Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Laurie Santos on How to Matter in a Busy World | EP 583
Tue, 11 Mar 2025
In this episode of Passion Struck, host John R. Miles welcomes Dr. Laurie Santos, a renowned psychologist and professor at Yale University, to discuss the importance of mattering in our increasingly busy and disconnected world. Dr. Santos shares insights from her popular Yale course, "Psychology and the Good Life," and her podcast, "The Happiness Lab," exploring how social connections, intrinsic motivation, and the act of helping others can enhance our sense of belonging and overall happiness.Link to the full show notes: https://passionstruck.com/laurie-santos-on-how-to-matter-in-a-busy-world/Key takeaways:The Importance of Mattering: Mattering is crucial for our psychological well-being. It involves feeling valued and connected to others, which is essential for happiness.Cultural Pressures: Many students today, especially in high-pressure environments like Ivy League schools, are focused on individual achievements, leading to feelings of disconnection and anxiety.Social Connection: Happy people tend to have strong social ties. Engaging with others and helping them can significantly boost our own happiness.Technology's Role: While technology can connect us, it can also lead to disconnection. The convenience of digital communication often lacks the depth of face-to-face interactions.The Work of Happiness: Achieving happiness requires effort and intentionality. Simple acts of kindness and social engagement can enhance our sense of mattering.Connect with Dr. Laurie Santos: https://www.instagram.com/lauriesantosofficial/?hl=enSponsors:Factor Meals: http://factormeals.com/factormeals50off and use code “FACTOR MEALS 50 OFFRosetta Stone: Unlock 25 languages for life at “ROSETTASTONE.com/passionstruck.”Prolon: Reset your health with 15% off at “ProlonLife.com/passionstruck.”Mint Mobile: Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at “MINT MOBILE dot com slash PASSION.”Hims: Start your journey to regrowing hair with Hims. Visit hims.com/PASSIONSTRUCK for your free online visit.Quince: Discover luxury at affordable prices with Quince. Enjoy free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/PASSIONNext on Passion Struck:In the next episode of Passion Struck, John sits down with Dr Samuel Wilkinson, YALE professor and author of the book "Purpose.". In this discussion, we go over why, for generations, we've been told that evolution suggests that life has no deeper meaning, that we're simply the result of molecular accidents.For more information on advertisers and promo codes, visit Passion Struck Deals.Join the Passion Struck Community! Sign up for the Live Intentionally newsletter, where I share exclusive content, actionable advice, and insights to help you ignite your purpose and live your most intentional life. Get access to practical exercises, inspiring stories, and tools designed to help you grow. Learn more and sign up here.Speaking Engagements & Workshops Are you looking to inspire your team, organization, or audience to take intentional action in their lives and careers? I’m available for keynote speaking, workshops, and leadership training on topics such as intentional living, resilience, leadership, and personal growth. Let’s work together to create transformational change. Learn more at johnrmiles.com/speaking.Episode Starter Packs With over 500 episodes, it can be overwhelming to know where to start. We’ve curated Episode Starter Packs based on key themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth, making it easier for you to dive into the topics you care about. Check them out at passionstruck.com/starterpacks.Catch More of Passion Struck:My solo episode on The Science of Healthy HabitsMy episode with Arthur C. Brooks on Finding Success, Happiness, and PurposeCan't miss my episode with Robert Waldinger on What Are the Keys to Living a Good LifeCatch my interview with Susan Cain on What is the Happiness of Being BittersweetListen to my solo epísode on Why Happiness Leads to Success: 3 Lessons from Richard BransonIf you liked the show, please leave us a review—it only takes a moment and helps us reach more people! Don’t forget to include your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally.How to Connect with John:Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles and on Instagram at @John_R_Miles. Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel here and to our YouTube Clips Channel here. For more insights and resources, visit John’s website.Want to explore where you stand on the path to becoming Passion Struck? Take our 20-question quiz on Passionstruck.com and find out today!
Chapter 1: What is the importance of mattering in our lives?
Coming up next on Passion Struck.
