The Action Catalyst
REMASTERED: Expectation Hangover, with Christine Hassler (Mindset, Self-Improvement, Personal Development, Growth)
Tue, 25 Feb 2025
Best-selling author, keynote speaker, and master coach Christine Hassler drills down on combatting the burden of expectation, adopting a miracle mindset, releasing emotion instead of recycling it, and throwing healthy adult temper tantrums, and explains the distinction between form vs. essence, sympathy vs. empathy, and why strength is overrated.
Chapter 1: What are the challenges of living a life driven by expectations?
when is enough enough like when are we there when do we finally accept ourselves as enough and that's the problem we run into when we live a life driven by expectations versus values and vision top leaders meaningful conversation actionable advice bulldoze complacency ignite inspiration create impact produced by the southwestern family of companies this is the action catalyst
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Christine Hassler is a life coach with a counseling emphasis known for catalyzing radical self-reflection, but also while offering practical direction. She has really created this roadmap for life and for people of all ages, which is kind of about self-discovery, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness. and clarity. And she is a cum laude graduate of Northwestern University.
And she also has her master's degree in spiritual psychology from the University of Santa Monica. Her book is called Expectation Hangover, Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life. And it's really the guidebook for how to treat disappointment on the emotional, mental, behavioral, and spiritual levels. And so, Christine, it's great to meet you. Thank you for being on the show.
Oh, I'm equally as excited. Thanks for having me.
So can you clarify, like, what exactly is an expectation hangover? And how did you kind of come up with that term?
Yeah, we may love the phrase, but we don't like having them. I came up with it after having so many of my own. And basically, it's when it's disappointment, but how I break it down, it's when one of three things happen. Either the desired outcome or plan or result that you work so hard for doesn't happen. Things don't turn out the way you planned.
Or you get the goal, you have the result, but you don't have the feelings you thought you would have from it. Like you get this great job and then you're like, wait, where's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Where's the happiness? Or life just totally throws you an unexpected curveball. You lose a job, you get sick, someone dies, you know, those kind of unexpected curveballs. So...
What I noticed about expectation hangovers is that they are similar to hangovers from alcohol in the sense that your head is hurting, maybe not physically, but all the thoughts and thinking and obsessing that happens when we have an expectation hangover. We just get really in our head. We lack motivation. There's a sense of regret. We're spinning and confusion.
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Chapter 2: Who is Christine Hassler and what is her approach to self-improvement?
And there's ways to release emotion where you find a place inside of you that's having the emotion and you also find a place where you have compassion and you just allow yourself to feel without any judgment. There's actually a process in the book called the temper tantrum technique where I'm sure you've seen a child have a temper tantrum. And the thing is, Children know how to feel.
So if a kid gets upset, like you'll see they get upset, they start to cry, and they may be yelling, screaming, kicking, and then they kind of start to whimper, and they kind of go instead. Woof, woof, woof. You know, and then they start to slow down and then they may rock a little bit and they start to soothe themselves and then they want ice cream and then they're fine.
They know how to ride the wave of emotions. And as young people and our parents, you know, did the best they could, but our emotions were kind of interrupted. We were told, shake it off. Big boys don't cry. Or we were like soothed with food or something like that. And then, you know, later in life, we try to do our emotions by eating. So we found these kind of ways to suppress.
And as adults, we have to look at, all right, how do I really release my emotion? And so, you know, I basically teach you how to have an adult version of a temper tantrum so that you get the emotion up and out. And there's also other techniques, writing techniques and things like that. But the key is let yourself feel without judgment. And this isn't about identifying with your feelings.
This isn't about sitting around and being a victim. Victim thinking gets us nowhere. When we're like, why did this happen to me? And my life is so hard. It's not about feeling sorry for ourself. Sympathy and empathy are very different. Sympathy has pity on it. Empathy and compassion has love and forgiveness and understanding on it.
So compassion, if we look at the word, I'm all into the meanings of words. So passion actually means suffering and co means with. So it's really being with suffering. It's the difference. And we can do this with other people too. It's like how we, you know, in my work with people, when I work with them on the emotional level, if they're experiencing an emotion, I don't console them.
I don't try to fix them. I don't go in and offer them advice. I just hold this loving, compassionate space for them to feel with no judgment. And learning how to do that for ourselves is is key to really overcoming disappointment.
What are some of the common like emotional mistakes that you see people making over and over again?
Yeah. So one I briefly mentioned, which is the victim. I'm not going to get through that like and identifying with it. And it even can be subtle, but it's sort of like allowing the emotional level to get to that place of just kind of feeling sorry for yourself and losing hope and losing faith because that's really paralyzing. And the other one in terms of the other extreme, too, is being strong.
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