Tiffany Aliche
Appearances
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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I want you to think about a budget the way to what I say is like how you think about like your mom, right? So you've got three kids, right? Yeah. And so if like, say your son's like, oh, when he's little, mom, can I have dessert? You'd say yes after you have dinner. Or if your daughter says, mom, can I go outside to play? Yes. When you do your homework or, you know, mom, can we go on vacation?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Yes. If we lower this, this, you know, the light bill. So your budget is like your mom. She's there to say yes. when, if, after. So it's really a say yes plan, but one that's safely implemented so you can maintain the thing that you want, right? So you can call it a money list. That's what I usually start with because people hate that name.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
What does a money list mean?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Yes. It's not there actually to tell me no. It's there to find the yes in the safest way possible.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
I don't know what my budget should be. Like, where do you begin? Step one is to write everything down. Just the words of what do I spend money on? Don't think about the month, just in general. So it's like, oh, the kids, oh, credit card, oh, grooming, going out. Like just, I want you to just write the words. Don't think about the money, just words. So that's the first part. Step one. Yes.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Then step two is now you say, these words on my money list, how much am I spending approximately monthly? Some stuff you'll know, like your mortgage or your rent. Some stuff you might not be sure. Go pull out your bank statement and see on average the last few months how much you're spending on groceries or eating out or grooming. Or electricity or water.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
or any of those things that you don't even really think, oh my God, I got that bill. Exactly. So then that's within a month frame on average, right? So that's step two. Then step three is to write down how much you make on average every month from all of your areas. So maybe you get alimony, maybe you get child support, maybe you have a job, whatever that is, how much are you making monthly?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Then you add up, step four, you add up how much you're spending monthly and subtract it from how much you're making monthly. I call that the tears and tissue step. Cause usually people get there and they're like, can I have a tissue? And should you do this with a friend? Yes. Should we call Linda? Yes. Get yourself a Linda.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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So, so literally, so I, when I used to do one-on-ones, we would do all that and people would be like, okay. And then I would literally just grab a box of tissues and just put it here. Cause I'm like, it's about the waterworks. They added up. I remember it was a nurse. I'll never forget. I'll call her B. And I came to her house and it was beautiful condo.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And so we did that step and she started crying and she was just like, I didn't realize how much over I was spending. And she said, as a matter of fact, I can't even afford the air conditioning that's on Can I turn it off? And I was like, yes. So we sat with the fan on because she just turned on the air conditioner because I was coming over. So I was like, turn off the AC. A fan is fine.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
That tears and tissue step allows you to see what do you need to do now. And so. Let's say you've done that, right?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
What is the next step? The next step is I want you to categorize your expenses before you get to slash and dash, you know, because that's what people want to do. I won't eat out. I won't. Yeah, I'm never going to eat again.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
So I'm like categorize your expenses into three categories. One, I want you to write a B next to all the bills on your list. So bills are if you don't pay it, someone's going to come knocking on your door and say, where's my money? Right. Yeah. So put a B next to all those things.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Yes. Mortgage is a bill. Rent, car note, student loans. So if you don't pay, you're likely to be sued. Think about that. Gotcha.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Yes. That's a bill. Mm-hmm. So a B next to all your bills. And then, and those are really like fixed expenses. So that way you understand, right? And then I want you to put a U in front of any beam that fluctuates based upon your usage. Oh, I love that. So I call these like the U stands for usage or utility.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
So your usage. Yes.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Yes. And so it's important to separate those two because I want you to, you'll see that I want you to understand the level of control you have on these expenses. And whatever is not a B or UB, everything else is a C. C stands for cash or choice, meaning that you have full choice of how you spend here. So grooming might be left over. Groceries might be left over. How much eating out with friends.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Yes. Yes. And so entertainment. And so now before you get to slashing, I want you to ask yourself, where's most of your money going? For many people, most of their money might be going to the B's and UB's. But for some people, it's actually all the C's. So then we have to identify, do you have a don't make enough issue or spend too much issue?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And so if most of your money is going to the B's and UB's, you might not make enough. So it's not about slashing because these are your bills. But if most of your money is going to your C's, your choices and your cash expenses, then you probably have a spend too much issue. So now we need to slash. Because it's entertainment and grocery and all those things where your money is going.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Because what I find is that frugal people want to get more frugal when things are tight. I'm like, that's not the answer. That instead, I want you to put your energy to learning how to earn more if all of your money is going to your bills. Because we're cutting the mortgage. What are we cutting? That's true.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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a spike in this? Absolutely. Overconsumption is the new way. We all have so much that we don't need. I mean, even I, sometimes I'm like, Tiffany, you do not need like another, like you don't even vacuum. I'm like, but that one is so cool. And I'm like, there's this influencer who I follow, who I love her, because it's so aesthetically pleasing.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
