Unspecified (video/fashion commentary voice)
Appearances
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Hey, gang, check out this short clip from the Route 66 tour on our YouTube page. I'm not even lying, I just shit my pants.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's the thing. Let's say it's a Sunday. You get home, whatever. She's like, hey, I want to run to Target. I don't know. Fucking in Queens. Yeah. What are you doing? Uber. That's it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Well, you subway there. You Uber back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
What about you got to take the baby? You leave him in the car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition. She's down at the mall. Okay. She's doing an Easter bunny this year. Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah, free picks if you want them. All right. He said we'd come by. All right. Fair enough. Mike Coase is coming at you from right next to me, unamused this week. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman. Not a fan of Easter, I guess.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
He's got to watch the car. I don't want to get booted again.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Have you been in a store or out in public with the baby? Oh, yeah, every day. With the carriage and all that stuff?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I do a big walk every day with the little guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Coffee. I put one earbud with me, one earbud with him, and we're listening to the Cat Williams special.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
No, no. That ear's tiny. I mean, what the fuck?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Okay, let's talk about Bilt. Shout out to Bilt Rewards, baby. Attention, renters, baby. If you haven't heard of Bilt, you're about to thank me. Earn your favorite airline miles and points through Bilt just by paying your rent on time. Let me explain. Do it. Don't start freaking out on me. There's no cost to join. And just by paying your rent to unlock flexible points that can be transferred.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Neighborhood benefits are things like extra points on dining out, complimentary post-workout shakes, Free mats or towels at your favorite fitness studios. There you go. A unique experience that only Built members can access. And here is the turkey, baby. Start paying rent through Built and take advantage of your neighborhood benefits by going to joinbuilt.com slash garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's joinbuilt, J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash garbage. Make sure to use... Or URL so they know that the boy sent you. Joinbilt.com slash garbage to sign up for Bilt today. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Kim, let's talk about Mudwater, baby. Shout out to that Mudwater. Let's talk about Mudwater. Gang, do you like your cup of joe in the morning? Sure, we all do. But then by 3, 4 o'clock, you think the goddamn feds are looking for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, who needs that crap? Do yourself a favor. Switch it up a little bit. All right, listen. Everybody loves their cup of joe in the morning, but the jitters in the afternoon is no good. No thanks. I'll tell you that right now. I'm switching to mud water because mud water is an absolute game changer, and it's not your average cup of joe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
We're talking about a cozy little mix of cacao, chai, turmeric, and adaptogenic mushrooms. You didn't think I knew that, did you? I didn't. I know about lion's mane. Okay. All right. I know about focus. I know about brain fog. I want to be clear. I want to be thick and straight. And mud water absolutely helps you do it. It's smooth. It's steady. And honestly, it makes you feel good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Plus, it's ridiculously easy to make. A little bit of hot water, a little bit of hot milk. Bang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You're all set. You're ready to go. Out the door, baby. Every single ingredient in mud water products are 100% USDA certified organic, non-GMO, gluten-free, vegan, and kosher. That's the good stuff. They got everybody. That's the good stuff. There's also zero sugar and no sweeteners added. Each ingredient in Mudwater serves a purpose with organic ingredients for a clean, natural boost.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I'm curious as to what do you want to get out in front of this thing? These are dangerous questions. Are those the shorts you were wearing? Unfortunately, they are. That's fucking disgusting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Mudwater's smooth and earthy flavors provide a delicious and natural source of energy, baby. Here's the turkey. Ready to make the switch to cleaner energy? Head to mudwater.com and grab your starter kit today. Right now, our listeners get an exclusive deal of up to 43% off your entire order, plus free shipping and a free rechargeable frother when you use the code garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
There's no joke. That's right. Up to 43% off with code garbage at M-U-D-W-T-R dot com. After your purchase, they'll ask you how you found them. Let them know the boys sent you. Support the show and let them know. Tell them garbage, guys. What are you talking about? Keep your energy natural. Had a stroke.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available on Spotify now. Over there doing big things. Patreon.com slash RU Garbage. Check it out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Keep your energy natural and refreshing all year long with mud water because life's too short for anything less than clean, delicious energy. Do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
$150 a month. The problem is, which we learned, is you have to... In New York, they get stolen. They get fucking fucked up. My car's been stolen. I had to go to a garage. But we bought a conversion van. We spent a lot of money on a convertible. It's pretty fucking sick. Wait, is that like an A-team? Yeah, but it's more like it is, but it's like carpeted. There's like big executive seats in it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It's very, that's what we use. So we use it as like a tour bus. You got the captain chairs. Big, two big, all leather.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Spin around to the back. Come on. The back goes into a bed. It's fucking sick.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
But we bought it, and it had five leaks in the roof. So when it rains, water comes in. Sure. And then we found out there's nowhere to park it because it's too high to fit in any garage. Oh. So we got turned away from like 15 fucking parking lots.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
What? You should get a nice minivan, though, for the family. Yeah. The wife doesn't have a car?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Sharia law. She's actually a horrible driver. Like, no joke. She had a Jetta, and she wrecked it, like, four times. That's a hot girl car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's so true. Big time. And a Mitsubishi.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That was, like, the pretty stripper car. Really? No way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
She had a green Eclipse. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Champagne coming to the stage. Those poor older, like, was she from the 90s? Was she from the 90s?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
She's probably your age. She's a couple years older than me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
All right, those gals, they missed the OnlyFans train. Isn't that sad? I mean, you don't want your sister on OnlyFans. If Greta Thunberg, if she has a hard week, she can just pop on there and clean up. Yeah, they don't have to, you know, do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yes, sir. And we couldn't be more excited. I have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly, special guest back with us again today. The kid's family at this point. I know. He's a family man. You know him. You love him. Give it up for Mr. Mark Norman, everybody. Look at him. There he is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They don't have to start responding to Craigslist ads.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Exactly. And the hot chicks in college in the 90s were. Oh, yeah. Man, that's old guy shit. They were hot at the end. I remember getting the Sports Illustrated. Have you seen these broads recently? Have you been on Instagram? What are you talking about? No, but do you remember the- They're built different now. That's true. Was it Playboy that would go around and do the college?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yes. Man. Oh, yeah. Even fucking Jenny from Forrest Gump got in one of those. Remember that? That was a scene. Yeah, that's a- Oh, yeah. That's right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
She got in some trouble with her college sweater.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
