you're just talking to the air and that God feels far.

it's all a part of the spiritual war. This is why you're so tempted in dating to go farther than you should. It's like dating without the intentions of marriage, are like shopping without money. You either take something that doesn't belong to you or you leave frustrated. You either leave frustrated or you take something that doesn't belong to you.

it's all a part of the spiritual war. This is why you're so tempted in dating to go farther than you should. It's like dating without the intentions of marriage, are like shopping without money. You either take something that doesn't belong to you or you leave frustrated. You either leave frustrated or you take something that doesn't belong to you.

No, of course not. And so God... You know, God's a creative God. One of the first things that he does, or the first thing that he does is create. The first thing that we see in the scriptures. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. So he's creative. He cares about aesthetics. We see that in nature.

No, of course not. And so God... You know, God's a creative God. One of the first things that he does, or the first thing that he does is create. The first thing that we see in the scriptures. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. So he's creative. He cares about aesthetics. We see that in nature.

And that's why I'm like, that's where the enemy works. And so Your Story Has a Villain is just really about that, your story, your narrative here on earth. You have an enemy. He hates you, and he's not afraid of you. But he's terrified of Jesus. So you want to be close to Jesus. Psalm 23, you know, the Lord is my shepherd. The pronouns change in that psalm.

And that's why I'm like, that's where the enemy works. And so Your Story Has a Villain is just really about that, your story, your narrative here on earth. You have an enemy. He hates you, and he's not afraid of you. But he's terrified of Jesus. So you want to be close to Jesus. Psalm 23, you know, the Lord is my shepherd. The pronouns change in that psalm.

I don't know if you've ever noticed that. But he says, the Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me lie down in great pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. For his name's sake. For even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear for you.

I don't know if you've ever noticed that. But he says, the Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me lie down in great pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. For his name's sake. For even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear for you.

are with me your rod and your staff they come for me in the valley of the shadow of death the sheep draw near to the shepherd because the shepherd is their protection and so that's the solution satan's not afraid of you satan's never been anywhere near you by the way he's not omnipresent he can only be in one place at one time demons have been around you but satan doesn't even know who who we are you know he's he's in somewhere with kings and rulers and

are with me your rod and your staff they come for me in the valley of the shadow of death the sheep draw near to the shepherd because the shepherd is their protection and so that's the solution satan's not afraid of you satan's never been anywhere near you by the way he's not omnipresent he can only be in one place at one time demons have been around you but satan doesn't even know who who we are you know he's he's in somewhere with kings and rulers and

genocide and wars and whatnot. But so if I'm being attacked spiritually, I need to move close to Jesus because they're terrified of Jesus.

genocide and wars and whatnot. But so if I'm being attacked spiritually, I need to move close to Jesus because they're terrified of Jesus.

Everywhere books are sold, man. Amazon. Yeah. Amazon, all the things, Barnes and Nobles. You can go to jonathapacluta.com, which is obnoxious, but just a something that the, you know, publisher wants you to do when you write a book. And so all this, it's all there.

Everywhere books are sold, man. Amazon. Yeah. Amazon, all the things, Barnes and Nobles. You can go to jonathapacluta.com, which is obnoxious, but just a something that the, you know, publisher wants you to do when you write a book. And so all this, it's all there.

Thanks for giving me that waffle shirt and a double XL.

Thanks for giving me that waffle shirt and a double XL.

Come on.

Come on.

Yeah, love you guys.

Yeah, love you guys.

If you put a leaf under a microscope, you see these bricks of cells stacked on top of each other. If you look into space, I mean, one of the most beautiful things that I've seen are just the creations of God. The ocean, a beautiful river, a stream, a grassy field, a starry night. I'm a big sunset guy. Like our most beautiful paintings are knockoffs of God's original. So he cares about aesthetics.

If you put a leaf under a microscope, you see these bricks of cells stacked on top of each other. If you look into space, I mean, one of the most beautiful things that I've seen are just the creations of God. The ocean, a beautiful river, a stream, a grassy field, a starry night. I'm a big sunset guy. Like our most beautiful paintings are knockoffs of God's original. So he cares about aesthetics.

And he made us, he wired us in such a way that we would find different things attractive. We know that when Jacob saw Rachel, he's just like, whoa, there's something amazing about this woman. Now, here's what I want to say right here. That's descriptive, not prescriptive. So that's the Bible describing something that's happened, not prescribing it in that, hey, you must be attracted to. Because

And he made us, he wired us in such a way that we would find different things attractive. We know that when Jacob saw Rachel, he's just like, whoa, there's something amazing about this woman. Now, here's what I want to say right here. That's descriptive, not prescriptive. So that's the Bible describing something that's happened, not prescribing it in that, hey, you must be attracted to. Because

Proverbs 31, 30 says, charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. And so you do not need to feel bad for being attractive, but you do need to understand two things. One, it's highly overrated because it's a depreciating asset. And like you said, gravity is going to take its toll.

Proverbs 31, 30 says, charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. And so you do not need to feel bad for being attractive, but you do need to understand two things. One, it's highly overrated because it's a depreciating asset. And like you said, gravity is going to take its toll.

I ask stadiums full of people, hey, how many of you are attracted to an 85-year-old? And almost no one raises their hand. But by the grace of God, at some point, hopefully your spouse is going to be 85 years old. And you think, oh, yeah, but I'm married to them. It's like, listen, you're still going to find the 23-year-old attractive. Yeah. Okay.

I ask stadiums full of people, hey, how many of you are attracted to an 85-year-old? And almost no one raises their hand. But by the grace of God, at some point, hopefully your spouse is going to be 85 years old. And you think, oh, yeah, but I'm married to them. It's like, listen, you're still going to find the 23-year-old attractive. Yeah. Okay.

wrinkles, gravity, you know, all kinds of things happen in our bodies. As I age, I can just tell you, like, it's, I mean, I look at Monica and I's, my honeymoon pictures, and I'm just like, wow, we were, we really had it going on. And it's like, you know, now I'm middle-aged man, my hair's turning gray, and I don't like the gym as much as I once did. And so that happens for everybody.

wrinkles, gravity, you know, all kinds of things happen in our bodies. As I age, I can just tell you, like, it's, I mean, I look at Monica and I's, my honeymoon pictures, and I'm just like, wow, we were, we really had it going on. And it's like, you know, now I'm middle-aged man, my hair's turning gray, and I don't like the gym as much as I once did. And so that happens for everybody.

Dude, pumped to be here, man. Thanks for having me over.

Dude, pumped to be here, man. Thanks for having me over.

And we're so naive. We think, no, I'm always gonna stay hot. I'm gonna get Botox. No, that's weird. That's gonna be weird. At some point, we need to make aging a great thing again because the Proverbs says that we're to esteem it. But the other thing that I would say is we way overvalue physical attraction.

And we're so naive. We think, no, I'm always gonna stay hot. I'm gonna get Botox. No, that's weird. That's gonna be weird. At some point, we need to make aging a great thing again because the Proverbs says that we're to esteem it. But the other thing that I would say is we way overvalue physical attraction.

