Virginia

You can imagine my shock and pure horror when I woke up to find that our president had given himself unprecedented executive powers and then within a few days named himself king to his followers.

You can imagine my shock and pure horror when I woke up to find that our president had given himself unprecedented executive powers and then within a few days named himself king to his followers.

A king is a tyrant. If a wrong step is made now, the republic will be lost forever and tyranny will rise. It's clear from all the writings of our founding fathers that our great republic was never meant to be ruled by a dictator nor a king.

A king is a tyrant. If a wrong step is made now, the republic will be lost forever and tyranny will rise. It's clear from all the writings of our founding fathers that our great republic was never meant to be ruled by a dictator nor a king.

You can imagine my shock and pure horror when I woke up to find that our president had given himself unprecedented executive powers and then within a few days named himself king to his followers.

A king is a tyrant. If a wrong step is made now, the republic will be lost forever and tyranny will rise. It's clear from all the writings of our founding fathers that our great republic was never meant to be ruled by a dictator nor a king.

And I'm figuring that out. Yeah. I'm figuring that out.

And I'm figuring that out. Yeah. I'm figuring that out.

still yeah so I get it yeah um but that's that's what we do yeah and you feel like you did that on your season yeah I'm doing it right now yeah there's so much yeah so your season came out when we went in so I was like trying to watch it but I finally and I was still afterwards I was processing what happened with mine so I just watched your season recently so I feel like even when I came up to you yesterday I was like bye

still yeah so I get it yeah um but that's that's what we do yeah and you feel like you did that on your season yeah I'm doing it right now yeah there's so much yeah so your season came out when we went in so I was like trying to watch it but I finally and I was still afterwards I was processing what happened with mine so I just watched your season recently so I feel like even when I came up to you yesterday I was like bye

like whatever but I'm like that's not who AD is now like AD is like a beautiful smart intelligent woman and I was like that was just so icky of me because she's not just body body is still T and will be okay thank you but you're so much more than that thank you and I feel like you're in a relationship now that like

like whatever but I'm like that's not who AD is now like AD is like a beautiful smart intelligent woman and I was like that was just so icky of me because she's not just body body is still T and will be okay thank you but you're so much more than that thank you and I feel like you're in a relationship now that like

Yes. You see it. And you get to stand in that light. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Watching that engagement video was so beautiful. Right. We all like come into this experiment wanting that. Wanting exactly what you have now. And I think for me, too, is like that it's still possible. Like it didn't work out for me this time, but like it can still work out for me.

Yes. You see it. And you get to stand in that light. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Watching that engagement video was so beautiful. Right. We all like come into this experiment wanting that. Wanting exactly what you have now. And I think for me, too, is like that it's still possible. Like it didn't work out for me this time, but like it can still work out for me.

I think that right now I really want to focus on myself. I watched it back and saw some things that I was like, oh, you cringe. I just was wondering if I was like kind of shrinking myself a little bit in that relationship. And that was a big, a big thing that I found out about myself through this. I mean, who gets to watch back?

I think that right now I really want to focus on myself. I watched it back and saw some things that I was like, oh, you cringe. I just was wondering if I was like kind of shrinking myself a little bit in that relationship. And that was a big, a big thing that I found out about myself through this. I mean, who gets to watch back?

And like God's protection in this of like that wasn't my person. But like you found your person. And I just...

And like God's protection in this of like that wasn't my person. But like you found your person. And I just...

Yeah. And I saw so much strength, too, in your season, too, of like, this is what I want. And even him being like, oh, I want to try again or whatever he did at the end. And you're like very much still standing in your power and ultimately like finding what works for you. And that's really empowering. Thank you. Did you and Devin ever talk about dating after?

Yeah. And I saw so much strength, too, in your season, too, of like, this is what I want. And even him being like, oh, I want to try again or whatever he did at the end. And you're like very much still standing in your power and ultimately like finding what works for you. And that's really empowering. Thank you. Did you and Devin ever talk about dating after?

So Devin and I both had hesitancy going into the wedding. We talked about it. And he said that I 100% have your back. I 100% have your back. We'll get married when we're both ready. So I was surprised watching his reaction. on the wedding day or even what he said afterward.

So Devin and I both had hesitancy going into the wedding. We talked about it. And he said that I 100% have your back. I 100% have your back. We'll get married when we're both ready. So I was surprised watching his reaction. on the wedding day or even what he said afterward.

Girl, he said, I was like, I didn't see a tear. Yeah, yeah. I think it was his family too, his family. You know when kids fall and you're like, you're good, get up. But when you're like, oh baby, I feel like that's what happened. They were like, oh baby. And he just like fed into that. Was he blindsided? No. Absolutely not. I have text messages, girl.

Girl, he said, I was like, I didn't see a tear. Yeah, yeah. I think it was his family too, his family. You know when kids fall and you're like, you're good, get up. But when you're like, oh baby, I feel like that's what happened. They were like, oh baby. And he just like fed into that. Was he blindsided? No. Absolutely not. I have text messages, girl.

We were talking about it the day before we were talking about it. And he said, man, sometimes I wake up and think, what the fuck am I doing? Like there was hesitancy on both sides. So he wasn't blindsided. At the end, he says something like, oh, I just could not imagine my life without Virginia. I kept calling him and he wasn't answering my phone calls afterwards.

We were talking about it the day before we were talking about it. And he said, man, sometimes I wake up and think, what the fuck am I doing? Like there was hesitancy on both sides. So he wasn't blindsided. At the end, he says something like, oh, I just could not imagine my life without Virginia. I kept calling him and he wasn't answering my phone calls afterwards.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes. So we talked about the prenup in the pods before he proposed. So that was something that he already knew. So it was kind of weird that he sounded like a little bit like I've never thought about that. Yeah. Yeah. I believe people should have prenups. I think that that's the way the world should go. Right. And it was something that I was thinking. standing very firm on.

Yes. So we talked about the prenup in the pods before he proposed. So that was something that he already knew. So it was kind of weird that he sounded like a little bit like I've never thought about that. Yeah. Yeah. I believe people should have prenups. I think that that's the way the world should go. Right. And it was something that I was thinking. standing very firm on.

His mom and sister, I think that day had a little bit of hesitancy around it, which I thought was weird. But it was insightful of how much control they have over him and all of his decision making because he had his mom look over the prenup. Is she a lawyer? Right. He said, I brought it to a family lawyer, but he was like, my mom thinks it looks good.

His mom and sister, I think that day had a little bit of hesitancy around it, which I thought was weird. But it was insightful of how much control they have over him and all of his decision making because he had his mom look over the prenup. Is she a lawyer? Right. He said, I brought it to a family lawyer, but he was like, my mom thinks it looks good.

Just read it yourself.

Just read it yourself.

Yeah. But I would want a prenup in any marriage that I'm in.

Yeah. But I would want a prenup in any marriage that I'm in.

So financial conversations are super important in relationships. And I don't think that most people have these conversations about bank accounts and what you're going to do. We just have this idea of love and everything's going to work out and people don't have that foresight. I think...

So financial conversations are super important in relationships. And I don't think that most people have these conversations about bank accounts and what you're going to do. We just have this idea of love and everything's going to work out and people don't have that foresight. I think...

their experience in that way and kind of get that insight into themselves.

their experience in that way and kind of get that insight into themselves.

People should get premarital counseling and go speak to somebody and a financial advisor and figure out your finances before go in with a plan. So I was just trying to force us to make smart, you know, informed decisions with our finances. Yeah. Was he like, I don't know.

People should get premarital counseling and go speak to somebody and a financial advisor and figure out your finances before go in with a plan. So I was just trying to force us to make smart, you know, informed decisions with our finances. Yeah. Was he like, I don't know.

Yeah, I know. And he kind of changed his energy about it. Right. We talked about in the pods. He changed his energy about it when his sister and mom had hesitancy around it. So I was kind of surprised that he was even pushing back on it because I thought it was like a done deal. But, yeah, he started pushing back more so when they.

Yeah, I know. And he kind of changed his energy about it. Right. We talked about in the pods. He changed his energy about it when his sister and mom had hesitancy around it. So I was kind of surprised that he was even pushing back on it because I thought it was like a done deal. But, yeah, he started pushing back more so when they.

Um, so that was a, that was a big deal.

Um, so that was a, that was a big deal.

problems with it so a common thing that i'm seeing between like a lot of the couples on this season are the sisters yes oh my god yes what's going on in minnesota and these sisters the sisters what is going on but you know sometimes those sisters were on to something like some of those sisters like at the end will watch it back and be like actually she was asking good questions

problems with it so a common thing that i'm seeing between like a lot of the couples on this season are the sisters yes oh my god yes what's going on in minnesota and these sisters the sisters what is going on but you know sometimes those sisters were on to something like some of those sisters like at the end will watch it back and be like actually she was asking good questions

So, yes, I think they're, you know, they should be protected. I have two stepsisters. OK, are they like that? No. OK. No, they're not like that. But I do think it's important for people to be, you know, fighting for you and asking hard questions.