All right, let's get serious here for a second. Sorry, I ruined your Black Panther party. I remember going to my dad and being like, what the hell is a Black Panther party? He's like, easy. He's like, ask your mother.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Are we alluding to my mom's? The entertainment at a Black Panther party? That's exactly what we're doing. She listens to the show. Luckily, it's not too deep.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Sure. Oh, man, everybody's getting it. All right, let's see. This one's from Project Pat. $10 homie, never have one read. Is it garbage to say you work for a business instead of at a business to sound classier? For example, I work for Exxon when you actually work at Exxon. That's a good move. That's really fucking good. Because now we're picturing Enron or some shit. You're in the office.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You're in a shirt and tie. You're yelling. There's a graph. You got more responsibilities.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, also I work with. I work with them. Instead of he's my boss, I work with them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Oh, yeah, client of mine. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. What are you talking about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I remember one time I used to work at a law firm, and I was on the call. The partner was like, I was in his office, and I was doing all the grunt work, and then he was like, I'm here with my colleague, Kevin, on a conference call. And I got to tell you, I was, dude, it was even like he was leaning back, and he's like, I'm here with my colleague. Kevin's on the call, too. Wow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Old Papa. Good to be back. I love it here. Sorry, I'm a little banged up from the Nashville weekend, but we're having a good time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Dude, you could have told me while I'm in dirty underwear. I'm fucking up so bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Colleague is big. I would have asked for a raise as soon as that phone hung up. We're going to throw you on hold one quick for a minute, David. Goddamn partner. Right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Goliath's good. Associate's good, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Associate of mine. That's down-talking. Yeah, he's an associate of mine. That's true. That's who you buy coke from. I got an associate's degree. That's the shitty one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I got the bachelor online. There you go. Finished it later. DeVry, baby. Phoenix. Phoenix. I think we played you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Did you ever graduate from the film school that you went to? Was it New York Film School?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I did, but you could do tiers. I did the two-year program. Okay. Yeah, you could do the four. You could do a six. I did a two. I got in, got out. Six. Sucker. Yeah. Crazy. Oh, man. All right, let's see. This is from Slappy. $10 discipline of trash. Never had one read. Ever wrote something on a bathroom stall? I feel like you could have been tagging up back in the day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That was the original Twitter. It was like, I fucked Susie, and then you put an arrow. You're actually gay for a good time. I mean, that was it. You still see that sometimes now at a seedy dive bar. You'll be like, this guy sucks. No, you're an asshole.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah. I love that. I used to see it all the time when I was waiting tables, and I could never figure out who the fuck was in here with a marker like that. And they would tag it up with bad gang things. It's a bear burger. What the fuck? You're claiming your turf over here?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
When you say you did an all-nighter, you were up 24 hours, didn't sleep?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Well, now you got the phone, so you're not even looking at the wall. Before, you had nothing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You had nothing to look at. I used to hate that shit. I hated that, and I also hated, this is going back, but the kids at the arcade, they would take a lighter, and they would burn the arcade machine. What? Just to get like a burn streak in it. Yeah, I remember that. Fucking worst.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, well, they got these after parties with the free drinks, and they just keep coming. Then you see a guy who's at the show. He gives you a shot, and you high-five him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, so I knew you were in a bad spot. Right, right. Parted down.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I remember one time I was pissing in a urinal at Juan's Flying Burrito. I was shit-faced. This must have been, where's that at? It's in New Orleans. Okay. On Magazine Street. It must have been 2001, and I saw a guy wrote, the hottest girl in the world, some guy's tired of fucking her. And I was like, pfft. It was like fucking Confucius or some shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I think he did say that, yeah. Yeah, I was 19. That blew my mind because I was like, I couldn't get laid. I was a nerd. I couldn't find pussy. And then that guy made me feel a lot better.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Sure. There's an old street joke of a guy's trapped on a desert island with Cindy Crawford and they have sex for like two years. It's awesome. And then finally, at like the end of two years, she's like, you know, we've done everything. What do you want me to do now? And he goes, hey, put this mustache on. She puts the mustache on. He goes, guess who? I'm fucking. I never heard that one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's pretty good. We saw Cindy Crawford. You guys use that. Oh, yeah. We saw. Ruined her dinner. Ruined her.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
We ruined her dinner in L.A. Would fully eat it. Skinny broad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Breadsticks got my name on it. What happened? I mean, she was the one. And you know what's so funny? I'm such an idiot. And we had been drinking. We were, like, day drinking. Then we went out to dinner. Luke's a cool young guy. He picked a cool young spot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Where were you at, Frankie and Johnny's?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Marvin's out there. La La Land. Hollywood. Goddamn Hollywood. Hollywood. You got to show face a little bit. Tinseltown. And I was pretty fucked up. And they were sitting right behind him. We were, like, bumping. And it was just a bad scene. Like, we were, like, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
So what night is this, theoretically? That was Saturday night. So it's Saturday night, so you don't sleep Saturday. Sunday, what do you do? I get up and go on a flight and go home. And then you've got to go home and hug a baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It was her, her daughter, her husband, and Austin Butler.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
So her husband also owns Casamigos. I did not know that. Her daughter is also a famous supermodel. Kaya Gerber. Pete Davidson. Really? They had a little fling. I'd love them. Oh, yeah. I want to smell that hog. I'd love them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I got a thing with Gerber, too. He's hot, too. He doesn't like them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Oh, shit. This is my room. We might not be able to get a table at Marvin's ever again. You start talking shit. What's wrong? You prefer burger.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Wait, what's up with you and Gerber? Nothing. I don't even know the guy. He just doesn't like the advertisements, and he doesn't like that he's that close to George Clooney.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah. He wants to be friends with Clooney. We all do. Because the Casamigos got started. They were so rich and so cool that- They bought vacation homes in Mexico, and they kept saying they couldn't find a smooth tequila in Mexico. What are we talking about? That's hilarious. That's like not being able to find fucking Coke in Colombia. What are you lying? You got bad hookup.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Is he the guy on the motorcycle? He's the guy on the motorcycle. He's the other guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
He's a huge restaurateur. He's a hunk, too. He kicked the shit out of me, too. But they came up with Casamigos just for their friends. Wow. For friends. A friend's house, yeah. The story is that they made a big order, and the order was so big that they had to get a license if they were making that big of an order in bottles. They ordered like 1,000 bottles.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
So they were like, oh, let's just sell it to the public. It's a fucking billion dollars they sold it for.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
A billion. I heard he gave 14 friends a million each.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah. That's not too shabby. Not too shabby. Wow. I'm getting the ideas. What? Giving out a million.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
But I saw Cindy. I walked back from the bathroom pretty fucked up, and I see her, and literally in my head, I went, that's a good-looking older broad. That's all she registered. At one point, I was in love with her. She was the hottest girl in the world. And that's how stupid I was. I was like, that's a pretty good-looking older broad. That's what she registered as. She's gorgeous.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