And so if you're looking for a spouse, I would say consider your hand because this is helpful to me. You want to make sure you're going the same direction, okay? That's the 2 Corinthians 6, 14, to not be unequally yoked. Okay, so we're going the same direction. We're both loving God. We're chasing hard after God.

And so if you're looking for a spouse, I would say consider your hand because this is helpful to me. You want to make sure you're going the same direction, okay? That's the 2 Corinthians 6, 14, to not be unequally yoked. Okay, so we're going the same direction. We're both loving God. We're chasing hard after God.

Two, this finger, this is something that you can communicate pretty dramatically with in a gesture in our culture. And so you can think about that as communication, okay? Do we communicate? Do we speak a common language? Do we understand each other? This finger, your ring finger, that's commitment. Are we committed? Are they in and out of relationships?

Two, this finger, this is something that you can communicate pretty dramatically with in a gesture in our culture. And so you can think about that as communication, okay? Do we communicate? Do we speak a common language? Do we understand each other? This finger, your ring finger, that's commitment. Are we committed? Are they in and out of relationships?

Absolutely. Thanks for introducing me to Moses.

Absolutely. Thanks for introducing me to Moses.

Are they dating a different girl on Tuesday than on Wednesday? Do they understand what commitment is? This, your opposable thumb, you gotta have your thumb to pick something up. Like without your thumb, these fingers aren't as helpful. So you have to have somebody that compliments you. That they're strong where you're weak. They're weak where you're strong. You guys together make a great team.

Are they dating a different girl on Tuesday than on Wednesday? Do they understand what commitment is? This, your opposable thumb, you gotta have your thumb to pick something up. Like without your thumb, these fingers aren't as helpful. So you have to have somebody that compliments you. That they're strong where you're weak. They're weak where you're strong. You guys together make a great team.

That's your thumb. And then your pinky, that's physical attraction. That's pink, that's chemistry. I would say this is the one that we put in first place. I'd say it has a place, it's just not first place. And in fact, if you gotta lose a finger, If I said, hey, right now, the only way you're going to live is if I get to take off a finger, that'd be weird.

That's your thumb. And then your pinky, that's physical attraction. That's pink, that's chemistry. I would say this is the one that we put in first place. I'd say it has a place, it's just not first place. And in fact, if you gotta lose a finger, If I said, hey, right now, the only way you're going to live is if I get to take off a finger, that'd be weird.

But if I did say that, you're probably going to say, go ahead and take the pinky. That's the one that's the least important of the five. And what we've done is we've taken that one in fifth place and we put it in first place.

But if I did say that, you're probably going to say, go ahead and take the pinky. That's the one that's the least important of the five. And what we've done is we've taken that one in fifth place and we put it in first place.

He likes licking your ears. Yeah, man. I just got attacked by a miniature golden doodle.

He likes licking your ears. Yeah, man. I just got attacked by a miniature golden doodle.

And the reason we've done that is because I think pornography, it's rewired our brains in such a way that that guys are trying to find the Mother Teresa missionary, you know, serves at her church, but looks like a porn star. And And I don't think we really understand how far porn has carried us and set us up for failure. That guys are discontent. They're afraid to commit. They're fearful.

And the reason we've done that is because I think pornography, it's rewired our brains in such a way that that guys are trying to find the Mother Teresa missionary, you know, serves at her church, but looks like a porn star. And And I don't think we really understand how far porn has carried us and set us up for failure. That guys are discontent. They're afraid to commit. They're fearful.

They're not asking girls out. They're hiding behind screens. And I think it's really created quite a pretty desperate dating landscape today.

They're not asking girls out. They're hiding behind screens. And I think it's really created quite a pretty desperate dating landscape today.

Praise God.

Praise God.

Which is actually selfish, not selfless. It's like, I'll ask people, what do you love? Before I do a wedding, sometimes I'll say, what do you love about them? And they'll say, I love the way he makes me feel. Well, that's about you. When biblical love is actually sacrificial love. John 21, Jesus says to Peter, do you love me? Do you agape me? And Peter says back, I do phileo you.

Which is actually selfish, not selfless. It's like, I'll ask people, what do you love? Before I do a wedding, sometimes I'll say, what do you love about them? And they'll say, I love the way he makes me feel. Well, that's about you. When biblical love is actually sacrificial love. John 21, Jesus says to Peter, do you love me? Do you agape me? And Peter says back, I do phileo you.

Maybe I have syrup in my ears or something. He was going to town.

Maybe I have syrup in my ears or something. He was going to town.

I do love you like a brother. And Jesus says, yeah, but do you love me sacrificially? And he says, hey, I do love you like a brother.

I do love you like a brother. And Jesus says, yeah, but do you love me sacrificially? And he says, hey, I do love you like a brother.

we're called in marriage to ephesians 5 lay our lives down for our wives everybody gets hung up on the submission yeah like wives submit to your husbands which the bible says multiple times first peter 3 ephesians 5 colossians 1 or colossians 3 uh so that wives are to submit to their husbands but it says husbands sacrifice your life for your wife that's a big as christ did the church i would argue a bigger deal you know yeah like if if a man is like hey i'm

we're called in marriage to ephesians 5 lay our lives down for our wives everybody gets hung up on the submission yeah like wives submit to your husbands which the bible says multiple times first peter 3 ephesians 5 colossians 1 or colossians 3 uh so that wives are to submit to their husbands but it says husbands sacrifice your life for your wife that's a big as christ did the church i would argue a bigger deal you know yeah like if if a man is like hey i'm

I'm gonna put your desires first at every turn. And so, yeah, I think what you're looking for is someone that you can love selflessly and be loved by them selflessly, not so much about what they make you feel.

I'm gonna put your desires first at every turn. And so, yeah, I think what you're looking for is someone that you can love selflessly and be loved by them selflessly, not so much about what they make you feel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's such a great question, brother. So I'm kind of a car guy. Like I like cars and I'm a gift guy. Like that's my love language is gifts. And so one day, this was before I was in ministry, my wife wanted like a Suburban. and again, this is when I was in corporate world and I was like, ma'am, I want to get her something really nice. And I found this Cadillac Escalade.

That's such a great question, brother. So I'm kind of a car guy. Like I like cars and I'm a gift guy. Like that's my love language is gifts. And so one day, this was before I was in ministry, my wife wanted like a Suburban. and again, this is when I was in corporate world and I was like, ma'am, I want to get her something really nice. And I found this Cadillac Escalade.

It's black, peanut butter interior is beautiful. And, um, And I gave it to her in this really creative way. I put it on the side of the road with a for sale sign. I knew she would see it and be like, oh, what about that? And I'd be like, oh, we can't afford that. And it's hers and all the things. And I had gotten a great price on it. And I got so caught up in the good deal.

It's black, peanut butter interior is beautiful. And, um, And I gave it to her in this really creative way. I put it on the side of the road with a for sale sign. I knew she would see it and be like, oh, what about that? And I'd be like, oh, we can't afford that. And it's hers and all the things. And I had gotten a great price on it. And I got so caught up in the good deal.

Like this is such a good deal that I didn't go slow in the terms. I didn't have my mechanic look at it or anything. I just like, man, I found a great deal. We can afford it. She's going to love it. I'm going to surprise her. So I gave her that, that Escalade.

