Armie Hammer
Appearances
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's usually not on. Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
What do you think is going on?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
That's a nutritional issue.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
good eye oh we got a fucking cinematographer over here hey what's i gonna say what um can i tell you what i do and this is a very spiritually enlightened because i'm a very spiritually enlightened person yeah tom i see every day yeah as a new opportunity yeah wow that's really cool and then i go like do that and that gives me new lease on life every day yeah yeah sure I'm serious.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yes, Tom. I have started using Viya because I've given up alcohol and I'm such a huge fan. I got the very minimal THC gummy because you know mommy doesn't like to get too wild.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I swear it's exactly the same.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I eat it every time I come into the office. I like the cocoa ones outstanding and the fruity pebbly flavor. And plus it's different colors and textures. It's fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, there's Leanne doing the luge. There's Larson over there. There's Chris, yeah. Look at Neona's face. She's like, oh. Look at him. He's not even phased.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Who won the Cunty Award? Caitlin. Oh, I love that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And ever since I was in the cancer club, I'm in the cancer club every day. You just got to like, you don't know. You can't make plans.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Timing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Who is this Chris Larson?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I feel like he doesn't like us.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Remember last year at the holiday party he was threatening to fight you? I did do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I respect it too. No, last holiday party, he was threatening to fight you and everyone else. I don't remember that either. Remember, wasn't he issuing threats to people, like, I'm going to fight you, I'm going to fight you?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
No, I imagine you're terrible at service industry work. You'd be the worst, like a waiter, remembering multiple orders and specificity. Yeah, but you're not a servant. You're not good at service, I would say. It's not in your DNA. Now, I worked in a bar. I was a waitress. I was very good at it. I was a barista. I can remember multiple things and work under high pressure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I feel like you can't do those things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
But can it start at like 5? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, I'd like to see him karaoke. Let's do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
He never has said that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
He's like a cat that hates us. I love you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
wow Tom can I show you something I've been dying to fucking show you yeah so remember how we talk about all the time when I hit menopause yeah that I'm gonna really shut it down yeah and I'm gonna start dressing very masculine and I'm gonna get my hair cut very exciting very short yeah I found the hairdresser that I will be going to to get my cool new haircut when is this happening probably well let's see 48 my period's kind of slowing down like in two years two years so I have two years left
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yep, get it in.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
But I want you to see the haircuts that we've been talking about. This person on Instagram, this lady, is doing them and thriving.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Well, hey, horrific to us, but fantastic to some. So this woman specializes in giving the menopausal, angry chick haircut.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Not even at that extreme. Everybody needs to go to a better hairdresser.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
This is not the cut for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Never, never do it yourself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I know. Yeah, you should get a real one. But I'm so stoked to finally find this woman on Instagram, and I just, please play them. Please play it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It looks great so far. It's a four in the back, guys. It's hot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, I know. I'm telling you. And these chicks love it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
She's cutting it super. So just so you know, high and tight in the back, short up to the ears. Nice and spiky in the front. Ooh, yeah. Here she goes. I mean, that's a high and tight cut, cleaning up the neckline. Yeah. What does this do to your penis?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And now she looks even worse.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Spiky cuts. It's like, just so you know, it's like the total Karen. It's the Karen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
What I like is that it's short.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
No, no. This is a haircut that's so spiky that anyone tries to hug you, it's like porcupine quills. Don't hug me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's super short on top, but then she leaves the bangs, which is kind of a sassy, fun look.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So this is like the Midwestern version of shut it down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
This is like where it's higher in the back and then it angles down sharply. But she put some highlights into it, so she's still a woman. She hasn't completely. It's just we're at the end of the window.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah. She's not totally shut down, but look at that expression.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
She's like, I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I know. Do you want to know what I just remembered? Do you ever, you remember like a childhood trauma? Like, you know, at the time it's normal. And then you're like, Oh, you know, do you remember Bartles and James wine coolers?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
God damn it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Is it safe to assume that there's no man on earth that likes this haircut on a woman?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, this haircut is dick repellent. It is literally broadcasting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Because the woman giving it to her was a bull. What the fuck?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It looked so bad. It was totally short and spiky.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah. We went to a Silver Lake salon down the street, and we lived in a gay neighborhood at the time. The gayest neighborhood. The woman who cut your mother's hair was just a big, bold, butch lesbian. Yeah. And so she was thrilled. She was like, oh, great. Get my meat hooks on this one. Oh, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
She's younger.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And she's young.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And the razor cut. Just a lot of product.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Horrible. It's all bad. You got to curl it under in the back. I'm going to send this to Alan. Make sure he does this for me next time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