And you've got to fake it. I'm at the airport puking my guts out. I'm eating a sandwich going, all right, come on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Hanging in there. Real good. Yeah, we ruined their dinner. Fucking laughing, talking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Oh, I didn't do it. Ah, yeah, one other bottle. Just like, you know. It was like. I will say, Cosmico's not the best tequila.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Weird to get the vanilla taste and the hangover is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Brutal. And everybody uses it. I know. That's the fucking, that's the go-to now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Somehow. Crazy. Yeah. I like a Don Julio fucking 1942. I'm a bodega cat man myself. Just saying.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
We got it on the shelf back there. Hey. Oh, you got the old bottle. That's a vintage. Well, give me a new one. Ship it. I got it, Fanny. I'll send it right over. Charge me for it. Oh, shit. Yeah. I thought that was understood. Shipping and handling. How are you going to start? How are you going to start the car? Well, wholesale prices. All right. Let's see here. This is from Ethan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You're hungover. You're proper hungover.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
$10 contributor to the big man's 401k. Thank you. Never have one read. You guys ever have to throw drugs away at the airport? Oh, yeah. I'm not a narcotics man, but I picture you don't throw them away. I ain't throwing away nothing. Yeah, he rides dirty. Up the butthole. Will you throw it away, or will you keep it? I fucked up. I was hungover. I had a ton of shrooms in my bag.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Hungover, no sleep, you know, the whole thing. Diarrhea, puking, gay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Because as a comic, you get handed stuff. All the time. And I take it. Some guy's like, I'm going to take a shit from a stranger. I'm like, I prefer it from a stranger. Bring it on. Put it right in my ass. And I had a bunch of shrooms in my bag and Adderall and some other stuff. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
And I forgot. And I just, you know, I was hungover. I just sent it through the belt. And it went through. And I realized, like, two days later, I opened the bag. You know, I get some shit out of there. And I'm like, oh, my God, I had the shrooms. And then I never cared again. Once I got through. But what fucked me. was the border, Canadian border. They got me. They got you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You can't walk in and be like, hey, I don't feel well or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They got me on a weed dust stem seed from 1988 at a fucking rat concert. No shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Round and round. They found it with the dog. The dog got it. And what did they say? I had to be detained for six hours, and they were like, it's so little, we'll let you go. I was doing just for laughs. But another crazy story. I had a bunch of weed gummies, a bunch of shrooms in my bag, and I did a gig in Buffalo. And I had a Buffalo Friday, Montreal Saturday.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
No, you've got to be on, baby. It's battle stations when you get home. That's the hard part about a kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
And this kid goes, I'll drive you up. It's like a two hour drive. Fuck flying. But you got to get rid of the drugs. And I said, no problem. They didn't do that. Right before the border, we went to a guy's backyard, and we made a little hole. We found, like, a secret area, and we buried all the drugs. And I go, let's come back tomorrow, and we'll get them. And he goes, you got them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah. This is my deal, Norman. So we go over the border. The kid opens for me. He bombs. I drive. He drops me off or whatever. I do the gig. And then he goes, I'm going to fly back. And I go, I'm going to fly back. You drive back. And he went back and took all the drugs. There you go. So he got them. There you go. Shrooms, weed, whatever. Coke, you're in trouble. Oh, yeah. Don't be that guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I had friends take Coke to Columbia one time. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Sand to a beach. And he's like, yeah, but what if we couldn't get it in that first couple hours? I'm like, that's a pretty good. What? It's insane. Gaze to Fire Island. What are you doing? Got to come correct. Yeah. Well, I guess if it was like, oh, the numbers we got, whatever it was, he had, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Listen, everybody that was there was like, you fucking idiot, and then it was like, alright, let's have some. Not me, I don't partake, I wasn't even there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They keep saying Columbia's gonna legalize cocaine.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
doing crowd work? Because you've got to think, she's been with the kid all weekend. So she needs relief. And you come in smelling like a hooker or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
A possession it is. You're allowed to have like a certain, you know, like it's decriminalized, you're allowed to have like a gram on you. I would love to just try it down there. I know, it's so pure. It's gotta be.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Let's go! It's gotta be awesome. I know, I bet it is. You've never, you've probably had some good stuff. Oh, 100%, but not fucking... From the Garden of Eden. Right. It's always eating with this guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
All right, let's see here. This is from Brian. Is it garbage if your go-to pizza takeout place happens to be from the local laser tag place? Wow. You're in a bad neighborhood if that's the case. Wow. Getting takeout from a fucking laser tag spot? Could be good, though. Yeah, but if you're a laser tag guy at this age, you're just practicing shooting. You're going to go back to the hood.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Isn't that coming back a little bit? Aren't laser tag places kind of popular now? I don't think so. Like paintball was? Is that right? I remember when laser tag first came out. I remember the actual product. It sucked. Oh, like the one you get at the house. And only rich kids had it. They all got it for Christmas one year. It was janky. Because you go, I fucking hit you, man. It didn't light up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
If you were more than eight feet away or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, it wasn't like in the commercial. The gun was cool as shit, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's true. Yeah. We had to place the ultra zone. I mean, you must have been like eight years old is when it hit. And I was by the mall. And I mean, it blew our fucking, it was like you were in space. Yeah. It was like, it was a game master. And like, yeah, it was fucking, it was awesome. And then you got to see your score at the end.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Cigarettes. Puking up cigar butts and semen. She hands you the baby when you walk in. And you're like, who's this? She's covered in stains. Looks like Monica Lewinsky.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah. That was like, that was it. You went as well. That was like my Vietnam.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Where's this guy from? This laser tag pizza?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I don't know. Check it out. See what's up. You're on Zillow looking at real estate. It's probably good. It's probably like bowling alley pizza. I do like bad pizza. Me too. Love bad pizza. Oh, yeah. Chuck E. Cheese, all that shit. CC's. You guys have CC's? I've had CC's once. I was real fucked up at Penn State. That was the only time I've ever seen it, though. Oh, it's good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
There was all this pizza buffet and a little salad thing that no one touched.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Sure. They're also the inventor of the dessert pizza. That's right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You got a photo of him at the house framed? The churros pizza. This is Giacomo Sisi.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Papa John's wouldn't let him change the recipe, so he said, fuck you, and went out and started his own thing. You know who else is a real guy? Benny Hanna. That's a real Asian dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's Steve Aoki's dad. That's right. That's right. But he vowed to never, I don't know, apparently he was a bit of an asshole. Oh, really? Benny Hanna was. I could see that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
He got caught insider trading. Didn't he?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, he fucked up Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Because at the end of it, I believe that's a true story, and he did go to jail or whatever. He got in trouble. At the end of it, he goes, I'm never going to a Benny Hanna. I don't care whose birthday it is. Because think about when Benihana hit, if you were a rich guy in New York or L.A., that was probably the coolest fucking thing. They're flipping shrimp around and stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Oh, yeah. I can't do it. I don't like eating around other people. Communal tables, no good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I'm with you. I don't like sharing. I hate tapas. I hate family style because I just want it all.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Family style I like, with people that I know. Yeah. But me and my wife walked out of a, I made her walk out of a Chinese place down in Chinatown. Maybe it's Zhongli's or something like that. It's not O'Malley's, but I can't remember what the name of it was.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It's tough. And then when did you get to sleep on Sunday night? Sunday night?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
