Bert Kreischer

In Wrigleyville, and a woman... Behind the bar, in front of the bar, handed me a remote control and said, press the button. And I went, okay. And I pressed it, and she went, huh. I said, what? She goes, I have a vibrator in my vagina. That turns it on. And I went, let me get my friend real quick.

Ladies, ladies, that's the move. I'm telling you right now. You want to own a man's inner dialogue for the rest of the night? That is the move. If you are a party fun girl, you do that. And you go to a bar. You're in college. You find a guy. Give him the remote and say, I'll see you in like 10 minutes. And that guy will do nothing but think about you. I woke up thinking about her.

Ladies, ladies, that's the move. I'm telling you right now. You want to own a man's inner dialogue for the rest of the night? That is the move. If you are a party fun girl, you do that. And you go to a bar. You're in college. You find a guy. Give him the remote and say, I'll see you in like 10 minutes. And that guy will do nothing but think about you. I woke up thinking about her.

Ladies, ladies, that's the move. I'm telling you right now. You want to own a man's inner dialogue for the rest of the night? That is the move. If you are a party fun girl, you do that. And you go to a bar. You're in college. You find a guy. Give him the remote and say, I'll see you in like 10 minutes. And that guy will do nothing but think about you. I woke up thinking about her.

I woke up... I'm pretty sure her boyfriend...

I woke up... I'm pretty sure her boyfriend...

I woke up... I'm pretty sure her boyfriend...

Yeah, she had a boyfriend.

Yeah, she had a boyfriend.

Yeah, she had a boyfriend.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

I was going to say, you got to get one. No, because I think we've been with each other too long. I just do it right as the guy goes, yeah, well, can I get you to drink? I'd hit it. She's like, I'm going to take a, hold on, cold beer, cold beer. Dude, I wish they had those for guys. They do. They do? Yeah. No, not, I don't want to. No, not in your ass. I mean, for your dick. For real? Yeah.

I was going to say, you got to get one. No, because I think we've been with each other too long. I just do it right as the guy goes, yeah, well, can I get you to drink? I'd hit it. She's like, I'm going to take a, hold on, cold beer, cold beer. Dude, I wish they had those for guys. They do. They do? Yeah. No, not, I don't want to. No, not in your ass. I mean, for your dick. For real? Yeah.

I was going to say, you got to get one. No, because I think we've been with each other too long. I just do it right as the guy goes, yeah, well, can I get you to drink? I'd hit it. She's like, I'm going to take a, hold on, cold beer, cold beer. Dude, I wish they had those for guys. They do. They do? Yeah. No, not, I don't want to. No, not in your ass. I mean, for your dick. For real? Yeah.

And you can give her the remote. I'd be like, just turn it on. No, don't touch it.

And you can give her the remote. I'd be like, just turn it on. No, don't touch it.

And you can give her the remote. I'd be like, just turn it on. No, don't touch it.

It's good for summer. Except my asshole sweats. And so I have an ass sweat stain in my asshole. So, like, if I sit down for too long, you just see, like, a wet mark. Dude. It's real sexy. It is.