My mom used to just let me drink them. And I was, I was Ellis's age. I was nine. Really? Yeah. Like she didn't know. I don't, or maybe she did. They tasted so good. And to this day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, tucked behind the ears and the high bob in the back. Oh, I had this haircut and I shouldn't throw stones.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
You know, I had this haircut in like 92 when I was in charge here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And this is the Vidal Sassoon asymmetrical cut.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
But see, she looks cute. Hers is good. Hers is, yeah, it's fine. It's decent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
That's the point. Yeah. There you go. All better now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Your nose?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Whoa, look at my artwork behind you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
RIP to a legend, John Amos. Remember, I put this pussy on you so good this day you could barely move.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I know, but can I tell you something?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Isn't that what guys really want?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I'm going to do this for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's insanity. It's Facebook, too, yeah? Yeah. No, that's like the mom place. Maybe Instagram.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
No, but the, the original flavor, like the OG.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
He didn't know what to do. R.I.P. R.I.P. Rest in this pussy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
The crying and the screaming. Just remembering my pussy on you. Yeah. And I'm crying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Jesus. That's the fucking post. I know. And look, she's cute too in her bikini. She knows what she's doing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
because she's she's advertising to the other fellas yeah look at look at me look at me and see this guy here oh my god you don't understand what i did i killed him with my i can kill you too guys women are so smart she knows what she's doing mariah it's pretty awesome man she know what she do by the way when john amos was talking it was like mirror mirror the two of you i was so distracted
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
None of this shit. All these flakes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It is growing longer and wider. What is wrong with you? Your nostrils are so big. What are you talking about? I'm telling you the truth. I love you. I'm the only one that's going to tell you this stuff. I'm your wife. I have to tell you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
You would tell me if I look fucked up, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah. I like the OG ones. The two, two guys on the porch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
look at your drawing wait but you will tell me right hey babe will you tell me if i get a bad haircut and you're like i hate that yeah you swear if it's a haircut like that yeah would you tell me if i got like really fat or i kind of feel like i know it's kind of weird that's a weird one i know but i i mean i got fat after i had babies obviously you were nice about it yeah
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So what I'm saying is... Weaker and dumb or emotionally intelligent?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yes. She would let me have a wine cooler every night. And I'm like, hmm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Then how would you tell me?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, my God. I hate you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I hate you so much.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I know. But it really was tasty. Truly foreign. Truly foreign.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Okay. Thank you. Bye now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Hey, man, you have a podcast now. It's true. What's the podcast like? Dude, I mean, well, it's hilarious because it's me and my buddy Jerry and we shoot it in the living room slash office slash bedroom slash closet of my tiny ass apartment. And we just bring in cameras. And, you know, when we first started, we were using construction lights.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Bootstrapping it. That's the way to start a podcast. And you guys have guests. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we kind of had to start with people that I know as guests because reaching out and being like, hey, the cannibal guy wants you to be on their podcast.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, I know. But anyway, I agree. You know, it's all short. It happens so fast.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So it was like, this is my best friend and this is my attorney. And like, it's kind of started out like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And my mother. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
How was two episodes with mom? You know, uh, I guess the whole reason I'm doing this podcast is like basically I'm just trying to lean into the shit that makes me uncomfortable, right? Like I want to have uncomfortable conversations and I couldn't imagine a more uncomfortable conversation to have on air than with my mother. You know, so it was intense.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It was intense, but it was cathartic in a way. And then it went really well and she was happy and then... then it's complicated. Sure. Like all kind of mother-son relationships.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, I have to tell you, I watched it. I watched it just to see it because I was listening and I'm like, I have to see these two.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And your mother is a very beautiful, blonde, demure woman. And you guys have, you have like a really balls out conversation about your childhood. Yeah. And what was really sweet about Army is that I can tell you've been in a lot of therapy and you're trying not to judge her. And it's so hard when you become a parent to not judge your parents, actually, even harder.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, 100%.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Because now I fucking hate my parents.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Listen, I also am well aware that my daughter and son are going to get to a certain point where they then do therapy and then they go, I hate my dad, too. And I'm like, fuck, I'm trying here. Yeah. Yeah. But I'll tell you what was really important for me is someone once told me, they said, you know that your parents don't have tools that they're not using, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's not even a coffee. Look how blonde this is. It's just milk. You get the dairy off. Why don't you suck your mom's tits and drink that milk?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And I said, what do you mean? They said, they're using every tool in their toolbox. They're using every trick in their arsenal. So when anything falls short, it's not because they know they can do better and they're not. They're honestly just doing the best that they can.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Did you guys hear it? Did you hear it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
He choked again. He choked, right? You heard it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Did you hear it? I missed it. He was like in the, morons. That's so dramatic. Why are you being so dramatic? Because this is the third time now that you've choked and I think you're having a stroke. We should get you to the doctor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Are you turning into Larry King?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
