Carly
Appearances
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Because they were supposed to go out on Friday.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
I didn't even remember that. It's a coincidence. Come on.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Okay, you guys are reading way too much into this. Like, can we just get on with the gift card thing?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
No, I don't do crypto. She has standards.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
His name is Blaine. I was at Topgolf with some friends. I was there for a friend's birthday party.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
So, like, he was there with a group of guys, and he were in, like, the next stall over. So we were just talking when it wasn't our turn, and, like, we hit it off. Cute.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
So like how, yeah, how he asked me out, I thought it was kind of cute because he gave me his number on a golf ball. Like he wrote it on there with the Sharpies. Oh, that's cool.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Yeah, we said we were going to hang out next Friday. So we kind of planned that even before we left. But then we were texting and I was like, I wanted to see him sooner. So I moved it up to Tuesday.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Yeah, it was a really good date. I got to know a lot about him, like, where he grew up and, like, what's important in his life. And, you know, he's into sports and animals. I love animals, so. Okay.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Yeah, like, dinner drinks.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
I mean, I felt great. Like, he seems like a really great, caring guy. Aw. And we did end up kissing. Ooh.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Oh, it was really good.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Yeah, I mean, you know, like sometimes when your friends will ask you out to some expensive place and you're just not in a place to do that. So I just wanted to be honest and let him know where I was at. So I did tell him that I was a little short on my rent this month.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
yeah he paid for dinner okay she's just sharing i think she's trying to like be honest and be like i'm in a vulnerable place i totally get that i'm just curious how you brought it up like is it seems so out of the blue yeah i mean we were just like talked about the date and then we were talking about like well what's your week like and what are you doing and i was just feeling a little stressed because of this and so like it was just sharing like general stuff no that sounds a
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
He was, like, really sweet, and he did send me a little bit of money. Really? Sounds like he's an amazing guy who cares. I mean, we've been on one date. I wasn't expecting him to do anything.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Yeah, and then we were supposed to go out again, and now he's just not responding. Huh.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Yeah, he didn't say it was a loan.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
I don't know. I mean, like, it might have made it weird, but I really, like, I... I don't know.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Yeah, but I really like him. So, I mean, like, I'd just be really bummed if that's the reason, you know?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Hey, yeah, I'm here. I mean, you're acting like it's a big deal to ask a question. Like I was, you know, and I didn't even ask a question. I was just informing, like I just told him I was still short.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Just A Little Short
Who has to go to work? I mean, like, nobody does. I don't want to.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I feel like you're not wrong. I agree with you guys. I do think. And when you put a scent on, it does change like different body chemistries. So fair enough.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
You had me up until there. I don't know. Now I'm getting, like, creeped by it.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I'll wear my ex-boyfriend's cologne. Oh. Perfect.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
That is actually. I'll wear it.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I guess so.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Yeah, we met on a dating app.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Yeah, it was revealed like midway through the date.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Yeah, so initially his one-liner joke to me about he was the world's okay-est cook. And he had a picture of burnt grilled cheese.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
It did not. No. Oh, OK.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
So, I mean, you know, we've been dating for like 10, 11 days, like not super long. I mean, talking, right? Yeah, we were talking, texting, you know, 10, 11 days. OK.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Well, we decided to meet up for dinner, and we went to Steak and Shake.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
No, I was OK with it. I mean, he burns grilled cheese. So, you know, low standards.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
It was really good. He was super funny, super sweet. He held the door. He was like pulling out my chair.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Yeah, no, I'm old school.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I did, for sure.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Well, he just randomly was like, I collect rubber ducks.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
That's random.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I was kind of like weirded out. I was like, what? And then he said he keeps them for emotional support. Oh.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I didn't know that you could do that.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Yeah, he was like, it was a joke. He was just kidding.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
But that was a joke.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Yeah, no, he has rubber ducks.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Yeah, he had some, like, super funny one-liners like that one, and I laughed so hard that I snorted. Oh.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
And he kind of looked at me, like, really crazy when I did. And I was like, oh.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I don't know. Oh, no. Listen, he still walked me to my car and, like, kissed me and everything. Oh.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
The texting is just not the same. Like, I'm just getting those like little texts here and there. And he's just kind of putting no effort to little effort into things.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I hope not. Yeah.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I feel pretty low, but not as low as you think I do.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Thank you guys. I really hope you can get another date for me. All right.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone. I heard that.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
That is so weird. He didn't know. Ethan, the same as your ex? Are you for real?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
Yeah, well, I am, and that's disturbing. Like, why? Like, okay, seriously, Brooke, Alexis, can you guys help me out on this?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Dragon Thumbs and Aroma Chums
I'm trying. I'm really trying to be open about this. But like, I also, I feel like when you smell a smell, you associate it with whoever was wearing it.
