Billy Sherman
Appearances
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
What's up, everybody? Yeah. So I'm Puerto Rican, Portuguese, Native American, Middle Eastern, Italian, and Jewish. And if I was a woman, I would look exactly the same. I'm Puerto Rican and Jewish, which means I'm expensive garbage, so... Yeah, it's tough. It's tough being Puerto Rican and Jewish. Puerto Ricans are known for two things. They know how to dance and stab people.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
So please laugh at these jokes. I was driving down the street the other day, and I saw a sign that said, drive like your kids live here. So I drove away. Actually, I don't remember what I was doing, because I was wasted. Yeah. My mom told me that if my son pees on me, it means that he loves me. So I figured I'd show my dad some love. And now I can't go back to the cemetery.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Okay, where at? I started in Honolulu, Hawaii. Okay. Do you still live there? No, I live here in Austin now. How long ago did you move here? I just moved here in September of last year.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Yeah, I just do jiu-jitsu. But you've been doing it for a long time. Three years. How did your ear get so fucked up in three years? I did. I just... That bitch is terrifying. It's a vagina on the side of my head. I just... I really love the sport, man, and I just, I love rubbing up against some people, you know? It's tight. Wow.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Wow. Billy, what do you do for work? I'm a property manager.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I don't know. I just deal with a lot of folks who live in apartment complexes, and then there's people that are always doing drugs, and I have to be like, you can't do that here, man.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I'm in my third trimester. I drive a car that looks like me. It's a 1999 Toyota Yaris. Kind of what I pictured. It looks just like me. Blue? That's a little gray.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Billy, you ever win in jiu-jitsu? I've got maybe about 15 gold medals. Oh, wow. Holy shit. I said that. Yeah. Master's division, though. I'm 32, so I don't know. I'm an old guy. You're in the old guy's division.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Right now, nothing. Not really happening. Right. But, yeah, I just got that. A lot of black chicks. I like black women. You like black women? I like black women. I like them brown, Asian, black, yeah.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
What happened? How do you do that? White, black, brown. Well, I'm Puerto Rican, so, you know, I got some melanin. You know what I mean? You got some what? I got some of that melanin.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Black women are natural-born lovers, very loyal, and they cook really fucking good, and I like to eat, so that's important to me.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Besides stand-up comedy and jiu-jitsu, I do some Adderall occasionally. I like to get kind of tore up sometimes. What do you mean by tore up? I'll wear this shirt. This is actually my favorite shirt. I like to wear this. Yeah, this is my favorite shirt. I like to just do a lot of Adderall and just get blazed up and just have a good time on the street. You mean smoke pot? No, I wouldn't do that.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I drink a lot, and I do Adderall. Okay. So how does that equal to blazed up? You smoke Adderall? No, I never snorted. I thought about doing it. I've never done it yet. It's time for a new shirt. Did you think about that? I got to lose some weight first, man. Then I can keep it. Billy, it's a very tiny shirt. I would fit in it. It's struggling. It's unbelievable. You want to trade?
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I wouldn't mind it, yeah. I wonder if I could fit in it. I think you could fit in it.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I am... It almost fits better. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. This is the best. He look like a real illegal now. Yeah. Shit, man. What the fuck, man? Yeah.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Not that kind, not that kind. I love meat! I like meat. It's like a game. I love burger and pizzas and sushi and shit, you know.