No, that's not true. I'm very popular. Aren't I better? You don't know me. We just met.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I know. For your little baby, suck your thumb.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's too early for me to make a judgment call here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
But don't you feel like I'm way more fun and stuff? I'm a better vibe? Anyway.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I refuse to be put on the spot like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And loving it. Really? Oh, my God. The timeshare world is fucking wild.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh man. I have so much to say about this. Um, Yeah, so it was a wild time where COVID was going on. People were locked in their apartment. People were miserable. Like there was all this shit going on. The world seemed like it was falling apart and people were just deeply unhappy with their own lives. And then this salacious story comes around where this actor wants to murder and eat people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And all of a sudden everyone's like, oh, this is so much more fun to focus on than the fact that I can't leave my living room. You know, and everyone was just like, let's dogpile on this story. And then stories kept coming out and kept coming out and kept coming out. And it's this, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I know why. It's because Reed's not here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
There's a clip of you guys talking where you say, Tom said to me when we first started dating that he wanted to smash my head open and eat my brains or whatever it is. And you say, no, that's not what I said. All I said is I love you so much I want to smash your head into the dresser.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
yes that's true yeah and i saw that and i was like these are my people yeah yeah it's like these are my people well but by the way now imagine if you guys broke up and christina took her part of that conversation out and only released tom said he wanted to smash my head into a dresser and said it with a straight face everyone would go he's obviously a domestic abuser i gotta say man i fucking like you i think
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And then someone got your copy and wasn't fucking right. That's not right. Stupid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
If there's a printed document and someone else was reading it in their voice, not yours, it just looks like the worst thing in the world.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
He likes tying up. You like the ties.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I like the idea that you are so completely mine. I can do whatever I want and you love it because you know you're mine. This possession kind of thing. That's just fun to talk about. And by the way, especially if you're like drunk or stoned or high at night and you're texting and while you're saying it, you're like chuckling to yourself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Like, I'm going to fucking cut your toe off and keep it in my pocket so I got a piece of you everywhere I go. I think I've actually said that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Why Breed?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And then it gets read like in the court of public opinion and everyone goes, you're insane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And you go, well... Yeah, a little bit. I mean, if I was normal, I would have a job that had like a 401k or like a- So a lot of this is role play, what you're saying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And by the way, like if anyone took anyone's bedroom conversations, specifically like if people were having a little bit of sexy time and they took the shit that they said, even if it was completely vanilla and you read that somewhere else out of context, everyone's gonna go, you guys are fucking disgusting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
He does not like it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I think I was more just in full panic mode because, I mean, to get a little bit serious here, there was this sort of like, there was the mask that I didn't really identify with, but everyone thought was me, that that became sort of like my safety net and identity. And then when that gets shattered... And everyone goes, we no longer like this guy. We fucking hate him. Yeah, which is rough.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Which is rough. I mean, dude, there would be articles in the Punjabi Times about how I was a cannibal and all that stuff. And I think in March of 2021, I was the fifth most searched person on Google in the world. And all of it was negative. So before that, I had used any of that public attention as a sort of sense of validation for myself because I didn't know how to give it to myself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I was feeding off of that like a fucking psychic vampire. And then all that goes away. And all of a sudden you're just left standing there naked in front of the world with all of your proclivities or kinks being judged by the world. Like that shit is tough.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, there was definitely an aspect of your sexuality being weaponized against you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Makes it really hard for you to feel safe to engage in your own sexuality. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. For sure. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
You know, I will say one thing, because I watched the documentary and blah, blah, you know, so I already had to. But I will say, I don't think you were hiding these proclivities from people that were sharing these direct messages with you. It wasn't like you were being coy and shy. You were like, hey, this is what I'm into. This is what we're going to do. Cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And then, you know, some chick, instead of being like... No, I don't really. They like heart a message or something. And I'm like, well, that doesn't really send a clear message.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, it goes to it goes to sort of like the conversations that need to happen around consent, where if it's not a hell yes, it's a fuck no kind of thing. But also. I had a conversation with a guy who's a very well-known sex therapist, and he sort of broke down the idea of conditional consent to me, where it's like I say, hey, this is what I'm into. I want to do this. I want to do this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I want to do this. Are you good with that? And they go, yes. But what they're not finishing with their mouth is I'm saying yes because I think I'm going to get – to be with this person. I'm going to get to live this world. I'm going to get to this. I'm going to get to that. I can change his mind about wanting to sleep with other people. All of these conditions.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I'm saying yes, thinking that I can get all of these things. And then when they don't get all of those things, it's very easy to revoke conditional consent. So it's almost like it just needs to be a more extensive? I also want to say that like, I was playing pretty fast and loose, and I was being a selfish asshole, for sure. I was using people to make me feel better.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
People were my bags of dope with skin on it. Having that, having people want to have sex with me, having sex with people, doing all that stuff, It gave me a sense of power. It gave me a sense of validation. So what I would do is I would scoop these girls up, take them on a whirlwind month and a half, road trips, trips, whatever. Like, we're going to do all these things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
