You’ve heard the advice: “Just stop caring what people think.” But if it were that easy, you would’ve done it by now. In this episode, Ryan Leak unpacks what’s really holding most people back—not fear of failure, but fear of what other people might think. From the thoughts we imagine others are having to the strangers we give way too much power, this episode is a wake-up call to stop living life based on imaginary opinions. Ryan explores the truth about judgment, the trap of social media fear, and two key questions that could unlock your next brave move: Do you really want to give them that much power? And what if they’re not thinking about you at all?
Chapter 1: What is holding us back from taking action?
Welcome to the Ryan League podcast where we keep things short and sweet, where we offer nuggets of inspiration that can simply add value to your week, to the way that you live, the way that you lead, the way that you show up at work, the way that you show up at home. And today I wanna talk to you about something that I think holds us back more than anything else. And it is this idea of,
Chapter 2: Why can't we just stop caring about what others think?
of caring so very much about what other people think about us. It's interesting. I perhaps should be making an entire episode about quit caring about what other people think about you. But I think that's somewhat impractical on a couple of levels. First, If it was that easy, you would have done it already, right? Just quit caring about what people think about you.
And you would already be posting. You'd already be writing. You'd already be recording. You'd already be doing that thing. But I don't think it's that easy. And the reason I don't think it's that easy is because I think you and I are wired for a human connection. I think that you and I are wired to care a little bit. And so I do not want you to shut off emotionally from the world around you.
I don't even think that's healthy. But I do think that there are some practical things that we can talk about in regards to the mindset that we should have around what people do think about us. And it's kind of a funny thought if you think about it. Because we have thoughts about what other people's thoughts are about us in an imaginary situation.
This is what I'm afraid they will think if I do X, if I start a podcast, if I... apply for this job, if I go back to school, if I write a book. But it's imaginary because you didn't do it yet. And so we're just thinking about what they could be thinking. And that alone keeps us from ever actually getting started.
Chapter 3: Who are the people we fear judgment from?
So I've got a couple of practical things that I want to take you through that I think is going to add value to your life. The first thing is this. Who is they? Yeah, who is in the group of people that you fear what they think about you or what they would think about you if you got outside of your comfort zone? Who's that group of people? Is it your family members? Are we talking siblings?
Is there a little sibling rivalry there that we need to address? Is it parents, grandparents? Is there a family legacy on the line that maybe has added a little bit of pressure? Is it your spouse? Is it your kids? I don't know. Is it in-laws that you're afraid of what they're going to think about you if you decide to make a move? Is it your friends? Is it your old friends? Is it an ex?
Is it people you went to college with? Is it people you were in elementary with, in middle school with, or early? afraid of what they are going to think about us? Is it colleagues? Is it a boss? Is it people on social media? Is it strangers on the internet? If you put yourself out there, you're going to open yourself up to public criticism. And who knows?
Because people can get violent in the comments. Who knows what could happen to you if you dare hit post? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who is the group of people? One of the practical things you could do right now is write down the group of people or the person that you go, man, I'm actually afraid of or I care deeply about what this person or these people think about me.
And at some point, you have to ask yourself, do you really want to give them that much power over your life? Do you really want to give them that much power over your voice? Do you really want to give them that much power over your creativity? Do you really want to give them that much power over your future? Who's the they? Who are these people? And...
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Chapter 4: Why do we give power to others' opinions?
I don't think that those people are bad, evil, and that you shouldn't care about what they think about you. No, that's not the message. The message is, do you want to give them that much power? It's one thing to say, hey, I value your perspective and I get that you might think something about me if I were to put myself out there, quote unquote. But it's another thing to give them that much power.
And so now that we're identifying who the people are, I would argue that for most people, it's strangers on the internet. It's not actually people they actually know. They're afraid of being exposed to randoms, to the peanut gallery that can open fire on anybody and cancel people for very, very little. Now I want us to break down, what is it that we're afraid of them thinking?
Not saying, thinking. Is it they're not even that good? Is it they think they're better than everyone else now? Is it they're trying too hard? They've changed. They're so full of themselves. They're being way too self-promotional. They're not qualified for this. Who do they think they are? I mean, I think this rears its head mostly on social media.
Perhaps you want to post that video, but you're scared of looking, I don't know, cringy. You want to talk about your business, but you don't want people to think you're salesy. You want to encourage people, but you don't want, I guess, people from high school to think that you've changed. See, I don't think you're scared of posting. I think you're scared of judgment.
And here's what I'd like to submit to you today. I want to submit a thought. I want to insert a thought into all of your thoughts. And I think this is a game changer. I think this is going to change your life. I think it's going to help you take a step towards who you actually want to be. And it's a question. It's a question that I think can absolutely shape this conversation.
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Chapter 5: What if they are not thinking about you at all?
Chapter 6: How does fear of judgment affect social media use?
Not saying, thinking. Is it they're not even that good? Is it they think they're better than everyone else now? Is it they're trying too hard? They've changed. They're so full of themselves. They're being way too self-promotional. They're not qualified for this. Who do they think they are? I mean, I think this rears its head mostly on social media.
Perhaps you want to post that video, but you're scared of looking, I don't know, cringy. You want to talk about your business, but you don't want people to think you're salesy. You want to encourage people, but you don't want, I guess, people from high school to think that you've changed. See, I don't think you're scared of posting. I think you're scared of judgment.
And here's what I'd like to submit to you today. I want to submit a thought. I want to insert a thought into all of your thoughts. And I think this is a game changer. I think this is going to change your life. I think it's going to help you take a step towards who you actually want to be. And it's a question. It's a question that I think can absolutely shape this conversation.
What if they, your proverbial they, what if they are not thinking about you at all? What if they're not thinking about you at all? And oh, and guess what? And the thought that they are has been holding you back for a decade. What if they aren't thinking about you at all?
And the reason that I want to submit this thought to you is because I get to work with a lot of people in a position where I'm the middleman as an executive coach, as a consultant, and kind of just the way my life works. I find myself in between two sides and trying to build bridges between people.
And I am amazed, utterly shocked by how many people believe that the other side is thinking something about them that they're not thinking at all. But yet they have filled in the blank an entire story of what this other person is thinking about them. And I'm like, hey, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not that big of a deal in their world. And it's not that they think less of you.
It's that they think more of themselves because here's what's interesting. The reason that I believe that people aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you are afraid that they would be is because they're just too busy thinking about themselves. They're thinking about their own bills. They're thinking about, oh, is my job secure? They're thinking about their own health, man.
I don't know, man, my knee, man. Especially in their 40s. Listen, in your 40s, your body just start falling apart for no reason. I turned my ankle the other day. Somebody said, what happened? I said, I woke up. That's what I did. I wasn't even playing back. I just woke up. I was like, why am I limping? I don't know what happened. Why? I'm just getting closer to 40.
I'm not thinking about other people. I'm selfish. The reason I'm selfish is because I'm in pain. People are thinking about their own stuff. They're thinking about their own family. They're thinking about their own goals. They're thinking about, man, why did I eat that? And does this outfit look good? Oh, I don't feel like texting that person back. And oh man, my inbox is out of control.
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