JJ Curry
Appearances
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
What else though? I like to give the crowd information about me so that we feel comfortable with each other. Like, I know you guys can't tell, but I'm actually in one eighth Caucasian. Thank you. I really am one eighth, though. Like, my grandfather's is mixed. That's half. You break a half down, that's a quarter. And if you break a quarter down, that's an eighth. That's me.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Now, I don't know how mathematically correct that is, But my cousin used to sell weed and that's how he taught me fractions. So I'm really like 3.5 grams of Caucasian. I'm $40 white.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
It's coming from British people. That's wild. What's that? No, it's coming from a British man. That's wild.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I'm actually... It's military, so I get like a 90% disabled. So I get that monthly. Okay. Wow. So I've been only doing comedies in 2019. Wow.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Oh, shit. Yeah, I don't want to talk. Like vaccines? Yeah. Yeah. There you go.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I basically went to the hospital on a Sunday and then I left like a week before my birthday in April.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I mean, every once in a while, probably like Uber and stuff like that.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Obviously, it's very much an isolation thing. I can put the click in, you know what I'm saying? Put the click in? The click?
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
That is a lot of trust a woman is putting in you. Big lips, soft seats. You know what I'm saying? Big lips, soft what? Seats. Seats. Yeah. For the click.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I was in Florida for a while, and I was stationed in the military, so that was really easy to do. Uh-huh. It's Filipino, you know what I'm saying? Right.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I mean, I'm a big movie person. I like watching movies. I go to the gym, of course. Hell yeah. I like walks and stuff. I like to be outdoors. When you say walks, that's W-O-K-S to get Asian women?
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
What's up? Okay. You know when you... You know when you fuck a girl and then she gets upset that you told everybody you fucked her? Yes, bitch. I told everybody. I'm trying to show off. Trust me, you don't want to be the one I fuck. And then I tell nobody. I've had plenty of those. Ladies, if you like fuck a coworker and you don't hear about it a week later, that's a bad sign.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
That means you're a secret. That means you look like a slob of shit. There's plenty of women who would love a rumor. Hey, Agatha. Hey, Agatha, I heard you fucked Ari. Maybe I did. Thank you so much.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
It's true. I do love those two. I love when a chick has a belly piercing that doesn't look like it's pierced. It looks like it's stuck. You know what I'm saying?
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Comedy's so crazy. I was just like down the street trying that joke. Full silence and confusion.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Yeah. It happens. Then you just go, and then I just come here like, okay, I guess I don't got it.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I don't think he's got anything. I think he's just so fucked up all the time. He parties a lot, dude. He fucking does. He dances? Dude, the bitches love it. They lose their mind. They grab him.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Also, banging parking. We pull up everywhere. We just put the sign, bling, bling, just on the... Straight into the store. You can do the walk, just... And also, because I'm on the road with him, when he's pre-boarding, I'm right behind him.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
So we went to, like, a bar... And we're like boozing, everything's cool. And it's Florida, it's Fort Myers maybe. So everyone, ugly.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Okay, so you're in this bar. So we're, like, talking, you know, and we notice that there's no chicks around. At the end of the bar, there were these two fucking bull sharks, just fucking... Like, two women, you know, you don't even know what age they are. They're just done. Yeah. You know when you just drink and smoke so long you don't even have gender? You're just a carcass.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Yeah, we're like, we need seven to eight thousand more drinks. So they're at the end of the bar, and then, you know, and it's Florida, volume bar, you know, it's so fucking loud, so you're yelling. I'm like yelling to Martin. Okay, disgusting. Somebody just belched. And then, then I notice at the other end of the bar, an angel, like an Austin Four, like an absolute. Yeah, a Fort Myers.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
An angel enters the bar. And then I turn to Martin, and at this point, you know when just, like, music stops playing and you're yelling over a bar? So I just go, like, as soon as music stops, mid-sentence, I go, I guess there's only one pretty girl here.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
And this ugly trash bag of a human looks at me and Mark and goes, which one's the pretty one?
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
It's a lovely way with words. And of course I tried to say that. I go, I guess there's three, you know.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
And then they get some beer. And then I get nervous because they keep talking. And then all of a sudden, just a pickup truck full of men get to the bar. All gorillas, you know. It's like a scene from a movie where they're coming to beat up the outsiders, you know. I mean, if you're gonna beat up Martin Phillips, this... I'm fucked, you know.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
And then they come off, and I overhear the bull sharks tell these jocks of what went down. And you know what those guys did? Dude, I was so nervous. Those guys literally laugh, and they go, well, you ain't a prize.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Yeah, plus Martin needs something. By the way, he bangs. I've seen some girls backstage. It's pretty... Martin. Martin, yeah. Girls have, like, a fetish. They want to take care of you, you know? They're like, I can fix him, you know?