Tig Notaro
Appearances
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
So he told me that our mutual friend was going to be in town when I was living in Denver. He said, Johnny's band is going to be there. You should go see him. And he hooked me up with the road manager for me to get tickets to Johnny's show. This is some backstory. Yeah. I'll say, I'll say. Oh, there's more. And so I called Johnny's road manager.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
So I called the road manager and I said, Johnny's friend, could I get tickets to the show? And he said, yes. And then at the end of the conversation, he says, now I don't feel comfortable calling you this, but I guess I'll see you tonight, pig. And I said, oh, I said, I actually don't feel comfortable calling you or with you calling me pig either. I said, my name is actually Tig.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And he said, yeah, that's what I said, pig. And I said, no, it's Tig with a T. And he said, tit? And then I just said, yeah, that's right. It's pig tit. I'll see you tonight. Okay. So, anyway, that was my first story.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
We can do it. Are we still rolling? We can do it a few different ways and then just see which.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I don't even, I've known you for 75,000 years. I don't even know your real name. Can we say it?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I don't even know if you'd pronounce it correctly. I know what you think it is.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Oh. Matilde. Well, then what happens to the D? M-A-T-H-I-L-E. C'est Francais?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Matilde. So you don't suggest the D is, no, there's no use of that. That's French Creole. Yes. Yes.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I think it's just French. French. My mother was Mathilde. My grandmother was Mathilde. My grandmother went by Thiel. My mother went by Susie, and I go by Tig.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
He was older than me. He couldn't pronounce Tig, or he couldn't pronounce Mathilde, and somehow he came up with Tig. And his name is Rud.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Wait, I want to know, like, back to the stand-up, and that was a really funny story. Did you know? Thank you. You're welcome. Oh, Jesus. Come on. You don't keep that.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
It's a callback. Sean was it? My first joke was, well, I'll do two because one's not even, one was they say ballet is one of the most difficult things you could do, so just don't do it. That was the first one. And then the second one was. Wait, I'm sorry.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
You're with it. You're on it. You're right on it. Doing ballet is one of the most difficult things you could do, so I say just don't do it. And then the second one was... What was the second part of your speech? Appropriate response. And then the second one was really bad. There's not even a joke.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Now you've got the audience. Guys, he's on a roll. Let him go. And then what?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
What was your closer? My closer was something like, hey, isn't it funny when you see people outside in public call their pet for the first time? Like, you know, hey, Spot, hey, whatever. But like, what if it's like, hey, Mustard, come here. Hey, Ketchup. And it was, there's not even a joke. It's just bad. At 22 years old, I'm like, this is going to kill. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Or just construct a joke about it, which was my question, which was I was getting at, which was like, when you got up and, because you're a very great storyteller and a lot of your comedy comes from things that have happened to you in life.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Did you, you're welcome. Fucking hell. Honest to fucking God. Did you, how did you learn how to craft jokes? like the rhythm of a joke or a story because I got up, the point of me telling you how bad I was, I got up and thought I could just talk. And were you that way when you first started or did you know how to write?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Is Skevo short for anything? No, he is a shorter fellow, but no, his full name is Skev. Do you call him anything for short? What would be short for Skev?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, I thought, and I realized I must be like everybody else that you go watch standup and you think, oh my God, I can do this. Everybody that does standup thinks, oh my God, this is, and you know, there's, I get calls from people that are like, Oh, my friend at work is so funny. He's moving to LA. Can you meet with him? It's like, yeah, everybody in the office is hilarious.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Everybody watching standup thinks they can do it. And it just was, you know, I took the leap like everybody else. And I think my first one did go well. And then I signed up for a competition the second time I did stand up and I bombed so hard. Wow. And the only thing I heard in the audience, aside from silence, was my friend Derek choking to death laughing at me.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And then I ran off stage and we drove back from Orange County back to L.A. But it's just been a process of, you know, of... I mean, I thought I could do it. I have been doing it. And, you know, I started out doing kind of deadpan one-liners and then they kind of got longer and I experimented. I will say... Will, I'm talking.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, I appreciate that. Well, and certainly after I thought I had gotten my bearings in standup, I thought, well, I've got this. And I booked my first gig on the road. And it was like in this comedy club in a strip mall. And I had only done shows in Los Angeles and like kind of hip rooms and whatever. And then now I'm like in the middle of nowhere strip mall.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And I was staying with friends and they let me use their car. But the venue actually will put you up at a condo and they have a car for comedians. And I was like, oh, I don't need the car, but thanks. And this club was called Wits End in Denver. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And I bombed. This is my first road gig. I bomb the entire weekend. And then I hear before the second show on Friday or Saturday, I hear the owner saying, where is our emergency fill-in comedian? And I was thinking, oh, no, what happened to Nancy? Because I was thinking something must have happened to Nancy. I was mortified. I thought she died.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And he was like, has anyone heard from the emergency fill-in comedian? And I'm like, what the hell? And then he walks up to me and gives me my check and fires me. And it was so mortifying. It's again, my first gig on the road. It's the holiday season. I walk out the front door and I'm like, oh no, I forgot my friends were coming that night.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
