David Jolly
Appearances
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
How y'all doing tonight, white people in Puerto Rico? Hell yeah. Y'all down with the president? Yeah, Trump the realest nigga to ever do it. On the last day of his presidency last time, he freed Kodak Black and Lil Wayne. Then he sent the goons into the Capitol building. They were hanging on chandeliers, ripping shit off the wall. I was like, damn, I'm glad these ain't black people.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
My credit score went up 12 points that day. Only thing I ain't like about when Trump was the president, I kept on getting these letters in the mail for free trips on Carnival Cruise Line, all-you-can-eat chicken and shit. I was like, you ain't gonna get me like that, 45. I seen roots. This how we got over here the first time. I know what was gonna happen.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I was gonna pull up to that Carnival Cruise Line. It was gonna be me and 45 Dominicans from San Antonio. You know they love a goddamn deal. It was going to be a long-bearded white man named Boss. He was going to be like, all right, guys, everybody, pick of the shiki, have a seat. We're going back to Wakanda. All right, thank you. Y'all have been a whole bunch of fun, man.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Nobody fucking knows, man. I usually have a translator with me. Sorry. That bitch took the night off, you know what I mean? That dirty bitch. Slangin' bitch. Yeah, dirty, stankin' whore. Stankin' bitch. We call them stankin' scalawag dirty foot bitches.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Yeah, like white women from Kentucky, you know what I mean? Same shit. They got dirty feet, you know what I'm saying? They do. Their feet always dirty. They say it in the Bible, you know what I mean? They do. They do. He not wrong. You ain't know that? You didn't read that part. What part of the Bible is that exactly? Dirty, footy-ish, white woman-ish. You didn't say you hear that verse?
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Yeah, yeah. You read a Bible? Oh, you don't read a Bible. You're a liberal, my bad.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Who, me? What? What the fuck does that mean? I don't know what none of that shit means. I just like to say it. Do you know what a liberal is? No, not at all. Not at all. I like to say it.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Oh, that's it. That's how you call a person a gay man?
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
We love the blacks. We love the blacks so much. I love Donald Trump. See, they don't understand Donald Trump was down with the Negroes in the 80s. You know what I'm saying? Real shit. They don't know that. See, everybody want to throw Donald Trump underneath the bus. Donald Trump smoke weed out of blunts. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? He been down with the Negroes.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Shit, man, I've been on the road, like, the last three months. With Cam, I have my thing going. I be with you. Killers will kill Tony. We just out here grinding, baby, you know?
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I mean, that's a... Shit, I've been fucking these hoes.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I keep, like, $40 for a bitch, you know what I'm saying? It ain't really tricking. It's just, that's, like, light bill money or something. You know, I fuck old bitches now. Old bitches will let you tear their ass up for $40, you know what I mean? You still pay them. Well, I mean, it's not paying. It's just like, here you go. It's not paying. It's like a donation. It's not required.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
It's like saying thank you for being a wonderful woman. It's like a tip. Like a tip. Like a gratuity. It's a gratuity.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Old people, I understand what they be saying, because my grandmama was old, and I used to have to watch her when I was like 11. So I paid close attention to what she was saying, and it's a different dialect.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Hey, man, I didn't mean nothing by it. My bad. I'm sorry. What'd that even mean? I thought we were friends. You from New York. All New Yorkers are liberals, right?
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Oh, you're right. You're right. What the fuck is a liberal? I'm not calling you a homosexual. I'm just saying. I like your dick right now. I'll prove it.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Hey, no sucking dick up here, man. Yeah, man, come on, man.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
No. It's a free button. But you got to say it with joy, though. It's got to be joy.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
If they give me like $500, if I got $500, you can kick me in the nuts, nigga. For $500, nigga? Hell yeah.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
What's going on right now? Hey, that's a beer. That's an Italian beer. It's not a fucking beer. That's close. I thought that was a pastry. No, it's an Italian beer, and Negroni's an Italian beer. I thought it was like some bread or some shit. It's not bread?
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
It's bread, right? Negroni? No, that's a... A cannoli, a cannoli.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Welcome to... I used to fuck an Italian bitch. Tight shit? Hell yeah. Okay. She used to make them shits. That's how I know what it is. We here for the bullshit. Hell yeah.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
A pregnant bitch. No, prego means traditional, like, mama mia. Like, it's... It mean like happy times. It mean happy. It mean like happy. Like the sauce? The sauce. Yeah, I know it's the sauce, but it mean like happy times. Like mama mia. Like family. It's family.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
That's what I'm saying. Like mama mia. You know what I was saying? Mama mia. That's what they say. Mama mia. Okay.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
No, no! No, no, Tyler. You got $500. You got $500,000? Shit, you can say whatever you want. You can kick me in the ass, too. I swear you can. For $500. Come on, man. We got to do better than this, man. Nigga, I need them $500.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
All right, no, no, you can't say the fucking N-words.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I don't know what you're talking about right now, Red Band. No, pancetta, like, sweet. It's kind of sweet a little bit. There you go.