Things our dads taught us, whether they intended to or not. Visit thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners to sign up for our premium subscription.Prologue: Ira talks about the time his dad taught him to shave, and how unusual that was. (5 minutes)Act One: When Jackie read the obits for the man who had invented the famous Trapper Keeper notebook, she was very surprised. As far as she knew, the inventor was very much alive. It was her dad. Not the guy in the obit. (15 minutes)Act Two: A father and son find themselves in a very traditional relationship. Until the end. (21 minutes)Act Three: Simon Rich reads his short story "History Report," in which a father explains the sex robots of the future. And other things as well. (14 minutes)Transcripts are available at thisamericanlife.orgThis American Life privacy policy.Learn more about sponsor message choices.
Chapter 1: How did Ira learn to shave from his dad?
I remember the day my dad taught me how to shave. For him to take the time to instruct me about anything was so unusual that even while we stood there at the sink, I thought I would remember it. I wanted to remember it. I wanted it to mean something. Like some kind of boy becomes a man right of passage. Though I have to say that kind of sentimentality is more my personality than my dad's.
I doubt he felt anything of the kind. I still think about it some mornings when I shave, decades later. I remember every part of his instructions, that I had to wet my face down with hot water to soften the barely-existent facial hair, which, you know, were not the kind of man's whiskers that needed softening, so I wondered if he knew what he was talking about.
He showed me how to hold a razor, the length of the strokes. When it came time to demonstrate the actual shaving, he realized he couldn't actually do it from the front. He had needed to stand behind me and then reach up to my face at the same angle that he was used to shaving his own face with.
So he got in back of me and sort of reached his arms up around me close and intimate while he did that, which was unusual. He was a conscientious dad, a worried dad, a caring dad, but we never had much physical contact. What stands out most about this memory is how few I have that are like it, of him actually teaching me something, taking the time to impart some kind of lesson about the world.
To get this kind of focused attention from him was rare. He grew up without a dad. He did his best, but he didn't have much feeling for what a son might want or might get from a father. Day to day, his mind didn't seem to be on me or my sisters at all, but on his job. He was an accountant, stressed out, working long hours at the firm he started.
Years ago, I was invited to contribute a short chapter to a book about what men learn from their dads, and I wrote something saying that this shaving memory is one of the few that I have of him passing on some kind of knowledge or wisdom. And I showed him the draft. I was worried that he'd be hurt that I'd think that, or that I would say it publicly.
But his biggest problem with what I wrote was that I called him an accountant. He was a CPA, he told me. Very different. Could I change it? Of course I did. He died last year at 90 with dementia. It's weird watching somebody with your same body, your same roll of fat around their stomach, same hands, same fingers, same skin, go gray and stop breathing.
And I've been thinking a lot about the parts of him that I carry in me. My dad wasn't very curious about others. If he met you, he wouldn't ask you lots of questions to figure out who you are or how you tick. He wasn't the most talkative.
If anything, some of the moves that I developed as an interviewer come directly from being in the car with him and trying to actually get him to speak about something, anything. Which I guess happens a lot. Kids develop personalities that fit into the jigsaw pieces of what their parents aren't I honestly see his good traits in me and all of his bad ones, too, all the time. Biggest of those?
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Chapter 2: What surprising revelation did Jackie have about the Trapper Keeper inventor?
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
Dad, you are such a pro. Stay with us.
Promotion for This American Life comes from Radiotopia and Defector's Normal Gossip, named one of the best podcasts of 2024 by Time magazine. Join new host Rachel Hampton as she shares the juiciest gossip from the real world. Each episode, she's joined by a special guest. Past guests include author Samantha Irby, TV personality Gabby Windy, and chef Samin Nosrat.
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This is American Life. For this holiday weekend, this family weekend, we have this show about parents and kids that we first broadcast last year. Act one. Am I my father's trapper, keeper, keeper? Before we get to the father in this story, let me play you this ad. It's from the 80s. Two teenagers in a crowded library. They stand up and, oops, bump into each other. Papers fall to the ground.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
Such good acting. Then this realistic piece of dialogue.
Here you are.
Say, what is that thing?
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Chapter 3: What legacy did John Wyant leave behind?
This flap even has a Velcro closure to keep everything inside.
John says that was him, too. He created the flap closure so nothing would fall out. He even came up with the name Trapper Keeper. Some of the obituaries actually give John credit for this. In the New York Times, they say over a martini-fueled lunch, John suggested the name to Bryant. It even quotes Bryant, saying, Bang! It made sense! That's the only mention John gets.
He and his family, they're pretty sure Crutchfield deliberately cut him out of the story. Grabbed all the credit for himself. Learning all of this, I felt for John. Maybe anybody would, but I really did. Like, couldn't let it go did. I feel a little silly saying this, but I identify with John. I'm also a behind-the-scenes kind of person. I hardly ever talk on the radio. I'm an editor here.