we get in there and they're like yeah you're sitting here and it's like a long picnic table with like fucking some family from Idaho I was like fuck that I'm with you you sit down the other side yeah I'm not sitting around other people yeah the whole thing yes
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I hate that in New York. It's just so close. I went out to fucking brunch yesterday with my wife and it's like, you're just. I know. I'm like, I'd rather sit outside and eat over a mailbox.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
This is like, I can't talk. I can't like, I'm like, my wife would be like, asking me some like intimate, not intimate, but like something. I'm like, shut the fuck up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
business out there right airing out my dirty laundry we're comedians we want to say fucked up shit i know my wife keeps doing the thing very loudly and this is my fault this is my fault i'm admitting this is my fault screaming when you jerk it we go in and it's like are you gonna be okay here are you gonna be all right are you gonna be comfortable here do you want us to move to the bigger table like saying it loud
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Well, I said, you know what? I'm going to put the baby to bed early you know get some baby time you're going around pulling the shades down yeah what's his name again and uh yeah so i went to bed at like you know 10 30 i watched white lotus i rubbed one out and that was it where do you rub one out You know, the crib's here. I'm in the bed. We're good. Sure. The sound machine's on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
There's fucking chicks in here to fucking tone it down.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Wait, what are you, her dead nana? Like, you going to be okay here, Grandpa?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Well, she knows how fat I am. It's more of a seating situation. I see. I had them do that to me at a sushi place two weekends ago where they moved me. Oh, they were like, don't you think you'd be more comfortable over there? Because, you know, you're kind of blocking the thing here for the we don't want the servers bumping in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I got the fire marshal all over my back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You're going to have to eat in the basement. Yeah. They move me over to a corner table.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I picture you walking. It's like Godzilla. They're all like you're stepping on buildings and cars. The water is shaking in the glass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah. Fucking bastards. Gang, this show is sponsored by Liquid IV. Say it again. This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. One more time. This show is sponsored by Liquid IV, and so is every hangover I've ever had in the last six, seven months, man. I'm saying the last couple of years. What are we talking about? Goddamn OGs at this point. We love our Liquid IV over here, gang. We tell it all the time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Now, listen. Is it great for working out? Yes. Does it hydrate you three times faster than water? Yes. But what are we really using it for? When you're hungover. When you're sicky. When you're sick. It used to be cranberry juice when you were a kid. That's 1950s shit. I might as well be drinking that crap that they had up on the moon. Now it's all about liquid IV.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
When you're not feeling well, just put that in your Yeti or whatever you got. Chugging that. How you doing? I like the golden cherry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I had some this weekend, that new berry filet. Dude, I'm telling you, one of them berries and a bacon, egg, and cheese, I'm ready to fight my landlord. Get out of the way. I am starting to eat with it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I love it. Guys, get ready for summer with Extraordinary Hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com. Use the code GARBAGE at checkout. You know it. That's 20% off your first order with code GARBAGE at liquidiv.com. What are we doing? Go get your Liquid IV. Stay hydrated. We love you. Back to the show. Back to the show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, I just hate that shit. That's a tough one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It's my corporate steakhouse. Oh, you have Benihana. Big seats.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Pretty good. Okay, so he's not a Benny Hanna.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You're one for two. He's batting 50% on real guys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't think that last name was Benny Hanna.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That'll do it. I gotta say, we were talking about resorts. I went to a resort with my family maybe like six months ago, and we went to the hibachi. Like, there's like an Italian place, a steak place, a hibachi place. You go to each place each night. And, man, the hibachi. This guy fucking killed it. And it's not for... Us.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It's for kids. It's for grandparent. And I mean like this guy fucking put on a goddamn show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Really? It was impressive. You agree some?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They did. Yeah. Okay. My brother took care of it. I didn't have a cash on me. You know what I mean? You know what's another tough one is hot pot. You ever do that? Love hot pot. I can't get into it. Really? Well, it's a giant cauldron of boiling oil, and you put a fucking squid head in there and one of their daughters, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah. I love hot pot. You get the spicy one, and you get soup. It's not oil.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Oh, it's not? No, it's soup. It's so greasy. I don't know. There's something about it. I don't know. You take it out. It's a hazard. There's shit flying everywhere. There's- Water coming at you? Do you do a Korean barbecue where you go flip-flopping?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I'll do that all day. I'll do that all day, yeah. That's all right. Love a Korean barbecue. Love it, love it. The best.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Walk out smelling like a line cook, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You can't run into a comedy club after that. But it's just fun. You feel like Hunter Biden. You're just freebasing that shit all day. It's great. I think I'm really good at it, too. Right, right. I'm like, we're into weeds. And I'm like, fucking, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Have you ever yanked it when the missus is in bed with you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I'm telling other people how to do it. Totally. Chopping it up with the scissors. Oh, yeah. I love that. All the stuff. The first time I went, I was like, all this shit's free? I know. And they just keep it coming.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They keep it coming. I went to a place in Jersey, Fort Lee, which is very Asian in Fort Lee, and we went with my Korean buddy to a place that we're like, they don't speak English. They didn't even look at us.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They just went to him, and he was just like, hit us with it, and it was fucking fantastic. Hell yeah. Is Lee the guy? I thought it was Robert E. Lee. Turns out it's Young Lee. There's a lot of Asians in Fort Lee. Yes, that's what they said. Very much so.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Happy coincidence, I guess. What? Lee.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Lee's an Asian name. That's what I'm saying. That was a bit. Well, they have the term fort over there that's relatively derogatory, I would say. I can't wait. Fair enough. Hit me later. Sure, I'll text you. Over a little hot pot. This is from Hemi. Is it garbage if you can see three different McDonald's signs from your house?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You've got to not shake. You know, you've got to keep it still. It's like I need a, what do you call it, a posturpedic. That's a slow jerk. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Who do you live at the airport? That's crazy. I know, right? That's a tough neighborhood. Or paradise. It does exist. The only way that's not trash is if you're in some crazy high rise. You can see the whole city. Sure, yeah, if you're in like a penthouse. Right. Which I think that in New York, to have the floor-to-ceiling window is something I would love to have. Oh, that's big.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Unless you were wearing plastic underwear, which I do not think you wear. It didn't go through. No, dude, that's insane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You get the hobo right up on it, jerking it. Not on the first floor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