We're going to have great sex. Everything's going to be awesome. And then at the end of it, I'm going to go, hey, good job. Go team. And then I'm going to bounce and go do it with someone else and leave this person feeling like, wait, I just was sucked into this tornado of a world and felt like this this is my place now and then dropped. And now I don't know what the fuck is going on. Right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
My last month and a half is gone. My time was stolen. My energy was stolen. And now I'm fucking pissed. Yeah. And I'm emotionally drained.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And so in, and that's, that's a shitty position.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, there are aspects of my behavior that I think were coming from maybe not the healthiest place. And then there were aspects of my behavior. Now I'm choking. There were aspects of my behavior.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
But that was subtle, demure. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Classy, yeah. Then there are aspects of my behavior that were just expressions of my own sexuality. So I had to sort of comb through all of that and figure out what's coming from the right place, what's coming from a trauma place.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Well, it's like humans evolve really slowly, right? So for 300,000 years of Homo sapien history, you were well off if you're like, we fucking harvested enough grain to get us through the winter.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yes. Yeah. And then that agrarian culture is like just ending really on the timeline of humanity. So now you have people who have amassed insane amounts of wealth. And it's kind of like what Biggie was talking about, where he's like, mo' money, mo' problems. And now, mo' money, mo' access. And mo' money, mo' whatever you want to do, you can do it. And I don't think human beings are built for that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah. Because they're scared to. Well, it's interesting, right? Because they say behind every great fortune is a great crime.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And then also, you know, the people who make that much money typically are very good at making the money and they're very bad at raising a family. So it's like they're not around. There's always nannies or someone else raising your kid who doesn't even care. Then that kid goes, where's my dad?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And the dad goes, you're going to the best schools in the world and you're driven to school in a Rolls Royce. There you go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And the kid goes, I just want to be fucking loved. And then all of a sudden that warps the next link in the chain who then is the kind of parent that that kind of person would be. And that warps the next person. And then that warps the next person. And there's just kind of domino effect.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
You know, I think one thing that my dad did that was very smart is he married someone who was not like that at all. You know, my mom grew up the daughter of a guy who grew up in Oklahoma during the Dust Bowl, who was like so poor that he got like a nickel a week and he had to get a haircut out of it. He had to get like whatever he could out of it, like that kind of thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So my mom was never... My mom just didn't let that shit fly. Like my mom was the kind of mom where... if we were driving in the car and the AC was on and you rolled down your window, she's like, hey, the AC is on, pull the window back up. And you're like, oh, okay. So like lights weren't allowed to be left on in the house, like that kind of thing. So I think my mom brought that to it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So I never really saw, I mean, look, I saw my dad living large. He was buying cars all the time. He was a big kid, right? So he liked toys. He wanted to buy cars all the time. He wanted to go race cars. He wanted to do all that stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
No shit, eh?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Uh-oh, where did I walk into here?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
He's Mr. Car Guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Careful, he's going to smash your head into a dresser. By the way, also, with the smashing the head thing into a dresser.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Wait, I have other questions, too. I know I want to put first, and then I write it down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
If you say, I love you so much, I want to smash your head into a dresser, that's fucking cute. If you say, I'm so angry at you, I want to smash your head into a dresser, very different.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Don't be happy with yourself. I hate when you're pleased with yourself. Drinking a cup of jizz right now. Looks like you're drinking. I know. It's basically not even drinkable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, that's a huge red flag. Yeah. Sorry. I mean, it kind of was a red flag.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
But by the way, she stayed, that's a red flag. Yeah. Thank you. I mean, this is a two-way street. Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Two peas in a pie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
We are. And no, it's been fantastic. Thank God. I'm going to ask you about some things you have said, and I'm just curious. Did you really eat a pig's heart hunting? I heard that's a hunting thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
That's disgusting. No, it was a deer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, a deer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, yeah. Which is a, it's not that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, I grew up in Texas for most of my life. Like I have a lot of friends who hunt and we go shooting. Especially someone's first kill. This is what I was just saying. Cause I was just asked this on the other podcast and they go, you ate an animal's heart. And I was like, yeah, but that's like hunting tradition. When you take someone for their first kill, they take a bite of the heart.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
He goes, but you ate it. And I go, well, I mean, you're not sitting there eating the whole heart, but it's like, Hey, this is your animal. You killed your first animal. Here you go. But he was British, and I think they just have a very different culture about that kind of thing. He was really rough on you, huh? Super rough. Yeah, yeah. Not my kind of person.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
No. Did you take a bite out of it, like an apple? Yeah, yeah. And what's it like?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's hard to get through. I mean, it was a big axis deer, so it was like a heart almost the size of a rugby ball.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And it was heavy, and it tasted like iron, and it was very tough to get through.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, that's kind of cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Okay. Carving initials?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, carving, scraping, whatever. It's the same thing as getting tattoos of your partner's initials or whatever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I was going to say to you, Armie, is that what you needed to do was just date a goth chick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I know, I really missed my chance there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Like this is not a big deal.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
But this goes back to exactly what my problem was. It's like, it's not that what I was doing per se was like the worst thing in the world to try to do. I was just doing it with the wrong people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
