How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
From ‘I’m Too Short’ to ‘I Feel Amazing!’ How to Transform Your Dating Confidence NOW (Live Coaching with Ryan)
Tue, 01 Apr 2025
Do you ever feel like you’re not tall or good-looking enough for women you find attractive? What if the real turn-off for women isn’t your height or looks but your insecurities? In this live-coaching episode, author and dating coach Connell Barrett helps his client Ryan crush those mindset blocks using a powerful process called the Authentic Awakening. It’s an effective way to build instant confidence by exposing the lies your insecurities tell you. The result? Ryan walks away with a whole new outlook on himself and on dating!Highlights of this Episode Include:2:01: Meet Your “Lower Self,” the Insecure Side that Kills Your Confidence4:45: The Brutal Belief that Nearly Made Ryan Quit Dating25:57: Ryan Sees the Cracks in His Toxic “I’m Too Short” Story32:16: The Hidden Toll Your Fear-Based Mind Takes on You44:25: The Truth About What Women Are Attracted to in Men59:56: Connell Smashes Ryan’s Toxic Belief1:22:41: Ryan Awakens His Higher Self—Ryan the Bold!Listen now and transform your dating confidence, just like Ryan did!DO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT YOUR DREAM GIRLFRIEND? BOOK A FREE CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN ABOUT 1-1 COACHING:http://www.DatingTransformation.comEMAIL CONNELL FOR A FREE COPY OF HIS NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”:Connell@datingtransformation.com
Chapter 1: How can understanding the 'lower self' improve your dating confidence?
And I think recently, like I'm kind of starting to notice a slight change in terms of things. But this is also like something that I have a lot of work to do. And, you know, and in terms of like approaching women, whether it's like kind of in the context of, you know, just everyday life or like going out, you know, these are things that kind of come to my mind and kind of can affect my vibe.
Yeah, so as you might know from knowing a little bit about my book, in my book I talk about this idea of the higher self and the lower self. And the lower self is that voice of self-doubt where you see a woman you want to talk to and that part of you is like, oh my God, I would love to go meet her. But then that little voice says things like, oh, she won't like me.
Chapter 2: What is Ryan's biggest dating insecurity and how does it affect him?
because x or y i'm not this enough i'm not tall or rich or cool enough do me a favor just give me a quick 30 second play by play for when you want to approach your type of attractive woman what does that little voice say to you that stops you or that inhibits you in any way yeah it's a good question i think like um
Yeah. Let's say I'm like in the grocery store and I see a super, uh, attractive woman, like, uh, you know, a nine or something that's, uh, you know, wearing like, like athletic and, you know, beautiful and everything. I think, oh man, like this girl is so hot, but she, she gets hit on all the time. She's, um, you know, way out of my league. I'm kind of like
Um, there's, there's a little, there's not too much point in approaching her cause she's, yeah, she's like so far out of my league and, um, it probably just, um, won't go anywhere basically.
Out of your league. Why? I don't mean right now if you don't feel that way, but in those moments of doubt, what specifically makes her out of your league? What are you lacking or not having to offer?
I think really like the main thing is just appearance. Like I feel in terms of like the rest of my life and I'm at the point where I've, you know, over the course of years of getting to where I want to be, I feel pretty good about my career, my life experiences, you know, which would travel and, you friends and social skills and stuff in terms of getting to a place where I want to be with that.
And even just like talking to random people, like whether it's in a romantic or just friendly context. So it's, it's, it's more just like, Oh, like, you know, this girl is a lot more physically attractive than I am. Like that's the main thing.
So she's a nine or 10 in your mind physically. And in those doubtful moments, what number are you or how do you feel you are in those moments when you're like, Oh man, I'm, I don't, I'm not the number she wants. What number are you?
Maybe like a five or something. Um, or maybe it ranges maybe from like a four to a seven or something. Um, yeah. So maybe like a four on those days, I think realistically, like if I look at it logically, um, it's probably higher than that, but on my worst days, it's a four, maybe even like a three, to be honest.
