V Spehar
Appearances
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I'm like, I don't know any different. Like, what do I know? I was like, all right, sounds good. So that was the first time. And then I kept it. And they were like, you're a sweet kid. Like, that's quite lovely. And you know what you should. And like, good for you. And that's OK. And that's when I felt like a journalist.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I felt like a journalist then because I had essentially stood up to the people who would make me and had to bet on myself. Like, in that moment, I I was like, no, I believe in me more than I think you believe in me, even though you're offering me what should be a journalist's dream, right? A lot of people work to a certain point to be able to sell their show to have that sort of stability.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
You're not a professional critic either. I mean, where's your credentials, brother?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Well, not every Fox News host is a journalist either. And they're on a technically a news program. Julie Agnew at the New York Times, who I really appreciate, once said, journalism is not a profession. It's an act. If you are doing acts of journalism, you are a journalist. And that was really validating to me.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And one of the first people to call me a journalist was Taylor Lorenz, because in the beginning, when I started to get any kind of hate online, I just reached out to her and she was like, you're a journalist. You're a journalist. You're not like a don't be scared. What would a journalist do? That's what you should do.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I thought that was really validating because, of course, she's somebody I really looked up to, too. And Katie Fang has called me a journalist and I love her and she means a lot to me. But it never came from any of the accolades or the jobs that I got. It came from eventually, you know, one day I was chef and one day I was a journalist.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And it was that day when I was like some little, you know, something inside me was like, I'm not going to let people talk down to me because up till then,
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
it wasn't just that they didn't think of me as a journalist, it's that they thought of me as other or less and would go out of their way to come up with terms that were othering, like newsfluencer, news communicator, TikToker, hack, fraud, plagiarizer, news aggregator, you name it. And I was like, okay, if I had a newsletter though, y'all be shitting your pants for me. Y'all be going nuts.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
But because my platform is TikTok, You don't want it to be serious. And so we've come a long way from that, and we haven't. I have a fellowship right now at the Harvard School of Media, and it's a journalism fellowship, and it's a very prestigious one. The first day I was at my fellowship, Stanford was talking to my management because they wanted me to come and do a talk there.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And they were like, we'll be billing V as a news influencer, though. And my management was like, V's really super sensitive to that term, and we are not using that term, so no.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And they went back, and there were two teachers at Stanford that refused to, no matter how much evidence we gave them, even telling them I was at Harvard for my journalism fellowship, they were like, no, they're not a journalist. And so I was like, well, get fucked then, Stanford. I don't know what to tell you. You know what I mean? So there's still haters out there.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
There's still haters out there. There will always be haters out there.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Well, I think that's certainly true in academia and politics in many ways, because they're like, well, if you could just be a journalist, then what does it matter if somebody has a degree in journalism from the Columbia School? That used to be the thing that set you apart.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Now, I have a relationship with Bob Woodward, obviously a journalist, like probably one of the titans and icons of this modern generation. I was at the New York Times Dealbook Summit, and we were put in a little group together because they wanted to put like definitively legacy journalists with a new journalist to see – how things were different, how they were the same.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And Bob Woodward and Leslie Stahl were in my group, and me and Ben from Semaphore were in the group as well. Bob Woodward, afterwards, he was like, I'm just so fascinated by you. I'm just so interested in you. And I was like, that's really validating. Thank you. And he was like, I'd love to invite you to my home to have breakfast and talk. And I'd love to just stay in touch. So we text.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And by we, I mean me and his assistant, Claire, who relays it to him because he doesn't text. But I went to his house for breakfast with his wife. And we sat, we talked about media. And he said, what's something that you're facing that you don't know how to handle? And I was like, at that point, this was two years ago. I was like, I don't know. Am I a journalist? Am I not?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And he was like, well, let me ask you this. When was I a journalist? Like in your mind, was it when I got hired at the Washington Post? Was it when I published the Watergate papers? Was it when I won my first Pulitzer? Was it when I became the executive director of the Washington Post? Was it when I took my first mentor? Was it when I won my second Pulitzer Prize?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
When did I become a journalist to you? And I was like, um... I guess, I don't know. I guess always. I think you were always. And he's like, okay, because I got fired from the Washington Post twice before I ended up getting the Watergate gig. And I didn't go to J school. I was in the Navy. And he's like, I came out of the Navy and was like, well, I guess I'll use my GI Bill to go to school.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And then I dropped out of school. And then I just liked the idea of like creeping around on the president. And that's how I got started. People thought me and Bernstein were like assholes. assholes. They didn't think we were serious. He's like, the only reason this worked out and we became icons is because we had a hunch and it worked out. That's it. He's like, but we also had to be a risk taker.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
He's like, and I think the world you're in right now, you're taking a risk. He's like, and I didn't learn to risk take in J school because I didn't go. I didn't learn to storytell in J school because I didn't go. He's like, I was in the And I knew that I wanted to creep around on the president. And, you know, so that's the origin story of an icon. And I was a journalist then.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And that really like stuck with me. And I really appreciated that story.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Why is journalism always seen as this like high academic art? You're creeping on people.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And you're creeping around like a weirdo. You're a lurker.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Yeah. You spend years creeping in people's emails and court documents and following them and going through their trash. It's actually fucking weird. It is weird. It's a weird profession. It is weird. They want to make it feel like, ooh, no, it's this be all end all.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I have to say, odd number years are tougher for me. I find like things, even number years for whatever, like more joyful. But like... Yeah, 2013 sucked for me. 2015 was real bad. 2025 is like a bummer, which means that we could only get better from here, I guess.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
That you're a weirdo and you're willing to do a brave act of truth-telling or of storytelling in some way. And that's, yeah, that's what I like about it.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