I love helping make things happen in the background. So I saw myself in him. In fact, another producer started the story, Diane Wu, who you hear in some of the interviews. She lost interest in it, but I wouldn't let it die. It felt like if I could get his hard work noticed, the world in some tiny little way would feel more fair.
So did some marketing guy do a marketing job on his own legacy, like convince the national press to tell the story he wanted told? Obviously, the person who would have answers was Crutchfield himself. But since that wasn't an option, I found his kids, Ken and Carol. I'd seen Ken posting about how proud he was of his dad's accomplishments.
I didn't relish the idea of calling these people whose dad had just died to say, you know, there's this other guy who says he invented the Trapper Keeper and your dad took all the credit for himself. But they were open to talking about it. Yeah, that sounds like my dad. Something he would do. This is Carol, Crutchfield's daughter. I told her and her brother what John said.
That her dad had been a big part of the Trapper Keeper's success, did great marketing for it, but that John was the one who actually built the thing.
Yeah, that makes sense that there were more than one person involved in creating the Trapper Keeper. But yeah, he took all the credit. It feels, I mean, it feels kind of yucky because I feel bad for them because I didn't know about him, but yeah, yeah, it's uncomfortable.
Would it be out of character for your dad to play up his role in something?
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Chapter 4: How did the Trapper Keeper come to be?
Here's what I learned about E. Bryant Crutchfield, or Crutch as his friends called him, from talking to his kids. Crutch was a memorable guy. Could be a challenging guy. Fun-loving. Very proud of his kids. Big emphasis on providing for his family. Maybe some imposter syndrome. A big advice giver. A lover of drink. The martinis in the story made sense.
And Ken says that for most of his life, the Trapper Keeper wasn't a thing he talked about a lot. Ken wasn't even aware of his dad's relationship with the binder until about a decade ago, when a reporter for the website Mental Floss wrote a long story about the invention of the Trapper Keeper and the piece was all about his dad. Ken's friends started sending him the article.
You know, I got a bit of a chuckle out of it, but I didn't really think much more of it than that because, you know, I think my dad has always been somebody to have certain narratives and things that he would talk about. So he managed to talk about Harvard in that article. And, you know, if he was talking to a perfect stranger, you know, there's a couple of topics that would come up.
And one of them was he would find a way to work into the conversation something about Harvard.
What did he do at Harvard?
It was basically like a semester of an MBA program. So I think that was a proud thing for him, especially having grown up in Alabama and somebody that was the first to go to college, really, I think, in his family.
The Mental Floss story and the obits explain Crutch's role in creating the Trapper Keeper this way. That Crutch was the one who spotted a need for something like the Trapper Keeper. The copy machine had made its way into schools. Kids had lots of papers. They needed a way to keep them in place. And Crutch had also learned that there was a different kind of folder that he thought would sell well.
It had vertical pockets. He put those things together and sold it to the world. Which, with this kind of product, is everything.
As Ken puts it... The imagery, the pop culture, the... finding the trends, being able to reach the audience. You know, what frankly is kind of a complex sale. How many kids were able to buy their own product? Who had disposable income to buy it versus had to influence their parents to get the binder that they wanted?
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Chapter 5: What are the family dynamics surrounding the Trapper Keeper's invention?
I'm sure my mother would love to hear that from me. Carol wanted to make it clear that she loved her dad. He was warm, very funny. Her friends loved him. She didn't think he was trying to be mean or steal anything.
He was just the star of his own show. Like, if my dad was here right now and I asked him about John, he would say, oh, yeah, John did this and John did that and John did this. You know, like, he wouldn't... I don't think he would lie about it purposefully because my dad wasn't like that. I think his brain just kind of twisted facts to meet his own ego needs there towards the end.
I was struck by how honest and thoughtful both kids were about their dad. And after talking to both of them, I got back in touch with John and Jackie, relayed what the Crutchfield kids had said, and they told me it made them feel better. Turns out Crutchfield's son wants to write a book about the Trapper Keeper and really wants to talk to John. I sent them each other's emails. It's funny.
As I worked on this story, I realized the reason I loved The Trapper Keeper actually has nothing to do with John or Crutch. It was the cover art. Those rainbows and Lisa Frank images and puppies and palm trees. I'm pretty sure mine had an outer space scene with geometric shapes. I tried to find out who the artist was who deserves credit for that. But I haven't had any luck.
If that happens to be your dad or mom, parent, please write me.
Thea Benin hates being on the radio. For now, anyway, we're working on her. She's an editor here at our show. Coming up, explaining the sex robots of the future to your great-grandkids and other legacy issues we have yet to face but will someday. That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues. This is American Life from Ira Glass.
