Joe List
Appearances
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
His Jewish hair looks like horns. It's not good. It looks like it was drawn by a Nazi artist. Oh, yeah. Oh. Is that him? That's him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
How about Alan? Did you watch Alan with Colin Quinn? I saw that. I love Alan. Me too. He's 78, though. I thought he was 73.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I think I do a better Alan than soda. You got to assert.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I don't anymore. The whole game. I did for a long time. I love Alan. Falling out? You pulled out? Yeah, I think I'm good for now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
He looks exactly like... He looks exactly like, what's his toes in old school, at the beginning, the director. Todd Phillips. Todd Phillips. He looks just like Todd Phillips in the I'm Here for the Gangbang scene. That's right. I mean, that's like dead on. Oh, JFL. I heard JFL's coming back with different ownership.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I got you. We're just watching. It's crazy that you guys watch TV.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Are you enjoying it? Parenthood. Having a kid? Yeah. Oh, I'm enjoying it the most right now. This is ideal.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I think I went to the DMV. I think I did the really shitty one.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Right. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was pretty rough. And also because the beginning, the baby can't see and he doesn't know or she, they don't know who you are. Sure. And so any one of us could just go in there. So there's not even like, yeah, this guy. Right. So they don't even, they're not even reciprocating.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You get nothing. And then they're up, you're up all night and they're crying and it's not fun. No, it's a nightmare. Oops, sorry.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, I went to a place, like the pre-check place. And it was fine. It was easy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You bomb a corporate gig, you're like, fuck these people, I'm never going to see them again. It's a corporate gig. And you got a chick. Right.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
But there's sweet moments. But it was tough. And then trying to go DuPont. It was tough. But now it's like amazing. It's the best. It's wonderful.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, now like last night I ran home like Cusack to get home before we went to bed and I like opened the door and he was like, what?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
But you get those people that when the baby goes to bed, they crack a beer and all that stuff.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Sure, sure. And also, it's hard to do. Now, like last week, I've been on the road a bunch. When I come home, I had no spots all week, like Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. And I was like, this is how I want to live my life now. Because you spend the whole day with the baby. It ends. You're like, great. I'm going to watch the Sox or whatever. Yeah, yeah. You become a homebody.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, now there's the other one. I don't even want to mention it because I want the line to stay short. But you know about...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It's like darts, you just throw them at the wall. Yeah. Even Lincoln lost like so many kids. Really? Go back to like the 1800s, yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Wow, honest Abe. Yeah. Or like farm accidents.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, bleep that. You gotta bleep that. Well, we keep giving more. You got the fingerprint, the iris. It's gonna keep... There's gonna be a new thing in the year. I don't care. I gotta tell you. Yeah, my balls.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Now we're plowing the kids. Hello, folks. Not us.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
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We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
And the beard hedger comes with 20 different length options for maximum personalization. These are great. And look, I trim my balls down there out of respect for the community and for my partner. and it's just good. You don't want to be in a swimsuit, the hair's busting out, your kids are like, what the fuck are your kids? Any kids. I don't know why there's so many kids in this scenario.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
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We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
No more juggling multiple tools or dealing with subpar results. Just efficient, effective grooming wherever you need it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I'm a bad... Dip your balls in the little thing. I don't care about it. The government... I've always been like this, even going back to George W. Bush. I've always been a bad liberal... That's a bad word now. That's like the N-word, the liberal. But whatever, a bad...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
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We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
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We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
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We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, I think it's all right. But I think, yeah, I think it's more, yeah. Probably not intercourse so much. I thought there was a dog. I didn't even realize there was like a living creature right there. Oh, yeah. It's hilarious.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
She will not like it. But no, it's great. It's awesome. It's fun. And then you miss, you have somebody to miss, you know, because I don't miss Sarah, but I miss the baby. Sure, sure.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
leaning left person because ever since day one i'm like read my emails listen to my phone calls watch this fuck i don't care if i can get on the airport faster i don't care if you read my text i feel bad for you yeah because it's just a lot of a lot of dark horse shit let the government read all my shit we're putting it all out anyway you got the phone you gotta find my iphone they know where we are they know what gay club you're at whatever tiktok knows who you are to a t
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. So can I say this? And this is why you'll do it is it's also like a natural, you know, because we're uncomfortable socially with strangers. So it's a natural progression of like.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
oh don't you have a baby oh yeah oh you want to see it like it gives you it's not like i want to show people my baby right it's just like the natural thing of like oh this is what you say next it goes to the conversation it's the same as being like boy it's been really hot lately like i don't actually give a shit to say it's hot out sure it's a small talk being polite yeah it just gives you photo of their baby and you're like i don't care yeah right right give a shit about your baby