At least on the second floor. Anytime the fast food's that close to your house, you're in trouble.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, Michael Jackson had a McDonald's in his mansion. Is that true? That's true. Give it a gook there, Lukey. Norman Fax over here. I'm telling you. You know, that's named after a guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Let's see how many I can do. It was Gary McDonald. Carl's Jr., not a real guy, by the way. He wasn't his son. And Jack in the Box, real name is Randy. He wasn't his son. They were friends. That was it. Yeah, exactly.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Make love to yourself. They dropped a bowling ball.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, nobody has that. You got people working there. You got trucks coming in and out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I already forgot. It was your claim. The McDonald's in Michael Jackson's house. That wasn't real? No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That was a movie. Which, man, that was a great movie. I was the same age as that guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Oh, man. I think, yeah, there was a claim, though. He was like the original Mr. Beast. You know, he could just make shit happen. Yeah. Him and Blank Check. Blank Check was huge.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You're just standing there wailing on yourself. Yeah, exactly.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
But I just saw something. The broad in Blank Check who was a cop who was like 30.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Didn't she make out with him at the end of Blank Check? Who's Blank Check? I saw that. Blank Check. Different Asian. Gary Blank Check. Yeah. Who's that? Gary Blank.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah. Yeah. Who's Blank Check? So Blank Check was this kid. He was pretty savvy at computers. He got hit in a parking lot on his bike.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I've always wondered whatever would happen. Because that's my move. And if I ever got busted doing that. That's your move? Good thing you don't have a waterbed, dude. Oh, God. That's Katrina all over again. That thing pops. Taking out the coast of Japan. Fukushima.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
He got hit on his bike by this guy who the cops were. He was trying to get away from the cops. This bad actor, bad character. Giamatti, was it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
He smoked cigarettes like crazy. He had such a 90s sig face.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Michael Lerner. Don't you have the IMDB?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
This is, we're going real. No, that's not that guy. That's not that guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's the guy that ran. That was another guy. He ran the agency that James Caan worked in. Elf. Oh, shit. Here's the boss in Elf. Love that guy. Michael, Miguel Ferrer. Oh, that guy's great. RoboCop. Yes, RoboCop. Man, RoboCop was vicious. That was dark. I had a hard time getting into that 70s show, which I loved because of Red. And the Chinese restaurant. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Because the dad was, dude, he was so good in RoboCop. Terrifying. And so mean.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
just twisted fucking blow his head off they got some like swedish guy to direct it and he was like a gore nut maybe not swed german or something forgot the guy's name but he was like we're going all in they're like the studio's like what are you crazy cutting a guy's head off you're cutting the guy's balls off and he's like we're doing it and it worked so good paul verhoeven paul verhoeven
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Co-owner of Benihana. Only a couple locations. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Sorry, we're going full movie time here. I love it. Went down a blank check. Fucking wormhole. At least these are all recent films.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
All right, let's see here. This is from Muscles Marinara. Have you or anyone you know ever said, I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six? That is a dirtbag.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That was a rapper thing. A lot of Lloyd Bang, a lot of people would say that. I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six. That's why they keep the heater on them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You mean I'd rather be in court than be dead?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, I'd rather be judged by 12 by a jury for shooting you than you carried at my funeral by six friends. Yeah, that's kind of poetic. That's very time is money, you know, type dirtbag. That was very early 2000s. Right. No sleep or whatever. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Yes. You could walk a mile in these shoes type thing. You could, you know. Another day short of a millionaire.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
This kid was bad. He was like four years older than us. He would wear, he had a time is money shirt with an actual dollar bill in it. And it said time is money. And I remember we were down the shore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Always. Always. It's like whenever a girl refers to herself as a queen, I'm like, you have no accomplishments. Yeah. You're a dumb bitch. Yeah. And he was like, he wore it to a bar in wild, and we were down the shore, and I remember being like, dude, you are going to get ridiculed the second you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
He didn't get that you were down the shore, and he was still dressed like a thug. I'm like, no one's dressed like thugs down here. Yeah, yeah. It was very like we're at the beach, and he's fitted hat on chain and a time is money t-shirt. Nah, I don't go in the water.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I don't want to mess with my Jordans. He's on the beach in sneaks. Remember Jabot?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They had a bunch of clothes. Marcus J. Jabot or whatever. I can never get them. Real guy. But he had a fucking license plate plaque on the back of the shirt, and that was big shit back in the day. I don't remember that. I remember those jeans. Oh, I remember that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
The broads or whatever. The jeans had the straps on the front. That's right. They were big. Big jeans.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Cat runs into the living room. I would assume that would be, just knowing my wife, that would probably be like an emotional, that would be a bed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
A lot of white kids trying to be black is what it was. The wraparound sunglasses we're in, the shiny shirts, the button-downs, the frosted tips. It was a dark time. The Ed Hardy t-shirts. Oh, yeah. Never that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
High-tech tees, though. You would get t-shirts from, like, Express. That's where we'd go. We were, like, dressing up. You'd get, like, bootcut jeans and an Express t-shirt and thought we were, like, boot. Jeans. Yes, yes. I got my Apple Bottom jeans on. What was that belt? Buckle. Remember Buckle? That store? No. What? You don't know about Buckle? Johnny Buckle. It was an Amish store.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They just made hats. But no, there was a store called Buckle that was like hot shit. It was all jeans and belts and straps. Remember those big leather straps a guy would wear? With the two snaps on it and stuff? I never understood that thing. That was a very Von Dutch era where the accessories became really big.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
The Von Dutch hats and girls wearing the fedoras.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Right, right. A lot of black roots back then on a blonde lady. Sure. And on this night show.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I liked it. All right, this one's from Tootie Slam Piece. At what age did you make your first Craigslist transaction? My dad would drive me to buy things off Craigslist when I was in grade school. That seems young.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I mean, dude, you're both in bed and you're just fucking, because you do it odd, too. I don't know. He plays the fiddle. He's doing a money sign.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They'd go, let me see it. All right, can I sit in it? Yeah. And he goes, I'll think about it. I'm like, it's $2. Think about it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Let me noodle on it. I'm a guy on the street, lady.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I was more of a men seeking men type of guy. Sure, that was out there. Woo-wee. Miss Connections. Oh, those were hot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Women seeking women. Hell yeah. Miss Connections was big. That was steamy. That was a real lady, Miss Connection.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
She's the original franchisee. Man, college, I always got to a point every couple of years in my life when it was like, I had a pretty good job, so I would buy some stuff. I remember I had a pretty expensive snowboard. Not expensive, but a couple hundred dollars where I'm like, oh, I don't snowboard anymore. I could get a couple hundred bucks for this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I would go and be like, that'll get me through this month. Then I'd start selling whatever electronic I had. Real crackhead type shit. Sure. Really? You would? I remember selling my snowboard to a guy in South Philly. Dude, he pulls up. I was with my boy. I'm like, dude, just come with me. I don't think anything's gonna go bad, but, like... For the bye? What? Yeah. For the bye?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