Like this is such a good deal that I didn't go slow in the terms. I didn't have my mechanic look at it or anything. I just like, man, I found a great deal. We can afford it. She's going to love it. I'm going to surprise her. So I gave her that, that Escalade.

And I remember like the first time she was driving it, like something started rattling in the dash and then like the dash fell off and then something broke in the engine. And then we had to take it in and there was something wrong with the rear end and all this stuff started going wrong with this car. And, and it was just like one thing after the other.

And I remember like the first time she was driving it, like something started rattling in the dash and then like the dash fell off and then something broke in the engine. And then we had to take it in and there was something wrong with the rear end and all this stuff started going wrong with this car. And, and it was just like one thing after the other.

And so this deal all of a sudden was not a good deal. Like it was shiny. It was bright. It looked good. It was Escalade. It had the Cadillac symbol on it. It looked sharp. But man, something was really messed up with that car. And what I didn't do, Bryce, is I didn't check Carfax. I didn't check the vehicle history report. I didn't realize that it had been wrecked three times.

And so this deal all of a sudden was not a good deal. Like it was shiny. It was bright. It looked good. It was Escalade. It had the Cadillac symbol on it. It looked sharp. But man, something was really messed up with that car. And what I didn't do, Bryce, is I didn't check Carfax. I didn't check the vehicle history report. I didn't realize that it had been wrecked three times.

I didn't realize that it was involved in a flood. I didn't realize that it had seven owners. I didn't know all of these things that happened to this car, right? And so what I would say is when I was, I was, you know, in my day, they call it like a player. I was like such a player. Before I knew Jesus, I found so much identity in what the opposite sex thought of me.

And I memorized, this was my, it's so, it's embarrassing, but it was my game back in the day. It was like, I'd say, I was like, but softwood light through yonder window breaks. It is the East and Juliet is the sun. I could quote Shakespeare. That was the game I'd run, man. And you know how I knew that? Because I was in a play once upon a time where I learned it. And so I'm acting.

And a guy who really likes you can act. And a girl who really likes you can act. But what they cannot do is fake their reputation. So if you check the history report, if you're talking to exes, like if you really want to know if someone's good, if they're like, hey, you should talk to my ex-boyfriend. Like, let him tell you about me. You should talk to my ex-girlfriend. Let her tell you.

Like, if you find that person, then they're like, okay, they're dating in such a way that they're leaving people better than they found them. That's a God-honoring character trait. And so here, now I want to be careful because if Monica checked my history report, she's going to see a lot of carnage and a lot of baggage, a lot of brokenness. Like, my history was full of brokenness.

And so you wanna make sure that their repentance is more notorious than their rebellion. That everyone's like, oh man, she's changed. Yeah, she used to be a prostitute. But man, she's been following Jesus for a good two and a half years. She's discipling girls. She's sitting with them. And I use prostitute because it's a biblical word.

He used to be a pimp or he used to be a drug dealer or he used to be a terrible human being, a pornographer, a porn star, right? He used to be a porn star. But he's been following Jesus for two and a half years. He's being discipled. He's discipling guys. And so it's like I've bought vehicles to use that metaphor before. I bought vehicles with a salvage title.

Yeah.

I bought vehicles that were involved in big accidents or terrible wrecks or flooding or whatever it is. But I only buy them after they've been on the road for a length of time and been running well. And so when their repentance is as notorious as their rebellion, then I think, you know, they're dateable.

yeah so second corinthians 6 14 is where that comes from says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers and so sometimes people are like do we have to be the same level of spiritual maturity um do we have to both be calvinist or do we have to both be reformed or we have to both be arminian or do we have to both be baptist or methodist or catholic what what is that is that what that means and in the context of the scripture is really that a believer would um

Yeah, I think a bigger problem is that people are sitting in their brokenness, meaning I'm not healed from pornography. I'm continuing like a dog just vomit to give in to pornography. And I would say, man, you got to get well, you got to find freedom. Now, if you're in this place where you're just struggling to forgive yourself, I would say stop because God has forgiven you.

He says in 2 Corinthians 5, 19, he's no longer counting your sins against you. In Romans 8, 1, it says, therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ. And Malachi says that he delights to show you mercy. Like what God does for fun is he shows people mercy. It's what God does for fun. It's like what he enjoys doing. And so it seems that God loves, loves, loves people.

to write a story of redemption on people who've made really bad decisions. Genesis 50, 20, what the enemy's meant for evil, God uses for our good. Romans 8, 28, we know that in all things, God is working together for the good of those who love him, who've been called according to his purpose. And so God flips the script. He takes the bad and he uses it for good when we bring it to him.

We're like, hey, we need help. Can you take this? He'll use your story. He'll take your mess and make it your message and even your ministry if you'll let him. So don't sit in shame because that's Satan. Satan will use shame. You know, we talked about this, but I've been studying spiritual warfare for the past three years.

And one of the biggest tools that the enemy uses is shame to keep us in that. And so, man, I would say to guys, if you desire marriage, listen, guys, like lean in on this. If you're a man right now listening, you're of age to be married and you desire marriage, then I would say ask out the godliest woman you know. and shoot your shot and give it a chance.

And ladies, if a God-fearing man asks you out, give him a chance. Because I can't tell you how many marriages I've done, how many weddings I've done where the wife is telling me I was not at all attracted to him at first. but I got to know him and now he's the greatest thing. And I hear that all the time. So if a God-fearing man asks you out, give him a chance.

And men, ask out the godliest woman that you know, even if she's not your epitome of attraction, she's not what you thought. Give heart a chance. Because 1 Samuel 16 says, God says, hey, I do not look at the outward appearance. I look at the heart. Ladies ask me, I do a Friday Q&A every Friday. I answer questions on this. And ladies are like, hey, this super God-fearing man asked me out.

He's so great. He's an incredible leader. Everybody loves him and respects him, but I don't find him attractive. And I'm like, you don't find godliness attractive? You don't find leadership capabilities attractive? What do you find attractive?

And if it is only, well, six pack abs, six figure salary, pre-med, if it's only these things that Hollywood told you to find attractive, I would just make sure that it's the scripture that's informing what we find attractive and not Hollywood, which has the highest divorce rate on planet earth. Okay.

Like, isn't it ironic that the people who are the worst at marriage get to inform what we should look for in marriage? Whoa. Isn't that ironic? That's crazy. It's like, we got to hit reset on this thing, man. We got to go back to the basics and people are going to argue with this episode because I've been having these arguments for over a decade now.

And so you're going to argue with me in your head, but just, just consider what I'm saying prayerfully. Like you're looking for someone. Dating is the job interview. So what's the position? as a wife or a husband, a mother or a father to your children, consider what the position is and then consider what you're looking for.

Because I see people all the time marry someone who's super hot by the world's standards, but they make a miserable spouse and they get stuck in a miserable marriage. Then they become roommates. They married for what they thought was gonna be incredible sex. Nobody's having sex. They're not even sleeping in the same room. They are roommates or less than.