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. But also, I'm the guy now that I always hated where I'm going to watch a movie and I'm like, ooh, a new crime doc. It's like, ah, it's a child abduction. Ah, I don't want to watch that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, you got to like, ah. But Manchester by the Sea is still my favorite film.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I don't go to strip clubs, you idiot. Me neither. Another word from Factor. No, I don't. I mean, I haven't been to a strip club in a long time. I like porn. I'm not saying strip. It could be anything.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
No. You don't really watch porn either. I kind of think that. You're watching child porn. You're like, this could be. No, but when the hot women walk by and I stare at their ass as they pass, I'm not like, ah, you idiot. That was a baby. Okay. I'm like, no, I want to come on that butt. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
No, now when a baby walks by, I'm like, nope, not as cute as ours. Okay. Not as cute as ours. That's horse shit. I cannot wait to see how much cuter my baby is than yours.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Plus, we get the reaction. Everyone's like, oh my God, it's like a Gerber baby.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. Fantastic baby. Oh, let's pull up some real logos.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh! Oh, my God. That one four in from the left is the thing from Star Wars.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, some of these are early, too. Early, early. Some of them just look. Go to the top left. That one's second. Yeah, that one just kind of looks like Ed Harris. Right. That's not that bad. He just looks like an older baby. Yeah. It also takes time.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, wow. Look at that. Well, that's a shame, because we would decide we're not going to put the baby online. He's a private being. That's an adorable baby. That's a good-looking kid.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, yeah. China. There were the COVID people who were like, I don't want the government, because they were knocking on doors for people to get the vaccine. They're like, I don't want to get the vaccine. And so they know where I am. It's like, they knocked on your door. They found you. They got you already. Right.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, that baby looks like an adult baby, though. He looks like he runs a law firm or something.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
But you have this thing where you're like, we're not putting the baby online, and then he comes out so goddamn adorable that you're like, I could really blow up my shit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, it's actually just weird. Then you can recognize people's children.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
They really are. Well, also, you talk about this all the time. When you go to Houston, you're like, oh, there's these two kids.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, you could really walk up and be like, hey, Pete, I know how you play Little League and you won your game two weeks ago.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I know how much you love candy, too, if you want to hop in real quick. Right, exactly.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Hey, your mom puts a shoe in your dad's butt. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Here we are on opposite sides of the couch the way we like it. Right. Couples therapy, how is everything?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, it's weird. We're going to have parent-teacher conferences and they're going to be like, oh, you don't shave your pussy that often.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Right. The principal's like, were you on Comptown? Yeah, exactly.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, so that's a little weird. Yeah, that is weird. Not to mention the amount of... Bad boy words with you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, yeah. It would be a kid's bar mitzvah. I'm a big fan of Legion of Skanks. The rabbi loves it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, we have that right now. Like, we're going down to the Cape, and my nephew is like, can I bring my girlfriend? We rented a house. And I'm like, yeah, sure. They're like 15. But then you're like, if this... girls' parents do a quick Google search. It's just me on our podcast being like, all right, fuck it, kid. We'll see you next week. And they're like, what is this? That's true.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
But yeah, in my defense, we have a baby. And when we would fly, because I had clear and pre-check, I would take the baby.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, Sarah's mother is like, you know, quite sophisticated. She's like an intellectual British woman. Like, I would never talk about fucking Sarah. Of course. It's weird to have her come to a show and I'm like, yeah, in order to get my wife to come, I got to stick a thumb in her asshole.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
And she's like, what? No, I don't think so. And we have a thing if she watched on YouTube, it's like, at least you're removed from it or whatever. Yeah. But just live and then seeing her after.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It's like, well, we all have different versions of ourselves. Like, I'm not showing that side of me to a 72-year-old British intellectual.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I tell this story, I tried to do it on stage, but one time I was at Starbucks and my app wasn't working and I was like, oh, sorry, my app's being shitty. And the woman was like, I was like, oh, so I just, I hang out with fucking animals.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
But saying in a work environment. She makes that face. Now you're being. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, that's what's weird, too, about clips sometimes. Like we have a company that will do clips for our podcast and they're like, let's throw this out there. And it's like, I'd rather come in a woman's face than have a man come in my face or whatever. And then you're like, well...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
My, like, sister-in-law and niece and aunt aren't listening to an hour of us talk, but, like, Instagram, that'll pop up. I know. And I'm like, now I got my sister-in-law and brother-in-law being like, huh, I guess he likes man jizz in his face or whatever.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It's so true, though. It's the worst fucking part, and that's how they wrote you in.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, that's ultimately the problem with the world we're living in. And this happens also every once in a while when like, I think Tracy Morgan got in trouble years ago. People say something in a comedy club or Louis, and then it gets taken out, and you're like, but that wasn't for everybody. That was for the people in this room. It's the same with the podcast.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I'm like, this is for this group of people listening. If you take this out and put it over in that other world, we look like psychopaths. That's crazy. I'm not... I don't want this in my mother-in-law's living room. This is for these virgins over here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