So my friends are in line to get into the show and they're like, woo, we're so excited. And I was like, I said, oh, I was just fired. My comedy was so bad it caused an emergency. And so they're bringing in a fill-in comedian. Like they couldn't even stomach me for the rest, like that last night. So they said, let's all go meet at the Mercury Cafe. I'm like, okay. I go to get my friend's car.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Please be Miller. His last name is Zambilla? Zambilla? Zamboni. Zambillas. Would you say that you guys are tight?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Spin out of control like in a cartoon. I'm still in the parking lot of Wits End.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Okay. And then the car stops. And I'm, of course, pointed in the wrong direction. I'm mortified. I'm like, I thought for sure I was going to be wrapped around a pole.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And then I start laughing when I realize I lived through it because I immediately thought, what if I had used their car? Their car was a station wagon from the 70s that had clowns painted on it that said, follow me to Wits End Comedy Club. And if I had died in that moment wrapped around a light post.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
You know, I feel like stand-up is like if you're in an abusive relationship and you keep thinking... It was good once. I can get that feeling back, you know? Because the first time I did stand-up, it was... I do think it went well enough. And then the second time, I did not win the $100 in the competition I signed up for.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, you know, I finished my last tour and put out my stand-up special. And my last tour really kind of ran me into the ground. And I'm working in Toronto right now. So this painting behind me is not mine.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
But I've been working on new material when I have nights off here, and that's felt good. But I've had this building need and interest— in doing a one-person show.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, My Big Fat Greek Wedding was a one-woman show that turned into a movie because it was her story. So you mean something like that? Like a Spalding Gray type of thing?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, I mean, my standup is scripted, but I do interact with the audience. Or if an idea comes to me while I'm doing a show, I'll just go with that and just kind of explore it. Because I don't sit down and write my comedy. I write on stage in front of a live audience. So I do it fully, you know, without a net type writing. Okay.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
That's what I'm doing is there's a comedy club, yeah, out here in Toronto, Comedy Bar. And I've been doing shows like, I don't know, two or three nights a week. Wow.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
You got a Comedy Bar car? Yeah. They send you a card that says comedy bar. It says Zamboni. It says Zamboni. Comedy bar. Just for a callback.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
We did. We made this decision last minute to hire him. We couldn't get anyone else in the role. I was the emergency actor.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
That was super fun. I laughed so hard those two days. It was really fun. Is this a project we should plug?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
It came out this year. So thanks for being on top of that, promoting my hard work. You've been such a good friend.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Go ahead, Jason. You know, I want to say something about the stand-up thing, though, because you know what always blows my mind? You want to change the subject from your casting?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
You know what blows my mind? It's like when people get up there and they can just... How can you just talk? Like, how do you have so much material that you don't, because I'm used to memorizing a script, right? And so, but there's nothing, and I know you've written it all, but just to like, if somebody says a topic, you can have the perfectly constructed joke about that thing.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
But it's not all perfectly constructed. It's that I just try to leave my mind open outside of what I've already written or thought about. And then if something crosses my mind or somebody in the audience says something, I allow myself to go with that.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And explore and find what's funny about that. And now that you've had all of this tremendous success over the years, do people come up to you all the time and say, and say, hey, I'm such a fan, can you just do, can you say that funny thing? Or like, do they try to prompt you to perform for them?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I would say the most common thing I get is that, no, no, people don't do that. But I did this like 15-minute bit about running into the pop star Taylor Dayne. I did this story years ago, and I did it on This American Life. I ran into her so many times. And the first time I ran into her, I genuinely said, excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you. I just have to tell you I love your voice.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And she was rude to me. And she said, yeah, I don't do that anymore. And then turned and kept talking to somebody. And then I kept running into her. And every time I saw her, I was like, oh, my God, I'm going to go up and say the exact same thing I said to her at that party.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Just for my sister, Taylor Day was a big 80s pop star. Okay. Just in case people don't know who Taylor is.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
You don't know Taylor? Tell it to my heart. Tell it to my heart. Love will lead me back.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