You were with fucking normies, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I was with normies. With nerds. Vanillas.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And yeah, you need to get with like the goth chicks that are into it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I don't know, sometimes I've got a vape in my pocket. Sometimes these make me hiccup. How many milligrams are these? Six. Fuck it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Whoa, you're in Texas now, son.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
That's very minty. I like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I think that's all I had. Yeah, because I don't think it's that big of a...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's a pretty time-consuming thing. Especially, people are big. It's a lot of meat to go through. I have a question.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
The type of rope tying you're into, very specific, no? You have to really learn... How do you learn?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, yeah, yeah. Because if you do it wrong, you can really hurt someone. Like if you if you put it too tight around the wrist, there's a lot of nerve endings there. You can end up like hurting somebody's like nerves. Like you got to know what you're doing. So it's like it's not something you just jump into.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I have. I've talked to people. I mean, now at this point, I don't talk to anybody about it. I don't talk to anybody about any of my shit. I'm just like, this is not a safe place for me to experiment or whatever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
That's responsible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
There's books and YouTube videos.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, let's get some ropes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
There you go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It does look beautiful, actually, in the documentary. I would love this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I was like, oh, that's really pretty. So it comes out of like a Japanese martial art form where the police would carry ropes and they had to subdue
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
criminals sure and so like they had to get very fast at doing this and then that kind of i guess there was like some japanese lady back then who watched a criminal get tied up and was like i'm in like sign me up i'm gonna tie you up and leave you fucking suspended in the air yeah i'm such a i'm such a until you kind of correct yourself but um oh yeah yeah it's pretty oh that's what i want to do to her that's what i want to do to christina yeah
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, that requires a level of flexibility that I am nowhere near.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
But also, like, I thought about that, and then I was like, maybe this is onto something. But then I was like, okay, hold on. But also, like, have I learned nothing from, like, trusting strangers? And then also, is someone who sends a complete stranger a picture of, like, them shoving something into their ass? Yeah. I'm like, yes, yes, but... is this a balanced, healthy person? True. Of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
You know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, she's down. Yeah. Am I balanced and healthy? I'm trying, but not really.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
My picker is terrible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Like, my picker is broken. So what do you do? I'm like, I'm basically like an escort now, where I'm like, if you come to me, you better have references.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
To make sure that you're not going to kill me publicly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Good, Armie, because this made me so upset. It made me feel sympathetic towards you during this whole debacle. How do I say this? The DMs on Instagram, you're so trusting, I should say, with these people. And I was like, oh, doesn't he know? Don't do that. Because even... In our world, fans will write you a DM, like an innocent, like, hi, mommy, I love you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And I'll be like, I love you too, thank you. And then they'll screen grab it and put it as a story. And I'm like, ooh, that was supposed to be private. Even though I said nothing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Well, it goes to like a really interesting thing of like once you have any sort of like public stage, you're no longer a person to these people. You're a commodity. And that's why you have people coming up to you in public. And I'm sure you guys see this all the fucking time where they walk up already phone in hand and just go, can I get a picture? All right. And they do that. And it's not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
hey, I just want to let you know I really love your show, or hey, I just want to let you know you said something that was really important. My name is Thomas. It's great to meet you. It's always, let me get a picture. Boom. And then they're like, okay, bye. And then immediately look at what I have.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And it turns you from a human being into a commodity, which is one of the weird things about this whole public business.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
But I'm saying Snapchat, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, I... What happened?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I was snapping.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I was snapping.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Okay, okay. I was snapping.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I snapped with the best of them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Were you so, like, was it... This might be a stupid question. But I think Snapchat, you can still... You can still get fucked with on Snapchat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, you're going to get fucked. Like, if you're dealing with these people, you're going to get fucked.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's not a matter of if, it's when. Is that the thinking of, like, fuck it, it's out there, I don't care, I'm going to blow it up. If I get caught, I get caught.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I think somewhere deep down, subconsciously, I wanted to get caught. I think that I so... did not relate to the image of me that was out there in the public of sort of like this, like, look at them. They're like the Ralph Lauren family. They've got the perfect life and the perfect house and the perfect kids and like, oh, this shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Like, I was like, I feel like a fucking alien walking around most of the time. Like, I don't feel like a human. I feel like a creature. Yeah. And I have King creature tattooed on my ass that I got at a pool party because I was drunk and someone was like, you want to stick and poke tattoo? And I was like, that's the best idea I've ever heard. Fucking here's my ass.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And because like the thinking of it was, is like, I don't feel like a human. I feel like a creature. So if I'm going to be a creature.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I'm gonna be the king of creatures so I'm just gonna lean into this and so I would like things on my twitter I would like rope bondage pictures and shit like that oh it's like your signal to it I was like it was like I was dog whistling yes if you will and wanting I think to get caught and then people would be like I don't think he knows his twitter likes your public and I'd see that and I'd be like oh I know yeah I know yeah and it was just it was silly it was silly