My mom would say stuff to me like, I saw this clip of you and I was really offended. I was like, well, it wasn't for you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Not my mom. She needs to tell me. And she'll start with, as your mother. I'm like, I know who you are.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I know it's coming. As a woman. I know you're a woman, mom. Yeah. Damn, yeah. I know what you mean. I would love it if she kept it to herself. We've had arguments over it. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I need a clip of Mark farting on Yamanika and then being like, I'm dialing it back. This is the bunned up me.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
That's fun. Yeah. Nate was another one who did not like the fart. Oh, did you see that clip? I did, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, yeah. Well, Louie, I told you, Louie's, we've been close for a long time. I've never heard him fart. He's never once lifted a leg and been like, and we were at the, like, Four Seasons, first night on the tour for Mark. I'd been on the tour for a while. I got to know the man, and we were in his room, and Mark just went on his bed and rolled over, put both ankles down.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It just goes... And Louie was on the phone with room service ordering food like this. Yeah. That was tough. That's a hard bomb.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
There's a clip of Louie on The Daily Show back in the day where Louie's like, if you don't find farts funny, there's something wrong with you. Well, I think maybe he thought it was funny. I don't know.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
The bed and the fact that he's ordering food. Yeah, and the legs of Kimbo.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
At that point, I think you guys had spent like 80 minutes together.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Two men in between us, the way I always... You guys used to have the bit about first class, how you get upgraded, but you wouldn't be able to sit together, and you're like, yeah, we're okay with it. Yeah, no problem.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It wasn't like your old pals. Yeah. You've taken some real fucking risks.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I remember Colin not liking you from the get-go at Whiplash. Quinn didn't like you? Well, because DePaulo did Whiplash, if you can believe that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. It's colliding. And then Mark went on after and was like, yeah, this fucking, whatever you said. And Colin was like, who the fuck is this kid?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
zinging nick to paul what is he crazy you don't do that that's nuts and he's like i hope this kid dies and but now now you guys are cool nick likes you too now right oh yeah we go way back time yeah we talked we've had some good calls but i mean now who knows where he is now no he's great he's on the capital steps or what just kidding nick Two of the Kings.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
He's listening to this. He's like, I'm going to fucking kill that kid. Oh, people will message me every once in a while and be like, you got to stop. You can't have this man in your life. You piece of shit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You keep saying that. Cut that. Well, the show's fantastic. Five years ago. Best show I've ever been on in my life. Are you kidding me? No. No, it was really bad.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
People aren't on my side. I'm in the minority here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
And I don't know if this is a peeve. I don't understand these people. It bothers me, but it doesn't bother me. I'm unaffected by it. It's nice. Let me just say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't understand people that get in line at the Starbucks drive-thru when there's like 15 cars in the driveway or in the drive-thru.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
And my buddy's like, let's go to the drive-thru because he doesn't want to get out of the car, I guess. And I'm like, no, let me go in. He's like, I don't like going in. I'm like, just pull over. So I'm like, please, park the car. I'll get out. First of all, I like the steps. I like the dopamine, the serotonin from having an interaction. Agreed.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
And now what I do, the people are all, there's literally like 14 cars in line, and I'll wave to the people as I'm walking in, get my drink. There's literally zero people inside. I leave with my tea, and I knock on the window and go, huh? Ha ha. It's crazy. These people would rather sit in their car for 25 minutes just to not talk to anybody. I'm with you. It's not worth it. I don't get it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
That doesn't make sense. I think this stemmed from COVID on some level. Like the delivery guy used to have like the handoff. You gave him the money. Remember back in the day? Yeah. And then COVID came and they just always left at the door. And then that just stuck. And I think people got used to like not any interaction.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
But we do that on the road. We love it. We go to McDonald's drive-thru, and then we park and eat. Oh, okay, okay. That I find... I'm talking about the parking lot of your work. I'm talking about the middle of nowhere, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I just don't get it, and I like getting out of the car. But Sarah, this is a pet peeve with Sarah. I think this is psychotic. I try to do it as a bit. People don't even understand. Please. We used to take a bus. Now we're doing pretty well. But we'd take a bus. The bus would pull into Burger King to stop, and I'd be like, all right, let's go. And she's like, no, I'm going to sit here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, that's crazy. I'm like, you don't want to get off the bus? That's wild.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You're scared it's going to pull away or something?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You don't want to stretch? You don't want to get air? She's just breathing in bus air with her legs crushed.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Really? Yeah. I would actually sometimes not get out on those things. I was just always scared they're going to leave you. Where do you stand on the aisle of the bus?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
No, it was crazy. I had to hire a writer. They're like, yes, they work there. I don't know. I showed up with two jokes. They're like, you need nine jokes per topic. It was crazy. I was working around the clock. It was horrible.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
How about when I did the LA Forum with Louis, this is like 10 years ago now, and Todd Glass was opening, and he brought up Louis, and then while Louis came on stage, they were giving me a standing ovation. Todd stood behind him like... doing this thing, and Louie got really upset. Because after like 10 minutes, Louie just looked back and realized that Tom was still back there being like, for me?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