So, yes, I think they're, you know, they should be protected. I have two stepsisters. OK, are they like that? No. OK. No, they're not like that. But I do think it's important for people to be, you know, fighting for you and asking hard questions.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

OK, so I'm gonna take this brief opportunity to stick up for Dave and his sister. Go ahead, girl. There's a bigger picture of that. Like his mom died. So I think she's maybe assumed that type of role. in their relationship, or they probably bonded over that. So him, I know he talks about his sister a lot.

OK, so I'm gonna take this brief opportunity to stick up for Dave and his sister. Go ahead, girl. There's a bigger picture of that. Like his mom died. So I think she's maybe assumed that type of role. in their relationship, or they probably bonded over that. So him, I know he talks about his sister a lot.

He talks about his sister a lot, but I think given the full picture of it, it's just because she's assumed that role in his life. You know what I mean? It's like, I want to check with my mom. Like, let me go check it with my mom, which is not like you having your own opinions, but I do think there's like a bigger, kind of sadder story about that thing, so...

He talks about his sister a lot, but I think given the full picture of it, it's just because she's assumed that role in his life. You know what I mean? It's like, I want to check with my mom. Like, let me go check it with my mom, which is not like you having your own opinions, but I do think there's like a bigger, kind of sadder story about that thing, so...

Yeah, everybody. All the girls are really close still. Um, I think the brides, like we went a little bit further in the process. So we were still in group chats and talking about it. And our experience was more similar and how deep we got into it. So I talked to them a lot. I'm also really close with Britt, a couple other girls too. Yeah.

Yeah, everybody. All the girls are really close still. Um, I think the brides, like we went a little bit further in the process. So we were still in group chats and talking about it. And our experience was more similar and how deep we got into it. So I talked to them a lot. I'm also really close with Britt, a couple other girls too. Yeah.

I do want to protect Dave a little bit today because I feel like he is getting a lot.

I do want to protect Dave a little bit today because I feel like he is getting a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that can't be the reason that you don't move forward. It can't be. It's like my sister said. It can't be. You can't use it in that way. Yeah.

And that can't be the reason that you don't move forward. It can't be. It's like my sister said. It can't be. You can't use it in that way. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So Devin and I had spent the day together. He met my dad. We signed the prenup. I went to go get my hair done because we... We're getting married the next day. And then I went to his hotel room. So he just checked into that hotel room that afternoon, evening. And he had a note from an ex-girlfriend on his nightstand. And I asked him like who it was from and he told me.

Yeah. So Devin and I had spent the day together. He met my dad. We signed the prenup. I went to go get my hair done because we... We're getting married the next day. And then I went to his hotel room. So he just checked into that hotel room that afternoon, evening. And he had a note from an ex-girlfriend on his nightstand. And I asked him like who it was from and he told me.

The interesting thing about this girl is we had a meetup where I met his friends and Devin didn't like tell me any back backstory to these friends. The only reason I know he dated her was because his mom said it when I met his mom. So he just wasn't being very transparent about a lot of things. Like it was like, why do I have to figure this out? From your mom? Hold on.

The interesting thing about this girl is we had a meetup where I met his friends and Devin didn't like tell me any back backstory to these friends. The only reason I know he dated her was because his mom said it when I met his mom. So he just wasn't being very transparent about a lot of things. Like it was like, why do I have to figure this out? From your mom? Hold on.

So he brought a love letter.

So he brought a love letter.

At the end, I was like, this is weird. And it was handwritten.

At the end, I was like, this is weird. And it was handwritten.

Yeah, he was, he just said it was from her. And I just thought that was weird. At that point, there was a check missing. There was a lot of stuff going on. Why was he hiding money? Yeah, that was really weird for me too. How'd you find that out? The mom said. Yeah, so I don't know if it was like, we got married on a Monday. So Thursday or Friday.

Yeah, he was, he just said it was from her. And I just thought that was weird. At that point, there was a check missing. There was a lot of stuff going on. Why was he hiding money? Yeah, that was really weird for me too. How'd you find that out? The mom said. Yeah, so I don't know if it was like, we got married on a Monday. So Thursday or Friday.

So like three or four days before the wedding, I went to a basketball game because they were in playoffs or whatever. And his mom came up to me. I was like, oh my God, kind of bragging. Like my boss gave you guys a thousand dollar check for marriage. for your wedding present. And she was like, did Devin tell you?

So like three or four days before the wedding, I went to a basketball game because they were in playoffs or whatever. And his mom came up to me. I was like, oh my God, kind of bragging. Like my boss gave you guys a thousand dollar check for marriage. for your wedding present. And she was like, did Devin tell you?

I'm keeping my $1,000. I know. And so it was his birthday weekend, so I put together this gift basket and hundreds of dollars of gift cards to all his favorite places, like Nike, Lululemon, all the things. And I was like, he got that too. He got $500 there. He got $1,000 over there. So it was just fantastic. Girl, he came up. Didn't he? He came up.

I'm keeping my $1,000. I know. And so it was his birthday weekend, so I put together this gift basket and hundreds of dollars of gift cards to all his favorite places, like Nike, Lululemon, all the things. And I was like, he got that too. He got $500 there. He got $1,000 over there. So it was just fantastic. Girl, he came up. Didn't he? He came up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. So our conversation around finances were very much like, we're both contributing to this household, which I'm a hundred percent fine with of like, we're contributing to this household. Um, we work on our finances together. If I come in with debt or you come in, like we can work, we can work this out. Let's figure out how we can do this and both contribute to this.

Okay. So our conversation around finances were very much like, we're both contributing to this household, which I'm a hundred percent fine with of like, we're contributing to this household. Um, we work on our finances together. If I come in with debt or you come in, like we can work, we can work this out. Let's figure out how we can do this and both contribute to this.

No. So after the wedding day, he never reached out again. Who's shocked? Not me. Yeah. So I was reaching out to him. He was answering only for a week and then he stopped answering my phone calls. But he's continued to hang out with everybody else and told them that I ghosted him.

No. So after the wedding day, he never reached out again. Who's shocked? Not me. Yeah. So I was reaching out to him. He was answering only for a week and then he stopped answering my phone calls. But he's continued to hang out with everybody else and told them that I ghosted him.

But that wasn't what was happening in those few weeks that we were. What was happening? I was paying for all the food that we were eating in the weeks. He didn't feed me once. And it's not a money thing. It's a thoughtful thing. You never were driving home from work and thought, I wonder if she ate something. Did you have those conversations? Yeah, we talked. I asked him that specifically.

But that wasn't what was happening in those few weeks that we were. What was happening? I was paying for all the food that we were eating in the weeks. He didn't feed me once. And it's not a money thing. It's a thoughtful thing. You never were driving home from work and thought, I wonder if she ate something. Did you have those conversations? Yeah, we talked. I asked him that specifically.

And he was like, I didn't know it was a competition. To feed me. To feed me. You know, so it was just like a maturity thing and emotional intelligence. Like it was just so many different things at the end that were just kind of rubbing up against each other.

And he was like, I didn't know it was a competition. To feed me. To feed me. You know, so it was just like a maturity thing and emotional intelligence. Like it was just so many different things at the end that were just kind of rubbing up against each other.

I don't want to just say age. It's just like a maturity.

I don't want to just say age. It's just like a maturity.

Yeah. So what I've learned about myself through this process is I definitely drive past red flag. Same. Yeah. So the good thing about this process is it requires you to make a decision in six weeks. I have dated the wrong man for six months. So I definitely probably would have like entertained it a little bit longer.

Yeah. So what I've learned about myself through this process is I definitely drive past red flag. Same. Yeah. So the good thing about this process is it requires you to make a decision in six weeks. I have dated the wrong man for six months. So I definitely probably would have like entertained it a little bit longer.

I think through the process, you're so emotionally invested and you kind of just get kind of foggy. Right. So coming out of it, I think I would have had more clarity of like, this is not going to work. Yeah, this is not going to work. But I wish he handled me with more respect and love afterwards because I deserve that. We didn't need to write off in the sunset together.

I think through the process, you're so emotionally invested and you kind of just get kind of foggy. Right. So coming out of it, I think I would have had more clarity of like, this is not going to work. Yeah, this is not going to work. But I wish he handled me with more respect and love afterwards because I deserve that. We didn't need to write off in the sunset together.

We didn't need to be friends if you couldn't handle that. but you needed to treat me with the love and respect that I treated you with this entire time.

We didn't need to be friends if you couldn't handle that. but you needed to treat me with the love and respect that I treated you with this entire time.

Yeah, we were talking about a number of things. At the end, there were people on his side who were like, you better get your girl, yelling over to my side. His sister said something kind of snappy.

Yeah, we were talking about a number of things. At the end, there were people on his side who were like, you better get your girl, yelling over to my side. His sister said something kind of snappy.

At the wedding. Yes.

At the wedding. Yes.

They were like, y'all better get your girl. Like talking about me, mind you, I'm, I'm in tears. I'm distraught. Like this, obviously I didn't go up here to, to embarrass this man, to hurt him. So they were very much rah-rah at the wedding.

They were like, y'all better get your girl. Like talking about me, mind you, I'm, I'm in tears. I'm distraught. Like this, obviously I didn't go up here to, to embarrass this man, to hurt him. So they were very much rah-rah at the wedding.