The Ramsey Show
Don't Chase Money, Chase Freedom
Hi. So my question is, my mom just paid off my brother's credit card debt, which is about $70,000. What? Yeah, I know. I know. I know. And you would have thoughts on that. I do too. I begged her not to do it, but that's what happened. She's offering to give me the same amount of money to be fair, I guess. We're equal. It's just the two siblings. And I'm conflicted about whether to take the money.
The Ramsey Show
Don't Chase Money, Chase Freedom
She does. She can afford to do it. I think she feels guilty for giving him the money because I think she knows she shouldn't have.
The Ramsey Show
Don't Chase Money, Chase Freedom
Right. I mean, we have three kids. Obviously, it would be helpful, but we're not... You weren't asking for it.
The Ramsey Show
Don't Chase Money, Chase Freedom
don't do that i didn't say no i just i just felt like conflicted about it because i because also my brother does not have a lot of um doesn't have a high earning potential like he just doesn't have that's not your fault the situation that i'm in with my husband and my kids it's not your fault okay you didn't cause any of this you just showed up to the party in the dna pool
The Ramsey Show
Don't Chase Money, Chase Freedom
You know... a little bit, a little bit. There's like a lot of backstory here. Yeah. A little bit. I mean, I love him and I want to help him and I feel like we've done everything we can and he's just not taking the help. So it's hard. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Hi, my name's Carly. I'm 26 years old and I wanted to know if the D1 quarterback athlete I was talking to was manipulating me or am I just being dramatic?
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Okay. So, yeah. So he's like in his last year, like kind of like grad moment trying to make it type of deal. So he's 22 and we got connected through Snapchat. You know, let me get your Snapchat, which immediately should have been like whatever. But he was just like, what's your Snapchat? And I was like, OK, cool. Like we were at the bars. It wasn't a big deal. That's how we started talking.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
We talked for a while and then I had to go back up to that school to see a friend, went there, hung out with him. We did like hang out for the whole day pretty much. And then we ended up like hooking up. But after that it was, and I knew that I wasn't like trying to get into anything serious or anything like that, but yeah.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
After that, we started talking a lot more consistently, like chatting all day, every day. And mind you, this is like an important part of the story. Our messaging was through Snapchat at this time. He had asked for my number, but when we were talking like the, hey, good mornings, hey, everything, it was through Snapchat. It wasn't pictures, but it was like through the chat function.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
So like we weren't using Snapchat as what Snapchat was really used for. Here and there, we would send like pictures of like whatever, but it was mostly used for the texting function, even though he had my number, whatever. but he would call me through regular number FaceTime through our regular phone numbers. But our like messaging was through Snapchat.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
yeah fair so one my intentions at first it was just like in my eyes it was like oh like duh like it's he's an athlete like i have no expectation it was more fun he was really cool he hit it off because he's like you're like a i don't give a fuck kind of girl like you're older like you don't like he made it seem like all these girls were obsessed with him and i was the only one that was kind of like yeah like you're cool like we'll hang out but i never was like i never gave him like what do you mean that i was like what do you mean he made it seem
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Yeah. He would say like, oh, like I'm not used to like girls, like not like snap, like talking to me right away or answering my calls or like begging to hang out. Like you're not like that. You have like your own stuff going.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
No, at that time, I like really believed it. And then kind of fast forward everything. We were talking a lot, hanging out a lot. And then he got moved to a different team. So it all kind of changed. He got moved, transferred to a different team, all of that. And our...