That's really funny. Oh, it was so funny. He didn't get really upset, but he was like, what are you doing?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
We've got to have Louie on here, and you have to fart on him at some point.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I promise I will. But it's just funny, though. From Louie's perspective, he's like... made it to, like, the tippity-pointiest top of comedy. And now more people are doing arenas. Back then, like, nobody was doing arenas. He's at the L.A. Forum, sold out, they're going crazy, and his buddy's doing a gag.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, that is a difference. I mean, like, because you're looking foolish in that situation. You don't want to look foolish.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I sure as fuck didn't get off the one cruise I did. There you go. People did. I'm not... What if they pull away your passports on the boat?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Like at midnight back in the day. Remember that? Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I know. But a cruise is different because a cruise you have a bedroom, there's a pool. True. A bus, you're on a bus. True. It's insane. And then also you could at least stand by the door.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You could stand outside, breathe in the air and not have the sun hit your face.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, that's a good point. They're both fair peeves. I think they're good peeves. Good peeves. Sarah, you got some peeves over there?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. And you may as well be a lobster in a tank with all the space you get in there. It's fucking embarrassing. I know.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I never did at midnight, but that show was, it was a lot of work. But they did pay. It is like classic us though. They're like, we're going to give you a shit load of money to come out and do a TV show. We're like, all right, I'll do it. I'm not going to do any work though. Yeah. I'll just take the trip.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Right. Yeah, of course. I want to swim laps. Dude, best thing for a hangover is just swimming laps. You can feel so good after. No, the best thing is not drinking in the first place, guys.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I don't think I've ever been to one. I went to a TWA one. Can we just be honest? Sarah's talking about your birthday party.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You're not allowed to bring your... What do you mean a line?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Wow. You have to wear a swim cap in those things, too? A lot of minorities.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I believe it. It's weird. I used to go to the rec center constantly and swim there. And it's, dude, all old Asian dudes. And a lot of just old people who are there every day and somehow still fat. I'm like, I thought this was like the healthiest thing you could do. And you're looking at these guys body like you look like a fucking jellyfish.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Right. Like, what are you doing? That was an old George Carlin bit about what's his toes? The guy that just died. Richard Simmons. He's like, Richard Simmons is proof you can work out all day, every day and still look like shit. Rest in peace.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I always think that with these people that talk about longevity, I'm like, you shouldn't talk about longevity until you're like 90. True. Because now that you're like 38, being like, this is how you live a long life. You're going to look like a jackass if you die. Yeah. I know. And it happens.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Unbelievable. I like the international lounge. You get the beans with the eggs. I kind of like that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
He's your age. It's weird to be this obsessed with it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I think Matt Wright's touching his stomach. He's like, that's a sexual move for sure. Yeah, too intimate.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Gotta be. I'm like, what's his... Yeah, what is that touching his belly there?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, I think this is the guy, too, that eats like 1,975 calories a day and he eats the same thing at the same time every day. Sometimes you talk to these people, they get ripped up and they're like, I eat three grapes at 2 p.m. and at 9 p.m. I eat a bag of salad and I go to bed at 10.01. You're like, but you're not living a life. No, that's true.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Does she have a blog? Is she a person or she just wants to remember?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oftentimes I take a lot of photos because I just want to have the memory to remember the thing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
But she's slowing down the meal. Not letting anyone else touch it is crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Right, right. Just get in there and lick them and eat them.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, I hear that. It's dim. I hear thee. But yeah, if you're not allowed to touch the food, I think that's goofballs. That was the problem. Get some candids.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You got that right. Yeah, that's all Brit. That's what Sarah's mother makes. Sarah's mother's British. Did you guys know that? Oh, sorry.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Right. We'll see. I got one. I don't know. Did I do this one yet, Matt? Let me know if I did this. I'm in the bathroom, in a public bathroom, and there's a guy peeing from like six feet away from the urinal. I don't care for that. Far back? Yeah, far back.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, easy Steph Curry. I mean, it's like, it annoyed me. I was like, I don't want to see your fucking dick.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, it was very healthy. It has to be. Of course. He was launching it from fucking 30 feet. Jeez.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, I don't like that. I get right in there. I'm like all the way in.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You have to be. I do. Yeah, absolutely. I block this side with this hand and I block with this. I don't want anyone seeing my dick. I do the same thing. And it's not that I'm embarrassed by my dick, even though my dick is embarrassing. I just want to be considerate. I don't want anyone to have to see my dick. Oh, interesting. It's for them. It's for them, exactly. I see. Same at the gym.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I go towel and then I pull the other way down because it's like no one needs to see my dick.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You guys are like pampered in the women's room.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I have brought up like... Depends on the public restroom.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