You know what else? I'll say, and I've talked about this quite often, they'll be like, what was your early journalism influence? And I don't have one. It was my mom, who I consider the original citizen journalist. She worked the night shift as a nurse. And she used to sit around with her girlfriends and drink coffee and listen to the police scanner.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And we would like sit down and riveted, listen to my mother's notes about what they heard and what they talked about and the pieces they put together about things they heard on the police scanner. And that was citizen journalism at its finest. My mom also, not a very patient woman. And anything that we ever had to tell her or do, she was like, don't add to it. Don't take away from it.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Just give it to me straight. And if we did something bad, but we could get to her first, she'd ride or die for us. So I got used to telling the truth quickly and fairly through the way that I was raised. And I think that that permeates into my content. But I'm also a gossip. I'm a third generation gossip. And so much of gossip is news. But people are like, no, that's how girls talk.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And it's less than. And it's like, no, no, no, you don't understand. When my sister was dating different guys, I'd be like, hey, can you find out about this dude? 20 minutes later, they've got his birth certificate and time he was born and everything he's ever done in his life. Women are investigators in general.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
No, because people are coming to you because they trust you, right? I'm here because I like you. I don't do interviews and stuff. I don't usually talk about myself. I'll do them sometimes, but not really, not for nearly how many I get asked. But especially when you're talking about something sensitive, you have to be able to do it in a soft whisper, right?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And that's not always the way that news goes, right? So When folks want to talk to me about something too, it's oftentimes we'll just get talking and they don't even realize that they're newsworthy yet. I'm telling people so often, people need to know about that, or that's really important, or I'm really glad you trusted me with that. And they're like, really?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I'm like, this is, yeah, what you've just told me is very important. And they don't even know it yet that what they're saying is newsworthy. So I think that's really interesting too.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Yes, I was with a different podcast network at that time. And they wouldn't air it because they were too afraid. I had several interviews with that original network not air because the final editor would listen to it and go, oh, too risky. Oh, it's going to bum your audience out. Oh, it's not in line with the idea. The interesting, such a happy show. And I had to deal with that.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And that's what it was. And I have great respect for the women who own that production company. I had a very difficult time with the particular producer that I had. I want to make clear, nothing against that network. Sometimes you have a producer who makes bad decisions for you or on behalf of you. And then, you know, your stuff doesn't get where it needs to be.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
But tell me first, because so many times, especially with you and with in particular other ones I could think of, like we interviewed one woman who we were talking about her brother being falsely incarcerated. And this is a person that I'm really, really close friends with. And she was deeply vulnerable with me.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And then they were like, no, we're going to can it because we don't want to get involved in an active case. I was like, why wouldn't you say that before this person trusted me to do this story? And now I have to go back and say. oh, they cut it for legal reasons.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
When I'm bringing you a guest, you should, if you're going to cut it or have the power to cut, you should say, hey, that's not a fit for what we're doing right now because legally we think we might get into some territory we don't want to get into.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Then I wouldn't have brought them in, shared that trauma bond experience, and then been like, actually, we're going to silence you after you trusted me to help you tell your story. So that's what I don't like about some of the stuff they do over there. Not over there. I mean, over there in the trad media world.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Sooner be known to you.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
So it's an odd year. So we could chalk it up to that.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I like having something to blame. And also, gentle reminder that presidents are their most powerful on their first day in office. And like a used car, they diminish in value as time goes on. And I think we are now 30 days in and we're starting to see the shock and awe that people have been dealing with from him over the last 30 days, you know, sort of level out. to some level.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Well, trust in institutions is down astronomically and taking the Washington Post example as the example, right? Because when I worked there, it was great. I called it like the Disneyland of newspapers because I was at the LA Times and I had a bad experience. Like start to finish, it was not good at all.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And that was because the billionaire owner over there was involved in the daily operations already. So what good there was of the LA Times with like Kevin Morita or Kimbrielle Kelly, who was the DC bureau chief, who are amazing, respected, thoughtful, just genius people was already being destroyed by the billionaire owner by the time I was coming in. Because I also watched
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
billionaire owner constantly slapped down Kevin's progressive ideas or constantly slapped down stories on the billionaire's buddies in DC with Kim Brielle until he eventually fired everybody over there. Then when I went to Washington Post, we have a desk that was completely dedicated to covering Amazon and Jeff Bezos. And they were deeply critical.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And we used to do TikToks about Amazon's strikes and different stuff. And I remember asking Carmela, I'm like, don't we get in trouble? Doesn't he own this? Because I had that experience from LA Times. And she's like, no, Bezos doesn't care. We run completely separate from that. Yes, this is one of the businesses in his profile, but largely he doesn't interfere at all.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And my sister worked for Whole Foods and she had a really good experience with Bezos buying Whole Foods. It like She ended up getting a salary raise. Their insurance got a little better. Her schedule got a little better.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
So I was sort of in this place where I was like, oh, what I know about Jeff Bezos acquiring entities is that they're part of his overall portfolio, which is, of course, always to enrich Amazon. But he doesn't get involved in the details. And so I had a lot of respect for that. And then I left. Some time passed.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I don't know what changed in him, but he decided that he was going to be involved at the Washington Post. And I don't think that people lost respect in the Washington Post so much as they saw the Amazonification of the Post. And that's what they don't trust. All of a sudden, he got super nitpicky about the Post and started to destroy them.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And then we see him more and more aligned with the right. And you're like, oh. And I think that's what people don't trust.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I think it starts with yourself. And I think you have to have a really strong sense of what is real in your own real life, whether that means reading books and articles, understanding history and government structure. You got to have that down before you can get into the next thing. I also think that propaganda is rampant. The advent of like AI and