Yes. The sister. Other people from his side.

Yes. The sister. Other people from his side.

Yes. Yes. So we were kind of talking about that. Right. Even if we were going to entertain a relationship going forward, I need to know why your family turned on me so quick. My dad hugged him and like. gave him a lot of love and respect afterwards. Like I'm disappointed too, but you're a really good guy. Like that's the family I came from. These people were like, I'm serious.

Yes. Yes. So we were kind of talking about that. Right. Even if we were going to entertain a relationship going forward, I need to know why your family turned on me so quick. My dad hugged him and like. gave him a lot of love and respect afterwards. Like I'm disappointed too, but you're a really good guy. Like that's the family I came from. These people were like, I'm serious.

If I would have said yes, my last name would have been Buckley the next day. And they turned on me so quickly with no understanding of no like grace at all. Like it was such a, it was such a good moment for me. I was like, Oh my God. Thank you. Thank God I didn't say yes because I could have been a part of this family.

If I would have said yes, my last name would have been Buckley the next day. And they turned on me so quickly with no understanding of no like grace at all. Like it was such a, it was such a good moment for me. I was like, Oh my God. Thank you. Thank God I didn't say yes because I could have been a part of this family.

So that's been an interesting thing to navigate, especially before it was very much like we're in this together and I love you and we'll be together regardless.

So that's been an interesting thing to navigate, especially before it was very much like we're in this together and I love you and we'll be together regardless.

Absolutely. And it's like we're signing up for a marriage. And you're marrying the family. Yeah. Yeah. We're signing up for a life of marriage. It's not going to be easy. Yeah. young and I look nice in this wedding gown this is this is a great time to be alive but like how are we going to deal with obstacles right this was a gonna have to call And answer my phone calls. Like, what?

Absolutely. And it's like we're signing up for a marriage. And you're marrying the family. Yeah. Yeah. We're signing up for a life of marriage. It's not going to be easy. Yeah. young and I look nice in this wedding gown this is this is a great time to be alive but like how are we going to deal with obstacles right this was a gonna have to call And answer my phone calls. Like, what?

This is how you handle problems? We didn't have a lot of disagreements or problems throughout the process. So this was an opportunity for one, for you to protect me like I had been doing my entire time for you. So it just was very eye opening. Does he see it as you were protecting him? I don't think so. Yeah. I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what goes on in that head.

This is how you handle problems? We didn't have a lot of disagreements or problems throughout the process. So this was an opportunity for one, for you to protect me like I had been doing my entire time for you. So it just was very eye opening. Does he see it as you were protecting him? I don't think so. Yeah. I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what goes on in that head.

Oh, okay. So, girl, girl, girl. Did we miss something? I'm like, you took 24 ibuprofen? So he tells me and Brett the same story, which I think is interesting because in the process, I think he's supposed to tell the person he's proposing to the story. Right, right. So I don't know what that was about. That was something I think I learned through watching it back.

Oh, okay. So, girl, girl, girl. Did we miss something? I'm like, you took 24 ibuprofen? So he tells me and Brett the same story, which I think is interesting because in the process, I think he's supposed to tell the person he's proposing to the story. Right, right. So I don't know what that was about. That was something I think I learned through watching it back.

So he tells us this story and in the moment, To me, it sounds like he's just telling me about a hard time in his life. He did talk about the ibuprofen of like, yeah, there were 10 or I would take this many of it. But I know you can't be addicted to ibuprofen. I think it was just like him saying, I went through this really hard time. I had this surgery and I went to God and prayed about it.

So he tells us this story and in the moment, To me, it sounds like he's just telling me about a hard time in his life. He did talk about the ibuprofen of like, yeah, there were 10 or I would take this many of it. But I know you can't be addicted to ibuprofen. I think it was just like him saying, I went through this really hard time. I had this surgery and I went to God and prayed about it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was like, that is so good that you have your faith and you know where to go. It wasn't really about the ibuprofen. But afterwards, I found out that he very much felt like he had, you know, a problem with ibuprofen. So people... People look at me about to protect him again, but I think people don't know much about medicine. But he yeah, I think he did think that. I'll say that.

I was like, that is so good that you have your faith and you know where to go. It wasn't really about the ibuprofen. But afterwards, I found out that he very much felt like he had, you know, a problem with ibuprofen. So people... People look at me about to protect him again, but I think people don't know much about medicine. But he yeah, I think he did think that. I'll say that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. OK. I also wonder, too, because if you're having surgeries, they're prescribing you.

Yeah. OK. I also wonder, too, because if you're having surgeries, they're prescribing you.

Until it's not. Yeah. Yeah. So I haven't heard from him at all. I think he played like victim a lot at the end and kind of pointed the finger at me. So that's been it's been hard. I think I already have my guard up in life. Like I'm already not a person that opens up right when I meet people. So I got really vulnerable through the process and opened up a ton.

Until it's not. Yeah. Yeah. So I haven't heard from him at all. I think he played like victim a lot at the end and kind of pointed the finger at me. So that's been it's been hard. I think I already have my guard up in life. Like I'm already not a person that opens up right when I meet people. So I got really vulnerable through the process and opened up a ton.

Yeah. That was the biggest takeaway for me. That was the biggest takeaway for me. That is not my responsibility to protect.

Yeah. That was the biggest takeaway for me. That was the biggest takeaway for me. That is not my responsibility to protect.

What are we talking about?

What are we talking about?

I know. It's hard. I think that I do think culturally it's very normal. Unfortunately, I think protecting black men, I think that it's very common.

I know. It's hard. I think that I do think culturally it's very normal. Unfortunately, I think protecting black men, I think that it's very common.

I think what we learned here is, again, that the most unprotected demographic is the black woman. It's not the black man. It is the black woman. So at the end of the day, all the protecting that I did

I think what we learned here is, again, that the most unprotected demographic is the black woman. It's not the black man. It is the black woman. So at the end of the day, all the protecting that I did

Got me, you know. Unprotected.

Got me, you know. Unprotected.

You saw him at the reunion. Yeah. No accountability. Yeah. You know, we're learning and we're growing.

You saw him at the reunion. Yeah. No accountability. Yeah. You know, we're learning and we're growing.

No.

No.

It's not. Okay. We have the highest Somali demographic. We have the highest Hmong demographic. It's pretty diverse. Yeah. Yeah. So it was unfortunate that there wasn't more diversity on the cast. I think that there were four men who may have identified as black men. So two African men and then two biracial men. There were more black women. There were five black women. But

It's not. Okay. We have the highest Somali demographic. We have the highest Hmong demographic. It's pretty diverse. Yeah. Yeah. So it was unfortunate that there wasn't more diversity on the cast. I think that there were four men who may have identified as black men. So two African men and then two biracial men. There were more black women. There were five black women. But

The black men on the cast have said that they usually date white women.

The black men on the cast have said that they usually date white women.

So Devin, this wasn't in the final edit, but Devin in the pods tells me that his type is Alicia Keys. Okay. I'm like, okay, well, he probably gonna like me then because I fall under that a little bit. But later I found out very much that he normally dates white women. So a little dishonesty with that. But also it's a problem with diversity in the cast and us, you know, connecting.

So Devin, this wasn't in the final edit, but Devin in the pods tells me that his type is Alicia Keys. Okay. I'm like, okay, well, he probably gonna like me then because I fall under that a little bit. But later I found out very much that he normally dates white women. So a little dishonesty with that. But also it's a problem with diversity in the cast and us, you know, connecting.

Yeah, I dated a few other men in the pods. I didn't. Devin was my strongest connection. But up until the end, I had a few other. I think after the first day, though, I did go in and talk about faith.

Yeah, I dated a few other men in the pods. I didn't. Devin was my strongest connection. But up until the end, I had a few other. I think after the first day, though, I did go in and talk about faith.

and I talked about wanting kids and it's interesting like the cultural filtration around those things because I do think I lost a lot of white men in that part of the conversation because I don't know if it's a cultural disconnect but I think they heard conservative when I said that but like from a black perspective, it's like, we've always had our faith. And it was like such a strong thing.

and I talked about wanting kids and it's interesting like the cultural filtration around those things because I do think I lost a lot of white men in that part of the conversation because I don't know if it's a cultural disconnect but I think they heard conservative when I said that but like from a black perspective, it's like, we've always had our faith. And it was like such a strong thing.

So I think that there was like a cultural filter there. So I didn't connect with, I didn't see most of the white men through ethics after the first day.

So I think that there was like a cultural filter there. So I didn't connect with, I didn't see most of the white men through ethics after the first day.

So the way it ended, I think that like it was a little triggering because there goes my trust issues. A little triggering.

So the way it ended, I think that like it was a little triggering because there goes my trust issues. A little triggering.

Um, that's a really hard question because I think I'm still trying to figure it out. I think, um, I'm surrounded by strong black women, successful black women, and we're all still trying to figure it out. We're in our thirties. We want these families, um, and we want these partners and we're just missing it. Right.

Um, that's a really hard question because I think I'm still trying to figure it out. I think, um, I'm surrounded by strong black women, successful black women, and we're all still trying to figure it out. We're in our thirties. We want these families, um, and we want these partners and we're just missing it. Right.