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
conversation kind of died down a little bit like for a long time for like two three months he was begging to hang out seeing me like all that kind of stuff sure and then he moved he moved there and again with this this snapchat thing to know you guys are talking to each other the most this sounds so stupid as a 26 year old saying this i know that now
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Um, you have like a heart, like a, like a streak or something or whatever, you know? Yeah. That shows that we both talk to each other the most.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Well, we had a conversation because, you know, he moved and all of that and we weren't talking as much. And I was like, I knew that it wasn't really going anywhere, but just because of who he is, he would mention that, you know, all these girls that he like used to talk to and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then I was like, okay, cool. Obviously, you're really busy. You're going through a lot.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
You just transferred to a new team. And that's totally cool. There just doesn't really seem like there's a place for us right now. And I was okay with that at the time. I knew what I was getting into before I got into it. I had a crush on him, but I didn't know him enough to be like, I want to date you. I want to make this something more. And in my head, I also knew even if I wanted that,
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
him being 22 him just kind of the ego that he has recognizing that and almost that's okay like you're 22 you're an athlete you have a lot of you know availability to you i was like i just don't even if i wanted to date you i knew what i was i knew that where it was going okay So I wasn't trying to fight for the relationship. I wasn't like, Hey, I really like you. I'd like to be exclusive.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Like, because I knew even if I put that, I just, I'm 26. I know at this point where that was going to go. So I just said, Hey, you know, you seem really busy because like I said, we were, everything was consistent for a while until he moved four hours away to a new team. And I was like, you're really, and he kept saying, I'm really busy. I'm really busy.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
And in my head, I'm like, no one's ever that busy. And then he kept saying, well, you've never talked to an athlete before. So you don't know what, what it's like. When I say I'm busy, it's not just a regular guy. I'm busy. It's, I have all these practices I have. And then when I get home, I don't always want to talk to someone. So like you say there are excuses. But they're not excuses.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
And in my head, I'm like, I feel like they're still excuses because like you didn't have two seconds to like call. And like, I'm not trying to be needy. I wasn't trying to like tell him what to do. But in my head, when someone wants to talk to you, they will, even if it's a little, hey, I had a really busy day. I'd love to call you later or I'll talk to you tomorrow. I've had a really busy day.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
It's just a little bit of communication goes a long way. But in his head, it's like he wants to do it his way. So I tried to like and that was fine. He wasn't getting what I was saying. And I'm not going to like argue with someone to make someone call me or text me. So I was just like, hey, no big deal. You seem really busy. You have a lot going on.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
I just think that it's best if we go our own ways. And like he immediately responded and he was like, well, I didn't see that coming. Like they're not excuses. Like you keep saying they're excuses and they're not.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
So from there, I was like, okay, maybe you're, maybe you're being genuine. Like, I don't know. I've never talked to an athlete before. So I have no idea exactly how rigorous your schedule are. You are there. You seem busy. These he's in, he goes to a really good school for football. So like, I felt like I, maybe I was wrong. So that happened.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
And then I still, there were signs and there was feelings in me that was like, I feel like he's talking to someone else because like,
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
the communication slows down you don't ask to hang out for a month like all these little signs that kind of i knew in my gut weren't just i'm busy and then i kind of let it go i was just like i'm just gonna see how things go i'm not gonna like bother him like much i'm just gonna let like play it out that's when i think the text that i sent in we the snapchat heart disappeared which means he was talking to someone way more than he was talking to me okay and in my head i was like boom okay
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
everything that I knew is kind of clicking together. And that's when the texts come in about him saying, you know, how dare a 26 year old act like this. I sent you a thousand dollars for Valentine's day. I sent you flowers, like all of these things. Like I always send you money when you go out to go eat.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Like I always like try to give you these little things to show you that like, I still like fuck with you. And so he just kept saying, I can't believe you're ending this over a Snapchat heart, like a Snapchat heart. You really cared that much about a Snapchat heart. And I'm like, it's not about the Snapchat heart. That was just like the cherry on top of what I already knew.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
And he just kept saying over and over in the text messages. And I kind of kept just saying, it's not about the heart. I wasn't going on and on. I was just saying, it's not about the heart. And he was like, you're crazy that you're a 26 year old and you're acting like this. You know, you're being crazy right now. You know that you're overreacting, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
And I was like, does he really think this is about a Snapchat hurt? Like, it's not. It's just confirming what I knew. And then fast forward where we are today. He kind of blew up my phone a little bit about it. And I was like, he's not getting it. This is not about the Snapchat hurt. I'm not going to keep going back and forth the conversation to try to tell you it's not about a Snapchat hurt.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