Most of the people can choose whoever they want on planet Earth, and most people choose incorrectly. And people argue with me, and I'm like, hey, what's the divorce rate? We can go really conservative and say 40%.

marry a believer the context or even do business with the believer i can tell you uh one time pre-ministry i had went in uh into business with somebody who was not a christian they were a good person they were a moral person but they were not a christian and it was going well until it wasn't and all of a sudden he stopped answering my phone calls and ran off with a bunch of money and i never heard from him again and i i thought about that scripture and then bryce i would just say

okay now if 40 of people are getting divorced so they're undoing their marriage there's this other large percentage of people who are staying married but they don't they don't they're not intimate they're they're just roommates so most people choose poorly and i would say be somebody who choose chooses correctly

yeah i mean in two words that i i people will say are outdated that's why we call that's why i called the book outdated because i was like there's so much confusion around this is i think of um biblical masculinity is god in the garden of eden saying hey i want you to bring order to this um you know there's chaos here i want you to begin to name the animals and i want you to care for them i want you to be fruitful and multiply

fill the earth and subdue it cultivate the land make beautiful things and so this is a a picture of biblical masculinity right there out of the gate um two words that i don't think are outdated just kind of protector and provider now that we can over index on these like you know can the wife be the breadwinner sure i mean like is that possible sure you're gonna have

if you marry Taylor Swift, you're going to have a really hard time outdoing her income. I imagine. Right. Yeah. And, uh, but, and, and, you know, as the protector, is there exceptions to that? If you marry, I don't know, Rhonda Rousey, like she, she may play the protector. I don't know, but yeah, she'd kill me with a name maker. Yeah.

But I'm just saying for most relationships, like if somebody kicks in the door at, at 3.00 AM, you know, and I'm like, Hey Monica, go see who that is. Like, people are gonna say, you're a terrible human being. Like, you need to get your butt out of bed and go and see who that is with a baseball bat, right? And so I think that's something to think through.

But the list, I like the hand, you know, the thing that I said. But I'll give you a verse. I really like this verse. And it's not a dating verse. I'll tell you why it's not a dating verse. That's important. Let's not end the conversation without talking why there's not a dating verse in the scripture. That's important. But a great verse is 1 Timothy 4.12.

And it says, do not let anyone look down on you because you're young. That's why I love being here. It's like you're 21. And my daughters, my kids look up to you. Their friends look up to you. And I want them to have a role model of someone who wants to give their life to telling other people about Jesus. Don't let anyone look down on you because because you're young. And then he tells us how.

But set an example for believers. OK, in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity. And he gives us five things to examine. What comes out of their mouth? What what do they say? Because Jesus tells us that what comes out of someone's mouth tells you what's in their heart. And so while you can't see someone's heart, the Bible says you can't see their heart by what comes out of their mouth.

So examine their speech, conduct, not what they do to you because they're interviewing for the job of your spouse and dating, but what do they do for someone who can do nothing for them in return? What do they do for the server? Like I've seen this about you, Bryce. We've had a few meals together. Like you are so attentive to the person serving us food. You're such a generous tipper.

You want to lead that person better than you found them. You want to positively impact them for the kingdom of God. That's the kind of person you want to marry. Someone who conducts themselves around strangers in a holy and honorable way. Speech, conduct, love. What do they love? How do they love? Faith. That's the 2 Corinthians 6.14 that we talked about. And then purity.

Are they radically committed to purity? If they say they love you, but their hand is going anywhere other than a ring box, Like, do they really love you? Or do they just want to use you? Do they just want something from you? And I think this is, we're hurting each other in the way that we date. So I really like that verse. Examine their speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity.

Set an example for believers.

Some of the most difficult situations I'm in pastorally, so I'm a pastor, so much of what I do is pastoral care, or you would say biblical counseling. And some of the most difficult situations I'm in are someone in a marriage

Yeah, let me go slow in this turn on this one, because I don't want to be misunderstood, and there's a lot of confusion out there on this topic. And so I wrote a book, Your Story Has a Villain, and that's kind of the reason behind studying spiritual warfare for three years.

And I really think there are some strongholds in our days, demonic activity, where there's so much confusion around what it means to be a man. I think men feel beat up. I think we haven't had great examples. A lot of us haven't had great examples of fathers. Some of us had absent dads. Some of us had bad dads. And so we're looking for those role models to follow. We've coped with pornography.

Pornography, it's not just a bad idea because it rewires your brain. It's not just a bad idea because it causes you to objectify women. It's not just a bad idea because addiction to pornography is not an addiction to sex. It's an addiction to variety. So to the porn addict, monogamy is very, very difficult. In fact, it's a systematic training, a university for adultery.

It's very difficult for the porn addict to go into marriage and only love one person. By the way, I'm speaking from experience as a porn addict for over a decade. And then I got married and I was like, oh, no, what did I do? And I had to go through recovery. I had to get well. And so I think for all of these reasons, it's just kind of stripped us of drive.

It's stripped us of ambition, any kind of kingdom, godly, holy ambition. And so we're really just left with, hey, how do we just...

get through life like how do we drift through life and i think that's that the enemy is has done that then i also think there's a movement right now that um that it's it's just riddled with confusion it's like hey um it's kind of a modern feminism that says hey anything you you can do i can do

And it speaks out of both sides of its mouth because it's like, like I said, if somebody kicks in the door at 2 a.m. and I'm like, hey, Monica, go see who that is. Well, then I'm the bad guy. But if I say that I need to be the guy that always goes to see who it is, then I'm also the bad guy. So there's just so much confusion there around roles and what does that look like?

where they were a Christian, but they married someone who wasn't a Christian, and they either didn't see that as important or they hoped that they would change post-marriage. You do not want to marry potential, meaning you don't want to marry someone hoping that they become someone else. That's a recipe for disaster. You want to marry them understanding their flaws,

I do, I am a, I guess like a soft complementarian to put a theological term on it. I do believe God made male and female different to play different roles. Now I'm not saying that a woman can't work outside the home, so that would be like a really hard complementarian stance. That's not where I'm at at all. I'm just like, look at me and my wife, and I look at most men and most women,

and i'm like they're different there are things that my wife is much better at than i am and those things are necessary and and they play a role in the raising of our children that is invaluable like there are so many things that she's better at than me and there are some things where i'm going to excel beyond her capabilities because of how god made me as a male and so i think that plays a role in marriage that we need to to consider

um so on the flip side from uh what women should look for in a man yeah what should the man be looking for in a godly woman in today's day and age yeah i think you're looking for um uh someone if the job is a great wife and a great mother to my kids then i would consider okay what are the qualities that would make someone a great wife and a great mother to my kids.

I think you have to think beyond the bedroom. If you have a really healthy sex life, you're having sex 0.6% of the time. That's if you're doing it a lot. 0.6% of the time. Which means you better be really great at a lot of the things you're gonna be doing 99.4% of the time. That's a lot of conversations. That's a lot of other things. And I just don't think dudes think about that.

I don't think dudes think about how her body's gonna change through pregnancy and giving birth to three children. I don't think a lot of dudes are thinking about how there's parts of her bodies that are gonna be off limits for long periods of time. And this is how porn has just really messed us up.

