Digital Social Hour
Texting Secrets: How to Turn Matches into First Dates | Benjamin Seda DSH #1297
Fri, 04 Apr 2025
Unlock the secrets to turning matches into memorable first dates! 🔑✨ In this episode of the Digital Social Hour, Sean Kelly dives into the art of modern dating with expert Benjamin Seda, who’s been coaching men for over a decade. Get ready for practical, actionable advice on texting techniques, building confidence, and creating genuine connections in today’s fast-paced world. From mastering dating apps like Hinge to approaching women in everyday situations, this conversation is packed with valuable insights you won’t want to miss! 🚀 Learn why texting is one of the most critical dating skills, how to approach women with ease, and Benjamin’s incredible “24 girls in 24 hours” social experiment that will blow your mind! 🤯 Whether you're navigating post-COVID dating challenges or looking to level up your game, this episode is your ultimate guide to success. 💡 🎧 Tune in now and join the conversation! Don’t miss out—watch now and subscribe for more insider secrets. 📺 Hit that subscribe button and stay tuned for more eye-opening stories on the Digital Social Hour with Sean Kelly! 🎙️🔥 #redpill #selfimprovement #redpillmindset #moderndating #redpillrage CHAPTERS: 00:00 - Intro 00:35 - How to Meet Women in 2022 04:29 - Picking Up 24 Girls in 24 Hours 12:14 - Texting Strategies for Dating 14:02 - Understanding the Red Pill Movement 19:08 - What Do You Bring to the Table in Dating 22:05 - Have You Ever Had a Virgin Client? 24:39 - Should You Wait Until You're Successful to Date? 27:13 - Dan Bilzerian Method Explained 30:34 - Best Dating Apps for 2023 34:00 - Where to Find Benjamin 34:23 - End APPLY TO BE ON THE PODCAST: https://www.digitalsocialhour.com/application BUSINESS INQUIRIES/SPONSORS: jenna@digitalsocialhour.com GUEST: Benjamin Seda https://www.instagram.com/realbenjaminseda/ LISTEN ON: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digital-social-hour/id1676846015 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5Jn7LXarRlI8Hc0GtTn759 Sean Kelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmikekelly/ #redpill #selfimprovement #redpillmindset #moderndating #redpillrage
Chapter 1: Why is dating harder post-COVID?
Very much so. Yeah. It's kind of like, where do you even start? It's funny because I noticed after COVID, it got way worse. I've been making dating content on YouTube specifically for almost 10 years now, and After COVID, there was a very noticeable difference, I think, because people were stuck inside for so long, and it really destroyed third spaces for people.
Are you familiar with the concept of third spaces? No, what is that? So basically, the way most people used to meet was some variation of social circle, whether it's I go to work, I go to school, I go to class, and I go to church. These are all third spaces where you're not just at home.
But now with COVID making remote work super, super popular, most of the guys that I work with or take on as clients, it's not that they're ugly or virgins or never been on a date. It's just that they're professionals. In fact, they're honestly usually making a lot of money, but they're working from home all day, 24-7. And their routine is go home or work all day, go to the gym, come back, repeat.
That's it. So if you're not really in the third space, which is maybe the gym these days, people don't go to church anymore. And there's all sorts of laws and bad stigma with meeting people at work. It makes it really, really hard for people to date. And then they jump on dating apps. They don't get any results. Right, never end cycle.
Chapter 2: Is the gym a good place to meet women?
Do you think the gym is a good spot to get girls? Because I've heard conflicting things on this. Like some girls feel creeped out, right?
Yeah, I think... With anything, right? If you do it the right way, then it can work. And I think the easiest way to make it work in a way that feels okay in the gym is number one. And this goes for all types of approaches when you're approaching girls that you always want to do it in a way where it's very easy for her to exit the interaction gracefully. Right?
So the wrong way to approach a girl is to catcall or be like, hey, mama, you look so hot or you're so sexy or something very abrasive. It's always better to start off with something. You can give a genuine compliment, but even as something as simple as like, hey, I saw you. I wanted to come meet you really fast. Right? The intent is implicit there. You can compliment as well.
But that way, if a girl isn't really interested, she can gracefully exit. The same is true at the gym, right? At the gym, the only difference I would say is that your social reputation is potentially at stake when you're there. So, meaning if you go up and you're super aggressive or you give a very direct compliment and it goes poorly,
you're going to have to see that girl again, or maybe she'll report you to the gym staff or whatever. So generally the best way is to, I find just be generally social at the gym, right? And you don't need to be like a dancing monkey, but if you see people just make it a habit to smile and nod so that when you do smile and nod at the girl,
She'll know, oh, this is just the guy who's always talking and social with people. And then if she seems open and receptive, then you can go for it. I think you can directly approach a girl at the gym too. It just has to be done correctly in terms of like your body language. And again, do it in a way where it's not invasive.