We'll get on the dating apps or we'll go to the networking events and we're just not finding it. Um, I think it's hard in Minnesota specifically to find, um, you know, people that kind of match the same level of success or same, you know, background, but I'm trying to figure that out, too. I don't know where he is. I'm trying to figure out where to find him, girl. But it has been hard.

We'll get on the dating apps or we'll go to the networking events and we're just not finding it. Um, I think it's hard in Minnesota specifically to find, um, you know, people that kind of match the same level of success or same, you know, background, but I'm trying to figure that out, too. I don't know where he is. I'm trying to figure out where to find him, girl. But it has been hard.

I'll say this. I don't have the requirements that somebody needs to make what I make or that somebody needs to make six figures or somebody has to have a doctorate. In this situation, I was really...

I'll say this. I don't have the requirements that somebody needs to make what I make or that somebody needs to make six figures or somebody has to have a doctorate. In this situation, I was really...

um inspired that he worked with children so i want you to be passionate about what you're doing um and i want you to have a drive i want us to connect around a drive like what's the goal what are we working towards um so those are it's interesting how this list changes as we get older too and what's high on the list and what's lower on the list

um inspired that he worked with children so i want you to be passionate about what you're doing um and i want you to have a drive i want us to connect around a drive like what's the goal what are we working towards um so those are it's interesting how this list changes as we get older too and what's high on the list and what's lower on the list

this process wasn't going to be hard for me because I do not care about looks. It's not the highest thing on my list. It's lower on my list. I'm more attracted to who you are as a person and our vibe and how we communicate and your aspirations and all of that. So girl, when I find them, maybe I should be taking notes from you.

this process wasn't going to be hard for me because I do not care about looks. It's not the highest thing on my list. It's lower on my list. I'm more attracted to who you are as a person and our vibe and how we communicate and your aspirations and all of that. So girl, when I find them, maybe I should be taking notes from you.

it's so inspiring but do you feel like your standards have changed now oh yeah yeah yeah absolutely I think I was just getting to a point where I was like settling in a lot of areas yeah I was settling and watching it back it's painful for me that I was settling a lot and I think I was shrinking myself to match this man and now I have no interest in doing it at all. Like settle for what?

it's so inspiring but do you feel like your standards have changed now oh yeah yeah yeah absolutely I think I was just getting to a point where I was like settling in a lot of areas yeah I was settling and watching it back it's painful for me that I was settling a lot and I think I was shrinking myself to match this man and now I have no interest in doing it at all. Like settle for what?

It was a very slippery slope, you know? It was like settling and settling and more settling and more settling. But now I'm interested in freezing my eggs and taking my time and not feeling like I need to be rushed. I do want my partner and I do want to have a family. I used to say I wanted six kids, but I don't know if I want six kids anymore.

It was a very slippery slope, you know? It was like settling and settling and more settling and more settling. But now I'm interested in freezing my eggs and taking my time and not feeling like I need to be rushed. I do want my partner and I do want to have a family. I used to say I wanted six kids, but I don't know if I want six kids anymore.

But I'm going to take my time and find the right person and not rush down the aisle to the wrong man.

But I'm going to take my time and find the right person and not rush down the aisle to the wrong man.

Yeah, I do want to be in alignment with these core values. I do not want to build a family in a divided home. That is really important to me. I think love for me is protection and loyalty. And that's really important to me. So if any sign of you're not protecting me or being loyal over here, that's a deal breaker for me. I like acts of service. Yeah. And I need you to show me that you love me.

Yeah, I do want to be in alignment with these core values. I do not want to build a family in a divided home. That is really important to me. I think love for me is protection and loyalty. And that's really important to me. So if any sign of you're not protecting me or being loyal over here, that's a deal breaker for me. I like acts of service. Yeah. And I need you to show me that you love me.

I don't want you to tell me you love me all the time. I want you to say that. But I want you to show me through your actions of you know I get this coffee, so you bring it to me in the morning. So I want to, and I don't know if I've ever experienced that type of love. But that's what I want. And I want to be clear that that's what I want. And I want to stand, you know, behind that.

I don't want you to tell me you love me all the time. I want you to say that. But I want you to show me through your actions of you know I get this coffee, so you bring it to me in the morning. So I want to, and I don't know if I've ever experienced that type of love. But that's what I want. And I want to be clear that that's what I want. And I want to stand, you know, behind that.

Do you think like,

Do you think like,

Yeah. This was such a great experience for me. This has pushed me to ask the hard questions like dating with intention, dating with the intention of marrying and like us aligning our lives with each other and not just, oh, this feels good. I think I'm somebody that definitely goes by, oh, I feel this way.

Yeah. This was such a great experience for me. This has pushed me to ask the hard questions like dating with intention, dating with the intention of marrying and like us aligning our lives with each other and not just, oh, this feels good. I think I'm somebody that definitely goes by, oh, I feel this way.

I know. I protected Devin a lot.

I know. I protected Devin a lot.

Yeah, 100%.

Yeah, 100%.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And prepared for marriage.

And prepared for marriage.

Look at you. That's a beautiful ring, too. Thank you. Did he just like pick it out or did he know what you liked?

Look at you. That's a beautiful ring, too. Thank you. Did he just like pick it out or did he know what you liked?

And this is like. You're a smart girl. Because you have to wear it.

And this is like. You're a smart girl. Because you have to wear it.

Like, you know, like this is my Pinterest. This is what I want.

Like, you know, like this is my Pinterest. This is what I want.

I didn't want to make him look bad in certain ways. And I felt like some things were like below the belt. And I didn't want to, you know, embarrass him. But there were things going on, a little dishonesty, a little. Time out, time out.

I didn't want to make him look bad in certain ways. And I felt like some things were like below the belt. And I didn't want to, you know, embarrass him. But there were things going on, a little dishonesty, a little. Time out, time out.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you. Thanks for inviting me.

Thank you. Thanks for inviting me.

I got to talk to you about so many things.

I got to talk to you about so many things.

I have to talk to you about so many things.

I have to talk to you about so many things.

Oh, for sure.

Oh, for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Elegantly. Yeah. It's interesting watching it back because I didn't know the details of their relationship. I knew that they broke things off and I knew that it was like a mutual thing. And I did know that she was bisexual. Like I or I don't know if she identifies as bisexual, but I knew that she had been with women. Yeah. So. It was interesting, right? We were both dating other people.

Elegantly. Yeah. It's interesting watching it back because I didn't know the details of their relationship. I knew that they broke things off and I knew that it was like a mutual thing. And I did know that she was bisexual. Like I or I don't know if she identifies as bisexual, but I knew that she had been with women. Yeah. So. It was interesting, right? We were both dating other people.

Thank you so much. Welcome. Thank you, thank you.

Thank you so much. Welcome. Thank you, thank you.

At the end, I was just dating him. So I just, I felt a lot of respect for Brit. We weren't really close in the pods just because we're there for so many hours and sometimes I can just like crawl into my little corner. But we developed our relationship more afterwards. But I think we both were like very respectful of each other throughout the process.

At the end, I was just dating him. So I just, I felt a lot of respect for Brit. We weren't really close in the pods just because we're there for so many hours and sometimes I can just like crawl into my little corner. But we developed our relationship more afterwards. But I think we both were like very respectful of each other throughout the process.

And I think both were saying, like, you'll be happy either way. Yeah.

And I think both were saying, like, you'll be happy either way. Yeah.

Yeah, I I know her character and that's 100 percent Brit. So, yeah, that makes me feel good.

Yeah, I I know her character and that's 100 percent Brit. So, yeah, that makes me feel good.

kind of was like you know what this is my girl yeah I could see this for you too I thought that's very admirable yeah and I watched that back with everybody else too I didn't know that she said all those nice things so so sweet yeah oh my gosh speaking of people are kind of reacting to your um reveal oh my god to be fair he did give me like five compliments back to back yeah I was just being a polite girl yeah a midwestern girl wait so when the doors opened I was so nervous

kind of was like you know what this is my girl yeah I could see this for you too I thought that's very admirable yeah and I watched that back with everybody else too I didn't know that she said all those nice things so so sweet yeah oh my gosh speaking of people are kind of reacting to your um reveal oh my god to be fair he did give me like five compliments back to back yeah I was just being a polite girl yeah a midwestern girl wait so when the doors opened I was so nervous

Um... Man, it's been a whole year. I can't believe it's been a year. I'm happy to be done with the reunion and just like address some lingering things. It was a crazy fun experience. I've learned a ton about myself and about what I want and what I don't want. Come on. So yeah. It was great. Yeah. Yeah. Happy to be done with the reunion and like move forward.

Um... Man, it's been a whole year. I can't believe it's been a year. I'm happy to be done with the reunion and just like address some lingering things. It was a crazy fun experience. I've learned a ton about myself and about what I want and what I don't want. Come on. So yeah. It was great. Yeah. Yeah. Happy to be done with the reunion and like move forward.

I was so nervous and I'm watching it back. It's very evident that I was extremely nervous. You look so cute. Thank you. Thank you. I was like the only one with the short dress. I think everybody was like, thank you. Thank you. I was very nervous. So yes, I said thank you a million times, but I've been able to like kind of make fun of myself through this process.