And so you're thinking through the character qualities of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness.

self-control Galatians 5 this is a great list to look for in a wife I wrote another book called outdated I mentioned earlier and there's actually I have a list in there of what to look for in a guy and what to look for in a girl to try to just you know spell that out but first Peter 3 is a great scripture Ephesians 5 you mentioned earlier is a great scripture Colossians 3

Proverbs 31, I know there's a lot of big eye roll moment for people. It's like, oh, Proverbs 31. But it is. It's great. King Lemuel. There's a good list of qualities that actually come from his mom there to consider.

Great question. Because dating is about 120 years old. Be ready to argue with me, listener. Prior to 120 years ago, no one in the history of the world ever went on a date. You don't have a single biblical example of a date. It was arranged marriage. Song of Solomon chapter 1 verse 4 says that their friends and family praised their love more than wine, which is to say they appreciated marriage.

uh the that god brought them together more than the party more than the open bar more than the the food that was served that they they came together and said hey this makes sense uh jesus says what god has brought together let man not separate uh there was there was this bringing together in that culture in a biblical culture there were times that you would meet your spouse at the altar like where does physical attraction fit into that narrative

Like meeting your spouse at the altar. Yeah. Right. And so I think that's you can see how far we've come in 2025 where we hold physical attraction and, you know, to the highest standard, you know, we put it in the first place. But dating, you ready for this? Dating entered the English language as a euphemism for prostitution.

understanding their fallen nature, understanding their wiring and their personality, and say, hey, they would be a great match for me. We complement each other well, and we're gonna do ministry together for the rest of our life. We're going to have children and raise those children to know God. We're gonna disciple our community, disciple in our home. And so we would make great partners.

a guy was talking on a radio show and he was talking about his his girlfriend and he said she started taking dates with other guys meaning she was sleeping with other men and that's where the word entered the english language dating okay as a euphemism for prostitution to go on a date

meant to exchange sexual favors for an experience now consider how we date in 2025 the world they exchange sexual experience sexual favors for an experience like show me a good time take me to a great dinner let's go on an incredible vacation and then let's get a great hotel room and and I'll show you a good time that's really how a lot of the world thinks about dating

And so I'm not trying to kiss it goodbye, but I do think we need to redeem it. And, and what dating needs to be for believers is a pathway to a promise. And so I would say, you know, you have a girlfriend. Yeah. I would say, what do you need to find out about her to determine if she would be a great wife?

think it's a very good question to consider for people who are dating is what do i need to find out about them to determine if they would be a suitable spouse what is the gap and then how do i intentionally find that out quickly and effectively because i'll be honest with you as someone who's been single as someone who's dated and someone who's been married

dating is the worst of the three singleness awesome you can go places do things you can leverage it for the kingdom first first corinthians 7 you know you're you're concerned about the affairs the kingdom paul writes that he's plagiarizing matthew 19 he says jesus says in matthew 19 there are some who are celibate for the sake of the kingdom not everyone who can accept it but those who can should

Like singleness is awesome. Marriage, amazing. You can sleep in the same bed. You can snuggle. You can have sex. You can be intimate. You can literally create life and children and raise those children to know God and sit at the breakfast table and make memories on family vacation. It's awesome. Singleness, awesome. Marriage, awesome. Dating, not so awesome.

It's like I gotta be around someone that I'm really attracted to, but I can't really touch them in a way that causes their body to begin to prepare for sex, because that wouldn't be loving, and so I'm trying to restrain this constantly, but I have these strong feelings for them, but there's all these baked in insecurities, because I don't know if they feel the same way about me all the time, and we just kind of go through these emotional highs and lows.

So I would try to get out of the dating phase as quickly and effectively as possible,

to say what do i need to know about this person to understand if they would be a suitable spouse so that we can get this show on the road or stop wasting each other's time because again this dating thing totally man-made didn't exist prior to 120 years ago totally our invention that is now a cultural phenomenon in america at least um of of how we we try to find a spouse

So really what a Christian marriage is, It's a strengthening of ministry. You're like looking for a ministry partner. And so if you marry a non-believer, so much of the ministry that you're doing is going to be to them. And it's a really hard life. And the scripture speaks specifically to this in 1 Peter 3.

Yeah, I think it is about the same thing. So courting was when you would really pursue a woman through her father. And so you would talk to her dad, you would spend time together in the living room. So a lot of times I think we play some word games as Christians, like courting, dating, you know, we just put some parameters around it.

But really with the invention of the automobile, like the car, because when you couldn't drive, it was just like if you wanted to see, you know, pursue a woman, you'd have to go to her house, you'd have to talk to her parents, and then you'd really spend time together there. It wasn't really in the backseat of the movies.

I mean, a lot of times you're sitting on the front porch where everyone could look in on that relationship. There was an authenticity and a transparency to it. But that's all gone away because now we're, And then with the birth of technology, even, a lot of dating happens through FaceTime and Tinder and whatnot.

Yeah.

Sure.

You can't determine obedience by the outcome. So I, I don't always like as Christians to go to use others as examples. I just, I think about the biblical texts and how does the scripture inform our behavior here? And so Monica and I dated for three years. Uh, we got married. Um, it was great for a year. It was really hard year two.

We almost got divorced and then community came in our lives and we have an amazing marriage. We're over, over 20 years now, three kids. And I would say we dated too long. I don't think that our biology was made and designed to spend time with someone that we really, really like and we're physically attracted to. I mean, we're basically just restraining our bodies in ways that we weren't meant to.

And then you get married and you stand in front of your friends and family and you're like, for rich or poor, sickness and health, till death do us part, I do. And now you're like, you have to tell your body, but hey, all that stuff I've been telling you, no, no, no, no, no, now it's okay. And some people really struggle with the flipping of that switch.

It says, you know, if your husband is not a believer, to try to win him over with your good deeds in the way that you love him and care for him and serve him, that's a tough life, man. That's really challenging that they would see grace through your acts of service toward them. That's really challenging.

And so I'm just not like the biggest fan of the way that we date today. Um, I'm much, I'm a much bigger fan of like short dating, but the problem with that is a lot of people don't have the maturity that is required for marriage.

And so I, I, I like literally didn't have this thought till right now, but I'm so passionate about this that I've invested in, uh, um, a matchmaking site, qualified date.com. And so shout out, I didn't come on here to talk about that. It didn't even cross my mind till right now. No, no.

Yeah.

Yeah. So so lit. Yeah. So it's it's it's like and people are like, oh, you know, you're a pastor. You're trying to get rich. Listen, I've made zero dollars on this zero and won't for a very, very long time, possibly ever. It is a passion project because I look at the landscape of the world and I'm just like, man, we are doing this so wrong and people are so unhappy.

And I think if we prioritize the things that God prioritized, that we would be set up for much more success. And they say, well, how do you know? Listen, I've done lots of marriages before. I served in, and I mean this with humility, but the largest young adult ministry in America at least. And what that meant is maybe I've done more weddings as anyone my age or as many have.