You know it's not. And then I let two days go by. I didn't respond to his texts. He stopped texting me. He stopped calling me because he was trying to when that all happened. And I just called him because I was like in my head, I was, it was kind of my ego, but I was like, I don't want him to think that I'm immature. And I ended this over a Snapchat heart.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Like I want him to know why I was like over it. And then I called him and he was like, you know, you were being ridiculous. It's not about the Snapchat heart. I am going through a lot. Like I really care about you. I really like want to like see where things go. I see a future with you and stuff like, You're really cool. Like you're someone I want to talk to.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
It's just, I hate the team that I've transferred to. I don't fuck with anybody here. Everyone sucks. I'm going through a lot with my family, like everything in my life. It just feels like it's going on and on. And then like you, and then you were like my piece of things. Like I felt like we didn't have any issues.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
And then randomly you just like blew up on me about this Snapchat heart and freaking out about this stuff. And then basically you, He wanted me to recognize that I was being dramatic about the heart and about everything. And he even said, oh, you wanted that YSL purse. I wouldn't even have gotten that for a girlfriend.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
I was going to give you the $800 because he had given me $1,000 for Valentine's Day just because. And the YSL purse that I wanted is like $1,800. And he was like, well, I was going to give you the $800 more. And then you pulled that bullshit on me. But you're working your way up. And obviously, we've been talking since then. He was like, but you're working your way up.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Yeah. And part of me, we have a very joking relationship. So part of me was like, is he like, just like, Oh, like, don't worry. Like you're, you're getting back there. Like, but in my head, I feel like he genuinely thinks that like I was being dramatic.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Not like fully, but I think that if I express that I was upset about it, I feel like if I express it.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Because sometimes it's been a pattern when I bring something up that bothers me. You know I was joking. You know that I wasn't serious.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
I can't tell because like he does seem very like as a 22 year old, he does seem like immature in that way. Like he just seems very like he just wants to like let it pass. Like it's not that big of a deal. He says that a lot. It's really not that big.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
trying to figure out whether this is a guy you should pursue in a relationship are you trying to figure out whether you're right yeah you know like what what are you trying to figure out here yeah so I guess like whether it's worth still pursuing or not because since then we had that conversation he was like you're right like you're right in the fact that like I need to make a different effort like I like things could be different so now since then we had that conversation we have ditched snapchat it's gone
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Um, he texts me in the morning, you know, when he wakes up for workouts, good morning with a heart. And then we don't really talk much during the day. And then he calls me every night and like, we talk, we just catch up and stuff. And it seems like things have moved in a better direction, but I guess it still doesn't address
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
just the way that he you know responded to the situation of me being upset and how to figure out when someone is too busy or like and maybe that's a conversation to have with him like one is this worth pursuing because you're genuine about hey you're busy you really do care about me but you know you have to work around my schedule or is it sure you are one of the many and i'm just kind of yeah you know how long you been fucking with this guy hanging out with this guy for
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Since like December, like mid-December, before the holidays.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Yeah, so it was literally up until probably... So when he was like an hour away, you know, we would be pretty much talking all day long. He would FaceTime me, you know, catch me up on his day, like everything like that. We would make plans to hang out. You know, he was an hour. So you'd be like, hey, come up here like we can, you know, you stay for the weekend or.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
And that would happen pretty much every weekend or every other weekend. It was very consistent.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
like that part because it didn't matter to me at that point because I was still talking to people a little bit and the reason why this bothered me so much is because he would make sly comments because we would kind of joke about like our hoes but like not really having hoes and he'd be like well I would make you my girlfriend or I would do this if you weren't like fucking around with I'm not fucking around like talking to these guys like how would that make me seem as a guy if I'm gonna like do all these things for you if you're still talking to other people so then in my head I said okay
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
I'll cut them off then. It wasn't a big deal. I was like, okay, I like you the most. Like I'll cut them off. And he was like, uh, and that was it. I never said anything to him.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
I would say in the middle. Okay, so about... Like, I definitely have way more immature friends, but I do have friends that are a little bit more immature.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
And that might be because of the age range. Like I haven't really talked to anyone that's older than me. A lot of the guys that I've dated and talked to are younger than me, but also I live in a city in the South that is very girl dominated. So the guys here are,