Like the worst way is when she's bent over with her ass out on the machine and you come over. And you're like, hey, by the way, I thought you were really cute. I wanted to meet you. And she's like, what? I can't hear you. You got the headphones. And so it requires a good amount of social calibration and awareness to do it the right way.
But I think just being social in general, talking to everybody so that if a girl sees you talk to her, her guard is going to be down because it's like, oh, that's the guy who talks to the guy at the front desk. And I see him talk to everyone else. Right. So and just generally speaking, I mean, you live in a big city. We're here in Vegas. Just having that ability to make conversations with people.
I mean, dude, I talked to someone in the sauna and then we ended up doing business together or some random guy in the street who asked for directions. You never know where this can take you.
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Chapter 3: How did Benjamin Seda pick up 24 girls in 24 hours?
tap back into that initial healthy masculinity and the ability of going out and creating these opportunities for yourself, given that the dating landscape has changed. So yeah, I did a challenge where every day for 30 days straight, I had to film and upload a successful approach. And every day of the 30 days of January, there was a different challenge.
So one, I had to do one where I was in the middle of jogging. One, it had to be at the grocery store, the gym. So literally any situation you could imagine yourself in. And if I didn't successfully complete and upload 30 full approaches, I'd have to give away 10 grand to a random stranger on the street. So the stakes were there. It was 100% real, like the whole thing. I didn't sleep.
I was super sick throughout the whole thing. But the last day's challenge was picking up 24 girls in 24 hours. So that one was interesting because there was a lot of logistics that went into making it happen. So what's the best time to do it? I was in Miami, right? So you think there was a couple stipulations. It couldn't just be at a nightclub or a festival where you can just- That'd be too easy.
They're drunk.
It'd be too easy. And it- And it just ruins the spirit of the challenge, which was to meet people day to day, to not have to go to a nightclub or do something that's super invasive to your day to day. Because a lot of guys who are successful, like I talked about, who are working 24-7, I mean, you're going to the sauna tonight. It's a Friday night in Vegas. You could go to a bar, a casino, a
club, you can do anything. But if you're busy working and you have goals, you don't want to spend three hours at a nightclub, wake up hungover and drunk, right? You want to be able to do it in a way that's day to day. So yeah, it was all during the daytime. Obviously it spilled over a little bit at night, but it was all approaches on the street or at different locations during the day.
So yeah, I did 50,000 steps that day, over 50,000 steps. Me and my cameraman.
Yeah.
That's insane. Yeah. Our feet were hurting. We brought five different batteries, three different SD cards, and we literally were at like 7% or 6% battery by the end of the day. We had to stop in the middle to go and recharge everything, but it still wasn't enough. And I did it in, I believe, 13 hours. If you see the video, I timed the whole thing. I showed the step counts.
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Chapter 4: What are the best strategies for texting women?
And I mean, the best place to start is like when I work with clients, I'm not saying, hey, dude, you got to go get 10 numbers this week. Like it's like, no, dude, just start a conversation. Just say hi. And if after you say hi, if you feel comfortable, you can ask a follow up question. But just start by saying hi or I like your shirt or I like your X, Y, Z thing just to get you guys need to
remove the mental programming that if I talk to a girl or start a conversation that I'm going to have some sort of bad reaction. So the way you do that is by you remove all the pressure. It's like, listen, I have no expectation of you getting a number. All you have to do is go up and just say hi. That's it. Just say hi, give her a compliment, anything.
Because then they start to realize I can initiate conversations with a stranger and you're only ever going to get three reactions, positive, negative, or neutral. That's it. And when you know that you're going to get one of those three, it kind of removes the uncertainty and the fear. And then you start to see, whoa, like I said, hi, or I told her, gave her a compliment.
And now she's talking to me. And like, all of a sudden these guys are getting numbers when they weren't even trying to do it. Right. Because they start to understand that sometimes luck can play on your side, the more repetitions and position opportunities you give yourself.
Yeah. It's almost like a numbers games once you're doing the reps. Right.
Yeah, I think the whole thesis of game or the skill of dating is so that it's not a numbers game. But very much in the beginning and the biggest problem with guys I see today is that they're just not meeting enough women, period. Dating is a math problem. And the formula is really simple. It's like leads times conversions equals dates. You only ever have two problems.
