Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
Rewriting Your Money Story After a Major Life Shift with Aurora Culpo
Wed, 27 Nov 2024
The only constant is change; it’s cliche, but true. And when those big life changes happen, often our finances change (or need to!). Today, Nicole talks about how to evolve your money mentality and habits with Aurora Culpo, host of the podcast Barely Filtered. Aurora tells Nicole about how she shifted her money mindset during the big transitions in her life: getting married, becoming a mom, getting divorced, living alone for the first time, and changing careers. Together, Nicole and Aurora share strategies for taking back power in your self-worth and net worth during these big transitions. Check out Aurora’s podcast here, and keep up with her on Instagram here.
Chapter 1: What are the key transitions that impact financial mindset?
We talk about how these life events changed her financial picture, but even more importantly, how she changed her mindset to get through some of those harder times. And she has some great advice for anyone who's struggling to adapt to one of those big life changes. There she is. Aurora Coppola, welcome to Money Rehab. Thank you so much. How did you know that I needed this? Everybody needs this.
Have you needed Money Rehab in your life?
I don't think I've needed like rehab. I think I've played it safe, which is nice because I feel like I've never been in like dangerous debt, but I've also never really known what to do. I feel like my financial situation has gone from like the powers of my father to the powers of my ex-husband. And now I'm a year divorced. So now I'm like, well, I guess nobody's coming to save me.
I should have a plan. What's my plan?
Yeah.
Now the powers are with you. Yeah. Which is exciting. It's exciting. I play it safe. I don't overspend, but I also don't invest. So I start investing. I probably should. Right.
If I ever want to get rich, it's nice to make your money work for you because you work really hard for your money.
Yes. I guess I don't fully believe that that's possible. Why not? I don't know. I feel like it's always a risk to do something with your money. And I guess I'm afraid because I don't feel like I know enough about how to do it right.
Well, you're in the right place. Okay. And that's why I'm here. There are some ways to invest that are principle protected, which is very cool. So it means you won't lose money. Like if you invest in bonds or CDs, then you get a return, but you also get your original investment back.
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Chapter 2: How do life changes affect financial decisions?
I don't know what happened with his crypto stuff. That's the other thing, like when you go through a divorce with the finances. The crypto is just, you can't really do much for it. I don't even think a court can order somebody to show their crypto.
Oh, really?
So when you were going through it, what did... I just didn't ask and we didn't touch it. And that was it. That was that. So you didn't get any of it? No, I didn't get any cryptos. But do I want them? I don't think that they're there anymore anyway. Some kinds of crypto, maybe. Maybe. Do you know what kind? Bitcoin? It was Bitcoin and Ethereum. Yeah, you might want some. Yeah, maybe. I don't know.
That's done with. He can have his fake money.
Yeah, that's right. So I've been binging your podcast. Oh, we are loving it around here. Barely filtered. You talk really openly and honestly about your divorce and this transition time in your life. So what was that like? You started the podcast in 2023. Yeah. So it's been a year and a half. Yeah. And so how has that transition been?
The transition's been such a learning experience. I think you get better the more you do something. I did have a co-host in the beginning of my podcast, so that was nice for somebody to be there to help. kind of help the conversation along. And then just with my divorce, I mean, I guess it's kind of two separate subjects, but it paralleled that.
Like when I started, my podcast was actually when I also first moved into a place by myself. So it was kind of like just the season of becoming very independent and I think that's scary, but also it builds a certain self-esteem that I think you can't do when you have a partner, whether it's a co-host or a husband. So I think I've become a little bit stronger along the way.
It sounds like you've had to be.
Yeah, for sure. Not really an option.
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Chapter 3: What strategies can help after a divorce?
What a great time when stuff is on sale.
Yeah, I know. That's the only way that I've learned is like a safe way to invest your money.
And so renting now, do you still feel like things are overpriced?
I do feel like it's overpriced because when I like what I pay for rent and what, for instance, my sister pays the same amount in a mortgage and her house is five times the size of mine. Rent is just and we live in comparable neighborhoods in Southern California. But she bought her house a couple of years ago. I just started renting last year.
I think I got screwed with the rental market a little bit. It's just really high for what you get.
It sounds like for you, housing is more than just a place to sleep, right? It's safety. It's security.
Right. Well, it's also where I work most of the time, too, because a lot of the content that I shoot is at my house. I record at my house sometimes, my podcast. So I spend a lot of time there.
Makes sense. Yeah. But do you feel like you will be happy once you get into a house? Do you play this game with yourself, like the psychological game?
