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Chapter 1: What are the hosts' grievances with Christmas traditions?
Absolutely, I have.
Yeah. And it's unfortunate. And you see it. You can see it in any of those age groups that I've shown you. You can see a 12-year-old that already looks like hammered dog shit. You can see a toddler. These hammered dog shit toddlers, you immediately know, oh, God, they are so screwed. And then the teens.
Yeah. And like Pump said, even babies. I've seen a baby and I've been like, oof. I know exactly how you're going to turn out.
You know, the thing about babies is... In general, a really beautiful baby is incredibly rare.
Agree.
It is a very rare thing that you see a baby that's total Gerber baby. Right. Where you're like, oh, my God, this baby is gorgeous. And despite statistically there not being that many beautiful babies, it's
The delusion that so many people are under that their babies are beautiful evidenced by the chronic sustained posting of all of these ugly babies is something that is just never really addressed.
I think I take it one step further. I would say instead of saying there are very few beautiful babies, I would say 90 plus percent. of babies are ugly until they kind of get cute. And very specific to my own self, when my first child was born, you know, you have back in the day, you had like a photographer come in or they took like a picture.
It wasn't like a photographer, but it was like you put them up in clothes before they left and you took a picture. And I mean, it was like two days old. Right. And I just thought, that's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen in my life. I mean, that is a beautiful baby.
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Chapter 2: Why is gift wrapping a controversial topic?
Well, there's only – I only follow three people and they all have really cute babies. So I got lucky on that situation.
I have some blood relative babies. Two of my blood – two of my – Yeah, the blood relative babies, I mean – And they're attractive babies as evidenced by the DNA sharing. I was just going to say, did we think that anything less would happen given that you're in the bloodline? I'll tell you what, I don't think I was that cute of a baby.
I have this really faint birthmark right here in between my eyebrows that's red like a port wine stain. And it's completely faded now. But when I was born, it was very pronounced. So I had like a red skunk mark. Right here. And I think when I would cry, it would really heat up and it would get even redder. But as I aged, it faded and faded. But I'm sure that that wasn't very attractive.
My mother would probably sit here and say, oh, no, you were absolutely gorgeous, darling. The most beautiful baby in the history of the world. When you said you had a port wine stain, I was like, I have known you for 22 years and I've never noticed it. So it can't be that dramatic. But it... You grew out of it.
Yes. All right. Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Ho, ho, ho. She is all dressed up for Christmas. I did not dress up for Christmas because she sucks. I do not have to Monday morning quarterback on the Christmas episode as though I've not been in the Christmas spirit this whole time. And you everybody can pull all the tapes me. Somebody's talking about hating rapping.
Somebody's talking about hating Christmas carols. Somebody's talking about Christmas decorations. Somebody's fighting exhaustively with her Christmas light installer. And so I think the permanent record reflects that you can dress up all you want to and pretend. like you are a big fan of Christmas, but we know that you hate it. We know that you hate the birthday boy.
We know that you hate birthday parties. Right. We know. We know. Well, I'm just going to tell you, it's lipstick on a pig right here. You got it. All right. Kylie. Hi. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. What's going on on the internet?
I've got an email from a listener that I'm gonna start off with. And she writes, I've had it with mom influencers thinking going to the pumpkin patch or going to see Santa is like a new thing. Flipping drives me up the wall. We don't give a shit what designer, aka Target, you and your kid are wearing to the outing that everyone with kids goes to. You're not special. No one cares. I've had it.
Oh, and then don't get me started with family Christmas pictures. My family Christmas picture this year is my 18-year-old son flipping me off when we went to get our Christmas tree. Stop. Oh, and stop wearing matching clothes. I like that.
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