So I see her out to dinner. I see her at cafes. I see her everywhere. And I just walk up and I interrupted her every time and would say, hi, excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you. I just have to tell you, I love your voice. I love your voice. Yeah. Every time. She's like, who the fuck are you? It became this experiment that I was doing.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
No, no. She never registered. Never did. No way. Yeah. But anyway. Did she die? It's really funny. Huh?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
No, she's alive. And then we actually became friendly because of this because word got out that, you know, I was doing this story and then whatever. And I did this on This American Life. They did the story and then invited Taylor Dayne to that performance. And so I met her there. No way.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
it's you know 20 minutes and it's detrimental there is no alternative why don't they get two out there they do they generally do pro games they do yeah maybe they need three they might need three i don't know i was you know um oh wait sean's got something on this yep well michelle pfeiffer's character's name in greece too was stephanie zanoni i always thought it was zamboni
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
But anyway, people come up to me all the time and say, excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but I just have to tell you, I love your voice. That's amazing.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Party bits, sure. Party bits. Actually, you know what a bit that I did on radio, morning radio, when I first started doing stand-up, I'd have to go at six in the morning to, you know, some like Fargo or something to do to promote my show. And I would always ask the radio host to please... like as soon as I come on the show, please talk about how gorgeous I am.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And just like, just like go on and on. Like Howard Stern and certain people, just like you are beautiful. I mean, look at you. And because I thought, oh, maybe that'll get people to the show, but also it really made me laugh to think of people showing up to see, this is years ago, and just seeing a disheveled monotone lesbian on stage, you know, talking about my cats.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I feel like you really liked this one, but my friend Henry Phillips, who is one of the funniest comedians, please look him up and watch everything he does. He's so funny.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And he has a couple of movies out, Punching Henry, Punching the Clown. I'm in one of the movies. But anyway, he and I do so many bits together.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
He's so good. And I used to live in Venice in California. And he was like, hey, I'm at a party near your house. He was like, I don't know any of these people. He was like, you got to come do some bits with me. And I was like, yeah, sure, I'll head over.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
So I go meet him. And we're just loose at this party doing all these different bits that are truly for our own amusement, which is what I do things for. And if people catch on or they enjoy it too, that's fine. But I love looking foolish. So I go in. I don't know anybody at this party except Henry. I go into the kitchen.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
There's like five people standing around, you know, leaning against the kitchen counter, having a drink, chatting. And it's a Saturday night, maybe 9.30. And I lean in and I just tap the wall and I go, hey, guys, I'm going to be going to bed in like 10 minutes. I have no idea if the owner of the house is in there. Tap the wall. I have no idea if the host is in the kitchen.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I don't know who those people are. And then I go find Henry and I'm dying laughing. And I was like, oh my God, I just told five people in the kitchen I was going to bed in 10 minutes. And he's like, oh my God. He said, there's like 200 people in the backyard. You have to go out on the deck and announce that. So I was like, no problem.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And this is years ago before I was like on TV regularly and whatever. And I walk out on the back deck. Everyone's holding their solo cups and whatever. And I'm like, hey, everybody, just so you know, I'm going to be going to bed in like 10 minutes. And... And to me, I'm like, you know, I am, for all you know, I could be going home and going to bed in 10 minutes. That doesn't mean I own the house.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I remember one time you texted me to, you said, I'm about to drive by your house. I want you to stand outside and look on your phone, but don't look at me. Yeah. as I drive by. And so I was like, okay, I'll do it. And I stood by and I couldn't look up and you drove by and you said, hey, Sean, hey, Sean. And I didn't look up. That was the bit. I had a beat buried in my phone.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Tig, what about the kids? You now have, with your wife Stephanie, you have two little, the cutest boys ever.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
They are eight. They will be eight and a half this month. And huge into golf these days. Truly? They are so into golf. Come on. They're so into baseball, basketball. They're on some team. But yes, Sean, they have a sense of humor. My son, Max, I think that... Well, I tell everyone he's bone dry and we don't know where he got that. Sure, sure.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I was really into Stephen Wright. I also really loved Paula Poundstone. I thought she was so great at... writing jokes, telling stories, and also interacting with the audience. I felt like she could do everything and still feel that way.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
But yeah, my kids, they're like little, a friend of ours described them as like little Midwestern uncles because they're just, they have like a certain maturity about them. And my son, Max, one of my favorite things that he said when he was four,
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Stephanie and I were sitting on the couch with Max, Finn, her dad, and our three cats, and Max got up when he was four, just got off the couch, and he said, I'm getting the hell out of here. All these damn cats walked out of the room. I was like, I like your style, kid.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