If it's an airport bathroom, you ought to believe I washed my hands. Wrigley still has this, by the way. Oh, yeah. Wrigley Field still has a trough. It's fucking insane. It's pretty gross. Oh, it's horrible. I'm a stall guy. What's that?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Urinals splash all the time. My shorts were all splashy the other day. Yeah, that's embarrassing. But you get to an age, I don't even care. I got pee spots everywhere, splash. I'm like, what are you going to do?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. Every night I take my pants off and Sarah's like, you got a huge pee spot. It looks like Hawaii. Yeah. Massive. Different state every night. Yeah, we did. Is that New Jersey?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It's not a bad theory. This is one of the great conspiracy theories I've heard in a while.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I can get behind it. I don't think so because I was at two different Chicago airports over the weekend and neither had them. And that's a diverse city.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, the partition also now, now I'm seeing some hire at the airport. They need them high, because it's the face that bothers me. It's not the dick. I don't like your face so close to my face. I get that. I want a full... But dick showing. Yeah, exactly. Have it just up here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
There's a little flag. Now, I've had this before. Have you ever had this? Now, I urinate. Isn't it nice?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
See, I like to pee in a stall because I like my privacy and I got a bad head-dick connection. I can't. What do you call it? My wires are crossed. Stage fright. Stage fright, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I love this ADD, though, too. I like to focus. I'll just be pissing sometimes, and my girlfriend will come in and just talk, and I'm like, I can't listen to your day while pissing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
We're similar pissers. You make me feel better. I remember we went to the movies that time, and you had to keep pissing, and it makes me feel better. Oh, I pee nonstop.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Pull up the P.J. Clarks urinals. These are kind of fun. Whoa! What the hell? I don't want to ride it. Have you seen these? These are like the iconic New York urinals. That looks like a Segway. Have you seen them?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
That's like free civil rights urinal. What's it called? Still has that. McSorley's has ones like that. McSorley's is cool. Yeah, I love McSorley's.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
The whole family. It rains so much. Get a little moisture down there.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, I got a good movie rec. Me too. You guys are a big movie couple. Yeah. Okay, I'd never seen this. It's a 90s kind of western noir I just watched the other day. It's called Lone Star. I don't know Lone Star. It's a John Sayles movie. It's with Chris Cooper. It's fucking incredible. I don't know Lone Star. I loved it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I do too. It's a great cast. Awesome guy. Young McConaughey is in it. Oh, yeah. Remake? Looks like it. No, it's such a good script. Oh, 1952. Oh, it was a movie in 1952?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It's good, yeah. And it's a story about his dad. Yeah, it's got a hot 92 on Rotten Tomatoes. That says 91, but we'll let it slide. Sorry. It was still good. Yeah, good cast, good movie.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Nah, we're okay. Yeah. Look at that. Sorry. I've tried to do this on stage, and it never really hits the way I want it to hit, but this is a story about Sarah's mother. When Sarah's father passed away, RIP, my mother sent a fruit basket, like a big fruit basket, to the house, and we're all hanging out. Thoughtful.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, I love Christopherson. Who else you got there? Joe Morton. Elizabeth Pena. I don't know her.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. It's basically, he's the town sheriff and, uh, And his dad was the town sheriff before him. And there was kind of a they discover a body and they think it's the body of this other sheriff. And they think maybe his dad was the murderer and his dad has a spotless reputation and certain things come to light. Oh, baby. It's a slow burn the way it unravels. But it's man.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It's like the construction is so good. There's so many characters and they all kind of serve a purpose. It's great. I'm on it. It's an old school... It's very literary. It's old school and it feels like... I don't think it's based in a book, but it feels like... I love movies that feel like books in a good way. Yeah. Isn't it crazy that there's just movies that just slip through the cracks?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
This is one of them, dude. But I looked it up. It's got high audience and critic score and it's... I bought it. I just bought it on a DVD because I heard it was really good.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. There's so many good noirs in the 90s that I just didn't know about. One of the ones I wrecked on here was The Simple Plan. I fucking love them. I love Simple Plan. It's like that type of forgotten awesome movie. I watched him play recently, Sam Raimi. I saw that in the theaters. I loved it. Whoa. Incredible.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I got two big, fat movie recs. Hit me right in the pooper. One new, one old. Maybe you've seen it. Documentary called Flipside. Do you know about Flipside? Flipside. Chuck, our podcast producer, sent me the trailer. Pull up a little bit of this trailer. Can you show a trailer? It's new. It's new. This movie has all kinds of feel.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It's about a record store, but also about a midlife crisis, about art and creating art. You guys will really relate and connect. Really? Unbelievable. It's emotional. It's beautiful. Oh, I can't wait. I don't know if we're allowed to show this.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, wow. Yeah, it's all about... I mean, it's just really amazing. It comes all about midlife crisis and creating art.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
But it's all about this guy who created Deadwood is in there. There's this jazz photographer in there. It's this guy. There's so much going on. It's so well done. It's like a masterpiece. Wow. All based on this guy who owns a record store. Huh. But it makes you nostalgic. It looks like Kurt Metzger. Oh, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, so basically this guy, he's a big, famous commercial director, and then he did, what's this show called? Who's the guy on fucking, ugh. My mind is mushed now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Not PBS, but NPR. Ira Glass. Ira Glass. He directed Ira Glass's show, and he kind of feels like he becomes a sellout. But then he's this beautiful artist. Yeah, he did the TV show. Oh, that was really good. It is a beautiful film. I had Matt Wayne watch it. He's like, I was crying the whole time. I found the feels. It's beautiful.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