I was so nervous and I'm watching it back. It's very evident that I was extremely nervous. You look so cute. Thank you. Thank you. I was like the only one with the short dress. I think everybody was like, thank you. Thank you. I was very nervous. So yes, I said thank you a million times, but I've been able to like kind of make fun of myself through this process.

Because we're not going to say everything right and whatever. So I've been able to laugh.

Because we're not going to say everything right and whatever. So I've been able to laugh.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

We like talked about it. I followed her. She followed me back. She did a really good job. Yeah, she did. She ate that down.

We like talked about it. I followed her. She followed me back. She did a really good job. Yeah, she did. She ate that down.

The funny thing is I have like a crazy imagination. So I feel like I was and I felt like I knew what everybody looked like. All the guys had a good idea of exactly what they look like. So he said his name. He told me what his mom's name was, his dad's name. And he's from this area that we're both from. And I just kind of knew that he was biracial.

The funny thing is I have like a crazy imagination. So I feel like I was and I felt like I knew what everybody looked like. All the guys had a good idea of exactly what they look like. So he said his name. He told me what his mom's name was, his dad's name. And he's from this area that we're both from. And I just kind of knew that he was biracial.

Like I kind of pictured this man, he said he played basketball. So he was kind of exactly what I thought he would be. I mean, you can't think of people's like physical features, I guess, but I kind of figured what he looked like a little bit from our conversation. So nothing surprised me about what he looked like. But instantly, I think I was attracted to him.

Like I kind of pictured this man, he said he played basketball. So he was kind of exactly what I thought he would be. I mean, you can't think of people's like physical features, I guess, but I kind of figured what he looked like a little bit from our conversation. So nothing surprised me about what he looked like. But instantly, I think I was attracted to him.

It was just so such an awkward moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like holding his hand, trying to like ground myself. But I was just a mess. Is he someone that you would go for normally? I don't think that like if we were at a bar, we would talk to each other. I think I usually... like being approached and like somebody kind of talking to me with confidence.

It was just so such an awkward moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like holding his hand, trying to like ground myself. But I was just a mess. Is he someone that you would go for normally? I don't think that like if we were at a bar, we would talk to each other. I think I usually... like being approached and like somebody kind of talking to me with confidence.

And I don't think he would naturally have the confidence to like come over and talk to me. But I don't think he's unattractive. There was a instant like, and then even on the getaway, we like connected very quickly. Physically. Yeah, physically.

And I don't think he would naturally have the confidence to like come over and talk to me. But I don't think he's unattractive. There was a instant like, and then even on the getaway, we like connected very quickly. Physically. Yeah, physically.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I knew that that was a topic for them, but I didn't know his response to that. I thought it was interesting watching it back.

I knew that that was a topic for them, but I didn't know his response to that. I thought it was interesting watching it back.

Yeah. I think that I, once we got engaged, I learned a lot more about his beliefs in general that we didn't talk about in depth. Girl, I learned about his beliefs and he didn't even have to say shit. And I was like, I already know where you're going. So I learned a lot more. This is a two part process for a reason. And I think that we just like opened up a lot more once we got back to Minnesota.

Yeah. I think that I, once we got engaged, I learned a lot more about his beliefs in general that we didn't talk about in depth. Girl, I learned about his beliefs and he didn't even have to say shit. And I was like, I already know where you're going. So I learned a lot more. This is a two part process for a reason. And I think that we just like opened up a lot more once we got back to Minnesota.

So, um, Yeah, the whole thing, watching it back, paints a whole different picture.

So, um, Yeah, the whole thing, watching it back, paints a whole different picture.

I don't know what he stands for. Yeah. Um, I still feel so awkward, like saying exactly what he believes. And a lot of, um, times I would ask him and he wouldn't, even the politics stuff, we kind of like transitioned to politics because religious stuff was so weird, you know? So we kind of, he wouldn't really go in depth with these things, but, um,

I don't know what he stands for. Yeah. Um, I still feel so awkward, like saying exactly what he believes. And a lot of, um, times I would ask him and he wouldn't, even the politics stuff, we kind of like transitioned to politics because religious stuff was so weird, you know? So we kind of, he wouldn't really go in depth with these things, but, um,

Tell me what the last year has looked like. I did a lot of therapy afterwards, just like working on. Yeah. Working on myself. Just a lot of reflection. Yeah. And it went by really quickly. I'll say that, especially because I did feel like there were things lingering. So it was just kind of in the front of my mind for the for the whole year.

Tell me what the last year has looked like. I did a lot of therapy afterwards, just like working on. Yeah. Working on myself. Just a lot of reflection. Yeah. And it went by really quickly. I'll say that, especially because I did feel like there were things lingering. So it was just kind of in the front of my mind for the for the whole year.

He just likes to say he has conservative Christian views. And what does that mean? They aren't very inclusive. And what does that mean?

He just likes to say he has conservative Christian views. And what does that mean? They aren't very inclusive. And what does that mean?

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

Christian conservative? Very specific feelings about the LGBTQ community and people of other religions. And I just, to be honest with you, I think Devin was taught these things growing up. And unfortunately, he hasn't questioned any of these things, right? Because in the conversation, I'm like, oh, you know, he's like, if you don't take Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, you're going to hell.

Christian conservative? Very specific feelings about the LGBTQ community and people of other religions. And I just, to be honest with you, I think Devin was taught these things growing up. And unfortunately, he hasn't questioned any of these things, right? Because in the conversation, I'm like, oh, you know, he's like, if you don't take Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, you're going to hell.

You know what I mean? And I'm like, well, Jesus was a Jew. So how do you explain that? And he's like, Jesus is a Jew. You know what I mean? Like, there's just not the, you know, there just was... Not the depth there. He didn't he hasn't thought about these things or or question them in that way.

You know what I mean? And I'm like, well, Jesus was a Jew. So how do you explain that? And he's like, Jesus is a Jew. You know what I mean? Like, there's just not the, you know, there just was... Not the depth there. He didn't he hasn't thought about these things or or question them in that way.

Me? Or them breaking up? Them breaking up. Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. But at the time, he was like, yeah, I'll think. It sounded like he was like, yeah, well, that's something for me to think about. But no, you weren't going to think about.

Me? Or them breaking up? Them breaking up. Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. But at the time, he was like, yeah, I'll think. It sounded like he was like, yeah, well, that's something for me to think about. But no, you weren't going to think about.

I think so. Because we connected around faith a lot. But my faith looks... Very different. Yeah.

I think so. Because we connected around faith a lot. But my faith looks... Very different. Yeah.

What were you trying to get out of him? We were just trying to get to more depths of our relationship. I knew at that point that he didn't want to talk about the religious stuff.

What were you trying to get out of him? We were just trying to get to more depths of our relationship. I knew at that point that he didn't want to talk about the religious stuff.

views why though why i don't know isn't that weird right because i if that's what you believe right stand on it right speak on it right and that was half of the thing too it was like if you're a republican if you're a black republican and you're like this is why and i want my taxes i'm not gonna like it yeah give me a good reason yeah and stand on it like say with your chest like don't like quiver in the corner so that was another part for me that i was like oh

views why though why i don't know isn't that weird right because i if that's what you believe right stand on it right speak on it right and that was half of the thing too it was like if you're a republican if you're a black republican and you're like this is why and i want my taxes i'm not gonna like it yeah give me a good reason yeah and stand on it like say with your chest like don't like quiver in the corner so that was another part for me that i was like oh

Yeah. It's weird, too, because I feel like we were we had this emotional connection. And then I found that out, which was weird. Right. Because if I was at a bar talking to somebody, I'd be like, let me go over here. Let me walk away. Yeah. But we were kind of deep into like meeting each other's families and like so far into it. I was like.

Yeah. It's weird, too, because I feel like we were we had this emotional connection. And then I found that out, which was weird. Right. Because if I was at a bar talking to somebody, I'd be like, let me go over here. Let me walk away. Yeah. But we were kind of deep into like meeting each other's families and like so far into it. I was like.

So when you met his family, did they give conservative as well? Or was it just... A little. We didn't talk about that. His mom did send me like little Christian little things to be a text message from time to time. But we didn't talk. We didn't have those conversations with his family.

So when you met his family, did they give conservative as well? Or was it just... A little. We didn't talk about that. His mom did send me like little Christian little things to be a text message from time to time. But we didn't talk. We didn't have those conversations with his family.

He did say, I think when we were laying in bed, that conversation about politics that they vote conservatively or whatever. But that's a story that I got about that.

He did say, I think when we were laying in bed, that conversation about politics that they vote conservatively or whatever. But that's a story that I got about that.

Yeah, we talked about faith in kind of a general term. I guess understanding later on that he didn't want to talk about it on camera is probably why he didn't talk about it more in the pods. But yeah, we just kind of generally talked about faith and we didn't get into the... specific beliefs, I think we should have gone deeper.

Yeah, we talked about faith in kind of a general term. I guess understanding later on that he didn't want to talk about it on camera is probably why he didn't talk about it more in the pods. But yeah, we just kind of generally talked about faith and we didn't get into the... specific beliefs, I think we should have gone deeper.