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Even though we look at it and go, that's a silly picture of Donald Trump with muscles on a tank that we know isn't real. There are people on the right who have seen it enough that it is built into his persona, even though it's not him exactly. And we did nothing to fight that because we were like, whatever, that's fake, but it's real to them in some ways.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I think when it comes to finding a good news source, it is difficult because you're not going to find any news source that's independent, that's big enough to do everything. And it does come down to looking at a bunch of things and then using yourself as the filter, which is harder than it's been in the past when it comes to news.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
He can't possibly do more than he's already done. I mean, we're through the cabinet nominations. We're through some of the top line, most cruel possible policies being put forward. The court has slapped down a bunch of stuff. So I think if politics is worrying you too, or you feel like everything just is going too fast, also know that we probably are through the fast part.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And when the media is in chaos, nobody can make a decision that is rational because nobody makes rational decisions when we're in chaos. And you need to just stick to your two frontline services like C-SPAN and I watch it with my own eyes, right? Or find folks, I guess like me, who watch it with their own eyes and tell you, hey, here's what happened today.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I think the Associated Press and Reuters, of course, are always going to be the least biased when it comes to frontline information. And then taking all news with a grain of salt and realizing that you can't care about everything. So I think when it comes to people looking for what they could do with news or activism, what actually matters to you?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
What's happening in your local community when you walk out your door? What's one little thing you could do or that you really, really care about that you could see your efforts mattering and stick to that? Because we're not going to be able to do it all.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Yes. So misinformation is like, I just made a mistake, right? I thought I understood something and I said it and I was misinformed or I made a mistake. And that information is largely innocently presented. And I could come back and tell you, oh, you know what? I made a mistake there. I'm going to make a correction.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Disinformation is the intentional manipulation and bordering on, we could say, lying to people about about something or taking something and knowingly or by instituting a ton of bias, twisting it to mean something else. So misinformation, it happens a lot. It doesn't mean you don't trust that person ever again or they were trying to deceive you, they made a mistake, okay?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Disinformation, which is something that's becoming, I think, increasingly more popular. is an intentional attempt to deceive you. And I think those are important things to remember because sometimes somebody will get something wrong and they'll be like, well, you're a liar now. And I'm like, no, no, no. I was misinformed. We're here to fix it. I made a mistake.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And you want those to be rare, of course. That's why we double check things before we post them so we don't accidentally misinform people. But disinformation is right up there with, you know, I hate to say propaganda because there's propaganda that's good too. I love propaganda. I love the propaganda art. Sometimes it can really just get people to do things that they're supposed to, too.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
But it can get people to do bad stuff. But disinformation are things that are intended to cause harm or manipulate people's reality on purpose.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
It's trauma porn. It's trauma porn. Exactly. But you know what? If their goal is not to inform you, it's to create a salacious entertainment experience so you watch the whole show and all of their ads, right? Oftentimes, not all media, but sometimes when we're watching a true crime television show or something, the goal isn't to inform you on the facts of the case.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
The goal can be to create a salacious experience. that oftentimes is driven by increasingly more graphic and exploitative photos.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
No, because the goal isn't to get it right. The goal is to have the best piece of media at the end. And so they're making decisions based on media, not based on truth or experience.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I've taken full on podcast down. I've taken whole segments out because another thing was with, you know, if we went misinformation. is truly the fact that sometimes people just don't remember it, right? But they didn't do it on accident. Your brain does different things, especially when I'm interviewing somebody who's experienced like a great trauma or something that they don't want to face.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Sometimes they'll say something because they have a habit of trying to shut down conversation about that thing because it's hurtful to them. And I understand that firsthand because when in 2015, my brother died. And it was under very weird, like, they just called us and were like, your brother died. And I was like, okay. And then we didn't know how he died for nine weeks.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I remember I was in the grocery store with my mom, not the grocery store, Staples. See, it just happened. I was in the Staples with my mom. And this woman was like, hey, I heard your son died. How did he die? And she went, he was shot. He wasn't shot, but it shut it down. She didn't want to have the conversation. And then the lady was like, oh, that's so sad.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And she was like, yep, and then moved on. And I was like, mom, why are you telling people stuff that's not true? She's like, I need them to get out of my face. And so she wasn't lying. It was just like a survival mechanism. And then when it came out later that it was an accidental overdose, he had like a potentially fentanyl poisoning. We don't actually still to this day know. It's quite difficult.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
But People were like, well, why did you tell me he died on his motorcycle? And she's like, I just wanted you to shut the fuck up and get out of my face. And to say, well, we don't know invokes another round of questions.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And so when people have come on my show and they've said things like, you know, the story one particular way, and then they'll hear it back and they're like, actually, when I heard it back, I think I might have misremembered because when I heard myself say it, I was like, no, it didn't happen like that. It happened like this. And I'm like, I'll take it out.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
It cost me money to take it out, but I'll take it out. It was a mistake. But I think that's – I don't know that this guy or that Trad Media has the intimate relationship with their audience and their subjects for their KPI to be authenticity and trust like ours is and over like making a program that's going to be like somehow evergreen and I'm never going to update. Like I always update it.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
You know what, Andrea, can we talk about that? Because we're in this place and I think it's so important. And it's something when PJ died, there was no book on how to deal with sibling death. You don't expect that your peer, your contemporary will die or will betray you the way that your sister has in many ways or be this person you don't know anymore or that doesn't exist.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