No, I've had dogs. I've had a couple of dogs in my life, but we call our house Kitty City.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I mean, but I do love an excited dog that's just like about to have a stroke. They're so excited to see you.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
She's so funny and she's in love with Will. I'm in love with Jason and we don't know where Sean fits into this equation. Sean was with the kiddies.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Yeah, and I was deathly ill. I didn't know I had three deadly diseases at one time. And then I collapsed, went away, and dealt with... Wait, was this the cancer? It was cancer, pneumonia, and this intestinal disease called C. diff. I had it all three at once. Christ. So I go away. And I was in a relationship. Stephanie had never dated a woman.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
We really enjoyed each other on set, but I wasn't thinking I was into her romantically, and she wasn't thinking that about me. So I collapse, I go away. Six months later, I resurface in the world, and the movie's going to Sundance, and we exchange numbers, and... I told her, I said, you know, I'm not the biggest texter.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And I told her about this girl that texted me incessantly after coffee and that she texted that night, she said, sweet dreams, the girl I had gone out with. And not that I thought Stephanie was into me, but I was just giving her the example that I'm not... Great at this. And that night, Stephanie texted me sweet dreams. And I was like, oh, that is hilarious.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And then we start texting and it's kind of building. And I'm thinking, oh, I'm really into her. And she had invited me. I was writing my book at the time. She invited me to come meet her and her friends at La Pubelle in Los Angeles. And I thought, oh my God, it's 11 o'clock. I haven't showered. I'm wearing this big wool, Canadian wool sweater with an eagle on my back. I can't go meet her.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And then I thought, oh, well, she's not even into me. So who cares what I look like? And it happened to be Valentine's Day. And so she's sitting at this table.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I love that I was described to a T and Sean's still like, who could this possibly be?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
But truly, she wasn't into women. And so she's at this table with friends. I walk into the bar. She is wearing a dark blue Canadian wool sweater with an eagle on her back.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And I was like, this is insane. I said, let's switch sweaters. So we switch sweaters. And her friend says, get together so I can take a picture of you. We go to hug each other, and we start making out immediately when we touch each other. Nice. Wow.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
So we end up making out that night, and then she writes me a five-million-page email the next day, I get it, that's telling me how much she loves hanging out with me, how funny she thinks I am, she's not gay, but that she wants to be friends. I can't tell you how long this email was. I'm reading this going, ah. Because I realized I do like her, you know? Yeah, yeah.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And then she said when she got that response, she just thought, okay, I like this person. Yeah, that's great.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
So I didn't know that she had, that OK, I didn't know OK Dyke made the impression that it did. I just thought I need to be lighthearted, let this go and just see her as a friend down the road. But I knew it was going to take me a beat. So I told her, I said, I get it.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
You know, like when we talked again, I said, I just need some space and then I'll be able to see you as a friend and everything's fine. And so I went to Montreal and, And was doing shows there. And she reached out to me like a few weeks later. And she said, I'd like to see you when you get home. And I said to my friend who was there with me, and I was like, why does she want it?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And he was like, because she likes you. And I was like, no, no, no, I know. But she told me she doesn't want it. He was like, what do you think? She's like, oh, I want to see you again so I can tell you for sure I don't like you. And I was like, I don't know, maybe. And then she came over.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Yeah, I just didn't know what to think. But I got back to L.A. and she came over. And she's just a very... She's a very confident, comfortable person. And she's very straightforward. And it's what I realized I'm so into about her. And so she sat down on my couch and she just turned to me and said, I realized that I want to be with you. And I was like, oh, okay. What do you mean?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And she said, like, I want to be with you. I don't want to, I'm not saying I want to see how it goes or check things out. I want to be with you. And I was like, what?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I was so, I was so- You still had the eagle jacket on or? You still hadn't showered?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Oh, it just started today. I'm surprised you noticed. No way has it grown out.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I love her so much, and I love you so much. And I remember one time you were doing your live show and you wanted me as a guest, and it was at the— Largo. Largo, at Largo. And so we had such a good time and we laughed really hard. And then the next day, literally the next day.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I go, yeah, the next morning I go to Le Pan, this restaurant on Larchmont. And you walk in and we both had the exact same outfit on that we had, that we were on stage in.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
no way yeah we both slept in those clothes and then woke up thinking well it's early I just want an egg I want a couple eggs and I'm gonna go home and shower and change across the city no one from the show is gonna be there yeah do you remember that
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
