Tefi Pessoa

every time i see eric by the way he always wears that fuck ass i love latina shirt what's wrong with that i love latina i love latina the worst part is i got it in spain cut that out collective

You were given Lily Rose Depp and Nosferatu. Yes. Yes.

Oh, yeah.

We need to talk about your type because it's getting scary.

Girls go diabolical on me.

lunatics and it's because they're more they're just a little bit yeah more interesting than her they're matching her vibe yeah crazy for freak yeah if you if she had someone bland yeah you would just run right over no let's like there's no way that's why i said let's split the difference although i did meet you when you were with that really boring guy remember you had pink hair and then oh i'm not allowed to talk about that

Yeah, he was boring.

Oh, he like said five words.

Oh.

I should make one. You should.

No, like when me and Ruben started talking, I would like call, I would be like having panic attacks. He then texts me for like four hours. I called my friend Jen.

No, literally. And she'd be like, it's good. And I would like lie. I'm like, it's about work. Like it's my job. It's getting to me. And she's like, you're going to survive.

No, this is when I had a job. I got a real job. I was like a real member of society. Yeah, this is before we were jesters on the internet. She was like talking me off the ledge. And I'm like, then he'd text me back. I'm like, I'm good, girl. You're actually having a great day today. I think I'm going to go to the gym. One time before, though, I think this guy, he was so into me.

That is so funny.

You know when someone's like, not love bombing you, but they just want your attention so bad.

I'm just like, you're eating it up. It's like the best thing ever. And then I knew he liked me. And I was just like, hmm, I don't know. But I like the attention. And he texted me like, I missed you so much today. And then I was just not feeling it. So I said, I missed you too, girl. No, no, no. I said, I missed you too, Miss Girl. Like, Miss Girl. Me too, diva. He called me on the phone.

He said, that hurt my feelings. No, literally. He called me on the phone. He's like, that hurt my feelings.

I was like, Miss Girl, it's okay.

No, literally. I was like, diva, we're good. I was really trying to like...

daughter it's like daughter like daughter or stepdaughter which is fucking sorry we weren't talking about traumatizing things so i just needed to bring that back right yeah of course that's fucking crazy yeah disgusting yeah oh that like oh that hit me that's a lot i know men are nasty get them out of the room i know that's crazy no i miss dick so much but what

Oh my God, yeah. Being like young and like really wanting love is like that weird, like you're like willing to do anything. Yeah. There is no pride. Like losers. I was on the ground.

70-50. Okay. 0-2, 0-2.

I would ghost people full on and be like, aww, and then never respond.

No, I was just curious if you ever do that. Because you do it? I did it in college. I think it was an immaturity thing. I don't know what to say, and I don't want to do this anymore. So I'm not responding. You just Irish exit a relationship.

literally that's why i brought this here today to make that video i hate that you have highlights in it too what's wrong with that oh a girl can't get her hair done anymore y'all hate to see the pretty the pretty girl wig how about that it's illegal to be stunning and gorgeous apparently okay this wig with this blazer i should be a lawyer like you look like you barely survived that divorce by the skin of your teeth

And I got the house, too.

I'm here to serve you, baby.

You need to get a bob. Cut your hair.

You just posted in your story the other day.

I waited for it to pass so I could take a video and I made a TikTok.

It has to.

And I'm standing there in my wig like, wait a minute. So I can make a TikTok. And it's literally me like, because, you know, Azalea Banks has that bit in the wig where she was like, do you make music for gay people? She's like, I do. And so I was like, I saw Azalea Banks.

You did a good one, guys.

Not Hey Arnold. Such a little bitch. I loved her. Me too.

She was the girl we needed.

You can pick anything. Do you have things off the top of your head you think are overrated and underrated?

I need some inspiration.

It premiered? Or no, no. Like, I don't know. I don't know what you're going for.

I need a glass of wine. I need a glass, long, stemless glass.

That's good.

See, I would go classic. How would you hold it?

well i would like want to hold it like this with the stem between the fingers between the fingers and then but like a little bit like a 35 degree angle because i'm drunk yeah you're drunk you've been talking about someone that i know in the neighborhood that i saw on facebook who did some nasty shit i told zachariah me and dayson's new like thing that we've been saying a lot lately is from tiktok which is i want to have a baby and she's can i don't want to have i want to travel yeah

Oh.