The person that you knew doesn't exist anymore anymore. And I struggled so hard with it. And that's like one of the first questions people will ask you, right, is, oh, what's your name? What do you do for work? Do you have any siblings? And I would always say I have a brother and a sister. And I sometimes I don't anymore. Sometimes I say I have a sister and she has a daughter.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And it is this constant thing where sometimes it feels safer or easier. I don't have the mental capacity or the emotional capacity to tell the story. So it feels safer to tell a little white lie.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Right, but it is a form of misinformation, and that's why I said there's a difference between mis and dis. There's, you know, misinformation by omission. If you really needed to know how many siblings I had, I had two, right? But I don't anymore. So, you know, we're – How important is this to the overall story?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
But when people oftentimes want to get to know why I experience the world the way that I do, there is me before my brother died, which is a very different person than the person that I am now. And the person I am now is friends with the person I was before, but we feel bad for her. And she doesn't exist in many ways.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
When people want to know my process now, then yes, it is important for me to say that I had this experience that awakened me in a way that is so unusual that you couldn't get at J school. I mean, you can't get this with 40 years of the industry. You get this understanding of people and stories and emotions by having your brother die mysteriously. That's how I got this.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And so sometimes that's hard. Yeah. But it's true.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I love her, leave her alone. Don't tell her, don't go back and tell her how it all works out. Well, and when I got married, you have a chemical and a personal change in you when you experience something as traumatic as what we have. And it's hard. There's no guide, right? I met my wife five years after my brother passed away.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And when we got married, there was a question of whose last name we were going to take. I was very eager to take her last name because then me and my maiden name, I could let that girl go. I didn't have to see that name every day. And when I married her and I took her name, well, Vitus is my name, but Spear as the last name,
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Um, it, it like, I remember feeling like I got a second chance at life because I wasn't carrying, my maiden name was Carol. I wasn't carrying Carol with me. I didn't see it all the time. I didn't have to see the name of that girl that I knew that had a brother and all of the things that happened to her and all of the pain that she carried. I like, She got to rest and I got to be Vita Spear now.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And that was really powerful. So I think for some people, if you're going through that, something like changing your name, moving your apartment, painting the walls of your house, things like that changed so much for me to be able to have this second chance and now look where we are. Vitus Carol could not be who Vitus Spear is. It's a different thing, you know?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Yeah. So, you know, it started on January 6th, just sort of out of nowhere. And yes, that January 6th, I was working in this company and I was trying to figure out how to send food to unhoused veterans in Tennessee during the pandemic because it was like really difficult to run with the VA. And I'm watching CNN above my laptop, as many people were in the background.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I do know. Because when that happens to you, you feel like your grief is so unique that no one in the world could ever possibly experience it. You wouldn't wish it on anybody else, but then... There is a certain kind of thing where you start to realize that the grief that you felt, while it was unique to you because it was the most horrible thing that ever happened in your life, is not uncommon.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And thereby, there are other people on the road with you. You're not alone. The fact that you're not alone sort of makes you feel like you can endure it. You can handle it because there's other people on the road here. And I remember my friend Ricky said to me, I'm going to hold your hand through this.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I didn't know what that meant at the time, but I have now said to other people, I'm going to hold your hand through this because it's just like... You don't know what the fuck you're doing. I'm only just a little bit ahead of you, but at least I can help you get to the next step in whatever this journey will be. But it's definitely a weird way to start a career, I would say.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
But it's worked out.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I had been a caterer in the Capitol before. I was a chef caterer person, and I'd worked in the Capitol a bunch. And I was like, I don't think you're supposed to be there. I think that I could recognize they were in hallways that we weren't allowed to go in. So I was like, I don't think that this is normal. And as many of us were in early pandemic, I was like, I'm with the VA. So from my
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Yeah. That is a profound and exactly that thing. Because she won't do it if she knows how. Yeah. Yeah. And I think, you know, I think we should just sit with that for a second. And I was thinking about other people. I know that, like, my friend A.B. became a lawyer because her brother was wrongfully incarcerated.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
There's a lot of folks who get into their career because they want to be the justice that wasn't there for them. Or they say, like, be the friend you didn't have as a kid or the safe adult you didn't have as a kid. And I'm really proud of us for being that. But you're exactly right. Tell her she gets there, but don't tell her how.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
like hips up. I was wearing a suit and from the bottom down, I was wearing like Nike shorts. So I like slid under my desk in this like half disheveled suit looking thing. And I was like, Mike, Mike Pence, here's what the 25th amendment is. And if you invoke it, you can call in the national guard and kind of end all this. People thought that was very funny. I thought nothing of it.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I have a big mixed audience, too. I think because I'm willing to recognize that the whole thing is batshit bananas, right? And I think people are like, obviously, you feel the way you are. You're a gay woman, right? You have big feelings about the gays. And other people are like, you know, I like you and I just don't think about that that much. What matters to me more is the price of eggs.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And then you'll hear people be like, well, now the eggs are $12. Well, they didn't know that when they voted, right? Like nobody could have known that. Here's the thing that I think is interesting about politics is that at the heart of it, many of us face to face, I live in the most Republican district in all of New York, which you would think is Long Island, but it's not. It's Greece, New York.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And we bought the house there. I didn't know what anybody's politics were because we bought it in the winter and it was snowing. So there was no yard signs or anything. There was no flags. There was nothing because it's extremely windy and snowy. So I couldn't have known anything. So we bought this beautiful house in this nice neighborhood that I really liked. And it was affordable. It was clean.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
It had good sidewalks. Saw a couple of basketball hoops around. I was like, must be a bunch of kids here. That's great. And then come to find out it is the most Republican district in all of Greece. And I was so nervous. And then we came out one day and we've like met the neighbors and met their dogs. We know their dogs. We know their kids.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