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Um, it, the guys have a lot of options compared to the girls, um, which is why, you know, I would spend a lot of my time going, you know, up to the city of the school that I went to because it's a really big football city. Like, um, and then when I go home, but I never really focused on, um, like I'm not like online dating or anything like that.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Um, but yeah, I feel like a lot of the guys are immature. I haven't really, yeah. In my experience.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
you know fucking with or you know sending news to yeah the things he's asking for it's it's different than like for example this again this is that right now I'm watching his dog because he he's like my dog like and I know him because I hung out with his dog so many times that does not like other people I was like really like does not whatever
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
So he went to a different state to do training for spring break. And I was like, I'll watch him. No big deal. So right now, I have him. And when he needs help, he's like, I need someone to clean my house. Will you help me? Will you get on a FaceTime with me? Try to get someone to help me. He was with his family the other day. And he was like, oh, everyone say hi to my girl.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Obviously, didn't name me. And just stuff like that. Or hey, you're really smart. You're older. I just feel like just, that's just the way he talks. Like he always refers to me like as his girl, but not like, like to me and to other people. Like if he's on FaceTime with a friend when I'm at like his like house.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
No, but that, that was okay to me because that we, like, I don't think of him as my boyfriend either.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
No, I think of him as like someone like I care about that. I could like see like something, something, it going somewhere, but I don't think we're at that point like at all.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Because I care about him and I care about the dog. And I knew that it would lessen a little on him.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Yeah. And I think that's also because of my ego is I'm not the type. I'll never ask you to hang out first. So I think I have so many questions because it's also my fault because I'm not, I'm letting him, role how he wants and playing cool girl and not like freaking out about it, which makes it easy on him. But it's also like, yeah, I do have questions like, are we going to be something?
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
, , , , , , ,, in P P P P P P P P P P P實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a a a a a to P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P , , , , , ,, in P P P P P P P P實實,實, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a sol a That's exactly what he said about the other girls. He'd be like, they asked what, what I want right away.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
And they're so worried about what we're going to be. And like, you just like, don't give a fuck. And you're even though inside I give a little bit of a fuck.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
You give as many fucks as they do. But I know the reality of this situation.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Yeah, exactly. Because that's what he said. That's literally like, basically without saying it, he's like, Yeah. And it's just, I, yeah, from here, it's just, you think, but you think having a conversation, like drop off the dog and have the conversation or draw or figure out a way to get him back. Cause we haven't even figured because he's four hours away.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
When I picked him up, I drove four hours, picked him up, hung out with him for two hours and drove back.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Is there a good way to respond? Cause I know how he's going to respond. He's going to say, you're doing this again. I told you that I would try harder. I told you things would be different. I told you, is there like a good, like, Because I don't want to seem like I'm jumping on things as soon as things aren't going my way. Because that's what he says.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Yeah. It's what I said the first time, but I did not stand my ground on it. And I just.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Yeah. And you hit it right on the head when you said like, I hate being like the bad guy in people's eyes because like I have done so much and it's going to really annoy me if he's going to think she was immature.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Yeah, you're absolutely right. Yep. That's good advice. It's, it's what I needed, what I knew, but needed to hear from someone other than my friends. Cause it's just a story.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
yeah and they they love the story now they want you to introduce you to some of like you know they're like i don't know is the linebacker single exactly like they wanted me to bring you know them to games and like make a weekend meet weekends of it it's like oh it's not that big of a deal you know just like ride the wave sure type of thing and for a while it was fine but i feel like like you said it's been four months and listen if you could and i'm not this is not a dare and like i very much i'm i say this with caution
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Yeah. Well, thank you. I, yeah. Once, like you said, going to chill this week with the dog, then find a way to get, get him back. And then I don't just go from there.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Yeah. Don't be like, we have to talk. He's not your boyfriend. Just kind of. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E913 - My Twin Sister's Affair
Okay. Well, thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
Well, I sent the judge a letter explaining his illness, and my fears are, A, he's going to hurt himself, he's going to hurt somebody else, or somebody's going to hurt him. He doesn't have any social skills at this point to stay at the homeless shelter. He didn't have that a year ago. He didn't have the ability, the social, his social behaviors and regulation and what to do was out the window.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
The best thing that can happen, and it sounds horrible, is that he ends up back in jail. At least I know where he is and he's safe. I mean, it certainly isn't ideal, especially if he's in isolation and I have no control over him and I have no control over the judge, the social workers, the people in the jail, whatever I have to say. I can say all day long, but they do what they do, right?