And I get out, and this, like, fucking... I don't know if he was in the... I wanted to be in the... Like, a young... He looked like he'd be an enforcer for the Sopranos. Like, shows when Sopranos was hot, too. A shaved head, cut-off fucking thing. He pulls up in an Escalade, parks in, like, two spots, hops out, and he's like... Listen, I know I said three, but I can only do two. Yeah, of course.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It was like him and his boys were going snowboarding that weekend, and I'm like, ah, man, I don't know, like 250? And he's like, it's two. And I'm like looking at my buddy, and my buddy's like, just like looking at the ground.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Devil went down to Georgia looking for his pelvis.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Just give it to him, man. You don't snowboard anyway, you said.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Two works, man. He was working on that the whole drive. You pussy. Pulled up, left the door open, music playing. Like, that's a guy who's going to. He was at least showing, like, I'm a guy who will fight you in this parking lot. Come on. You could have hit him with the board.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, you should have said no, dude. I said three. Yeah. You go back to South Philly and tell your fucking goons they try any rough stuff. I ain't no band leader.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, he just does like a little pinch and roll. Weird. Pinch and roll.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You could just walk back inside. Yeah. No. We had met him in the parking lot. I would have had to then put the board back and zip it up in the back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You probably needed the money for dinner. You probably were in front of a diner or something like that. I already ordered, man. They're going to take my potato skins back if I'm not in there for five minutes with some cash. You're lucky I have another deal percolating inside. Can't be. Come on. Listen, I'm a bozo. What do you want from me? That guy probably told all his boys. I know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I mean, this guy would have fucked me up. I pushed back. It's not like I let him take it. I still got $200 out of the deal. Joke's on him. It was worth $100. All right. Take that, you slippery guinea.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Okay. Easy does it. All right. This was from David. $10 jammed up, homie. Is it garbage to take sand from the park and use it in your kid's sandbox? What the fuck?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I don't. That's hilarious. Cigarette butts and shit like that? That's bad. It depends what park. New York City parks are bad. There's just needles and cig butts. It's just hobo shit. It's like a litter box for a homeless.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, it's tough. Even beaches. Even the nicest area where the beach is supposed to be nice. It's been so many years of cigarette butts and cans. They're all gross. Oh, yeah. Dead birds and shit. Dead birds. Nasty.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You can't be doing that, Norman. You do it out of state if you want.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Dead birds. What are you, a sight man? There's dead birds. Dead birds.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, that's – I mean, it's resourceful, I guess, but you don't want to be that guy. We were always big. We always needed – I don't know why, but a lot of times in our life, we needed sand, and we were never ones to buy it. Like, you could go to the Home Depot and get those bags of sand, and we – Nah, there's sand down, and we would go somewhere to get sand. Oh, 100%.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
We built a half pipe in my backyard. The whole thing was stolen. All the plywood, all the coping. We'd just deal off construction sites. Dude, that was most... I mean, same thing. We biked a lot and skated and all that stuff, and they were building up these cookie-cutter McMansions in our area, and we would just go, and the... Two by four is galore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They didn't care that the guys work in the job site. I mean, now it's like a huge, it was Toll Brothers. It's a huge fucking corporation. So they were just like, we don't give a fuck. Right. Take it. Yeah. Plywood, we would take the tools. Oh, wow. Nails, anything.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Because they would just leave it and we would just go in and ransack it. It was a grab bag. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It's hard to find a good mechanic. Sometimes I'll do the old backwards. French grip. Yeah, right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Until some kid fell into the unfinished basement.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That did happen. Oh. Shout out to Chris. Broke his fucking hips and pelvis. That was a rough fall. One of my favorite things ever, we found a box of caulk and just took it and smashed it all over the walls and was just caulking things to the wall of the basement. It was like the funnest thing for a 12-year-old kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
that's a good time just throwing so just stick in it pre-internet man we had to get creative imagine that contractor showing up monday morning like oh yeah true dude at one point we found the keys for the backhoe like the little oh i mean it was like could do because at four o'clock they left and we would sit up in the ridge like we were indians yeah like waiting for the cowboys to leave we'd sit up on top of this hill all on our bikes and they'd all get in their trucks and leave and we just
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I'm telling you, it did not get to the outer layer. What you may know as the upper atmosphere. It stayed within the molten core of the butt cheek. The underwear, on the other hand, didn't make it. Thank you. You're welcome. I appreciate your hospitality. Of course.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
And just fucking do whatever the fuck we want. You had to make fun. You would find an old shopping cart on a Saturday morning, and you're like, this is our day. That was four hours. Yeah. That was four hours. Down a hill. End up in a bush, flipping around. Laughing the whole way. We found a Christmas tree one time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Dude, somebody had taken their Christmas tree and pulled it into the woods to get rid of it. Uh-huh. And it had like the end of it had sat in water. So it like sustained kind of. And we found it. We were like, we pulled it out of the water. We're like, let's let this thing dry out for a couple of days because we are going to set it on fire. Oh, hell yeah. Let it dry out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
The old McEnroe. It's called the Andre Agassi in my house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
My boy Pat and Flip found it on, like, Monday. They came in with, like, they told us all around the lunch table. They got a score. They're like, we got a Christmas tree. We're going to let it dry out for it. On Friday, everybody come over. This is your Lufthansa heist?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
But he said it was still good. I thought you were going to, like, put it up and decorate it. I thought so, too. I was like, what are you going to do with this thing? A bunch of dorks sitting around. Start doing a white elephant. Yeah. I hope I was good this year.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
What are you, Jewish friends? We're burning this fucking thing. I'm pissed. I mean, you're looking for stuff to do. Dude, a dry Christmas tree?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It was insane. It's a wick. That, we would steal all the PVC. Once they started doing the plumbing, we'd steal the PVC and make three-foot bongs with it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
We'd take caulk, caulk it up, make the bongs. Yeah, we set a fire in the woods, and it gets a little too. For like a second, you're like, oh, God! You really find out what you're made of.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah. And I do. My fight or flight response ain't good. No, no. I take off. That and shooting stuff with a BB gun, you find out what you're made of.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, that fucking red breast is getting it. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It was a great comic. It was an open mic comic. I forget who it was. It was a great joke you hear that you never hear again. The guy was like, you know how some people you sit on your hand and jerk off?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
And then you hit it and you're like, I can't believe I hit it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It's like Luigi, probably how he felt. I can't believe I hit it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
All right, let's see if we got time for one more here. This one's from Chase Lee. First time, long time, $10 homie. Is it garbage to bring a frozen margarita machine to your mother's wake? That's a hell of a sentence. That's a good party, though. True. I come from a boozing family, so we're drinking before, after. Listen, it's what you would have wanted, I'm sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I know, but you just hear somebody in the living room making a poetic speech. I'll tell you who's getting one of those is Clooney when he dies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Fucking Cosmigos is going right in there. Run it up. I'm putting his ashes in there and drinking it. Live forever, baby. Yeah, but that's it. We've got to wrap it up, gang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