The blurb. Eight years ago, his wife was murdered. This is based on a book by Harlan Coben, right? Maybe. I read this one. Yeah, it's a good book. Get this.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Eight years ago, his wife was murdered. Today, she emailed him. Yeah, yeah. It's the book.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. This guy writes like just... He's written like 50 books or something. He just burns them out. He's like a... You see his shit at the airport all the time, but he just...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
uh all this stuff is like the twists are crazy yeah oh it's really awesome a lot of twists and um fantastic yeah so uh those those are my two movie good wreck i'm gonna watch this movie i'm gonna watch them both yeah please sarah you gotta you gotta wreck
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Her mother thought my mother was like, get Joe his fruit. He's got to have his scrapes.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's based on a book too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
We're dropping off a little for Sarah's pick, but she's a woman. You got to scale.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yes. Boy, she's a good looking lady, huh? Oh, absolutely.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You see her cans in Brokeback. That's why I watch it all the time. Pull them up. As if they were to be like, to make up for all this gay shit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
That's wild. Which gave me a window into Sarah. I'm like, this is how you were written. Like, your mother has such low self-esteem. She's like, I can't open. That's got to be.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
His best work is Catching Hell, the 30 for 30 about Bartman. That's like his best movie, I think.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Gibney's daughter we worked with on a short film. She was at NYU. She was doing DP work. Double penetration.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Tickled was great, yeah. That's another one. That's a weird one, right?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, that's cool. By the way, new doc coming, Tom Dustin, Portrait of a Comedian, coming soon. Portrait of a Comedian. Where can we see it? It's going to be, we're going to do a screening in New York. Trying to do October. It's in the works right now. I just had a talk today. We're going to try to get it. You guys got to come and check it out. But probably in October. You're in there.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You're in there for a second. I'll take it. And we got into a big festival that we can't announce yet, but that's exciting. I think it's going to play at Skank Fest. And maybe they'll go on Punch-Up. Are you guys around Punch-Up?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Punch-Up is great. Follow us all on Punch-Up. Punch-Up.live slash all of our names. Punch-Up.live slash Joe List. Sarah, are you on as well?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Punchup.live slash Mark Norman. Punchup.live slash Sam Morrell. All our tour dates. A bunch of extra stuff. And yeah, I'm pumped to see this doc, man.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, I think it's really good. I mean, obviously, I think it's good. It's like your baby looking cute. But I think it's really good. I think there's some emotion. There's a lot of stand-up. It's about regret and sobriety and friendship. And Tom is just hilarious. You guys know Tom.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
She thinks your mom's just sending you a basket of $80 pears. Yeah. Just some apple slices.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Hilarious. And then Key West is a character itself. Perfect.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Salicus was great. I mean, yeah, Salicus was great, obviously. Yeah, of course. No, he was awesome. And Salicus was a big part of it. He's an associate producer. He did great. He interviewed me, and I was annoyed. He was asking me. I'm like, what are you doing? I don't want to be interviewed. And it ended up being a key part that we needed in there. Oh, all right.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
And just a great travel partner, Salicus. Yeah. It was a three-man operation. It was me, Patrick Holbert, and Salicus. And Patrick Holbert, by the way, shout out to him, wonderful comedian. And if you ever need video stuff, leave this shithole. He's the best. I mean, he is the top of the line. Matt didn't smile. I feel weird now. He's tough not to crack. But yeah, it's a real passion project.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
And it cost me more money than I want Sarah to know. But it's really good, I think.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, yes. It costs a lot less than Jurassic Park, but it's coming straight out of my wallet, for God's sake. But I think with those ways, we might be able to make it back, maybe.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
And also, if you haven't seen Joe's movie, I'm sure a lot of you have seen it, but Fourth of July, that Sarah's also in, great movie. Oh, yeah, where's that at? Where is that, Louis site? It's on everything now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Pears are pussy. Oh, oh. Pears are tits. Hell yeah, dude.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It's on streaming. I think it's on Amazon now. Oh, how cool is that? Yeah, I think it went everywhere now. It got a nice little bump from that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
No, we never recuperated our money. Look at those scores, huh? But the audience score is like 88% or something like that. Worse than Eileen. Yeah, look at that. 89% box office.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, well, you were, I think, getting criticized for something else, too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
And what was I going to say about that movie? I forget. But yeah, it's everywhere now. You can go check that out.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, we beat the Leonard Cohen doc that came out the same week. That was a good doc, too. Yeah, yeah. We got more money on that, but no, I'm not making any money on it, but I made money because I made union money, but Louie hasn't recuperated his money, but I think he will eventually at some point.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, but it was awesome. And then while we're plugging, can I just do one big show coming up? I feel like you guys have a lot of New Yorkers. November 9th. Town Hall, New York City. It's a big deal. I'm doing all these other clubs. You can find all my dates at Punch-Up. But Town Hall, November 9th. Very excited about that. Buy tickets, guys. That's going to be big.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I hope so. So we got a nice chunk, but I got to fill it up. November 9th, Town Hall, during the New York Comedy Festival. And yeah, those are my main.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, I'm shooting in October. We just had that coming.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