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
So I don't want to be not hopeful about There's always a miracle that can happen. And I feel like regardless of the brain disease, we're all on a journey, right? We're all on a journey.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
our own journey and um he's on his and he's on this this pathways and i don't know why and i i will never know why whatever happens why this happened and um you know it's his journey it's his journey just like my journey my journey is my journey and somebody can walk along with me I can walk along. I've been walking beside him. I'm walking beside him, maybe guiding him and supporting him.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
That's all I could do. And once he decided he didn't want that anymore for whatever reason, then he's basically on his own and to whatever is going to happen, it's going to happen.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
Right. Yes. Number one, we didn't cause it, right? we as parents, friends, family, we didn't cause it. We can't cure it and we can't control it. All we can control is our response to it. And we have to make a decision as family members or friends, what we're going to do. How can I best help this person if that's even available, if it's available to help and have boundaries.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
And I think people really need to know that It's okay to have boundaries. If your loved one is violent, you don't have to, it sounds awful, but if they're being violent in your home, you don't have to put up with that. Your life doesn't have to be ruined because your loved one has a brain disease that's affecting you.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
I think that people knowing that they're not alone, and that's why I love what you're doing is you're not alone. There's lots of us friends and families of relatives with seriously mentally ill people all over the world, I'm sure. We've all sacrificed a lot of time and energy and worry and fear. And the what ifs and the should haves and the guilt, right? We feel guilty.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
Well, maybe I should have said this or shouldn't have done that or what have you. And in that, it's not productive. It's not productive. The best thing we can do for our loved ones is to take care of ourselves. It all comes down to we have to stay healthy. If we go downhill, we're depressed and we're in a bad place. We're not helping them.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
So the best thing we can do, the bottom line for ourselves is to take care of ourselves. It's okay to have fun. It's okay to have fun. It's okay to enjoy your life. And we can't sacrifice our life because this is happening or happening to somebody we love. We can't sacrifice our life for them. And that's the best thing we can do is to stay healthy ourselves.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
Yeah, definitely not saying it's easy, but I think we have to realize that it's something...