I thought she was British.

No, seriously.

They went undetectable. Like, no one could tell.

And you should.

What's wrong with that? I love Latinas. I love Latina. The worst part is I got it in Spain.

I just thought I was like, I need that. Maybe it's menopause.

I don't know. AI is so overrated, for sure. I thought you were going to say Merlot. Merlot?

like about you know what was so stupid that like 16 hour tiktok ban what the fuck was that it was overrated to make me scared and cry like y'all can't even do it for a whole day losers couldn't even get a commitment yeah like come on follow through your bit wasn't even that funny you're like hello

I'll look at my calendar.

Not to, like, change topics. Go on. But, like, we can see, like, if you're listening to this, we can see a monitor with us. And it's kind of giving, like, Dr. Phil and, like, I'm a mom and you're my problem child.

No, literally.

I kind of love it.

Guys, I need to take the wig off. I'm, like, starting to sweat.

With you?

I was gay. In Texas. Back then. But thank God, the Lord saved me. And here I am today, a proud heterosexual. I dedicated my life back to Jesus.

And we were like, looking like, yeah. And then she came back. She's like, you don't even want to know what I did. I spilled an entire martini in her lap.

He saved us both.

It is. It's not like the Jersey Shore days.

Confetti?

Did you guys, like, used to just, like, wait, like, beg for, like, drinks? Like, just go up to guys, like, hey, and, like, get free drinks? Or no? No, no, no. Not, like, beg, but, like, would you, like, make eyes?

I feel like Miami, there's like tons of places.

I was like, I'm not even going to try.

Besándome otra vez.

Wait, you were giving hot Cheeto, girl? Yeah, that's how I talked. Wait, I know you were in those Cookie Monster pajamas. Walk in the miles.

Wait, aren't you going to Puerto Rico this year? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's going to be so fucking fun. I can't wait.

I'm so excited.

I believe in you. I believe in miracles.

Wigged. Wigged. Rich. Right. I don't know. Nice. I like I don't know. I'm hoping he likes you or you like him. I don't.

The craziest, like the man you deserve is like impossible to find. Do you know what I mean? Like the man that you deserve.

Is like, I don't know.

Um, this diamond ring. It was like a birthday present to myself, which I don't know. I just always wanted like some diamonds. Not as big as that one. T, get into it. Like, I'm going to rob you.

It looks like a wedding band. Oh, yeah. That's beautiful.

I have a David Yerman I wear every day, too. Cute. Look at us. That's so cute. We love that bra.

No.

See, they emailed each other about outfits, about rings. They said, we're going to match, and Eric's going to be in the middle. Ha ha.

And what's wrong with that? So? I'm being targeted.

I did say that. I did. I was like, no, there's no way. Because I was like, there's no way that really happened. And she's like, it did. But the Teffy lore runs deep. Like, there's always something happening.

She's the encyclopedia of pop culture. Right.

Yeah, it's all adding up.

You surround yourself with, like, an energy.

so he used to be an assistant manager at paleo's pizza cafe in texas and also worked at best buy for four months oh yeah best buy was hell on earth that's where straight people go to like i don't know do something demonic behind the scenes i was a warehouse you would be the most useless best buy worker i was a warehouse worker they had me on i had i was in the middle of

I was, because it was, okay, girl.

They didn't give me the brace. I was young and spry, okay? They did have me, like, try to do the forklift. I almost crashed it. Like, I didn't have the license.

I can whip it. I can whip it. No, I could do it.

I can do it. I can do it. In the wig. No, it was like, I was in the warehouse though. And, um, but like the minimum wage in Texas is still $7.50. Yeah.

It was like, and so I, that one was like, I think I got paid $11 an hour to work in the warehouse. I was like, I'm fucking rich, bitch. Oh my God. Like it was like the best pay I'd gotten, like gotten offered. Maybe it was even $10. Like, I don't even know.

but it was like for me it was like good money you started looking at houses on zillow and i could have and i could and i literally and then i got there and it was like the meanest white bitch you've ever met she was running that warehouse like the navy yeah like it was awful and and then it was like these like these incel kind of like straight guys yeah and bald yeah large oh sorry and like weird just like we like we have anything in common

It was hard.