There was a basketball hoop at my house that we inherited. One of the neighbor boys came over on Halloween and he was like, I've noticed that you don't use your basketball hoop. Would you mind giving it to me? And I was like, sure. make sure. Right. And now he plays with it. Everything's great. Everybody's great. On my street, there is one little trans child that I love. Okay.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And it is mostly Republican people. So this election season, it was wild. And the neighborhood sort of silently agreed to not put out signs because everybody knows what work I do. And we all know about this kid on the street. And we all care about this kid on the street because they're our kid from our street. Okay. These are our kids. And so everybody kind of was like, all right, whatever.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Well, a couple people decided they were going to put up, vote no on Prop 1, protect girls' sports, which, of course, we know that that is anti-trans rhetoric. Put them out on their lawn. So I fucking go over there. why is the sign facing the house where the kid lives? And I'm like, why would you do that? Don't you think it's a lot of space and right at their house?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And they're like, they don't even play a sport. I was like, let me tell you what it's about. They didn't know. They didn't know. And I was like, see, but I could have been pissed, right? And I could have been crazy. And I could have said, oh, those people are assholes. We're never going to talk to them again. They didn't know.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Somebody came to their house and said, hey, would you like to put a sign out supporting women's sports in the high school? And they were like, of course I do. They didn't know. So then we talked about it.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
So sometimes I think some of the stuff that goes on with politics is quite simply the disinformation and misinformation that is put in certain ways or these really sneaky things that bad people are doing where they're like, hey, would you like to support the high school sports? They don't think much about it. You sort of just go about your day. You're not making a big deal about it.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I think that that divides us more than anything else.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I had been making like cooking TikToks, teaching people how to apply for PPP loans. But this was my first like civics TikTok. And then my friend Randy was like, you better get back under that desk and tell people what's going on now. So then that kind of turned into like civics 101. And then that turned into Joe Biden's first 100 days.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I can't think about everything like that every minute of every day. Some stuff's going to slip by me. I'll tell you a story about me personally. When I was a kid, young, 21, I got hired at Dolly Parton's theme park in Tennessee. I grew up in Connecticut. I knew nothing about anything, okay? And I went down there and there were a lot of Confederate flags everywhere, including on the venue, okay?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Because it was 2005 when I worked there, 2006. And they had Dolly Parton's Dixieland Stampede and all this stuff. And they housed all of entertainment in trailers. So we put an American flag and a Confederate flag out front the trailer because we thought we were doing like a Tennessee thing. And one of the dancers came over and they were like, V, what the fuck?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
are you doing and I was like I thought it was like a southern thing I didn't learn about this in Connecticut we didn't learn about this that it was still like a representative hate thing there was no social media I didn't know anything and they were like no it absolutely is a hate symbol I was like then why is it on like the venues and stuff there's rebel flag everywhere and they're like
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Because Tennessee is hateful. Don't do that. And I was like, so then I took it down, right? But I didn't know. I made a mistake. And I tell the story all the time because it was like, you would never believe that I would be that stupid. And I was that stupid until I obviously, and then I was like, of course. Well, I thought it was just like, I thought I was being part of the culture.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Oh no, the culture is where we are in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee in the deep woods and this trailer park is not maybe super friendly. This is maybe not what I think it is. But I'll tell you one about the left. When I constantly say, I don't think we should give tax breaks to billionaires. I don't trust billionaires. That's why I vote for the left.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I want to be with a party that's closer to the working party and closer to the values that I espouse and whatever. How can I say all that when Nancy fucking Pelosi makes more money in the stock market than anybody? So I see it. I get it. And I think that those are the tit for tat things that keep us separated. But we actually agree on. I agree that billionaires shouldn't get tax breaks.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And then now, you know, we're what, like four years almost to the day, like since. And it just took off from there. But it really started with this idea of like, sort of like funny. And then it became like the ethos of it became funny. People are really looking for good information right now. They're feeling out of control.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I agree that Nancy Pelosi should retire and count deer off her deck or count money off her deck or whatever she wants to do. You know what I mean? She's not my girl.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
But they get us all. Yeah, they get us all worked up with each other. And it really does come down to like it did on my street going over and be like, hey, why would you do this? And they just, you know, they didn't know. And now, of course, there are people who do know and they do it to be antagonizing. And I have said that there are some Republicans that have a humiliation kink.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Folks like Marjorie Taylor Greene, who want to get up there and show nude photos of the president's son because she gets some kind of rise out of it. And none of us want to be like that either. Right. I know a lot of conservatives are very embarrassed by her, too. So it's like we got to group up as people.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And not be like, well, if you ever voted for Trump or if you identify as conservative simply based on the circumstances that you live in and you're looking at the things and going, I think this is what would benefit me and my community best.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
That doesn't mean that we should be completely hateful all the time, because I bet in one conversation, like when they poll America, we would agree that gay marriage should be allowed. Right. Only 20% of people in this country think that there shouldn't be gay marriage. So that means 80% of us think that it should be.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
So that means that it's up to 80% of us to tell our legislators to knock it off with trying to chip away with gay marriage.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I think people need to know that it's okay to say they were wrong about one thing without worrying that people won't trust you about anything. It's okay. It's okay. I do it all the time. I just told you I put a Confederate flag outside my house one time, right? That was an obvious, very embarrassing, sick, twisted, weird, dumb mistake. But I did it. I didn't know. And then I did know.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And while we can't give them necessarily good news, we can remind them that they're smarter than they think and that there are levers to power that we still have to pull. And so like we're going to be OK kind of thing. And that's where this early civics education really started. factored in.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And now it's been 20 years, right? So I've been knowing. But that doesn't make people never trust me again, right? I've learned a lot of public lessons.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