except we live close to each other and dress alike. Yes, exactly. Oh, and you know what I have to say? Also, Stephanie directed my latest stand-up special. Oh, no way. And was nominated for an Emmy, and so was the editor, and so was everyone else except me. I was the problem.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I just started growing it out today. I woke up and I was like, you know what? I'm going to grow my hair out. And I can't believe you noticed.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
But I do have, I mean, close to lesbians. Well, it's across the spectrum. But my podcast, Handsome, is right here on planet Earth. It's like my fourth podcast. I don't know if you know. I've been podcasting for a long time, you guys.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I really enjoy podcasting. Oh my gosh, yeah. I was so baffled by it in the early days. I think I started in like, I don't know, 2006 or something. I have no idea. But I do enjoy it. It's such a different way to be comedic and tell stories.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
In the comfort of an air-conditioned or heated furnished apartment in Toronto.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Wait, how can I naturally mention, because I wanted to naturally mention something and I didn't naturally mention it.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Thank you for asking, Will. Of course. I have been working on a documentary, and I had called – They're incredible filmmakers. They did the Pamela documentary and the Dr. Ruth documentary, Serena Williams, all this. But I was like, I can't sell you on this person. You have to do a deep dive, not even that deep on Andrea Gibson. And they called me three days later and they were like, we're in.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And they got on a plane, flew to Boulder, Colorado and started filming. When does it come out? Well, it's going to be at Sundance. Sundance, okay.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
In January. But Andrea is a brilliant poet, just a brilliant poet, mind-blowing.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I believe right now it's Come See Me in the Good Light. Come See Me in the Good Light.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, I had a stepfather that raised me. Okay. And in fact, not only is he dead, but... He's not coming back. He has no way back to town. A couple of years ago when he died and we were having his funeral in Mississippi, it was an outdoor burial. And we were talking to the priest was saying, how do you want to do this? It's more casual outside. I said, well, I was going to say something.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, I mean, that's the last I've heard. That's the working title is Come See Me in the Good Light. But it's a phenomenal documentary about a phenomenal person.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And all of my love to your families. And I'll see you at Sunday Funday anytime I'm home.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Yep. That was such a funny story about her name. Good chord. About the pig teeth.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
How great is Tig? Tig, we've known for, I've known Tig for a long, long, long, long time. She's always been so funny and so unique. Like there's nobody like her.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Oh my God, I would too. I would love, when is she going to come down here? I want to talk to her.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
All I had was Michael Jackson posters everywhere. Did you really? When I was a kid. And my favorite one was probably Biley Jean. Oh, my God. Biley.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And my brother said, well, I'll go first. I'll just say something really quick. And he walks up and he fell into a grave.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
It is very true. And my entire family is sitting there, and you see everyone just go, oh, shit. And my brother, and there's like this tarp over the hole, and you just see my brother slowly, like it caught him a little bit, but he's slowly going down.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
No, the place messed up. They were supposed to put plywood over it. And you see the people from the...
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
I love that the lawsuit says the place messed up. We're suing you because you messed up.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, we were like, oh my gosh, trying to help him out. He's like, no, no, no, I'm okay. And he's pulling himself out like the night of the living dead, like with his dirty suit, just grabbing dirt everywhere. And grass trying to pull himself out of the hole. Like, he was not going to let anybody pull him out.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
No, that was like a dream come true. That wasn't a nightmare. That was like, oh my God. I couldn't believe my stepfather did not get to see that happen. Right.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, and immediately I thought, oh my God, this must happen all the time. And then I was like, wait, this can't happen all the time. In Mississippi is the end of that.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And people ask, they're like, oh, how come, what's it with, you know, all of these... stories from the south and mississippi and i'm like i have no idea but i truly just show up look around and head home with stories like that i really what was that what about is that did you was army of the dead about zombies
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Did you do a rinse this morning? No, I got a haircut yesterday, and I didn't color it.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Ooh, good transition. Army of the Dead, I did do Army of the Dead, yeah. In fact, I did it on green screen.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, I've done some green screen acting. Clearly read for it. I've done some green screen acting.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Yeah. Yeah. I had to, I flew the escape, like the helicopter to- Get in. Yeah. I've got to take off. Yeah. And I had to do, that's not my typical, you know, acting role where I'm yelling things and fighting things and had to do it all on green screen.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And just literally like three feet away is craft service. Just three feet away.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Yeah, through every scene you see me grabbing a donut and it's all on camera.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Hey, guys. Welcome to the show today. I hope you're feeling really good. I got a hat on. You guys don't. Are you jealous of my hat?
