Charlie McKeever
Appearances
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Call me a dating coach, but I would call myself a confidence coach. And that's important for dating. It's important for relationships, and it's important for life. So I help men own themselves to get to know who they are and to reclaim themselves in their life.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
In general, men are very feeling. I'm a big fan of Alison Armstrong's research. And in it, she says that a man doesn't want to do something that he doesn't think he has a high probability of success for. So at some point, he has to learn that he needs to be himself.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
and be who enjoys being in his life, and then do things from that place, doing it as a happy, whole, contented person, and then he'll have the experiences that he has in life. He'll see things from a perspective of abundance and not from a place of scarcity and lack, which is where we come from when we think that we need somebody. We need a person's approval. We need their acceptance.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
We need that job, that promotion, that bank account, that house in order to be okay. And if we can only be okay if, then we're really in a very precarious place.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
That's legit, right? That's totally legit. And there would have been a time that I would have eye-rolled too. It doesn't come down to woo-woo. It doesn't come down to magic, right? There's no secret. It's really very logical that when I'm dependent on something outside of me, then I'm going to feel good. Very powerless. And that's just not a great place to be. It's not a great place to live.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
So now, the thing that I also hear from men a lot is I hear the word intimacy.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
They talk about intimacy. They talk about connection. The thing that we don't know, that we don't realize, is that intimacy is not just sex. But at the end of the day, what we really want, and this is the part that he's kind of confused about, is that we really want to be seen. We really want to be heard. We really want to be understood.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
And the interesting thing about intimacy and being seen and being heard, being understood, is that if we're in this place where we're protecting ourself, where we're... trying to get from somebody the thing that we think that we don't have, then we actually subvert that connection.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Yeah. So if we believe that it's not OK to be us. that it's not okay to bother somebody, not okay to approach somebody, then what we're going to do is we're going to disengage, right? We're going to disconnect. We're going to avoid. Because if the idea of walking up to somebody and talking to them is painful, then we're going to avoid it. We're not going to want to engage in that.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Again, this comes back to that self-acceptance. I used to go into the barber shop and I would, you know, tell the barber, you know, make me look like Brad Pitt. And they would be like, I'll do my best. Good luck with that. And, you know, I like Brad Pitt's vibe. But you know what? He's doing a really good job of being Brad Pitt. Who I need to be is me, right? I need to fully own and be me.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
The person that I really want to become interested in first, not only, right, but first is myself.