Today's program, How I Learned to Shave, stories of our parents' legacies and what we learned from our dads, whether it's intended or not. We've arrived at act two of our show, act two, Raised by Wolf. So we now turn to this father and son who go hunting together, have all kinds of adventures, and then things get complicated. Both of them were raised by wolves because they are wolves.
Here's Louis Sullivan.
Rick McIntyre has spent more time watching wild wolves than anyone in the world. He's been doing it for over 40 years. His focus on them is singular and complete. He lives alone in a little cabin just outside of Yellowstone. And every day, seven days a week, he gets up before dawn, figures out where they are, and watches them, writes down what they do.
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Chapter 6: What did Rick McIntyre observe about wolves?
I was in Lamar Valley. I was getting signals from both the Druid Peak Pack to the east. I got the signal from Eight's family to the west. Both of those packs were traveling toward each other. It looked like they were both traveling on the same ridge, specimen ridge, on the south side of Lamar Valley. They were moving toward each other, meaning that there was going to be a fight.
One side howled. The other side howled. It was January. There was snow out. Rick pulled over in his truck, got his spotting scope on the wolves. Eight's pack was up on the ridge. Twenty-one's pack was running uphill through forests and meadows. Twenty-one was out in front of his pack. Eight was in front of his. Both packs were charging at each other.
So here I was watching the two wolves I admired the most in the world, father and adopted son, running at each other. They started to come together. they were charging each other. Eight, he wasn't running as fast, but he was still out in front of his family and nothing was gonna stop him. I mean, even now thinking about it, I'm in great distress because I remember how I felt then.
I did not want to see Eight killed. I did not want to see him torn apart. Of all the deaths that could befall Eight, in my mind, this would be the very worst. This would be such a horrible ending to their story.
Rick starts ticking through possibilities, trying to figure out if there was some way out. 21 could just pin 8 down and let him go. But no, that wouldn't work. The psychopath was right behind 21. She'd surely jump in and kill 8. No question.
And I was just helpless. But there was nothing that I could do as a researcher other than just watch and document what was about to happen in front of me. They got to within 40 yards, 30 yards, 20 yards, 10 yards. And I knew just in a moment, it was all going to be over. So there I am standing there looking through my spotting scope. The moment arrives.
They're just a couple of feet apart from each other. Well, in that moment, 21 did something. Ran right past 8 without stopping. Just in the very slightest way, 21 angles away and just shoots past 8.
It was the strangest thing, two sides heading into battle and then running right past each other. 21's pack kept following 21 because, you know, he's leading the charge. So when he sprinted past, they just kept following him.
All the other Jew had wolves, ran past Eight and all the other wolves. And Eight didn't have the ability to turn around. He just kept on going as well. Wolves from both packs, they were just running back and forth. They were howling at each other. It was a confusing situation. No wolves were harmed. No wolves were fighting. And that was the end of the fight that never was.
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Chapter 7: What challenges did Wolf 8 face in the wild?
I asked him how, and he said that he had done something called recycling, which is where you throw your garbage into different colored boxes. I asked my mom what he was talking about, and she explained that when people become as old as my great-grandfather, their brains start to break down, and it's almost like they turn back into babies.
Since my great-grandfather is going to die soon, and he is one of the only survivors of Earth, I decided to ask him what his favorite memory of the planet was. I thought he might tell me about the end of World War IV, or going to see Spider-Man. But instead, he told me about the first date he went on with his wife, my great-grandmother Kathleen.
They met in college, which is a place people used to go to after high school to drink alcohol. My great-grandfather said that when he was in college, online dating hadn't been invented yet. Instead of matching with someone through a dating app and sending a series of nude photos to each other before eventually meeting up for sex, you would meet them in person before doing anything else.
This meant that when my great-grandparents went out for the first time, they had no idea what each other looked like naked.
At this point, my mother, who was recording our interview, told my great-grandfather that he was being inappropriate because this was a project for school, and he apologized but said that the naked stuff was crucial to the story and that he was going to keep bringing it up whenever it was relevant.
My great-grandfather explained that not only had they not seen each other naked, he wasn't sure if my great-grandmother wanted that to happen. Sometimes, in those days, when someone agreed to go out on a date with you, they were still undecided about the naked thing and wanted to learn more personal information about you before making up their mind.
Since this was before social media, the only way to get this personal information was by asking people questions to their face, like as if their actual living, breathing face was their social media profile. Sometimes this would get embarrassing. Like you might say, what do your parents do? And they would say, my parents are dead.
And then you would have to say something like, I'm sorry, I didn't know that because I have no information about you. We're strangers. The point, my great-grandfather said, is that he had no idea what my great-grandmother thought about him. He had no idea what she thought about anything.
He had zero information about her, other than what she looked like wearing clothes and also how it sounded when she laughed, which she had done a couple of times on their long, slow walk through campus with the cool fall breeze whipping through the scattered leaves. My great-grandfather said that all dates began with the same custom.
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