So the reunion was like someplace that I felt like I could finally put it down. So has anything changed since the show's come out? Anything? Nothing really. Nothing's changed. You know, everybody has opinions and like the rush of opinions and all of that. So dealing with that. But yeah. No big changes. So are you telling me you're not dating? Are you single? No, I'm dating a little bit.

So the reunion was like someplace that I felt like I could finally put it down. So has anything changed since the show's come out? Anything? Nothing really. Nothing's changed. You know, everybody has opinions and like the rush of opinions and all of that. So dealing with that. But yeah. No big changes. So are you telling me you're not dating? Are you single? No, I'm dating a little bit.

I think so. Yeah. I think so. I think he didn't want to take responsibility for it. Yeah. I don't know if it was, he was hiding for me. I think it was like, he didn't want to take responsibility for his own beliefs. Yeah.

I think so. Yeah. I think so. I think he didn't want to take responsibility for it. Yeah. I don't know if it was, he was hiding for me. I think it was like, he didn't want to take responsibility for his own beliefs. Yeah.

Yeah. It seems like he was kind of raised that way, right? Yeah. Like, my mom, I feel like, has always taught me to speak about my beliefs in a confident way. But it seems like he was kind of raised to not talk about them, which is interesting.

Yeah. It seems like he was kind of raised that way, right? Yeah. Like, my mom, I feel like, has always taught me to speak about my beliefs in a confident way. But it seems like he was kind of raised to not talk about them, which is interesting.

Yeah. I think maybe both. Yeah, maybe both. I don't. It's hard to even think that he had a fear of losing me through these beliefs. I think it was more so protecting himself. It was protecting himself from America. He wasn't afraid of losing me. It doesn't seem like he was afraid of losing me because he ghosted me afterwards. So I would definitely say it was to preserve his own. reputation. Yeah.

Yeah. I think maybe both. Yeah, maybe both. I don't. It's hard to even think that he had a fear of losing me through these beliefs. I think it was more so protecting himself. It was protecting himself from America. He wasn't afraid of losing me. It doesn't seem like he was afraid of losing me because he ghosted me afterwards. So I would definitely say it was to preserve his own. reputation. Yeah.

And I hate watching it back. I know I was in a mode of protecting him, but I hate being associated with it at all.

And I hate watching it back. I know I was in a mode of protecting him, but I hate being associated with it at all.

Why do you feel like you had to protect him? I think naturally as a black woman, we protect black men. I loved him. That was another thing. But ultimately, I wouldn't get on a TV show and drag a black man. That would be so far from who I am. Even at the reunion, it was hard for me to say, like, I want to stand up here and say what I believe.

Why do you feel like you had to protect him? I think naturally as a black woman, we protect black men. I loved him. That was another thing. But ultimately, I wouldn't get on a TV show and drag a black man. That would be so far from who I am. Even at the reunion, it was hard for me to say, like, I want to stand up here and say what I believe.

But I don't want to say these specific topics because then everybody will know that you're on the other side of that. Um, he's been really mean to me over the last year and I still am struggling to bring up these topics because they all feel so filthy, but it will paint a better picture.

But I don't want to say these specific topics because then everybody will know that you're on the other side of that. Um, he's been really mean to me over the last year and I still am struggling to bring up these topics because they all feel so filthy, but it will paint a better picture.

And I'm figuring that out. Yeah. I'm figuring that out.

still yeah so I get it yeah um but that's that's what we do yeah and you feel like you did that on your season yeah I'm doing it right now yeah there's so much yeah so your season came out when we went in so I was like trying to watch it but I finally and I was still afterwards I was processing what happened with mine so I just watched your season recently so I feel like even when I came up to you yesterday I was like bye

like whatever but I'm like that's not who AD is now like AD is like a beautiful smart intelligent woman and I was like that was just so icky of me because she's not just body body is still T and will be okay thank you but you're so much more than that thank you and I feel like you're in a relationship now that like

Yes. You see it. And you get to stand in that light. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Watching that engagement video was so beautiful. Right. We all like come into this experiment wanting that. Wanting exactly what you have now. And I think for me, too, is like that it's still possible. Like it didn't work out for me this time, but like it can still work out for me.

I think that right now I really want to focus on myself. I watched it back and saw some things that I was like, oh, you cringe. I just was wondering if I was like kind of shrinking myself a little bit in that relationship. And that was a big, a big thing that I found out about myself through this. I mean, who gets to watch back?

And like God's protection in this of like that wasn't my person. But like you found your person. And I just...

Yeah. And I saw so much strength, too, in your season, too, of like, this is what I want. And even him being like, oh, I want to try again or whatever he did at the end. And you're like very much still standing in your power and ultimately like finding what works for you. And that's really empowering. Thank you. Did you and Devin ever talk about dating after?

So Devin and I both had hesitancy going into the wedding. We talked about it. And he said that I 100% have your back. I 100% have your back. We'll get married when we're both ready. So I was surprised watching his reaction. on the wedding day or even what he said afterward.

Girl, he said, I was like, I didn't see a tear. Yeah, yeah. I think it was his family too, his family. You know when kids fall and you're like, you're good, get up. But when you're like, oh baby, I feel like that's what happened. They were like, oh baby. And he just like fed into that. Was he blindsided? No. Absolutely not. I have text messages, girl.

We were talking about it the day before we were talking about it. And he said, man, sometimes I wake up and think, what the fuck am I doing? Like there was hesitancy on both sides. So he wasn't blindsided. At the end, he says something like, oh, I just could not imagine my life without Virginia. I kept calling him and he wasn't answering my phone calls afterwards.

Yeah.

Yes. So we talked about the prenup in the pods before he proposed. So that was something that he already knew. So it was kind of weird that he sounded like a little bit like I've never thought about that. Yeah. Yeah. I believe people should have prenups. I think that that's the way the world should go. Right. And it was something that I was thinking. standing very firm on.

His mom and sister, I think that day had a little bit of hesitancy around it, which I thought was weird. But it was insightful of how much control they have over him and all of his decision making because he had his mom look over the prenup. Is she a lawyer? Right. He said, I brought it to a family lawyer, but he was like, my mom thinks it looks good.

Just read it yourself.

Yeah. But I would want a prenup in any marriage that I'm in.

So financial conversations are super important in relationships. And I don't think that most people have these conversations about bank accounts and what you're going to do. We just have this idea of love and everything's going to work out and people don't have that foresight. I think...

their experience in that way and kind of get that insight into themselves.

People should get premarital counseling and go speak to somebody and a financial advisor and figure out your finances before go in with a plan. So I was just trying to force us to make smart, you know, informed decisions with our finances. Yeah. Was he like, I don't know.

Yeah, I know. And he kind of changed his energy about it. Right. We talked about in the pods. He changed his energy about it when his sister and mom had hesitancy around it. So I was kind of surprised that he was even pushing back on it because I thought it was like a done deal. But, yeah, he started pushing back more so when they.

Um, so that was a, that was a big deal.

problems with it so a common thing that i'm seeing between like a lot of the couples on this season are the sisters yes oh my god yes what's going on in minnesota and these sisters the sisters what is going on but you know sometimes those sisters were on to something like some of those sisters like at the end will watch it back and be like actually she was asking good questions

So, yes, I think they're, you know, they should be protected. I have two stepsisters. OK, are they like that? No. OK. No, they're not like that. But I do think it's important for people to be, you know, fighting for you and asking hard questions.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

OK, so I'm gonna take this brief opportunity to stick up for Dave and his sister. Go ahead, girl. There's a bigger picture of that. Like his mom died. So I think she's maybe assumed that type of role. in their relationship, or they probably bonded over that. So him, I know he talks about his sister a lot.

He talks about his sister a lot, but I think given the full picture of it, it's just because she's assumed that role in his life. You know what I mean? It's like, I want to check with my mom. Like, let me go check it with my mom, which is not like you having your own opinions, but I do think there's like a bigger, kind of sadder story about that thing, so...

Yeah, everybody. All the girls are really close still. Um, I think the brides, like we went a little bit further in the process. So we were still in group chats and talking about it. And our experience was more similar and how deep we got into it. So I talked to them a lot. I'm also really close with Britt, a couple other girls too. Yeah.

I do want to protect Dave a little bit today because I feel like he is getting a lot.

Yeah.

And that can't be the reason that you don't move forward. It can't be. It's like my sister said. It can't be. You can't use it in that way. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So Devin and I had spent the day together. He met my dad. We signed the prenup. I went to go get my hair done because we... We're getting married the next day. And then I went to his hotel room. So he just checked into that hotel room that afternoon, evening. And he had a note from an ex-girlfriend on his nightstand. And I asked him like who it was from and he told me.

The interesting thing about this girl is we had a meetup where I met his friends and Devin didn't like tell me any back backstory to these friends. The only reason I know he dated her was because his mom said it when I met his mom. So he just wasn't being very transparent about a lot of things. Like it was like, why do I have to figure this out? From your mom? Hold on.

So he brought a love letter.

At the end, I was like, this is weird. And it was handwritten.