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So it was a way to get out from under this public persona, you think?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, I think so. I think it was a way to try to feel seen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Like truly seen. Besides like, yeah. I'm not this guy that you think I am.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I don't feel like that guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And I don't like carrying the burden of having to be that guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Well, I was going to say, why now? That's always the question. You had successfully gotten away from this stuff, right? And you went away to the Cayman Islands. You came back to LA. And now you're coming out in public again. So why now? What do we want?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I think because I'm doing it on my terms. And I'm doing it authentically as myself. And that's one of the scary things about doing this. And one of the scary things about having the podcast is like, Being sort of vulnerable in a public way, especially having gone through what I went through where like all this shit was weaponized against me, is really fucking scary.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And by the way, everybody really came dressed to the nines.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
But I'm leaning into it because I know that the things generally that make me feel afraid are the things that I got to go towards in order to grow. And so that's why... I want to have these conversations with my mom. I want to have these conversations with people who like, I even have people on there who are like, I don't like you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And like, I was afraid to talk to you because I think X, Y, and Z about you. And I go, okay, I get that. Let's talk. And like, I want to have those conversations because it makes me feel uncomfortable. And I think that that's the sweet spot. That is the sweet spot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I was going to say, if you leave this show not feeling like you've said too much, your family's going to hate you, everything is terrible, it wasn't a good show. You should feel ashamed, weird, anxious, like, God, what did I say? I'm such an idiot. And then you're like, but no one cares.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Girls look great. Guys look great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And I think that's the conditioning part of it. It's like you walk away from it going, fuck, fuck, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And then nothing happens. And you go, oh, I was just being crazy again. Well, let's talk about what's really important, which is acting. I mean, the most important. The most important thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
A million percent. Because he knows how to do every single person's job better than they do. And if you are doing your job well... he doesn't talk to you or he ignores you because he's like, you're doing your job. That's what you're here for. Go do your job. And if you fuck up, he's going to whip his head over and look at you and you want to die. Really? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, he's probably one of the smartest people that I've ever worked with.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Very little, very little because it's that same philosophy. You should be ready to go. I've hired you to do this job. I don't want to do the job for you. So show up and do your job. And if somebody as an actor, isn't doing what he wants, then he, he switches on them. He'll just, it's, it's more psychological warfare. Yeah. Like he'll just go cut, do it again. Yeah. Cut, do it again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Cut, do it again. Cut, do it again. For... I've seen him do that up to 140 times. What? Like, go again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah. I think during the social network, I only remember him ever giving me one note during the entire film. And it was... it was like a scene where we were talking to our dad about how Mark Zuckerberg has stolen Facebook or whatever it was. I don't remember exactly, but he also moves on set like a shark.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Like he just, he doesn't really blink and he just looks at everything and he's taking in 10,000 things at once. And he just walked up to me like this and stared at me and then stood next to me kind of shoulder to shoulder and didn't look at me and just went incredulity and then, and then floated away. And I was like, I don't know what that means, but I'm too afraid to ask.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So, okay, let's try it again. And I did the scene and he just goes, cut, do it again. And I was like, fuck. But then this is the thing, is he's so precise about everything he does that if he does 147 takes of it, on the 147th take, he'll go, cut. Print. Keep that one. Delete everything else. Let's go. And then walks away. He keeps one take. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So he'll just keep going until he gets exactly what he wants. And then when he gets it, he says, keep that. Erase everything else.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yep. Delete everything else. Keep that one. Delete everything else. Wow. Delete. So there's no fallback plan. That's how sure he is at what he does. That's incredible. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Does he give direction though? When he's like, do it again. Is there a note or just do it? You figure it out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Very little, very little. It's just cut. Do it again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Well, you got one word. I got one. He must've liked you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah. Or he hated me because he had to give me the word, you know, like I hired you to do the job and you're not doing it. Now I have to talk to you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah. Guy Ritchie is the opposite. Like he just wants to have a good time. He loves making movies. He loves the people that he's working with and he wants it to be an experience.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, every day on set, we would have a giant white tablecloth lunch of like local cuisine, wherever we were wine. Like it was, it was really just the best. Yeah. Henry Cavill. Oh, she always does. Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, yeah. Both of you, a couple of dogs.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
How was Henry? Did you get lost in his eyes or his jaws? I mean, Henry's great because he is there to work. He's there to do his job. Very professional. Very professional. Very professional. I would say even like very guarded. So it's like you don't really get in there and She wants to get in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like getting in there, so I'd be like, Henry, come on, buddy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And I'd antagonize him and just barge into his trailer and be like, what's up, bro? And he would be like, what are you doing? This is my trailer. And I was like, I know. But we had a great time. Yeah, we had a really good time making that one. Yeah. Fun movie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah. That's, I mean, that's kind of the dream I think, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Like a period European film. Like I felt like it was like we were on like Anthony Minghella sets, you know? That's awesome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Well, the worm is turning, and it takes time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's slow, but... generally now the conversation when my name comes up with people in the industry is, man, that guy got fucked. And that feels really good. It's really encouraging. I just shot a movie. Oh, you did just shoot a movie? I just shot a movie. And I have two more movies coming up and a potential TV show. A potential TV show that the head of a studio signed off on me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So it's like, it feels like...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Listen, the gays were my biggest advocates, by the way, because they were like, oh, honey. Like the shit you said, if people hacked Grindr and saw what we were talking about on there, none of us would work. I didn't mean homosexuals. I just meant, you know. The gays, the other gays.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I saw him making a phone call while we were all having festivities. And I was like, that's kind of. But then he comes back.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I love watching that man work. He's an incredible actor. He is amazing. I mean, American Beauty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Although Robin Wright Penn is so fit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Not an ounce of fat on that body.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