But you know the ones that were like, everything in the kitchen is aesthetically pleasing? Yes, this is these Amazon shops, so that I can click through to my Amazon thing. I got this all for free, but I'm gonna make money on you buying it. A container for the container. It's like, well, who wants to eat cereal out of a cereal box? We want to eat it out of an aesthetically pleasing glass container.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Do I need an aesthetically pleasing? You don't. So it is really hard. So that's why I don't believe in leaning so heavily on discipline when it comes to financial stick-to-it-ness. What do you believe in? That I believe automation, automation, automation. That's the new discipline. That if we can put systems and automations in place, it will help to safeguard you because you're human.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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So we're not here to fight against your humanness. You know, I'm like for budgeting, for example, I do this thing where I call it budget without a budget. You go to HR, you say, hey, HR or payroll, I want to split my money before I get my money.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Do you have a particular percentage in mind? Well, the good thing is people ask me that all the time. I'm like, well, we don't have to guess. Money list is right there saying, oh, hello. We know how much you need to put in here.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And I did not see this coming. Well, I don't know if you know this Mel, but two and a half years ago, my husband passed away suddenly. I did not know that. From an aneurysm. That sucks. And so one thing I learned from that, aside from the financial component, which is that we did, I wanna say 85 to 90% of the things right. So I get to just miss him.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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There's not the financial ruin that so many, so many women lose their, partner and their home. That has not been the case for me. But what I did, what my therapist calls the gift of grief is that it gave me perspective of what's really important. You know, like that all of this that you're learning today is not for money's sake. is for meaning's sake.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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I hope you remember to put that first and center that. What is the real thing that you're wanting? To what end? Time with family, time with friends, purpose, whatever that is, to center that and to use the money to match to it. Because you might already have enough. I didn't know I had enough. I was like the driver, like, oh babe, we could do this. And he'd be like, well, I like our house.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Oh, we could get this car if I work even harder. And he's like, well, the car's paid off. I like our car. His thing was always, because I have a stepdaughter, Alyssa, he would always be like, well, if Alyssa's good and you're good, I'm good. And it took for him passing away to make me realize that it's enough. I have enough. I spend way more time with family and friends now.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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So all that I work toward is to just bring back to center, to enough. I don't need to collect any more... You know, I'm so happy my book made the New York Times bestsellers list. But honestly, like, what does that even mean? You know, we're here for a flash in the pan. And how will you spend that time? And I hope you spend it like on the things that mean the most. Connectedness, love, purpose.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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And they use your money as one of the tools to help you achieve that life.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
It sounds like he taught you something that he could not teach you when he was still here. So much, honestly. Like I look back and I'm just like, I mean, candidly, I said this with so many women who are looking for partnership. My husband never made over $60,000 a year. And yet the way he looked after like all of us, I mean, he called my parents more than I did, you know?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Like, he would, like, cut my nephew's hair. When he passed away, there was a little old lady down the street who I'd never met who knocked on my door and said, I heard the gentleman here passed away. And I said, yes. She said, you know, I'll really miss him. He used to rake my lawn. And I didn't even know that. But that's how he was, you know?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Sometimes I think that we think more money, like, means that we can do more. But he was testament that that's, you don't need, you can show up fully. So I just... Yeah. He just, I just, it's a lot. The loss is great, but not just mine. You know what I mean?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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And so like, I'm just so blessed to have experienced that kind of love. I was loved so, so, so well that even without him being here, that love still resonates like through me and around me and the people that he touched. So just really fortunate.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Yeah. Because there's so much joy to be had, even if you don't have enough for your basic needs. Obviously, that's really hard. But for many people, that's actually not the case. That we are making ourselves sick and unhappy from a place of like, you actually have enough. And your kids are right here. They want to play with you. You actually have enough.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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And your wife wants to watch a movie with you. Your parents want to see you. You actually have enough. And it's not going to be until they're gone that you're like, I wish I would have, you know? Yeah. And so like, I'm fortunate that I, something in me, I mean, I believe in a divine power. And a year and a half before Jarrell passed away, it was like this sense that came over me.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Like, you need to spend a lot of time with your husband. Like, he wasn't sick or anything like that. I just was like, because I just was working so much. I mean, my business had hit eight figures in a year. And I was like, oh, wow. And then somebody was like, yeah, I'm making a lot, but also it's taking a toll. And it was like, I think you need to slow down and like focus here.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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And so I did till the last year and a half of our marriage went from good to great. And I'm so grateful that I listened to that inner thing that said Tiffany. So we had like Friday date nights. I didn't work on Fridays and I would stop working at five because he got off at five so we can hang out after work. I wasn't doing that before. I used to work. from like 7 to 10 every day regardless.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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And so I look back at the time and I'm so grateful, you know, that like he always loved me well and I got to really love him well in that time, you know? And so there's not much I regret other than I just wish she was here, obviously. You know, but I think about our love. I think about all the things that we did together. That's beautiful. You know, so yeah, but it's just... Yeah. I'm sorry.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Why are you apologizing? No, because I just don't want to bring the energy down. You didn't.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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Oh, my gosh. You ever see, like, what is that movie? Friday? No, what is it? Is it called Friday? No, it's the movie with Regina George. Oh, my God. I have, like, the worst, like, old lady memory. They're like, get in, loser. We're going to the mall. That's great. I can't remember. Of course, I would. Yes, but we're not going to the mall. Yes, yes. Because we're not spending money.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
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It's like, get in, loser. Yes, get in, loser. Yes.