It's a strength. Well, and that's the thing is like, There's lots of stuff, but I think that's people's fear is they think that their relationship with people are so fragile and so precious because that's what they've been kind of told that we're all like walking on eggshells and like nothing's real and people will turn on you and you'll be alone forever or you'll be othered, right?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
That's like the biggest thing that the right does and that religion can do is make you feel like you're either all in or you're all out. this loyalty pledge, especially that Trump pushes this idea of a loyalty pledge. It's like being normalized across all of our relationships. And the fact is, you could just say that you used to think something and now you don't anymore.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
It doesn't mean you have to question everything you thought. Just maybe one thing doesn't work out for you. Let's just take this as an obvious example, because I'm seeing a lot of my right-wing friends and even my dad be like, no, that was wrong. When Trump was running for president, was Elon Musk along for the ride? Sure.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And Will, people over the last 30 days were like, for those of you who say no one voted for Elon, I did because he was with Trump the whole time and I knew Elon was going to be working on stuff. But now Elon is kind of showing that he's an asshole, right? And he's not actually saving us all this money.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
We're able to prove that what he's doing, he's not an auditor, he's not an operator, he's not a successful businessman. So now folks like my dad, let's take for example, are like, hey, I'm willing to admit I was wrong about that Elon guy. I mean, wow, what an What a weirdo. Did you see him with the chainsaw? What the hell was that? That's one thing, okay? One thing at a time.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Now, it doesn't mean that every other conservative thing about him is completely broken or whatever, but there are certain things that we can do that we could say, hey, I used to think this, whatever the case may be, and now I think differently. I've had it with friends where I have a tendency to be friends with people who are mean to me. I don't know why.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I guess that's your kink, V. That's my kink. I just have friends. I think I'm just like really forgiving of the human condition in general that I like don't think that much about it. But when I was dating my wife, I would be like, this is my best friend. And she'd be like, are you sure? It kind of means you. And I was like, no, that's just how we play. That's how we play, right?
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And then, you know, I just started being like, the thing that the news doesn't do is tell us what happened that day, because it just feels like it's also, you know, shock and awe. So I was like, I'm just going to tell people, hey, it's Monday night. And here's what happened just today. And I think in the pandemic time, that was even more important.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Because I had this escalated investment in staying friends with people that I met when I was 10. And obviously, we're in different places in our lives. And the way you get teased at 10 is maybe not the way you behave as an adult at 40. And maybe some of us matured more than others. But I didn't want to give it up, right? It was just like, oh, no, that girl's actually kind of
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
maybe she was never my friend. Maybe she was just in the friend's group and she doesn't have to be anymore because we're adults and we all moved on. And I could have a separate relationship with other people. I don't have to trash everything I knew just to eliminate the thing that hurts.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Couple things. So again, to bring them up again, I woke up one day, went to work, had hot dogs and macaroni and cheese for lunch, was so excited that they were serving hot dogs and macaroni and cheese at lunch that I called my mom who answered the phone and said, your brother's dead. So I have faced things, because she had just found out, right? So she was in shock.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I have faced things that have come from, I was at such a high high to an astronomical low that I don't think I could be sucker punched by anything ever again, having gone through that particular experience. So for me, one superpower I have, which is how I can help hold people through this right now, is I don't get shocked by a lot. Nothing will ever reach that level.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
So unfortunately for me, I have a superpower that allows me to not get sucker punched. No matter how bad it is, it will never be as bad as that. So in some ways, I'm like... All right. Well, and I grieve it and I have a problem with it, but I could face it in a way because I have seen death. I have seen the end. I have seen the impossible manifest in front of my eyes and had to deal with it.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And so in some ways, when the impossible happens, I'm like, oh, it's impossible again. Hello, you bastard. What do you got for me today? And I have like a little bit of resilience towards that. So I think that helps me with the way that I do the news. there is this idea of this thing called a death eater. I don't know if you ever heard of that.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Like back in the day, they used to like hire somebody to eat death, which didn't mean literally, it was like a spiritual thing where somebody would be grieving the death of somebody they loved and they would hire a death eater who would break bread with the person and eat the bread, the alive person and eat the bread.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And then folks, you know, if they heard a story that they were curious about, because I was doing, you know, an aggregation of stories from the day, then they could go look more into it. But if they weren't interested in that, it didn't take too much of their day.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And it was a symbolic moment of them eating the grief and taking it away with them to relieve that person. And I think in some ways I'm a death eater and the way that I can take it, the, death or whatever, and I can take it away and I can internalize it and I can give it back to you as something better.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And so that's how I approach the news, especially when it's bad, especially over the last 30 days. Let me take it in, let me digest it, and let me give it back to them like a baby bird, just nice and gentle and good. In addition... I know that this country is full of good people. People are good in this country. They are far greater than you could ever imagine.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And our politics is far worse than you could ever imagine. But our people are good people. Deep at the heart of them, they want to do good things. They are hardwired for good. They are misguided, misinformed, disinformed, propagandized. They've had their nervous system shaken to shit. So every time I do the news, I trust that I am talking to good people who want good. something good to happen.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And that goes for everybody that I have three and a half million listeners, right? And so I put that forward when I'm giving information and I don't try to be like, hey, you should do this to be a good person. I assume you're a good person and that you want to do the right thing and you want to hear the straight info. In addition to that, I recognize that I can only do what I can do.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And there are times when I just straight dick around. dilly-dally and do nothing. I am not a serious person all the time. I think people think I must be serious all the time. I watch a lot of 90 Day Fiance. I play a lot of Luigi's Mansion, the dumb little game on the sidekick thing that I have. I go on walks. I have dogs. If I really feel bad, I go get a tattoo. I paint. I create time for myself.