Yeah. So, oh my God, Victorious?

I wanted him bad. We're mutual as hell.

No, I remember I was like, there was like a scene in High School Musical where like Corbin Bleu and Zac Efron get like really close. And I think that maybe they're seeing each other, they get really close. And I was like, I wanted them to kiss so bad.

I want to get in there.

It's like really intimate.

It's just foreplay. You don't know what happens after.

Yeah.

Yeah. High School Musical, too.

When they made his eyes, like, laser blue.

Yeah. And then they, like, made him tan, a little tan.

Like, I... Like, I can't... I was in that warehouse, like, afraid.

Code switch? Yeah, I did. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I did. I got that. I got that shipment. shaking your shoulders no no i don't think they see right through it queen i'm crazy and back then i had like a buzz cut and like these little square glasses like no i can't it was i was going to the berlin club what's it called bergen i was giving i was giving best by office siren like You guys didn't get it. You guys didn't get it back then.

I was ahead of my time. You were the king of the family. Those khakis were tight.

Oh, yeah. Most times.

Yeah. Talk about a place to shake ass. We were going 40 down the road. She was shaking ass on that bus. I know.

I can't even imagine.

I know. And I just, like, I imagine you with, like, this hair, this glam, and you're out there in, like, 100 degree weather, like, you want a fucking cone or not.

Oh, I would kill him.

I was good in the warehouse. Y'all don't see the vision, but I'm good in the warehouse.

Yeah.

I was like, that was so insane. I was like...

Were you guys ever, like, managers? Like, assistant? Like, me? Like, I was the assistant manager. Where were you an assistant manager? Paglios Pizza Cafe. What?

no they needed like like literally like i need to tell you i was 17 they gave me the key to the restaurant the code to the safe i was doing the food orders we didn't have cheese at the pizza restaurant because i didn't order enough like i was like why am i in charge it's a pizza kitchen you know literally and he's over here going you guys were never managers

i was like i was 17 and i'll never forget like i'll never forget one time i left the restaurant unlocked and i walked to close up you left it unlocked and the managers came in there like and like the door was just open and i said a picture in the work group chat they're like who is no that's when you go guys speak up speak up because i didn't claim it i was like who did that you got me

picture eric no like this yeah no i was like well we weren't in the same couch we're like and when your man stood up i was like oh it's going down like something bad he's a big man like it's scary we went back to to go host you and i you were like just the two of you like standing next to each other look you look so upset i was scared i was scared they're gonna kill someone like someone's gonna die like him doing nothing

You're right. Whoever did that is so irresponsible. Who did that, you guys? Like, seriously.

And I made $8.50 an hour. I would have let the bitch open for you.

That's so crazy.

Oh. Yeah.

i was like scared to meet remy because i met your time meeting remy i met her one time before and i didn't realize she was like the host of the event so she literally said hi to me and then like ran away but we like never met like met and i didn't know anything about her really yeah she went to fiji with them the year before so she like knew everybody oh okay you know what i mean yeah oh for love island for love yeah that one actually i did get invited to oh yeah the love island one

No, like I thought the pod. You ever had a pod? Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

I was sitting... I was observing.

I'll sing. Okay, she's trying to get me to sing so many times. One thing about her, she loves to sing.

She loves karaoke. It's scary. Like, I get really intimidated. I put on Come Clean by Hilary Duff, and I didn't know all the lyrics, and she really got mad at me. I did.

She got really upset.

No, I literally got scared.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

We were drinking. And I'm really shy. And I'm really like, just to myself. Like, I don't really go to those types of things.

I just like... I like to observe.

Mad. Just kidding. No, not agitated.

angry so i was like i went off to him and i was like do you know this song and he said and you said it's on my career list because it's like a fun song but i just never like haven't listened to the song i haven't listened to it a while you want to be a vibe curator you said i'm here for vibes i was like that's a good song i forgot the words my fucking my my bad and she was like yes you're bad get off the stage and then i did yes you're bad get off the stage and i did valerie

Oh, that was good. Thank you. That was really good.