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
No, no. In fact, they barely put any makeup on me, I think because they really want to- What if they just put jobs of lipstick and like really- Big eyelashes.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
It is a little lighter than normal, and I don't like it, so I'm going to color it a little bit.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
No, no, no, no, no. See, I'm still dabbling as a lesbian, so I'm playing actual drums. Once you cross over, then you start doing drum circles. Yeah. I've been dabbling for decades, not sold on it. But yeah, I was too shy to perform. I tried and it was nerve wracking. And so my first girlfriend played in a band. And so I just started booking the band and working in music.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Like we went on tour in a van. You mean like that? Yeah. Like when we were touring? Yeah, we were in a van. One time we actually rented a friend of ours, Bronco, and while we were on tour, the hood – flew up and like bent in half. Wow.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
And so if the top goes off, why can't you see? Because there's still a windshield.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Yes. Well, the... What happened? I moved my very good friends that I grew up with that are still very close to me. We moved from Denver. We were living in Denver at the time. And we moved from Denver to LA and they moved there to pursue...
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
tv and film and i was newly out of a relationship and i was like well i guess i'll just go with you and so i went and then when i got there i saw in the la weekly all of the different opportunities to do stand-up which had been my top secret dream oh how about that even though you were shy Even though I was shy. And so I spent the first two weeks going to every open mic I could possibly go to.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Well, somebody had canceled at the show that I was watching and I asked the person, which is so, I should dig this footage up. I have footage of myself talking into a flashlight in a mirror, working out material in my studio apartment.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
For those two weeks. Amazing. And so I was practicing in the mirror in my flashlight.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
All you had to do was flip it on and you could tell ghost stories right after.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Exactly. Amazing. And so I had all of this stuff worked out over those two weeks that I had been living in L.A. And then I asked the person, I was like, hey, can I go on stage? And she was like, sure. And so I did. And when I say it went well, if you showed me the footage now...
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Okay, the very first thing is a true story. My friend, who I rented the Bronco from... Yeah, who's mad at you because of the... Returned it without a hood, yeah. We moved beyond that. We got the car fixed and remained friends. So my friend, his name was Ro. Hey, Ro. Well, he passed away, sadly.
SmartLess
"Tig Notaro"
Anyway... Ro called me and told me our mutual friend, Johnny, was going to be in Denver.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
It's what? It's really cool. Oh, you didn't even need that extra comment from you. I'm sorry. I should have kept that. Go ahead.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
You said, I think I realized I was actually gay a few years ago after we were married and after we had kids. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Yeah. And it's a scary place. It's tricky because you're already married. And so it's done. I mean, I remember in an early interview, I said on the record, the words, Abby is my sexuality. That's written down. Yeah. I was having this conversation with a friend and she was like, so were you gay before? What the hell, Glennon? She's known me forever. And I said, well, I don't know.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
We can't talk like that. We don't talk like that. This is the first time we've talked like that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
I mean, Stephanie said, and then I closed the door early. And so I never, ever got to discover what was behind it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Like what? Give me an example. Because same.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Same. I was like, I need to know. I want to be like all gay and everything. But I also need to know who's getting the fucking bugs because it's not going to be me. And I'm not carrying the trash out. I need some I need some heteronormativity in my lesbian relationship. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
You're starting to Tawanda?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
She slams the car into this jackass who's just parked wrong. Tawanda! She just like, she releases her, she shows up for her life and she's pissed off.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
And how do people react to your Tawanding? Because I always feel that the after moment is what's it's not even the Tawanding that's hard. That feels good. Then it's waiting for other people's reaction to you to one thing that makes you be like, oh, never mind. No worries.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
So how do you feel about Tawanda Tig?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things. This is a really exciting day because we have a double date happening today. So exciting. And that double date is with Stephanie Allen and Tig Notaro. For real, that's happening. Stephanie is a writer, actor, producer, and director. Her acting credits include The L Word, Generation Q, One Mississippi, Room 104, Dream Corps, LLC, Love and Twin Peaks.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
So grateful for the opportunity.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
We think it's because I lived my whole life as a straight, white, Christian, middle-class. Like I was like the most entitled of the entitled my whole life. I just got to a marginalized group. So when people mistreat me, I'm like, what the fuck? Like, I'm like, we call me Queerin. Because it's like. The Queer Karen. But really, like, she. Oh, my God.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
