Helen Hunt
Appearances
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
So he never met his father. And so then the older sisters had him. And what Rosalie would say, who was the hardest sister to live with, If it weren't for me, you would be in an orphanage. You have to work. You have to work. And they would not let Harville read books. He's an academic.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Yeah, Harville, our first date, he took me to this real expensive restaurant. Wow. I left and I said, Harville, I like barbecue chicken, Dickie's, and next time you don't have to take me to an expensive restaurant. I like Kentucky Fried Chicken and Dickie's Barbecue, 7-Eleven hot dogs. And Harville started yelling at me. How dare you say that? And then I took him on a date. Well, come on.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
But I've never met anyone that was interested in, like, stages of relationship. I had heard his lecture. Three stages, and he gave a lecture in a Unitarian church. The garage is filled with cars on Sunday, and on Saturday, they have speakers come. And there were 20 of us. A friend of mine said, hey, a guy is going to talk about Apparently something about marriage and you want to come with me.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
And I went and there was Harville stage one, stage two, stage three. And so we started dating.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
I was impressed with you.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
You're the only person in the world throughout all of history that created a marriage history stages.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
And no one has talked about dialogues in Socrates. 330 B.C. in Greece, Socrates wanted to have the young people think for themselves, democratic dialogue. The Greek authorities said, stop it. He said, I like doing this. And they said, we're going to arrest you and put you in jail if you don't stop it. They arrested him and put him in jail and said, okay, one more chance, Socrates.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Say you will not keep teaching our teenagers Socratic dialogue and you'll be released tomorrow. If you don't say that, we're going to kill you. But that night he drank poison.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
No one has done dialogue since 330 BC. Right. And what they have done since 333 and for the 10,000 years of human civilization is
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
And I will agree with me, right?
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
And you let the couples solve the problem or help figure out the problem, not the therapist.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Is there more about that?
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
But I don't agree with you, but I see how you see it. So that phrase, it makes sense, means, oh, that makes sense to you.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
I know the answer, but I love the answer.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
And just so we don't run out of time. You want to talk about the race? This is not in the book, getting the love you want, but what's, um, We were using our dialogue skills a lot of different places. And I decided, someone suggested that I take the dialogue skills to Mayo Clinic and let them look at how they feel. I mean, how does the Mayo Clinic feel? believe our dialogue skills can be helpful.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Well, I got a medical report about the brain. So basically, now I've studied a lot about the brain because of the Mayo Clinic, the 2.4 pound organ in everyone's skull is considered to be the most complicated organ in the universe. But neuroscientists have simplified it so the average person can read about the brain and learn to create a healthier brain.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
And then the Mayo Clinic said, now let me tell you about your dialogue skills. First, the lower brain controls vital functions. Its job is to keep you alive. When you're hungry, you eat. Then you do different things throughout the day, eating whenever you're hungry. And then soon it's time to go to sleep, and you're tired. Your body tells you, get in bed and close your eyes.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
So you get in bed and close your eyes, and eight hours later, you get up automatically. And this keeps the body healthy, but it reacts real automatically. Like if you wake up and you go into the stove, into the kitchen, and you think someone has turned off the stove last night and another family member walks in and you put your hands on the stove, but they left it on, it's hot.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Well, you don't do a strategic plan before you lift the hand. And so monologue keeps you alive. So that's a very valuable thing to keep your body alive. Now, if you want healthy relationships, the sentence of dialogue, you have to go to the neocortex. There's a left brain center, which is logical dialogue. accurate and a right brain center, which is more musicians or right brain.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
If you're an innovator, you know, left brain hemisphere, right brain hemisphere. And when you mirror someone, the mirroring is a left brain process. So the left brain, the sentence stems of dialogue, you use the left brain, the right brain, and then when you say, is there more about that? Or you ask questions. But one of the sentence stems of mirroring is when you've mirrored someone, left brain,
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
And then the other person says, yes, you've got that right. When you say, is there more about that? Dan Siegel, the best, the most famous brain scientist in the world, said, this is between left brain, right brain hemisphere, the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, where you wonder, you move beyond predication. And then the lower brain releases cortisol, adrenaline, and toxic neurochemicals.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
You don't sleep well at night, and you get sick more. But if you use the upper brain a lot, like going to bed, well, actually throughout the whole day, dopamine, acetylcholine, norepinephrine, serotonin flows out of your out of the brain throughout the body. That's what happens with the brain. It affects how the blood functions.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
So it's very important to know that in using dialogue, he's a happier person, the relationship is a better person, and you are a healthier person.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Especially if you don't know.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
It's unconscious. You don't realize you're doing it.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
And watch TV or YouTube videos about other places in the world.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Once we're on the highway.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
We study NDEs, so that's where we plan to be one day.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Well, and I was just going to say, anybody can go to our website and get trained. In dialogue.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
And so they know how to use dialogue. And when they're dating someone, you go, you know, I love using dialogue. Would you be willing? to be trained in dialogue. And it's a different way to talk.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Yeah. It really is a way of life. It really is. You're a healthier person. Yeah.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Yeah. Thank you.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Now, you don't deny anything. or pretend like you don't feel negative. What we teach people to do is make an appointment with your partner about something you felt very, very negative about. I'd like to talk with you about something that happened, and I'd like to request that that you do it another way.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Yes, yes. And could we have a dialogue? If not exactly what I'm asking for, could you, let's compromise so we're both happy.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
So convert the frustration into a request.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
When we were dating, we felt like we were the perfect ones. I was attracted to him because he was teaching people stage one, stage two, stage three. And so we started dating. I said, I'm getting funding from a family-owned business. I'd like to fund your work. And so we had our first two dates, we had a big fight on them.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
By controlling, they go, listen, you should be doing this. You need to wash your dishes. You need to do this. They control your time. You don't have any time to do what you want to do. Like Harbaugh wants to read. And he grew up with parents or siblings that were always overmanaging him.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
Because he was a businessman and his wife, H.L. Hunt, and then his wife was doing volunteer work all over Dallas. And neither of them ever had time. And I came home from school to go, Helen, welcome back home. How was your day at school? Are you reading any interesting books? Do you have any friends? In my whole junior high and high school years, nothing.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
And I wanted someone to see me, make me feel seen. So Harvard gives me three appreciations every day.
Healing + Human Potential
The Hidden Reason You Fall for People Who Hurt You | Helen Hunt & Harville Hendrix | EP 76
I think a message is for two people who have married, take time to get to know each what it was like for your partner to grow up and take time. And I remember the big, the one that was just horrifying for me about how Harville wanted to read books and his older sister, you know, because his mother died when he was about five. And when he, she died, his father had already died.