What we're trying to go for is convenience. If you're grabbing something off chat GPT and pasting it into a dating app, it's because you want to like reduce friction. You just want to make stuff easy, right? Real life is frictiony. Like social connection is frictiony. Mattering is frictiony. It takes work. It takes time, right? And so I think as we go towards an all too convenient society,
Chapter 2: How does technology affect our social connections?
we wind up losing some of the psychological benefits that can come from connection and mattering because we're trying to just bang things out and do it as easily as possible. Well, sometimes you have to put in some work to feel like things matter.
Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.
If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 583.
Whether you're a long term listener or tuning in for the first time, I am so grateful you're here. You have joined a global movement dedicated to unlocking your full potential, living with intention and making what truly matters matter most. Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on the powerful conversations we shared last week.
First, on Tuesday, we explored deep spiritual and personal transformation with Natalie Namaste, who shared her insights on the mattering mindset and how we can heal from within to step into our highest potential. Then I sat down with Dr. Sam Wilkinson to discuss the neuroscience of resilience decision making and how our brains adapt to life's biggest challenges.
If you miss either of these episodes, I highly recommend going back to listen to them. They're packed with insights that will transform the way you approach your own growth and well-being. Now, let me ask you this. What if the happiness we chase isn't the happiness we truly need? What if the stories we tell ourselves about fulfillment are actually leading us astray?
And how do we break free from the misconceptions that keep us from experiencing genuine joy, meaning, and connection? That's exactly what we're diving into today with one of the world's foremost experts on happiness and well-being, Dr. Laurie Santos.
She is a distinguished professor of psychology at Yale University, the creator of Psychology and the Good Life, the most popular course in Yale's 300-year history, and the host of the internationally renowned podcast, The Happiness Lab, which has surpassed 100 million downloads. In today's conversation, we explore the biggest myths about happiness and how our brains mislead us.
The role of social connection and feeling like we matter. Why the pursuit of achievement doesn't always translate to fulfillment. And lastly, practical science-backed strategies to build more joy, resilience, and deep relationships. This episode is filled with powerful takeaways that will challenge the way you think about happiness, meaning in the way that you design your life.
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Chapter 3: What makes Dr. Laurie Santos's Yale course so popular?
I think technology, all these technologies are supposed to be connecting us, right? Even a dating app, it's like literal purpose is to connect you with people. Maybe people you wouldn't meet if you're not at your local bar or something like that. But when the technology is not well suited to the way our psychology evolved, things can misfire in all these ways.
And far too often, what we're trying to go for is convenience. If you're grabbing something off chat GPT and pasting it into a dating app, it's because you want to like reduce friction. You just want to make stuff easy, right? Real life is frictiony. Like social connection is frictiony. Mattering is frictiony. It takes work. It takes time, right?
And so I think as we go towards an all too convenient society, we wind up losing some of the psychological benefits that can come from connection and mattering because we're trying to just bang things out and do it as easily as possible. Well, sometimes you have to put in some work to feel like things matter. I mean, that was like the old school DESE studies that you talked about, right?
You putting the time in and maybe not even getting rewarded for it is one of the things that can build up some of the most intrinsic reward.
So one of the things that's a cornerstone of your teaching is gratitude. How does practicing gratitude enhance both happiness and the sense of belonging?
You know, we think of gratitude as, oh, I'm so grateful for my morning cup of coffee or something like that, but What the research shows is that gratitude is more of a pro-social emotion. This is work by Dave Desteno and others, where what gratitude really makes you feel like is like, wow, I have a lot and I should probably give some back to other people.
This is the kind of sense that gratitude gives us. So Dave finds that people who experience more gratitude want to volunteer more, right? They want to be nice to their future self, right? They want to save more for retirement and eat healthier because it's, I can give back to like my future self who's like another person, right? Yeah.
And so gratitude is an emotion that facilitates that kind of self-sacrifice, the kinds of hard work that leads to really positive social connection, leads to helping, and I think leads to doing things that really matter. So it's an emotion that gives you a sort of motivational bandwidth to do the stuff that I think increases mattering.
And it's also no surprise that gratitude and experiencing more gratitude winds up making you feel happier. I think in the moment, but I think it leads to these kind of positive happiness spirals where you feel good, but you also feel more motivated to do nice stuff for other people. And that boosts your social connection, which makes you feel even happier and less lonely and so on.
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