Yeah, he was, he just said it was from her. And I just thought that was weird. At that point, there was a check missing. There was a lot of stuff going on. Why was he hiding money? Yeah, that was really weird for me too. How'd you find that out? The mom said. Yeah, so I don't know if it was like, we got married on a Monday. So Thursday or Friday.

So like three or four days before the wedding, I went to a basketball game because they were in playoffs or whatever. And his mom came up to me. I was like, oh my God, kind of bragging. Like my boss gave you guys a thousand dollar check for marriage. for your wedding present. And she was like, did Devin tell you?

I'm keeping my $1,000. I know. And so it was his birthday weekend, so I put together this gift basket and hundreds of dollars of gift cards to all his favorite places, like Nike, Lululemon, all the things. And I was like, he got that too. He got $500 there. He got $1,000 over there. So it was just fantastic. Girl, he came up. Didn't he? He came up.

Yeah.

Okay. So our conversation around finances were very much like, we're both contributing to this household, which I'm a hundred percent fine with of like, we're contributing to this household. Um, we work on our finances together. If I come in with debt or you come in, like we can work, we can work this out. Let's figure out how we can do this and both contribute to this.

No. So after the wedding day, he never reached out again. Who's shocked? Not me. Yeah. So I was reaching out to him. He was answering only for a week and then he stopped answering my phone calls. But he's continued to hang out with everybody else and told them that I ghosted him.

But that wasn't what was happening in those few weeks that we were. What was happening? I was paying for all the food that we were eating in the weeks. He didn't feed me once. And it's not a money thing. It's a thoughtful thing. You never were driving home from work and thought, I wonder if she ate something. Did you have those conversations? Yeah, we talked. I asked him that specifically.

And he was like, I didn't know it was a competition. To feed me. To feed me. You know, so it was just like a maturity thing and emotional intelligence. Like it was just so many different things at the end that were just kind of rubbing up against each other.

I don't want to just say age. It's just like a maturity.

Yeah. So what I've learned about myself through this process is I definitely drive past red flag. Same. Yeah. So the good thing about this process is it requires you to make a decision in six weeks. I have dated the wrong man for six months. So I definitely probably would have like entertained it a little bit longer.

I think through the process, you're so emotionally invested and you kind of just get kind of foggy. Right. So coming out of it, I think I would have had more clarity of like, this is not going to work. Yeah, this is not going to work. But I wish he handled me with more respect and love afterwards because I deserve that. We didn't need to write off in the sunset together.

We didn't need to be friends if you couldn't handle that. but you needed to treat me with the love and respect that I treated you with this entire time.

Yeah, we were talking about a number of things. At the end, there were people on his side who were like, you better get your girl, yelling over to my side. His sister said something kind of snappy.

At the wedding. Yes.

They were like, y'all better get your girl. Like talking about me, mind you, I'm, I'm in tears. I'm distraught. Like this, obviously I didn't go up here to, to embarrass this man, to hurt him. So they were very much rah-rah at the wedding.

Yes. The sister. Other people from his side.

Yes. Yes. So we were kind of talking about that. Right. Even if we were going to entertain a relationship going forward, I need to know why your family turned on me so quick. My dad hugged him and like. gave him a lot of love and respect afterwards. Like I'm disappointed too, but you're a really good guy. Like that's the family I came from. These people were like, I'm serious.

If I would have said yes, my last name would have been Buckley the next day. And they turned on me so quickly with no understanding of no like grace at all. Like it was such a, it was such a good moment for me. I was like, Oh my God. Thank you. Thank God I didn't say yes because I could have been a part of this family.

So that's been an interesting thing to navigate, especially before it was very much like we're in this together and I love you and we'll be together regardless.

Absolutely. And it's like we're signing up for a marriage. And you're marrying the family. Yeah. Yeah. We're signing up for a life of marriage. It's not going to be easy. Yeah. young and I look nice in this wedding gown this is this is a great time to be alive but like how are we going to deal with obstacles right this was a gonna have to call And answer my phone calls. Like, what?

This is how you handle problems? We didn't have a lot of disagreements or problems throughout the process. So this was an opportunity for one, for you to protect me like I had been doing my entire time for you. So it just was very eye opening. Does he see it as you were protecting him? I don't think so. Yeah. I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what goes on in that head.

Oh, okay. So, girl, girl, girl. Did we miss something? I'm like, you took 24 ibuprofen? So he tells me and Brett the same story, which I think is interesting because in the process, I think he's supposed to tell the person he's proposing to the story. Right, right. So I don't know what that was about. That was something I think I learned through watching it back.

So he tells us this story and in the moment, To me, it sounds like he's just telling me about a hard time in his life. He did talk about the ibuprofen of like, yeah, there were 10 or I would take this many of it. But I know you can't be addicted to ibuprofen. I think it was just like him saying, I went through this really hard time. I had this surgery and I went to God and prayed about it.

Yeah.

I was like, that is so good that you have your faith and you know where to go. It wasn't really about the ibuprofen. But afterwards, I found out that he very much felt like he had, you know, a problem with ibuprofen. So people... People look at me about to protect him again, but I think people don't know much about medicine. But he yeah, I think he did think that. I'll say that.

Yeah.

Yeah. OK. I also wonder, too, because if you're having surgeries, they're prescribing you.

Until it's not. Yeah. Yeah. So I haven't heard from him at all. I think he played like victim a lot at the end and kind of pointed the finger at me. So that's been it's been hard. I think I already have my guard up in life. Like I'm already not a person that opens up right when I meet people. So I got really vulnerable through the process and opened up a ton.

Yeah. That was the biggest takeaway for me. That was the biggest takeaway for me. That is not my responsibility to protect.

What are we talking about?

I know. It's hard. I think that I do think culturally it's very normal. Unfortunately, I think protecting black men, I think that it's very common.

I think what we learned here is, again, that the most unprotected demographic is the black woman. It's not the black man. It is the black woman. So at the end of the day, all the protecting that I did

Got me, you know. Unprotected.

You saw him at the reunion. Yeah. No accountability. Yeah. You know, we're learning and we're growing.

No.

It's not. Okay. We have the highest Somali demographic. We have the highest Hmong demographic. It's pretty diverse. Yeah. Yeah. So it was unfortunate that there wasn't more diversity on the cast. I think that there were four men who may have identified as black men. So two African men and then two biracial men. There were more black women. There were five black women. But

The black men on the cast have said that they usually date white women.

So Devin, this wasn't in the final edit, but Devin in the pods tells me that his type is Alicia Keys. Okay. I'm like, okay, well, he probably gonna like me then because I fall under that a little bit. But later I found out very much that he normally dates white women. So a little dishonesty with that. But also it's a problem with diversity in the cast and us, you know, connecting.

Yeah, I dated a few other men in the pods. I didn't. Devin was my strongest connection. But up until the end, I had a few other. I think after the first day, though, I did go in and talk about faith.

and I talked about wanting kids and it's interesting like the cultural filtration around those things because I do think I lost a lot of white men in that part of the conversation because I don't know if it's a cultural disconnect but I think they heard conservative when I said that but like from a black perspective, it's like, we've always had our faith. And it was like such a strong thing.

So I think that there was like a cultural filter there. So I didn't connect with, I didn't see most of the white men through ethics after the first day.

So the way it ended, I think that like it was a little triggering because there goes my trust issues. A little triggering.

Um, that's a really hard question because I think I'm still trying to figure it out. I think, um, I'm surrounded by strong black women, successful black women, and we're all still trying to figure it out. We're in our thirties. We want these families, um, and we want these partners and we're just missing it. Right.

We'll get on the dating apps or we'll go to the networking events and we're just not finding it. Um, I think it's hard in Minnesota specifically to find, um, you know, people that kind of match the same level of success or same, you know, background, but I'm trying to figure that out, too. I don't know where he is. I'm trying to figure out where to find him, girl. But it has been hard.

I'll say this. I don't have the requirements that somebody needs to make what I make or that somebody needs to make six figures or somebody has to have a doctorate. In this situation, I was really...

um inspired that he worked with children so i want you to be passionate about what you're doing um and i want you to have a drive i want us to connect around a drive like what's the goal what are we working towards um so those are it's interesting how this list changes as we get older too and what's high on the list and what's lower on the list

this process wasn't going to be hard for me because I do not care about looks. It's not the highest thing on my list. It's lower on my list. I'm more attracted to who you are as a person and our vibe and how we communicate and your aspirations and all of that. So girl, when I find them, maybe I should be taking notes from you.

it's so inspiring but do you feel like your standards have changed now oh yeah yeah yeah absolutely I think I was just getting to a point where I was like settling in a lot of areas yeah I was settling and watching it back it's painful for me that I was settling a lot and I think I was shrinking myself to match this man and now I have no interest in doing it at all. Like settle for what?

It was a very slippery slope, you know? It was like settling and settling and more settling and more settling. But now I'm interested in freezing my eggs and taking my time and not feeling like I need to be rushed. I do want my partner and I do want to have a family. I used to say I wanted six kids, but I don't know if I want six kids anymore.

But I'm going to take my time and find the right person and not rush down the aisle to the wrong man.