I did it the other weekend.

Let me tell you. That's fine. But I will say, I love Remy. I was bringing that up.

She's like everything I would want her to be in real life. I just wanted to say that. I love her.

Yeah, her vibe. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no. No, it's so funny.

Oh, shit, that's so nice.

Okay, you don't have to use that word. And I did. I was... Sorry, choro. I didn't have... Okay, speaking of diarrhea, though, I did just have norovirus, and I did lose 5 to 10 pounds.

Are you actually? I'm dead ass. No way. That'd be so fucking.

Yeah.

Period. Do you like practicing?

No way.

Verified Spotify DJ, verified Spotify DJ.

Right.

And I am coming. When you said the whores, I thought you said the horse. And I was like, who's the whores?

I'm estimating. I don't have a scale.

I'm coming out with merch.

So exciting. I have like hats and shirts and socks coming out. Yes. Okay. Okay. Right? And potentially, I mean this year at some point, a podcast. Yay! Yay! I'll keep y'all updated. Follow me, Rico Taquito, on all social media platforms. See? Yeah.

Oh my God, I have a candle.

Yeah, based off how these shoulders are a little loose. And no one has complimented me.

Groove gives. I have a candle line. Every candle makes a donation to someone in need. So, yeah.

Ruben's planet.

We love Ruben. He makes clothes. They're really, really fucking cool. He makes figurines. Yeah, toys. I have them in my bag.

She's always up to something.

It's always interesting. Even watching her stories, I'm like, oh, my God.

Always. She knows everyone's information.

i'm like looking really frail it's like i haven't eaten all day so no but i at my birthday i i ate at the nines have you ever been it's like you've been the nines yeah and i don't know what i ate but it literally like i i went out that night my birthday the next day i was like i'm hungover and then i was like oh i'm not hungover it's just food poisoning and i was so thin

Her mind. Her mind. Her mind.

Yeah, man.

At RicoTikito on all social media platforms.

Latina hours have come in. Yes. I love those shoulders that you did. A bitty, bitty bump. No, no, I can't. I can't.

At the beginning of my first day of my new year.

No, literally.

No, that was back in August. Oh, shit. Because he's a Virgo. You and me both, girl. Leo? No. I always think you're a Leo and you get so offended.

Don't put words in my mouth.

No, everyone wanted it to happen. They were rooting for you. We were all rooting for you. Thank you so much.

um i don't know one time i went up to this do you know the i forgot her name and i don't want to mispronounce it but she's from mean girls and um she's like this beautiful indian girl and she plays like oh yes in the new mean girl yeah and i recognized her and i was like that's my friend and i like and i was like at an event and i walked i was like hey and then i was like oh hey and she literally looked at me like

like like she was like who the fuck are you and then i was like you don't know me and i walked away like i just like didn't know what to do i was like said you don't know me i thought we knew each other and then we did it and i was like we don't know each other and i walked away my mom i like that's my most you just ate it and left i was like i was like oh we don't know each other and i walked away never mind but like i never thank god you didn't make it weird yeah i know

I'm very scared.

I feel like.

You said a lot of stuff about me in the press, and you have to tackle it today, and I'm just a little nervous. Don't check Twitter. Don't check Twitter. I saw it. I saw it.

Those are two different white boys. Yeah.

I've texted so many people about, like, Teffy knows everything. That's not true. And everyone. No, like, everything. I could just watch her story times. I'm like, okay, I learned 18 things. Like, Your brain has such a specific pocket for like things that are happening.

You're like doing Showtime. I already know. You're like, send that to me. You're like, welcome to the Dream Show.

I had a therapist. I gave her up for... Lent? well yes that's what i'll say no i like tried it and then she wasn't getting the vibe like i need like i was like we're not one of my jokes like seriously and like no i was like um she didn't get you no she didn't get me and then i was like i need a gay guy and i never found him So I'm just kind of free balling. It's so fun.

Like, oh my God, no therapy.

On live. That would have been a serve.

Bleach the eyebrows, shave the head. New era for Tuffy.

I see it for you.

Oh, no.