I've done a lot of weddings. I don't know how to say that.

so I've seen the ones that work I've seen the relationships that work I've seen the ones that don't I see what people are doing so that's the experience I'm bringing to the table I don't have a dog in the fight I'm not trying to like rock your world or mess you up I want anyone listening to be healthy and happy and have a thriving relationship with Jesus first and

And then if they desire marriage, a thriving marriage. And if you don't want marriage, a thriving single life. Like you can be an amazing follower of Jesus and single. It's not Lesser Than, it's not JV. It's awesome. Jesus was single, Paul was single. But if you desire marriage, I want you to find marriage in a way that's God honoring. And that's why we did that website.

Yeah, yeah, soulmate.

It's fascinating. Soulmate comes from Greek mythology. And it was this belief that Zeus had cut people in half. And that literally like half your soul is around there and you have to find them. And it's a rather hopeless idea to... Because you're like trying to find the needle in the haystack amongst 8 billion people in the world. Like you've got to find that one person.

And I would say that a biblical perspective on this is that you could be really happy with hundreds of thousands of people of the opposite sex.

that were born in some window around when you were, and you loved Jesus and they loved Jesus, and together, y'all could be a great ministry partner, and really learn to enjoy each other, and really learn to serve each other, and really learn to sacrifice for each other.

And so I would say that you should be someone who's radically pursuing Jesus and find someone who is radically pursuing Jesus. I did a podcast recently and they were like, yeah, but that doesn't give people who aren't radically pursuing Jesus a lot of hope. I'm like, Jesus is our hope. The good news is The difference of someone who's not radically pursuing Jesus and someone who is, is a decision.

and it's such an unpopular perspective because people we we so idolize feelings emotions and physical attraction but watch there's a lot of people that put the feelings emotions physical attraction and chemistry in first place and and they marry and it's really hot and heavy and then they divorce like the bachelor and the bachelorette the tv show

has done us such a great service here because we can see that they have created chemistry. They've put beautiful people in a room. And you get to choose from lots of them. And we have very few weddings from that show. Okay, so my friend Sean Lowe and Catherine, who are believers, and I think it's the Holy Spirit that holds them together, not the show.

And I know that there's been at least one other and maybe a couple more weddings But but for the most part, it's an epic failure in creating a marriage. Epic. Hear me. Quote me. Epic failure in creating a marriage because they prioritize the wrong things. They prioritize the things that the world prioritize. And that's why it's not working out.

yeah so do you think it's wrong though to have like a perspective of like oh this person kind of like completes me yeah i think like or not maybe not complete like oh like they're my missing rib yeah yeah i do i i think it's uh i think this type of person goes really well with me and the argument uh against that theologically would be the sovereignty of god was like but god if god knows everything then god knows who i'm going to end up with which means god created somebody for me to find and i would say god has zero expectations that you would be god

and that you would know what god knows and so god gives you parameters to look for and for the most of history people determined that for you on your behalf like you did not get to speak into who you married for most of history and especially when the bible was written that was true and so for me to think like listen i'm six foot seven i'm weird tall Like LeBron James. I'm weird tall.

My wife is 5'2". I've got dark hair. She has blonde hair. I like guns, motorcycles, and the UFC. She likes babies and puppies. We couldn't be more different, man. I'm an extrovert, go, go, go. She's an introvert. I love vacation. I love big dates at nice restaurants. She loves simple food and game nights in the living room.

We are opposites in so many ways, and that has been a force to be reckoned with because we complement each other so well. if we shared a lot of interest, that could be great too. But I don't think, having been married 20 years, that God made her and me at the same time so that we would only be each other's match. I'll say it like this, Bryce.

Is there someone that Monica could be happier with out there? And the answer is absolutely yes. Is there someone I could be happier with out there? The answer is absolutely yes, but it doesn't matter because we said I do to each other. So we are in a covenant relationship together before God, the creator of the heavens, the earth.

So we will love each other until we both die, regardless of what happens in outdated. I wrote about this couple that they got married and four days in on the honeymoon. She gets a wave, crashes her up against a rock, and she's now a quadriplegic. Now that dude's lot in life is changing her diaper for the rest of the, like, that's like, he, he, is that what he signed up for?

Because the world's going to say, oh, you can, you can let him, you know, you can get out of that. You know, you should be happy, get her a good nurse, whatever. No man, for the rest of his life, he's taking care of her because four days into the honeymoon, she was crashed against a rock and she's now a quadriplegic. And I think it's a beautiful example of Christ.

It's like right now, you can be hearing this and saying, okay, you know what, I wanna turn my life around. I wanna start running hard after God. I believe there's a God. I believe 2,025 years ago, there was a carpenter born in Bethlehem, a town that you would have never heard of except he was born there. He lived in Nazareth, a city that you would have never known about except he lived there.

Straight up.

You got a whole book of the Bible on that. Hey, I want you to love this woman who's paying other dudes to have sex with her.

That's how God loves us.

You mean physical boundaries?

Yeah. I don't either. Yeah.

Not necessarily about the prayer thing, but like, here's why I think it is legalistic is because I cannot think of a verse that So it's a wisdom principle potentially for some. And so if you said, hey, I don't pray with Maddie because it does something to my heart, doesn't guard her heart, Proverbs 4.23, I'd say, man, that's an amazing wisdom principle for you.

But if you said no one should, I would say that's legalism because the Bible doesn't say that. What the Bible says is flee sexual immorality. All other sin a person commits are outside the body. Whoever sins sexually sins against their own body. Do not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. who is in you, whom you've received from God. You're not your own. You've been bought by price.

Therefore, honor God with your body. This is 1 Corinthians 6, 18 through 20. And so what I would say, what I believe the scripture is teaching is,

that when we when our bodies begin to prepare for sex we've gone too far and so we were like hey can I can we kiss I'm like what depends on how you kiss like are you are you like tongue kiss your French kissing like laying down rubbing petting it's like cuz that's unloving man you are revving up that engine and then you're pulling the brake

and then you're leaving and like that's good it's it's painful yeah it's it's unloving it's not kind it's not a kindness to them and you say you love them you say you like them but then you hurt them like what kind of person does that you know and so i don't say that to shame you i'm just like i'm asking i'm genuinely asking the question i was that kind of person by the way so i'm uh it's not judgment it's like man just think about how unwise that is

And so if I apply first Corinthians six, then I'm just thinking, Hey, if, when, when my bio biology begins to say, okay, Hey, it's like the way that God made me is brilliant design. You know, the way that God made us to literally create life is like when my body begins to prepare to create life, like I've gone too far. Likewise with, with a female.

And every atheist, you know, acknowledges him by the date on their iPhones because this carpenter born in Bethlehem reset time. And you say, if that's true, if he died and he showed back up, then what else am I going to do with my life? But chase hard after him and know him and make him known.

Because we idolize pleasure and sex feels good in most cases. And it's the highest high we can get apart from drugs. And so the dopamine levels and the endorphins that are released during orgasm are among the highest that you can realize naturally. Your body can release endorphins on a run. You call it runner's high. or during a workout or when you get really great news, that kind of things.