Um, where I'm like, Oh, I'm just like, you know, I don't like the way I look in the mirror and stuff. And,
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Chapter 3: What is the Authentic Awakening process?
All right, let's first define the biggest limiting belief that's holding you back. And by the way, there's different beliefs in the world. Some beliefs are true. Some beliefs are false. And some beliefs have a gray area. Not every belief is limiting. Or I should say, not every belief is false and limiting. For example, I believe that I am not going to win the Wimbledon tennis tournament next year.
Well, why? Because I routinely get beaten by this post-menopausal woman who I play tennis with. And if I can't beat her, I'm probably not going to take down Federer or a top player. So some beliefs are absolutely true. We want to make sure there's not a belief about you that's actually bullshit or partial bullshit. So let's get to it. First question for you is...
what do you feel is the biggest belief about yourself that hurts your confidence a story that makes you feel like oh man i'm just not just not enough for the kind of women i would love to approach and to date yeah um i think yeah it's interesting uh perspective i think um
I think if I had to summarize it, it would basically be, yeah, I'm not good looking enough. Like my face isn't like, you know, good looking enough. And my, you know, height and hair probably don't help either. But, you know, date these super hot women that are out of my league physically. I think that's probably all I had to summarize it.
All right. So would you say not good looking enough is the biggest weight pulling your confidence down, at least in the area of approaching?
Yeah, definitely. I think I'm like, at least, uh, on a good day, like in this depends for sure. Cause there are days where socially I don't feel as confident. And then on those days it's like, you know, I'm going to make a fool out of myself. I'm going to be weird. I'm going to be creepy. Like that can a hundred percent play a role. Um, I think generally speaking and like maybe, uh,
neutral or positive um day like i think i'm pretty well socially calibrated to situations um but but you know that can come up as well if it's like oh i'm feeling crappy today i'm probably going to give out this weird creepy like type of vibe um yeah okay so i'm going to write this sentence down tell me if this is pretty close to what you feel i am just not good looking enough to approach and attract quality women they want better looking guys than me that's basically it right
Yep, yeah, 100%.
Okay, cool. So we've identified it. Is that belief true? Is it false? Is there a gray area? I don't know. Let's find out. Let's examine it using this process that I call the higher self-awakening trademark, patent pending. And here's one, let me give you a little inside baseball. Here's why this belief feels almost like it's just, it probably doesn't even feel like a belief.
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Chapter 4: How can beliefs about looks negatively impact dating success?
And when I'm out at night, like there are times where like these girls will like come on to me and they're girls that I'm just like not interested in at all.
Um, and even like lesser attractive women do come up to you, but not the quality ones.
Yeah. I mean, I've like throughout my life I've had interest. Um, and yeah, it's pretty rare that the types of girls that express interest are the types of girls that I'm interested in. It's, it's happened a few times throughout my life. Like is anomalies like, Oh wow, like she's actually pretty cute. But let me jump in.
Let me ask you to stay focused and imagine you are talking to a jury. Be really, really efficient with your language and be really make your case. Online dating is all about looks. That's one of your, Yep, 100%. Your best friend got hit on a lot. He was a good-looking guy. Lesser girls come up to you. Great. Keep going.
What other evidence do you have that you are just not good-looking enough to approach and attract quality women?
Yeah, one of the things that I kind of do to try to break this belief, and this just further reinforces my point, is I'll see a guy that's kind of goofy-looking, and I'll be like, oh, this is kind of proof that... looks don't entirely, um, matter, but then I'll just like realize like, Oh, actually women find them incredibly attractive. Like if he had a Tinder profile, he'd do really well.
Um, so even though like, even in those cases where you're like, Oh, like, you know, this person's like unconventionally like, or weird looking, it's still kind of further proves that, Oh yeah, it looks kind of matter a ton, you know, like, um, And, you know, just subtle body cues.