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I I cook. I hate cook. A lot of people cook with love. I cook with rage. And Natalie can tell if it's been a particularly bad news day. If we're having gourmet shit, like if my Thomas Keller stuff is coming out, she's like, oh, how bad was it? And I'm like, it's Thomas Keller bad. So then we're having beautiful things. So I do stuff like that for myself.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I talk shit with my girlfriends all the time. I call my mom. I talk shit to her about whatever. It doesn't even matter. I talk shit about stuff that happened in high school with my mom just to have something controllable to talk about. All of that gives you a sense of control and release, makes it possible for you to go through the day. You don't got to be super serious.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And then when something happens that is bad, I believe it. They have told me that the Supreme Court case that will overturn gay marriage will come this June, and it will very likely be overturned. So now that you've heard that... What do we do? Well, what is special about marriage? Love and the rights that come with it. Well, nothing's ever going to stop me from loving my wife.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I love her endlessly. No one can touch that. What about the rights inherent to my marriage? Those are affected. So I worked with this lawyer, Angela Giampolo, and we put together this thing called Pride Plans. And it's nine documents you do. And it recreates the 1,138 rights inherent to marriage. You just do these nine little papers. You could do 10 if you want to do a pet directive.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I filed those paperworks. And now I have a partnership with my wife that will always and forever, no matter what happens, maintain the inherent rights to marriage. So now if they overturn gay marriage in June, They didn't overturn my gay marriage. So I've done something that's tangible that could protect me from this thing that would be devastating. Right. So when you can do something, do it.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Well, and let me tell you, so that's under the desk news. That's what you know is the everyday. But the origin of good news only is even a little bit funnier and kind of based on the same like didn't think this was going to be a thing and then it became a thing. So every Thursday we do banana shirt, good news only.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And with certain other stuff, I sit with people. I agree with them. We fight back. We strategize and we recognize that it is never over. Like when it comes to the fight for women's reproductive health. We hold the line on what we still have and we fight for what we lost, right? But we hold the line on what we still have. So you might be a person out there who's like, I'm just a line holder.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I would love to just be the line holder. Good. We need line holders. I need somebody to go out there and be brave and fight for what we lost. Okay, great. You're in the infantry of reproductive health care. But everybody gets to do what they want and everybody gets to take breaks when they need. And I think that is the society that if we could build that together, then we could be okay.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Not just from this administration, but from the next and the one after and the one after. I would like to government-proof society so that we recognize that we are good people who care about having a good life and we could do that together.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I was never a nature-y person. And after PJ died, everything that I knew wasn't real anymore. I wasn't good at cooking food. I wasn't good at talking to brides. I couldn't stand to plan events because I was like, fuck you for having something to celebrate when my life is terrible, right? I just couldn't do it. I just wasn't the same anymore.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And so I was like, I got to find something else to do because I have to like... I got to do something else because what I'm doing is not working. And so I signed up for this thing to go forest bathing, which is the most woo-woo crazy thing you can think of. And I went to this like camp in the backwoods of Virginia and I sang to the frogs with this lady and
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And we looked at the leaves and I remember she taught me how to like, she's like, just stand here. And I was like, okay. And then once I was standing, I was like, and now what? And she's like, no, you just stand here. And then you just remember that things are here. Like, do you hear the river? And I didn't. And then I did. And she's like, and do you see the leaves? Okay.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Now what about the texture on the leaves? Now what about the smell of the wood? And you just sort of like allow yourself to become entirely present and And I was like, wow, this is incredible. It's all still here. Because I thought when he died, you know, all the trees should shrivel up. The animals should genuflect like they did in The Lion King. I didn't think I should have to go to work.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And that came because, okay, this is exposing, but I'm going to tell you, I had surgery and I'm okay. But I had like this little surgery and I was on like a little bit of pain medication, which made me like a little bit giggly. And my mom's a nurse. So she was like helping me. But my wife had to buy me button-up shirts for this particular surgery that I had.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I couldn't. His friends would call me and be like, shut up, you living bastard. I don't want to hear from you people. Like I hated everything. Right. So but in finding this place, I was like. It's all still here. And then I could kind of be like, okay, what pieces of myself can I scrape together that are still here to like rebuild a new me? And I think that that was really powerful.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I also quit drinking then for a long period of time. And I think that that's something else that folks can consider. I think sometimes we tend to be told, oh, the way to get over something is to, you know, eat your feelings or to have a glass of wine or you need to smoke something or you need to take this pill or you need to do that exercise class or you need to buy this, whatever the case may be.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And the fact was when I decided to just be present is when I did my most healing. And by drinking, I was actually complicating how long it was taking me to come out of my grief. And I never had a drinking problem per se, but I would have if I had kept on that path. And so I think for folks out there, sometimes when we're struggling, hey, it's fun to do drugs. That's why people do them.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
It's fun to get drunk and pass out and not worry about things. But you got to have a day where you say, I'm going to endure what it means to be present because I actually don't have to be afraid of being present. You'll be okay. You'll find more peace in it than you do fear. You just never did it before. So you'll be okay.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
What do I owe you? This was like a therapy session for me. I'm not... Checks in the mail.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Maureen, she's the best. She's crazy. She's got a lot of little advice points.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
She absolutely would. She's got a lot of them. Things like, you don't know these people's shit. Anytime I would be worried about what somebody thought of me, she's like, you don't know these people's shit. What do you care about? Or nobody woke up and said they're going to have fun for me today. Take the party with you. She's got a lot of them.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