What a fun one. Always great. Always great to have Uncle Mark in the house. You ain't lying, baby. Pleasure to be back. You got anything coming out? Hit them. Hey. This is coming out this week.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, great. Fresh. I'm going to the UK. I'm going all over the limey, foggy London town. I'm going to Belfast and Glasgow and all that and London and Cardiff, and then I'm going to Australia later in the year just trying to get away from this child shit. Sure. And, yeah, so come on out. MarkNormanComedy.com. All kinds of dates coming all over the U.S. too. Love it. Tuesday Stories.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You're the best, buddy. We love having you. Kippy, what do you got for us?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Guys, we are on the road next week. There's just a few tickets left for Cleveland. That's it. The second show out of there. Then we are announcing our fall dates coming up very soon. Got a big one coming, gang. Yes. There's a link in the description of this episode. Click that. Let us know if you live in any of the cities.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Watch Route 66 on the YouTube page. Grab some cards of the new card. The card game's out. Yeah. Yeah, and that's it. We love yous.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It feels like I'm jerking off a completely different guy. The stranger is great. Is that Nate Bargatze, I think?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I mentioned Easter. I get excited for Easter. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Any candy-themed holiday he starts chubbing up for. To be fair, you're looking for candy on Tuesday. Just in the corner.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Is it the end of Ramadan? Let me break this fast. I found out that they eat at night, man. That's easy. Do that standing on my head. I thought they had to go 40 days with nothing. Who are they, Moses?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Oh, is that right? Yeah, no, they eat at night.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
They're just not allowed to eat during the day. They have big parties at night. The mosque down the street from me, it's like fucking Studio 54.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Club Med. I didn't know that. I was with you. I thought that's why they were so angry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
No tits, no bacon. Get a Keith Bar or something, will you? Nah, they do nice spread at night. Looks pretty good, too. Wow. A little yogurt, a little tzatziki. Sure. Hummus, pita, grape leaf. How you doing? Love all that stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Are you doing anything for Easter? Now you're a family man. Goddamn Mark Norman family man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
The baby's what? He's not even a year, right? He's a few months.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I don't know what's going on. I don't know his birthday. Eat his candy. You got to realize babies make holidays. Christmas with like eight old people is the saddest thing on the planet. Your grandmother's smoking. You're hungover. You're like, what are we doing here? I got socks. So a baby makes it. So Easter, I'm going out to Walmart. I'm getting the bunny.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I'm getting the green fake bullshit grass. I'm getting the basket. A couple of peeps. Yeah, Cadbury's. I'm going all in. I like it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's the way to go. You're going to start that trend. Was it like that when you were growing up? Did you guys go big on that stuff?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
We did, yeah. My parents, we did a crawfish boil every Easter in the carport. Just like Jesus would have wanted. Yeah. The cousins ran around, and we found those eggs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Don't have none of them Jews in there. I'll tell you that right now. Holy cow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Keep them away. You do a crawfish, what's the carport?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Well, my grandparents had this big carport.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's a southern thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We don't really have them up here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It's a very trashy garage for the folks out there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It's to block it from the sun, like the weather. Yeah. It's like the sun and the weather. Yeah, it's not. We don't really have them. Those things get hot as shit in the summer. They got tools down there, a sawhorse, a kegerator. Yeah, they were pretty. I mean, it's open. There's no walls.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, it's a mosque. It's a hillbilly mosque. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
All right, I like it. Do you guys have any plans? You got to get the baby baptized or anything like that? We did the circumcise. That was hell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
In the hospital. I did it myself. It wasn't easy. Yeah, I just got a teeth in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, like a Snickers. I just ripped it. But yeah, that was tough because that fucking dong is all mangled for a while. But he looks good now. Good, good piece. That's got to sting. Proud of the piece? Proud of the piece. That's good. Ball bag's even better.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Good ball bag. That is a drum, I would assume.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Oh, well, I bathe him every night in the hot tub, and that thing gets like an old taffy. In the hot tub? Well, that's what I call it. It's a warm bath. I'm not fucking Matthew Perry-ing this kid over here. Cut him out in the jacuzzi? Yeah. You know, that's a guy, by the way. Who? That's his name, John Jacuzzi. Get the fuck out. Pull that up. No shit. I might have the first name wrong.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Tony Jacuzzi? Is it something like that? That's pretty good. I think I remember this now. That's what it's named after, that guy. No, but then you would bump into other Jacuzzis, I feel. The Jacuzzi thing. I would have went to school with the Jacuzzis. That's true. There's too many Zs, too, in a last name. I'm telling you. I think it's a guy. Uh-oh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I thought it was an Italian word for hot bath. No. Oh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You know he invented that just to get pussy. Oh, dude, 100%. I'm going to make a big soup. None of these broads want to take a bath with me. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
You put your butthole right next to the vent.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It can also go Asian, too. Jacuzzi. Jacuzzi. It almost sounds like, yeah, jacuzzi. Oh, very good. That's not bad. That's what they say before they stab themselves.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Japanese. Right. We had a jacuzzi growing up. What? We were semi-new money. My dad did well that my parents built a house. When we moved out of the city into the suburbs, I was very young. Wait, you had a jacuzzi at your mom's house? Yeah. No shit. Wow.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
When did that get taken down? Last year. No kidding.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I remember seeing that. We blew the motor out. So that was in her bathroom. Oh. In her bathroom, there was a big jacuzzi.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah. No, but it was big. I mean, it was big. I thought you meant outside. No, the jacuzzi's inside. I've seen the one in her bedroom. Yeah, a hot tub's outside. A jacuzzi, I thought, was like an indoor tub. No, that's interchangeable. It's like band-aid. Right. I don't think so. It is a hot tub, though.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
A jacuzzi can be outside. Jacuzzi is the name brand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I'm not saying they don't. Of course they do. You think Giacomo Jancuzzi is not fucking doing outside? Currently they do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Currently they do. I've never seen an indoor jacuzzi. I thought that was a whirlpool. Maybe it's a whirlpool.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
We called it a jacuzzi. And either way, we'd have like 14 neighborhood kids in there wrestling and shit. It wasn't as classy as it was supposed to be.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
A whirlpool is when you have an above-ground pool and everybody runs around in a circle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Yeah, we used to do that. That's the best. We'd throw ice cubes in it, too. Let's get cold. We didn't have a lot of things. But jacuzzi, the saddest thing about a jacuzzi was when you let one just rot out for a while and you come over and it's just algae and mold. There's like leaves on top of the cover and shit. Yes, exactly. We used to have one in college.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
And we'd get, you know, hook up with girls in it. That was like a big selling point. Like, hey, I got a jacuzzi at the house. Dude, in college, that's like, might as well be Hugh Hefner. Forget about it. So I'd bring girls over, and it would be late at night, so you'd flop that big mat, you know, that big foldy. It's like 800 pounds.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
And the steam would come out, and we'd hook up and all that, but then you look at that thing in the morning, and you're like, thank God it was nighttime, because this is like flit water.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
There's fish in there. Yeah, it was...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