But the serotonin levels, the endorphin levels that are released during intimacy are the highest that you can naturally experience. And we're constantly, it's the same reason, it's like why does anybody do crystal meth? Like have you seen? It seems like people get really stuck doing crystal meth. It must feel really good because then they can't not do it.

Well it's the same, it's true with sex outside of marriage. On an erotic scale of 1 to 10, sex outside of marriage is an 11. Now, people who have saved themselves are like, well, wait, what am I missing out on? And I'm like, you're missing out on something really addictive. You know what else would be a high erotic scale? Sex with your neighbor or spouse. It's because there's a danger factor.

So life isn't about let me go and try to experience the most amount of pleasure I can. Life is really about restraint and learning to enjoy the pursuit of holiness. a nearness to God. That's what's lost, I think, in our culture today. He says, be holy because I am holy. And so what does it look like for me to be sanctified?

1 Thessalonians 4, this is God's will for you, that you would be sanctified, that you would avoid sexual immorality. He says, you want to know the will of God, that you would grow in godliness and that you would avoid sexual immorality. That's what he says.

This is God's will for you.

Yeah, man. So it's like the Hebrew word dode, this mingling of souls. Matt Chandler writes about this.

it's it's it's so different than what you think as a single person i'll just say speak first person very different than what i thought of as a single person selfless service so as as a like we often when we think about intimacy we think what can i get what pleasure can i experience but it's really an act of giving

you know how can I how can I serve my lover and and make sure that she is cared for and she feels safe and protected and um and and uh you know I'm gentle and I'm not trying to be weird now I know that people are going to take that out of context and make a meme about me but

i wasn't trying to be weird either asking it but i know people at people genuinely are like yeah giving likes like selflessness uh i always tell like single friends i'm like don't live alone like if you desire marriage don't live alone because idiosyncrasies grow in isolation and um and marriage is really a long act of selflessly serving somebody for the rest of your life

And it's beautiful and it's great and it's awesome. Um, and it, but it's hard and it's work and, um, and there's some real challenges there. And so one of the best ways to prepare for marriage is have roommates, dysfunctional roommates that don't do the dishes, you know, those kinds of roommates that will prepare you for marriage.

Sure. And how? Yeah, I think when you have no regard for your spouse's safety, when you try to bring in images outside the marriage, and so some people are like, oh, well, we'll look at porn together. It's like that is... That is so sinful and evil and Satan receives it as worship. Satan receives pornography as worship. You can quote me on that. Yeah, I don't mean to be prideful when I say that.

I've been so personally hurt by pornography. I brought so much pain on myself and others with that that I think the enemy is glorified in it. If you push your spouse to do something that they're not comfortable doing, it's not a sales pitch. It's a time of serving them and caring for them. And that's really what I mean.

I think so often there's so many husbands that wanna live out all their pornographic fantasies in marriage and that's not what it's about. It's about serving your spouse.

If that makes sense. What do you mean by power?

Yeah, I would just say, if you're not a follower of Jesus, I'm not here to give you dating lessons. Find Jesus and pursue Him. Figure out if He's true. I'm not looking to change your behavior, but to influence your belief. If you are a follower of Jesus, I think what dating looks like is really a sweet friendship of a guy and a man and a woman saying, hey, let's pursue Christ together.

Tommy Nelson talks about it like you're running a race. And it's like, man, I'm just pursuing Jesus. I'm running hard after Jesus. I'm running for Jesus. I'm going on this mission trip. I'm serving at my church. I'm I'm going to church on Sundays. I'm going to recovery night, discipleship night. I'm serving, I'm doing these things.

And as I'm running this race, I look beside me and I notice that, man, there's this woman beside me often as I'm running this race. She's running hard after Jesus too. And at some point, I'm like, hey, do you want to continue to run with me? You want to keep running this race together for the rest of our lives? You do? Okay, great. And I think that's dating into marriage.

What it looks like is you're just, you're the greatest lover of your soul is Jesus Christ. You're pursuing him and you guys are pursuing him together. And when you realize like, Hey, I like pursuing this guy. You like pursuing this guy. Let's pursue this guy together. That that's, that's what dating looks like. And so if we learn from Hollywood, it's like, Oh my gosh, you're amazing. You're hot.

You're so attractive. I can't stop thinking about you. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. and it's all of that, and you just give your heart away, and then you break up, and then you're, like the average breakup is like going through divorce today.

It's like the way that we date, we're like so emotionally invested, and then we have to undo that and rip a heart away from them, you know, and it's like our hearts weren't made for that, man. Like no wonder anxiety's so high, no wonder depression's so high. Our hearts weren't made to, like our hearts were really made to be given away once, right?

Like ink blotches on your arms.

And then and then and then maybe we experience grief through death and then maybe remarriage. But our hearts were not made to be given away over and over and over again. So we have to consider our biological makeup, like how God, the creator of the heavens, the earth designed us and literally like how he made us. And so that's why I'm just not a big fan of dating like you're married.

I'm a fan of dating to get married quickly and efficiently and effectively as possible.

Yeah, I was raised Catholic. I didn't go to church in college. And I would say I became a Christian 22 years ago when I was at a club and someone invited me to church and I went hungover and smelled like smoke from the night before and surrendered my life to Jesus. That's the short version. But I began to explore world religions.

I looked at the Hindu faith, the Buddhist faith, the Jewish faith, the Islamic faith. Mormons, Jehovah's Witness, Church of Christian Science, Scientology, and I kept tripping over Jesus. And when I realized that the Christian narrative was true, that Jesus died for my sins, and God raised him from the dead, and I placed my faith in that, I didn't give enough thought to this idea of the enemy.

And it's like when I was in L.A. not long ago, there were these fires, you know, the L.A. fires. It was so weird to me that there were these firemen like giving their lives to fight these fires and trying to like save people and houses and animals and all the things.

meanwhile like so much of LA was just going on like normal like I mean they were like I saw a dude on Venice Beach getting a massage you know other people were skateboarding I'm like dude there's a fire right there and I think we think about spiritual warfare like that like oh yeah there's angels and demons fighting all around us but until it impacts me until it impacts my house I'm not even concerned about it until I have to step into the war but the reality is you're in the war right now whether you realize it or not

The enemy is fighting you. You have demons around you. Like one third of the angelic realm fell with Satan. And those fallen angels, they're trying to keep you out of right relationship with God. This is why your quiet time is hard. This is why the Bible doesn't make sense when you read it. This is why when you pray, you feel like you're just talking to the air and that God feels far.

it's all a part of the spiritual war. This is why you're so tempted in dating to go farther than you should. It's like dating without the intentions of marriage, are like shopping without money. You either take something that doesn't belong to you or you leave frustrated. You either leave frustrated or you take something that doesn't belong to you.

No, of course not. And so God... You know, God's a creative God. One of the first things that he does, or the first thing that he does is create. The first thing that we see in the scriptures. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. So he's creative. He cares about aesthetics. We see that in nature.

And that's why I'm like, that's where the enemy works. And so Your Story Has a Villain is just really about that, your story, your narrative here on earth. You have an enemy. He hates you, and he's not afraid of you. But he's terrified of Jesus. So you want to be close to Jesus. Psalm 23, you know, the Lord is my shepherd. The pronouns change in that psalm.

