Carly Rose
Appearances
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
I always hear people talk about being the personality hire at their job, but I'm disabled, so I do not work. But I was the personality hire at my children's hospital. And that's a lot to ask of a dying 13-year-old. Morale is super low, and my jokes just don't kill like cancer on the sixth floor. But honestly, being disabled's not that bad. I come with built-in party tricks.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
I have two different options for body shots. And I also don't need any alcohol to black out. I'm really easy to date rape. You just have to make me stand still for five minutes and I will hit the fucking floor.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
Well, I've been working around comedy for about three years. I worked at a venue out in Satellite Beach, Florida.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
And then I started comedy photography, and then I got into doing stand-up.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
Nope. My stomach's paralyzed, so I don't digest properly or absorb nutrients properly, so I'm just perma-skinny.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
I used to get in trouble for eating Jolly Ranchers because when you drain it, it looks like blood.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
No, but I did do a shot once directly through my feeding tube, because why would you want to taste it?
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
No. No. But I did get my uterus removed and that has been very fun sexually because there's just no worries anymore.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
All of my illnesses are genetic and I just felt like it was a responsible decision to not pass this shit on.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
I used to have a lot of pain with sex, so there's none of that. And I knew I wanted to move to Texas and obviously the whole abortion thing here. So it's really nice to not have to worry about that ever. You can't get me pregnant. It's great.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
Sorry to disappoint. I have a boyfriend. There's already someone loading shit in there.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
I'm more like a bank than a dispensary because you make deposits. Gotcha.