brown and roommates at the bottom of it it's like the city of atlantis down there who's paying lenny's rent this month he ain't gonna make it i wonder if jacuzzi was trying to hang out with ferrari and lamborghini like hey i'm one of you guys they're like get out of here he was new money yeah new hooker money possibly lamborghini he he got he got uh elbowed by ferrari that's why he started the company that's right he's not through his nose at him he was a tractor guy tractor guy
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Went and told Ferrari, hey, this is what you got to do. You got to do this, that, the other thing. Ferrari was like, fucking go back to the fucking potato farm. Right, right. Built a Lamborghini. Sure. Thinking about getting one. A jacuzzi.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Do they still make Lamborghini? Ferrari's still cooking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I got in one. That thing is a rip. You've been in one? I met a guy. I did his podcast in LA. And he's like, I have a Lamborghini in the garage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Good buddy of ours. Great guy. Good buddy. Great dude. Sent us watches. What? Yeah. Very nice guy. I was wearing it this weekend. Holy shit. I didn't get a watch, Matt. But you got to think of riding a fucking Ferrari. Well, now I'm going to come clean. That Ferrari was a hunk of junk. That thing was rickety and rockety.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I think that Ferrari started the fire. So did that Lamborghini. I think he knocked it into a tree and it just lit up like a pinto.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's all right. A lot of times those cars aren't that great, though, when you get in them. It's fucking uncomfortable. I couldn't fit in it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show where you sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. But they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
No, the console's this big. You're all squinched up. I don't get that. Wheel wells up your ass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Shout out to a Navigator. Hear, hear. I'm a Chevy Lumina man myself. Ooh, I like a Nissan Altima. All right, let's do some Qs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Got Mr. Norman here. Let's get to business.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
As you guys know, when you sign up on the old Patreon over there, www.patreon.com. You get to ask your garbage question with sometimes a huge star such as Mark Norman, everybody. He's looking behind him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
This guy's been in a Ferrari before. When does the next page of the stage come out? Or is it already out? Which, by the way, was fantastic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Thank you guys for doing that, by the way. That was great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I wanted to do that. I got more work done that night than fucking for the last six months. Well, you're real commies. You had ideas. I've done those before where a guy's like, what's it? couch and a sofa? What's up with that? And you're like, come on, man. That's actually pretty good. That's not bad. Make me do your leader.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
But yeah, no, you guys killed it. We did a premiere page stage at Village East Cinemas, and you guys and Sal Volcano did a fun little joke writing session at the end, and that was a hot treat. It was a home run. Great job on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Sal Acuse was fantastic doing it. Looked great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Killed it, yeah. That's on Punch-Up Live now. The next one, I think, is Michelle Wolfe did one, so we're going to try to mix it up and do other comics. Oh, there you go. Ah, that's great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Your producer hat on there. I'm trying.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
I'm trying to do a show. It's one of these shows that I'm like, how is this not around? It's right there. It's a layup.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Executive producer, Mark Gorman. I like the sound of that. Trying, baby. Where do you park the Beamer, by the way?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Do you have a garage at the house? I got a nice garage at the Atlantic Terminal in Brooklyn, a block away from my house. It got broken into the first week, and it's a fucking- In the garage? In the garage. And I asked the guy for the footage. He goes, oh, we don't do that. And I was like, all right, cool. And then the second week, I got it fixed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
It's hard to get a fucking 50-year-old German window. Sure. So I had to send it to Jersey. I had to tow it out. There was a nightmare. Got it back. Got a boot on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
Jesus Christ. Is that the only car? Is that your only car?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!
That's insane you don't have like a 2022 Toyota. I should do that. For zipping around. You get them for like, it's like 80 bucks a month you can get one. Really? I mean, you can get a huge, yeah, for sure. Sweet. Let's get Norman a car. Let's buy Norman a car today. Yeah!
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Michelle Williams
Well, you might go to the intimacy coordinator and say that.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Michelle Williams
To not to, not to participate in that spirit. Well, I'm getting a little emotional. Yeah. I'm in danger. When I talk about my father, I start crying. So yeah. What is that about? I don't know, he was... I'm sorry.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Michelle Williams
I'd encourage you to open it wide open. There I was, on stage, in front of hundreds of people, perfectly happy. Then my dad came up, and all of a sudden I became overwhelmed. And I was embarrassed. It wasn't what I intended. I wasn't there to bare my soul. Didn't I just say 10 seconds before that the Gladwells are not emotional people? I want to move on, but Gervais won't let me.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Michelle Williams
So off we go in an entirely new direction. I mean, I do cry every time. He's been gone five years. And A friend of mine said, two friends of mine said two very beautiful things that I've always remembered. One was a friend of mine who was writing something about his father. And he said, my father died 20 years ago today. I know him better today than I did back then.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
What happens to them?
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
If they weren't to become a state.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
Can we see the fashion? Let's see the outfit one time, Bianca. Let's see the outfit. Beautiful.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
Let's see the outfit. Oh. Oh. Beautiful. Bianca, beautiful. Oh. Bianca, ready? And on the right.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
Oh, there it is. Perfect. Perfect.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
Are you ready to go on the offense? Yeah.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
Are you ready to go on the offense?
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
We have to win back our young people. I am the only candidate in this race for any of these positions.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
Dude, look, man. I don't really...
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
Yeah.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
Right.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
The stack calling for me, the fascinating thing is to play with the stacks in the rut and look if they are coming, if they are not coming and what they do and what they will do and that's fascinating.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
Play with the stacks and the rut and look if they are coming, if they are not coming, and what they do and what they will do. And that's fascinating.
REAL AF with Andy Frisella
836. Andy & DJ CTI: Elon Musk Shuts Down USAID, D.C. Plane Crash & Democrats Mocked
He would come out just to see what the fuck that was.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Jessica's Top 5 Things She'll Miss In Miami (feat. JuJu Gotti)
Why are you being so mean?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Jessica's Top 5 Things She'll Miss In Miami (feat. JuJu Gotti)
As I walk the back alley of Prime 112 with Glizzy in hand, I take a look at myself. Cause I've been lasting podcasting so long that even my Brian thinks that my mind is gone. But I ain't never had a bet with this much purpose. Making a dear friend do indentured service. $700 staking cause I'm banking on the heat. Losing to the Hawks in the playing. I really hate to lose, but I gotta bet.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Jessica's Top 5 Things She'll Miss In Miami (feat. JuJu Gotti)
Against the guy whose kid would wear a chicken on his head.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Jessica's Top 5 Things She'll Miss In Miami (feat. JuJu Gotti)
When I go back home and wanna watch the game I'm streaming and I can't I realize how lucky I've been in my life Been spending most my life living with some gangsters Wi-Fi Been spending most my life living with some gangsters Wi-Fi Been spending most my life living with some gangsters Wi-Fi Been spending most my life living with some Gangsters Wi-Fi.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Jessica's Top 5 Things She'll Miss In Miami (feat. JuJu Gotti)
Thank you.