Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar

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research done quite recently by Professor Moss, M-A-U-S, showing that if I wake up in the morning and say to myself, I want to be happy, or happiness is important for me, or it's a value for me, I will actually become less happy. What?

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Really? That was exactly my reaction. That's a problem. And I read about this five years ago. And I said, but that's what I'm dedicating my life to. Of course, happiness is important for me. And yet what the research clearly shows is that this will make you less happy. So does this mean we should... kid ourselves, say to ourselves, you know, I don't wanna be happy, wink, wink, I actually do.

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Self-deception is certainly not the path to happiness. So what do we do about it? Well, let me use an analogy that was very helpful for me in thinking about happiness. Imagine you go outside, it's a beautiful sunny day. And you want to enjoy the sun, so you look up at the sun directly. What happens? You hurt yourself. It burns, it hurts, you tear up. So looking at the sun directly hurts.

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However, what if you take a prism and you break the sunlight? And then you look at what has just been broken. In other words, the colors of the rainbow. Then you can look at the sunlight and enjoy it, but you're looking at it indirectly. It's the same with happiness. Pursuing it directly and saying, I want to be happy. Happiness is important for me. That will make us unhappy.

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But if I break down happiness into its metaphorical colors of the rainbow and then pursue it indirectly, that is when I can actually become happier.

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there are five elements to happiness. There may be more, but five main elements to happiness, which we call the spire elements. S-P-I-R-E. S stands for spiritual wellbeing. Spiritual wellbeing is about, of course, we can attain it through religion, but we can also find it through doing something that is meaningful to us, purposeful. By being mindful, by being present, we experience the spiritual.

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That's one of the colors of the rainbow. So if I wake up in the morning and say, I wanna be happy, I'll be less happy. But if I wake up in the morning and say, I wanna find something which is more meaningful to do, or I'm gonna meditate for 10 minutes now, that is an indirect way of pursuing happiness. That's one of the colors. So that's the S of Spire. The P of Spire, that's physical wellbeing.

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Physical wellbeing is about nutrition. It's about rest and recovery, sleep. It's about touch. It's about what we eat that of course matters. So if I start to exercise regularly, that's an indirect way of pursuing happiness. If I eat more healthfully, the same. Then we have the I of SPIRE. I stands for intellectual well-being.

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That's about curiosity, about asking questions, about constantly learning, about deep diving, whether it's into a text or a work of art or nature. And these are, again, all indirect ways of pursuing happiness. The fourth color of the rainbow, the R of SPIRE, relational well-being. Number one predictor of happiness, quality time we spend with people we care about and who care about us.

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So if I spend more time with my loved ones, indirectly pursuing happiness. And finally, the E of SPIRE, emotional well-being. Emotional well-being is, first of all, about giving ourselves the permission to be human. In other words, embracing painful emotions that are natural parts of any life, even a happy life, sadness, anger, frustration.

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Allowing these emotions to freely flow through us paradoxically actually leads to more happiness. So these five elements of happiness, spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional well-being are the metaphorical colors of the rainbow. And when we pursue them, we're actually pursuing happiness indirectly and becoming happier.