Yeah, I do want to be in alignment with these core values. I do not want to build a family in a divided home. That is really important to me. I think love for me is protection and loyalty. And that's really important to me. So if any sign of you're not protecting me or being loyal over here, that's a deal breaker for me. I like acts of service. Yeah. And I need you to show me that you love me.

I don't want you to tell me you love me all the time. I want you to say that. But I want you to show me through your actions of you know I get this coffee, so you bring it to me in the morning. So I want to, and I don't know if I've ever experienced that type of love. But that's what I want. And I want to be clear that that's what I want. And I want to stand, you know, behind that.

Do you think like,

Yeah. This was such a great experience for me. This has pushed me to ask the hard questions like dating with intention, dating with the intention of marrying and like us aligning our lives with each other and not just, oh, this feels good. I think I'm somebody that definitely goes by, oh, I feel this way.

I know. I protected Devin a lot.

Yeah, 100%.

Yeah.

And prepared for marriage.

Look at you. That's a beautiful ring, too. Thank you. Did he just like pick it out or did he know what you liked?

And this is like. You're a smart girl. Because you have to wear it.

Like, you know, like this is my Pinterest. This is what I want.

I didn't want to make him look bad in certain ways. And I felt like some things were like below the belt. And I didn't want to, you know, embarrass him. But there were things going on, a little dishonesty, a little. Time out, time out.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you. Thanks for inviting me.

I got to talk to you about so many things.

I have to talk to you about so many things.

Oh, for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Elegantly. Yeah. It's interesting watching it back because I didn't know the details of their relationship. I knew that they broke things off and I knew that it was like a mutual thing. And I did know that she was bisexual. Like I or I don't know if she identifies as bisexual, but I knew that she had been with women. Yeah. So. It was interesting, right? We were both dating other people.

Thank you so much. Welcome. Thank you, thank you.

At the end, I was just dating him. So I just, I felt a lot of respect for Brit. We weren't really close in the pods just because we're there for so many hours and sometimes I can just like crawl into my little corner. But we developed our relationship more afterwards. But I think we both were like very respectful of each other throughout the process.

And I think both were saying, like, you'll be happy either way. Yeah.

Yeah, I I know her character and that's 100 percent Brit. So, yeah, that makes me feel good.

kind of was like you know what this is my girl yeah I could see this for you too I thought that's very admirable yeah and I watched that back with everybody else too I didn't know that she said all those nice things so so sweet yeah oh my gosh speaking of people are kind of reacting to your um reveal oh my god to be fair he did give me like five compliments back to back yeah I was just being a polite girl yeah a midwestern girl wait so when the doors opened I was so nervous

Um... Man, it's been a whole year. I can't believe it's been a year. I'm happy to be done with the reunion and just like address some lingering things. It was a crazy fun experience. I've learned a ton about myself and about what I want and what I don't want. Come on. So yeah. It was great. Yeah. Yeah. Happy to be done with the reunion and like move forward.

I was so nervous and I'm watching it back. It's very evident that I was extremely nervous. You look so cute. Thank you. Thank you. I was like the only one with the short dress. I think everybody was like, thank you. Thank you. I was very nervous. So yes, I said thank you a million times, but I've been able to like kind of make fun of myself through this process.

Because we're not going to say everything right and whatever. So I've been able to laugh.

Oh, yes.

We like talked about it. I followed her. She followed me back. She did a really good job. Yeah, she did. She ate that down.

The funny thing is I have like a crazy imagination. So I feel like I was and I felt like I knew what everybody looked like. All the guys had a good idea of exactly what they look like. So he said his name. He told me what his mom's name was, his dad's name. And he's from this area that we're both from. And I just kind of knew that he was biracial.

Like I kind of pictured this man, he said he played basketball. So he was kind of exactly what I thought he would be. I mean, you can't think of people's like physical features, I guess, but I kind of figured what he looked like a little bit from our conversation. So nothing surprised me about what he looked like. But instantly, I think I was attracted to him.

It was just so such an awkward moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like holding his hand, trying to like ground myself. But I was just a mess. Is he someone that you would go for normally? I don't think that like if we were at a bar, we would talk to each other. I think I usually... like being approached and like somebody kind of talking to me with confidence.

And I don't think he would naturally have the confidence to like come over and talk to me. But I don't think he's unattractive. There was a instant like, and then even on the getaway, we like connected very quickly. Physically. Yeah, physically.

Yeah.

I knew that that was a topic for them, but I didn't know his response to that. I thought it was interesting watching it back.

Yeah. I think that I, once we got engaged, I learned a lot more about his beliefs in general that we didn't talk about in depth. Girl, I learned about his beliefs and he didn't even have to say shit. And I was like, I already know where you're going. So I learned a lot more. This is a two part process for a reason. And I think that we just like opened up a lot more once we got back to Minnesota.

So, um, Yeah, the whole thing, watching it back, paints a whole different picture.

I don't know what he stands for. Yeah. Um, I still feel so awkward, like saying exactly what he believes. And a lot of, um, times I would ask him and he wouldn't, even the politics stuff, we kind of like transitioned to politics because religious stuff was so weird, you know? So we kind of, he wouldn't really go in depth with these things, but, um,

Tell me what the last year has looked like. I did a lot of therapy afterwards, just like working on. Yeah. Working on myself. Just a lot of reflection. Yeah. And it went by really quickly. I'll say that, especially because I did feel like there were things lingering. So it was just kind of in the front of my mind for the for the whole year.

He just likes to say he has conservative Christian views. And what does that mean? They aren't very inclusive. And what does that mean?

I know.

I know.

Christian conservative? Very specific feelings about the LGBTQ community and people of other religions. And I just, to be honest with you, I think Devin was taught these things growing up. And unfortunately, he hasn't questioned any of these things, right? Because in the conversation, I'm like, oh, you know, he's like, if you don't take Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, you're going to hell.

You know what I mean? And I'm like, well, Jesus was a Jew. So how do you explain that? And he's like, Jesus is a Jew. You know what I mean? Like, there's just not the, you know, there just was... Not the depth there. He didn't he hasn't thought about these things or or question them in that way.

Me? Or them breaking up? Them breaking up. Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. But at the time, he was like, yeah, I'll think. It sounded like he was like, yeah, well, that's something for me to think about. But no, you weren't going to think about.

I think so. Because we connected around faith a lot. But my faith looks... Very different. Yeah.

What were you trying to get out of him? We were just trying to get to more depths of our relationship. I knew at that point that he didn't want to talk about the religious stuff.

views why though why i don't know isn't that weird right because i if that's what you believe right stand on it right speak on it right and that was half of the thing too it was like if you're a republican if you're a black republican and you're like this is why and i want my taxes i'm not gonna like it yeah give me a good reason yeah and stand on it like say with your chest like don't like quiver in the corner so that was another part for me that i was like oh

Yeah. It's weird, too, because I feel like we were we had this emotional connection. And then I found that out, which was weird. Right. Because if I was at a bar talking to somebody, I'd be like, let me go over here. Let me walk away. Yeah. But we were kind of deep into like meeting each other's families and like so far into it. I was like.

So when you met his family, did they give conservative as well? Or was it just... A little. We didn't talk about that. His mom did send me like little Christian little things to be a text message from time to time. But we didn't talk. We didn't have those conversations with his family.

He did say, I think when we were laying in bed, that conversation about politics that they vote conservatively or whatever. But that's a story that I got about that.

Yeah, we talked about faith in kind of a general term. I guess understanding later on that he didn't want to talk about it on camera is probably why he didn't talk about it more in the pods. But yeah, we just kind of generally talked about faith and we didn't get into the... specific beliefs, I think we should have gone deeper.

So the reunion was like someplace that I felt like I could finally put it down. So has anything changed since the show's come out? Anything? Nothing really. Nothing's changed. You know, everybody has opinions and like the rush of opinions and all of that. So dealing with that. But yeah. No big changes. So are you telling me you're not dating? Are you single? No, I'm dating a little bit.

I think so. Yeah. I think so. I think he didn't want to take responsibility for it. Yeah. I don't know if it was, he was hiding for me. I think it was like, he didn't want to take responsibility for his own beliefs. Yeah.

Yeah. It seems like he was kind of raised that way, right? Yeah. Like, my mom, I feel like, has always taught me to speak about my beliefs in a confident way. But it seems like he was kind of raised to not talk about them, which is interesting.

Yeah. I think maybe both. Yeah, maybe both. I don't. It's hard to even think that he had a fear of losing me through these beliefs. I think it was more so protecting himself. It was protecting himself from America. He wasn't afraid of losing me. It doesn't seem like he was afraid of losing me because he ghosted me afterwards. So I would definitely say it was to preserve his own. reputation. Yeah.

And I hate watching it back. I know I was in a mode of protecting him, but I hate being associated with it at all.

Why do you feel like you had to protect him? I think naturally as a black woman, we protect black men. I loved him. That was another thing. But ultimately, I wouldn't get on a TV show and drag a black man. That would be so far from who I am. Even at the reunion, it was hard for me to say, like, I want to stand up here and say what I believe.

But I don't want to say these specific topics because then everybody will know that you're on the other side of that. Um, he's been really mean to me over the last year and I still am struggling to bring up these topics because they all feel so filthy, but it will paint a better picture.