She's very hot. Perfect.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Would you bang her?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Robin Wright? Would you smash her head into a dresser? I would tell her how much I loved her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Wow. She's special. I'd let you bang her. You can bang her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
See, this is the kind of relationship I aspire to. Right here. Full consent. Goals. Total consent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Conditional consent. No, it's full. I love you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Can I just say, and I don't know why I feel the need to say this, but maybe because I was a goth chick that grew up in the... I was never into the S&M scene, but I feel like it gives those people a bad rap when, like, do you know what I mean? Like, it's a legitimate scene, right? Sure. How do I say this? Like, Fifty Shades of Grey, you know how fucking popular that was?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I ain't going out like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, it was like the most popular book.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Every housewife.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
The movie made a billion dollars.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, everyone's twiddling their fucking, skiddling their bean.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Reading it on the drying machine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And, you know, yeah, it gives it a bad rep. That community is its own thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And there's rules and regulations, right? Yeah. Like you guys have a whole – that's a whole fucking thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I think the issue is, is that – It's not a big deal. Like any community, there are people who are there for altruistic reasons and they enjoy it and they love it and they're safe and they're smart about it and they –
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
care about the people they're engaging with and I think there are also unsavory characters who get attracted into that world like politics like you know it's like you have people who actually want to help maybe two of them and then the rest of them are not there for the right reasons and I think it gives it a bad name
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, exactly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's just that? It's just that. I mean, my crawl space is getting full. Have you seen my apartment on the podcast?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's pretty small, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I will talk about it. I love pickleball.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I love pickleball. Have you tried it? I can get it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
No. Okay. All right. Well, if you want to be close minded and that's fine. That's your call. It's your show. You do what you want to do. This is a white water fountains only type of place. Fair enough. Fair enough. I mean, I have a lot of shit that I love to do. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've had a lot more time to do it lately, which is great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And then he hung up the phone, and then he started shouting into the party room.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Like, I'm turning jobs down. Really? Yeah, my dance card's getting pretty full. Hey, but that's great, though, man. By the way, the first job that I turned down after four years of this shit, I mean... It was the best feeling I've ever had. Really? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
100%.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Well, the story of how it all came up was hilarious because my best friend, Tyler, who has his own podcast called The Painful Lessons Podcast, he called me on Thursday and he goes... I got a movie offer for you. And I go, fuck are you talking about, dude? Like, it has been four years since I worked. He goes, no, no, I have a movie offer for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I go, why the fuck would you have a movie offer for me? What are you talking about? He goes, I don't know, man. Some guy on Instagram DM'd me and has a movie for you. And I was like, if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you, bro. And he goes, I don't know, dude. Do you want me to just send it over to you? And I was like, all right, fine. Send it over to me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And so he sends me the information and he sends me the guy's name and phone number. He goes, just call the guy. And I was like... I'm not going to call this guy. He goes, call the guy. Call him on Friday. On Saturday, I drive out to Arizona. I start rehearsals on Sunday. What? It was like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
You shouted the N-word into the party room. Oh, sure did.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I have not had a single. So I've got like five jobs right now that I'm kind of like, dealing with and engaging with. I leave for Croatia in January. I go to the Philippines in springtime. I've got these jobs, right? Not a single one of them has come through an agent. I'm not surprised. Yeah. So are you working this out just with a lawyer? Yeah, I have an attorney. Yeah, that's all you need.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's great. That's fucking amazing. Saves me 10%. Yeah, sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So how should people book you for movies?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Email my lawyer. It's on IMDB. His name is Todd Rubenstein. There you go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
bill murray i have an 800 number that you call that i check every couple months i think you're like one of the few people that could then kind of really justify it too well i think because whatever level i reached as an actor was let's say here and then whatever level i reached in infamy as a cannibal is like up here yeah so it's like you want to stunt hire the guy who eats people like call my 800 number yeah i have a question do you think
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
This n-word is like n-word stuffs. Just like what you were shouting, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
You know how on IMDB it ranks your star meter, like when you have a project come out? Do you think the cannibal period rose your star meter?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I don't know. That's a good question. I'd have to ask the Wayback Machine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Josh, can we see if that affected it? Yeah. Because it doesn't matter whether or not they know you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I legitimately hit the number four or five most searched person on Google globally.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I believe it. That's a lot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