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
When he was in his last year of high school, he had a lot of those symptoms where he didn't want to get out of bed. He didn't want to do anything and or go anywhere and stop going to school. And there was also the other extreme where he was acting a little like silly and goofy and odd, just odd. So I did bring him to a psychiatrist. And they did evaluate him.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, that's why the bottom line is we have to take care. So if he turns around and I don't know what happens, I want to be in a good place. If we're to have a relationship, things turn around, things turn around 100%. He's stable again. He needs assistance for whatever reason.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
And he was originally put in the hospital. And that's when he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Somewhere along there was schizoaffective disorder. So that's where he had. He kind of ranges between being depressed and having some of that mania along with symptoms of schizophrenia where he did the paranoia and the delusions and things like that. Hearing voices.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
Yeah, we were referred to a psychiatrist. So we started seeing the psychiatrist. Unfortunately, during that period of time, he was also using drugs unbeknownst to me. And that particular psychiatrist fired him because he confessed to using drugs along with his medication. We found somebody else.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
We found this fabulous registered nurse practitioner who we saw for many years, and he did very good for a long time.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
Well, then and now are like two different lifetimes, right? When he's that young.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
It wasn't as serious as it is now. You know, when I look back, see how he is like, I've never this past two years, I've never seen him in such a decline in such state where he didn't even recognize who I was. My husband and I have been in this, you know, his stepfather. over his house weekly, helping him with groceries or transportation.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
He's also in a wheelchair because he lost a leg due to a psychotic break he had. And so we gave him, you know, we spent time with him. And when he was younger, eventually he got his own apartment. We were living in South Florida. He got his own apartment. He was on his medication, but he was doing things like roaming town in the middle of the night, like just going out walking.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
I'm like, Nathan, you can't be walking around at night. You're going to get in trouble. But it didn't kind of, oh, I've talked to the police. They're fine. I tell them who I am. And he continued that even when we moved north. He even continued that behavior while he was still able to walk. It was just odd behavior, not sleeping at night, always have a hard time sleeping and managing his moods.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
You know, he'd fluctuate from being depressed to being manic. And he's doing he's an artist. He's a writer. He plays music, writes music. And so, you know, he'd be kind of like up all night. He'd get in these creative modes and he'd be up and then he'd go the other direction where you couldn't get him out of bed to do anything.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
It's bad. I'd say about two years ago, he started playing around with his medication dosage, unbeknownst to me. I think this whole thing with him ending up in jail started with COVID. So he tends to be rather isolated anyways, but he was living in disabled housing. So the people around him had some sort of disability. He did have friends and neighbors. be associated with. But COVID happened.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
And then just coming out of COVID, there were things, there were small red flags where I'd be like, hmm, what's going on here? This is a little odd. He's going to change the pictures hanging on the wall because they were evil. That was a red flag. He wasn't eating. He lost a lot of weight. He was just acting not like himself. He had bed sores.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
Part of this all started with bed sores where he's in bed a lot, trying to alleviate that. And I went over one day, he said he was meditating, but he didn't recognize who I was. He was in his bed and I called to have him Baker acted.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
That was a big fiasco. They wouldn't bake or act him, even though I told him about the incident where he did a lot of self-harm. A number of years ago, he did a lot of self-harm, and thankfully he woke up and called 911 himself. But even with that knowledge that he was a danger to himself and possibly to other people, I had to go to the courthouse and have him ex-partied.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
That was extremely stressful because this took hours. I had to leave. I'm like, you mean I've got to leave him in his house where I don't know what he's going to do, go downtown and get these papers and then wait upon the police or whoever is picking them up. It ended up being firemen, police and ambulance. And I was terrified.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
We hear stories about the mentally ill getting shot or killed because they defend themselves. He was very aggressive, walked me out of the house while we were waiting, screamed and yelled. His nurse had come, happened to come by, screamed and yelled at us to get out. And it was very scary, but they brought him to the hospital. And this was 2023 in July. He was in the hospital for three weeks.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
That was horrible. He banged his head. He had stitches and was very aggressive. He knocked over nurses. He did horrible things while he was there. And I'm like, Don't tell me what he's doing. And I didn't go see him. They ended up having to put him in the hospital because he needed stitches. And then things got worse. And they put him in a coma. His behavior was so outrageous.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
They put him in a coma for a couple of days. I went up to see him because he was basically sleeping. And I played him music. We usually play music together. I brought Laylee and I played for him. And he kind of knew I was there. And then when he woke up, they took him out of it. The medical director of the ICU is where they did it. Said, oh, he can go home now.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
No, he can't. He can't go home now. He can't take care of himself. He hasn't been regulated on his medication. So there's been this history of him being hospitalized and they let him go too soon. Like he's not stabilized yet. He's not at baseline yet. And so I was able to get him back into behavioral health and they didn't keep him long.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
At least it was a little bit longer, but he continued with the behavior of, I don't want to take the medication. I'm not sick. What's the word? Anisognasia.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
Yeah. So he doesn't recognize at this point that he's ill and he needs medication. So he continued and I tried, you know, putting his medication, helping with his medication, you know, his weekly thing. And at this point, I was going over every day for months. I was thinking, you know, I have some control over this medication. baffling and cunning disease, right?