But it's been interesting because she felt bad about it for a while. Because she was like, why are you always the one that speaks up? Right. But it's because she was in these situations for her whole life when the risk was much higher. So that Tawanding, I think, comes because I had. I'm. Was more used to being entitled.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
It's so freeing when somebody else does it. Yeah. You're like, oh, I can do that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
She also starred in the Sundance hits People, Places, Things and Lake Bells in a World. Lots happened because of that one. Stephanie is currently set to write and direct the feature film Time and Space that will star Tig Notaro. Well, I wonder how she got that role. She will produce alongside Notaro and Judd Apatow. Tig Notaro is an Emmy and Grammy-nominated stand-up comedian, writer, and actor.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
What's an example for each of you of something you've discovered that is, I don't want that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Yes. Queer is like, they give you a menu and instead of choosing, you just return the menu. Yeah. I'll have everything. Yeah, you're just like, I defer choice. I think about that all the time in terms of faith, all of it. Like, queer faith, queer gender, queer art, queer relationships, all of it. So good. Yeah. What about you, Tig? What do you not want?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Rolling Stone named her one of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time. Notaro appears in Army of the Dead and Star Trek Discovery. And Star Trek Discovery, lots of different like otherworldly things going on. Well, she is otherworldly. Yeah, yes. Wrote and starred in the groundbreaking TV show One Mississippi and recently released her second HBO standup special, Tig Notaro Drawn.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
I feel all of that. Queer, comfortable, safe. Glennon, what don't you want? Yeah, what do you guys not want? Well, I mean, I think I have found, you know, we go to some, we'll go to like a get together with people and they're all talking about like climbing this hamster wheel more, more, more.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
I don't want to have a life where I'm constantly thinking that happiness or success is like one great project or deal or connection away. I'm obsessed right now with figuring out like what is enough and not, and just stopping. There's this frantic climb to nowhere and
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
It would be one thing if you could see anything that looked like joy or peace or happiness on that side, because I am always looking for that, you know, like a particular table we were at recently and everybody was just talking about what's next and what's bigger and who's doing what. I said, well, how do you know when you've done it? How do you know when you've done the thing?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
And then also, are you happy? And it was like, well, we're not talking about that. Right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Co-directed with wife Stephanie, the feature film, Am I Okay? She hosts the advice podcast, Don't Ask Tig, I've been on that and co-host the documentary film podcast, taken Cheryl true story and taken Stephanie live in LA with their sons, Max and Finn and their cat fluff.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Nothing matters?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
But nothing matters, Glennon.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
But if the risk works out, just remember.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Nothing matters. Yeah. Actually, that's quite freeing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Nothing matters.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
No, it's for sure going to be Tawande.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
No. No, we'll talk to the dogs.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
How old are your babies now? You have two little boys, right? Twins, six-year-olds. They're six already. Yeah, they just turned six. What is that like and what's the best thing and what's the worst thing and how has it changed things?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Oh, I hope she calls in and tells us. What do you guys fight about?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Because it feels like you guys, I mean, do you have arguments?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
And it was like, so grown up.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
That's so good. We should really try that. Because it feels like you're on a roller coaster. It's like... Yeah. But there's nothing you can do. You're there for the whole damn ride.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Okay. And their names are?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Oh, my God. Okay. This is brilliant, though, because we've only focused on the things to get us out of it. Yeah. But we haven't focused on the then coming back. Because if you only focus on it, your whole life would have to turn into a musical if you never talk about the thing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
I think that would help for you. I do, too, because it's not about the thing. It's about panic. It's about like abandonment. It's a connection.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Yes, you are. And then I have to lie. Yeah. She's never sorry. I'm like, do you actually feel sorry? I'll say, I'm sorry. And she'll go, do you feel sorry? And I'm like, well, we're lying anyway. Do you want me to actually tell you that I feel sorry?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Could have been no. Could have been hell no.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
I love it. I feel like we've been talking for four minutes. I know. I feel like we didn't get through. We didn't, we didn't, we have, we have 18 more questions that we want to talk about. We love you too. We love you guys. I'm just so grateful to have met you and I would love to meet your little boys sometime. Um, Well, that's not possible, but thank you. Jesus Christ, Glennon.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Well, we're so excited. Really, really grateful for this double date.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
