Zeth Burton
Appearances
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Let's see, close to two years now. Two years. Where at? Mostly now in Los Angeles, but I started here in Dallas.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
What brought you here? Well, it's my mom's birthday this week, so I came for that, and I was like, you know what, let's drive three hours to, you know, let's do this, right?
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
And what do you do for work? Oh, I work at... I give tours at a movie studio. Okay. Yeah. And how long have you been doing that for? About two years. I got the job immediately as I moved out there. Okay.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
She bought me some boots, and she also took me to a Rangers game. And then, yeah, yeah, they suck. But I also, I mean, I paid 200 bucks to get over here. So I was kind of like the big gift for her.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Oh, no. Well, you see, like, whenever there's turbulence, sometimes people don't really understand what that means. What does it mean to you, Zeth? Um, well, because whenever I'm on a flight, I'm just picturing I'm going to die when I'm on the flight. Just in my head, I kind of, like, view, like, if the plane's going to crash, I don't know it's going to crash.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
So anything that happens, I'm just ready to die. Like, you know, I don't, like, I don't have... Keep going, yeah. I have... I have a lot of regrets, but when you die, you die. No one's going to tell you when it's going to happen, so it's going to happen when it happens. So have you ever died? I mean, there was one time I thought I was going to die.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Well, my goal is to be a comedian, believe it or not. But, you know, I've, uh... I used to be really fat, like I said, so I always want to own my own gym someday. Do that. And, uh, outside of that, I'm really... I ain't got no ambitions outside of that.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Probably like the whole belt right here. Like, it had those stretch marks over my stomach. Like, I still got, I still got, like, the stretchy skin right here. I got my whole arms are all stretchy.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
You have? Yeah, my high school. I went to high school with somebody named Zeth, yes. And his brother's names are Zack and Zane. My brother's names are Zack and Zane. Wow.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
I mean, every time I saw it, I just felt like I was going to shit my pants on that plane. So a 10? I'd probably say a 10. Can I do something for you? What's that? Does that turn you on? Yeah, yeah.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Well, recently I was in Burbank, and, you know, look, it's pretty intense over there, I guess, but not really. It's pretty what over there? Intense. In what way?
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Well, generally it's not, but, like, I went over there once. I was over there at, like, 11 p.m. at night, and, you know, yeah.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
This guy pulled up in his car and he asked me to come over to it. He said, hey, come over to my car. So I came over to his car. And he showed me this, he showed me on his phone, he said, my girlfriend's been kidnapped, and he's scrolling through the sex trafficking website she was on, and then he showed me,
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Pitbull in his passenger seat, he's telling me that his family's been replaced with clones, and that his landlords were placed, the Armenian and Russian mafia were after him. His hand was bleeding, and the whole time I'm just trying not to laugh, because I feel like if I did, he was going to kill me. Because he was, what, seven foot three? Yeah, he was. He was seven foot four, actually.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
All right, how are we doing, everybody? Yeah? You know, I'm pretty tall. I come up here, I'm 6'5", you know, 200 pounds. You see any ladies out there. But anyway, so I hit about 6'5", 200 pounds. I was 12 years old. And, you know, no one really tells you, like, that's... You deal with a lot of stuff.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Like, I was, like, my nickname's, like, Saggy because I have saggy nipples, you know, like... Okay, you can laugh. It's fine. They call me Shrek, my football team, you know? And no one tells you, but as soon as I hit 12 years old, no one wanted to molest me anymore, man. It was over, you know? God. All right, this is a comment. Oh, God. But, oh, man. You know? But I'm from Texas.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Give it up for Texas, everybody. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right, let's chill out, okay? Yeah, like, growing up in Texas, high school's a lot different out here. Like, we didn't bring anything but a car to school days, so they're showing up in horses and tractors. And, you know, in career days, they're showing up in white hoods and crosses, you know? It's pretty crazy. I love it, man.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Oh, I was just saying, like, you know, when I was 15, we had, like, gun safety classes because they wanted to get to those school shooters early, you know? But they wish they had gotten me, though.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
I stole a shoe from a dog. It mounted me, man, and it just, like, just totally, like, kept it tight so it penetrated me, man.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
I mean, hey, like, I saw, like, there was another girl, like, who she was, like, I was gonna save her shoe, you know? Like, we were 12 years old. I was like, oh, this is it. And she, I couldn't, you know, there's no risk to get, like, if she watches me.