But yeah, so do that. Where are you going to shoot? I think Zany's, Chicago, Rosemont. Are you definitely doing it or not sure? I'm pretty sure. Yeah, pretty sure. I'm actually going to shoot downtown and Rosemont. And then either maybe cut it together, but at least have one and then have some for bonuses. I love it. I just, I like clubs.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I like, I like doing the clubs and Louie always says, he's like, you should shoot your special in the venues that you're doing. It's like I do the Wilbur and I'm doing town hall and I did a big room in Chicago before, but I'm like, I don't want to be the guy that comes out in a stadium, but I'm like, I like the club.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Watch it. Sarah's a great joke writer. Love her jokes. Definitely watch this special. Yes, good comic. Another one already up. It's darker.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
all right it's got i found i feel like the jokes are more fun yeah than i usually get to do oh all right do a bit or should we just do days oh sorry i started prematurely i think i used all my bits on the last show unfortunately i didn't i didn't think about it sorry can i try one because i want to try this tonight i got i got a thing too i just want to try tonight is this anything it's a quick one my girlfriend always cleans my apartment and then complains i don't hire a cleaning lady she's like why don't you hire a cleaning lady i'm like well the same reason i don't get a prostitute you're crushing it
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Is that something? All right, I'll try it tonight. I just want to run one quick. Yeah, no, that's hilarious. I'm going to try it tonight.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. No, I'll give it a shot. I just want to make sure it's not trash.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
No, no, that's good. This kills, but I don't know where to go or what to add with it, but this is a true story. I was walking through the airport, and a guy walked by and just put it like this. He goes, comedian.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
i'm like oh thank you i don't know like yeah that's the level i'm at like people don't say like i love you you're hilarious on my name he just put like literally like this comedian did they do that with a lawyer yeah i tried i'm like pilot accountant um but uh yeah that was a funny thing that happened have you tried just that
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
no i've done it a few times and it gets like a huge laugh but then you're just one of those things where you're like that's it all right that's the end of that maybe yeah i like the line that's the level i'm at is funny right right uh i'm not getting an oh my god right yeah and your knowledge of what i do for a living don't even want a photo yeah right yeah yeah that could be a funny follow-up do you want a photo i'm good yeah yeah i know you guess what he does
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
yeah maybe that could be oh yeah what do you look like just a guy i mean it was like literally like he was moving fast like he looked like i mean he looked like a hundred percent of the people that know who i am like a 38 year old guy in a hoodie with some stubble maybe it's the nicest thing anyone has said to you that's just walking by you know it's usually like homo fuck you yeah piece of shit tiny dick yeah this guy come here you're like i'll take it
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I just remember we had a kid here. Isn't that weird? Oh, right. It's so easy to forget that you're like, we have a baby in the other room. You should have someone watching it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, that's fine. He's in the car. We just have him on. There's a moment where you're like, you're ready to come out there, and you're like, he's just bleeding. It's only like 78.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Now we're all showing up at work with cum in our pants. Like now, because that's kind of also funny to downplay a problem. It's not really a problem for me. A guy jerking off to the subway, I'm just like, well, whatever, I'll look the other way. But in that case, I'd be like, oh, my pants are ruined. That's better.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I got it sent to me, and it was out there for like a month, and it's still delicious. Factor. You guys are crushing it. Factor rules. It's the best.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I'm just downstairs at the 42nd Street subway all day waiting for a guy to start jerking off.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
But the whole idea, though, of puke making you puke and cum making you cum is funny. Yeah, I like the turn.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I would just yell back, I love you, whatever. Well, that happened a lot because I would buy, so oftentimes I've bought a ticket before and then Sarah decides, oh, I want to tag along some bullshit. So I'll get her a ticket, but first class has already taken up. And then there was one guy, a big Texas guy was like, cause I was already in my seat, obviously.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Right. I'd rather that than the tip. That's funny. Do you swallow? All right. All right. Just let me give you 15% and move on.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Right. Yeah. I like that. I'm going to ask you a question is very like what it's very no accountability. Yeah. Right. Right.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
No, I was like, no, no, no, no. We don't want to do that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It already went through. Oh. It was literally a bodega where you get your own food and hand it to the guy and then he scans it and then Sarah tipped 20% and it was the Upper East so it was like 40 bucks.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You bought a car. Oh, you already tipped 20% on the car.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I can't read. She's like, there's actually no words. I like that I can't read. It's just a dollar sign. It's just numbers. I can't read numbers either.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
They might have. I probably ignored it. Yeah, good point. Look at that. It looks like a lot.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
These people with their iPads and whatnot. The worst one I had was in Key West. It was like a cigar stand on the side of the road. And I walked up. I know exactly what I want and where it is. I go. I grab it. I walk over. I hand it. It scans it. It's the iPad. And it's got a tip option. I'm like, well, what would it do the tip for?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Comedian. Yeah, plug some dates. I mean, you've got the town hall gig coming up. Where else are you going to be?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I've got Philly Helium, first weekend in October. Portland Helium, September 13th and 14th, 12th, 13th, 14th. Indianapolis, I haven't been there since the 80s. September 20th, 21st. And then I'll be at Skank Fest, of course. Never miss it. Philly, yeah. Philly actually will sell out, so make sure you get those tickets early. Royal Oak, Michigan, October 18th, 19th, 20. Great clubs. Love that one.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, yeah, I love that place. And then Kansas City actually got moved to January. And San Diego, December, first time working that city in my whole life. What? You're going to love that one. American Comedy Co.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Bodegacatwhiskey.com. Seller, it's crushing in New York right now. Sold out. Yeah, when does this come out?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, yeah, Niagara Falls, September 13th. That's a one-nighter casino that'll be fun. I'm hitting Europe, London.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