Like if somebody is kind of like engaged with you and talking and smiling and like, you know, playing with their hair versus kind of looking around or on their phone and they're just like, oh, like this weird dude just came up to me. He's like kind of beneath me and stuff.
Is this firsthand experience of you experiencing that?
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Chapter 5: How does the Higher Self Awakening exercise work?
Just wanted to make sure I knew the number. So if there was a big number, we could use that. But it sounds like we can't use that because we're in a court. We've got to tell the truth, right?
Yeah, I kind of can't. I mean, verbatim, it's pretty difficult to remember those exact words, yeah.
Okay, fair enough. All right, maybe they didn't say you're ugly. But how many of them said, I don't date bald guys? Or, sorry, you're just like, I want somebody who's handsomer. Anything like that? Clear language I'm talking. Not vibe, not you interpreting it that way, but clear language that women have said to you in an approaching situation.
I don't really think there, nothing comes to mind. I'm sure there are times because I've done approaching and I, you know, again, where it's like a vibe thing, but in terms of explicit, like saying that, like I, yeah, I don't, yeah, I think so.
Got it. Okay, good. Next question. Um, the next question is, how does this, when you feel this way,
give me a quick brainstorm of how it feels to, um, when you, when you really sucked into that, what I call that lower self mindset, how does it, how do you feel about yourself when you are feeling, you know, unattractive or sorry, uh, yeah, physically unattractive when you see other guys with hot girls. Yeah.
Give me a little, if you don't mind being a bit vulnerable, um, give me a little brainstorm of how it feels when you, especially in those lower moments.
yeah basically um i mean lowest moments um i think like kind of worst case of everything situation is like i'm out at night like i'm a little drunk which you know and i'm already like a pretty anxious wreck and not feeling good about myself i'm like damn like i just got like a ton of blowouts like these girls are you know making out and dancing with other guys she kind of gives me that disgusted vibe when i'm like talking to her and stuff there's just like no way that this is gonna
work out and maybe it's not explicit like this is probably it's it's tough if i'm presenting this to the jury like maybe it's not explicit but my evidence is she rejected me and then she came on to somebody else uh in a very like you know we're moving away from the evidence part now we're talking about how this belief makes you feel about yourself or how you feel about yourself in these in the context of approaching and seeing other guys succeed and you fail i'll use myself as an
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Chapter 6: What are some real-world examples that challenge beliefs about attractiveness?
Maybe I'm just a bald, average-looking guy that's going to have to settle for a job.
Connell means well, but nothing's going to help me. I'm stuck.
Connell means well, but nothing's going to, nothing's going to help. I'm stuck.
I'm just not good looking enough. And that's the reality.
I'm just not good looking enough. That's the reality.
Okay. Hold that body position for five more seconds. Just really feel it in your body and your mind. Now, right now, bro, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being amazingly confident, positive, hopeful, 1 being low, negative, unattractive, stuck, what number are you at right now?
Like a 2.
Okay. Please return to a neutral position. Thank you so much for doing that. Okay. I did not make you feel like a 2 to be a jerk. I have good intentions. At a 2... I wanted you to feel the consequence, the emotional consequence of your belief. I wanted you to feel how shitty it feels. I wanted you to feel how small it makes you feel. And I wanted you to feel how stuck and kind of low and shitty.
I wanted you to feel the emotional consequence. Here's why I wanted you to feel that way. By the way, let me ask you this. Feeling it a 2 out of 10 right then and there, did you feel like it would be... almost impossible to approach a woman in that state.
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Chapter 7: Is it possible to change your mindset and improve dating outcomes?
Probably not. Maybe, uh, people that are, you know, like hitting on me, but even then, I mean, they probably will lose interest. So probably nobody, you know, here's the question.
Now here's the big question. And really think about it before you answer. Is it possible, maybe not 100% certain, but is it possible that this belief that sucked you down to a 2 out of 10, is it possible that that is hurting you just as much and maybe even more than your actual physical appearance with women?
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
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