I'll be happy when I buy a house. I'm a control freak about like my space. I love home decor. I've flipped houses before and I love designing. I've done that a few times with my ex. And so I, it kind of drives me crazy that I can't like, that I don't own my space. I think that's the psychological part that drives me a little crazy.
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Chapter 4: Is renting a better option than buying right now?
I think in a way I really wanted to be a mom more than anything. And this is my boyfriend that I had been with for a long time who I really loved. I still really love him. He is a super independent kind of person who really told me pretty much from the start in many ways that he was never going to be like a family man. He never really wanted to be married. He still doesn't. And I forced it.
And I was like, I think I thought that Once we have the kids, he's going to change his mind. And once we're married, he's going to change his mind. But he really just never did. And he was never really like the kind of partner that I wanted, like somebody who really wanted to do things together and be real partners. And that showed up in more ways than one.
And then I couldn't really ignore it anymore. It was a hard decision to make. And my parents were not behind it. I still have friends who are like, you guys should just get back together. And honestly, sometimes like in the dating world, I'm like, he wasn't that bad, actually. This was a journey I was meant to be on because I think I really do.
I never would be happy unless I proved to myself that I could do it alone. I think that's kind of part of my journey.
Did you feel like you also weren't financially compatible? Like when you started dating, you were a teacher, right? Yes. And so then you started making more money.
Yeah.
Did that change that?
Totally.
And do you feel like that gave you more leverage, more power within the relationship to make the decisions that were right for you because you knew you'd be okay financially?
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Chapter 5: How can women gain financial independence?
But there's like really women all the time who can't leave. dangerous situations because they literally can't afford it.
It was one of the reasons I wrote my last book, Miss Independent, is because a lot of women who are in these controlling financial abuse situations, domestic abuse often goes with financial abuse too. They can't leave because they don't have the money. They don't have the resources. They're scared of making their own money. They don't know where the money is. And so it's often used as control.
But it sounds like when you talked about your divorce, you had a lot more options because you had money of your own. And when you talked about it on your show, you also, it sounds like you really felt for women who weren't able to do that.
Yeah, it's so empowering having your own money because it's your own freedom. And I worry for women who are putting all their hope in a man, not building a career of their own and staying home with kids. I like that idea, but it makes me worried because you don't have a backup plan and you're really counting on this man just staying with you forever. And statistics just don't support that.
Hold on to your wallets. Money Rehab will be right back. And now for some more Money Rehab. And when you were going through a divorce, it took two years?
Yeah.
How was it to untangle all the finances?
Oh, it was brutal. It was a nightmare. Because now you're at the whim of lawyers also who... I mean, the billing situation, to me, it's criminal. They can charge whatever they want. You don't really know what's going on.
And there's like this discovery process where you need to wait for everybody to like basically show all their cards and then eventually go in front of a judge if you don't figure it out through some. We ended up mediating mostly because I didn't want to pay for lawyers anymore.
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Chapter 6: What are the challenges of untangling finances during divorce?
I've been hearing some friends going through a divorce right now are using like a coach to ask questions to you or like to vent to you because sometimes when you vent to lawyers or you ask some questions, like it's on the clock.
It's on the clock. And sometimes they'll try to act like they're your friend, like you're having a conversation and they almost are taking advantage of you during this very vulnerable time. They're billing you for that. Or sometimes when you, it's an emotional time, like you have an emotional response to a lot of these. Of course.
things that you're questions that you're being asked and they're just so deadpan they don't have they do this every day and they're not a therapist they're they shouldn't be expected to be one but i don't know i had a really bad experience at that point because you're emotional and yeah the whole thing is emotional and you don't think like you're on the clock I had a bad experience with lawyers.
Yeah. And during the divorce agreement, I was reading that some of the settlement changes based on how much money you make.
Oh, yeah, yeah. That is true, actually. If I make over a certain amount of money, then he pays... Because we didn't do a normal child support situation. So basically, if I make over a certain amount, then what he has to give me in child support goes down a little bit. It's not very much anyway, because our earnings are almost equal.
And I was fine to sign off on that, because I'm like, if you don't need to pay me, then I don't want your money. And... Some of the deal, I'm like, I just want it to be done. And I signed off on something that I'm not thrilled about. So when I got bought out of the house, it's overtime without interest monthly. But it's what he could do. And I want it to be done. That was annoying.
For sure. Because then you could have made it. Invest.
Yes.
Yes.
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