belfast dublin paris added show in amsterdam added show so please uh help me sell those out copenhagen oslo looking fucking rough uh stockholm and then i'm back at uh hilarities in uh november i'm gonna add some more dates some more club dates to get to get cooking again uh punch up dot live slash joe list punch up dot live slash sam morel and punch up dot live slash mark norman mark where you gonna be
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, I was just going to say porch pirate. I clammed up. It sounds like a slur. I was like, oh, Jesus. Oh, no. Like a gay slur.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, there is a black one that's closer. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, geez. All right.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Of course. Yeah, butt pirate doesn't sound that bad. Sounds kind of fun.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I never heard that one. What? Pillow biter? Yeah. Pillow biter. But pillow biter could also be a woman.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
This is a Pulp Fiction dialogue. I don't be tickling her nothing. Now, Lewis and Bobby did that one year on You Know What, Dude. It was like a free foot rub coupon or something like that. There you go. Somebody got one and had to rub a foot. A man's foot is appalling to me.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I just can't. Anytime I see a man's foot in like a sandal, I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Oh, I could catch salmon with these things. Right. That's disgusting.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
It's all the way down that we're longer than you. We're taller and less flexible.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
We're not flexible. No, we just don't maintain. Dude, I didn't know you had to wash your face until like two weeks ago. No, I didn't wash my face seriously until I was in my 30s. I just started like, I'm not kidding. Tommy Pope mentioned it in Austin.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
And Sarah got on half an hour later and I was like, Hey, I love you. And he was like, now I'm out of believe that's your wife going back there. And I was like, yeah, you know, and he's like in Texas, that wouldn't fly, man. You don't let your wife. And I was like, well, she's from Texas and you can blow. Why don't you give her your seat? Aha.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I was like, man, you got like great skin. And he was like, wash my face. And I was like, oh, I've never done that. He goes, you've never washed your face? I was like, no, I've never done it. So what do you do? I just go to bed with the chemicals on my face, I guess. I don't know. No, but like in the shower. In the shower, you get your face wet. No, I don't get it. What? It gets wet.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I was the same way for years and years. No. Whoa.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Lotion you gotta start because I think you look like an old crinkly asshole. Especially with the whiskey. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You'll start looking like an old asshole soon.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, I smoke outside and occasionally. I'm not smoking all day, every day. But I mean, look at me. I'm twinkling over here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
You got a glow. I steam. The steam room's big.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Moisturizer. Moisturizer. Moisturizer. There you go. Whatever it is. But you wash your legs because you shave with it every couple months. Every few months. Yeah. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Where are you guys at with leg hair in the bedroom? On her or me? On her. Some guys are like, get the fuck out of the bed. Like women have leg hair? Like stubble. Not full leg hair. That I wouldn't do.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Not a fan of the armpit hair. Oh! I know they think it's empowering, but to me it's just like, you know.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Good point. Give her your seat. You're from Texas.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Interesting. Well, if you're the sexiest woman on earth, I'll allow it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. Oh, wow. Is that Madonna, though? That doesn't look like Madonna. It's got a slopey nose. That's her. Oh, but there it is. That's her with the hair.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah, that's good. She's insisting on the armpit hair, and they're like, we'll put it in the crease. Don't worry about it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
oh boy she had a body huh tight that's actually a lot of armpit hair more than me she's italian oh gross she probably has that on back but don't you find though i mean you're in a long-term relationship uh like you guys both are right i mean like we've been together for 37 years yep after a while
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
That is good. Well, people think it's crazy. And then Sarah only just recently got pre-check and I would leave her in the dust there too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
armpit hair i'm not suggesting this but like you can get into anything different that's like we went to paris sarah was chain smoking sick which by the way i was like we're in paris we should smoke cigarettes sarah smoked about 40 in 10 minutes really i'm a smoke i used to be a smoke oh i didn't know that yeah i smoked for years i wish you didn't do all your caring the baby but i know well small birth weight um he's tiny
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
me but yeah i was like wouldn't that be fun cigarette if i get to have one i'm like when in rome cafe society and sarah's like that might be fun she's got like three at a time she was doing coke whenever i'm in a casino i whenever i'm in a casino i'll start smoking stogies oh yeah really it's cool i get the respirator whenever my casino by the way
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
I don't know if this is common knowledge out there. I just went to a movie yesterday with Ari. He's smoking. They got a hold on him. He's smoking cigarettes like a regular guy. He's 48 years old. He's just smoking.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Yeah. That was ugly. Not even the most offensive thing at that bachelor party. That's true. There he is. Ari's handsome when he goes high and tight, which he has right now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
Well, men get more attractive. It's one of the cruel things about life. Men get more attractive and women go to shit. Yeah. I mean, not yet. Yeah. It happens. Any minute. And I'm out.