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Chapter 5: How does the red pill movement affect dating?
Either you're not meeting enough women Or the women that you are meeting, you're not turning into a date. For example, you get zero matches, you're not going to get any dates on the apps, right? But if you have a hundred matches, even if your text game is awful and you only get, you know, 10% of those girls out on dates, that's 10 dates, right? So there's a conversion aspect of this.
And then there's a, like a, just a volume and lead generation aspect of it. So, In a perfect world, you do want to get to a point once you develop the skill set after a lot of repetitions and after lots of volume where you can just go up and approach a girl and with pretty high confidence know you can lead that to at least a date. Not every girl is going to love you.
You're not going to be the right fit for every girl. But at least know that I can get this to a date or make it progress into something where there's a possibility there. So in the beginning, it's definitely a numbers game, right? Like most guys, they're just not meeting enough women, whether it's on the apps. Most of the guys I talk to who approach me to –
for coaching or for private consulting is most of them are just not doing approaches at all, right? Or if they do, it's very infrequent. It's like, okay, when was the last time you did an approach? I mean, guys go out to bars or clubs with their friends, and then you're like, okay, how many approaches did you do? You went out last Friday. How many did you approach? Did you just do none?
It's like, okay, so you just stayed up late all night and drunk to drink with your friends. It's like, what better opportunity did you want, you know? So in the beginning, especially if someone's early in the skillset, volume and the numbers game aspect is really important in my opinion.
That makes sense. The text game is important. Now I've heard mixed messaging on this. What's your approach when it comes to texting women? Because some guys are like, you should ignore them. Some guys are like, you should text them every day. Is it case by case? Yeah, so this is a great question, right?
So texting is really important because even if you have 10 out of 10, you have a 10 out of 10 dating profile, you can have a 10 out of 10 approach skills.
If you don't, if you can't convert that phone number that you get from the dating app or from in-person, if you can't convert that into a date, like the text conversation is going to determine whether or not she agrees to the date in the first place. So in a lot of ways, I say this to my guys all the time, texting is one of the most important dating skills, period.
Because you can ruin a great first impression with a text conversation, or you could potentially repair one. So in terms of, how to do it in the most effective way. I find a lot of the gamesmanship or the trickery around like, oh, ignore her or wait X amount of time to do it.
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Chapter 6: Do women chase high-value men?
Honestly, yeah. I would say in my experience, I think... So I think the red pill movement... has probably made guys worse off with dating in a lot of ways. Yeah, so the red pill is an interesting thing because, like I said, I've been making dating content for 10 years now. So when I started making dating content, a big reason why my original channel...
blew up and the original branding that I had blew up was because back then the way guys would consume dating content was you either had these pickup artists who had these very niche subcultures where they used all this complicated words and jargon and it was just very cringe, right? So it was a high barrier to entry.
If you're just like a normal guy who's like, hey man, I'm not really getting a lot of dates or, you know, with girls, I feel like my game could be better. you don't want to jump into this weird subculture of guys that you don't really relate to. On the other hand, you had very generic advice, like ask men style advice, where it's like, just be confident or get a better haircut.
And that's not very practical or actionable either. So, where the content that we made on YouTube stood out was it was very direct. It was very actionable to the point, but it wasn't, it had a low barrier to entry to consume. Like anyone could watch it, right? Like you could watch it and learn something from it, even if you knew nothing about pickup or dating.
The thing with the red pill movement is I actually think it's not a coincidence that it blew up the way it did during COVID, right? Because the red pill movement, I started seeing the first kind of inklings of it in 2018, 2019. There was a few niche YouTubers that were making red pill content. I saw them starting to gain some traction.
But it really hit escape velocity during COVID because everyone's inside, right? So if you were meeting people out and about, you're not anymore. Now you're inside. You're relying on dating apps or you're getting terrible results because dating apps are photos-based. And the average guy has no idea how to take photos of himself because the average guy doesn't even own a full-length mirror.
You'd be surprised at the number of guys where I'm like, okay, we're going to get you a photo shoot done. We're going to get you a photographer. We're going to completely revamp your profiles. Just send me your five pictures of you wearing your five best outfits in a full-length mirror. half the guys don't even own a full-length mirror, right?
I don't think I do, actually.
Yeah, right? You're a guy, right? You check for two seconds for a hygiene check, make sure you look presentable, and then you're out the door. But when it comes to taking photos, all of those little details matter, right? So the average guy doesn't know what they're doing on the apps. They don't have good photos. They don't know how to precisely package themselves in an attractive way.
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