You walked right into it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Well, just real quick, you know, you have to go, but how do you figure out what you're going to care about? I mean, I'm just going to say this to the pod squad. Tig and Stephanie just gave a shit ton of money. I don't know if I'm allowed to say it, but like, because I know you weren't saying it because of that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
No, no, no. We do. We talk about that. Yeah, that was a great hour together.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
I mean, yeah, we have to because there's so many heartbreaking things constantly going on in the world. So you do kind of have to figure out what's breaking the world's heart and go towards certain things. You gave all the proceeds to the New York City Beacon Theater event to the suffering in Ukraine through Together Rising.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
So how do you two figure out with all – because people are asking us this all the time. Like with all the heartbreaking things in the world, it's just easy to shut down and do nothing because you can't do it all. So how do you decide?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
I think we're at $40 million. It's incredible. Because that's what matters. All these people that have a little bit. Right. And we tend to think that change is for people who have a lot. And that's not actually ever been true in the history of the world. Right. You all are magic.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Love to the boys. Love to the three cats. Same to you. And just good luck with everything. We just love you. We love who you are in the world. And to all the rest of you people listening, we will see you next time on We Can Do Hard Things.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Bye. Bye. If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us if you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things? Following the pod helps you because you'll never miss an episode and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts, and then just tap the plus sign in the upper right-hand corner or click on follow. This is the most important thing for the pod.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
While you're there, if you'd be willing to give us a five-star rating and review and share an episode you loved with a friend, we would be so grateful. We appreciate you very much. We Can Do Hard Things is created and hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Our executive producer is Jenna Wise-Berman, and the show is produced by Lauren LaGrasso, Alison Schott, Dina Kleiner, and Bill Schultz.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Yeah, so do I. I will tell you that sometimes I don't know exactly. Whether what you're saying is real or funny, because before we jumped on, my sister was on and we were laughing so hard because two years ago, Tig and I were emailing back and forth about to plan this freaking double date. Okay. Two years ago. Okay.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
I tried to schedule and then you emailed back and the email started with Jesus Christ, Glennon. This double date attempt has turned into a real full-blown pandemic nightmare at this point. However, we are reading it. Yes, I found it. However, we are around for rescheduling. I must warn you, though, I will be starring in a major motion zombie flick.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
After that, it's highly likely I will become too big of a deal for these types of friendships. OK, I was like, I don't know if she's serious. I called my sister. I was like, is she hilarious or mean? Yeah. And I knew you were hilarious, but I didn't know if you were hilarious and also mean.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
So I crafted an email back to you that could have worked either way, whether you were joking or whether you really were mad at me. And does this happen? Does this happen to you ever?
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Thou doth protest too much, Stephanie. Well, I know that Tig gets bored with the whole sexuality conversation. I've heard you say that that's boring, but it's not boring to me because I'm brand new here. So I want to hear this story. Where did I say that? That was probably a joke. Somewhere. I read it. You just said you think it's boring. I don't know if you're serious or not, Tig.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Yep. Abby feels the same way.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Well, you know when people are like new to AA or new to CrossFit or new to like veganism and they can't stop talking about it? Like this is, we're new.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
If you let me ask a question about sexuality, then I will listen to you talk about plants. Yeah. Okay. Okay. This is how friendship works. It's a give and take. That's it. Stephanie. Yes. What the hell? So you're straight and you really believe you're straight your whole life. Let me interrupt here.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
The two gayest. I did notice that part of the documentary, the basketball. I did even notice that. Even my gaydar was on. I have the worst gaydar on earth because I didn't even know him myself.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Go team. Yeah, that was impressive. Did you feel like you were, because I've heard or read you say that you didn't feel like you were hiding something from yourself.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Do you wish that you had figured it out early so that you could have been dating women that whole time? Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Find Your Towanda with Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne (Best Of)
Well, this is good that we're working this out in real time. So were you, Tig, worried that she would... Because Abby's friends all told her, do not get serious with this woman. She's just going to pretend she's gay for a minute, and then she's going to go back to men.