So number one, like we addressed earlier in the show, I have an advertiser-supported network because I want you guys to – I want to be accessible to as many people as possible. If you follow me on YouTube, that's like giving me $100 cash, okay? And all you got to do is follow me, watch the content, enjoy it, learn, talk to people in the comments. That's phenomenal.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
If you've got a little money and you like reading stuff, you want to get some inspirational notes, we do things, you like watching me live – Substack, seven bucks a month, $70 for the year, very affordable or free. If you get my free one, you still get the lives and you still get, I think we do one newsletter a week that's free. But if you can't support, that's the best place to support.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Then you can, of course, find me on your Instagram and your TikTok and all that kind of stuff like that. But Substack and YouTube, that's the way that I pay for everything else that I do.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Don't Venmo me. Sometimes people Venmo me. Don't do that. I appreciate it deeply, but use that money to buy the sub stack because you'll get a much better experience and I want you to have something for it.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And so I'd have these button-up shirts for recovery. And she couldn't find any button-up shirts that were soft. And Target was selling this silly banana shirt that was like a pajamas shirt. And so I had that on. And I was trying to hide that I had had surgery because I didn't want anybody to worry about me. And so I was like, I don't want to talk about negative stuff.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Yes, thank you for that. And with the Substack, we're going to start doing some more stuff. Like, I get a lot of gift articles and things. We're going to start putting those in the notes. I love the Substack. I think it's the greatest thing ever. So you'll start seeing, like,
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
more of the breaking news stuff in there and some guest posts pretty soon because we just tried out sub sexy how it goes, but it's going really great. So I think I'll make it like probably my main thing pretty soon.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I'm only going to tell them good stories tonight. My mom was like, I think that's great, sweetheart. I think you should do that, you know, because mom. So Banana Shirt Good News Only came out of me being like kind of high. Post-surgery and like needing something to feel good about because I don't know anybody else. Anytime I've had to have surgery, I get like post-surgery blues.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I don't know how to explain it. You just feel like a little down from the medicine or like you just feel icky when you're recovering. And so that's how Banana Shirt Good News Only came. And then people the next Thursday were like, hey, where's my banana shirt? And then this became like, oh, see, every Thursday people want to see that things are working.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
That's why I say about that episode, I felt it was worth criticism because it was such a departure from what we know from NPR. And I thought they could take the criticism and they can't.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
So I think this goes back to all the different things I've been in my life that I never really feel like I'm that thing until somebody tells me I'm not. And then like nobody loves me like I love me being challenged. Like I all of a sudden invoke like all the confidence in the world once I'm challenged. So like you say you wanted to be Barbara Walters. I wanted to be Monica Lewinsky.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
Not in the exact same way, but I loved her as like a cultural, political, like just spectacle. Okay. So like if when we were young, we're the same age, we both watched that 2020 special. I was obsessed with her red lipstick. It's the first time I was like really interested in politics at all. That interview had to be somewhat close to my birthday because I got it for that. And that was the thing.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
My mom would have done anything for me to want something feminine. That was big for her. So I got the Club Monica lipstick. And I was just obsessed with the idea of Monica Lewinsky and such a young person to have such power.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
um over essentially the presidency and to be like a regular person and I thought that that was so interesting and I think that stuck with me as like a formative thing more than anything else when it came to this idea that regular people can absolutely break America you know for just you know one thing that they do that's a very human thing let's say falling in love with somebody that you shouldn't love or um just the way she dealt with it I've always like really admired Monica Lewinsky and uh I've always felt like I'm just a regular person like even on my
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
social media and everything they'll be like well what are you I'm like I'm a really good friend and that is how I like approach everything that I do when folks are like I feel like you're my friend I was like because I that's how I am in the world I am a really good friend whether that's the people I've been friends with my whole life or the drunk girl I just met in the bathroom I am a good friend or to the kids who used to work for me I am a good friend I make sure you know everything's going well
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
When it comes to when did I become a journalist, when I was a cook, you never feel like a chef. No matter how many big restaurants you work at, no matter what dish you come up with, no matter how many awards your restaurant wins, you never feel like a chef. Until somebody turns to you and you're in the heat of service and they disrespect you. And then you're like, that's yes, chef.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And then all of a sudden, you're chef after that, right? But you have to have that moment where you're challenged, and then all of a sudden, you're not so insecure about being chef anymore. And I had that with journalism when I started, when the Pew Research came out. Now, the whole two years I did Under the Desk News before it became popular with the mainstream,
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
All I heard from media people were like, oh, you're fun to have on as a guest. You have no career. This is sort of a flash in the pan. This is your Monica Lewinsky moment, right? This is your little thing where you're a special person of the day, but it's not going to go anywhere and you won't have any lasting effect.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And then Pew Research published something saying that one in three Americans get their news on TikTok. And then all of a sudden I became the biggest shit there ever was. And everybody wanted to know how I did it. And why do you have millions of followers? And these people are really important. And oh my God, this is your full-time job. So then they tried to buy Under the Desk.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
And I had a meeting where I got called to Miami and I thought I was just going to be like – I'll just tell you. I was with NBC and it was me. This is where I met Sammy actually. And they were inviting in certain people to see if there was like anything they could do to sort of buy new media because it's not something that they had. And I didn't realize that.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I thought I was just going down to help them with their new media because, again, I am a friend. first. And I was like, oh, they must like what I do and maybe want me to help them a little bit. That sounds good. And they wanted to buy under the desk. And I started crying and I was like, I'd rather keep it, I think. And they were like, are you here alone? You have no manager, no publicist.
Nobody Should Believe Me
Case Files 11: New Media Journalism and Death Eaters with V Spehar
I was like, I just thought I was coming to help you as a friend. Just trying to be your friend, NBC. Just trying to be your friend. And they're like, what? We sent a car, like a black car from your house to a first class airline ticket to this super fancy hotel in Miami to have a meeting with the chairman of NBC. And you thought you were coming in as a buddy?