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
Which I had no control whatsoever, but I was trying, I could see the train wreck happening and I couldn't stop it is what was happening. And he started doing some bad behaviors in his apartment that he'd live in for 17 years. He wouldn't keep his clothes on. He was banging on people's doors all night. He was taking mushrooms and weed.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
I don't know if there was anything else, but those two I do know. I did talk to him. He wouldn't listen. And like I said, we were there every week. And he called me every day. I didn't see it coming.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
I felt, I think, in the end that love wasn't enough. Love... and caring and showing up literally wasn't enough to keep him from doing what happened he needed we needed social support that didn't exist his psychiatrist ended up firing him because he called up he was making these awful phone calls and saying terrible crazy things to people or writing emails.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
I actually got a call from, he had art in a gallery. I actually got a call from the gallery owner saying, do you know what's going on with your son? And I said, yes, he's unmedicated. He's not doing well. And she shared with me the message she left. And it was just like, you couldn't even follow it. It didn't make any sense. And he was angry. And she said, should I be afraid?
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
And I said, I can't tell you that. I said, if you're afraid, you can call the police. He's in a wheelchair. He has one leg. He doesn't have a car. But I'm not going to tell you not to protect yourself or your people. And so, you know, he was back to was causing a lot of trouble at his apartment complex. So his baker acted at one time, Marchman acted another in the third one that ended up in.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
And this is a matter of a few months where he actually attacked his neighbors, which were his friends.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
physically attacked an elderly lady and his friend who was his neighbor so he called me a few times after that they released him a couple times you know he's not gonna get better and you can't have a rational conversation with somebody who's not rash right he's calling me sister something like he didn't know who he was sister something so with all this going on what was next what happened from there
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
They let him go from jail twice. He got rearrested within 24 hours because he doesn't know what to do or where to go. He went back to his apartment, got rearrested there for trespassing and something else another time. We put him in a hotel one night, but the next day he wouldn't get out of the room.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
It's like, okay, we're going to go to the homeless shelter and these are the rules and this is what you have to do and so on and so forth. Yeah, that was an arrest. So after those two releases and arrests, they just kept him there. And he's had several different lawyers talking to the lawyers occasionally.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
The social worker, I would call every couple of weeks, he's aggressive and noncompliant and doesn't cooperate. And I believe he's been in isolation a lot. I don't know if the whole time, but they don't basically in the jail, you know, if the patient, if the client, participant, whatever, On medication, they can't force it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
I'm happy to be here and I'm glad you're here too. Really important topic and conversation that needs recognition.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
And no matter how many times they said to the lawyer and sent letters to the judge, he originally had three felonies, which would have gotten him the help that he needed. The judge put a court order early on, but the lawyer at that time didn't want to ask that or whatever.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
At this point, they're misdemeanors. And with the misdemeanors, they just tell me they can't court order medication and they can't court order him because he needs to be in the state hospital to get stabilized. That's what I think. He needs to be somewhere long-term where we've got professionals taking care of him. They just tell me we can't do that. At this point, he's a difficult placement.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
They could place him in a group home or there's another place that helps people with cognitive issues. But with him being aggressive, he will cause problems there or maybe even flee. They don't know. So I don't know that they're going to come up with a good discharge plan that is going to really help.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
I mean, I can say, well, maybe I should have done this at that time or that at that time. I mean, I tried to get him Baker. You know, you think of the Baker Act as answer. It wasn't going to be an answer if he continued to refuse his medication. It's already on this. The medication is poison. It doesn't help me. I'm not sick. I don't need it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
I feel like at this point there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
I'm a licensed clinical social worker. I'm retired. My son was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 17. He's now 47 years old. We've had periods of instability and periods of stability. And he's been in jail for over a year now for incidences he caused due to his lack of taking his medication.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
As much as I tried, I tried for months. Like I said, I sat there with him. I literally made a list. Keep your clothes on. Keep your music down. Stay in the house after such and such. I mean, I'd come home and I'd go back to his house the next day. And of course, it'd be crumpled up in the trash. There was a point where of no return.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
From Diagnosis to Detention: How Schizophrenia Changed Two Lives Forever
That was what initially I was trying because you could see it happening. And it was like, if only they would keep him longer at the hospital, that's what would have saved him. But that wasn't happening.