I don't know if you've ever noticed that. But he says, the Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me lie down in great pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. For his name's sake. For even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear for you.

are with me your rod and your staff they come for me in the valley of the shadow of death the sheep draw near to the shepherd because the shepherd is their protection and so that's the solution satan's not afraid of you satan's never been anywhere near you by the way he's not omnipresent he can only be in one place at one time demons have been around you but satan doesn't even know who who we are you know he's he's in somewhere with kings and rulers and

genocide and wars and whatnot. But so if I'm being attacked spiritually, I need to move close to Jesus because they're terrified of Jesus.

Everywhere books are sold, man. Amazon. Yeah. Amazon, all the things, Barnes and Nobles. You can go to jonathapacluta.com, which is obnoxious, but just a something that the, you know, publisher wants you to do when you write a book. And so all this, it's all there.

Thanks for giving me that waffle shirt and a double XL.

Come on.

Yeah, love you guys.

If you put a leaf under a microscope, you see these bricks of cells stacked on top of each other. If you look into space, I mean, one of the most beautiful things that I've seen are just the creations of God. The ocean, a beautiful river, a stream, a grassy field, a starry night. I'm a big sunset guy. Like our most beautiful paintings are knockoffs of God's original. So he cares about aesthetics.

And he made us, he wired us in such a way that we would find different things attractive. We know that when Jacob saw Rachel, he's just like, whoa, there's something amazing about this woman. Now, here's what I want to say right here. That's descriptive, not prescriptive. So that's the Bible describing something that's happened, not prescribing it in that, hey, you must be attracted to. Because

Proverbs 31, 30 says, charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. And so you do not need to feel bad for being attractive, but you do need to understand two things. One, it's highly overrated because it's a depreciating asset. And like you said, gravity is going to take its toll.

I ask stadiums full of people, hey, how many of you are attracted to an 85-year-old? And almost no one raises their hand. But by the grace of God, at some point, hopefully your spouse is going to be 85 years old. And you think, oh, yeah, but I'm married to them. It's like, listen, you're still going to find the 23-year-old attractive. Yeah. Okay.

wrinkles, gravity, you know, all kinds of things happen in our bodies. As I age, I can just tell you, like, it's, I mean, I look at Monica and I's, my honeymoon pictures, and I'm just like, wow, we were, we really had it going on. And it's like, you know, now I'm middle-aged man, my hair's turning gray, and I don't like the gym as much as I once did. And so that happens for everybody.

Dude, pumped to be here, man. Thanks for having me over.

And we're so naive. We think, no, I'm always gonna stay hot. I'm gonna get Botox. No, that's weird. That's gonna be weird. At some point, we need to make aging a great thing again because the Proverbs says that we're to esteem it. But the other thing that I would say is we way overvalue physical attraction.

And so if you're looking for a spouse, I would say consider your hand because this is helpful to me. You want to make sure you're going the same direction, okay? That's the 2 Corinthians 6, 14, to not be unequally yoked. Okay, so we're going the same direction. We're both loving God. We're chasing hard after God.

Two, this finger, this is something that you can communicate pretty dramatically with in a gesture in our culture. And so you can think about that as communication, okay? Do we communicate? Do we speak a common language? Do we understand each other? This finger, your ring finger, that's commitment. Are we committed? Are they in and out of relationships?

Absolutely. Thanks for introducing me to Moses.

Are they dating a different girl on Tuesday than on Wednesday? Do they understand what commitment is? This, your opposable thumb, you gotta have your thumb to pick something up. Like without your thumb, these fingers aren't as helpful. So you have to have somebody that compliments you. That they're strong where you're weak. They're weak where you're strong. You guys together make a great team.

That's your thumb. And then your pinky, that's physical attraction. That's pink, that's chemistry. I would say this is the one that we put in first place. I'd say it has a place, it's just not first place. And in fact, if you gotta lose a finger, If I said, hey, right now, the only way you're going to live is if I get to take off a finger, that'd be weird.

But if I did say that, you're probably going to say, go ahead and take the pinky. That's the one that's the least important of the five. And what we've done is we've taken that one in fifth place and we put it in first place.

He likes licking your ears. Yeah, man. I just got attacked by a miniature golden doodle.

And the reason we've done that is because I think pornography, it's rewired our brains in such a way that that guys are trying to find the Mother Teresa missionary, you know, serves at her church, but looks like a porn star. And And I don't think we really understand how far porn has carried us and set us up for failure. That guys are discontent. They're afraid to commit. They're fearful.

They're not asking girls out. They're hiding behind screens. And I think it's really created quite a pretty desperate dating landscape today.

Praise God.

Which is actually selfish, not selfless. It's like, I'll ask people, what do you love? Before I do a wedding, sometimes I'll say, what do you love about them? And they'll say, I love the way he makes me feel. Well, that's about you. When biblical love is actually sacrificial love. John 21, Jesus says to Peter, do you love me? Do you agape me? And Peter says back, I do phileo you.

Maybe I have syrup in my ears or something. He was going to town.

I do love you like a brother. And Jesus says, yeah, but do you love me sacrificially? And he says, hey, I do love you like a brother.

we're called in marriage to ephesians 5 lay our lives down for our wives everybody gets hung up on the submission yeah like wives submit to your husbands which the bible says multiple times first peter 3 ephesians 5 colossians 1 or colossians 3 uh so that wives are to submit to their husbands but it says husbands sacrifice your life for your wife that's a big as christ did the church i would argue a bigger deal you know yeah like if if a man is like hey i'm

I'm gonna put your desires first at every turn. And so, yeah, I think what you're looking for is someone that you can love selflessly and be loved by them selflessly, not so much about what they make you feel.

Yeah.

That's such a great question, brother. So I'm kind of a car guy. Like I like cars and I'm a gift guy. Like that's my love language is gifts. And so one day, this was before I was in ministry, my wife wanted like a Suburban. and again, this is when I was in corporate world and I was like, ma'am, I want to get her something really nice. And I found this Cadillac Escalade.

It's black, peanut butter interior is beautiful. And, um, And I gave it to her in this really creative way. I put it on the side of the road with a for sale sign. I knew she would see it and be like, oh, what about that? And I'd be like, oh, we can't afford that. And it's hers and all the things. And I had gotten a great price on it. And I got so caught up in the good deal.

Like this is such a good deal that I didn't go slow in the terms. I didn't have my mechanic look at it or anything. I just like, man, I found a great deal. We can afford it. She's going to love it. I'm going to surprise her. So I gave her that, that Escalade.

And I remember like the first time she was driving it, like something started rattling in the dash and then like the dash fell off and then something broke in the engine. And then we had to take it in and there was something wrong with the rear end and all this stuff started going wrong with this car. And, and it was just like one thing after the other.

And so this deal all of a sudden was not a good deal. Like it was shiny. It was bright. It looked good. It was Escalade. It had the Cadillac symbol on it. It looked sharp. But man, something was really messed up with that car. And what I didn't do, Bryce, is I didn't check Carfax. I didn't check the vehicle history report. I didn't realize that it had been wrecked three times.