That's a lot. That's a lot. You're up there with presidents and shit. It's wild.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
People gotta know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And it sucks. It's not fun. I switched to a flip phone for a long while. I changed my number and I got a fucking old flip phone and I lived on a farm and I grew food.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I don't know who this is, but they're cheating. Yeah. They're cheating. That's the only reason you have two phones like that. Oh. Bat phone.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
There you go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Hey, how many do you have?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, my God. I have four phones.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Busy man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah. Busy man. What the fuck, dude? All right, star meter. Well, that's pretty good. Let's see. Yeah, you got high.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, you're up there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
What is that? Seven? I can't read that. Entertainment Tonight?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Peaks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
That's so sick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I do want to say that I am in the top 1,373. That's pretty good. I'll take it. I'll take it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
No, please don't. You'll feel better.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
God damn it, I'm out of here. I've got to be way below you, dude. I'm not even on the map.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Yeah. I'm 12,000, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Like, generally.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
You can't tie me up. Oh, no, no. I'm not into your shibari. Let's see. Shibuditsu. I'm not even on there. Yeah, 21,000. I'm dead.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, but you went up. See, that's the thing. You went up 1,814 points.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
What did I do? Oh, probably when I had cancer. Oh, yeah. No, I'm sure I had breast cancer around that time. And that's probably what it was. Like the People magazine or whatever. Don't please stop looking at it. What's that peak one? What was that? Did I get canceled? Yo, 2,000? What? There you go. Oh, my special. Oh, wow. It did well. All right, go back to me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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That was him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
See, I like how Netflix never tells me. When I do well. What the fuck?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, my God, I did so much better than you in my special kid math.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Shut up. Star meter. How many people do you think check this daily? Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I kind of don't see it. I don't know. I just think of it as one continuous life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I don't know if they even still have it. And we'll be like, that's not true. He's a great actor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing really well.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
There's comics that do that, too. Who? Back in the day. Come on. Name names, you coward. Yeah, you got it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
What's that? The tallest poppy, everyone wants to cut it down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
So true. Haters gonna hate, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's awesome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I think maybe even next year one of them might be coming out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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That's awesome, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Your podcast is lovely. I really enjoy listening to you talk with your mother. Very open, very candid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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um you get very personal which i think was really cool because a lot of people go through the same kind of stuff you did trauma and like how do you get through it you know and how do you talk to your parents about it and all that and i don't know i thought it was very interesting so give it a listen you guys appreciate check it out trot out yeah yeah yeah thanks for coming in this is also really good for me to see like what a podcast can get to where you're like we'll fly out i was like
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
podcasts do that like here's your hotel room oh do you need my credit card for the hotel room no we don't what what is going on here wow and then it's a fucking compound you got here this is amazing wait until you see the bathroom we have mints and stuff whoa oh yeah flossers chapstick well after this fucking nicotine pouch I'm gonna go need to take a shit in your bathroom so I'm very excited about this and there's fucking dude wipes in there no way yeah
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I mean, I bring my own everywhere I go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It's like when he relaxes, that side of him is allowed to come out and play.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
What do you think? Should I have them on?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
It totally is. That's him. It totally was last night.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
No thanks, Jew broad Tom Hanks. I don't know. Do you have resolutions? Are you going to do anything differently? Oh, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Vacation Chris came out to play.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I didn't, I was not aware.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
How do we know this? How is this verified?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Have you seen it? Or is this just on feeling?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I got you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
That's what I'm saying. I feel like it's just the same shit, different toilet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And just so you know,
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Just so you know, there's a name for when Chris Larson drinks and comes out of his shell, and it's referred to as Vacation Chris. Vacation Chris, yeah. So Vacation Chris came out to play last night.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I have those here, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
And hit the deck, hit the ground running. Are these lights supposed to be on, guys? I think the two bears set. Does it matter?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Chris Larson is in the booth.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Vacation Chris.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
As you should. He does have that BD.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
I think it affects, doesn't it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
why did he do it he didn't he wouldn't do it why I don't know and then I say how can you be the party animal you're not going to do that solution he's kind of like he told me it's because it's cold and flu season and he didn't want to get sick and then I said and then I says to him pussy boy I says yeah but like one person has done it there's only one person's cooties on there so yeah and then he still wouldn't do it his breath was really bad really did anyone pick up on that